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NZ’s biggest welfare beneficiary revealed in shock horror Herald exclusive expose’

Written By: - Date published: 11:45 am, September 2nd, 2010 - 22 comments
Categories: class war, Satire, welfare - Tags: ,

To find out who it is, click here.

Will this individual’s personal file be read out in Parliament by Paula Bennett?

Will this beneficiary’s sex life be investigated by WINZ as grounds for disqualification?

Will this beneficiary be required to go to through an endless round of “Work Ready Assessments”?

Will this beneficiary’s neighbours be asked by WINZ to spy on them?

Will the contents of their shopping trolley be scrutinised by check out operators to make sure they are not buying any “treats” for their children?

Will this benefit be canceled without notice if this beneficiary misses or is late for one of their job ‘re-training’ appointments?

Will this beneficiary be called on to provide all their banking account details to WINZ?

Will this beneficiary be required to provide proof of no other income?

Will they be required to wait the statutory stand down period before receiving their benefit?

Will this beneficiary have to wait two hours in a queue at WINZ with all the other deserving cases for government support, only to be told that their paper work had been lost and could they come back tomorrow?

Will this idler have to prove that they are actively engaged in seeking work?

If they can’t prove this, will their benefit be withheld?

(The usual criteria when seeking financial support from the government, to prove hardship, you have to show you have no other means of support, or savings or investments. In this case individual’s case this criteria seems to have been waived, so I won’t even ask, whether this beneficiary will be required to show proof of any other income or means of support.)

News Flash:

In an unrelated story from yesterday’s news, a rich businessman loses $70 million in a bad investment.

But luckily for him the Minister was so personally touched by his sad story that the government have decided to make up his loss, plus generously give him another $30 million on top for hurt feelings.

On behalf of all taxpayers, I would like to take this opportunity to pen a public thank you letter to express our collective gratitude, for letting us make up this unfortunate man’s loss:

Dear Mr Kerr,
We can only hope that this small gesture from us all, will make up for all your suffering.

Yours in Gratitude,
The Taxpayer

PS. I am sure a Knight Hood or other Crown Honour will be winging your way shortly.

Is New Zealand not the most humane and generous Welfare State in the world, where citizens like your George Kerr are protected from the inhuman vicissitudes of deregulated market forces?”

Shame on all those petty naysayers who criticise our Social Welfare system for being unnecessarily intrusive, judgmental and condemnatory, with benefits grudgingly given and miserly.

22 comments on “NZ’s biggest welfare beneficiary revealed in shock horror Herald exclusive expose’ ”

  1. Rex Widerstrom 1

    Even for the troughers used to doling (pun intended) our money out, $100 million to one beneficiary must surely awaken them from their full-bellied slumber?

    Or will they blithely accept assurances it’s necessary to “make things go smoothly” as the story says.

    Hey look, for $100 million I’ll go smoothly anywhere you want, Paula, knowhadimean?

  2. We all live and act in the political environment in which we are presented with. Labour proposed, and then enacted an extended the deposit guarantee scheme in 2008 to additionally protect finance companies that had typically operated above board from both a domestic crisis of confidence which had sunk a few bad eggs in the predeceding years, as well as to maintain the liquidity of financial markets swept in the maelstrom of the GFC (i.e. willingness of financial institutions to continue to lend to each other).

    There are always unfortunate cases, because too often the Parliament takes the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff rather than the fence approach, and while I sympathise with those who lost money in Bridgecorp, Hanover etc, I would hardly expect that those people who lost their money because of the dodgy actions of finance company directors would begrudge others the opportunity to be protected simply out of spite.

    Having said that, there remains a certain problem with the whole situation surrounding SCF. How were they allowed to sell bonds at such a low price whilst remaining within the deposit guarantee scheme, and why is interest also being paid to depositors rather than simply their original capital?

    Also, with finance companies there needs to be further reform so that conflict of interest associations become less common – several of the finance company collapse relate to the private pet projects of their directors rather than those that would otherwise be considered sensible lendings – finance companies are supposed to be the intermediaries, linking creditors with debtors, not debtors in their own right.

  3. MikeG 3

    How about looking beyond the headlines – Kerr was a first-ranking debt holder, so would have been one of the first to be repaid from the realisation of the assets of SCF, irrespective of the Govt bailout.

    What is more interesting is the links between SCF, Torchlight, The Securities Commission and the Botherway brothers – now there’s something dodgy to get worked up about.

    • bbfloyd 3.1

      and don’t forget the bond holders… over 40% profit out of the bailout

      • wtl 3.1.1

        Yes, I don’t get this, something stinks. Were the bonds guaranteed? If they were, why on earth were they trading so low? If they weren’t, why are they being paid out?

    • Jenny 3.2

      Kerr was a gambler who blew his own money.

      What a loser.

      While many tens of thousands of hard working and honest New Zealanders are doing it hard, due the malfeasance of the likes of Kerr who even with his losses from the failure of SCF, is still a multimillionaire, wallowing in the lap of luxury.

      Only an idiot would try and justify gifting Kerr another $100 million on top of his already vast fortune, from out of our pockets.

      Mike, why aren’t you down at the casino giving your banking details and credit card numbers to all the other sad losers.

      Is it because these gamblers aren’t rich enough for you to make it worth your while to publicly kiss their arse.

  4. bbfloyd 4

    i’m a little bit incredulous to be honest. i read the article, and the only thing that comes to mind is that this can only be classed as a swindle of the first magnitude.. but it’s our own government perpetrating it!! is there nothing these people will not stoop to in order to enrich themselves?

    should i start storing tinned food now in preparation for the big bang??

  5. BLiP 5

    Te Ururoa Flavell makes an interesting comparison.

  6. outofbed 6

    Meanwhile a tumble weed blows though Labour party HQ

    • just saying 6.1

      Be fair – focus groups don’t organise themselves, and they take a lot of time.

    • bbfloyd 6.2

      oottabed.. did you get the idea for that comment after looking in your mirror this morning? or have you got a pathalogical need to constantly bray partisan politics in the absence of any real ideas?

      • bbfloyd 6.2.1

        and.. of course we can’t forget the fact that the news media are still choosing not to report any comments made by the opposition unless they can either abridge it down to a meaningless soundbite, or cut and splice to make the comments look irrelevant. they were doing it when labour was in govt.. nothings changed…

        maybe a good idea would be to go and have a look on either their blog site, or the main web site. lots of info…

  7. OleOlebiscuitBarrell 7

    Nice story. If only it were true. Kerr had a first ranking security, so his money was safe anyway as, on everyone’s numbers, SCFL was good for that much. The government just repaid it now (rather than, you know, later) so that it wouldn’t have to deal with him.

    • Bob Stanforth 7.1

      Oh, enough of the facts already! Dont spoil a good story with facts!

      Funny really, pitch a story, see if it has legs, it doesnt, abandoned. Cue tumbleweed…

    • Jenny 7.2

      ….his money was safe anyway as, on everyone’s numbers, SCFL was good for that much.

      Have you got a citation for that, OOBB?

      Who is “everyone”?

      And what are their “numbers”?

      • MikeG 7.2.1

        It’s the point I was trying to make above – as one of the first to get his hands on any money from SCF he would have got his money back (eventually). I am sure that SCF will get at least $100 million from selling it’s loan book etc.

    • The Voice of Reason 7.3

      Why pay him early? Hell, why pay him anything? That’s my money you’re talking about and the longer I hang on to it, the better. Tell ya what, lets put it to the vote. Lets have a referendum on whether this bludger gets a penny of public money. I vote NO. You?

      • Akldnut 7.3.1

        Too late now TVoR, lets have a referendum on whether or not the gummit should pass a law to force the bludger to pay it back with interest

        • Jenny 7.3.1.1

          Rather than a referendum, Maybe we should organise a telethon for George Kerr.

          I couldn’t think of better political theatre.

          Where’s McPhail and Gadsby when you need them.

          Why haven’t we got any cutting (and funny) main stream satirists today?

          • OleOlebiscuitBarrell 7.3.1.1.1

            Why pay him early?

            So the government has total control about how the assets are disposed of. A good thing, I would have thought. This part of it, at least, is perfectly sensible. He has got the secured money he put in back. The government has taken over his position and has profited to that degree. He has not got a free ride here.

  8. Herodotus 8

    So we had the collective brains of 2 finance ministers, our brightest civil servants, stealing/coping from Aussie we had crap legislation again. Did it not click into anyones minds that finance coy are as complicated vechiles that lawyers can create. Was this not pushed to protect the small investor, max guarantee $250k?
    It would be of interest to see and of those who brought bonds within the last few weeks, and if there was any inside info. But after many cases there is no teeth if anyone ever gets convicted
    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/news/article.cfm?c_id=3&objectid=139940
    Or was this legislation passed with the hope of not being tested then finding out it holds water like a sieve.
    This is not a left/right issue it is NZ being crapped upon, and displaying how poor our pollys are at writting up decient law for the benefit of the country.
    But hang on finance coys have a tiered heirachy as to claims on ownership of assets or clawback of payouts. So to protect the small investor we must extract these big players. But this is our money that is going towards these speculators!!!!
    “Asked on TV3 if it had cynically exploited the Government guarantee, he replied(Sandy Maier): “It might have been cynical, it might have been merely incompetent … it probably violated a lot of prudent lending criteria.” And we protect these fine upstanding people. I wonder what the coys “Statement of Corporate Intent” and other board guidelines on operating activity stipulated for the coys activities
    JAFA’s were dispised by the rest of the country, perhaps those from Timaru ……….

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