Imperatorfish: The post I never posted

Written By: - Date published: 12:01 pm, January 9th, 2013 - 26 comments
Categories: david shearer, Satire - Tags:

I spent hours and hours writing a blogpost attacking Labour’s various failings, and explaining why the February caucus vote would be a defeat for David Shearer, no matter how it went. I concluded in my post that the party was doomed under its current leader, that just about everything everyone had said on The Standard was spot on, and that the polls showing Labour gains were deceptive because John Key would humble David Shearer during the 2014 election campaign. I argued that history showed that a seasoned incumbent would always destroy a wet-between-the-ears newbie during a leadership debate. We all remember what Helen Clark did to an inexperienced John Key in 2008, and how as a result Labour won an unprecedented fourth term in office, don’t we?

I went on to argue that even if Shearer somehow won the election for the centre-left, he would not have the skills to assemble or hold together a governing coalition.

And even if I was wrong on that point, I went on to write, David Shearer was still not the best man for the job, because he had failed to demonstrate an ability to walk on water or bring the dead back to life.

But I didn’t push the “publish” button, because I came up with an even better idea for a post. Now I’m working on a blogpost about how the ancient Babylonians first discovered New Zealand, and how academics have conspired for decades to bury the evidence. It’s going to be a cracker!

I have now written about a hundred draft blogposts about how awful things are for Labour under David Shearer. I’m thinking of publishing them all at once, once this gin bottle has been emptied. But first I think I’ll publish a devastating critique of David Bain’s innocence claim.

26 comments on “Imperatorfish: The post I never posted ”

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  1. quartz 1
    9 January 2013 at 12:52 pm

    I don’t get it, is this guy pro-shearer or against him?

    • Populuxe1 1.1
      9 January 2013 at 1:05 pm

      Pro Captain Mumblefuck. Sanctimonious. And far from Imperatorfish’s best effort.

      • Lightly 1.1.1
        9 January 2013 at 1:33 pm

        I don’t think any post that says Shearer is a “wet-between-the-ears newbie” and “David Shearer was still not the best man for the job”, and jokingly likens him to John Key is pro-him.

        It’s a post of ‘I didn’t write this but here’s what I would have said’ – I think it’s pretty good.

        • QoT 1.1.1.1
          9 January 2013 at 4:55 pm

          I think you missed the whole bit of the sentence after “because”, which makes IF’s feelings about criticisms of Shearer pretty clear. Hint: he’s saying us haters want Shearer to be Jesus.

  2. Benghazi 2
    9 January 2013 at 1:33 pm

    I just want a vote for the members triggered by caucus in Feb so we can all unite to fight the next election. That vote can either confirm Shearer or elect another who wishes to put their hat in: Robertson, Cunliffe, Parker, Little. I’m not interested in posts ripping into Shearer or any other potential (or not).

    • Coronial Typer 2.1
      9 January 2013 at 3:18 pm

      That will at last give us something real and positive to focus on.

      Lots of people want politicians to have a well deserved break. But clearly there are hundreds and hundreds of activists – from those posting on this site for one – who are spoiling for strong leadership of the left to start NOW. Not when parliament reconvenes.

      I want the left to start this year, and finish it. Not always reacting to others.

      Meantime Imperator Fish should flop onto a beach somewhere and dry out.

  3. the pink postman 3
    9 January 2013 at 3:28 pm

    The Leader is the Leader . Lets show a bit of loyalty to the Party that one belongs too.. Its at branch meetings that one debates the issues .Not in public where the Nats can make use of information. Much as detest National I must admit their disagrements (Which are many I presume0 are rarely in public .Not like us silly buggers who shout our disagreements from the roof tops.
    Please shut up! Use your time helping ,as Mike Smith has asked “To develop ideas and policy that will win us the 2014 election .Lets practice the main reaason Labour is our choice of Party Fraternity .

    • ad 3.1
      9 January 2013 at 3:42 pm

      Are you aware of the constitutional changes that occurred in November 2012 at the Labour Conference that encourage democratic and public confirmation of the caucus leader?

      • Colonial Viper 3.1.1
        9 January 2013 at 3:52 pm

        Labour needs to move into an election year looking forwards with maximum momentum.

        A Labour Leader backed by confirmation from the full membership and affiliates would completely re-energise the party and grow our numbers. it would show those leaning towards the Greens that Labour is also a highly democratic party where the voice of each individual member counts.

    • bad12 3.2
      9 January 2013 at 3:55 pm

      ‘Our’ choice of Party Fraternity??? are there lots of YOU, schizophrenic perhaps???, not MY choice of Party so speak for yourself…

      • Colonial Weka 3.2.1
        9 January 2013 at 7:27 pm

        Wrong abuse of mentally ill stereotype. I think you mean multiple personality disorder, not schizophrenia.

    • alex 3.3
      9 January 2013 at 6:50 pm

      Bollocks TPP, why should a membership base that has been shafted by their caucus sit around silently?

    • KhandallaViper 3.4
      9 January 2013 at 9:07 pm

      Mike Smith, who in on the Labour Caucus payroll? That Mike Smith tpp? Mike Smith is an Independent commentator, YEAH RIGHT.

      You are correct that one does not hear much public criticism of John Key from National supporters.
      There are two obvious reasons that John Key has legitimate tenure as party leader.
      1.The Nats did not give the membership a Leadership Debate Road-show. Labour did and promptly ignored the members preference.
      2. John Key proved himself a competent party leader from day one, as far as Nats Members are concerned.

      • Rhinoviper 3.4.1
        9 January 2013 at 9:19 pm

        IIRC, word has circulated among Nat party members that if they publicly criticise Key, then their party membership will be revoked.

        I’m sure Curran is jealous.

    • karol 3.5
      9 January 2013 at 9:11 pm

      Fraternity means “brotherhood”. That’s reassuring.

    • David H 3.6
      9 January 2013 at 9:34 pm

      Sorry, but Mike Smith is just the caucuses messenger boy, he hops in here drops a couple of messages, usually saying shut up and fall into line, just like good little boys. Just another Seagull poster. He can just go back and get his pat on the head, and tell em we’re NOT playing his silly game!

  4. hush minx 4
    9 January 2013 at 4:11 pm

    To those who wish commentors would stop commenting in public, I fear your request will fall on deaf ears until a sense of reciprocal responsibility is shown by the parliamentary leadership. Hence the desire of many for a members vote in February so we can all have our say (those who are members, mps or affiliates) and then we either shut up or get in behind. Simple really.
    I’m thinking we should be telling the mps that we know that we want them to vote for a vote (which is not the same as voting against or for any person in particular). Then we can settle this.

  5. geoff 5
    9 January 2013 at 8:16 pm

    All of us anti-shearer types have had a good lash over the last few days. You’ve tried smacking the bee’s nest but we’re a bit spent sorry, Imperator.
    Maybe try again in a week or so?

  6. Saarbo 6
    9 January 2013 at 10:42 pm

    IF, Your satire is shit. Just go back to writing serious posts bro. (and I dont only mean this one, I mean most of the stuff on your blog)

  7. xtasy 7
    9 January 2013 at 11:47 pm

    Hey what is this about 2008, was it not 2005, where Helen won Labour and support parties another term???

    But this must be some bizarre “humour”, right?

    Shearer is a totally UNFIT leader for Labour, almost all of us know this by now. Some say Robertson is using the scene to set his agenda to take over leadership. Some have other ideas. Others want Cunliffe to not perhaps lead the party, but to at least be re-installed on the front bench to talk on damned economics, which is core of the sets of issues this government is not able to deal with good enough.

    Shearer is to me like a bit of a “Stalinist”, he dislikes dissent, challenges, is himself very insecure, so he rather gets the dirty dealers out to shut up dissent and do away with ones who do not support him. We all know what happened to Stalin, and we learned enough about him being a psychopath. Certainly no democrat, whether left or right would ever want such a “leader” running the show.

    I am afraid that Shearer is trying to cover up his deficiencies by being an aotocrat and a bit of a “dictator”. He is likely not to be doing this on his own, yes, I believe there may be the ABC circle, or a similar group of a “gang” working on “supporting” him in an instrumental way.

    That does in any way NOT make for a good leader of the major opposition party. Labour has one last chance, to rid itself of this sicklish hangers on group sitting in Parliament, to vote for a NEW leader, to involve and include the base of the party more, to become more democratic like the Greens are, and to lift itself out of the quagmire. I sadly cannot see this happen though.

    Many are starting to flirt with and fancy the Greens. Yes, they have a lot of ideas, good policies and a better team, but I fear they are perhaps not quite ready yet. Also I am not trusting Russel Norman enough, having become almost a bit like a “green” Winston of recent. Where is their environmental focus, all now rather being talk about econmics, finance and social welfare. That is all good, but do not forget the roots.

    I cannot see the Greens as that solidly left though, as they may be interventionist, but most their voters are middle class to upper middle class urbanites, many academics. That is also good, but it does not provide a close enough link and connection to the labour base, common workers and beneficiaries, despite of Jan Logie being good at raising welfare issues. She has half a dozen of spokesperson areas, or close to that, so welfare always falls short.

    So there is Mana, but that is still dominated by Hone, and the other Pakeha activists only surface now and then. I respect them all, but apart from some good policies, they will never cover enough policies to attract more than a few percent.

    NZ politics needs a bloody shake up, yes this society needs a total rattle and shake, so that ALL wake up and realise, we are largely ALL in this together, but I see too little in ones prepared to share or even comminicate. NZ is a very dysfunctional, broken, disunited and even in some ways heartless society now.

    Sorry to say.

    • KJT 7.1
      10 January 2013 at 3:41 am

      The environmental focus is still at the forefront.

      We know, however, that it is not possible to address environmental sustainability without addressing social and economic sustainability, Including, equality issues.

      For example, in a democracy, we are not going to get those at the bottom of the income tree to vote for reducing their standard of living, to make us more environmentally sustainable, while the top 2% are still getting 17% annual rises in wealth.

      We are also not going to succeed in long term environmental sustainability with an economic system that requires constant growth and hence constantly increasing resource use.

  8. Rogue Trooper 8
    10 January 2013 at 2:20 pm

    it’s the Killing Joke this growth business (Growth Fetish)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7WPI4TJImo
    it’s Complications; A Love Like Blood…a love like blood

  9. kiwi_prometheus 9
    11 January 2013 at 12:16 am

    QofT: “Hint: he’s saying us haters want Shearer to be Jesus.”

    No you want him to transform into a tom boy superheroine firing purple lightning bolts at unborn babies, if your crazy graphics and rants on your blog site are any indicator…

    … but you’ve changed your graphics yet again! Now your a selfdescribed “grand archduchess”. LOL, what an egotistical maniac!

    • felixviper 9.1
      11 January 2013 at 12:51 am

      Oh look, another creepy stalker turning up just to leave off-topic sexist abuse for QoT.

      It’s like this morning all over again.