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John Key’s Summer

Written By: - Date published: 8:53 am, December 22nd, 2012 - 131 comments
Categories: education, Judith Collins, Minister for Overseas Holidays, national, trade - Tags: ,

John Key will no doubt be spending a lot of his summer in Hawaii, dancing, clowning, and hoping to get an invite somewhere from Obama.  However, it looks like he will need to spend some time thinking about reshuffling his cabinet.

Nat cheerleader Tracy Watkins is not confident that parata will stay in her portfolio after the summer:

After Mr Key was forced to step in and save the situation, the pressure grew. She was taking a hammering from the Opposition and teacher unions, and the mounting list of blunders over teacher pay roll problems and Christchurch school closures was painting a picture of incompetence. She is understood to have become increasingly hardline in her view that heads should roll.

The likes of Cabinet hard woman Judith Collins would have fronted immediately and carried it off. But it is a sign of her colleagues’ increasing lack of confidence in Ms Parata that she was instead packed off on holiday and told to lay low.

Mr Key also refused to front, suggesting he is still weighing up his options for a Cabinet reshuffle in January and does not want to get backed too far into a corner over his support for Ms Parata retaining the education portfolio.

And in doing so, Watkins also manages to give Collins a vote of confidence over John Key.  The Audrey Young also weighs in on Parata, making her look like the embodiment of the Peter Principle: promoted above her current capabilities at the time.  However, Young reckons Parata will be given another chance:

She will be spending time with him and their two girls at home on the East Coast before getting back to work in Wellington well before the first cabinet meeting on January 23.

There will be plenty of speculation about whether she will keep education in the reshuffle due in February, following the election of the Speaker. Few people other than political opponents are calling for her head.

And the symbolism of John Key failing his highest ranking Maori MP when her major aim is to prevent Maori failure in education, is probably more than he is willing to face yet.

Highly respected Peter Hughes, formerly of the Ministry of Social Development is to be acting secretary, indicating that Parata will be given another chance to improve confidence in the sector.

Hughes is expected to identify problems in the ministry and address them, changing the culture if he has to. If Parata still has problems after that, then she will be blamed.

Meanwhile, it looks like Key will be happy to wave good-bye to  Tim Groser, having nominated him for a WTO job.  This won’t be decided until May next year.  however, it will be at a time when all eyes will be on the 2014 election, and presumably, Key will be hoping that Groser’s role in NZ selling off NZ, via the TPP, will be nearing its end.  See Gordon Campbell’s article on Groser and his projectile vomit dismissal of Kiwi interests.


131 comments on “John Key’s Summer”

  1. David Viperious H 1

    This must be why he is going back to Hawaii to get his circuits adjusted.

    John Armstrong offering an even more implausible excuse for Dunnokeyo’s year of hell.

    “National’s saving grace as governing party is that it isn’t hated. Not yet, anyway.
    That is largely down to the Prime Minister. However, he cannot afford another year when at times it seemed the real John Key had been captured by aliens and a robot surrogate with several circuits gone AWOL had been sent down to Earth as a replacement.”

    Keep trying John we all need a good laugh.


  2. I always think of Key’s Hawaii hideout as his Scrooge McDuck money vault.
    Every morning after breakfast he goes for a swim through his wealth, pausing only to remove the doubloons caught in his bum crack and to adjust his pauper skin speedos.

    At least we’ll know where the last chopper out of town will be headed, when it takes off Saigon style from the top of his mates Sky tower.

    • Herodotus (CV Supporter) 2.1

      Something like this from Family Guy
      He also has a place in Omaha so he can keep up to date with the common working guy in Kiwiland.
      ps Thanks Novapay and Tallent(less)2 !!!

      • The Al1en 2.1.1


        Rather than send a sad fan mail to Letterman, and end up doing the top ten list I swear I’ve seen a guy in an ape suit do the week before, he should have asked for a guest slot on family guy as Quagmire’s twin.
        I’m sure there’s plenty of clips of Glen in his speedos sucking the life out of a well worn catchphrase. There may even be a three handed shake if you look hard enough.

        Edit a blue rosette onto him and 2014’s election ads just write themselves.

  3. Fisiani 3

    There is such an abundance of talent on the National bench that any reshuffle will only enhance the Government. Given the prospect of unending deficits and unsustainable spending that National inherited in 2008 with the spiteful scorched earth policies of Cullen one can only call the turnaround achievements of the last four years as truly fantastic. Probably explains why National are polling so consistently high. There are now more people employed than ever before, less people claiming unemployment benefit, record low interest rates helping every mortgage payer and a multipronged recovery growth plan on target. Employers can now more easily take on staff and particularly take on teenagers. Have a Good Christmas and New Year. Keep up the good work of pushing the government to continuous improvement.

    • bad12 3.1

      What and then you woke up to realize you were only dreaming, ‘a multi-pronged recovery growth plan’??? would you care to list the multi-prongs or is your pea brain too fried to achieve that…

      • Fisiani 3.1.1

        With pleasure bad12 http://www.national.org.nz/policy.aspx
        The world will not end and the brighter future is yours as well.

        • Geoffcartwright

          Irony that the major policy planks in the finance section from national are Carry overs from labour Helen and Cullen kiwi saver, nz super fund, lower govt debt ratios.
          So this is all what national can do…fissi you should thank us mate.

          • bad12

            He really should stick His head back up His A/hole, trotting out National Party lies as an answer simply makes me want to tear Him a new one,

            I have the sneaky feeling that He is a National Party back-bencher tasked with waving the Party flag over here on the Standard, His whole modus operendi is of one who asks and answers the patsy questions one hears the back-bench ask of Ministers….

            • TighyRighty

              Tolerance alive and well at the standard as usual. Violence is threatened in response to an opposing political view, what a discussion.

              [RL: Nope he would have been banned for that. Clearly he was speaking metaphorically. Besides fisiani is a troll and pretty much one big arsehole already.]

              • bad12

                Tearing someone a new one is a relatively common expression, there is no violence expressed or implied especially as both of us are unknown to each other,

                I think petal you are being just a little too precious, perhaps i should have said ”it makes me want to put Him on the surgery list for major organ rectal replacement,

                Plus what RL said….

                • felixviper

                  Somebody pointed out a while back that it’s essentially a rape metaphor. At the time I thought that was a weird interpretation as I’d never picked up on that connotation before.

                  However now I can’t imagine it being anything but a rape metaphor, and as such highly offensive, and I can’t remember what else I could have thought it to mean.

                  For what it’s worth.

                  • bad12

                    Me neither as far as the rape connotation, heard mostly as a kid especially when coming from a parent was usually a clear sign that we were in deep s**t,

                    Might have to have a little look online later and see if i can’t tease the origins of the expression out of Google…

                    • felixviper

                      Just to be clear, I’m not saying I thought you were actually threatening violence on anyone. Even geniuses like UpTighty and Fisi have to think really hard to be able to pretend they thought that.

                      Just that I think the expression itself is offensive and I found it interesting is all.

                  • RedLogix

                    I’m not here as the language police. If I attempted to moderate out every dodgy un-PC metaphor this place would vanish up it’s own fundamental in very short order.

                    In this case there was no incitement or claim of direct personal violence. It was obviously a metaphoric expression of anger and frustration.

                    And personally I’ve had it with fisiani pulling his faux-outrage stunt every time someone gets pissed with his absurdly sycophantic comments and trying to tell us how to run the site.

                    The permanent ban below is the culmination of many, many warnings.

                  • Napkins

                    Tearing someone a new one = tearing them a new asshole = gaping gut wound.

                  • mike

                    felix, when I read what you said there I had exactly the same experience you describe. At first I thought “Really? How could it be a rape metaphor?” then a few seconds later something clicked and an image appeared in my brain that made me think “That’s how. How could it not be a rape metaphor?”

                    For what it’s worth your comment was worth something to me in that it reminded me how language can be distorted by common usage. (Oh and thanks for the imagery cuz!)

              • Fisiani

                And that from a moderator. No wonder the blogosphere calls it The Sewer. You do not have to let impotence turn into intolerance.

                [RL: You are indeed a sycophantic arsehole fisiani. It’s a creepy and low form of trolling that you’ve been warned repeatedly over several years to stop, but it’s made no difference. I have to note that it’s always those who have had the most rope who are the first to cry ‘censorship’ or ‘intolerance’.

                Nor do you ever add much value to the debate. Permanent ban.]

                • felixviper

                  No, the blogosphere does not. That is a lie, fis.

                • bad12

                  Cannot you get anything right buckwheat, ‘the sewer’ is the place from whence you have obviously come and hence you should really consider going back to,

                  ‘The sewer’ is run by Blubber-boy if you need anymore of a clue,

                  Here’s another hint, when i asked for you to list for me this mythical ‘multi-pronged growth recovery strategy’ i wasn’t asking for a link to the NZSCUM Party’s website,

                  What i would have been happy with would have been a discussion in your own words of what you see as this ‘growth recovery strategy’ which could have lead to a rebuttal and ongoing discussion on the subject,

                  The fact that the only thing you could offer in reply was a link to the NZSCUM Party simply makes you a waste of pixels and as far as i can see a prime candidate for some dramatic rectal replacement surgery…

                • McFliper

                  Wow – the National Party Pravda editor collected a permaban? ’tis indeed the season to be jolly 🙂

                • Lanthanide

                  Thanks for the long-overdue ban, RL.

    • Lanthanide 3.2

      “There is such an abundance of talent on the National bench that any reshuffle will only enhance the Government. ”
      Which means you think the government has a sub-optimal allocation at present.

      “Given the prospect of unending deficits and unsustainable spending that National inherited in 2008 with the spiteful scorched earth policies of Cullen one can only call the turnaround achievements of the last four years as truly fantastic.”
      If Labour had won the 2008 election they also would have changed the policy settings so as to turn around the economic projections.

      “Probably explains why National are polling so consistently high.”
      No, it doesn’t. Also they’re slipping, if you hadn’t noticed, and if an election were held now, there is serious doubt as to whether National would come out of it as the government.

      “There are now more people employed than ever before”
      Yeah, that’s what happens when the population grows.

      “less people claiming unemployment benefit”
      Actually that’s not true. Also the correct word is “fewer”.

      “record low interest rates helping every mortgage payer”
      The interest rates are low because the economy is not performing well.

      “a multipronged recovery growth plan on target”
      Which is why the deficit is larger than expected and treasury have downgraded their estimates for growth in the future and why the government had to do a last-minute petrol tax hike in order to just barely claim a surplus in the 2014/2015 financial year.

      “Employers can now more easily take on staff and particularly take on teenagers”
      Actually they can more easily get rid of staff. Nothing has changed to ease the hiring of workers.

      “Keep up the good work of pushing the government to continuous improvement.”
      I’m sure we’ll see the government of NZ improve the country significantly in the future, particularly after the next election.

    • David Viperious H 3.3

      “There is such an abundance of talent on the National bench that any reshuffle will only enhance the Government.” You are fucking joking. If Shonkey goes, then the rest are about as appealing as having a leg amputated with out unaesthetic.

      “There are now more people employed than ever before” Are you completely demented?? Unemployment is at 7.3% the HIGHEST since the last time the NATS were in power.

      The reason National are polling consistently higher, is because the pollsters only ring landlines.

      There are less people collecting the UB. Yep because they have ALL gone to Australia.

      Jesus Fisi come up with something original.

    • xtasy 3.4

      “There is such an abundance of talent on the National bench that any reshuffle will only enhance the Government.”

      Talent in the National government:

      John Key – smart alec part time talk back host, gangnam rapper, boardwalk sweetie, gay festival cheerleader, hole in the brain (memory) expert, deal breaker who forgets that the rule of law applies in NZ also, unlike in places where he would do great business anytime;

      Gerry Brownlee – democracy neutraliser, who brought in CERA to run Christchurch outside the Council bounds, land development advocate, who rushes into deals that are classed as illegal by the courts; wood-working teacher turned minister, who is sometimes great with words, but a real talent by insulting populations of friendly countries (e.g. Finland);

      Stephen Joyce – former media manager, deal breaker to get Mediaworks out of trouble with state generosity, hence walking a tight rope between legality and corruption, at the same time doing all to destroy public broadcasting competition to private media and broadcasting; full of ideology and smart talk, but often not quite in touch with real facts which he strongly dislikes;

      Paula Bennett – another law breaker, who willingly and intentionally leaks private details about individual beneficiaries who dared to criticise some of her policies; who got a wet bus ticket warning from the Human Rights Tribunal, and bluntly declared, she would do it again (breach privacy laws); who opened up the WINZ kiosks with great fanfare, but who wanted nothing to do with the evident privacy and system security issues exposed by a blogger and journalist; also full of contempt for the real needs of people she is supposed to look after, ignoring specialist advice and pushing welfare “reforms” that are according to legal and other experts not just illegal, they are highly ineffective, counter productive, unfair, punitive and will do nothing to resolve welfare issues; but at least she knows how to tell someone to “ZIP IT”, right?;

      Tony Ryall – admittedly a smart and effective minister and operator, but a bit high on propaganda, cutting funding for various mental health and other services already in huge crisis and need, yet constantly presenting the broken record of reductions of waiting lists for people needing “elective surgery”;

      Hekia Parata – another one “expert” and “talent” of sorts, highly glorified for “talent” before being put in charge of education, then stumbling from one major policy and other problem to another, thus having to flip flop and back-track on school class size policies, being totally out of touch with addressing school reconstruction and new planning in Christchurch, without properly consulting the school principals, teachers and parents, intending to close a special school for girls in Nelson, without taking consideration to safety issues, then being put into place by a High Court decision; having no real answers for the Novapay issues, that get worse again, after having persisted for months;

      Nick Smith – former minister for ACC, writing a reference for Bronwyn Pullar on ministerial letter head paper; prior to that highly in charge of “creative accounting” by turning somewhat healthy looking figures into supposed crisis figures, then going about to slash the complex claims lists, by getting hatchet doctors to make the (biased) decisions ACC prefers;

      Nathan Guy – minister for immigration, not being informed to know, that Sky City Casino was already making deals with Southern China Airlines and Immigration NZ, to fast track “high value clients” to get easy permits to get into NZ, so they can go straight to the casino gambling; also out of step repeatedly with what goes on in his ministry and departments; I have not heard him say anything on migrants working for less than the minimum wage;

      Phil Heatley – minister for housing, who has at times been telling half- and untruths about the true state of affairs within Housing NZ, is working with property speculators and developers, to sell off Housing NZ stock, to shift out the tenants (supposedly voluntarily) into smallish boxes to live in, to supposedly make room for new and “better” Housing; he also used the North Sea as a good example to “prove” that deap sea oil drilling is safe, but forgot, that the North Sea in Northern Europe is not even “deep sea” area (!);

      Amy Adams – one new minister for the environment, who praised the Rio summit on climate issues, but forgot, that it was a disastrous meeting, achieving much less than most had expected; also very selective on how to interpret achievements in environmental policy, which is found as easily as a needly in a hay-stack;

      Bill English – constantly telling us the economy is in good shape, while unemployment is at a 16 year high, growth for the last year has been corrected downward to 2 per cent, manufacturing is shrinking, and exports largely being more of the same (milk powder, baby formula, meat, raw logs, raw fish, fruit and a bit of this and that, hardly a “knowledge economy);

      Tim Groser – upsetting many friendly countries by snubbing their appeal to NZ to not just opt out of the Kyoto Protocol, as he has done; great man, recommendable for a WTO leadership post, as he is such a great “negotiator” (selling NZ interests out) and a superb “diplomat”, aye;

      and the list could go on, dear Fisiani and some like-minded!

      Yes, some of us are critical of the front bench and Shearer in Labour, but honestly, where is National’s “talent”, if I may ask.

      There may be a few experienced ones like Collins, Ryall and to a moderate degree English and Joyce (despite of their constant spinning and hypocrisy), but the rest are green behind their ears, more wannabe material, more suited for quick mince meat.

      Have a good night with your great Natzy “talent show” for tonight!


    • peterlepaysan 3.5

      Do you remember when JK and the Nats (sounds like a fifties pop band) promised matching oz wages etc etc?

      Key must have been right (never left) according to immigration stats more and more kiwis are coming back from oz. Probably due to the high wages and vast job opportunites offered by a 1950’s pop band.

      Given that success he deserves a holiday in his homeland.

    • Curran's Viper 3.6

      Don’t knock optimism in the face of adversity.



      [Talent2 boss – we’re losing money on Novopay]

      [Talent2 investors face tough choice over privatisation]

      [Talent2 faces financial penalties if Novopay not fixed by Wednesday – Key]

      [Talent2 system at NZ Post also failed]

      [Talent2 is the leading Human Resources Business Process Outsourcing. (HR BPO) … In a challenging period for the global economy, Talent2’s robust business ]

      [“Allegis, Morgan & Banks to Acquire Talent2”]

      err .. Morgan & Banks created ‘Talent2’, Allegis web site is currently crashing..


      [Talent2 picked before NZ payroll providers for Novopay]


      [Statement from Hon John Banks re: Talent2]

      [Talent2: Seven good reasons to go from public to private]

      [Headlines include
      ‘A murky email trail’
      ‘Goldman says Talent2 offer is in line’
      ‘Recruiters take jobs shock in their stride’
      ‘More jobs but white-collar recruiters’ blues remain’
      ‘Talent2 slides into red as clients defer hiring’
      ‘Chairman stocks up on Talent2’
      ‘Talent2 half-year result ‘disappointing’: CEO’
      ‘Talent2 International (TWO)
      A recent market update from recruitment and human resources group Talent2 sent its shares into a nosedive, as EBITDA for the six months to December 31 is expected to be significantly below that achieved a year ago.’
      ‘Another recruiter under pressure’
      ‘Talent2 sees its future in Asia growth’
      ‘Tough conditions prevail despite Talent2 profit boost’ ]

      .. is there a pattern here ?

  4. Ignore those living in poverty at your peril, knob head.
    Every one of them with a vote, given real hope and genuine social security, could easily form a voting block this country has never seen.

    Whoever taps the vast number of disenfranchised, trumps the spin doctoring of National and Labour, and ensures true representation for those left, outside the narrowing middle so much policy from blue/red is aimed clearly at.
    National could never win them, Labour take them for granted and regardless, every voter deserves better than than they’re currently getting.

    • aerobubble 4.1

      Labour have yet to explain why its vote collapsed. For sure, Key on scrapped back in and the Greens scored big. But sill there’s the collapse of Labour’s vote, why???

      • bad12 4.1.1

        They had no election bribes like tax cuts for the rich to offer the electorate…

        • Populuxe1

          Except that the rich are in the minority and thus election bribes for the poor would make more sense. Logic fail on your part methinks.

          • McFliper

            the best bribe is one that people think they received, but never actually did…

          • Crimson Nile

            “Except that the rich are in the minority and thus election bribes for the poor would make more sense. Logic fail on your part methinks.”

            Except that the most reliable turnout on Election Day comes from the middle class and the wealthy. But you already knew that.

          • bad12

            Except that the election bribes were extended also to the middle class who by always voting for the highest bidder in an election contest empower the rich to be so…

  5. Tiresias 5

    While I would be hard-pressed to find the common decency to throw a rope to a drowning John Key I suspect one thing he has in spades is a sense of nobless oblige – it’s more often found in those who believe they have become one of the nobs than in one born to it and will express itself in a display of loyalty to those in the immediate circle who kow-tow to them or otherwise stroke that sense of entitlement they aspire to regardless of their actual abilites or worth . Hence his loyalty to his minions as long as they display loyalty to him, because ultimately that’s all that matters.

    With the wheels falling off his expectation that success as Prime Minister would fall into his lap and his ‘Golden Boy’ image becoming increasingly tarnished expect him to draw further and further into ‘Planet Key’ and see ever more of him gazing skyward with his hands over his ears chanting “la-la-la, can’t hear you,” as the awkward questions and criticisms mount.

    • Lanthanide 5.1

      “I suspect one thing he has in spades is a sense of nobless oblige”
      Erm, I really don’t think so.

      An easy way to have shown it would have been a tax levy imposed on high income earners (of which he is one) to help fund the CHCH rebuild. Instead it’s just coming out of general taxation.

    • felixviper 5.2

      I agree with Lanth, Key only seems interested in sucking up to those richer and more powerful than himself.

      ps I think it’s “noblesse”, or in Key’s case possibly “knobless” 😉

      • mike 5.2.1

        “Key only seems interested in sucking up to those richer and more powerful than himself.”

        I’m reminded of Dr Robert Hare’s Snakes in Suits on corporate psychopaths. He said they generally divide others in three groups. Those below them, who they ignore or treat with contempt, toying and fucking with them for amusement. Those on the same level, who are to be manipulated, used, and stabbed in the back in whatever way is most useful for their own advancement. And those above them for whom they slip into full blown ‘I wanna be your golf buddy and the godfather of your children’ ass-kissing mode.

        Then I was reminded that I once read an online bio of John Key where it was written that at the age of 10 (I think) he told his mum that he wanted to learn how to play golf. Not because he liked golf, but because that’s where business deals get done. This was put forth as indicative of his being a child prodigy money guy. I just found it disturbing. (I had a quick look but can’t find the link.)

  6. George D 6

    So, assuming in the next six months Parata is demoted and Groser leaves: who replaces them?

    • karol 6.1

      Well, I think Groser s a list MP, so maybe Paul Foster-Bell? Nat 2011 list:


      As for replacements. I don’t know. They don’t have that many good performers.

      Nat MPs:


      Current cabinet


      • felixviper 6.1.1

        Don’t make the mistake of thinking any promotions will be based on merit. They will be based solely on the image National wants to project in the 2014-or-sooner election.

        Expect useless dead-weights like Nikki “passionate about being passionate” Kaye and Mike “did I mention I used to be a policeman” Sabin to find themselves in over their empty heads.

        Also Nick Smith is back in. Such is the depth of talent.

        • felixviper

          Oh also I forgot to mention the most likely scenario: All their portfolios go to Joyce.

        • Anne

          Expect useless dead-weights like Nikki “passionate about being passionate” Kaye…

          Goodness me. I heard Mike Williams on the last Radio NZ political slot of the year make reference to her as being worthy of promotion. He also thought Nick Smith should return to Cabinet. Sure I heard right.

          Mind you, I’ve heard Williams say some surprising things in recent times. Spends too much time with right wingers (Boag, Hooton and co.) and he’s been captured by them? Or, maybe he likes to be associated with whoever happen to be part of the the current political movers and shakers? Bit of both I reckon.

          • felixviper

            I reckon you might be right.

          • karol

            Those choices all sound like a recipe for further disasters. Key has given the education portfolio to one novice after another – they get chewed up and spat out. So if Kaye was given it, any promise her career had, she can wave bye-bye to.

            And Nick Smith? So tainted they’re giving him another go? Should make for an interesting year.

            • bad12

              Talking of Nick Smith, i had the dinner ruining moment earlier tonight thinking what a hoot it would be if Slippery nailed Him by the arms into the Speakers chair,

              It would make Parliament TV a must watch, the surge of power that is alleged to have fried the better parts of Nick’s inner cranial cavity after Doctor Dullard, Don Brash, made Nick his Deputy would be insignificant in comparison,

              it is rumored that Nick upon His elevation to Deputy under Dullard immediately began stalking the corridors barking orders at MP’s, even the Labour ones…

            • Lanthanide

              Nah, just because they’ve given it to novices that have over-reached themselves and fucked up royally, doesn’t mean another novice will do the same. Be pretty easy just to sit there and do nothing.

      • outofbed 6.1.2

        Paul Foster-Bell
        Hm Thats the guy who added the “bell” to the end of his name whilst in UK
        He is in fact a bellend so probably quite apt

        • felixviper

          lols, from what I’ve seen of him he seems a very thoughtful and considerate human being, in spite of his obvious philosophical failings.

          I do suspect though that he was selected because he looks a bit like Grant Robertson and the Nats figured they might pick up a few apolitical voters in the confusion.

          I don’t know if he’s at all suited to politics. He probably ought to be working for a charitable trust or something.

  7. bad12 7

    As far as Slippery’s summer goes i bet He is cursing the fact that His little scheme to give the ‘arch plotter’ Maurice Williamson a kick sideways into the Speakers chair failed abysmally,

    Most of them, hah most of, the whole unsavory pack of them would have fallen over in slobbering delight at being offered the Speakers role,

    Maurice tho wasn’t having a bar of it, obviously He hasn’t finished painting the target on the back of a fast failing Prime Minister yet,

    Better add Maurice’s name to the list of contenders once they decide to put the knife into Slippery…

  8. vto 8

    I wouldn’t want John Key’s summer. From what I’ve seen he looks very boring. Worked in a bank, worked in a bank, went to parliament, planked, went on the rock FM, did the gangnam style

    • felixviper 8.1

      Met the queen. Don’t forget met the queen.

    • bad12 8.2

      What you see is simply an evolving ‘smile’n’wave of the previous Parliamentary term, Slippery is simply trying to add a personality to combat the dead-eyed psycho look that He occasionally gets caught exhibiting,

      What He looks like with such posturing is (a) a trading floor burn out who put out to pasture is now trying to recapture the lost years of youth, (b) a bloke who’s house got burgled one night and the perps left the closet door open and He has just come to realize He can come out now, (c) a proper prize winning ‘f**k-wit laboring under the fallacy that His poncing about like the ‘dancing queen’ is somehow amusing and makes Him look like a ‘fun’ Prime Minister instead of the village idiots twin brother,

      (d), All of the above…

      • felixviper 8.2.1

        I also think he’s fallen victim to believing his own bullshit. His recent comment about how his job involves “entertaining thousands of people” was a glimpse behind the dead eyes that too few have picked up on.

        I think when he goes on the radio he believes he’s there because he has a talent for radio.

        I think he believes the All Blacks were talking to him during the world cup because he knows a lot about sports.

        I think when he went on Letterman he believed his stand-up comedy skills were relevant.

        I think when he high-fives schoolgirls he believes they think he’s attractive, like a pop star.

        I think he genuinely does not understand that he is invited to do these things because the Prime Minister arsing around is considered amusing by some.

        He’s just like David Brent in so many ways.

        • bad12

          You mean like turning the Office of the Prime Minister into a parody of a Crusty the Clown skit…

        • mike

          Spot on felix, it’s almost like in his first term he was doing his best to be that jokey laidback everykiwi, and in the last year or so he’s decided that, akshully, he’s really good at it.

          Cue various cringeworthy behaviours in varying social situations. Kind of like the sociopath who will say and do whatever they think will ingratiate themselves best with whatever audience they happen to be with.

  9. xtasy 9

    I just got confirmed that Obama will be spending Christmas on Hawaii himself also!

    That is where he grew up for many years. So it is is “home”.

    Now, would Key not have known this, maybe a BBQ is opportune, to have a chat about how to get rid of Dotcom, more swiftly, perhaps have a lesson learned from Mossad, have special elite troops come here, and take him out and away in the dark of night, before the lawyers and courts have any chance to react?!

    That would solve a problem for Key and his agencies, it would solve a problem for Obama, the FBI, Biden and the Hollywood film studios.

    I am intrigued, I am worried, this is interesting stuff that is going on!

  10. tc 10

    I find it a stretch to far for my imagination that Key does any such thing.

    He will front whatever changes the hollowmen and advisers make but to think he actually thinks this type of stuff through and makes the calls….yeah right.

    He’s just a front man puppet biding time for a return to some serious coin in banskta land.

  11. TheContrarian 11

    I have always found this weird obsession of The Standard to deride Key because he holidays in Hawaii (as if it really fucking mattered what someone does with their holiday – is he not allowed?) to be fairly juvenile.

    There are many, many things to pin on Key but holidaying in Hawaii? Who gives a fuck? And if you do, why?

    But, shit, I am going to collect ban for referring to The Standard as a single entity and prentice hates it when people waste his time thinking that a machine has thoughts.

    • McFliper 11.1

      It illustrates a number of things about inequality, kicking the ladder away, plutocracy, Key’s lack of sense to holiday overseas while minister of tourism, and the fact that Key, like you, either fails to notice the message it sends or simply doesn’t give a fuck that it makes him look like a dickhead.

      • TheContrarian 11.1.1

        Yeah, I recall Helen Clark spending her summers hiking in Kenya, France etc etc.

        Yeah “but she wasn’t minister of tourism” you might say…as if it makes a meaningful difference.

        We all get holidays, and we can do what we want with them.

        • felixviper

          “…and the fact that Key, like you, either fails to notice the message it sends or simply doesn’t give a fuck…”

          Beautifully illustrated.

          • TheContrarian

            Beautifully illustrated? More like stupidly vomited like a worthless drunk with shit for brains and an empty wallet.

            Don’t even fucking pretend that if your man/woman were in power and holidayed overseas you’d still give a fuck. Lying, hypocritical pricks that you are.

            Come on, sweet stuff, you wouldn’t lie to me now would you?

            (EDIT: I can’t honestly call you a liar – haven’t seen you do that yet so I’ll retract it. Hypocrite yes, liar no.)

            • McFliper

              Can’t speak for anyone else, but if my chosen party were in power the pm/minister for tourism wouldn’t holiday in overseas mansions while (and this is the important bit, fuckbrain) while giving a figurative kick in the nuts to every poor person in the country every single day of the year.

              • TheContrarian

                Boo, how dare he holiday IN A MANSION! What a fucking asshole!

                Hey now look man – I agree there is a lot of shit to complain about when it comes to National and Key…they don’t have a good record for sure. But your impotent rage about him holidaying in Hawaii…in a fucking mansion no less! is childish, envious, lame, stupid, dumb and smacking of a guy with fuck all else to do but complain about it because he ain’t there and never will be.

                Were you this upset when Clark went hiking overseas in the summer? No you weren’t…because she did Milford once.

                • felixviper

                  Why are you pretending it’s about holidaying in Hawaii, TC? You must be missing well over half of what is being said to you.

                  • TheContrarian

                    More like a fifth I would have thought

                    • felixviper

                      So let me know when you’ve read the rest.

                      It’ll be obvious, because you will have stopped pretending that what bothers people is the simple one-dimensional occurrence of a man having a holiday.

                • McFliper

                  Well fuck me, I said it was the important bit and put it in emphasis tags and it still didn’t show up on your radar. Do us all a favour and don’t get a job as an air traffic controller.

                • KJT

                  Don’t you see what is wrong with NZ millionaires spending their excessive tax cuts, which were supposed to stimulate the NZ economy (Joke), on Hawaii holidays.

            • felixviper

              I don’t see what you’re disagreeing with here. McFliper said you either didn’t notice the message it sends or you didn’t give a fuck.

              You said “as if it makes a meaningful difference.”

              Which is another way of saying you either don’t perceive a difference or you do perceive a difference but you don’t consider it important, which is another way of saying you don’t give a fuck.

              See? We’re all saying the same thing.

              All of that also applies to “We all get holidays, and we can do what we want with them.”

              You don’t give a fuck what Key does with his holidays. Good for you. I do, because I think it sends a message, which you either don’t perceive or don’t give a fuck about.

              Which is exactly what McFliper said in the first place.

              I genuinely don’t see which bit is making you angry.

              • TheContrarian

                ” I do, because I think it sends a message, which you either don’t perceive or don’t give a fuck about”

                So you were really upset when Helen Clark went hiking in Kenya over her holiday? I bet you moaned and slammed your fist on the table with anger.

                • felixviper

                  Why would that bother me, TC?

                  • TheContrarian

                    Merry christmas Felix. Chat soon snookims.

                    • felixviper

                      Ah I see. Another conversation where you embarrass yourself into a corner and then run away screaming that it’s all beneath you.

                      Enjoy your holidays.

                    • TheContrarian

                      Indeed, I’m crying and wetting my pants.

                    • felixviper

                      No, you’re just pretending the discussion is beneath you in a hopelessly transparent display of bravado, despite your comments still being on the page for all to see.

                      As usual.


                    • TheContrarian

                      Na, I was really pissed. It was fun, thanks for playing.

                    • felixviper

                      Well now that you’re sober, feel free to point out the part that causes you so much trouble in McFliper’s statement that you either don’t notice or don’t give a fuck about the message Key is sending.

              • Populuxe1

                “You don’t give a fuck what Key does with his holidays. Good for you. I do, because I think it sends a message, which you either don’t perceive or don’t give a fuck about.”

                That is as ridiculous as some Muslim cleric (and the Iowa Supreme Court, apparently) demanding women wear burkas and stay locked up at home because they might give the menfolk impure thoughts. Get the fuck over your bitter self. The important thing is how National is fucking up, not where a politician chooses to take their holidays.

                • felixviper

                  I want you to re-read what you said there and then go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

        • McFliper

          She also went tramping in Fiordland. And yes, it does matter if the minister of tourism holidays overseas. It’s like bill gates using an iphone.

          • TheContrarian

            Puerile and childish much? What are you, fucking 12 years old? Jesus man, I thought you were an adult.

            • Napkins

              The aristocracy may leisurely take in the sights, smells and tastes of far away lands, confident that their holdings at home are being carefully tended to day to day by their serfs.

            • felixviper

              You’ll sleep much better if you just accept that from time to time, in your life, there will be conversations occurring around you that you don’t understand.

            • McFliper

              Does Bill Gates use an iPhone?
              Did Rob Fyfe travel on QANTAS?
              Did Steve Jobs use Vista? (okay, that one’s a straw man. Nobody used Vista, Vista used them.)

              It’s basic fucking branding. If the person in charge doesn’t use the product they sell, it’s a freaking goldmine for their competitors.

              Oh, shit, sorry guys. I forgot cont’s alter-ego is MEGATROLL: moron of the universe, with superpower “nananana not listening”! Difficult to tell which personality he’s putting forward at times.

        • karol

          As I recall, Clark also did a fair bit of tramping in the NZ Southern Alps.

          • lprent

            And cross country skiing.

            • Dv

              Look at the comment 12 below. Para 4.

              • Viper73

                Let me explain it for everyone here: John Key bad, Helen Clark good

                Whatever John Key does is…bad, whatever Helen Clark does is…good

                John uses his getaway in Hawaii which he paid for out of his own pocket = bad
                Helen goes on overseas trips paid for out of her own pocket = good

                There has everyone got it?

    • infused 11.2

      Last bit made me lol.

  12. xtasy 12

    All those acing in “good faith” be prepared for disillusionments>

    NZ government is surveilling a lot of what goes on on the web and so forth. It is all controlled.

    So you may believe in freedom and the likes, it is a JOKE.

    I am going to commit suicide soon, because it was the government that lied to me, betrayed me and treated me with total contempt, being a WINZ client with suicidal tendencies and more serious health issues.

    They have been cheating most sick and disabled for years, using biased designated doctors of their choices.

    It is like at ACC, they have their hatchet doctors, and that is why many were denied health related benefits for hears. I cannot talk or say more, as my days are numbered, I have even received indirect death threats. Do stand up all sick and disabled, you are being treated with contempt by WINZ and ACC! The fight has just started, take a stand and NEVER give in to this corrupt, rotten system we have in NZ.

    [RL: I have emailed you.]

    • karol 12.1

      xtasy, I always value your comments, and the information you have provided about your experiences and research on ACC, WINZ, etc. I’m sorry to hear of how difficult things are for you. I hope you are feeling a little better today.

    • Napkins 12.2

      Stay with us man, its a hard road but don’t give the bastards the satisfaction. There will be a great levelling.

    • Viper73 12.3

      [RL: Deleted and banned for one month.]

      • Te Reo Putake 12.3.1

        Good call, RL.

        Xtasy, I hope things look better this morning. As you say, the fight has just started. Don’t stop now!

        Kia kaha, comrade.

    • Geoffcartwright 12.4

      From the internationale let us never be divided, let no one die alone, together we can face the terror. We will rise united and strong to free us from the suffering, let no walls or borders divide us, together we are strong.
      Rise my man and face the terror, we need you on the barricades.

      • belladonna 12.4.1

        I feel your pain xtasy. Have you tried the obvious support networks like Sallies, counselling,
        beneficiaries advisory support, your MP (let them know the reality of how life is for some).
        Take a day at a time and get angry not depressed when you can. My thoughts are with you.

    • veutoviper 12.5


      You are not alone, you are very much valued by a lot of us here.

      Kia Kaha

      RL – thanks for action re V73.

    • mike 12.6

      I also value your comments xtasy.

    • RedLogix 12.7

      [Update: Xtasy has replied to me in private. He or she is ok. No need for details; anyone with a mature experience of life can readily understand and empathise.]

  13. karol 13

    And it seems there’s another nail in Parata’s Cabinet portfolio coffin today, with this report on Stuff:


    Education Minister Hekia Parata has been rapped over the knuckles by the Privacy Commissioner for going over the head of a teacher who had written to her, and replying to the school board instead of the letter-writer.

    The revelation of the commissioner’s investigation comes two weeks after Parata apologised for bungling the response to a letter written by the school principal, after a 13-year-old pupil committed murder.

    • Lanthanide 13.1

      Pretty sure that’s old news that the media is reheating for some more controversy. The dates would certainly agree. I’m pretty sure I heard about this several months ago. Maybe the new bit is just that the privacy commissioner has released a ruling on it. Even so, I think if it were some other minister it wouldn’t have been reported, or would have been reported in much less detail / prominence.

      Or perhaps Parata has just done it again.

      It seems like the MSM is really putting the boot in on novopay as well.

  14. infused 14

    What a cluster fuck this place is. Crying about Key holidaying overseas. Jesus christ. Good luck in 2014. I thought you would have learnt buy now. Obviously not.

    • karol 14.1

      Actually, this post is about Key having to spend his summer contemplating whEther or not to demote Parata, and when and who he will bring into cabinet to replace Tim Groser.

      • infused 14.1.1

        You’d think otherwise having his holiday mentioned 30 times in this thread.

        • RedLogix

          I dunno … the right thought it ok to bang on for about a decade or so about aspects of Helen Clark’s private life.

          So when John Key who is the Minister of Tourism never actually tours in his own country … do us a favour and breath through your nose while it’s mentioned a few times.

  15. Is the taxpayer burdened in any way by the leader of the country fucking off to his money pit by having to pay airfares, extra security costs, flying ministerial red boxes out, that sort of thing?

    If they are, then as well as Key getting a grand a week in tax cuts on investments he’s not allowed by law to play with, he’s found another way to cost a shit load for a shit load of nothing in return.

  16. AC 16

    Performance Pay for Politicians starting with a salary equivalent to the minimum wage. Apparently there are no other influences that have a considerable negative impact on a child’s learning except the quality of the teacher. I’m sure there is no other factor to take into consideration except for the quality of our politicians when it comes to our poor unemployment rate etc.

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