Key and English – best of friends.
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3:30 pm, November 25th, 2013 - 34 comments
Categories: bill english, john key, Satire -
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By Tracey Watshite, Cadet Reporter.
In a surprising development, John Key has taken to bringing “a friend” with him to serious media interviews.
In the last week, Key has been interviewed by Tracy Watkins twice and appeared on the cutting edge TVNZ political programme Q and A. In all three media stints, Key was accompanied by Bill English.
Key justified the new approach stating that their unique “chemistry was obvious to all in parliament, especially the Speaker, David Carter” and he wanted the public to know, just how well they got on.
When questioned whether this was relevant and important in the lives of ordinary Kiwis, Key said “Yes the voters really want to know this stuff. It is a major issue that troubles New Zealanders from all walks of live, even beneficiaries and those on low wages and frankly its one of the key platforms we will be contesting the 2014 election on”.
Key cited television shows such as the Marc Ellis and Matthew Ridge show, which was extremely popular in the 1990’s as to how important this sort of male “bromance” is to New Zealanders. “Look those guys even got an advertising gig from Fresh Up and Matthew pulled super-model Nicki Watson”
When challenged that that there might be a deeper motive to Key taking English along to media gigs, Key admitted that the questions in parliament seemed to be getting a quite a bit harder since around September and so he had decided it was safer to take Bill with him to interviews. “ Bill is actually capable of answering a question”. Key added “while my usual approach is just to laugh things off, I suspect the public could grow a little weary of this”.
Key added with the high calibre of comedy shows on tvnz, being a funny guy had become, well really quite competitive. Part of National’s strategy was now to convince voters that I am a serious guy and that there is more to running a country than having a laugh”.
When asked if he and English would be approaching electioneering as a comedy duo, Key looked shocked and stated “We can’t. Bill isn’t funny. It not going to happen”. However Key did hint at National establishing a new t.v. quiz show to appear on TV2 in the New Year, called Opportunity Knocks.
In this multinational companies will go through a tendering process where they try to undercut each other to procure a government contract. “Its a money or the bag type scenario” said Key. “They have the choice of tax payers money to bail them out or gaining competitive advantages, such as extra pokie machines as in the Sky City Casino deal. These a lot of competition in the National caucus to be the host. But I do think with my credentials in money trading, I am the right guy for the job though”.
Susan Nact
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- State Highway 3 project to deliver safer journeys, better travel connections for TaranakiConstruction has begun on major works that will deliver significant safety improvements on State Highway 3 from Waitara to Bell Block, Associate Minister of Transport Kiri Allan announced today. “This is an important route for communities, freight and visitors to Taranaki but too many people have lost their lives or ...21 hours ago
- Ginny Andersen appointed as Minister of PolicePrime Minister Chris Hipkins has today appointed Ginny Andersen as Minister of Police. “Ginny Andersen has a strong and relevant background in this important portfolio,” Chris Hipkins said. “Ginny Andersen worked for the Police as a non-sworn staff member for around 10 years and has more recently been chair of ...2 days ago
- Government confirms vital roading reconnectionsSix further bailey bridge sites confirmed Four additional bridge sites under consideration 91 per cent of damaged state highways reopened Recovery Dashboards for impacted regions released The Government has responded quickly to restore lifeline routes after Cyclone Gabrielle and can today confirm that an additional six bailey bridges will ...2 days ago
- Foreign Minister Mahuta to meet with China’s new Foreign MinisterForeign Minister Nanaia Mahuta departs for China tomorrow, where she will meet with her counterpart, State Councillor and Foreign Minister Qin Gang, in Beijing. This will be the first visit by a New Zealand Minister to China since 2019, and follows the easing of COVID-19 travel restrictions between New Zealand and China. ...2 days ago
- Education Ministers from across the Pacific gather in AotearoaEducation Ministers from across the Pacific will gather in Tāmaki Makaurau this week to share their collective knowledge and strategic vision, for the benefit of ākonga across the region. New Zealand Education Minister Jan Tinetti will host the inaugural Conference of Pacific Education Ministers (CPEM) for three days from today, ...2 days ago
- State Highway 5 reopens between Napier and Taupō following Cyclone GabrielleA vital transport link for communities and local businesses has been restored following Cyclone Gabrielle with the reopening of State Highway 5 (SH5) between Napier and Taupō, Associate Minister of Transport Kiri Allan says. SH5 reopened to all traffic between 7am and 7pm from today, with closure points at SH2 (Kaimata ...2 days ago
- Special Lotto draw raises $11.7 million for Cyclone Gabrielle recoveryInternal Affairs Minister Barbara Edmonds has thanked generous New Zealanders who took part in the special Lotto draw for communities affected by Cyclone Gabrielle. Held on Saturday night, the draw raised $11.7 million with half of all ticket sales going towards recovery efforts. “In a time of need, New Zealanders ...3 days ago
- Government delivers a $3 million funding boost for Building Financial Capability servicesThe Government has announced funding of $3 million for providers to help people, and whānau access community-based Building Financial Capability services. “Demand for Financial Capability Services is growing as people face cost of living pressures. Those pressures are increasing further in areas affected by flooding and Cyclone Gabrielle,” Minister for ...5 days ago
- Education New Zealand | Manapou ki te Ao – new Chair and memberMinister of Education, Hon Jan Tinetti, has announced appointments to the Board of Education New Zealand | Manapou ki te Ao. Tracey Bridges is joining the Board as the new Chair and Dr Therese Arseneau will be a new member. Current members Dr Linda Sissons CNZM and Daniel Wilson have ...5 days ago
- Scholarships honouring Ngarimu VC and the 28th (Māori) Battalion announcedFifteen ākonga Māori from across Aotearoa have been awarded the prestigious Ngarimu VC and 28th (Māori) Battalion Memorial Scholarships and Awards for 2023, Associate Education Minister and Ngarimu Board Chair, Kelvin Davis announced today. The recipients include doctoral, masters’ and undergraduate students. Three vocational training students and five wharekura students, ...5 days ago
- Appointment of Judge of the Court of Appeal and Judge of the High CourtHigh Court Judge Jillian Maree Mallon has been appointed a Judge of the Court of Appeal, and District Court Judge Andrew John Becroft QSO has been appointed a Judge of the High Court, Attorney‑General David Parker announced today. Justice Mallon graduated from Otago University in 1988 with an LLB (Hons), and with ...5 days ago
- NZ still well placed to meet global challengesThe economy has continued to show its resilience despite today’s GDP figures showing a modest decline in the December quarter, leaving the Government well positioned to help New Zealanders face cost of living pressures in a challenging global environment. “The economy had grown strongly in the two quarters before this ...5 days ago
- Western Ring Route CompleteAucklanders now have more ways to get around as Transport Minister Michael Wood opened the direct State Highway 1 (SH1) to State Highway 18 (SH18) underpass today, marking the completion of the 48-kilometre Western Ring Route (WRR). “The Government is upgrading New Zealand’s transport system to make it safer, more ...5 days ago
- Briefings to Incoming MinistersThis section contains briefings received by incoming ministers following changes to Cabinet in January. Some information may have been withheld in accordance with the Official Information Act 1982. Where information has been withheld that is indicated within the document. ...5 days ago
- Teaming up for a stronger, more resilient FijiAotearoa New Zealand Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta reaffirmed her commitment to working together with the new Government of Fiji on issues of shared importance, including on the prioritisation of climate change and sustainability, at a meeting today, in Nadi. Fiji and Aotearoa New Zealand’s close relationship is underpinned by the Duavata ...6 days ago
- Investment in blue highway a lifeline for regional economies and cyclone recoveryThe Government is delivering a coastal shipping lifeline for businesses, residents and the primary sector in the cyclone-stricken regions of Hawkes Bay and Tairāwhiti, Regional Development Minister Kiri Allan announced today. The Rangitata vessel has been chartered for an emergency coastal shipping route between Gisborne and Napier, with potential for ...6 days ago
- Next steps developing clean energy for NZThe Government will progress to the next stage of the NZ Battery Project, looking at the viability of pumped hydro as well as an alternative, multi-technology approach as part of the Government’s long term-plan to build a resilient, affordable, secure and decarbonised energy system in New Zealand, Energy and Resources ...6 days ago
- Statement from the Prime Minister on Stuart NashThis morning I was made aware of a media interview in which Minister Stuart Nash criticised a decision of the Court and said he had contacted the Police Commissioner to suggest the Police appeal the decision. The phone call took place in 2021 when he was not the Police Minister. ...7 days ago
- CPTPP Trade Ministers coming to AucklandThe Government’s sharp focus on trade continues with Aotearoa New Zealand set to host Trade Ministers and delegations from 10 Asia Pacific economies at a meeting of Comprehensive and Progressive Agreement for Trans-Pacific Partnership (CPTPP) Commission members in July, Minister for Trade and Export Growth Damien O’Connor announced today. “New Zealand ...7 days ago
- Govt approves $25 million extension for cyclone-affected businesses$25 million boost to support more businesses with clean-up in cyclone affected regions, taking total business support to more than $50 million Demand for grants has been strong, with estimates showing applications will exceed the initial $25 million business support package Grants of up to a maximum of $40,000 per ...7 days ago
- More than 160,000 new Kiwis to call NZ home80 per cent of 2021 Resident Visas applications have been processed – three months ahead of schedule Residence granted to 160,000 people 84,000 of 85,000 applications have been approved Over 160,000 people have become New Zealand residents now that 80 per cent of 2021 Resident Visa (2021RV) applications have been ...7 days ago
- Scholarships propel Kiwi students to NASAThe Government continues to invest in New Zealand’s burgeoning space industry, today announcing five scholarships for Kiwi Students to undertake internships at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in California. Economic Development Minister Stuart Nash congratulated Michaela Dobson (University of Auckland), Leah Albrow (University of Canterbury) and Jack Naish, Celine Jane ...7 days ago
- New Zealand to attend regional security meeting in AustraliaThe Lead Coordination Minister for the Government’s Response to the Royal Commission’s Report into the Terrorist Attack on the Christchurch Mosques travels to Melbourne, Australia today to represent New Zealand at the fourth Sub-Regional Meeting on Counter-Terrorism and Transnational Security. “The Government is committed to reducing the threat of terrorism ...7 days ago
- Health and safety action plan for portsThe health and safety practices at our nation’s ports will be improved as part of a new industry-wide action plan, Workplace Relations and Safety, and Transport Minister Michael Wood has announced. “Following the tragic death of two port workers in Auckland and Lyttelton last year, I asked the Port Health ...7 days ago
- Bikes and scooters to be exempt from FBTBikes, electric bikes and scooters will be added to the types of transport exempted from fringe benefit tax under changes proposed today. Revenue Minister David Parker said the change would allow bicycles, electric bicycles, scooters, electric scooters, and micro-mobility share services to be exempt from fringe benefit tax where they ...1 week ago
- Foreign Affairs Minister to reaffirm our close relationship with FijiForeign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta will hold bilateral meetings with Fiji this week. The visit will be her first to the country since the election of the new coalition Government led by Prime Minister and Minister of Foreign Affairs Sitiveni Rabuka. The visit will be an opportunity to meet kanohi ki ...1 week ago
- New legislation to streamline Cyclone recoveryThe Government is introducing the Severe Weather Emergency Legislation Bill to ensure the recovery and rebuild from Cyclone Gabrielle is streamlined and efficient with unnecessary red tape removed. The legislation is similar to legislation passed following the Christchurch and Kaikōura earthquakes that modifies existing legislation in order to remove constraints ...1 week ago
- Cost of living package: More bread and butter support for Kiwi familiesApproximately 1.4 million people will benefit from increases to rates and thresholds for social assistance to help with the cost of living Superannuation to increase by over $100 a pay for a couple Main benefits to increase by the rate of inflation, meaning a family on a benefit with children ...1 week ago
- Freeing up more government bandwidth and money to focus on the cost of living$1 billion in savings which will be reallocated to support New Zealanders with the cost of living A range of transport programmes deferred so Waka Kotahi can focus on post Cyclone road recovery Speed limit reduction programme significantly narrowed to focus on the most dangerous one per cent of state ...1 week ago
- State of National Emergency to end for Tairāwhiti and Hawke’s BayThe remaining state of national emergency over the Tairāwhiti and Hawke’s Bay regions will end on Tuesday 14 March, Minister for Emergency Management Kieran McAnulty announced today. Minister McAnulty gave notice of a national transition period over these regions, which will come into effect immediately following the end of the ...1 week ago
- Government delivers on Dawn Raids commitmentThe Government is today delivering on one of its commitments as part of the New Zealand Government’s Dawn Raids apology, welcoming a cohort of emerging Pacific leaders to Aotearoa New Zealand participating in the He Manawa Tītī Scholarship Programme. This cohort will participate in a bespoke leadership training programme that ...1 week ago
- New plan to increase productivity and high wage jobs across advanced manufacturing sectorIndustry Transformation Plan to transform advanced manufacturing through increased productivity and higher-skilled, higher-wage jobs into a globally-competitive low-emissions sector. Co-created and co-owned by business, unions and workers, government, Māori, Pacific peoples and wider stakeholders. A plan to accelerate the growth and transformation of New Zealand’s advanced manufacturing sector was launched ...1 week ago
- Aotearoa New Zealand supports Pacific countries to combat animal disease New Zealand will provide support for Pacific countries to prevent the spread of harmful animal diseases, Associate Minister of Agriculture Meka Whaitiri said. The Associate Minister is attending a meeting of Pacific Ministers during the Pacific Week of Agriculture and Forestry in Nadi, Fiji. “Highly contagious diseases such as African ...2 weeks ago
- Government delivers better public transport for ChristchurchThe Public Transport Futures project will deliver approximately: 100 more buses providing a greater number of seats to a greater number of locations at a higher frequency Over 470 more bus shelters to support a more enjoyable travel experience Almost 200 real time display units providing accurate information on bus ...2 weeks ago
- Central Otago subdivision buyers lose the plot
A wave of council rule rewrites drives section buyers to give up and look elsewhere ...2 hours ago - Beware of coconut oil salesmen
Coconut plantations are far from being ‘natural’ environments, coconut oil is high in saturated fats, and, despite the advertising, most of the global supply of coconut oil doesn’t come from the Pacific Islands either Opinion: Coconut oil has gained a halo as a natural health product, with claims it can ...2 hours ago - New Orleans’ lesson on fallible flood defences: Let's not ‘build back better’
Post-cyclone, where we rebuild and where we don't is the first challenge ...2 hours ago - Sympathy cards and the lessons of birds
An author on the death of a baby and "a calm respectful grace" The normal world was out there. The clocks and the jobs and the traffic and the mortgages and the death. Especially the death. Death in suburbia means funerals with piped fake Celtic music despite the fact ...2 hours ago - The long road to Paris' rebound
One of New Zealand’s brightest young netball talents, Paris Lokotui has returned to the court 10 months after a knee reconstruction. Now she hopes her tough journey back paves a better way for other Māori and Pasifika players. Paris Lokotui remembers the moment time stood still. The 21-year-old was playing ...2 hours ago - Cyclone Gabrielle: Why many in Muriwai can't move on
A month on from Cyclone Gabrielle, many residents in Muriwai are still living in limbo, unable to return to their homes "I can't look back because it's too sad. I can't look forward because it is too daunting." Kat Corbett's Muriwai home remains out-of-bounds more than a month after ...2 hours ago - TOP and the not terribly Teal Deal
TOP leader Raf Manji talks to Nikki Mandow about going teal, and the opportunity for a party that’s pro-business and pro-environment ...2 hours ago - Govt should explain why it rejected our advice – Climate Commission
The Climate Change Commission's chair says the Government's decisions to ignore its advice could weaken the country's most important climate policy. ...2 hours ago - Newsroom daily quiz, Wednesday 22 March
Loading...(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){var ql=document.querySelectorAll('A[quiz],DIV[quiz],A[data-quiz],DIV[data-quiz]'); if(ql){if(ql.length){for(var k=0;k<ql.length;k++){ql[k].id='quiz-embed-'+k;ql[k].href="javascript:var i=document.getElementById('quiz-embed-"+k+"');try{qz.startQuiz(i)}catch(e){i.start=1;i.style.cursor='wait';i.style.opacity='0.5'};void(0);"}}};i['QP']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){(i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o),m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m)})(window,document,'script','https://take.quiz-maker.com/3012/CDN/quiz-embed-v1.js','qp'); Got a good quiz question? Send Newsroom your questions. ...3 hours ago - Daily crossword, Wednesday 22 March
...3 hours ago - Some Pacific nations ‘won’t survive’ if NZ and world drop the climate ball
By Hamish Cardwell, RNZ News senior journalist There is “is much to win by trying” to take action on climate change — that is a key finding in a major new international climate report the UN chief is calling a “survival guide for humanity”. It is something of a mic ...9 hours ago - Hipkins and Luxon hit the road: A taste of campaign 2023
A pōwhiri, a pie, and a grilling from primary school kids: Today was the day the boy from the Hutt who grew up to be prime minister went home for a visit. ...11 hours ago - How can Australia pay $368 billion for new submarines? Some of the money will be created from thin a...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Peter Martin, Visiting Fellow, Crawford School of Public Policy, Australian National University Australia’s decision to buy three nuclear-powered submarines and build another eight is so expensive that, for the A$268 billion to $368 billion price tag, we could give a million dollars ...13 hours ago
- Australia’s 116 new coal, oil and gas projects equate to 215 new coal power stationsSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Richard Denniss, Adjunct Professor, Crawford School of Public Policy, Australian National University Australia has 116 new coal, oil and gas projects in the pipeline. If they all proceed as planned, an extra 1.4 billion tonnes of greenhouse gases would be released into ...14 hours ago
- Chris Hipkins and Justin Trudeau discuss 'shared priorities'Prime Minister Chris Hipkins spoke with his Canadian counterpart Justin Trudeau this afternoon. ...14 hours ago
- Public Sector Managers Growing At Twice The Rate Of Frontline Workers
Figures unearthed by the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union reveal that the growth in public sector managers is almost twice that of frontline social, health and education workers. Since 2017, the frontline workforce for social services, health and education ...14 hours ago - What Australia could learn from New Zealand about Indigenous representationSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Dominic O’Sullivan, Adjunct Professor, Faculty of Health and Environmental Sciences, Auckland University of Technology, and Professor of Political Science, Charles Sturt University A referendum will be held later this year to enshrine a First Nations’ Voice to Parliament into the Australian constitution. ...15 hours ago
- Taoist rituals via video call and Tarot readings over WeChat: China’s spiritual market is going di...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Haoyang Zhai, PhD Candidate, The University of Melbourne Alexander Schimmeck/Unsplash Since its inception in 1921, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) has officially promoted an atheist and materialist ideology. But belief systems in China are making a comeback – and ...15 hours ago
- Scott Robertson appointed the next All Black coach (after the current one)
Scott Robertson has been announced successor to Ian Foster as head coach of the All Blacks, completing a controversial and highly idiosyncratic appointment process. He will assume the role in 2024, following the world cup at the end of this year. The contract for the breakdancing current coach of the ...15 hours ago - Concerns Expressed For Anti-Trans Activist Plans For New Zealand VisitMulticultural New Zealand (MNZ) has expressed concern about events scheduled to take place in Auckland and Wellington on March 25th and 26th, respectively. The events will feature British anti-transgender activist, Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull. MNZ is ...15 hours ago
- Race Relations Day To Focus On Empowering Inspirational Leadership From YouthRace Relations Day is celebrated annually in New Zealand on March 21st to promote and celebrate diversity, inclusivity, and harmony among different cultural, ethnic, and religious groups. As part of Race Relations Day 2023, Multicultural New Zealand ...15 hours ago
- Mayor Wayne Brown’s Comments Concerning Says Library AssociationAuckland Mayor Wayne Brown’s suggestion to make council budget cuts by reducing staffing hours and replacing librarians and library assistants with volunteers is concerning says New Zealand’s library association. “Limiting access to the valued ...15 hours ago
- Google and Microsoft are bringing AI to Word, Excel, Gmail and more. It could boost productivity for...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Mohiuddin Ahmed, Senior Lecturer in Cyber Security, Edith Cowan University Shutterstock Google and Microsoft are on a mission to remove the drudgery from computing, by bringing next-generation AI tools as add-ons to existing services. On March 16, Microsoft announced an ...16 hours ago
- Wayne Brown’s interviews since being elected mayor, rankedThe Auckland mayor’s decision to keep the media at arm’s length makes every interview he does grant a rare and exciting event, like a new Avatar movie. Stewart Sowman-Lund ranks them all from least to most exciting. Wayne Brown has a well-reported lack of affection for the media. In his ...16 hours ago
- Papuan liberation group calls for more ‘serious’ global efforts to end violenceTabloid Jubi in Jayapura The United Liberation Movement for West Papua (ULMWP) has called on the international community to “pay serious attention” to the escalated violence happening in West Papua. Head of ULMWP’s legal and human rights bureau, Daniel Randongkir, said that since the West Papua National Liberation Army (TPNPB) ...17 hours ago
- IPCC report: world must cut emissions and urgently adapt to climate realitiesANALYSIS: By Bronwyn Hayward, University of Canterbury This decade is the critical moment for making deep, rapid cuts to emissions, and acting to protect people from dangerous climate impacts we can no longer avoid, according to the latest report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). The synthesis report ...17 hours ago
- Labour now leads National across five pollsAcross five of the latest polls for which results are published, Labour now has an edge over National. A new Talbot Mills poll, as reported by the Herald, has Labour up four points to 37%, with National down two points to 34%. The results, which draw on fieldwork across the first ...17 hours ago
- WWF Calls For The Government To Accelerate Action To Phase-out Fossil Fuels, Slash Emissions, And Re...Statement from Dr Kayla Kingdon-Bebb, WWF-New Zealand CEO Today's IPCC’s Sixth Assessment Synthesis Report (AR6) highlights that an accelerated phase-out of fossil fuels is the best way to avoid the planet overshooting 1.5°C and risking total climate ...17 hours ago
- A day in the life of a children’s librarianThe first in a two-part series revealing insights into the working life of a librarian. For privacy reasons, all names – including place names – have been changed. Te Whare Pukapuka o Poutama is a composite library. It’s 9.30AM on a mid-January Monday, high summer, school holidays. Kaitiaki Pukapuka ...17 hours ago
- Our mysterious night parrot has terrible vision – but we discovered it might be able to hear like...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Elen Shute, Researcher, Flinders University One bird bucks the stereotype of Australia’s raucous parrots – the mysterious and critically endangered night parrot (Pezoporus occidentalis). Rather than flying around in noisy flocks or eating fruit in trees, the night parrot roosts all day ...17 hours ago
- No, gamblers don’t ‘need’ cash. Our research isn’t an argument against cashless gaming refor...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Sally Gainsbury, Deputy Director, Gambling Treatment and Research Clinic, Senior Lecturer, School of Psychology, University of Sydney shutterstock The Perottett government’s promise to introduce mandatory “cashless gambling” in New South Wales by 2028 – something for which anti-gambling activists and public-health ...17 hours ago
- Funding For Roads At Lowest Levels In A DecadeLocal Government New Zealand (LGNZ) is warning that the state of our roads could be the next infrastructure crisis if the Government does not adequately fund maintenance costs. LGNZ commissioned a report by one of the country’s leading economists, Brad ...17 hours ago
- Police Minister Ginny Andersen vows to focus on community safetyGinny Andersen, who was named in the role yesterday, says she will be working every day to make sure New Zealanders feel safer. ...17 hours ago
- Consumer Pulse: Kiwis Tighten Spend As They Face Financial StressToday Canstar is proud to release its second Consumer Pulse report, which delves into the financial worries, hopes and dreams of more than 20,000 New Zealanders over the past two years. The report, released annually, tracks Kiwis’ finances and reveals ...18 hours ago
- Australia’s electric vehicle numbers doubled last year. What’s the impact of charging them on a ...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Thara Philip, E-Mobility Doctoral Researcher, The University of Queensland The number of electric vehicles (EVs) in Australia doubled in 2022 and Tesla’s Model 3 emerged as the best-selling mid-size car, the first time an EV has held this title. Despite these headlines, ...18 hours ago
- A Greyhound Will Face Full Tail Amputation Following A Race Meeting In ChristchurchSAFE is again urging the Government to ban greyhound racing sooner rather than later, following a raft of severe injures in Christchurch yesterday. Sugar rose suffered a severe tail injury yesterday at Addington raceway. Her tail was partially amputated ...18 hours ago
- PM Chris Hipkins speaks to media after visiting his old primary schoolPrime Minister Chris Hipkins is speaking to media following a visit to his old primary school. ...18 hours ago
- Industry Lobbying Influence A Major Brake On Government Action – GreenpeaceIn the wake of revelations that Chris Hipkins' chief of staff, Andrew Kirton, lobbied against the Container Return Scheme on behalf of the liquor industry shortly before the scheme was scrapped by the Prime Minister, Greenpeace is calling for the scheme ...18 hours ago
- Why peace negotiations haven’t gained any traction in the Ukraine war – and how the stalemate co...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Paul Komesaroff, Professor of Medicine, Monash University Libkos/AP/AAP A year after Russia’s invasion, Ukraine is in ruins. At least 8,000 civilians have died, with millions displaced. Generations of infrastructure have been destroyed. Large tracts of the environment and agricultural land ...19 hours ago
- Watch live: PM Chris Hipkins speaks to media after visiting his old primary schoolPrime Minister Chris Hipkins is speaking to media following a visit to his old primary school. ...19 hours ago
- The Opportunities Party Announces A $1.5b Investment In Our Future Generations With The Teal DealThe Opportunities Party have proposed a new Teal Deal between taxpayers and young Kiwis - which includes fully-funded healthcare and public transport, and a Kiwisaver kickstarter in exchange for national civic service. Raf Manji, Leader of The Opportunities ...19 hours ago
- Why is it so hard to combine biking with public transport in Auckland?There are plenty of practical ways the city could make multi-modal transport more accessible – but have they all been consigned to the too-hard basket? How can Auckland start mitigating its impact on the climate crisis? Our biggest city’s sustainable solution must start with transport, its number one source of ...19 hours ago
- Parliament Must Seize Chance To Unlock Natural Health Products’ Billion-dollar PotentialLong overdue legislation to unlock the economic and export potential of natural health products must not accidentally add more red tape that harms the growing sector and consumers, industry body Natural Health Products New Zealand told Members of ...19 hours ago
- Bryce Edwards’ Political Roundup: Shining a bright light on lobbyists in politicsAnalysis by Dr Bryce Edwards. Political Roundup: Shining a bright light on lobbyists in politics Political scientist, Dr Bryce Edwards. Four out of the five people who have held the top role of Prime Minister’s Chief of Staff since 2017 have been lobbyists. That’s a fact that should worry anyone who ...19 hours ago
- Chernobyl was history’s worst nuclear disaster. Now it’s teaching geologists about the history o...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Denis Fougerouse, Research Fellow, School of Earth and Planetary Sciences and The Institute for Geoscience Research (TIGeR), Curtin University Shutterstock Thirty-seven years ago, on April 26 1986, the reactor of the Chernobyl nuclear power plant suffered a catastrophic meltdown. In ...19 hours ago
- NZ Chiropractors Voice Opposition To Therapeutic Products BillThe New Zealand Chiropractors’ Association (NZCA) will today (21st March 2023) tell Parliament’s Health Select Committee that the profession opposes the proposed Therapeutic Products Bill in its entirety in its present form and in particular its ...19 hours ago
- The Bulletin: Multiple options for avoiding worst of climate breakdownThe final Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) report on the climate crisis came out this morning. The report contains no new science but is a summary of eight years of research by hundreds of scientists and the last three IPCC reports published in August 2021, February and April 2022 ...20 hours ago
- Police accept IPCA report into incident at Tauranga CourtBay of Plenty District Commander Superintendent Tim Anderson: Police accept the findings by the Independent Police Conduct Authority into an incident involving an officer who tasered a man in the cells at Tauranga District Court in February 2019. ...20 hours ago
- Womad review: Summer finally gets a festival worth shouting aboutFew festivals have escaped the summer of 2023 unscathed. Before the sun blessed Womad with a rare guest appearance, the Taranaki festival got a drenching too. According to my pink and blue wristband, we were partying like it was “2022”. That was the first sign that things haven’t been going ...20 hours ago
- https://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/PO2303/S00159/.htm...20 hours ago
- PVA To Appear At The Health Select Committee Today To Express ‘Grave Concern’ About Therapeutic ...Patient Voice Aotearoa’s Dr Malcolm Mulholland will today at 3.30 appear before the Health Select Committee to voice opposition to parts of the Therapeutic Products Bill on behalf of Kiwi patients. “The Bill threatens to obstruct access to unfunded ...21 hours ago
- Banking Union Calls For Levy On Bank ProfitsFIRST Union, the union for bank workers across New Zealand, is supporting calls for an immediate inquiry into bank profits and proposing a levy on excess profits to fund the establishment of a Ministry of Green Works . The March 2023 KPMG Financial ...21 hours ago
- Prime Minister Chris Hipkins responds to revelations chief of staff led lobbying firmPrime Minister Chris Hipkins says there is a need for "transparency and vigilance" around lobbyists and their relationships with politicians. ...21 hours ago
- IPCC report: the world must cut emissions and urgently adapt to the new climate realitiesSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Bronwyn Hayward, Professor of Politics, University of Canterbury Earth Negotiations Bulletin, CC BY-ND This decade is the critical moment for making deep, rapid cuts to emissions, and acting to protect people from dangerous climate impacts we can no longer avoid, ...22 hours ago
- Why isn’t cervical screening free for everyone?There is a growing campaign to remove the costs associated with cervical screening in Aotearoa. Alex Casey explains. What’s all this then? In July, Aotearoa is getting a big shiny new cervical screening programme after years and years and years of delays. The dreaded three-yearly smear test will be exchanged ...22 hours ago
- Satellites and space junk may make dark night skies brighter, hindering astronomy and hiding stars f...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Jessica Heim, PhD researcher, University of Southern Queensland ESA Since time immemorial, humans around the world have gazed up in wonder at the night sky. The starry night sky has not only inspired countless works of music, art and poetry, ...22 hours ago
- Labor is odds-on for a narrow victory in NSW election, but it is far from a sure betSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Andy Marks, Pro Vice-Chancellor, Strategy, Government and Alliances, Western Sydney University Bianca de Marchi/AAP A gambler would probably feel the odds favour a Labor win at the upcoming New South Wales election. But, as Scott Morrison proved in 2019, underdog ...22 hours ago
- How bad is vaping and should it be banned?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Nicole Lee, Professor at the National Drug Research Institute (Melbourne), Curtin University nery zarate/unsplash, CC BY-SA Vaping regularly makes headlines, with some campaigning to make e-cigarettes more available to help smokers quit, while others are keen to see vaping products ...22 hours ago
- NZ universities are not normal Crown institutions – they shouldn’t be ‘Tiriti-led’Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Dominic O’Sullivan, Adjunct Professor, Faculty of Health and Environmental Sciences, Auckland University of Technology, and Professor of Political Science, Charles Sturt University Shutterstock As part of its aspiration to be “Tiriti-led”, the University of Otago has embarked on a consultation ...22 hours ago
- Gen Z grew up in a world filled with ugly fashion – no wonder they love their CrocsSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Emily Brayshaw, Honorary Research Fellow, University of Technology Sydney 1MilliDollars/Unsplash In 2017, Julia Hobbs of British Vogue declared Crocs “have an unrivalled ability to repel onlookers and induce sneers”. But over the two decades since the notoriously ugly shoes were ...22 hours ago
- Is it time for more transparency on lobbyists?A new investigation on the role of lobbyists raises fresh questions about whether we need better disclosure of who they are and who they work for, writes Anna Rawhiti-Connell in this excerpt from The Bulletin, The Spinoff’s morning news round-up. To receive The Bulletin in full each weekday, sign up here. ...23 hours ago
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Well done Scot Yorke.
You are on fire.
Oops sorry Tracy
Or “Susan Nact” as noted at the end?
Susan Nact, pseudonym Tracy Whatshite!
alas, not Smith and Jones.
Unfortunately, while this is headed as satire, with Crosby-Textor advising Key this could easily become a strategy to divert the MSM from reality and thus allow National to campaign on good “chrustun values ” of loving one’s “brother”in an effort to garner the conservative vote.
I would have thought loving ones “brother” would have the connies running the other direction fast 🙂
Well Miss Whatshite. I being a bit naive thought the article sounded about right. It does sum up our perception including the number of times that Questions addressed to the PM gets shunted over to Mr English as he has a much more fluent form of digression.
Ummm.Dunno. It might be a true and fair item. Might be a new page in journalism? Yeah? Nah!
more like Stan and Ollie!
another fine mess they’ve gotten into as well!
But the proposition is actually quite true – they prop each other up. The semi-trad pok-faced Mr Rugged (Mr Muddle New Zull, with a “bruthaaaah” that pops up occasionally – hitting the political dance floor with a Mr Krismetic esprayshun)
Double Ekt
Smith and Jones
Ronnie C and Ronnie B
In the words of a former Labour pardy media whore: each “tends to agree” with the other.
Not only that – they’re down with the kuds
As I write (and as I watch tree news) … there’s a Key quote ta go with Mr Krismetuk:
Wool senz loik weasill worts tummy
(referring to whether or not Labour will buy bek essits)
😀 good translation Tim from Tawa.
see ‘Satire’ tag, sweet!
Yeah, saw the satire tag after I posted, guess you got me before I deleted it.
More like these two.
(From Wikipedia)
“Beavis has an underbite and a fixed countenance, which is almost always shown in 3/4 view. Like Butt-head, Beavis compulsively laughs and grunts. He also has a habit of picking his nose….despite his obliviousness to what should be obvious, he is prone to moments of insight.”
“Butt-head has squinty eyes and a drooping nose…Butt-Head is oblivious to subtlety of any sort and is usually completely confident in everything he says and does, no matter how ridiculous or frivolous it is..”
-but which is which?
:-D, that is clever Rodel, possibly the latter is the former of the Post title.
– but which is which?
Hard to tell aside from the fek thet one’s the boss and the skin is 2oIC
Not unlike what might be ahead
A collins and a bennet
If there is a God, show yourself NOW! (There’s a Finlayson that’s doing a pretty bad impersonation of you – and btw God – I know that even in your darkest hour, you neither aspired to be a Queen, or bitter).
Not sure how you felt about being old and geriatric but please – let us know
In a related move, Cunliffe and Parker have replaced all images of themselves with two dry Weetbix.
They said “This is going to help us establish the brand as two serious policy-focussed guys who are nothing like the Colin Mathura-Jaffrey lookalikes on the opposing benches.”
Mothers with babies in the streets were all convinced when interviwed by Campbell on TV3 that “Yes they taste just like Labour: that traditional dry humourless crunch that’s so good for digestion.”
The Two Weetbix have also established the new Slightly New Zealand Think Tank to come up with “Slightly better ideas for a Slightly Better New Zealand.” Colin Meads has been appointed Interim Chief Executive for a bit of solidity in the front row. Colin said it “Just felt so solid.”
The Two Weetbix, as they prefer to be known, were confident they would please everyone, principally through regular, solid and long bowel movements.
As a result Labour’s Climate Change policy has been significantly altered since when Weetbix Number 2 enters any room every available drop of moisture is sucked out, and when Weetbix Number 1 enters the room all available oxygen is sucked up. This is causing observed barymetric fluctuation across the southern Pacific and altering WPCC4 modelling and forecasts.
The Two Weetbix have also agreed that they will clearly differentiate their List Selection process from National – which consists of locking all contenders in a shipping container overnight throwing in a knife and opening the door in the morning to determine who remains – with a speed dating service in which they book out Bellamy’s and every Labour caucus member will date and kiss every other caucus member until they all agree who they want to go out with again and in what order.
A spokesperson for Mr Cunliffe said that “Our new One-Two Weetbix format is allowing proper goodness to to be fed to everyone on schedule, and stool production is long and solid as a result.”
When asked if The Two Weetbix would ever, like, show up to the next boxing match, the races, the Women’s Weekly Christmas drinks or indeed anything of interest beyond the Sunday morning listenership of National Radio, a spokesperson, replied, “The humour department is just down the hall.”
Having digested with a little raw sugar and hot water, That is the best satire I have read that I(or ak, or many others on TS) didn’t write Ad, my oats yes, appears that is a substantial break-fast; Been at the Nutri-Grains haven’t you.
btw, recent research hails the benefits of nuts for all-round health and vitality.
Sound like a couple of stool pigeons.
Strictly Confidential
RT
I’m slow this morning. How does strictly Confidential fit in? By the way have you read Val McDermid book Blue Genes? Has tricky theme on similar lines.
If you don’t squawk I won’t spill the beans. 😀
Well as they say, imitation is the highest form of flattery!
But seriously dude get your own comedic ideas next time! Just like the Key government, no ideas…………..
Ah …… that’s what an Opposition is for.
Step it up or step out 😉
LOL!
This should be a guest post!!!
Don’t you dare.
After the successful election we can roll out gentle borax-testing.
The leaders office will pick up the subtext from here have no fear.
A great debut by your cadet reporter. Runs and trots it is. Key’s mouth as always runs away with itself, and English canters up behind cleaning up the mess. As for any bromanch, National’s always closeted those away from the public gaze.
Thank you, but its my second article. You might want to read my first article “Bob Jones helps the police on the Standard Blog………………scroll down!
[lprent: Or link. ]
I did then, and again tonight – ouch. It’s not a topic I really want to laugh about. And I’m not talking about Bob Jones.
Yes I understand that, i.e. not wanting to laugh about it. Useful feedback for me.
But I did want to satirize Jones for his self important views.
Probably a wise choice as turning up with Brownlee was looking a little too Laurel and Hardy like.
I actually got most of the way through this before I realised it was satire. It’s about as ridiculous as the political news coverage really is these days, possibly less so in some cases.
Maybe Mr Enlish is John Key’s McKenzie friend.