web analytics

ImperatorFish: Hacker Accesses PM’s Brain

Written By: - Date published: 2:02 pm, October 24th, 2012 - 11 comments
Categories: john key - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.

Security experts were being rushed to the ninth floor of the Beehive this morning, after a malicious hacker accessed the Prime Minister’s brain.

Experts began to suspect a breach of security, after large amounts of data stored in John Key’s brain disappeared.

It is believed that a hacker gained access to the Prime Minister and used the opportunity to erase numerous files stored in his brain.

Questions have been raised before about the security of Mr Key’s brain, after he failed to recall positions taken by him on a number of political issues, such as the 1981 Springbok tour.

But the scale of John Key’s recent memory loss leaves experts in no doubt that someone is trying to destroy his brain.

Some experts have speculated that these malicious attacks may be coming from within the Labour Party.

But John Key’s personal security people have dismissed such speculation, pointing out that an attack from Labour would almost certainly have failed.

Experts are currently attempting to reboot the Prime Minister, but it is feared that a fix may not be possible and that his systems may be permanently compromised.

However, a Prime Minister operating at even half-capacity is understood to still be a less frightening prospect for National Party supporters than his being replaced by someone like Gerry Brownlee or Steven Joyce.

Mr Key this morning said he had no recollection of the attack.

“I don’t know what happened, but it doesn’t matter. It’s business as usual, and I’m fully focused on the issues that matter to ordinary people. What are they again?”

Bunji: also check out Danyl’s explanation of the PM’s brain fades

r0b: and bsprout who puts the PM on Mastermind


History

11 comments on “ImperatorFish: Hacker Accesses PM’s Brain”

  1. PlanetOrphan 1

    Pure bloody genius!

    Sounds like Johny Sparkles is turning “Pentecostal” on us 🙂

    • Rogue Trooper 1.1

      vainglory

      vain;
      -empty, devoid
      -without real worth
      -futile
      -unavailing
      -thoughtless
      -empty-minded
      -pettily self-complacent
      -trivial
      -valuing oneself inordinantly on some personal distinction
      -conceited

      vainglory;
      -vain or empty glory in one’s performance
      -idle boastfulness

  2. McFlock 2

    maybe he pulled a Beeblebrox and erased his own memory?

  3. Dr Terry 3

    So they actually found a brain there? I guess that is reassuring for the Prime Minister!

  4. vto 4

    Well it is hardly surprising there was no brain to be found. There has never been any wisdom, common sense, empathy, knowledge or anything else connected with a brain spoken or shown by him ……

    The lack of a brain is also reflected in his pathetic ‘jokes and quips’.

    Our first ever brainless Prime Minister

  5. We need a giggle, perhaps the person that took key’s memory cache may have it on a
    ‘flash drive’ and just waiting for the opportune time to use it, winston is flash and he
    has the drive 🙂

  6. captain hook 6

    hellooooooooooooooooooooooo?

  7. xtasy 7

    Come on, the PM’s brain is “in-imprenetrenable” or else, well I mean you would not get through that without putting an axe through the skull, right?

    Penetration sounds serious, but he does not want it, he is happy to get on without “penetration” of any kind, so do not place your bets on this.

    That brain is well protected within a kind of “messy sphere”, maybe “hollow”, and it is close to amnesia. But that is ok, as we learned, you cannot blame a person for being sick or disabled. Be fair, he needs to be guided into acceptance. That may take some time but the country will have to think, are we in good hands in the meantime. Maybe the mental health doctors and/or courts and so have some decisions to make there?

  8. Roy 8

    Meh, I don’t believe that large amounts of data were ever stored in Key’s brain. He may have appeared to have been uploading data at some stage, but the data went straight into the Trash file and were deleted as fast as they were entered.

  9. Tim 9

    That reboot of his brain was based on the principle of the 3 finger salute was it?
    Fix the symptoms (temporarily), not the problem.

    Buzniss as usual then. itchem smetchim, goan forwid, oim relexed, no problim. Bill n Gerry ill pik up the sleck, en corse Pulla…. weekin all ays riloi on Pulla.

    (Thunks to seehhff – ssssgrate ta hev sich loil Neshnool Pardy Minsters thet arr ugleer thin moi)

Recent Comments

Recent Posts


History

  • Correction over Talley’s statement
    Labour’s Workplace Relations spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway has been advised by AFFCO Ltd that AFFCO is not advertising for staff in the Manawatu through MSD as stated in a press statement released earlier today.  “I have been advised by AFFCO that ...
    2 days ago
  • Minister, cut your losses – withdraw this doomed Bill
    Local Government Minister Sam Lotu-Iiga’s request for a five month extension on the report back date for the Local Government Act 2002 Amendment Bill (No 2) is an admission that the Bill is fundamentally flawed, says Labour’s Local Government Spokesperson ...
    2 days ago
  • Coleman’s cuts create crisis
    Mental health services in New Zealand are in a state of crisis with Youthline saying that calls for extreme depression doubled last year, says Labour’s Associate Health spokesperson Dr David Clark.  “About 150 young Kiwis are missing out on help ...
    2 days ago
  • Government helping Talley’s to break workers
    The Ministry for Social Development appears to be assisting Talley’s-Affco replace experienced workers effectively locked out by the company, say Labour’s Social Development spokesperson Carmel Sepuloni and Workplace Relations spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway. “MSD is advertising for meat processing workers for ...
    2 days ago
  • Electives lag due to $1.7 billion hole
    The lag in hip and knee replacements is a direct consequence of the Government’s $1.7 billion underfunding of health, says Labour’s Associate Health spokesperson Dr David Clark.  “A comprehensive study by the University of Otago says that the rate of ...
    2 days ago
  • Speech to Master Builders’ Constructive conference
    Today’s all about being Constructive. And that is good because I believe there is a hunger out there for positive solutions. We must be able to believe there can be a better future. ...
    2 days ago
  • Māori Party housing plan complete failure
    The Māori Party’s housing plan to put more Māori into more homes has been a complete failure with fewer than five loans granted per year, says Labour’s Maori Development spokesperson Kelvin Davis. ...
    3 days ago
  • Fund IRD better to go after tax avoiders
    National’s Tax Working Group used the following graph (p30) in 2010 as part of their justification to cut the top tax rate. The big peaks around the top tax threshold were evidence of a suspiciously high number of taxpayers ...
    GreensBy robert.ashe
    3 days ago
  • Pasifika youth ignored by the Government
    The Adolescent Health Research Group’s new report on the wellbeing of young Pacific people shines a spotlight on the Government’s failure  to deliver any “brighter future” for them, says Labour’s Pacific Island Affairs spokesperson Su’a William Sio.  “Their research shows ...
    3 days ago
  • Police in the provinces are dissatisfied
    Police in the cities of Gisborne, Napier and Hastings are a lot more unhappy than their big city cousins says Labour’s Police Spokesman Stuart Nash.     “In fact the top four districts for enjoyable work within NZ Police are ...
    3 days ago
  • Govt action needed after Wheeler holds
    The Reserve Bank Governor’s warning that “excessive house price inflation” is posing a risk to financial stability puts the pressure back on the Government to take action to address the housing crisis, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Graeme Wheeler’s ...
    3 days ago
  • Minister confirms – new ministry only about abuse
    ...
    4 days ago
  • Silver Ferns Farms decision a tragedy
    The rubber stamping by the Overseas Investment Office of the Shanghai Maling buyout of Silver Fern Farms is a sorry day for the once proud New Zealand meat sector, says Labour’s spokesperson for Primary Industries, Damien O’Connor.  “Generations of Kiwis ...
    4 days ago
  • Benching Nick Smith first step to Kermadec solution
    Side-lining Nick Smith must be the first step in sorting out the Government's Kermadec debacle, says Labour's Fisheries Spokesperson Rino Tirikatene. “Last week Labour called for Nick Smith to be removed from further negotiations with Te Ohu Kaimoana over the ...
    5 days ago
  • Parents, schools, teachers oppose bulk funding
    Overwhelming opposition to the National Government’s school bulk funding proposal is unsurprising and Hekia Parata should now unequivocally rule out proceeding with the idea, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. “Bulk funding could only lead to bigger class sizes or ...
    5 days ago
  • MBIE gives up on enforcing the law
      The Government must provide labour inspectors with the resources they need to enforce basic employment law after reports that MBIE is only prosecuting the worst cases, says Labour’s Workplace Relations and Safety spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway.  “Today’s news that MBIE ...
    5 days ago
  • West Coast population declines amid bleak economic forecast
    Despite the country experiencing record population growth, the number of people living in the West Coast fell, highlighting struggles in the region from low commodity prices and a poor economic forecast, says Labour’s Economic Development spokesperson David Clark. “The latest ...
    5 days ago
  • Recovery roadblocks cause for concern
    Strong pressure on mental health services, a flagging local economy and widespread issues with dodgy earthquake repairs are all causes for concern for people in Canterbury according to a new survey, says Labour’s Canterbury spokesperson Megan Woods. “Today the CDHB’s ...
    5 days ago
  • Motel purchase must not kick people onto the street
    The Government’s purchase of a South Auckland motel to house the homeless must come with a promise that the current long term tenants will not be kicked out onto the streets, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. “It is bizarre ...
    6 days ago
  • Not everyone singing along to so-called rock star economy
    The Westpac McDermott Miller Confidence Survey shows there is serious unease about the economy’s ability to deliver benefits to many New Zealanders, despite the Government trumpeting headline figures, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “According to this survey a significantly ...
    6 days ago
  • Youth no better off under National’s “guarantee”
    John Key’s Youth Guarantee is such a spectacular failure that those who undertake the programme are more likely to end up on a benefit and less likely to end up in full-time employment than those who don’t, Leader of the ...
    1 week ago
  • More low-skilled students becoming residents
    New figures showing international students now make up nearly 40 per cent of all principal applicants approved for New Zealand residency and that their skill level has fallen dramatically, are further evidence that National’s immigration system is broken, says Labour’s ...
    1 week ago
  • 35% of offshore speculators paying no tax
    Offshore investors are aggressively exploiting tax breaks to pay no tax on their rental properties according to IRD data released by Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. “35% of offshore investors are paying no tax on their properties, and are pocketing ...
    1 week ago
  • Friday fish dump stinks
    This government has dumped bad news on a Friday to try to avoid political scrutiny in Parliament, says Labour’s Environment spokesperson David Parker. ...
    1 week ago
  • OECD report card: National must try harder
    The OECD report on education shows there’s much more to be done for young Kiwis, Labour’s education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. ...
    1 week ago
  • Kermadec stoush shows Maori Party double-standards
    The Māori Party’s reaction to the trampled Treaty rights and the Government’s lack of consultation on the Kermadec Ocean Sanctuary reeks of the same arrogant mismanagement of the unpopular Maori land reforms, Ikaroa-Rāwhiti MP Meka Whaitiri says. ...
    1 week ago
  • Flawed fish dumping calls
    The finding that MPI failed to properly enforce the law even when it had evidence of fish dumping seriously damages the trust and credibility of the Ministry, the industry and this Government, Labour's Fisheries Spokesperson Rino Tirikatene says. ...
    1 week ago
  • Sidestepping Smith should be side-lined
    Nick Smith's arrogance and disrespect towards Māori is putting the future of the Kermadec Ocean Sanctuary at risk and he needs to excuse himself from further negotiations with Te Ohu Kaimoana, Labour's Fisheries spokesperson Rino Tirikatene says. ...
    1 week ago
  • Government must respond to cash for jobs scam
    Urgent Government action is required to halt  the emerging cash-for-jobs immigration scandal that is taking hold in New Zealand says Labour’s Immigration Spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway.  “Stories of rogue immigration agents scamming thousands of dollars from migrant workers are just further ...
    1 week ago
  • Government dragging its feet on surgical mesh
    Jonathan Coleman is dragging his feet over any action to protect New Zealanders from more disasters with surgical mesh, says Health Spokesperson Annette King.  “The Government’s pathetic response is to claim all will be fixed by a new regime to ...
    1 week ago
  • Labour’s baby number app goes gangbusters
    An interactive tool that celebrates Labour’s achievements in health over the decades has become an online hit, says Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King.  “Since the tool was launched last night, 18 thousand people have used it to find their baby ...
    1 week ago
  • Real disposable income falls in last three months
    Kiwis are working harder than ever but real disposable income per person fell in the last quarter thanks to record population increases, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson said. ‘In Budget 2016 the National Government said that what mattered most for ...
    1 week ago
  • Baby number app celebrates Labour achievements
    Labour has launched an interactive tool that allows New Zealanders to take a look back at our achievements in health over the decades, says Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King.  “Today is the 78th anniversary of the Social Security Act 1938, ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Legal experts unpick Māori land reforms
    One of New Zealand’s top law firms has joined the chorus of legal experts heavily critical of the controversial Te Ture Whenua Maori Bill, adding more weight to the evidence that the reforms fall well beneath the robust legal standards ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Industries most reliant on immigration worst offenders
    The industries most reliant on immigration are the worst offenders when it comes to meeting their most basic employment obligations, says Labour’s Immigration spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway.  “The industries that are most reliant on immigration are Hospitality, Administration, Agriculture, Forestry and ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Time to remove law that discriminates against sole parents
    It’s time to repeal a harmful law that sanctions those who do not name the other parent of their child, Labour’s Social Development Spokesperson Carmel Sepuloni says. “Every week, 17,000 children are missing out because their sole parent is being ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Government handling of Kermadecs threatens Treaty rights
    ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Prime Minister should give Police Minister some backbone
    The Prime Minister should condemn the ridiculously light sentence given to Nikolas Delegat for seriously assaulting a police woman, Labour’s Police spokesman Stuart Nash says. ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Government listens to Labour on family violence
    Labour is pleased the Government has finally acted on strengthening a range of measures against family violence, says Labour’s spokesperson on Family Violence Poto Williams.  “Some of the latest changes including a new family violence offence of non-fatal strangulation is ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Government must rethink paying for police checks
    National’s decision to ignore the concerns of charities will see the voluntary sector face hundreds of thousands of dollars in new costs if the Policing (Cost Recovery) Amendment Bill passes, says Labour's Community and Voluntary Sector spokesperson Poto Williams.  “National’s ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Seven months for families in cars to be housed
    Disturbing new figures show it is now taking the Ministry of Social Development an average of seven months to house families who are living in cars, Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little says.  “John Key made a song and dance ...
    2 weeks ago
  • North Korea test must be condemned
    The nuclear test by North Korea that registered 5.3 on the Richter scale needs to be condemned, says Labour’s Foreign Affairs spokesperson David Shearer. “This test, coming hard on the heels of a missile launch a few days ago, shows ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Tribe footing the bill for Maori Party?
     Waikato-Tainui deserve committed representation, yet the President of the Maori Party is muddying the waters by confusing the core business of the tribe with party politics, says Labour’s Hauraki-Waikato MP Nanaia Mahuta.  “The only way to fix this growing negative ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Schools set to lose millions
    Schools will start 2017 grappling with a $7.8 million funding cut, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. “Hekia Parata has been adamant changes to the way our schools are funded would see them better off. ...
    2 weeks ago
  • 70% of families in cold, damp homes powerless to fix them
    Shocking new figures out today show 70 per cent of the families living in cold, damp homes are powerless to make improvements because they are in rental properties, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “The 2016 Household Incomes Report highlights ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Wealth inequality at record levels
    The housing crisis is making inequality worse, with housing costs in New Zealand now way out of proportion for those on the lowest incomes, according to the 2016 Household Incomes Report, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Most New Zealanders ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Migrant exploitation must be stamped out
    Migrant workers are being treated like slaves by rogue employers and the Government has failed to get on top of the issue, says Labour’s Immigration spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway.“A report released by Caritas Aotearoa details ongoing exploitation of migrant workers such ...
    2 weeks ago
  • The Cooks embarrass New Zealand
    New Zealand is lagging behind the Cook Islands in ratifying the Paris Agreement on Climate Change but now the island state has surprised the world and cut its carbon emissions, says Labour’s spokesperson on Pacific Climate Change Su’a William Sio.  ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Minister negligent in ignoring Land Court judges
    Māori Development Minister Te Ururoa Flavell is negligent by refusing to engage with the Māori Land Court judges, who presented submissions on the Ture Whenua Bill at select committee today, Ikaroa-Rawhiti MP Meka Whaitiri says. ...
    3 weeks ago
  • Shambles sees National oppose affordable housing
    National’s shambolic handling of the housing crisis has today resulted in the Government opposing common sense measures to help more Kiwi families into homes, Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little says. “Despite knowing for the past three years the laws ...
    3 weeks ago


History


History


History