Nats impose media ban on selves

Written By: - Date published: 9:15 am, February 18th, 2011 - 6 comments
Categories: john key, Satire - Tags: ,

At a surprise press conference this morning, Prime Minister John Key announced that the National Party was imposing a media ban on itself until the BMW limo affair, already labeled Beemer-gate by the terminally unimaginative, dies down.

“We got the idea from the Maori Party, actually. Every time they open their mouths over Hone Harawira, things get worse. Shut their mouths and the issue goes away for a while at least. Brilliant.”

“There’s so much we can learn from our Maori friends. I thought: why not do the same thing with the limos until those bloody journos stop asking difficult questions – no offense (tiny sucking sound)”

“I mean, did you see that idiot Wilkinson on TV1 talking about how cars need to be replaced when they get old? Referring to a 2008 BMW Series 7 like it was a 1984 Lada! How out of touch can you be? Not to mention Bill acting like a complete dick when the story broke.”

“Stevey J says the optics have been awful. At first I thought he was explaining something technical about why the Beemers need replacing but what he meant was it’s not a good look to have ministers being arrogant bastards about limos at the same time as we’ve made a complete hash of the economy and all those people have made poor budgeting decisions that made them lose their jobs or whatever (tiny sucking sound).” rambled the PM

“And then there was you getting caught out lying about when you knew about the new limos in front of an audience of about 600,000” added One News reporter Jessica Mutch.

“Yes. Thank you, Jessica. I hadn’t forgotten (tiny sucking sound)” Key replied tersely before adding “Now, I really must be going” and running from the Beehive theatrette, hands clamped over his ears.

Except for Tracy Watkins, who rushed back to her office to pen a article calling Key’s move “brave, courageous, and cute”, the media pack followed Key demanding more answers over the limo affair.

“La la la! Can’t hear you! La la la!” replied the Prime Minister.

6 comments on “Nats impose media ban on selves”

  1. ianmac 1

    Hilarious but true!

  2. kriswgtn 2

    Does the media ban include photo ops for mincer?? hell if it is,what will he do hahaha
    dickhead

    anti spam word= misunderstanding

    it has all been a misunderstanding

    yep sure

  3. ak 3

    A spokesman for BMW reported to the Herald: “Actually, we’re a little disappointed in the response. The Beamer Waver was specifically designed for Mr Key: shiny on the outside with a huge empty interior, zero emissions and it runs on pure effluent. He certainly smiled while kicking the tyres, but we understand this is common.”
    The Prime Minister was unavailble for comment.

  4. Colonial Viper 4

    Captain Panic Pants on Fire!!!

  5. tc 5

    Lets enjoy this while it lasts as eventually TVNZ/Granny herald etc will all duely climb back up the govt’s butt, put the blinkers on and hope for the best i.e. more junkets with john on his smile n wave PR opp’s.

    It’s refreshing to see Campbell having a go occasionally and why not as TV3 has nothing to lose and everything to gain whilst the tash he’s up against continues to give soapboxes to questionable characters like Hotchin.

    Note the placement and treatment of the IHC backpay story last night….First up on TV3 with the ever smarmy Ryall attempting to be pinned down…way back and done as mostly a quick voiceover on TVNZ…..whose a good boy then Mr Ellis…..now rollover….good boy.

  6. randal 6

    does that mean there will not be two piccys of john keys in the dompost every day and seven on sundays?

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