Teapot tapes released!
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12:00 pm, December 9th, 2014 - 7 comments
Categories: humour, john banks, john key, parody, Satire, you couldn't make this shit up -
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As the matter seems to be heading for trial now is a good time for the audio from the teapot tapes to be released. Enjoy …
7 comments on “Teapot tapes released! ”
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- CPI figures show rents continuing to soar
Stats NZ has confirmed that higher rent prices were the biggest contributor to the annual inflation rate. Almost a fifth of the 2.2 per cent annual increase in the CPI was due to rent prices. ...3 weeks ago
- New Charter to guarantee better access for hunting and fishing
Minister for Hunting and Fishing Todd McClay has today launched an Access Charter (the Charter) to ensure better access for recreational hunting and fishing on public conservation land (PCL) across New Zealand. “This Charter establishes guiding principles for the Department of Conservation (DOC) to provide clear and transparent decisions on ...22 hours ago - Pou Whenua blessing honours Tongariro
A beautiful new Pou Whenua at the beginning of the Tongariro Alpine Crossing will introduce visitors to the sacred landscape they are entering, says Conservation Minister Tama Potaka. Mr Potaka attended a blessing for the specially carved Pou Whenua at Mangatepopo, at the start of the track on 1 November. ...2 days ago
- New members appointed to the NZTA Board
Transport Minister Simeon Brown has today announced two new appointments to the New Zealand Transport Agency (NZTA) Board. Mary-Anne Macleod and Mike Rudge have both been appointed as members for three-year terms commencing 1 November 2024 and ending 31 October 2027. “Transport is a critical part of our Government’s plan ...2 days ago
- Welcome relief from new oestradiol gel funding
Associate Health Minister David Seymour is welcoming Pharmac’s funding of oestradiol gel, following global shortages of oestradiol patches earlier this year. “I’m well aware of the stress caused by the global shortage earlier this year. At the time I said I was confident Pharmac was working hard to find a ...2 days ago
- Deputy Prime Minister visit to Australia
Foreign Minister and Racing Minister Winston Peters will visit Australia next week. “Australia is New Zealand’s closest partner, and we are pleased to make this second official visit there for 2024 following the first ever Foreign and Defence Ministers 2+2 Meeting between our two countries in Melbourne in January,” ...2 days ago
- Applications now open for new training pathway
Applications have now opened for tertiary education organisations to seek Government funding to develop New Zealand’s first postgraduate diploma programme for associate psychologists, Minister for Mental Health Matt Doocey announced today. “Investment in this new training pathway supports the Government’s target to grow our mental health and addiction workforce and ...2 days ago
- Increased medicines access continues following budget boost
Associate Health Minister with responsibility for Pharmac David Seymour is pleased to see further increased availability of medicines for Kiwis following the Government’s increased investment in Pharmac. “Pharmac operates independently, but it must work within the budget constraints set by the Government,” says Mr Seymour. “When this Government assumed office, ...2 days ago
- New Zealand concludes high quality trade deal with the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC)
New Zealand and the six-nation Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) have concluded negotiations on a trade agreement that will open up significant opportunities for New Zealand exporters in the Gulf region, Minister for Trade and Agriculture Todd McClay announced from Doha today. Today’s announcement follows significant reengagement with the GCC following meetings ...2 days ago
- Government seeks views on remote court attendance
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- Breast screening age extension begins in Nelson Marlborough
Free breast screening has been extended for 70 to 74-year-old women living in the Nelson Marlborough district, ahead of a national roll-out late next year, Health Minister Dr Shane Reti announced today. “Breast cancer is the most common cancer in New Zealand with about 3,400 women diagnosed with the disease ...3 days ago
- Te Māori Manaaki Taonga Trust Board strengthened
He toi whakairo, he mana tangata. The reappointment of one trustee and the appointment of four new trustees to the Te Māori Manaaki Taonga Trust Board will enable the legacy of Te Māori to be carried forward into the future, Māori Development Minister Tama Potaka and Arts Minister Paul Goldsmith ...3 days ago
- Affordable housing project supporting home ownership
Up to 300 affordable, healthy, community-tailored homes helping to support home ownership are set to be built in eastern Porirua, supported by Government funding for Our Whare Our Fale through the Building Homes for Pacific in Porirua initiative, Minister for Pacific Peoples Dr Shane Reti and Associate Housing Minister Tama ...3 days ago
- Dire benefit forecasts show the need for Welfare that Works
A new report that forecasts young people on benefits will spend an average of 20 more years relying on welfare underscores the need for the Government’s reforms, Social Development and Employment Minister Louise Upston says. MSD’s latest Benefit System Insights report, released today, which estimates how many future years different ...3 days ago
- Trade Minister travels to Doha for GCC trade discussions
Trade Minister Todd McClay will hold trade discussions with Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) trade ministers in Doha this week. Minister McClay will meet with all six GCC Trade Ministers, as well as the GCC Secretary General. “This will be my seventh visit to the region this year including two Ministerial ...4 days ago
- Podiatry prescribers will boost patient care
Health Minister Dr Shane Reti and Associate Minister David Seymour say it’s great news that podiatrists will soon be able to prescribe medicines, meaning patients with painful foot and leg conditions don’t have to make a separate trip to the doctor. “This simple step means a big change for people ...4 days ago
- Historic redress inequities finally resolved for Lake Alice Unit survivors
The Government is addressing historic redress inequities for some survivors abused at the Lake Alice Child and Adolescent Unit. In 2001, the Crown reached a $6.5 million group settlement with 95 survivors subjected to abuse at the Lake Alice Unit. Law firm Grant Cameron & Associates (now GCA Lawyers) represented ...4 days ago
- ERO report shows Government’s truancy emphasis is vital
Associate Education Minister David Seymour says that the Education Review Office’s (ERO) timely report on chronic school absence released today is further evidence of a truancy crisis. “Chronic absence has doubled since 2015. This report reinforces that action is needed to ensure this generation reaches its full potential,” says Associate ...4 days ago
- Minister welcomes business view on AML
Associate Justice Minister Nicole McKee welcomes BusinessNZ’s report which addresses reducing the compliance burden on small businesses. “The challenges outlined in the report released today echo many of the concerns I have heard from businesses, which have informed my Anti Money Laundering/Countering Financing Terrorism (AML/CFT) priorities,” she says. “I have ...5 days ago
- Mangamuka Gorge opening in time for Christmas
State Highway 1 through the Mangamuka Gorge will be open for Christmas, with critical work currently underway to clear the large slips and dropouts that have caused significant disruption for Northlanders trying to get where they want to go quickly and safely, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “The Mangamuka Gorge ...5 days ago
- Trusted building professionals able to self-certify
The Government is proposing further significant action to reform the building and construction sector to support more affordable homes and a stronger economy, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. “If we want to grow the economy, lift incomes, create jobs and build more affordable, quality homes we need a ...5 days ago
- New appointments to the TEC board
Dr Alan Bollard CNZM and Mr Bharat Guha have been appointed to the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) board, Tertiary Education and Skills Minister Penny Simmonds says. “I would like to welcome the two new members joining the TEC board,” Ms Simmonds says. “Dr Alan Bollard CNZM is an experienced public ...5 days ago
- Move to fast-track overseas doctors welcomed
Fast tracking applications for registration by eligible specialist doctors wanting to practice in New Zealand is in line with the Government’s push to improve the health outcomes for New Zealanders, Health Minister Dr Shane Reti says. This fast-track pathway applies to specialists trained in anaesthesia, dermatology, emergency medicine, general practice, ...5 days ago
- Address to Western Sydney University: Constitutional and Rule of Law challenges in current global en...
Tēnā koutou Nau mai haere mai ki tenei hui Thank you to Vice Chancellor Williams, and the University of Western Sydney, for inviting me to speak today. I speak to you today in my capacity as Attorney-General – the New Zealand Crown’s Senior Law Officer. In this capacity, I serve ...5 days ago
- Security advice for start-ups welcomed
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- Funding support to strengthen frontline volunteer service organisations
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- Jones heads to international mining conference
Resources Minister Shane Jones will speak at Australia's largest annual mining event in Sydney this week to mark New Zealand’s return to the international industry stage. Mr Jones will attend the International Mining and Resources Conference (IMARC) where he will update the sector’s most influential players on the work the ...7 days ago
- NZ investing in Pacific disaster preparedness & climate resilience
New Zealand will contribute $20 million to the Pacific Resilience Facility, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters have announced. “The Pacific Islands region faces severe challenges from natural disasters and climate change impacts and New Zealand is committed to doing its part to help meet them,” ...1 week ago
- Police to increase presence on Auckland public transport
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- Government funds helicopter replacements
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- China and New Zealand strengthen organic trade
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- Judicial appointments announced
Attorney-General Judith Collins today announced two Court of Appeal and two High Court appointments. The four appointments will take effect on 21 November 2024 and are: Justice Christine French Justice French, who has been appointed President of the Court of Appeal, graduated with an LLB (Honours) from the University of Otago ...1 week ago
- Tuatapere Hump Ridge Track becomes New Zealand’s 11th Great Walk
Conservation Minister Tama Potaka joined tangata whenua from Ngāi Tahu and local community members today to celebrate the opening of New Zealand’s eleventh Great Walk – the Tuatapere Hump Ridge Track. “The 60km upgraded track provides the opportunity to do one of New Zealand’s world-class multi-day walks, and will bring ...1 week ago
- New Chief Criminal Cases Review Commissioner
The Honourable Denis Clifford has been appointed Chief Commissioner of the Criminal Cases Review Commission, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. Hon Clifford brings a wealth of expertise and experience that will prove invaluable to the Commission. “He has served as a judge at both the Court of Appeal and High ...1 week ago
- Changes to improve building fire safety
The Government is progressing changes to better protect Kiwis and their property from fires, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. “Following the tragic Loafer’s Lodge fire in 2023, 37 boardings houses across the country were assessed and I am pleased to say that all fire safety recommendations from the ...1 week ago
- Germany and New Zealand partner to support agriculture and tackle global emissions
New Zealand and Germany have announced the official start of a partnership aimed at supporting the agriculture sector and tackle global agricultural greenhouse gas emissions Agriculture Minister Todd McClay announced today. “The partnership, called the Alliance for the Climate – Dialogue on Climate and Agriculture between New Zealand and Germany (Agri-DENZ project), ...1 week ago
- New members appointed to the Waitangi Tribunal
Māori Development Minister Tama Potaka today confirmed the appointment of two new members to the Waitangi Tribunal, as well as the reappointment of Kevin Prime. The members appointed and reappointed are: Hon Richard Prebble (CBE). Mr Prebble is a former Cabinet Minister where he held a broad range of portfolios. ...1 week ago
- New appointments to the Local Government Commission
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- New Electoral Commission Chair appointed
Today the House agreed to Justice Simon Moore KC being appointed chair of the Electoral Commission, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. “Justice Moore brings with him a high level of legal acumen and decision-making ability, strategic planning skills and unquestionable personal integrity and independence. “He retired from the High Court ...1 week ago
- Education Minister attending conference in Australia
The Education Minister is travelling to Australia today to attend the 23rd edition of public policy conference, Consilium. “New Zealand and Australia share common challenges and aspirations for education. New South Wales has recently introduced a new curriculum that is explicit, sequenced and knowledge based while Victoria is requiring structured ...1 week ago
- Launching VisAble to enable safer lives
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- Parliament Library became haunted house for Halloween
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- Palau newspaper sued by president’s family company ahead of general election
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By Caleb Fotheringham, RNZ Pacific journalist Cook Islands Prime Minister Mark Brown has returned from New Caledonia saying it is not a simple “black and white situation”. Brown returned from a three-day Pacific fact-finding mission in the French Pacific territory alongside the Prime Ministers of Solomon Islands, Tonga and Fiji. ...18 hours ago
- Another Palestinian journalist killed in Gaza as Israel ‘suffocates the truth’
“In his message for the day, the secretary-general underscores that a free press is fundamental to human rights, to democracy and to the rule of law,” Dujarric said. ‘Alarming rate of fatalities’“Recent years have seen an alarming rate of fatalities in conflict zones, particularly in Gaza, which has seen the ...19 hours ago
- Chris Penk lays foundations for self-certified building scheme
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- Short story: 3rd place, Sargeson Prize
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- The Secret Diary of .. Mike King
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- The making of Donald Trump
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- Where the brain goes, the gut will follow
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ROFL
I own up. I was fooled…. 😳
Alas for the country, that skit is so close to the truth, anyone could mistake them for the real Banks and Key.
“Hey Benksie, I gotta joke 4 ya”…
🙂
Is it the actual transcript? Seems believable.
I’s was only fooled for about 10 sec. but that was enough!
Was it all smoke and mirrors. I looked up the pollies bible (Yes Minister scripts) and found some sage comments there.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: You know what happens when politicians get into Number 10; they want to take their place on the world stage.
Sir Richard Wharton: People on stages are called actors. All they are required to do is look plausible, stay sober, and say the lines they’re given in the right order.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Some of them try to make up their own lines.
Sir Richard Wharton: They don’t last long.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: It is so difficult for me you see, as I am wearing two hats.
James Hacker: Yes, isn’t that rather awkward for you.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Not if one is in two minds.
Bernard Woolley: Or has two faces.
James Hacker: You are Cabinet Secretary. You must insist that we get papers circulated earlier.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Alas, there are grave problems about circulating papers before they are written.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: I see. What do you advise, Bernard?
Bernard Woolley: I advise you consider your position carefully, perhaps adopting a more flexible posture, while keeping your ear to the ground, covering your retreat and watching your rear.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: We write him a speech that makes him nail his trousers to the mast.
Bernard Woolley: Oh, you mean nail his colours to the mast.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: No, nail his trousers to the mast. Then he can’t climb down.
[about writing speeches for the minister]
Sir Humphrey Appleby: We can’t worry about entertaining people. We are not scriptwriters for a comedian. Well not a professional one, anyway.
the very last comment was GOLD