Sweet rides

Written By: - Date published: 10:22 am, June 1st, 2009 - 41 comments
Categories: john key, national, transport - Tags:


Lockwood's masculinity affirming Ford Falcon Cobra

A few weeks back, in the best traditions of tabloid TV, Q+A took time to mention Lockwood’s ride, the macho muscle car Ford Falcon Cobra – a car that screams red-blooded heterosexuality.

It got me wondering. I heard Helen Clark used to drive a Mitsi when she was PM. Boring. But what sort of cars would a blokey bloke everyday kiwi joker like John Key have? John recently gave away his Holden Commodore (the one he used during the election to show what an everyday kind of guy he is) to the local Helensville vigilante group, so he clearly isn’t relying on that boring heap for wheels. Of course most days he’d have the chaffeured BMW 7 Series supplied by the Crown to get around Parnell. But let’s face it, who doesn’t have a common as muck 7 Series anyway? You can’t tell me Johno Mate hasn’t indulged his inner petrol head with a few sweet rides to caress in his more private moments.

With all the millions John’s got, I reckon he must have some pretty sweet rides garaged somewhere and I reckon they’d make for a great car show.

I hope John does get a chance to show off some of his boy trophies to our msm some time. They’d love it, I’d love it and it’d fit right in with the sort of cutting-edge political analysis we’ve come to expect from our msm. Considering John’s need to be loved and eagerness to be seen as an everyday bloke I’m a bit surprised he’s been so coy about showing-off his car collection.

My guess is Porsche and Masserati for fun, Mercedes and Bentley for business and nipping to the shops. Maybe the Lamborghini for when he’s feeling like a special treat?

41 comments on “Sweet rides”

  1. Gustavo Trellis 1

    The Standard hits a new low. I can’t think of a worst post I’ve seen on here. Come on guys, you’re better than this.

    PS: It’s Lamborghini.

  2. gomango 2

    evidence for?

    “I reckon he must have some pretty sweet rides garaged somewhere”

    “his car collection.”

    and why is it our business? I put this crappy story atop the slippery slope that leads to Ian Wishart like obsessions…….. next you’ll be accusing him of shouting at his wife at home or his wife of being a lesbian. Given the muck Clark endured for years i thought an allegedly progressive writer would attempt to retain some vestige of moral authority. But it’s ok, Key is a rich prick.

    • the sprout 2.1

      that really is a bizarrely defensive response, i had no idea speculating on what sort of cars a guy might own is somehow muckraking!

      and what a strange, Wishart-like morality you have 🙂 when owning nice cars is tantamount to beating your wife or beating your wife is comparable to being a lesbian! hilarious.

      but the sensitivity is instructive. thanks bro.

      • Gustavo Trellis 2.1.1

        It can’t really be a defense, because there’s nothing in your post worth defending against. From the first paragraph on, it’s nothing but pure speculation, used as a weapon in your war against symbols of wealth. Have whatever opinions you might about the cars, but I expect slightly better than this from The Standard. The reason I read it is not because I agree with it (I’m far from leftist) but because it’s usually of a very good ‘standard’. This, however, is rubbish.

    • Heh you never know, perhaps he does shout at her like he was shouting at Helen during the election debates.

  3. tsmithfield 3

    My friend who is probably as rich as Key still drives the Datsun 120Y he purchased new back in 1974. According to him it gets him from A to B which is all he needs in a car, and has cost him very little to keep on the road since he has had it.

  4. mike 4

    Is that the BMW 7 Series fleet that Labour dished out to it’s MP’s

    How can we forget that infamous shot of Jude Tizard….

    Pathetic post

    • George D 4.1

      It was a mistake not to buy the Toyota Prius. Just another thing that led to the perception of Labour being out of touch. The Pruis would have made the Government look both green and egalitarian (in $35,000 cars).

      Everyone knows that expensive BMWs are the cars of rich pricks.

  5. calltoaccount 5

    Great post for a holiday and made me laugh.

    Having door-knocked, I know that image is substance. I’m sure the personal attacks the Nats indulge in were worth votes, I heard echoes of them on the doorstep. Key is wide open to this sort of approach, attack the guy from every direction, I reckon. (But Labour has principles, so maybe the post should be spun out into a humour section?)

  6. The Baron 6

    “I hope John does get a chance to show off some of his boy trophies to our msm some time. They’d love it, I’d love it and it’d fit right in with the sort of cutting-edge political analysis we’ve come to expect from our msm.”


  7. Bill 7

    Shame on you Sprout!

    I’m sure John could source the car to match his deepest secret dreams here.


    The January sale ticket would appear particularly fetching and apt.

  8. Akldnut 8

    Mike “Is that the BMW 7 Series fleet that Labour dished out to it’s MP’s”

    Good point but it begs the question since Nact are hell bent lowering govt overheads then why haven’t they downgraded their leased vehicles to something smaller, as functional and at less cost. Hypocrites

    • TightyRighty 8.1

      break fees on leases vehicles are horrendous as they take into account the reduced resale value of a vehicle. in the case of a leased government limo, which will undoubtably have extremely high miles per year on the road, the break fees will be astounding, maybe even 80% of the value of the rest of the lease. find something better to attack the government on, they sure didn’t arrange these leases. you can thank parliamentary services for that, if of course you couldn’t blame the previous governemnt. and this post is so stupid, the politics of envy is just crass.

  9. Johnty Rhodes 9

    Akldnut – probably bc it is under a long term lease agreement. Fuckwit.

  10. Below Standard 10

    What can I say. Totally below Standard. Have you got something against crime patrol groups?

    • Noko 10.1

      Crime patrol groups? I think you mean “Youth Intimidation Squads”.

      • Below Standard 10.1.1

        ahh i see you go along with that hypothesis that tagging is just urban art and petty theft is just juvenile mischief?

        • Noko

          No, graffiti is urban art and tagging is no more than a dog pissing on a fire hydrant. The move to restrict peoples (yes, those darn teenagers are actually people no matter what you’d like you believe) freedom of movement just because being up at 4 AM isn’t the social norm is dangerous to everyone’s freedom.

          If I wanted to go for a walk at 3 AM and have a cigarette, should I be intimidated by roving groups of people not happy with my personal choice.

          • Killinginthenameof

            Yes it does seem as if teenagers after dark are another group that it is seemingly acceptable to target like that.

            I was once harassed by one of these groups at around 3 am, on the way to purchase a fairly large feed from one of the groups sponsors, needless to say, I took my money else where, and letters were written, and no change next time except for him shining a torch in my eyes and swinging it at me.

            I always hoped I might be able to throw the geriatric driver such a menacing stare that he pops a hip or has a heart attack, but alas, I am no Judith Collins

          • Below Standard

            I did not mention anything about restricting someones freedom of movement, what i am saying is that if these juveniles are damaging others property then it is wrong, and needs dealing with no matter what hour of the day or night.

  11. marco12 11

    Amazing how many Nats delicate and refined eyes are so offended by a low brow story on a quiet no news holiday. Poor dears don’t seem to know they can skip over to the next story before their sensitive retinas are exposed to such horror. But so nice to see they are concerned about the Standard maintaining its high brow journalistic style.
    Looks like you hit a nerve sprout.

    • Gustavo Trellis 11.1

      That could be true Marco, if this were a story. It’s not. It’s up to the Standard if it wants credibility or not, but I can assure you that repeated posts like this do a good job of dismantling whatever remain of it. Bring back Tane et al.

    • micro11 11.2

      “Looks like you hit a nerve sprout.”

      No looks like you and sprout are cranking yourself sightless.

  12. Disengaged 12

    John Key owns a Mercedes-Benz ML350, but I think that is more for family duties. Incidentally he paid for it himself whereas Ms Clark’s Mitsubishi Diamante that you refer to was her self-drive car funded by the taxpayer.

    If John Key did own a Maserati (it only has one “s” by the way) I don’t quite see how that would make him a less credible PM. It’s not like he has tried to hide his personal wealth.

    Overall your post just smacks of jealousy.

  13. Rex Widerstrom 13

    What a curious post. Speculate about something on which clearly nothing is known, then criticise based on your own unfounded guesswork.

    Well since we have no idea what John Key owns or drives, I’ll own up and say I used to own a 7 series BMW. Drove it around Wainui… didn’t notice any jealousy from people though, because I’m guessing they realised that I’d been poor too (and, sadly, would end up that way again) and had worked heard to earn the money to buy it. I also used to spend an estimated 30 hours a week on pro bono work for various community groups on top of the 40 or so I spent earning enough to keep the car on the road.

    So just what, exactly, was I doing wrong?

  14. lprent 14

    Posters can pretty much write what they want. Poking the borax is on of them provided there is a point in there somewhere.
    Stirring politicians is one point. And storing the MSM’s trivia fetish is another….

    Personally I found it amusing.

  15. Kevin Welsh 15

    BMW = German police car.

    No longer exclusive or sought after. Plenty of other more desirable and exclusive motors out there for the same money.

    Nice piss-take Sprout 🙂

  16. vto 16

    BMW is the rich mans Cortina.

    ML350? Sheesh, those are even more boring than a mitsi or commodore.

    Personally I reckon Key should choose a Cortina. The genuine one. If he did he and the car would make a hell of a lot of magazine front pages.

    • Rex Widerstrom 16.1

      Ohhhhh yes! If anyone had a pristine condition MkV with low kms I’d have swapped the BMW for it. Best car I ever drove in terms of handling… the oversteer was perfect for edging round corners without losing many revs, the suspension seemed capable of keeping it on the road when by rights I should have been airborne, and there’s no way that much torque should have come out of a 2 litre engine, but somehow it did. Alas mine was a company car and I had to give it back eventually.

      I moved to an RX7 which didn’t have nearly the same handling and cost a fortune to keep running.

      Sadly Cortina owners didn’t, as a general rule, appreciate what they had so most examples are in appalling nick. If Key has a shiny well-preserved MkV somewhere, I’ll not only vote for the man, I’ll have his babies.

  17. Rich 17

    I’m pretty sure one of those public servants being fired by LTNZ might be able to do a vehicle search on their way out the door.

    But quite possibly Key travels by private (or RNZAF) plane to most places he needs to go. I’ve never seen him in the Koru lounge.

  18. burt 18

    Clearly when it comes to fast cars you can’t beat the old parliamentary vehicle fleet. Apparently they could rock along at 160-170kph and you wouldn’t even notice.

  19. infused 19

    My mum has a Masserati lol, and shes 47. I can’t believe the arrogance of the writers here some times.

    • The Baron 19.1

      Sounds like your mum hasn’t been paying enough taxes then, infused. maseratis are a sign of pure capitalist evil, which means that sprout here is probably lining her up for the chop once the revolution comes. I hope she doesn’t wear glasses too – she won’t last the week.

      How dare she enjoy the money that she’s siphoned off the backs of the toiling workers etc etc blah blah insert prent/zetitic type rant here…

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Swiss tax agreement tightens net
    Opportunities to dodge tax are shrinking with the completion of a new tax agreement with Switzerland, Revenue Minister Stuart Nash announced today. Mr Nash and the Swiss Ambassador David Vogelsanger have today signed documents to update the double tax agreement (DTA). The previous DTA was signed in 1980. “Double tax ...
    2 weeks ago