ACT Party Press Release 1/4/2010: ACT has now identified the number one threat to personal freedom, to unbounded economic growth and to vast wealth for all who deserve it. It is “science”. “Science” creates nothing but trouble.
“Science” causes climate change. The essence of the matter is that New Zealanders are being asked to cut their incomes on the grounds that “science” has proven beyond reasonable doubt that future human-induced climate change is likely to be dangerous. The solution is obvious — get rid of the “science”. No “science” no problem.
“Science” causes petrol shortages. If it wasn’t for “scientists” and their communist graphs “proving” that you can’t suck infinite amounts of oil out of a finite planet then there would be cheap petrol forever. “Science” causes pollution. If “scientists” would just put away their test tubes and logarithms and go out and get real jobs then pollution would remain mostly colourless and odourless and therefore obviously harmless. And “science” causes disease. Before “scientists” invented “germs” as a way of perpetually sucking taxpayer funding from the Socialist state no one got sick, men were real men, property rights ruled supreme, and everyone was truly truly free (unless they were locked up in prison because we’re very keen on law and order).
We’re not sure how they manage it, but we’re pretty sure that “science” is also responsible for Paris Hilton, earthquakes, Mondays, the global financial crisis, rap music, gang patches, baldness and impotence. “Science” confuses people so much that only 1% of them vote for ACT. Get rid of the “science” and New Zealand will have an ACT government from now until the end of the Earth…