Open Mike 22/12/2017

Written By: - Date published: 6:00 am, December 22nd, 2017 - 101 comments
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101 comments on “Open Mike 22/12/2017 ”

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  1. Sanctuary 1
    22 December 2017 at 6:31 am

    Who else are at work for the last time in 2017???

    I got my Hawaiian shirt on and I am clock watching to lunchtime when it is beersies and breakup time, Back in three weeks. 🙂 🙂

    A big merry Xmas and Happy New Year call out to all the Standardnistas! 🙂 xxx

    • patricia bremner 1.1
      22 December 2017 at 8:13 am

      Have a good one.

    • Cinny 1.2
      22 December 2017 at 9:08 am

      Seasons Greetings Sanctuary and to all the amazing Standardnistas 🙂

      May everyone have a wonderful Summer Solstice, enjoy the holidays, love this time of year 🙂

      • greywarshark 1.2.1
        22 December 2017 at 9:30 am

        Bounce back that Christmas greeting to you Cinny and also Marty Mars – sort of locals to me and good to read your news and your thoughts. Hope you have a good time – a good break – and there will be plenty to think and write about in 2018 so I hope we will all be there then.

        Also to all Standardistas who think through their comments kia kaha and from the Maori Dictionary ‘Meri Kirihimete me te Hape Nū Ia’ (with links in TS style) –

        Meri Kirihimete – Māori Dictionary
        http://maoridictionary.co.nz/search?idiom=&phrase=&proverb=&loan=&histLoanWords=&keywords=Meri+Kirihimete

        Meri Kirihimete Play. 1. (loan) (noun) Merry Christmas. “Meri Kirihimete me te Hape Nū Ia” (e kī ana te Pākehā) ki ngā iwi me ngā hapū katoa (HKW 12/1898:6). / “Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year” (as the Pākehā say) to all the tribes and hapū.

        and
        Kia kaha – Wikipedia
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kia_kaha
        Kia kaha is a Māori phrase used by the people of New Zealand meaning stay strong, used as an affirmation. The phrase has significant meaning for Māori: popularised through its usage by the 28th Māori Battalion during World War II, it is found in titles of books and songs, as well as a motto. Linguistically, kia kaha consists …

  2. Ad 2
    22 December 2017 at 6:52 am

    The U.N. is taking down names, and the first one is United States of America.

    In your eye Nicky Haley.

    • Grey Area 2.1
      22 December 2017 at 7:09 am

      The hubris, arrogance, bullying, blindness and more of the Trump’s USA is staggering.

      CNN report

      128 for (including NZ) 9 against (including Palau, Micronesia, Nauru, and Marshall Islands who may have heard the aid threat) and 35 abstained (including Canada and Australia).

      It really shows how weak your moral argument is when you have to threaten people to get them to vote with you.

      • OnceWasTim 2.1.1
        22 December 2017 at 12:53 pm

        And the unsurprising thing is that they try to charcterise themselves as the victim being bullied. Actually, there was a guy on Morning Report this morning representing the ‘Jewish view’ (or should I say the Zionist view) doing the exact same thing. That nasty, nasty United Nations has apparently been bullying them for years – probably because (like Trump) the world just doesn’t appreciate how exceptional they are.
        So exceptional are they, that they have/had a Divine Right to supply weaponry to the Sth Efrican apartheid regime, and to use white phosporus, and to disobey agreements they’d signed up to.

        Do you reckon that if Trump and his enterage of loving fans decides to hit the button and causes the inevitable – it may be the demise of the UN – somewhat akin to the demise of the League of Nations in days gone by?
        You have to wonder just who is holding him back from doing so at the mo’. I know there are reports of one General expressing concern and considering his options, but that Washington crew have some really big issues concerning how big they perceive the size of their balls to be.
        It’ll also be interesting to see how offended the Orange Man sees NuZull’s treachery after voting Trump’s wrong way. Foive Oise and all.
        How very dare us to have done so! What an offense to that Leader of the Free Whurl and champion of democracy!
        (/sarc)

        • Philberto 2.1.1.1
          22 December 2017 at 2:26 pm

          Hello All
          I caught that this morning had me spitting coffee at the radio again, and the repeating of it throughout the news Bulletins.
          Why was it repeated it was propaganda not news, and where was the right of reply?

          I been on my best behavior since the elections trying not to swear at the radio and now my streak is broken. :/

  4. Morrissey 4
    22 December 2017 at 9:01 am

    National Party emergency caucus meeting, Sept. 10, 2005
    Part 1 of 2

    DRAMATIS PERSONAE

    DOCTOR DON BRASH. Aging, decrepit, discredited liar who also happens to be leader of the National Party.
    MICHELLE BOAG. Complete bitch. Formidably well organised, well read and merciless political backroom operator. Former chairperson of the National Party, given the boot after guiding it to record defeat in 2002.
    MURRAY McCULLY. Fomer lover of Michelle Boag. National Party campaign “strategist”, therefore currently the most discredited and disrespected person in the southern hemisphere.
    JUDITH (“ROSA”) COLLINS. A brutal, intimidating woman with the looks and personality of the James Bond villain, Rosa Klebs. Collins has replaced the lovely K****rine R*ch as the National Party’s “social welfare” spokeswoman. To many observers, this position sits oddly against her former role as a corporate lawyer for the casino industry.
    K*****INE R*CH. The polar opposite to Collins. Blonde, curvy and gorgeous. Ignominiously tossed off National front bench because she was too “wet” .
    SIMON POWER. Former National defence spokesman. Removed from position due to gross incompetence.
    GEORGINA TE HEU HEU. Tall, aristocratic, a genuine example of Māori royalty. Ignominiously tossed off national front bench because she is Māori.
    GERRY BROWNLEE. Enormously fat former woodwork teacher who somehow has ended up as deputy leader of the National Party. A walking, talking disaster, funny for about two minutes, painful and tiresome thereafter.
    DR. LOCKWOOD SMITH. Notorious for his oft-stated willingness to act as an unquestioning lackey of the United States government. Former host of Australian children’s TV show Here’s Humphrey; Smith played the role of Humphrey. Later went on to front children’s quiz show W-3 in NZ, where he haughtily insisted the intermediate school contestants call him “Sir”.
    BILL ENGLISH, Dr. NICK SMITH, TONY RYALL. Sworn enemies of the current National Party leadership. A slyly subversive, potentially destabilizing trio of troublemakers.
    M________ BR**N. Political pollster.

    NOTE: The names of a couple of people who participate in a sexual act in the course of this documentary have been surgically amended, for privacy’s sake.

    ——————————————-

    SCENE: Saturday 10 September 2005, 9:25 a.m. The top suite at the James Cook Hotel, Wellington. The National Party’s former Welfare spokesperson MISS K*TH*R*N* R*CH sleeps, curled in the arms of her toyboy M_______ BR**N, the political pollster. While his “wet” Tory companion sleeps, BR**N watches the television show Agenda, while elegantly—some might say pretentiously and smugly—sipping from a tall glass of Pimms.

    Suddenly, MISS R*CH awakes with a jolt. BR**N only just manages to avoid a spillage of Pimms.

    MISS R*CH: [panting fearfully] Oh my GOD! Oh, M_________! I’m so worried….

    To be continued…..

    • OnceWasTim 4.1
      22 December 2017 at 1:11 pm

      And will this dramatic anecdote include any other of McMuff’s peca..peca…..pickles include that bastion of the 4th Estate – the one that used to get out the Elna and run herself up a business suit using the covering from the old chaise longue (you know the one that was sooooooooo passe Darling) ? Jeeze Morrissey – I hope, I hope!

      And what are you going to do in the second series?

      • Morrissey 4.1.1
        22 December 2017 at 1:39 pm

        Thanks Tim, some fine suggestions there! When I composed this, Maggie Barry was not yet in parliament.

        I wrote this in 2005, for the old Google Groups nz.politics site. It’s still going, but Google has done its best to ruin it.

  5. Cinny 5
    22 December 2017 at 9:12 am

    THANK YOU CHRIS HIPKINS, THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH 🙂 THANK YOU TRACY MARTIN 🙂 You’ve saved and changed lives, you’ve kept your word and so many many people are so very grateful.

    I’m so freaking happy, best news ever 🙂 It’s official Salisbury School stays open.

    https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/education/100082589/salisbury-saved-hipkins-announces-end-of-closure-process-for-richmondbased-school

    • OnceWasTim 5.1
      22 December 2017 at 1:21 pm

      Now watch for the gNat counter. It’ll go something like “this from the man who can’t count”
      I agree! good call Messrs Hipkins nd Martin. They did keep their word.
      Actually, now I think about it, Morrissey’s 2nd season (above) could revolve around Ms Parata and her loving husband. But I’d suggest he takes some advice from the gorgeous Juuuudy Caaaalingham (BE’s utterly gorgeous wife darling), having made such a contribution to NuZull drama with Shorty Street.
      You’ll probably find them ‘coffeeing’ somewhere on the Ponce Road doncha know!

  6. Ed 6
    22 December 2017 at 9:16 am

    Are you pondering the best New Year’s resolution that can help animals, the planet and your health?

    There are heaps of reasons to eat kind this January. Not only is it the best way to help animals, it can also improve your personal health and protect our environment.

    Well, round up your friends, family and colleagues and sign up for the Veganuary Challenge! There’s never been a better time!

    Veganuary is a worldwide campaign that challenges people to try vegan in January…..Why not check it out for yourself?

    http://www.veganuary.co.nz

    By signing up, you’ll receive regular emails offering tips, menu plans, recipes, inspiration and more.https://thedailyblog.co.nz/2017/12/22/guest-blog-amanda-sorrenson-veganuary-the-best-nys-resolution-you-can-make/

    • Stunned mullet 6.1
      22 December 2017 at 9:21 am

      Looks interesting I’ll have a closer look later today after finishing the lunchtime BBQ.

    • Psycho Milt 6.2
      22 December 2017 at 9:30 am

      There are heaps of reasons to eat kind this January.

      Doesn’t sound very kind to plants. Maybe you could alternate? Kind to animals one month, kind to plants the next.

      • Ed 6.2.1
        22 December 2017 at 10:04 am

        Looking forward to seeing evidence that plants suffer as animals do.
        Scientific studies only please.

        • Enough is Enough 6.2.1.1
          22 December 2017 at 10:26 am

          When those evil sharks stop murdering fish – I will stop eating bacon

        • One Anonymous Bloke 6.2.1.2
          22 December 2017 at 10:37 am

          Mycorrhizal networks: Mechanisms, ecology and modeling,
          Simard et al 2012.

          On the specific subject of “pain”, see Common mycorrhizal networks and their effect on the bargaining power of the fungal partner in the arbuscular mycorrhizal symbiosis Bücking et al 2016:

          These warning signals between plants within one CMN are transmitted rapidly, and non-infested plants up-regulated genes of the jasmonate defense pathway shortly after plants within their CMN were attacked by herbivores.

        • Johnr 6.2.1.3
          22 December 2017 at 1:00 pm

          Many years ago my wife was explaining to friends we hadn’t seen for some time why she had become a vegetarian. She finished her explanation with the quip “and yes I’ve heard all the screaming cabbage jokes”
          Clever woman.

        • Psycho Milt 6.2.1.4
          22 December 2017 at 1:16 pm

          Looking forward to seeing evidence that plants suffer as animals do.
          Scientific studies only please.

          Why? Are you saying a living thing has to be sufficiently like you to trigger your emotions for you to care about it? (Rhetorical question – of course that’s what you’re saying.)

          Every living thing on this planet is food for other living things, including apex predators like humans (although at our level we’re mostly food for microorganisms unless we get really unlucky). Feel free to be choosy about which living things you eat, but don’t try and make some moral bullshit story out of it.

          Plants don’t want to be killed and eaten any more than animals do, as demonstrated by the defence mechanisms they evolve, like thorns or toxins. The fact that they don’t make eye contact and express emotions recognisable to humans doesn’t alter that fact. The only difference it makes is that without those things you don’t feel any qualms about dismembering and eating them. You’re still dismembering and eating things that didn’t want you to, regardless of what kind of living thing it is.

          • Ed 6.2.1.4.1
            22 December 2017 at 1:20 pm

            I see why your nom de plume is psycho.

            • Psycho Milt 6.2.1.4.1.1
              22 December 2017 at 1:48 pm

              For people who peddle religious moralism, logic is always confronting. Vegans are no different in that respect.

              • Ed …
                22 December 2017 at 2:06 pm

                Were people who advocated against slavery ‘peddling religious moralism?’
                Were people who advocated against child sacrifice ‘peddling religious moralism?’
                Were people who advocated against whaling ‘peddling religious moralism?’
                Were people who advocated against the Holocaust ‘peddling religious moralism?’

                If so, I am happy to wear the badge you give me.

                However, logic tells me that adopting a plant based diet is better for the planet than eating animals, logic tells me that adopting a plant based diet is better for my health than eating animals and logic tells me that adopting a plant based diet is better for the welfare of animals than eating animals.

                • Stunned mullet …
                  22 December 2017 at 2:41 pm

                  your badge is on the post……

                • Psycho Milt …
                  22 December 2017 at 3:54 pm

                  I really don’t think you’d want to wear the badge that’s appropriate for people making the case that Jews are like livestock.

                  • Ed …
                    22 December 2017 at 4:34 pm

                    Be careful pushing that line.
                    Highly inflammatory.

                    For some reason you have gone super aggressive simply because I have made a case for a plant based diet.
                    It would appear many agree with me and others are open to discussing the idea.
                    Yet ever since I brought the subject up, you have exuded hostility. Why?

                    • SPC …
                      22 December 2017 at 4:59 pm

                      You face the smacked child syndrome. People who were smacked by their parents sometimes react by supporting the continued rights of parents to smack their children – albeit no longer tolerant of the beating of children.

                      Those fed meat by their parents and who continue to eat meat and feed it to their children … are just doing what humans have done since our existence, eat meat – albeit supporting the existence of animal cruelty laws and humane slaughter regimes.

                      That individual and planetary health advantages can be derived from a more vegetarian diet is a sustainable argument. It is harder to suggest that only life in the sea should eat fish, or that prey for meat predators should only exist where there are game parks (for the hunting cats).

                    • Ed …
                      22 December 2017 at 5:05 pm

                      Maybe people will change once climate change becomes more serious.
                      If it’s a choice between some sort of life for their children and grandchildren – or a burger, then that might do it.

                      Or we shall wait till it’s too late.
                      And laws will be passed.

                    • One Anonymous Bloke …
                      22 December 2017 at 5:10 pm

                      I’d say it’s because you’ve made the case using judgemental and highly charged language.

                      It certainly set my teeth on edge.

                    • Psycho Milt …
                      22 December 2017 at 5:16 pm

                      Highly inflammatory.

                      And also highly accurate.

                      For some reason you have gone super aggressive simply because I have made a case for a plant based diet.

                      I can’t help the fact you interpret all disagreement as a personal assault. Also, you’ve never made a case for a plant-based diet, just asserted it and scattered links to propaganda videos or whatever.

                      Yet ever since I brought the subject up, you have exuded hostility. Why?

                      Every time you bring the subject up, you assert a claim of moral superiority over people who don’t follow your particular fad diet. I reject that claim and don’t like to let it pass in case people imagine that silence implies consent. You then interpret that disagreement as aggression or hostility, apparently unable to grasp the concept that people don’t have to share your views.

                    • Ed …
                      22 December 2017 at 5:19 pm

                      If it were not clear, I am making the case for a plant based diet.
                      I thought I had been clear.
                      Look at the start of this thread at 6.
                      I was sharing an idea of PETA’s. Is that not ok?

                      But you don’t want to hear, so just scroll past my comments.

                      Look at the language you use.
                      You are highly aggressive.

                  • Psycho Milt …
                    22 December 2017 at 5:38 pm

                    I was sharing an idea of PETA’s. Is that not ok?

                    Sure it’s OK. But it’s also OK for people to point out when others are peddling moralistic propaganda on a thread. I already told you why I don’t just scroll past that. If you could share your fad diet suggestions without asserting moral superiority over people who don’t follow that diet, there’d be fewer dissenting responses.

          • left_forward 6.2.1.4.2
            22 December 2017 at 4:08 pm

            The improbable idea that plants have sentience has no relevance whatsoever to the proven and blatantly obvious sentience of animals.

            We do not need to slaughter by the billions animals that feel pain, emotions, and have as much right to their lives as we have to ours. We can gain all of our sustenance from plants in a way that is environmentally sustainable and at the same time gain optimal health and well-being. Therefore there is no argument that can morally, socially or ethically support the consumption of animals.

            • One Anonymous Bloke 6.2.1.4.2.1
              22 December 2017 at 4:21 pm

              improbable

              Read the links at 6.2.1.2: it’s possible. Does that network possess a memory?

            • Stunned mullet 6.2.1.4.2.2
              22 December 2017 at 4:58 pm

            • McFlock 6.2.1.4.2.3
              22 December 2017 at 10:42 pm

              Actually, I suspect plant sentience is highly likely. Just completely alien.

              If all the magic books are wrong, and our own self-awareness is merely the result of100Billion simple response thresholds working together, then why do those threshold things need to be neurons? Sure, bioelectric neurons might be faster than, say, cells releasing a distress signal, but why rule out every other interactional system?

              I genuinely view it as a serious proposition, until we can determine the origin of our “spark” of sentience all bets are on the table. Could our planet or our galaxy be sentient? The gravitational interactions of 100billion stars and associated satellites are more complex than 100Billion neurons.

              • ropata …
                22 December 2017 at 11:18 pm

                But seriously, I do agree that plant intelligence is an interesting possibility and intelligence could be more pervasive than we realise. Are you a fan of Stephen Baxter? (he writes about this stuff)

                Even human intelligence is not exclusive to the brain, it’s linked to the whole body.

                intelligence is fundamentally linked to specific sensorimotor modalities, a specific environment, a specific upbringing, and a specific problem to solve

                This reality makes AI that much harder to achieve.

                • McFlock …
                  22 December 2017 at 11:51 pm

                  Haven’t really read up on it since uni, but it’s always an interesting thought. On the flipside, it’s the conundrum of self awareness that keeps me from being completely athiest.

          • francesca 6.2.1.4.3
            23 December 2017 at 8:23 am

            Rubbish Fruit most definitely wants to be eaten, its its seed dispersal device
            Acorns and nuts are are perfectly willing (if we carry on with your anthropomorphosis)to be squirreled away, knowing that some stashes will be forgotten about and new plants will arise.

      • Robert Guyton 6.2.2
        22 December 2017 at 2:15 pm

        “eat kind”

        Wow! Just Wow – an encouragement to cannibalize, on TS!!!

    • James 6.3
      22 December 2017 at 12:59 pm

      But you’re eating my foods food.

    • James 6.4
      22 December 2017 at 1:18 pm

      Sadly I’m off to the Jack Daniels BBQ competition in January so I will have to give it a miss.

      Febs not looking good either with Meatstock happening in Auckland – a great weekend out if you are interested in learning the views of others.

      http://meatstock.co.nz

      But hurry – apparently it sold out last year.

    • mickysavage 7.1
      22 December 2017 at 9:39 am

      Merry Christmas r0b!

    • Enough is Enough 7.2
      22 December 2017 at 10:06 am

      Come back r0b. We miss you

    • r0b 7.3
      22 December 2017 at 10:09 am

      Merry Christmas MS, and Merry Christmas to all!

      I’m still lurking here. But I’m in a hellish work crunch right now, with several months to go, so I’m trying to keep my politics addiction under control while I deal with it.

      Great to see the new authors here getting in to it!

      Ho ho ho…

    • Ad 7.4
      22 December 2017 at 10:49 am

      Yes.
      Ardern is competent, and I am glad we have her leading the country.

    • Incognito 7.5
      22 December 2017 at 2:42 pm

      That is indeed a good read.

      The second challenge is least elaborated on but I see it as an issue of very similar nature as the first and third challenges, i.e. one that is deeply rooted in how we treat each other.

      Arguably, jobs of the future will have more focus on what’s colloquially called “people skills” and less on “production” as such. Therefore, such skills should become more highly valued and thus paid much better than they currently are. In fact, I’d argue that generally people skills are utterly undervalued at present here in New Zealand and consequently they are generally not very good. Taken together, good people skills are better for the people & society and better for the economy as well – over 60% of New Zealand’s GDP is accounted for by Service Industries.

      He aha te mea nui o te ao. He tāngata, he tāngata, he tāngata. [One of the best proverbs ever and right up there with the meaning & spirit of Ubuntu IMHO]

  8. eco maori 8
    22 December 2017 at 10:21 am

    I see our Maori culture is getting to popular for some people and they are trying to damage our Maori culture a radio station called flav own by NZ me has found research on the most common prisoners names and translated them to Maori and post these name’s on social media. t
    This is disrespecting my te puna for some of those names belong to some of OUR great te puna a apologies is required please.
    The neo liberals who seed these actions against OUR Maori culture are scared about us Maori getting our Mana back because they know when we do we will never let them piss on OUR beautiful country and all the people of New Zealand. I’m a proud New Zealand Maori and so should all Maori on mother earth. Ka kite ano

    • ropata 8.1
      22 December 2017 at 2:17 pm

      On face value, it would be worth complaining to the BSA, but it seems quite weird for the Polynesian oriented Flava station to be this tasteless

  9. Morrissey 9
    22 December 2017 at 10:30 am

    National Party emergency caucus meeting, Sept. 10, 2005
    Part 2 of 2

    SCENE: The pollster M_________ BR**N is in the top suite of the James Cook Hotel, Wellington, with the National Party’s recently deposed Welfare spokesperson MISS K*TH*R*N* R*CH. It’s 9:25 a.m. and MISS R*CH has awoken with a jolt…..

    MISS R*CH: [panting fearfully] Oh my GOD! Oh, M_________! I’m so worried….

    BR**N: [busses her then laughs reassuringly] Don’t worry, my dear. Your husband’s in Dunedin. And even if he did turn up here at the James Cook Hotel, I’ve got my batman Scr**ge keeping a look out. He’s armed and he’s ornery.

    MISS R*CH: No, no — not that. I’ve just had this horrifying dream. I was on this — this jumbo jet… and it was utterly OUT OF CONTROL and heading inexorably for DISASTER, and everybody on it realized that too — but it was too late, though, because it was TOO LATE to change the captain, and the co-captain was a FAT FOOL who nobody believed in, and everybody on board realized the captain was too old and had no idea and he was a blithering, hopeless liar and… and people up and down the country were just LAUGHING at us, and everyone was so grim and unhappy, especially that awful butch cow Judith Collins….

    BR**N: [gathers MISS R*CH in closely] Sssssshhhh, don’t worry, my dear. Let moi interpr—

    MISS R*CH: No need to interpret it, M__________. I know perfectly well what it means: the National Party is doomed. Doomed like New Orleans. [She gives BR**N her well-rehearsed “helpless yet sultry” look] That means I’m doomed, too. Do you like doomed, wet women, M_________?

    BR**N: [with well-rehearsed tone of deep sincerity] I ADORE doomed, wet women. [Growls roughly] Especially from the National party. Come ‘ere….

    [We draw a discreet veil over proceedings for eight steamy minutes.]

    MISS R*CH: [shrieking] Oh God, it’s nine thirty-eight! The emergency shadow caucus meeting starts at ten sharp! That uber-bitch Michelle Boag is coming to give us all a rark up! [bestows a long, lascivious kiss on BR**N] Gotta fly! I’m late.

    —————————————–

    10:05 a.m. The Brethren’s Churchill Road Gospel Hall in Crofton Downs. The National Party caucus is in session. The former chairwoman of the party, MICHELLE BOAG, is reading the riot act. Demoralised politicians with sour, defeated expressions listen in gloomy silence. At first glance, everyone appears shell-shocked. However, closer inspection shows that several members are rather more sanguine. Deposed leader BILL ENGLISH actually seems to be enjoying it somewhat. To the anger of many, and the amusement of some, he is ostentatiously reading Nicky Hager’s explosive book The Hollow Men. BOAG bores on relentlessly…

    BOAG: …. and in all fairness the less we hear of Don Brash over the next seven days the better.

    BILL ENGLISH: You chose ‘im!
    BOAG: [grimly ignoring the disaffected former leader] And we will be hearing no more at all from our former “strategist” — if that’s the right word for what he’s been up to over the last fortnight. [she glares at MURRAY McCULLY like a basilisk] From now on, I and seven friends, who will remain anonymous, will be directing this campaign. For the last week of the campaign we need to stop shooting ourselves in the foot and remind people of our CORE PRINCIPLES. I sometimes wonder whether anybody remembers what the National Party STANDS for any more.

    DR LOCKWOOD SMITH: [excitedly waving hand in the air] Ooh! I know, I
    know!

    BOAG: [nervously] Ye-e-e-e-e-e-e-esss, Lockwood?

    DR LOCKWOOD SMITH: Never pay in cash, Never tell the truth, and Never play by the rules!

    BOAG: [closes eyes in despair, buries face in hands] Give me str-r-r-r-r-r-r-rength!

    DON BRASH: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! That’s not right, Lockwood! Eeeeeeehhhhhh….

    JOHN KEY: [cool, smiling, unfazed] Actually, that IS the National Party philosophy.

    SIMON POWER: And it’s a darned fine philosophy too.

    DON BRASH: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no……

    TONY RYALL: [in disgust] The right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing.

    BILL ENGLISH: [shaking his head] These right wing ideologues are tearing this party apart! IT’S A FAILURE OF LEADERSHIP!!

    JOHN KEY: [cool, smiling, unfazed] We stand for… ooooohhhhh… taking the tax off petrol.

    RYALL: Eh? You said the opposite two weeks ago!

    ROGER SOWRY: It’s ANOTHER flip-flop!

    BROWNLEE: [with boyish excitement] Right, that’s enough thinking! Let’s go GET Helen Clark with our new flip-flop policy!

    BOAG: [tartly, between clenched teeth] Shut up and sit down, you fatuous, footling fathead.

    BROWNLEE: [aggressively] You can’t call me fatuous! That’s size-ist!

    DON BRASH: Eeeeeeeehhhh, Gerry, when Michele calls you “fatuous”, it does not mean you are fat, it means you are foolish.

    BROWNLEE: [cheerfully] Oh! Well, that’s all right, then!

    DISAFFECTED CAUCUS MEMBER: Shut up and sit down, Brash! Michelle’s in
    charge, not you!

    DOCTOR DON BRASH: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Eeeeeeeehhhhhh…..

    BOAG: [doggedly ignoring the mounting turmoil] Now we also need an attack strategy to get at Margaret Wilson, and —

    SIMON POWER: We could base our strategy on the fact she’s got a wooden leg!

    BOAG: Yes! For once, a bright idea! Now let’s brainstor—-

    [BOAG is interrupted mid-sentence by the late arrival of the deposed shadow welfare spokesperson.]

    MISS R*CH: Sorry I’m late.

    BOAG: [acerbically] Sit down quickly at the back of the room, next to Tony Ryall and Nick Smith, and that Maori woman.

    DAVID CARTER: Siberia!

    CAUCUS: Ha ha ha ha ha!

    BOAG: Stop that! This is a party in crisis! The time for levity is after we win the election!

    RYALL: Ha! THAT’ll be the day! [imitating Fraser from Dad’s Army] We’re DOOMED! We’re all DOOOOO-O-O-O-OOOMED!

    CAUCUS: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! ….I’d rather have Captain Mainwaring in charge than Don Brash! …. We’re TOAST, let’s face it, fellas! … Don’t PANIC!!!! … Ha ha ha ha ha!

    DOCTOR DON BRASH: Oh no no no no no no no no no. That’s not funny.

    CAUCUS: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    BOAG: Stop this nonsense NOW! We need to FOCUS!

    DOCTOR DON BRASH: Eeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh….

    [The room descends into uproar. After the laughter has roiled around the room for an extended period, the hubbub eventually dies down. K*TH*R*N* R*CH moves toward the back of the now silent room. Unfortunately, this necessitates moving past her successor, the bulldog-like JUDITH COLLINS…]

    COLLINS: [sotto voce, acidly] Being “grilled” by a “pole-ster”, were we?

    MISS R*CH: [sotto voce, sweetly] You weren’t. I was.

    [COLLINS glowers, her face turning a deep, angry shade of purple as MISS R*CH moves on to take her seat in “Siberia” next to GEORGINA TE HEU HEU, MURRAY McCULLY, TONY RYALL and NICK SMITH.]

    McCULLY: K*th*rin*, I’m free tonight and for the rest of the week, if you need any help with your “poling”….

    http://morrisseybreen.blogspot.co.nz/2017/12/national-party-emergency-caucus-meeting.html

    • OnceWasTim 9.1
      22 December 2017 at 1:42 pm

      Of fuck @ Morrissey. I didn’t realise part two would cum so soon!
      And gawsh!!! That Crofton Downs setting is oh so familiar darling. I remember a few of its casualties quite well.
      I’m not so sure that wonderful North and South investigative journalist, the previous foreskin of consumer rights, you know – the one that regularly appears on those Sunday morning NZoA-funded raisin affairs ‘shows’ as a talking head giving us his words-for-the-wise, the one that can’t handle a tab of the Jolly Green Giant without resorting to mummy’s bosom….s.s.S.S.Si something or other.

      Morrissey darling!! Be careful darling, There are powerful forces at play (legends in their own minds even). And always remember – what plays in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas

      • Morrissey 9.1.1
        22 December 2017 at 2:16 pm

        Thanks for the heads up, Tim.

        Those forces you mention have been stirred up by the release of these caucus notes. Forty-four angry down votes so far for Part 1, and 28 for Part 2. And a whole lot of very testy comments…

        https://www.kiwiblog.co.nz/2017/12/general_debate_22_december_2017.html/comment-page-1#comment-2104326

        • OnceWasTim 9.1.1.1
          22 December 2017 at 2:49 pm

          OMG Morrissey – you forced me to stoop! I’ve never done that before (accessed that horrid horrid web site thingy), and my back is bloody killing me!
          I do have a few ideas for a 3rd, 4th and 5th series though.
          I’m just not sure which should come 3rd, 4th and 5th.
          I mean, I was thinking of people like that poor poor HdPA and partner- the raspy voiced thing who, in days gone by, used to really concern all those Wellington Eastern Suburbs bloody do-gooders. You know, the ones that were worried about things like violence towards women and wife beating, and male ownership of their woifies (silly silly people!)

          But then I thought about playing and staying in Vegas stuff and early morning jogs down lower Tory Street – you know, where that gay thingy/secret bathhouse thing is – by that blubber boy gNat 2IC.

          I’m not sure a NZ version of Coronation Street could be sustained or even whether public NZ would actually engage.
          Besides, I’m old enough to have signed the Official Secrets Act, and basically, if there isn’t a few of them held to account before too long, an easier option is to simply fuck off to places where they actually care about corrupt politicians and wimpy public servants, and where they care about things like preserving the purity of the water table.
          Comes a time where pushing shit uphill is not actually worth it

    • Robert Guyton 9.2
      22 December 2017 at 2:22 pm

      Nice. Funny. “[she glares at MURRAY McCULLY like a basilisk]” – (She glares, like a basilisk, at MURRAY McCULLY) – no?

  10. UncookedSelachimorpha 10
    22 December 2017 at 11:43 am

    Minimum wage to increase to $16.50 on 1st April 2018

    I’d rate that a strong “Pathetic” from Labour. Better than NAct, but still pathetic.

    The living wage (i.e. enough to have basic living needs met) is $20.20. We are a wealthy country – why not “Let’s Fix This”?? And now?

    • The Chairman 10.1
      22 December 2017 at 4:06 pm

      Another piss poor effort from Labour.

      Labour, the party the left can count on to let them down.

  11. One Anonymous Bloke 11
    22 December 2017 at 12:16 pm

    Which one, the one where Britain voted for the resolution but you were in such a hurry to display your masculinity you missed it?

    [TheStandard: A moderator moved this comment to Open Mike as being off topic or irrelevant in the post it was made in. Be more careful in future.]

    • weka 11.1
      22 December 2017 at 12:25 pm

      Trying to think of a good reason why when I’ve just spent some of my time moderating to de-escalate flaming, and you post another comment poking at someone, I shouldn’t also moderate you. Especially seeing it was only a few days ago you were moderated for a particularly inflammatory comment.

      • One Anonymous Bloke 11.1.1
        22 December 2017 at 12:28 pm

        Ok Ok sorry.

        • Robert Guyton 11.1.1.1
          22 December 2017 at 2:24 pm

          Jeeze, OAB, get a garden! 🙂

          • adam 11.1.1.1.1
            23 December 2017 at 3:38 am

            Could not agree more, does wonders for piece of mind.

            Just sowed another crop of lettuce, basil (eating heaps at the moment, it’s growing well) and my late season crop of Tarragon – which I hope will last me through the winter after I dry it.

            • weka 11.1.1.1.1.1
              23 December 2017 at 11:10 am

              I agree to.

              I’ve never grown tarragon. What do you use it for?

              I’ve been putting in another round of lettuces too. Plus some basil outside, which is kind of a risk down south. Just been harvesting a great crop of black currants.

              • adam …
                23 December 2017 at 11:59 am

                Tarragon, goes well with eggs and egg dishes. Chicken for those who eat that, I used it dried when cooking it with chicken.

                Do you have a glass house or window cill you can use for basil? It likes warm, I’ve been able to grow it over winter here in Auckland.

                Yummy black currants cheesecake, with double cream topping – a old fav of mine 🙂

                • weka …
                  23 December 2017 at 12:46 pm

                  I’ll have to see if I can find some tarragon to transplant.

                  Basil grows here ok in pots outside but on the porch. It should be ok in the garden so long as we don’t get a cold snap, and even then it might be ok, I’ve planted it in a more sheltered spot. Growing things on a window sill is riskier due to neglect 😉 I do have a nice sunny window sill though, so maybe I’ll put some there too and cover all bases.

                  I love black currants, cheesecake sounds fantastic.

                  • adam …
                    23 December 2017 at 12:50 pm

                    Thing in Auckland, you get in the habit of watering pots everyday. Or your precious plants die. Sometimes twice a day with some.

                    I’ll see if I can find the recipe – think it was in the Edmonds cook book.

  13. Ed 13
    22 December 2017 at 4:14 pm

    Jim Mora’s panel.
    Listen if you want to know the concerns of the elderly upper middle class.
    It would be interesting to compare the socio-economic backgrounds of the panellists with the overall population.

  14. The Chairman 14
    22 December 2017 at 5:02 pm

    PM makes donation appeal for Auckland needy

    https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/99882671/pm-makes-donation-appeal-for-auckland-needy

    It’s a shame she and her colleagues couldn’t put together a little Xmas bonus for beneficiaries.

  15. The Chairman 15
    22 December 2017 at 6:00 pm

    Time being wasted in an era of heightened seismic risk.

    https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/nz-earthquake/100080788/dozens-of-wellington-buildings-still-havent-done-urgent-earthquake-strengthening

    If only the Government of the day (National) and or the city council offered loaning money to make buildings safe in the first place, things would be moving along more quickly.
     

  16. eco maori 16
    22 December 2017 at 6:59 pm

    I would not give david seenothing the time of day but this is a important issue. I would like to see him live on the minamim wage for a year these people born with a silver spoon should not comment on the minamim wage its hipocyce. Look at our Australian cousins we would have to add $10 a hour to catch up to them they have strong unions and everyone has disposable income. That is why they will be able to launch a Lady’s Rugby league competition in Australia because they have fans that can afford to support the teams. It would be to hard a task for Steve Chew to launch a Lady’s Rugby professional competition because there is not enough people with disposable income to support the teams.
    david seenothing thinks he and his other neo liberal m8 should keep all the money and stuff the rest of us we he can go and get _________ he is just a puppet for national Ana to kai

    • ropata 16.1
      22 December 2017 at 11:29 pm

      I’d be surprised if there is enough audience interest in a professional women’s league. It’s more of a male boofhead thing.

    • Blue rinse 16.2
      22 December 2017 at 11:29 pm

      I suggest population is a bigger factor here Eco making women’s rugby league viable also tied to nrl clubs and only 6 teams , games will be curtain raises and a very short season hey but don’t let facts get in the way of a good socialist story

  17. eco maori 17
    22 December 2017 at 8:22 pm

    Some people think that they can play me with out me working out there objective but no the big pictures is the muppets are playing them you like being fools and being played well good on you puppet fools I’m not going anywhere I can read yous like a book also I no you’ve been in this play for years ECO is going to win Ana to kai