Imperatorfish: The post I never posted

Written By: - Date published: 12:01 pm, January 9th, 2013 - 26 comments
Categories: david shearer, Satire - Tags:

I spent hours and hours writing a blogpost attacking Labour’s various failings, and explaining why the February caucus vote would be a defeat for David Shearer, no matter how it went. I concluded in my post that the party was doomed under its current leader, that just about everything everyone had said on The Standard was spot on, and that the polls showing Labour gains were deceptive because John Key would humble David Shearer during the 2014 election campaign. I argued that history showed that a seasoned incumbent would always destroy a wet-between-the-ears newbie during a leadership debate. We all remember what Helen Clark did to an inexperienced John Key in 2008, and how as a result Labour won an unprecedented fourth term in office, don’t we?

I went on to argue that even if Shearer somehow won the election for the centre-left, he would not have the skills to assemble or hold together a governing coalition.

And even if I was wrong on that point, I went on to write, David Shearer was still not the best man for the job, because he had failed to demonstrate an ability to walk on water or bring the dead back to life.

But I didn’t push the “publish” button, because I came up with an even better idea for a post. Now I’m working on a blogpost about how the ancient Babylonians first discovered New Zealand, and how academics have conspired for decades to bury the evidence. It’s going to be a cracker!

I have now written about a hundred draft blogposts about how awful things are for Labour under David Shearer. I’m thinking of publishing them all at once, once this gin bottle has been emptied. But first I think I’ll publish a devastating critique of David Bain’s innocence claim.

26 comments on “Imperatorfish: The post I never posted”

  1. quartz 1

    I don’t get it, is this guy pro-shearer or against him?

    • Populuxe1 1.1

      Pro Captain Mumblefuck. Sanctimonious. And far from Imperatorfish’s best effort.

      • Lightly 1.1.1

        I don’t think any post that says Shearer is a “wet-between-the-ears newbie” and “David Shearer was still not the best man for the job”, and jokingly likens him to John Key is pro-him.

        It’s a post of ‘I didn’t write this but here’s what I would have said’ – I think it’s pretty good.

        • QoT 1.1.1.1

          I think you missed the whole bit of the sentence after “because”, which makes IF’s feelings about criticisms of Shearer pretty clear. Hint: he’s saying us haters want Shearer to be Jesus.

  2. I just want a vote for the members triggered by caucus in Feb so we can all unite to fight the next election. That vote can either confirm Shearer or elect another who wishes to put their hat in: Robertson, Cunliffe, Parker, Little. I’m not interested in posts ripping into Shearer or any other potential (or not).

    • Coronial Typer 2.1

      That will at last give us something real and positive to focus on.

      Lots of people want politicians to have a well deserved break. But clearly there are hundreds and hundreds of activists – from those posting on this site for one – who are spoiling for strong leadership of the left to start NOW. Not when parliament reconvenes.

      I want the left to start this year, and finish it. Not always reacting to others.

      Meantime Imperator Fish should flop onto a beach somewhere and dry out.

  3. The Leader is the Leader . Lets show a bit of loyalty to the Party that one belongs too.. Its at branch meetings that one debates the issues .Not in public where the Nats can make use of information. Much as detest National I must admit their disagrements (Which are many I presume0 are rarely in public .Not like us silly buggers who shout our disagreements from the roof tops.
    Please shut up! Use your time helping ,as Mike Smith has asked “To develop ideas and policy that will win us the 2014 election .Lets practice the main reaason Labour is our choice of Party Fraternity .

    • ad 3.1

      Are you aware of the constitutional changes that occurred in November 2012 at the Labour Conference that encourage democratic and public confirmation of the caucus leader?

      • Colonial Viper 3.1.1

        Labour needs to move into an election year looking forwards with maximum momentum.

        A Labour Leader backed by confirmation from the full membership and affiliates would completely re-energise the party and grow our numbers. it would show those leaning towards the Greens that Labour is also a highly democratic party where the voice of each individual member counts.

    • bad12 3.2

      ‘Our’ choice of Party Fraternity??? are there lots of YOU, schizophrenic perhaps???, not MY choice of Party so speak for yourself…

      • Colonial Weka 3.2.1

        Wrong abuse of mentally ill stereotype. I think you mean multiple personality disorder, not schizophrenia.

    • alex 3.3

      Bollocks TPP, why should a membership base that has been shafted by their caucus sit around silently?

    • KhandallaViper 3.4

      Mike Smith, who in on the Labour Caucus payroll? That Mike Smith tpp? Mike Smith is an Independent commentator, YEAH RIGHT.

      You are correct that one does not hear much public criticism of John Key from National supporters.
      There are two obvious reasons that John Key has legitimate tenure as party leader.
      1.The Nats did not give the membership a Leadership Debate Road-show. Labour did and promptly ignored the members preference.
      2. John Key proved himself a competent party leader from day one, as far as Nats Members are concerned.

      • Rhinoviper 3.4.1

        IIRC, word has circulated among Nat party members that if they publicly criticise Key, then their party membership will be revoked.

        I’m sure Curran is jealous.

    • karol 3.5

      Fraternity means “brotherhood”. That’s reassuring.

    • David H 3.6

      Sorry, but Mike Smith is just the caucuses messenger boy, he hops in here drops a couple of messages, usually saying shut up and fall into line, just like good little boys. Just another Seagull poster. He can just go back and get his pat on the head, and tell em we’re NOT playing his silly game!

  4. hush minx 4

    To those who wish commentors would stop commenting in public, I fear your request will fall on deaf ears until a sense of reciprocal responsibility is shown by the parliamentary leadership. Hence the desire of many for a members vote in February so we can all have our say (those who are members, mps or affiliates) and then we either shut up or get in behind. Simple really.
    I’m thinking we should be telling the mps that we know that we want them to vote for a vote (which is not the same as voting against or for any person in particular). Then we can settle this.

  5. geoff 5

    All of us anti-shearer types have had a good lash over the last few days. You’ve tried smacking the bee’s nest but we’re a bit spent sorry, Imperator.
    Maybe try again in a week or so?

  6. Saarbo 6

    IF, Your satire is shit. Just go back to writing serious posts bro. (and I dont only mean this one, I mean most of the stuff on your blog)

  7. xtasy 7

    Hey what is this about 2008, was it not 2005, where Helen won Labour and support parties another term???

    But this must be some bizarre “humour”, right?

    Shearer is a totally UNFIT leader for Labour, almost all of us know this by now. Some say Robertson is using the scene to set his agenda to take over leadership. Some have other ideas. Others want Cunliffe to not perhaps lead the party, but to at least be re-installed on the front bench to talk on damned economics, which is core of the sets of issues this government is not able to deal with good enough.

    Shearer is to me like a bit of a “Stalinist”, he dislikes dissent, challenges, is himself very insecure, so he rather gets the dirty dealers out to shut up dissent and do away with ones who do not support him. We all know what happened to Stalin, and we learned enough about him being a psychopath. Certainly no democrat, whether left or right would ever want such a “leader” running the show.

    I am afraid that Shearer is trying to cover up his deficiencies by being an aotocrat and a bit of a “dictator”. He is likely not to be doing this on his own, yes, I believe there may be the ABC circle, or a similar group of a “gang” working on “supporting” him in an instrumental way.

    That does in any way NOT make for a good leader of the major opposition party. Labour has one last chance, to rid itself of this sicklish hangers on group sitting in Parliament, to vote for a NEW leader, to involve and include the base of the party more, to become more democratic like the Greens are, and to lift itself out of the quagmire. I sadly cannot see this happen though.

    Many are starting to flirt with and fancy the Greens. Yes, they have a lot of ideas, good policies and a better team, but I fear they are perhaps not quite ready yet. Also I am not trusting Russel Norman enough, having become almost a bit like a “green” Winston of recent. Where is their environmental focus, all now rather being talk about econmics, finance and social welfare. That is all good, but do not forget the roots.

    I cannot see the Greens as that solidly left though, as they may be interventionist, but most their voters are middle class to upper middle class urbanites, many academics. That is also good, but it does not provide a close enough link and connection to the labour base, common workers and beneficiaries, despite of Jan Logie being good at raising welfare issues. She has half a dozen of spokesperson areas, or close to that, so welfare always falls short.

    So there is Mana, but that is still dominated by Hone, and the other Pakeha activists only surface now and then. I respect them all, but apart from some good policies, they will never cover enough policies to attract more than a few percent.

    NZ politics needs a bloody shake up, yes this society needs a total rattle and shake, so that ALL wake up and realise, we are largely ALL in this together, but I see too little in ones prepared to share or even comminicate. NZ is a very dysfunctional, broken, disunited and even in some ways heartless society now.

    Sorry to say.

    • KJT 7.1

      The environmental focus is still at the forefront.

      We know, however, that it is not possible to address environmental sustainability without addressing social and economic sustainability, Including, equality issues.

      For example, in a democracy, we are not going to get those at the bottom of the income tree to vote for reducing their standard of living, to make us more environmentally sustainable, while the top 2% are still getting 17% annual rises in wealth.

      We are also not going to succeed in long term environmental sustainability with an economic system that requires constant growth and hence constantly increasing resource use.

  8. Rogue Trooper 8

    it’s the Killing Joke this growth business (Growth Fetish)

    it’s Complications; A Love Like Blood…a love like blood

  9. kiwi_prometheus 9

    QofT: “Hint: he’s saying us haters want Shearer to be Jesus.”

    No you want him to transform into a tom boy superheroine firing purple lightning bolts at unborn babies, if your crazy graphics and rants on your blog site are any indicator…

    … but you’ve changed your graphics yet again! Now your a selfdescribed “grand archduchess”. LOL, what an egotistical maniac!

    • felixviper 9.1

      Oh look, another creepy stalker turning up just to leave off-topic sexist abuse for QoT.

      It’s like this morning all over again.

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  • Prorogation Illegal, rule Scottish judges
    Scottish appeal court judges have declared that Boris Johnson’s decision to suspend parliament in the run-up to the October Brexit deadline is unlawful. The three judges, chaired by Lord Carloway, Scotland’s most senior judge, overturned an earlier ruling that the courts did not have the powers to interfere in the prime ...
    1 week ago
  • Let me explain what I meant by Everyday New Zealanders
    By Simon Bridges. The following is a press release from the office of Simon Bridges, leader of The National Party. Key ora, New Zealand. Happy Maori Language Week. Look, I’m writing to you today because I want to clear something up. There’s been a lot of kerfuffle around some things ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    1 week ago
  • Yes, the SIS is subject to the Public Records Act
    I understand there's some stuff going round about how the SIS "was removed from the list of public offices covered by the Public Records Act in 2017". The context of course being their records derived from US torture, which will be disposed of or sealed. The good news is that ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • An evidence-based discussion of the Canadian fluoride/IQ study
    Dr. Christopher Labos and Jonathan Jarry discuss the recent Canadian fluoride/IQ research. They provide an expert analysis of the paper and its problems. Click on image to go to podcast. The critical debate about the recent ...
    1 week ago
  • Climate Change: Australia in denial
    Australia is burning down again, and meanwhile its natural disaster minister is denying climate change:Australia’s minister responsible for drought and natural disasters, David Littleproud, has said that he doesn’t “know if climate change is manmade”. Clarifying earlier comments that the question is “irrelevant” when considering the Coalition government’s response to ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Philippines activist speaking on the Duterte tyranny
    Auckland Philippines Solidarity is excited to host Professor Judy Taguiwalo for a speaking tour of NZ in September. She is a well-known activist in the Philippines and was a political prisoner under the Marcos dictatorship. Professor Taguiwalo briefly served as a Cabinet member under President Duterte but was forced from ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    1 week ago
  • Disgust
    I have no special insights to offer on the Labour sexual assault coverup. All I have is disgust. Disgust that an organisation could fail its people so badly. Disgust that they punished the victims rather than the perpetrator. Disgust that its party hacks are apparently blaming the victims for demanding ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Speak Up for Women calls out Greens’ censorship
    This open letter to the Green Party was penned after an opinion piece by Jill Abigail, a feminist and founding member of the party, was censored by the Greens’ leadership. (Redline has reprinted her article here).The intolerance of the Green Party leaders and their acceptance of the misogyny of gender ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    1 week ago
  • Member’s Day: End of Life Choice, part 3
    Today is a Member's day, and David Seymour's End of Life Choice Bill continues its slow crawl through its committee stage. They're spending the whole day on it today, though the first hour is likely to be spent on voting left over from last time. After that they'll move on ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Flight to Los Angeles turned back after passengers decide they don’t want to go anymore
    An ambitious plan to fly to Los Angeles petered out into a brief sight-seeing trip and a desire to return home and get some sleep before work tomorrow. Air New Zealand has confirmed a flight to Los Angeles last night was turned back about a quarter of the way into ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Indigenous Futures: defuturing and futuring – an analytical framework for policy development?
    There appears to be consensus – by omission – that the concept of indigenous futures should be accepted at face value. So I scavenged the internet to see if I could locate an academic descriptor or a framework around how we think about it as a concept, and whether it ...
    EllipsisterBy Ellipsister
    2 weeks ago
  • Cadbury rumoured to be releasing the Pineapple Trump
    Here’s another novelty chocolate to shove in your gob, New Zealand Cadbury could be seeking to make itself great again with a rumoured new release: Pineapple Trumps, a spin on its classic chocolate-encased pineapple treat and do-it-yourself tooth remover. The global confectionery manufacturer and bumbling “before” character in an infomercial, ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • The coming resource war.
    During my time in the Pentagon I had the privilege of sitting down with military leaders and defence and security officials from a variety of Latin American nations. Sometimes I was present as a subordinate assistant to a senior US defence department official, sometimes as part of a delegation that ...
    KiwipoliticoBy Pablo
    2 weeks ago
  • Māori Language Week with The Civilian
    Kia ora, Aotearoa. It’s that magical time of year. Te Wiki o te Reo Māori. In English, the week that frightens talk radio. As you probably know by now, all your favourite media outlets are participating, some more successfully than others. Stuff has changed its name to Puna for the ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Will Horizons act on climate change?
    Local body elections are coming up next month. And it looks like all Palmerston North candidates for Horizons (the Manawatu-Whanganui Regional Council) want to take action on climate change:Climate change is set to be a key issue in Palmerston North for the next three years if those wanting to get ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • BORA reform is stalled
    Eighteen months ago, the government promised to strengthen the Bill of Rights Act, by explicitly affirming the power of the courts to issue declarations of inconsistency and requiring Parliament to formally respond to them. So how's that going? I was curious, so I asked for all advice about the proposal. ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Corbyn and Brexit
    As the Brexit saga staggers on, the focus is naturally enough on the Prime Minister and his attempts to achieve Brexit “do or die”. But the role played by the Leader of the Opposition is of almost equal interest and complexity. The first problem for Jeremy Corbyn is that he ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    2 weeks ago
  • A ditch for him to die in
    Last week, English Prime Minister Boris Johnson boldly declared that he would rather die be dead in a ditch than delay Brexit. Unfortunately for him, the UK parliament accepted the challenge, and promptly dug one for him. The "rebellion bill" requires him to ask for and secure yet another temporary ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Warning! Warning! Danger Jacinda Ardern! Danger Marama Davidson! Warning!
    Lost In Political Space: The most important takeaway from this latest Labour sexual assault scandal, which (if I may paraphrase Nixon’s White House counsel’s, John Dean’s, infamous description of Watergate) is “growing like a cancer” on the premiership, is the Labour Party organisation’s extraordinary professional paralysis in the face of ...
    2 weeks ago

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