Caption Contest
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- Date published:
12:27 pm, April 4th, 2011 - 89 comments
Categories: john key, leadership, national -
Tags: christchurch rebuilding, gerry brownlee, steven joyce
89 comments on “Caption Contest ”
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FICTION1 Kāwai: Tree of Nourishment by Monty Soutar (David Bateman, $39.99)Sample dialogue, all from one chapter:“That can’t be,” replied Taona doubtfully.“You were right. The pā is unnervingly quiet,” Taona murmured.“The Hākuwai,” Motukia breathed. “Our grandfathers told us they rarely saw the Hākuwai in daylight,” Motukia muttered.“Their fight would have been futile ...8 hours ago
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Sneaky,Clueless and Bozo.
Beagle 1, beagle 2 & beagle 3.
capcha “dangerous” lol
Oh sweet Jesus ! Gerry’s got his hand on my arse !
Excuse me, dearie, I wonder if you could get your editor to call the police ? I’m being sexually molested by Lord Brownlee of Ilam as we speak.
Please excuse us, we need to go and get changed into our dominatrix outfits, we’re really going to fuck the country now. Ha ha ha!
Well, yesshh, of course I’m pissshhhed !, I mean I’ve been drinking heavily for the lassht 6 hours, after all ! But no worries – Gerry’s propping me up and Steve’s promised to keep an eye out for any early signs of diarrhea. I mean I hardly need to tell any of you in the Pressh Gallery that excessive drinking always gives me a runny botty, do I ? ‘Watery Bowel Movements’ is my middle name.
Me and my homies ‘toad’ and ‘BIG Coal’ are putting out a rap album this year, the title track is ‘it’s all for sale’ and a second hit is called ‘smile’.
I take offence to any comparison with Steven Joyce.
Yes, we are out of ideas, but a party without an opposition can afford to be.
“No, Gerry dropped that one..”
“ekshully what tends to surprise people at the end of the day is that I talk and Gerry doesn’t even open his mouth. Because you can tell he’s “mining my natural reserves” right now. “
None of us are at all relaxed about the colour tie Bronagh picked out for me today…
“Gerry and Steve both support me in recommending the new cockroach diet to those now unemployed in East Christchurch…”
“… it would be the ‘Catfood diet’, but shipping catfood to Christchurch is expensive, whereas cockroaches are a locally produced resource in the Canterbury region…”
yup, eckshully we’ve decided to re-brand them as ‘self-propelled ration packs’ – we thunk it’ll go a long way to taking away some of the sigma
Genius x 2 Sean!
“No, I’ve done comedy, perveing, cricket, and modelling, now with SJ and Biffa B I plan to head a kinda boy band, we will call it the Evil Axis and I have written its first single based loosely on a Bob Marley song called “No money No Care”.
Look – I’ve decided to come down hard on bullying – steve poked gerry first so gerry has every right to be very upset.
John Key answers questions from the media, flanked by Ministers Steven Joyce and Gerry Brownlee. No-one knows who the fence is, but by the time anyone had noticed he was there, the photos had been taken.
Woop Woop. That’s the sound of the keys,
Woop, Woop, of our new limousines.
lol!
Yes! We all practice our concerned look in the mirror.
“All the men in cabinet have vowed not to wear pants, until the Rugby World Cup is won. Ahhh, Steve – stop looking down.”
Look it’s akchully not right that my ministers are as thick as two short planks. Look at that fence behind me for example; Steve’s not short at all in comparison and Gerry’s obviously much thicker.
Or:
Ummm, Steve, I’m not sure putting me in front of a fence is akchully making me look less wooden.
Or:
I’ve asked Steve and Gerry to be here because this is a matter of national importance, akshully. According to the chick from New Idea Liz Hurley has just filed for divorce, so that’s me outta here. I’m leaving Gerry in charge. Steve’s job is to tell Bill. And Bling Bling.
JK “Did you say whose toupee? No? Oh, who’s to pay? For lunch? Steve – he draw the short straw.”
Watch and learn Joycey, glove puppetry might be a dirty business, but John knows how to take one for the team…
“Next, I’ll drink a glass of water while he keeps talking…”
“Where’s Mitch and Tich?”
Look, I only travel with baldy and fatty to make me look more photogenic.
Chauncey Gardiner , aka John Key, gives an interview without a cue card and engaged brain to acclaim by his supporters, Brownlee and Joyce.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBFv4JaKq4s&feature=related
The film reveals the truth about NZ politics.
Hit a nerve there John, thinks Gerry; I just can’t look em in the eye thinks Steven; I’m gonna throw up thinks John.
“Actchully, I am very very very s-s-s-er sorry for not looking after your New Zealand. Do you forgive me pretty please? Mmmm?”
Straw pig announces “new Christchurch houses are to be made of lawn clippings from rich people’s country homes” as stick pig and brick pig try to stay awake after a night in the trough.
“No, no, Steven never said Gerry’s lies were an offence against humanity, he said his tie was in a fence in Canterbury.”
Haha clever Ak 🙂
That’s my pick too… double plus clever.
” Aw yeah, the food costis terble, we was just driving past a family eating grass on a bare patch by the sideothe road, so I took pity onem and got my driver to dropem off at my place cos I’ve been so busy been unspiratunal the bloody stuffs a foot high there”.
… and so, despite Steven’s objections, I promise my Government will not raise GST on cockroaches this term.
The future King Gerry I wonders if now is the right time to announce his coup d‘état.
“Yeah, Wayne asked us to come and look at the results of his cuts in De Fence spending”
This should have been a spot the difference competition.
The three at the front are thieves.
The one at the back is a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence_(criminal).
New Cereal Launch Press Release:
“The’rez a problem with th’ Roach cereal we’ve just lunched. It seems as vough Steven couldn’t spot a Giraffe amongst all the roaches and axidently in-jested the free plastic animal. According to advice from our liars, poor people should take th box back and we’ll exchange it for free with a fresh box of weevil pops.”
Our position on daylight saving? Look, it’s not up to the Government to save daylight. Daylight needs to take responsibility for its own problems, akchully, and get up on it’s own two feet and start looking for a job, not a handout. Gerry, do we need any daylight down the mines? Yes? Really? Well, there’s your answer.
… doeshn’t give my opponentsh mush time to prepare for an election, hic …
Diagonal stripes on tie make man look fat.
Can’t afford bodyguards these days, what with tax cuts ‘n all, so these two goodfellas will have to do.
“CONGRESS TART !”
Ha!
How many times… it’s not ratpack – we are known as the ratchetpack
See I told you we CAN kick em when they are down.
“oh you wanted the truth?!!”
Not a caption, but that picture makes jk look like Dopey Dwarf
Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee
That mordiously hath bitled out
Its earted jurtles
Into a rancid festering
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts
And living glupules frart and slipulate
Like jowling meated liverslime
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
See if I don’t.
I thought National were the Hutts and Labour were the Vogons.
The one on the right could be a Hutt.
The one on the left with the unnatural fetish for building expressways is Vogon Commander Joyce.
You are very funny
Cartooning can be used for serious purpose too – this example cruelly exaggerates facial expressions in order to highlight the undesirable personality traits in a thicket of thieves.
Blackheart Beagle with two of his favorite sons –
176-671 the dumber one who often tends to foul up the plans, and 176-761 the food and wine taster with a special liking for prunes.
“This is much easier than robbing Scrooges money bin – hell we’ve got a whole country to plunder and I only have to wear a silly outfit at APEC.
The price of cat food is going down but there will be no gst increase
omg wtf am i saying
i need a drink
Well, look, again that may be the case, but yeah the reality is we’re, I mean, we’re deadly serious on this one, the NZ worker is completely fucked.
JK – “I’m quite relaxed about that question but I haven’t received any advice about that…”, turns to Gerry “…what do I think about ….”
————
JK – “Earthquake in Christchurch? I did hear something about that – but there are always rumours around parliament.”
————
JK – “Earthquake in Christchurch? Ha, well that’s what you get from the failed policies of nine years under a Labour government.”
————
JK – “Cockroaches? You think they’ve got it rough? used ta live int shoebox int middle o rord….
————
Thought bubbles….
Steven : “I’d like ta git me a bita dat ass!”
Gerry : “Spider pig, spider pig…….what! Did someone say cat food? Hmmm, cat food……oh look, something shiny”
Nope that question’s not on my list to answer and bovver boy and bunter are being seen but not heard like the good lackies they are.
Freehand Telco, Darth Trader and Gerry the Rut announce Treasury’s new plan for ChCh’s PPP Death star. “Don’t make me destroy you” quipped a relaxed Darth Trader.
Darth Trader!
You know what’s funny? No matter how many names we come up with for Key, none will ever be as nasty, as vicious, or as cold-blooded as the one his friends gave him – The Smiling Assassin.
That bears some thinking about, innit?
Maybe if I’m good Liz will show me some make up tips so my eyes don’t have a dead fish cast to them.
John is led to scaffold 26/11/11 by his faithful retainers.
Anti-spam: sensible – Garth eat your heart out.
Jerry and Steven just manage to retain their lunch after John loses his butt plug.
Steven & Gerry – “Whoa, who did that? It wasn’t me. OMG, John what did you have for lunch?”
“Obviushly you are jokin’.
A substanshul pay rise for all those emergenshy
workers you saw me with lash month in Chrishshirch? No. No way.
Actchully they’re Gerry’s to deal with now… I’ll leave him and Steve
to finish this. I’ve got an expenshive dinner date to get to.”
captcha: over
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v235/draco1337/JK_Caption.png
LOL, its going on the fridge 🙂
Gerry and Steve keep watch for any movement in Keys pants. While the cloven hoof and forked tongue are easily disguised, the tail has proven both dangerous and highly erratic..
“Those two guys behind me scare the s… out of me.
Trust us we know what we are doing”
“If only I’d got the star role in “Coneheads” I’d be PM now, not him”
John: Quick, make sure you look concerned when they tell you about the catfood families
Gerry: But I always do that Rock-brow thing when I pretend to give a crap
Steven: I find if I just start to nod off it looks like I might be concerned about something
The three stooges.
“Do you know if there is anything which can be done to reshape the back of my head to become more rounded, as it is particulary flat?”
3 stooges? Never heard of them.
I would just like to inform the public that there is nothing to worry about… Genetically Engineered cockroaches might be taking over the World but they are still nutritious, eat them before they eat you.
Man like beer, man like friend, man like meat. Man don’t like green fence in background.
It is confirmed that Brownlee has been causing conshiderable aftershocks from running around and knocking down everything in sight, I sinsherely apologise on his behalf.
Why the F isn’t there a crumbling building in the background… Who’s in charge here?
There’s no such thing as a free lunch, unless it’s a cockroach.
“Boys, not like that..like this ..it’s my great big f**king puppy eyes look. They’ll love it”.
hooey dooey and looey.
And now introducing the new boy band sensation… The Looters. Hurray!
“…yes, good question. How do you tell us apart? Well… one of us is wearing a rug, one of us is not, and one of us is clearly fatter than the others.”
Their eyes were dull, their expressions flat, they had no charm at all
I didn’t show disgust or fear,
because peasants with pitchforks were drawing near.
Resistance is Futile
After a night’s carousing, John, Steve and Gerry thought they had got away with their three-way but were snapped this morning looking slightly worse for wear.
Ave you met my friends ? They only smile wen breaking legs
“See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil? No, not us, that was the monkeys – we’re the snakes in suits,” explains John.
Captcha- recordings!
“No Sir! I didn’t tag the fence, Sir! But hey, I’ll cut you a deal. See these two guys behind me? Well, they’ve got “guilty” written ALL OVER their faces, don’t they? Thankyou Sir. No, I won’t do it again, Sir. Two bags full, Sir. Can I go home now, Sir?”