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Great political quotes of history – the Key version

Written By: - Date published: 2:31 pm, November 11th, 2015 - 28 comments
Categories: humour, john key - Tags: ,

Excellent piece on Newsworthy yesterday – Is John Key Gutless? Yes He Probably is TBH. Well worth reading for various reasons, but the best bit was these famous political quotes – as Key might have said them:

“We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.”
– Winston Churchill

“Well look, it’s not the first time our nations have had points of contention, but I will certainly be having a reasonably direct conversation on the matter with Mr Hitler at our upcoming meeting.”

“Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall.”
– Ronald Reagan

“It’s important we don’t box Mr Gorbachev into a corner. We can’t badger him. We can’t force him to change policy.”

“The hottest place in hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.”
– Martin Luther King Jr

“At the end of the day, I think most New Zealanders will agree that this is a complex issue and there’s no easy answers.”

“Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“Of course this is bit of a challenge for us, but we will be looking at whether they can demonstrate a bit more flexibility on this particular point.”

Pharaoh, let my people go!
– Moses

“Pharaoh, you know what, don’t worry about it.”

Perhaps Standardistas can add some more…

28 comments on “Great political quotes of history – the Key version”

  1. NZJester 1

    (Pharaoh, let my people go!
    – Moses

    “Pharaoh, you know what, don’t worry about it.”)

    With John Keys record on labour issues I think that should read.

    “Pharaoh how can I change the rules to better suit your needs.”

  2. Unicus 2

    How about the Standard running a weekly Key howler contest

    headed perhaps –

    ” LESTALKEY “

  3. rhinocrates 3

    JFK “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.”

    Key: “How much can I get for ‘my’ country?”

  4. NZSage 4

    Napoleon Bonaparte: “In politics stupidity is not a handicap.”

    Key: “What he just said”

  5. Murray Simmonds 5

    “I came, I saw, I conquered.”

    Well akshully, it was all Labpur’s fault.

  6. Hanswurst 6

    “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”

    – Abraham Lincoln

    “Thirty-four years ago or so… erm… I can’t remember, really. I think I was too busy courting Bronagh.”

    – John Key

  7. Red Blooded 7

    President Clinton : I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

    Key : I did not have txtual relations with Cameron Slater

    • Incognito 7.1

      “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
      – Mahatma Gandhi

      “Look, I cannot recall what hat I was wearing when I texted Cam.”
      – John Key

  8. Stuart Munro 8

    I have here in my hands 6000 pieces of paper… free trade in our time!

  9. Stuart Munro 9

    It is more important for a ruler to be feared than loved – which is why I defunded rape crisis…

  10. Grindlebottom 10

    Harry S Truman: The buck stops here.

    Key: Yeah, but I clipped it on the way through.

  11. Grindlebottom 11

    Florence Nightingale: I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse.

    Key: I attribute my success to this: I’ve always got plenty of excuses.

  12. “We knocked the bastard off” Hillary

    “I’m the off bastard knocking” key

  13. North 13

    Thomas Jefferson ……”When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property.”

    The Ponce Key …… “Oh ‘Munter’ you Tom …… the sole value of public trust is to hasten the grabbing of public property …… for the secret trusts of me and mine !”

    “For I am a devilishly greedy wee former ABs captain thingy you see. And I am Fabulously Rich-ie. Which proves my point-ie”….. (giggles effetely …… Hosking swooning).

  14. Grindlebottom 14

    Booker T Washington: If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.

    Key: Bugger off Gerry.

  15. Grindlebottom 15

    Groucho Marx – Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

    Key – Politics is the art of looking for opportunities, finding them everywhere, packaging them cunningly, and selling them off to the highest bidder.

  16. Egor the wonder dog 16

    According to the New Testament, Mary, also known as St Mary the Virgin, the Blessed Virgin Mary, Saint Mary, Mary the Mother of God, or the Virgin Mary—amongst other titles …Wikipedia

    K – Virgin? yeah right.

  17. Mike the Savage One 17

    “Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuehrer” must be John Key’s most popular historic quote, I guess.

  18. Potato 18

    JK- Blessed are the rich, for they shall inherit the earth

    JK- Well I visit a lot of places and cant remember if I’ve been to The Eye of the Needle but what I can say, is my government is doing everything it can to eliminate any red tape that is holding up building approval for The Kingdom of Heaven to widen its doorway.

  19. Augustus 19

    ‘It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.’

    Nelson Mandela

    “Let me sit there Richie! Can you answer that one, Steve?”

  20. Potato 20

    Truman – The buck stops here

    Key – Labour did it too

  21. les 21

    ‘Ich bin ein….Amerikaner’!

  22. Mrs Brillo 22

    Carl Sandburg: A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected.

    John Key: I don’t recall which hat I was wearing at the time. Or am currently wearing…but I’m relaxed about that.

  23. whateva next? 23

    “Someday, somehow, I am going to do something useful, something for people. They are, most of them, so helpless, so hurt and so unhappy.”
    Edith Cavell,
    or……Key’s version:
    “At the end of the day, I am not going to do anything for the vast majority of NZers. They are, most of them, so hopeless, so uninteresting, and so irrelevant”

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