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Memo from Crosby Textor – fake news

Written By: - Date published: 9:06 am, August 2nd, 2019 - 19 comments

The Standard has obtained an internal memo from CTF Partners (formerly Crosby Textor) where it responds to allegations that it is a kindergarden for the rich children of Conservative Party donors, has engaged in misogynist behavior and ran anti and pro cycle astroturf campaigns to get a cycleway moved from near a client’s business premises to near an opponent’s premises.

Do republicans really want to arm infants?

Written By: - Date published: 10:40 am, July 16th, 2018 - 17 comments

It appears that Sacha Baron Cohen has succeeded in getting prominent Republicans to say stupid things about arming kids.

Tax is violence

Written By: - Date published: 1:24 pm, April 5th, 2018 - 56 comments

Can we please now save David Seymour from his violent oppression and relieve him of his tax-funded salary?

US presidential campaign heats up along with the hurricanes

Written By: - Date published: 4:00 pm, September 12th, 2017 - 9 comments

The first contender has declared, albeit so far in a humorous manner. Less humorous has been the hurricanes that have been hitting southern states this season. You can understand why the oil industries anti-scientist Scott Pruitt that Trump put in charge of the EPA doesn’t want to talk about it.

What’s going on at the BBC?

Written By: - Date published: 7:00 am, March 18th, 2017 - 7 comments

And now for something completely different.

Trump physically slams WWE billionaire McMahon to the ground, mercilessly mutilates him

Written By: - Date published: 2:02 pm, October 8th, 2016 - 49 comments

Definitive documentary evidence of Trump the violent, volatile, unpredictable sociopath revealed.

The comical farce of Cameron Slater et al

Written By: - Date published: 10:37 am, November 20th, 2015 - 42 comments

Cameron Slater and his associates are legal morans. This has been extensively investigated and judged on by the Court of Appeal in a judgement released yesterday. I have a wee look at it and the steaming heap of faecal matter that these idiots tried to get the judges to consume.

Teapot tapes released!

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, December 9th, 2014 - 7 comments

As the matter seems to be heading for trial now is a good time for the audio from the teapot tapes to be released.

ImperatorFish: A plea for help

Written By: - Date published: 11:24 pm, November 3rd, 2014 - 35 comments

I don’t usually ask for help, but this is different. I have made a lot of enemies, and some of them are determined to destroy me. I have managed to clad some of the roof of my house with aluminium foil, but funds are tight. If you don’t give me money it will make you a bad person

 

ImperatorFish: A message from the CEO of the Taxpayers’ Onion

Written By: - Date published: 3:12 pm, August 14th, 2014 - 2 comments

Scott brings us this important info on how to set up your totally independent lobby group successfully.

ImperatorFish: A statement from the Israel Defence Force

Written By: - Date published: 8:00 am, August 5th, 2014 - 81 comments

The indiscriminate and criminal slaughter of children and civilians of Gaza perpetrated by the fearlessly over-armed IDF must make every Israeli or fellow traveller armchair warrior grasp their groin in total excitement.

What the Herald would like to say

Written By: - Date published: 10:24 am, July 29th, 2014 - 31 comments

Porcupine farm has a ‘real” front page of the Herald – what they’d like to publish if they only could.

It’s the season of books & posters: write your own

Written By: - Date published: 7:27 am, June 29th, 2014 - 7 comments

It seems to be the season of books and faux movie posters. Mary-Ellen O’Connor has published a Nats’ cook book. Proceeds of the sales will apparently be donated to the “centre left”.

Imperator Fish: Critics slam Labour list selections – again

Written By: - Date published: 2:08 pm, June 23rd, 2014 - 20 comments

Some things are so predicable that Imperator Fish can write about them years ahead. Like the typical reactions to the Labour list. Let us observe the predictability of the right and others to it today. Marks for any bit of originality, but don’t be surprised if there aren’t any.

Imperator Fish: ACT’s new employment relations policy

Written By: - Date published: 8:30 am, June 13th, 2014 - 20 comments

The ACT Party today released its employment relations policy, which focuses on providing both employees and employers with flexibility in how they arrange their workplaces. “People may think they know how slavery works, but do they really? It’s an idea that has had some bad publicity over the years, but only because the right model hasn’t been tried. We believe we have developed the right model. A model that gives employees genuine choice about whether or not to become slaves.”

Imperator Fish: Winning in 2014: a prescription for Labour

Written By: - Date published: 11:04 pm, June 10th, 2014 - 38 comments

Scott Yorke at Imperator Fish is well known for his inciteful insightful analysis of many issues. However he has really really outdone himself on this clarion call for rioting clarity. It will bring war unity to all parts of the political spectrum outside of Labour  advising them on their strategy. Who can wait to read the few lines of commentary by David Farrar giving the 9th floor position as he quotes this post. Indeed!

Right thinking: Just looking after the investor

Written By: - Date published: 10:31 am, May 2nd, 2014 - 10 comments

Imperator Fish nails the essential relationship of a National/Act caucus with donations. “Why should a good hard-working minister have to resign over such a minor thing? All he did was put a little pressure on the police. Where’s the harm in that? Isn’t that what we pay our MPs for? To look after our interests and help us when we get into bother?” “Mr Liu invested a lot of money with the National Party. Isn’t he entitled to see a return on his investment?”

ImperatorFish: A statement from Shane Jones

Written By: - Date published: 11:48 am, March 14th, 2014 - 14 comments

[probably satire] This statement has been reposted from ImperatorFish and is believed to be a work of satire by Scott Yorke (who generously allows us to reproduce his posts). However with Shane Jones, one can never be too sure what is truth and what is fantasy. Shane Jones or a reasonable facsimile thereof takes on why he isn’t going to attack the terrible Green party again (to the nearly universal chorus of “dickhead”).

Cameron Slater gets starring role in TVNZ drama

Written By: - Date published: 2:21 pm, February 18th, 2014 - 21 comments

Susan Nact reporting. In a dramatic turn of events, cadet reporter Tracy Whatshite (drinking in a Ponsonby cafe), found an envelope labelled “Top Secret, Property of TVNZ”. We can reveal that inside was a script for a new television series that will be screening on Channel Two later this year. The new drama, has a […]

ImperatorFish: Unity!

Written By: - Date published: 11:59 am, January 12th, 2014 - 22 comments

In which ImperatorFish vows to turn over a new leaf and despite the outrageous and completely unfair barbs aimed in his direction. He will NOT respond to the wrong thinking arseholes! Afterall this is election year.

It is nice that he has included the “pond slime over at The Standard” in this vow.

ImperatorFish: Hekia Parata on the PISA report

Written By: - Date published: 11:43 am, December 6th, 2013 - 15 comments

Hekia, in her own succinct words. Or at least Scott’s.

Shane Jones: now pimping for Sealords

Written By: - Date published: 11:34 am, October 3rd, 2012 - 26 comments

As Shane Jones makes a complete dick of himself in public yet again in a traditional display of Labour party backbench egotism. I’m left shaking my head at the apparent complete inability of the Labour caucus to settle down to the task of being an effective opposition.

National’s new slogan

Written By: - Date published: 8:28 am, September 25th, 2012 - 23 comments

John Key’s emergency descent

Written By: - Date published: 11:22 am, February 12th, 2012 - 15 comments

A great graphic from the Sunday Star Times as John Key starts dropping towards a hard landing in the personal popularity stakes. And in the great tradition of  journalists everywhere, the rest of the article is about how he is still preferred by rubber fetishists.

Teapot tattle

Written By: - Date published: 2:25 pm, January 26th, 2012 - 122 comments

The Teapot Tapes have leaked on to the internet.

You can torrent it and listen past all of the noise.

The problems of pBooks

Written By: - Date published: 12:01 pm, January 13th, 2012 - 30 comments

My iPad was powerless, so for the first time in a month I reached into the vast numbers of pBooks that litter our shelves and are going to be a real pain to move in a month, and tried to start to read one.  I looked at the video of instructions from the 14th century and while that showed me what side to open it from. But where was …….

I am going to miss the real Aaron Gilmore

Written By: - Date published: 3:06 pm, December 10th, 2011 - 6 comments

The body of Aaron Gilmore will be leaving Parliament. However the divine rapture of the presence of “Aaron Gilmore for Prime Minister” will linger long after after that pretender to the name has gone.

Read the wisdom that is Facebook on the blessed one.

John Key: Berlusconi of the south pacific

Written By: - Date published: 7:22 am, November 19th, 2011 - 20 comments

 

Transcript Contest: Johns’ Magical Teapot Tapes

Written By: - Date published: 7:31 am, November 15th, 2011 - 25 comments

John: “I hear you might be able to get your hands on something to get me through the Election?”

John Key too drunk to drive

Written By: - Date published: 1:15 pm, November 5th, 2011 - 49 comments

hattip: tumeke

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