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Caption Contest

Written By: - Date published: 12:27 pm, April 4th, 2011 - 89 comments
Categories: john key, leadership, national - Tags: , ,

89 comments on “Caption Contest ”

  1. marsman 1

    Sneaky,Clueless and Bozo.

    • Akldnut 1.1

      Beagle 1, beagle 2 & beagle 3.
      capcha “dangerous” lol

      • D-D-D-Damn ! 1.1.1

        Oh sweet Jesus ! Gerry’s got his hand on my arse !

        • D-D-D-Damn !

          Excuse me, dearie, I wonder if you could get your editor to call the police ? I’m being sexually molested by Lord Brownlee of Ilam as we speak.

          • todd

            Please excuse us, we need to go and get changed into our dominatrix outfits, we’re really going to fuck the country now. Ha ha ha!

            • D-D-D-Damn !

              Well, yesshh, of course I’m pissshhhed !, I mean I’ve been drinking heavily for the lassht 6 hours, after all ! But no worries – Gerry’s propping me up and Steve’s promised to keep an eye out for any early signs of diarrhea. I mean I hardly need to tell any of you in the Pressh Gallery that excessive drinking always gives me a runny botty, do I ? ‘Watery Bowel Movements’ is my middle name.

  2. browncoal brownlee 2

    Me and my homies ‘toad’ and ‘BIG Coal’ are putting out a rap album this year, the title track is ‘it’s all for sale’ and a second hit is called ‘smile’.

  3. Tangled up in blue 3

    Yes, we are out of ideas,  but a party without an opposition can afford to be.

  4. vto 4

    “No, Gerry dropped that one..”

  5. mcflock 5

    “ekshully what tends to surprise people at the end of the day is that I talk and Gerry doesn’t even open his mouth. Because you can tell he’s “mining my natural reserves” right now. “

  6. RedLogix 6

    None of us are at all relaxed about the colour tie Bronagh picked out for me today…

  7. Sean 7

    “Gerry and Steve both support me in recommending the new cockroach diet to those now unemployed in East Christchurch…”

    • Sean 7.1

      “… it would be the ‘Catfood diet’, but shipping catfood to Christchurch is expensive, whereas cockroaches are a locally produced resource in the Canterbury region…”

    • yup, eckshully we’ve decided to re-brand them as ‘self-propelled ration packs’ – we thunk it’ll go a long way to taking away some of the sigma

  8. fabregas4 8

    “No, I’ve done comedy, perveing, cricket, and modelling, now with SJ and Biffa B I plan to head a kinda boy band, we will call it the Evil Axis and I have written its first single based loosely on a Bob Marley song called “No money No Care”.

  9. Look – I’ve decided to come down hard on bullying – steve poked gerry first so gerry has every right to be very upset.

  10. fizzleplug 10

    John Key answers questions from the media, flanked by Ministers Steven Joyce and Gerry Brownlee. No-one knows who the fence is, but by the time anyone had noticed he was there, the photos had been taken.

  11. Olwyn 11

    Woop Woop. That’s the sound of the keys,
    Woop, Woop, of our new limousines.

  12. todd 12

    Yes! We all practice our concerned look in the mirror.

  13. Sean 13

    “All the men in cabinet have vowed not to wear pants, until the Rugby World Cup is won.  Ahhh, Steve – stop looking down.”

  14. The Voice of Reason 14

    Look it’s akchully not right that my ministers are as thick as two short planks. Look at that fence behind me for example; Steve’s not short at all in comparison and Gerry’s obviously much thicker.


    Ummm, Steve, I’m not sure putting me in front of a fence is akchully making me look less wooden.


    I’ve asked Steve and Gerry to be here because this is a matter of national importance, akshully. According to the chick from New Idea Liz Hurley has just filed for divorce, so that’s me outta here. I’m leaving Gerry in charge. Steve’s job is to tell Bill. And Bling Bling.

  15. Armchair Critic 15

    JK “Did you say whose toupee?  No?  Oh, who’s to pay?  For lunch?  Steve – he draw the short straw.”

  16. Salsy 16

    Watch and learn Joycey, glove puppetry might be a dirty business, but John knows how to take one for the team…

  17. Mac1 17

    “Where’s Mitch and Tich?”

  18. Bored 18

    Look, I only travel with baldy and fatty to make me look more photogenic.

  19. Irascible 19

    Chauncey Gardiner , aka John Key, gives an interview without a cue card and engaged brain to acclaim by his supporters, Brownlee and Joyce.
    The film reveals the truth about NZ politics.

  20. Treetop 20

    Hit a nerve there John, thinks Gerry; I just can’t look em in the eye thinks Steven; I’m gonna throw up thinks John.

  21. ianmac 21

    “Actchully, I am very very very s-s-s-er sorry for not looking after your New Zealand. Do you forgive me pretty please? Mmmm?”

  22. Tel 22

    Straw pig announces “new Christchurch houses are to be made of lawn clippings from rich people’s country homes” as stick pig and brick pig try to stay awake after a night in the trough.

  23. ak 23

    “No, no, Steven never said Gerry’s lies were an offence against humanity, he said his tie was in a fence in Canterbury.”

  24. Adrian 24

    ” Aw yeah, the food costis terble, we was just driving past a family eating grass on a bare patch by the sideothe road, so I took pity onem and got my driver to dropem off at my place cos I’ve been so busy been unspiratunal the bloody stuffs a foot high there”.

  25. The Voice of Reason 25

    … and so, despite Steven’s objections, I promise my Government will not raise GST on cockroaches this term.

  26. Sanctuary 26

    The future King Gerry I wonders if now is the right time to announce his coup d‘état.

  27. RobC 27

    “Yeah, Wayne asked us to come and look at the results of his cuts in De Fence spending”

  28. Armchair Critic 28

    This should have been a spot the difference competition.
    The three at the front are thieves.
    The one at the back is a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence_(criminal).

  29. Tel 29

    New Cereal Launch Press Release:
    “The’rez a problem with th’ Roach cereal we’ve just lunched. It seems as vough Steven couldn’t spot a Giraffe amongst all the roaches and axidently in-jested the free plastic animal. According to advice from our liars, poor people should take th box back and we’ll exchange it for free with a fresh box of weevil pops.”

  30. The Voice of Reason 30

    Our position on daylight saving? Look, it’s not up to the Government to save daylight. Daylight needs to take responsibility for its own problems, akchully, and get up on it’s own two feet and start looking for a job, not a handout. Gerry, do we need any daylight down the mines? Yes? Really? Well, there’s your answer.

  31. The Voice of Reason 31

    … doeshn’t give my opponentsh mush time to prepare for an election, hic …

  32. Richard 32

    Diagonal stripes on tie make man look fat.

  33. mikesh 33

    Can’t afford bodyguards these days, what with tax cuts ‘n all, so these two goodfellas will have to do.

  34. higherstandard 34


  35. How many times… it’s not ratpack – we are known as the ratchetpack

  36. Deadly_NZ 36

    See I told you we CAN kick em when they are down.

  37. Ms X 37

    “oh you wanted the truth?!!”

  38. cin77 38

    Not a caption, but that picture makes jk look like Dopey Dwarf

  39. felix 39

    Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
    Thy micturations are to me
    As plurdled gabbleblotchits
    On a lurgid bee
    That mordiously hath bitled out
    Its earted jurtles
    Into a rancid festering
    Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles
    Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts
    And living glupules frart and slipulate
    Like jowling meated liverslime
    Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
    And hooptiously drangle me
    With crinkly bindlewurdles,
    Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
    See if I don’t.

    • higherstandard 39.1

      I thought National were the Hutts and Labour were the Vogons.

      • felix 39.1.1

        The one on the right could be a Hutt.

        The one on the left with the unnatural fetish for building expressways is Vogon Commander Joyce.

    • Owen 39.2

      Cartooning can be used for serious purpose too – this example cruelly exaggerates facial expressions in order to highlight the undesirable personality traits in a thicket of thieves.

  40. Descendant Of Smith 40

    Blackheart Beagle with two of his favorite sons –
    176-671 the dumber one who often tends to foul up the plans, and 176-761 the food and wine taster with a special liking for prunes.
    “This is much easier than robbing Scrooges money bin – hell we’ve got a whole country to plunder and I only have to wear a silly outfit at APEC.

  41. kriswgtn 41

    The price of cat food is going down but there will be no gst increase
    omg wtf am i saying
    i need a drink

  42. RobM 42

    Well, look, again that may be the case, but yeah the reality is we’re, I mean, we’re deadly serious on this one, the NZ worker is completely fucked.

  43. William Joyce 43

    JK – “I’m quite relaxed about that question but I haven’t received any advice about that…”, turns to Gerry “…what do I think about ….”


    JK – “Earthquake in Christchurch? I did hear something about that – but there are always rumours around parliament.”


    JK – “Earthquake in Christchurch? Ha, well that’s what you get from the failed policies of nine years under a Labour government.”


    JK – “Cockroaches? You think they’ve got it rough? used ta live int shoebox int middle o rord….


    Thought bubbles….
    Steven : “I’d like ta git me a bita dat ass!”
    Gerry : “Spider pig, spider pig…….what! Did someone say cat food? Hmmm, cat food……oh look, something shiny”

  44. tc 44

    Nope that question’s not on my list to answer and bovver boy and bunter are being seen but not heard like the good lackies they are.

  45. RobM 45

    Freehand Telco, Darth Trader and Gerry the Rut announce Treasury’s new plan for ChCh’s PPP Death star. “Don’t make me destroy you” quipped a relaxed Darth Trader.

    • felix 45.1

      Darth Trader!
      You know what’s funny? No matter how many names we come up with for Key, none will ever be as nasty, as vicious, or as cold-blooded as the one his friends gave him – The Smiling Assassin.
      That bears some thinking about, innit?

  46. M 46

    Maybe if I’m good Liz will show me some make up tips so my eyes don’t have a dead fish cast to them.

  47. M 47

    John is led to scaffold 26/11/11 by his faithful retainers.

    Anti-spam: sensible – Garth eat your heart out.

  48. M 48

    Jerry and Steven just manage to retain their lunch after John loses his butt plug. 

  49. William Joyce 49

    Steven & Gerry – “Whoa, who did that? It wasn’t me. OMG, John what did you have for lunch?”

  50. logie97 50

    “Obviushly you are jokin’. 
    A substanshul pay rise for all those emergenshy
    workers you saw me with lash month in Chrishshirch? No. No way. 
    Actchully they’re Gerry’s to deal with now… I’ll leave him and Steve
    to finish this.  I’ve got an expenshive dinner date to get to.”

    captcha: over

  51. Salsy 52

    Gerry and Steve keep watch for any movement in Keys pants. While the cloven hoof and forked tongue are easily disguised, the tail has proven both dangerous and highly erratic..

  52. peterlepaysan 53

    “Those two guys behind me scare the s… out of me.
    Trust us we know what we are doing”

  53. Colonial Viper 54

    “If only I’d got the star role in “Coneheads” I’d be PM now, not him”

  54. Philoff 55

    John: Quick, make sure you look concerned when they tell you about the catfood families
    Gerry: But I always do that Rock-brow thing when I pretend to give a crap
    Steven: I find if I just start to nod off it looks like I might be concerned about something

  55. DJ 56

    The three stooges.

  56. logie97 57

    “Do you know if there is anything which can be done to reshape the back of my head to become more rounded, as it is particulary flat?” 

  57. logicroller 58

    3 stooges? Never heard of them.

  58. todd 59

    I would just like to inform the public that there is nothing to worry about… Genetically Engineered cockroaches might be taking over the World but they are still nutritious, eat them before they eat you.

    Man like beer, man like friend, man like meat. Man don’t like green fence in background.

    It is confirmed that Brownlee has been causing conshiderable aftershocks from running around and knocking down everything in sight, I sinsherely apologise on his behalf.

    Why the F isn’t there a crumbling building in the background… Who’s in charge here?

    There’s no such thing as a free lunch, unless it’s a cockroach.

  59. “Boys, not like that..like this ..it’s my great big f**king puppy eyes look. They’ll love it”.

  60. randal 61

    hooey dooey and looey.

  61. todd 62

    And now introducing the new boy band sensation… The Looters. Hurray!

  62. logie97 63

    “…yes, good question. How do you tell us apart? Well… one of us is wearing a rug, one of us is not, and one of us is clearly fatter than the others.”

  63. Jenny 64
    Caught in daylight three suited ghouls, were backed against my garden wall

    Their eyes were dull, their expressions flat, they had no charm at all
    I didn’t show disgust or fear,
    because peasants with pitchforks were drawing near.

  64. Deadly_NZ 65

    Resistance is Futile

  65. M 66

    After a night’s carousing, John, Steve and Gerry thought they had got away with their three-way but were snapped this morning looking slightly worse for wear. 

  66. Bob 67

    Ave you met my friends ? They only smile wen breaking legs

  67. seeker 68

    “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil?  No, not us, that was the monkeys – we’re the snakes in suits,” explains John.
    Captcha- recordings!

  68. Greg Salmond 69

    “No Sir! I didn’t tag the fence, Sir! But hey, I’ll cut you a deal. See these two guys behind me? Well, they’ve got “guilty” written ALL OVER their faces, don’t they? Thankyou Sir. No, I won’t do it again, Sir. Two bags full, Sir. Can I go home now, Sir?”

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    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Pause to Quarantine Free Travel from Victoria to New Zealand
    Quarantine Free Travel from Victoria to New Zealand will be paused from 1.59am (NZT) Friday, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins has announced. The decision follows updated public health advice from New Zealand officials and a growing number of cases and locations of interest. The pause will run for at least ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Hydrogen arrangement signed with Singapore
    The signing of an Arrangement of Cooperation on low-carbon hydrogen with Singapore heralds the start of greater collaboration between it and New Zealand as both countries transition towards low carbon economies, says Energy and Resources Minister Megan Woods. The cooperation arrangement between New Zealand’s Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Hydrogen agreement signed with Singapore
    The signing of a Memorandum of Cooperation on low-carbon hydrogen with Singapore signals the start of greater collaboration between the two countries as they transition towards low carbon economies, says Energy and Resources Minister Dr Megan Woods. The cooperation agreement between New Zealand’s Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Speech to LGNZ Conference
    Kia ora koutou katoa and thank-you for the invitation to speak to you all today. I would like to acknowledge Local Government New Zealand President Stuart Crosby, and Chief Executive, Susan Freeman-Greene, Te Maruata Chair, Bonita Bigham, and our host, Mayor John Leggett. I also acknowledge all the elected members ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Government to provide support for water reforms, jobs and growth
    The Government today announced a $2.5 billion package to support local government transition through the reforms to New Zealand’s drinking water, wastewater and stormwater services. The package will also stimulate local economies while creating jobs and unlocking infrastructure for housing. “New Zealand’s water systems are facing a significant crisis and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago