New ‘no darkies’ party to form

Written By: - Date published: 12:40 pm, October 10th, 2010 - 45 comments
Categories: national, racism, Satire - Tags: , , , ,

Paul ‘real New Zealander/dickshit’ Henry, Maurice ‘no shi’ite’ Williamson, John ‘I wish South Aucklanders hadn’t vote’ Banks, Melissa ‘South Aucklanders are all crims’ Lee, Paul ‘cheekie darkie’ Holmes, and Michael ‘brown slug/fat Indian’ Lhaws have joined forces to create a new political party for ‘real New Zealanders’.

The first meeting was held today at the Remuera Bowling Club. Henry was seen arriving in his traditional Roma horse-drawn cart.

The first order of business was choosing a name, Lhaws explained: ‘We thought of calling ourselves the ‘Rich, White Male’s Party’ but discovered that is actually the legal name of the National Party. So, we’ve gone with ‘No Darkies’ instead.’

Asked if it was a coincidence that the members of the party were all current National MPs, former National MPs, failed National Party candidates (Henry), or former National media trainers (Holmes), Williamson said ‘Really? That hadn’t occurred to me. Do you think that means something?’

Henry was keen for people not to misunderstand the point of the new party. ‘Look, this isn’t about racism, we don’t mean to be racist. This is just about real New Zealanders, even the half-gypo ones, who are clearly not good enough to lick the shoes of our Brown-skinned masters. And that’s not intended as a dog-whistle at all’ said Henry, with a wink. He confirmed that his TVNZ colleague Andi Brotherston has been brought on as the party’s chief spin doctor.

Asked why Lee had been allowed to join given that being female and not of European descent she didn’t fit the party’s definition of ‘real New Zealander’, Banks said ‘it says no darkies, we’re allowed to have one‘

Woken from his midday nap, John Key said he was “relaxed” about developments and looked forward to working with ‘New Act, ah, I mean, the No Darkies Party’.

45 comments on “New ‘no darkies’ party to form ”

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  1. Policy Parrot 1
    10 October 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Relax – go to it – when ya wanna go do it….

  2. WOOF 2
    10 October 2010 at 12:58 pm

    ‘You ain’t nothing but a hound dog…’

  3. swimmer 3
    10 October 2010 at 1:00 pm

    I remember when Mike King called Paul Holmes a cheeky whitie. 🙂

  5. smhead 5
    10 October 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Oh nice one. Finally another party for David “Make Fun of Chinese Accents” Cunliffe to join.

    • Marty G 5.1
      10 October 2010 at 1:27 pm

      hey, smhead. Maybe you can fill me in on this one. How come Pansy Wong says ‘Ministry of Woman Affair’ and then uses the plural ‘s’ perfectly competently with other words? I know that the plural ‘s’ can be tricky for many Asian speakers of English as a second language but Wong isn’t one of them. So why does she pretend when it comes to the name of her department?

      • smhead 5.1.1
        10 October 2010 at 1:33 pm

        Why don’t you write a post about it Marty and claim that Pansy Wong deliberately mispronounces words to make her sound Chinese. Go on because you know that’s what you’re really saying.

        I can’t believe your bigotry. I have seen a lot of racist bigotry before Marty but it is one thing to decry bigotry everywhere you see it (as the Standard authors do and I agree with every move to target bigotry) but you really take the cake for hypocrisy.

        Shame on you and I hope the left wing commenters pull you up on it.

        Non native speakers of other languages frequently are inconsistent in their pronunciation. Go and learn Chinese, perfect it until you can pronounce everything consistently and then come back and harass others for the way they speak.

        What an idiot.

        • Marty G 5.1.1.1
          10 October 2010 at 2:11 pm

          see my comment below.

          To be racist, a comment has to allege an ethnic trait and allege it is bad. I’m not alleging that it’s ‘bad’ to have trouble with the plural ‘s’. I’m saying Wong doesn’t.

          • Colonial Viper 5.1.1.1.1
            11 October 2010 at 9:08 am

            I’m still amazed that so many NZ’ers don’t seem to recognise actual ‘racism’ when it appears, say compared to just talking funny shit. What are they waiting for? The Grand Nagus to appear with his band of hooded torch and shotgun carrying denizens?

            Worrying.

        • bbfloyd 5.1.1.2
          10 October 2010 at 7:51 pm

          Smhead(job)… are we ever going to read anything from you that doesn’t involve you frothing at the mouth when you write it? i think they have picked up your political leanings in outer mongolia by now. there really is no need to convince anyone here of your intellectual pedigree. you are obviously smarter than the average pitbull.. phase two should have started by now… that’s the one where you become informative.. you do plan to say something soon,.. don’t you?

          it’s been fun to laugh at the idiocy so far, but there has to be more than comic relief or your ratings will go down.

          • Colonial Viper 5.1.1.2.1
            11 October 2010 at 9:06 am

            it’s been fun to laugh at the idiocy so far, but there has to be more than comic relief or your ratings will go down.

            Well, this plan *was* working well for Paul Henry.

  6. hateatea 6
    10 October 2010 at 1:23 pm

    The sad thing is, were such an organisation to really exist, some of those named, if not all, would be pounding on the door for admission.

    • smhead 6.1
      10 October 2010 at 1:28 pm

      The most prominent name not on the list is Winston Peters. I wonder why. Maybe Zetetic doesn’t want a reminder that the Labour Party formed a government with him last time and Phil Goff has never criticised him since, which by Zetetic’s standards makes the Labour Party a bunch of “no darkies enablers”.

      • Marty G 6.1.1
        10 October 2010 at 1:30 pm

        presume Peters wouldn’t be allowed in.

        • hateatea 6.1.1.1
          10 October 2010 at 1:34 pm

          Nah, he’s a mallowpuff. They might make him an ‘honorary white’ ala apartheid South Africa!

        • smhead 6.1.1.2
          10 October 2010 at 1:35 pm

          Probably because none of the others would dare be associated with his bigotry, unlike the Labour Party who cuddled up to him and defended him.

          • the sprout 6.1.1.2.1
            10 October 2010 at 2:09 pm

            Odd then that Key and Co seem so relaxed about being associated with Paul Henry’s bigotry.

            • Murray 6.1.1.2.1.1
              10 October 2010 at 6:33 pm

              reading some of these posts it looks as if many of Paul Henrys supporters may be from the left

              • felix …
                11 October 2010 at 8:58 am

                Care to point to one in particular so you can have the opportunity to back up that statement?

                Or would you prefer it just sit there, confused and irrelevant, with nothing to say and no-one to say it to?

          • Daveosaurus 6.1.1.2.2
            10 October 2010 at 2:10 pm

            Meanwhile, back in the real world, Maurice Williamson was part of a government that was perfectly happy to bend over backwards to accommodate Peters into a coalition; and Micael Laws even went to the extent of joining the Peters Party.

            • felix 6.1.1.2.2.1
              11 October 2010 at 9:00 am

              psssst! We don’t talk about that. Peters sprang from the ground fully formed in 2005, k?

  7. Frederick 7
    10 October 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Oh lets have a go at Pansy now – hope it makes you feel better.Why would she deliberately get it wrong – just to annoy readers of the standard.

    As she was born in Shanghai and lived there for 19 years I would speculate that english is her second language. If you are counting she also says “MP” instead of “MP’s” when referring to more than one MP.

    I know many Asian persons including my girl friend who is from Singapore and has spoken english all her life. She and most Asian speakers I know frequently get their plurals wrong, sometimes adding an S when not necessary and dropping the S when one is required …my girlfriend also says “”MP when it should be “MP’s”.

    So somehow I don’t think its deliberate. Thats just the way it is.

    • Marty G 7.1
      10 October 2010 at 2:09 pm

      yeah, like I say, Fredrick. It’s perfectly normal for many Asian speakers of English to not use the plural ‘s’ because it’s not a feature of many Asian languages. Most English speakers have trouble with gender in the definite article for the same reason. It doesn’t make you a bad person to have trouble with the odd parts of a different language.

      However, Wong does not find it difficult. Listen to her speak and she uses the plural ‘s’ correctly nearly all the time, apart from in the name of her department. That suggests to me she’s doing it intentionally.

      I’ve heard her drop out of what she calls ‘Pansy-speak’ from time to time.

      I mean, she can speak how she likes. But it seems to me she’s actually making a mockery of people who genuinely have difficulty with the plural ‘s’.

      • smhead 7.1.1
        10 October 2010 at 2:22 pm

        Stop trying to justify your racist bullshit with bullshit justification Marty. You slurred Pansy because she’s a Nat and used her English as a second language to do it. That is shameful and is exactly what this post is about, exposing bigots. You sir have been exposed.

        • Murray 7.1.1.1
          10 October 2010 at 5:36 pm

          Stop trying to justify your racist bullshit with bullshit justification Marty. You slurred Pansy because she’s a Nat and used her English as a second language to do it. That is shameful and is exactly what this post is about, exposing bigots. You sir have been exposed.

          I agree I think these type of posts illustrate the illogical paranoia and fear the left have towards
          John Key and the Nact govt

          • bbfloyd 7.1.1.1.1
            10 October 2010 at 8:00 pm

            wow…you got all those words perfect! are you guys in a band or something? or is it that you can’t do more than make echo’s?

            meanwhile, back on planet earth, we.ve noticed that marty’s post has more than one paragraph. did he make a mistake making it so long that your collective attention spans were stretched too far? or are you guys getting so desperate that any little excuse brings on an attack of the rabies syndrome?

            i feel soiled just reading that stuff.

        • felix 7.1.1.2
          11 October 2010 at 9:05 am

          smhead (and Murray).

          Marty actually explained his comments very clearly at the time he first wrote them. The explanation only had to be expanded on later because you were both too thick to understand it.

          And it appears that is still the case.

      • J Mex 7.1.2
        10 October 2010 at 4:52 pm

        But it seems to me she’s actually making a mockery of people who genuinely have difficulty with the plural ‘s’.

        Are you serious? Pansy Wong is taking the piss out of the Chinese by mocking their mispronunciation? Current subscribers to that theory – 1 (let’s see if anyone else will join you on it)

        As far as I am aware there has been only one MP that has tried to mock the Chinese accent in the house. That would be one David Cunliffe.

  8. Nick C 8
    10 October 2010 at 2:53 pm

    If this post proves one thing, its that the left arent funny.

  9. Descendant Of Smith 9
    10 October 2010 at 7:37 pm

    Marty G’s comment is in my view quite silly and unwarranted.

    Sometimes however it must be said homophobia is in the eye of the right wing recipient:

    Tighty

    .

    • bbfloyd 9.1
      10 October 2010 at 8:39 pm

      DOS…you must be joking. the fact that it took you all night to respond tells me someone did a little research to squirm out of a tight little box they had crawled into.

      by the way, hypocrisy is ugly. especially when it is combined with arrogance.

      • Descendant Of Smith 9.1.1
        10 October 2010 at 11:22 pm

        Your response is as silly as Tighty’s.

        I work during the day and responded while cooking tea for the family after I got home..

        “hypocrisy is ugly. especially when it is combined with arrogance.”

        Totally agree with your statement and you are certainly arrogant to not only disbelieve what I have said but to then suggest that what I said was made up, researched or a falsehood.

        If I was so wrong about something I’d simply say so and apologise.

        Not only can Mr Righty not do that you are now here to defend him.

        What I found interesting about his response is how quickly he resorted to obscenity and vitriol – there’s obviously not a very big distance for some of you between disagreement and hatred.

  10. Mac1 10
    10 October 2010 at 9:16 pm

    Inventory2, your reference to Tinkerbell is a Wikipedia article which states nothing about Tinkerbell as a homphobic taunt, but does say this, “Though sometimes ill-tempered and vindictive (getting the Lost Boys to shoot arrows at Wendy), at other times she is helpful and kind to Peter. The extremes in her personality are explained in-story by the fact that a fairy’s size prevents her from holding more than one feeling at a time, so when she is angry she has no counterbalancing compassion.”

    Could Trevor Mallard’s chipping of an interrrupting Finlayson as a Tinkerbell not be a reference to Finlayson’s ‘ill-temper’ or ‘lack of compassion when angry’? Mallard himself denied the homophobic nature of the taunt on Kiwi Blog, BTW.

  11. Auckland_Southie 11
    10 October 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Wait… is this story real, or bullshit?

  12. dad4justice 12
    11 October 2010 at 8:58 am

    Does this party accept white trash or out of luck honkies?

    • Pascal's bookie 12.1
      11 October 2010 at 9:01 am

      Cash, mastercard, diners, and american express. They are bit suspect about VISAs so don’t even ask.

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