Is Nicolson right for ACT?

Written By: - Date published: 10:41 am, July 13th, 2011 - 24 comments
Categories: act, don brash, Satire - Tags:

There are murmurings in ACT today over their new ‘high profile’ candidate, ex-farming guy who’s on the telly sometimes ranting about climate change Don Nicolson. The party’s current policy priorities are lower wages for young people, weakening student unions, and beating up on Maori and there’s concern Nicolson isn’t the right face for the job.

“Ahhh, yes, well there have been a few complaints” admitted Party Leader Don Brash, 70 “Some wonder if someone so young as Don, who appears to be 48 tops, will reach the groups we’re targeting.

Look at Sir Roger. At 73, he’s topped off his career by giving the youth a bit of a bashing. Although, to be fair, at his age its more like being savaged by a toothless Shih Tzu.

We’ve got John Banks running in Epsom too. At 64, he’s in the midpoint of his career. Of course, we’ve got John Boscawen too. We call him Baby Spice because he’s only 54, and because he’s the cutest of us, ha ha.

So, yes, Don is at the young end of things but I think any serious person would acknowledge he represents exactly the same reactionary, elitist old guard as the rest of us.

Frankly, my greater concern is what  if we get four MPs and its two Dons and two Johns? It would be be bloody confusing and people would make fun of us. Fortunately, the way polls are going, I think we’re in the clear on that”

Asked whether any of the party’s winnable list places would go to women, Maori, or anyone who isn’t an old rich white guy, Brash looked confused and then quickly ended the conference, muttering that he had to get home and get the corned beef off the stove.

24 comments on “Is Nicolson right for ACT?”

  1. freedom 1

    mmmmmmmm corned beef sandwiches with whole seed mustard

  2. toad 2

    But where does Don2 stand on the race war?  Haven’t heard anything about that from him.

  3. peter 3

    The good news is FF have reputedly found some more enlightned replcements:

  4. vto 4

    50 cents days the biggest case of foot in mouth in a very long time will spill forth in the near future ……………………

  5. randal 5

    act is going from bad to worse. donjuan is looking increasingly harebrained and don2 is just a sil creture manufactured in roger mutts lab for red herrings and pompous idiots. I read all don2’s columns in the dompost and most were just mush that were in fct a disservice to the farming community that he was supposed to be serving. it was trivial pap and a waste of time and space. now he is just cluttering up the political landscape and giving the right wing rags something to fil their pages with rather than discussing any substantive issue.

  6. richard 6

    Right wing…..check
    White male……check

    Well he is perfect for ACT.

    • Zorr 6.1

      Nah… he doesn’t tick the most important box…

      Rising from the grave to rejoin the ranks of politicians for the next election… FAEL

      • Deadly_NZ 6.1.1

        Its not the fact that he rose from the grave, it’s the bastard that pulled out the stake that needs to be remonstrated with.

    • lprent 6.2

      Old….. check

  7. freedom 7

    so do two Dons make a right?

  8. Policy Parrot 8

    It’d be interesting how many farmers will vote for ACT now that they have Don Nicholson – probably a few more, but many of the farmers suffer from a voting affliction which means that they cannot vote for anyone else but National.

    Also, will Don Nicholson, if he gets into Parliament, be ACT’s spokes”man” on climate change?

    • Frank Macskasy 8.1

      I think their voting papers come pre-stamped, with the ‘tick’ already printed besides National’s name…

    • Jenny 8.2

      Also, will Don Nicholson, if he gets into Parliament, be ACT’s spokes”man” on climate change?

      Policy Parrot

      I’m afraid that the answer to this question is no. Don Nicholson will become National’s spokesman on climate change.

      • Jim Nald 8.2.1

        Yeah, and then repeat something similar to the Brash-Sharples tv thing yesterday by debating with a Green Party member.
        National is tactically outsourcing debate to ACT, remember?
        Get ACT to do the messy, dirty work. Get them to say the things that Nat won’t say openly and keep Nats’ own hands clean.

  9. Kerry 9

    Pity. I was hoping to see more of Murray Champion.

  10. Frank Macskasy 10

    The height of irony appeared today in the Dompost: Don Brash cannot find any Maori candidates to stand for ACT.

    Now aside from the sheer ludicrousness of his ‘complaint’, it seemds strange that Brash is on the prowl for a MAORI candidate.

    Why does s/he have to be MAORI?

    I thought ACT opposed appointments based on race???

    • mik e 10.1

      hey frank it will be easy for ACT to pander to the gun lobby as they are so successful at shooting themselves in the foot !

  11. prism 11

    Cactus Kate will be a good stroppy woman for ACT. Picking people on the basis of public profile and awareness is very pragmatic and gives a headstart for campaigning. Never mind the policies, politics is about strutting the political stage, getting massaged in BMWs, and enjoying the food and wine when you don’t have to be in the House for numbers or seen doing public things.

    • felix 11.1

      I think you might be vastly overestimating the reach of Odgers’ public profile.

      In fact I doubt you could find anyone outside of the blogging community who has ever heard of her.

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