Stay Classy: TV3’s Newshrub.
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- Date published:
12:51 pm, January 21st, 2016 - 32 comments
Categories: cartoons, class war, disaster, Media, news, tv, you couldn't make this shit up -
Tags: death of journalism, satire, tv3
I had a dream in which media magnate Mark Weldon spoke to me.
“TRP, me old son, the people don’t like the news”.
“Which people?”, I asked, naively.
“The shareholders, of course”, he replied with a look of contempt. “Now get a press release out toot fucken sweet or you’ll find yourself working at Scout!”
I took the hint. Nobody wants to work at Scout. Nobody.
MEDIA RELEASE; Embargoed until someone cares.
MediaWorks’ new multi-platform news service will launch on February 1.
Newshrub, an integrated digital, TV and radio advertising service, will quite possibly provide breaking news and in-depth analysis across MediaWorks’ TV and radio channels, as well as online through a mobile app and website, the company says, giggling nervously. No, honestly, we really do think this will work. Why are you looking at me like that?
Newshrub Live at 6pm will be presented by Mike McRoberts and Hilary Barry, while Jeff McTainsh will present Newshrub Midday. Both bulletins hope to use their allocated 2 and a half minutes of quality journalism time to deliver the news that matters to real New Zealanders. Sadly, Max Key was unavailable for comment.
“Journalism is all about communities, and with our integration our ‘community’ has just got a lot wider,” McRoberts says. “Though I recognise that the NZ community is a relatively fixed amount of people and nothing we do actually changes that amount to make it wider, which makes my comment a load of old tosh” McRoberts didn’t go on to say.
Newsworthy will be rebranded as Newshrub Latte, and be hosted by Samantha Hayes until she gets a better offer. The weekend news bulletin will be hosted by Melissa Davies and Tom McRae, both of whom are returning from overseas posts and are already wondering why.
The service will also provide news content across other programmes, such as Paul Henry and, er, Paul Henry, and will place a strong emphasis on digital. TV3 have, of course, already given a strong digital signal to fans of John Campbell via the middle finger on Mark Weldon’s right hand.
“Newshrub combines the power of our radio, TV and digital newsrooms and is focused on providing tailored content to all platforms,” says MediaWorks Group Head of Once Was News, Mark Jennings. “No, I don’t know what that means, either“, Jennings went on to say in his head.
“Specialist teams of interns will work on breaking stories in the areas of most interest to New Zealanders. As long as most New Zealanders live in the Eden Terrace or Parnell areas, that is. We won’t be telling you what is happening, or why it is happening. But something’s happening. I know because I read about it on twitter. Which is where our viewers should probably go for real news, too.”
Ends. Badly.
3 News(hrub)
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- Govt move to exclude journalist risks chilling effect
The Green Party is alarmed by the Government’s move to exclude a journalist from covering this week’s apology for the survivors of abuse in state and faith-based care. ...2 weeks ago
- Without action, an apology will be empty air
For tomorrow’s apology to survivors of abuse in state and faith-based care to hold any water, the Government must not pursue the same policies that drove the abuse in the first place. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Concerns remain over tobacco interference
Concerns about the tobacco industry’s ability to interfere in government policy making remain, despite the inability of the Office of the Auditor-General to investigate the Government’s decision to halve the excise tax on heated tobacco products. ...2 weeks ago
- Urgent wake-up call on climate
The Climate Change Commission’s latest advice indicates Aotearoa needs to be stepping up on climate action. ...2 weeks ago
- Green MP’s Meme-ber’s Bill set to save the world
Break out the punchlines and dust off your meme folder: Green Party MP Kahurangi Carter’s Copyright (Parody and Satire) Amendment Bill was pulled from the Ballot yesterday. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Poroporoaki: Ta Robert (Bom) Gillies
Kua hinga te manawa kairākau o Te Rua Tekau Ma Waru Tiwhatiwha te po! Kakarauru i te po! Ka rapuhia kei hea koe kua riro! Haere e te Ika a Whiro ki o tini hoa kua ngaro atu ki te Pō ...2 weeks ago
- Labour, Greens and Te Pāti Māori call on the Prime Minister to block the Treaty Principles Bill
The opposition parties stand united for an Aotearoa that honours Te Tiriti, rather than seeking to rewrite it. Labour, the Greens and Te Pāti Māori are working together against the Government’s divisive Treaty Principles Bill. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Labour, Greens and Te Pāti Māori call on the Prime Minister to block the Treaty Principle...
The opposition parties stand united for an Aotearoa that honours Te Tiriti, rather than seeking to rewrite it. Labour, the Greens and Te Pāti Māori are working together against the Government’s divisive Treaty Principles Bill. ...2 weeks ago
- NZ must pursue independent foreign policy
The Green Party says the need is greater than ever for Aotearoa New Zealand to pursue an independent foreign policy. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Winston Peters must apologise
The Deputy Prime Minister should apologise to the public servant he named and blamed for something they did not do, and for misusing the rules of Parliament. ...2 weeks ago
- Government action provides Southland farmers more time to meet plan requirements
The Government is taking action to ensure Southland farmers and growers are not affected by unreasonable regional farm plan deadlines, Agriculture Minister Todd McClay, Environment Minister Penny Simmonds and Associate Environment Minister Andrew Hoggard say.“Cabinet has agreed to provide more time for farmers and growers to comply with regional rules ...15 hours ago - Bill reaffirms Government’s commitment to crack down on serious youth offending
The Oranga Tamariki (Responding to Serious Youth Offending) Bill had its first reading at Parliament today. The Bill reaffirms the Government’s commitment to crack down on serious youth offending, Minister for Children Karen Chhour says. “In recent years we have seen an unacceptable spike in youth offending. “This Bill makes ...16 hours ago
- Critical milestones for earthquake buildings review
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- State of the art radiology machine for Auckland
People in Northland and Auckland will benefit from a new machine for cancer treatment installed at the Regional Cancer and Blood Service at Auckland City Hospital. The MV5 linear accelerator, or LINAC machine, officially opened today targets cancer tumours with pinpoint accuracy. Health Minister Dr Shane Reti says this new, ...17 hours ago
- Foreign Minister to visit Europe
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- First arrests made under gang patch ban
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- Better support for victims of sexual violence
The Government is proposing two major changes to name suppression laws that will put the views of victims of sexual violence first, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. “We are committed to restoring law and order and these two proposed changes will help ensure the victims of crime are put at ...19 hours ago
- Government moving forward with Regional Deals
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- MSA pilot participant update
One of the ten young men selected to participate in the Military-Style Academy Pilot has allegedly reoffended. Children’s Minister Karen Chhour is disappointed but says it would be naïve to think that none of these young men would reoffend. “I’m saddened that this young person has not taken this opportunity ...20 hours ago
- Attendance rates increase, again
Associate Education Minister David Seymour says that school attendance is continuing to rise. In Term 3 of 2024 51.3 per cent of students attended school regularly, an increase of 5.3 percentage points from 46 per cent in Term 3 of 2023. “This Government has prioritised student attendance and it is ...22 hours ago
- Improving the lives of young New Zealanders
Ensuring New Zealand is the best place in the world for children and young people is the vision at the heart of the Government’s new Child and Youth Strategy, Child Poverty Reduction Minister Louise Upston says. “Childhood represents a huge opportunity to set people on a positive path towards living ...1 day ago
- Government continues work to reinstate livestock exports by sea
The Government is reinstating the trade of livestock exports by sea while ensuring the highest standards of animal welfare, says Associate Minister of Agriculture Andrew Hoggard.“The Government will introduce legislation changes to reinstate the trade, enhance oversight, and strengthen requirements for exporters to identify risks and manage the welfare of ...2 days ago
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Tēnā koutou katoa – it is a pleasure to be here today. I would like to begin by acknowledging the important leadership role you all play in ensuring a quality health system New Zealanders can trust. There is enormous clinical expertise in this room covering a wide range of disciplines. ...2 days ago
- New Zealand’s COP29 National Statement
Tēnā koutou katoa. Mr President, Excellencies, Delegates. New Zealand, and all nations represented here today, are already dealing with the impacts of climate change. Our households, businesses, and economies are bearing the costs of its effects. The choices we make now will shape the severity of these impacts for generations ...2 days ago
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- New Zealand supporting loss and damage fund
Climate Change Minister Simon Watts announced New Zealand will contribute NZ$10 million to the new Fund for Responding to Loss and Damage while at the annual United Nations Climate Change Conference (COP29) in Baku, Azerbaijan. “New Zealand is joining the global effort to address the significant challenge of responding to ...2 days ago
- Gang crackdown begins at stroke of midnight
The free ride for gangs is over when the clock strikes midnight tonight, with tough new laws officially coming into effect, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith and Police Minister Mark Mitchell say. “Gang patches will no longer be able to be worn in public. To earn the right to wear a ...2 days ago
- LGFA increases borrowing capacity to support high growth councils
The Government is welcoming the decision by the Local Government Funding Agency to increase access to financing tools for fast growing councils to support greater investment in critical infrastructure, Local Government Minister Simeon Brown says.“Communities across the country are facing an infrastructure deficit and significant population growth is projected in ...2 days ago
- Temporary Traffic Management costs revealed
The Government has revealed that over the past three years, the New Zealand Transport Agency (NZTA) has spent an eyewatering $786 million of taxpayers’ money on road cones and temporary traffic management (TTM), Transport Minister Simeon Brown says.“When I became Minister, I was surprised to learn that that NZTA did ...2 days ago
- Jurisdiction of Disputes Tribunal to double
Legislation that will double the financial jurisdiction of the Disputes Tribunal from $30,000 to $60,000 has passed first reading in Parliament today, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith. “We need to improve court timeliness and access to justice so that Kiwis and get on with their lives. Court delays affect everyone, the ...3 days ago
- Protecting New Zealand from foreign interference
Legislation that will specifically criminalise foreign interference and strengthen espionage offences has passed first reading in Parliament today, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. “It is normal and appropriate for states to interact and work to influence one another. This encourages cooperation and can have mutually beneficial outcomes. “However, the reality ...3 days ago
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Transport Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed news that the NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) Board has approved funding towards pre-implementation and early works on the State Highway 1 (SH1) Belfast to Pegasus Motorway and Woodend Bypass Road of National Significance (RoNS). “Reaching this significant milestone is a reflection of our Government’s ...3 days ago
- Health survey results to help drive change
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- Final push needed to get to Smokefree 2025
A renewed effort to get people to quit smoking will build on what has worked to date and target the groups who most need support, Associate Health Minister Casey Costello said today. “The latest New Zealand Health Survey results show the daily smoking rate at 6.9 per cent and we ...3 days ago
- New diplomatic appointments
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- Next steps for Regulatory Standards Bill
Regulation Minister David Seymour has today announced the next steps in the Government’s plan improve the quality of regulation by opening consultation on a proposed Regulatory Standards Bill. “New Zealand's low wages can be blamed on low productivity, and low productivity can be blamed on poor regulation,” says Mr Seymour. ...3 days ago
- Red Tape Tipline goes live
Minister for Regulation David Seymour has today announced that the Ministry for Regulation’s Red Tape Tipline is now live. “We want to hear about your red tape horror stories. From today, New Zealanders will have a say on how they are regulated through an online portal,” says Mr Seymour. The ...3 days ago
- Youth Parliament 2025 announced
The Minister for Youth Matt Doocey has today announced the eleventh Youth Parliament will be taking place in 2025. “Youth Parliament offers a unique youth development opportunity to young people from across New Zealand to experience the political process and learn about how government works,” says Mr Doocey. “The two-day ...4 days ago
- Police stats show promising change
After nearly a year in Government, Kiwis have seen significant change across law and order with promising early results shown across some Police statistics, says Police Minister Mark Mitchell. “In August 2023, I told New Zealanders that if they had not started to see a change in public safety within ...4 days ago
- Better coordination of anti-scam efforts
With the launch of Fraud Awareness Week, the Government is committing to new coordination efforts across industry and government to combat online scams, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly says. “Online financial scams are a growing problem for New Zealand. New data released today shows that Kiwis lost nearly ...4 days ago
- Minister to consider 7AA select committee report
Minister for Children Karen Chhour will consider the recommendations made by the Social Services and Community Committee in its report back to Parliament on the Oranga Tamariki (Repeal of Section 7AA) Amendment Bill. “I want to thank the people who made submissions and those who appeared before the committee in ...4 days ago
- Defence Minister to attend ASEAN meeting
Defence Minister Judith Collins will this week attend the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) Defence Ministers’ Meeting-Plus in Vientiane, Laos. “We need to take every opportunity to engage with our international partners, given the increasingly unstable geo-political situation,” Ms Collins says. “New Zealand has a long-standing commitment to this ...4 days ago
- Launching the White Ribbon Ride
The Minister for the Prevention of Family and Sexual Violence, Karen Chhour, was on hand to wish riders well at the start of the North Island leg of the White Ribbon Ride in Whakatāne this morning. The ride helps mark the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, ...5 days ago
- Construction to begin on next stage of Papakura to Drury
Construction on the next stage of the SH1 Papakura to Drury project will begin early next month, with the contract for works awarded to Fulton Hogan, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. "SH1 Papakura to Drury is a key project that will drive economic growth and productivity, reduce congestion, and enable people ...6 days ago
- NZ signs trade deal with Costa Rica, Iceland and Switzerland
Trade and Agriculture Minister Todd McClay has signed a pioneering trade agreement that prioritises New Zealand’s sustainable exports at a ceremony during APEC in Peru today. “The Agreement on Trade and Sustainability (ACCTS), between Costa Rica, Iceland, and Switzerland was concluded in July of this year and opens up significant ...6 days ago
- Government and iwi work together on aquaculture
Five new Aquaculture Settlement Areas will help ensure Ngāi Tahu shares in the opportunities aquaculture offers for Southland’s economy, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. “The Aquaculture Settlement Areas (ASAs) I’m announcing today set aside space so the Crown and Ngāi Tahu can assess their potential for aquaculture development. ...7 days ago
- Government launches review to ensure electricity market is fit-for-purpose
The terms of reference for a review of the performance of the electricity market have been released. The review, initiated by the Coalition Government during the power crisis in winter will look at whether current regulations and market design support economic growth and access to reliable and affordable electricity, Energy Minister ...7 days ago
- Speech to Social Investment Hui: Jack and his whānau need our help
Kia ora koutou katoa. Nau mai, haere mai, piki mai. Ki te mihi atu ahau, ki te manwhenua nei, Te Atiawa, Ngāti toa rangatira, tēnā koutou, tēnā koutou, tēnā koutou katoa. Thank you, Andy, for your introduction. Let me acknowledge you as the new Chief Executive of the Social Investment ...7 days ago
- Minister of State for Trade heads to Brisbane for PACER Plus meeting
Minister of State for Trade Nicola Grigg has travelled to Australia to attend the PACER Plus Ministers Meeting in Brisbane. “Trade plays a critical role in driving employment, economic growth, and improving the standards of living in the Pacific Region. The Government is strongly committed to supporting Pacific Island countries ...7 days ago
- Proposals to modernise conservation released
Toitū te taiao – Our environment endures The Government is consulting on proposals to modernise New Zealand’s conservation management system, aiming to protect relevant natural areas while supporting sustainable growth in tourism and regional economies, Conservation Minister Tama Potaka says. “Today, the Department of Conservation – Te Papa Atawhai is ...1 week ago
- Knowing superstitions aren’t real doesn’t stop us behaving superstitiously – why?
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Stephanie Gomes-Ng, Senior Lecturer of Psychology, Auckland University of Technology Getty Images Former New Zealand prime minister John Key has three white rabbits painted on his helicopter, a nod to his “massively superstitious” habit of repeating “white rabbits” three times at ...2 hours ago - Government slammed for pushing ahead with boot camps while trial still under way
The coalition has "absolutely no intention of listening to the evidence that comes out of their experiment", Labour MP says. ...3 hours ago - Smoke and mirrors in tobacco debate
Labour claims Government is ‘cherry-picking’ smoking trends data to hide decade-first increase in daily smokers The post Smoke and mirrors in tobacco debate appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 hours ago - Smoke and mirrors in heated tobacco debate
Labour claims Government is ‘cherry-picking’ smoking trends data to hide decade-first increase in daily smokers The post Smoke and mirrors in heated tobacco debate appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 hours ago
- Treasury bangs the drum on ‘unsustainable’ superannuation
The Government’s economic adviser is sending a message it doesn’t want to hear – superannuation is increasingly unaffordable The post Treasury bangs the drum on ‘unsustainable’ superannuation appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 hours ago
- Victims of sex offending welcome shift on name suppression laws
A man abused by a former political figure is "immensely relieved" at a government proposal to end secrecy around sex offenders' identities. ...3 hours ago
- This week three parties stood together – can they withstand the storm to come?
There is plenty yet to play out, but the next election is at this rate shaping up as trio versus trio, writes Toby Manhire. A subplot of this week’s historic hīkoi mō te Tiriti has been the sight of the three opposition parties presenting a unified front. Te Pāti Māori ...3 hours ago - All 33 malls in Auckland ranked from worst to best
From the low lows of abandon empires to the high highs of a mall done just right. This is the second in the Malls of New Zealand series, where we rank the malls in major centres. Next week: Wellington. A note from the editor: This is the hardest ranking we’ve ...3 hours ago
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As part of our series exploring how New Zealanders live and our relationship with money, a 27-year-old apartment-dwelling marketing exec explains her approach to spending and saving. Want to be part of The Cost of Being? Fill out the questionnaire here. Gender: Female. Age: 27. Ethnicity: Pākehā. Role: Marketing exec at ...3 hours ago
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The post Daily crossword, Friday 22 November appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 hours ago
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Opinion: The immediate horror of nuclear weapon explosions – the blinding flash, crushing blast wave, and radioactive inferno – is well documented.But what nuclear-armed nations either don’t grasp or won’t admit, is far more chilling: how their weapons could devastate even countries thousands of kilometres from any mushroom clouds.The collapse ...3 hours ago
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- Newsroom daily quiz, Friday 22 November
Loading…(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){var ql=document.querySelectorAll('A[data-quiz],DIV[data-quiz]'); if(ql){if(ql.length){for(var k=0;k<ql.length;k++){ql[k].id='quiz-embed-'+k;ql[k].href="javascript:var i=document.getElementById('quiz-embed-"+k+"');try{qz.startQuiz(i)}catch(e){i.start=1;i.style.cursor='wait';i.style.opacity='0.5'};void(0);"}}};i['QP']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){(i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o),m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m)})(window,document,'script','https://take.quiz-maker.com/3012/CDN/quiz-embed-v1.js','qp');Got a good quiz question? Send Newsroom your questions.The post Newsroom daily quiz, Friday 22 November appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 hours ago
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so close to the truth your post isn’t funny
ends badly for all but Weldon and Christie I bet
Very funny TRP!!!
ah,
still not watching TV3.
I’d rather dangle my nuts over an electric fence than watch TV3 news.
ouch. ouch. mind roasted chestnuts – yum, but other then that….ouch.
Bloody good TRP.
For those of us that don’t own a TV or follow the MSM very closely is this apropos of something TV3 is doing at the moment or is it just derision for the whole general ethos that TV3 now represents?
Sadly, it’s based on fact, weka. 3News is being replaced by what Mediaworks are calling a news hub.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/76106223/rachel-smalley-says-that-no-more-3news-is-good-news
snap 🙂
Thanks, trp, not sure I can bring myself to read anything about it yet 🙁 Really appreciate you putting up the post, because what else needs to be said?
If I had not seen some of this yesterday I would have been looking for the /sarc But yes, you couldn’t make shit this bad up.
never mind, I heard it first on the standard 😀
http://thestandard.org.nz/open-mike-21012016/#comment-1121218
Ha! That kinda nicely illustrates the situation Mediaworks find themselves in. Having gutted the newsroom, they no longer have the hook that their other programs used to hang off. Peak viewing time (and advertising dollars) were anchored to the 6pm news. Not now. Former viewers have quickly adapted to getting their info from other sources and, frankly, there is no way back now.
Bet Campbell could build one – if the shareholders want to salvage anything from the shell.
This is why proper public broadcasting is crucial to an open Democracy and why natz will never allow one.
They went straight for freeview first up and killed off community tv for openers.
Hopefully a new Government will sort out the abortion that TV One is at present?
Whoever gets in after this key fronted wrecking crew are gone will have much more serious matters to deal with.
This was always the plan, restrict and obstruct future efforts to undo the damage, return public assets, ressurect democracy etc
“Newshrub Live at 6pm will be presented by Mike McRoberts and Hilary Barry,”
Very old hat. Should have got Art and Matilda for the 6pm….. and then Suzanne Paul for the late edition as she could have pushed her bedtime pillow-thing at the same time.
That’s inhumane. Suzanne Paul’s voice should be classified as an offensive weapon.
Newshub will keep all of us informed as we breathlessly follow the exploits of Max Key and for serious news John Key could do his strip-tease dance while giggling through summary of why he is such a clever funny chappie. Good luck Newshubby at 6.
Great insight TRP.
Present journalists might want to take heed of the famous Martin Niemöller “…first they came for the…” quote, & start doing their freakin’ jobs!
In other words it’s more of the same with a different name.
Thanks for this TRP! Gave me a good chuckle.
It’s almost like Weldon, Christie & Jennings are trying to kill it? They’ve made a series of strategic mistakes (losing key audience anchor soaps in the 5:30pm slot, Campbell Live etc) and now this!
How long before the Minister of Mediaworks, Mr Joyce, is called upon for a bailout (loan/gift/handout)?
Its been a long day, and it is very hot so not surprisingly I read the heading for this post and thought…New shub? What’s that all about?
A small bath cum large sink? Surely not.
So off to the google and the ever reliable Urban Dictionary.
Ah! All clear now.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shubs
(worth scrolling down…)
Now they explain TV3 news Shub exactly.
Meanwhile the new Checkpoint with John Campbell is strangely compelling TV on Freeview 50. Followed by a half hour of real international news (although without the live TV studio presentation)
Yeah I love it. Doesn’t spend its money on glitzy graphics – just quality journalism.
Free view 50 available on satellite free view ? as all I see is the same dross and dross+1
According to FreeviewNZ, it should be: http://www.freeviewnz.tv/channel/23
You might need to re-tune your Freeview box though.
Nah! I’ll settle for an hour’s extension of scout. Great viewing….so TV3.(Weldon Christie Glusina & co..that’s sarc)
The stupid thing is, parts of this are reasonable steps- it’s probably better to have one news room, for sure, and to make content more available in other media and on-demand, it’s just that they’re pairing it with their usual self-destructive “news isn’t sufficiently flashy” bullshit that just drives ratings down because that’s not why people watch news, and then because their ratings still suck they inject more flash and opinion into the news to try and up-rate it even more, continuously undermining the credibility of the format.
Lols TRP. They did say this newshrub was in the pipeline didn’t they. So does that mean I won’t get to shout at Patrick Gower any more? Or will it be new condensed Gower? “make no mistake commies, Key is the man, you just gotta suck it up”
In the mean time we have Filthy Rich to look forward to on a chanel I haven’t seen since some time in the 90’s.
Inspired by the immoral unapologetic behaviour of the well, filthy rich, like Key:
http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/tv-radio/68982604/Filthy-Rich-TV-show-inspired-by-Ponytailgate
Trailer:
http://tvnz.co.nz/filthy-rich/6435947?gclid=CMmJ4dqlvMoCFVgkvQodGXMJWw
No more Paddy Gower, that would certainly cheer up quite a few people 😀 Can’t imagine they’d dump that piece of click bait though.
Hurray for the unregulated competitive market! Success again at providing better services to the public than State/Regulated services.
…Oh wait O.o