At a surprise press conference this morning, Prime Minister John Key announced that the National Party was imposing a media ban on itself until the BMW limo affair, already labeled Beemer-gate by the terminally unimaginative, dies down.
“We got the idea from the Maori Party, actually. Every time they open their mouths over Hone Harawira, things get worse. Shut their mouths and the issue goes away for a while at least. Brilliant.”
“There’s so much we can learn from our Maori friends. I thought: why not do the same thing with the limos until those bloody journos stop asking difficult questions – no offense (tiny sucking sound)”
“I mean, did you see that idiot Wilkinson on TV1 talking about how cars need to be replaced when they get old? Referring to a 2008 BMW Series 7 like it was a 1984 Lada! How out of touch can you be? Not to mention Bill acting like a complete dick when the story broke.”
“Stevey J says the optics have been awful. At first I thought he was explaining something technical about why the Beemers need replacing but what he meant was it’s not a good look to have ministers being arrogant bastards about limos at the same time as we’ve made a complete hash of the economy and all those people have made poor budgeting decisions that made them lose their jobs or whatever (tiny sucking sound).” rambled the PM
“And then there was you getting caught out lying about when you knew about the new limos in front of an audience of about 600,000” added One News reporter Jessica Mutch.
“Yes. Thank you, Jessica. I hadn’t forgotten (tiny sucking sound)” Key replied tersely before adding “Now, I really must be going” and running from the Beehive theatrette, hands clamped over his ears.
Except for Tracy Watkins, who rushed back to her office to pen a article calling Key’s move “brave, courageous, and cute”, the media pack followed Key demanding more answers over the limo affair.
“La la la! Can’t hear you! La la la!” replied the Prime Minister.