Key pledges: a photo-op a week for Chch

Written By: - Date published: 12:05 am, March 14th, 2011 - 81 comments
Categories: john key, Satire - Tags: , ,

Stung by Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee’s admission that the eastern suburbs had been neglected after the Christchurch Earthquake, John Key is redoubling his efforts: “For the first few days, I stuck my head down and got on with designing the emergency benefit policy but, with winter approaching, the people need me to return to my strengths.”

Acclaimed comedian, multi-millionaire and sometime Prime Minister Key has promised a photo-op a week until Christchurch is back on its feet.

“As Prime Minister, it’s the least I can do” explained Key:

“It was cool that Stephen Fleming organised his old cricket buddies for a charity match but it wouldn’t have been the same if I hadn’t made an appearance. Seeing me whack a full-toss from Warnie (he said I could call him Warnie, how cool is that!?) to the boundary would have really lifted spirits in Christchurch homes. Well, those that have power. And I bet they got a giggle out of my Liz Hurley comment, I spent ages working on it”

Key denied that such photo-ops were pointless:

“Do you really think they would have sold-out the Basin just to see some old cricket greats? Nah, they came to see me. Besdies, Fujitsu donated $100,000 to the Christchurch relief fund because I hit that four. Of course, Fujitsu would have donated the money anyway (imagine how churlish they would have looked if they refused!) and they could have done it without the palaver but we talked and we decided that what the people of Christchurch really needed was for people in Wellington to watch me play ham it up while playing a bit of cricket.”

Next on the photo-op list is this week’s memorial day.

“It just so happened that Prince William had a pre-arranged trip this week to Australia to check out the floods meaning it will be easy for him to pop over here. I can assure you that it was only a coincidence that we picked this unseemly early date but the stills of me and the future King looking sombre while inspecting the rubble will play get in the weekend papers, which, by the by, are great for layering between days in your long-drop to help control the pong”

Key was coy on future photo ops. He said he had something “really sweet” lined up for next week, “think: All Blacks and Zorbs”  and re-iterated his plan to appear on Letterman and Oprah to raise money, although those appearances “would count for two weeks”.

81 comments on “Key pledges: a photo-op a week for Chch”

  1. I’ve read the event raised $500k. That’s remarkable. Congrats to Fleming and all who were involved, everyone who showed up, played or donated – including the PM.

    I fear you’re missing the point. The people of Christchurch.

    Hold the pollies accountable for the stuff that matters, their administration.

    Please don’t waste any political capital by making ridiculous criticisms such as this.

    • Bright Red 1.1

      way to completely miss the point. No-one’s against a chairty cricket match.

      The problem is Key shows up at a match (that was already sold out before he said he was coming) and clowns around but does nothing of real substance.

      “Hold the pollies accountable for the stuff that matters, their administration. ”

      In my view, that’s precisely what Zet is doing. Asking where the actual administration work is.

  2. Odd, I commented, critically, on this post. Should my post have been lost in the either, let me again say this is a stupid post that entirely misses the point… the recovery of Chch.

    [lprent: Wound up in auto spam. Takes a while before I check in there, and I usually have a look to see why it got there. No reason in this case. ]

  3. Rob 3

    Not sure if they could actually get many more photo ops out of it.

    • Jim Nald 3.1

      Is John Key’s publicity team hiring?
      Comms people who lost jobs from Ryall’s public sector slashing can apply?

      A photo-op a week (including this week) and that makes 37 to polling weekend.

      Someone set up something online like an Excel sheet for bloggers to fill in?
      The sheet can be used for to record and monitor, in one of the columns, actual stats of Key’s photo-ops as well.

  4. Irascible 4

    As John Key would say” The Herald will give me front page holding little Willie in my hand, especially if I’m showing him my photo of Liz Hurley autographed by Warnie. (Mind you until Warnie can be convinced to authenticate the signature I could have signed it myself… Shane is, after all, another spelling of John, isn’t it?) That should distract the public from Double & Hide getting ready to sell off New Zealand to my Republican business mates in Hawaii and Wisconsin.”

  5. Double standard 5

    Problem with your beatching here is that Phil Goff was at the Cricket….even laughing….where he has been all his political life LEFT OUT ON THE SIDELINE!!

  6. And once again, Phil Goff had to watch from the sidelines …

  7. Nice photo of more socialist pollies enjoying the insanity of power. Must go as this Demo Man has lots and lots of work to do. Kiwi politicians wouldn’t work in an iron lung. What weak creeps!They all make sick!

  8. Bob Stanforth 8

    It would have been so much cooler if Phil In was PM. Imagine. He could have ridden a borrowed bike in borrowed leathers to the center, worn a really cool neck scarf whilst at bat, and not run but sauntered in that really cool Thunderbirds walking style he has fostered, stately like, between the wickets.

    We have so missed out as a country, heart broken we should be.

    Oh, and note to the site mods – you should check the speullunk in your adverts, that’s just shonky (no, not JohnKey, shonky, utterly different, just ask the voting public 😉 )

    • felix 8.1

      Actually Bob, if Phil (or just about anyone else) were PM he’d probably be too busy doing his fucking job to be arsing it up at the cricket.

    • Jim Nald 8.2

      That brings to mind shonkey-gate:

      Auditor-General must investigate Wongs

      Any updates on the creative arrangements set up by the Wongs to help fundraising for the Nats, the involvement of Shipley, etc?

      Just cos Pansy resigned from Parliament doesn’t mean what was done is all buried and gone.

  9. Pete 9

    This comes across not only as petty political bitching but also as bitching at efforts to help Christchurch, financially and spiritually. If ever there was a time for the country to show some non-aligned maturity together to show support for one of our cities in major strife it’s now.

    I wasn’t particularly interested in the cricket game (I’m following the real cricket in India), but it wasn’t for me.

    • felix 9.1

      Maturity? Don’t make me laugh. There’s important work to be done and this is all monkey-boy has to offer?

      This is not the role of a leader, Pete. This is the role of an entertainer.

      As I’m sure you know, his office has been working overtime the last couple of days trying to figure out how to get him on Oprah now that the world is focused on Japan.

      • Lanthanide 9.1.1

        It won’t help that Oprah ended her talk show (famously, in Sydney). Unless you mean the new Oprah Network?

        • Zetetic 9.1.1.1

          key was the one talking about getting himself on oprah. not me.

          personally, I think it’s awesome our country is in such good shape that there’s nothing more pressing for the PM to attend to than flying around the work to make fundraising appearances. Without a doubt it will bring in millions, just like how his stand-up brought in all those extra US tourists.

    • Zetetic 9.2

      please explain how Key’s photo-ops are efforts to help Christchurch.

      Whole point of the post is that Key isn’t helping Christchurch with these stunts.

      • Pete 9.2.1

        Do you live in Christchurch?
        How do you know that everyone in Christchurch thinks he isn’t helping them?

        I don’t think everyone is consumed by political hissiness.

        • Zetetic 9.2.1.1

          you’re right, they’re too busy worrying what is going to happen to their house and no-one is giving them any info. Not even an indication of when they will know and what will happen in different outcomes.

          I’d rather Key spent his time designing such an info pack for Chch households and donated another $500K of tax money. Wouldn’t you?

      • Jim Nald 9.2.2

        Our family friends and former colleagues who have been displaced from Christchurch said yesterday they acknowledge the turn-out and Stephen Fleming’s initiative but they were more circumspect about John Key’s ballyhoo.

        They said $500,000 is great but ought to be seen by the discerning public in perspective – how many houses will that rebuild?

        I said John Key’s monkey-ing around is distracting from the real work and decisions required from the Government about funding and rebuilding Christchurch.

      • Zetetic, he was part of an event that raised $500k. Had Helen been PM, she would have supported it however she could’ve too. Phil Goff was there and supported it. Can I also say, people enjoyed the event and enjoyed the Warne/Key element too. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that either. You’re being way too partisan and this isn’t the time.

        • Blighty 9.2.3.1

          How is it partisan to point out that Key’s doing lots of photo-ops and bugger all else for christchurch?

          • Paul Williams 9.2.3.1.1

            It’s partisan because the PM of the day should always be involved in this kind of event. Once you accept that, a post that criticises him for doing his job is either partisan or hopelessly misinformed. Surely you’d be alert to this since Phil was there too (and had he or Helen been PM, they’d have been involved one way or the other).

            For all means criticise him for substantive failings; the allocation of resources to East Christchurch, for his Ministers etc. But criticising him for supporting a major event such as this is ridiculous. Worse, it alienates people, like me, who think he’s a poor PM generally but can’t let this kind of criticism stand.

            • Blighty 9.2.3.1.1.1

              I’m quite capable of reading words that aren’t on bold, old boy.

              This post is criticising the substantive failings by pointing out that all Key is doing is photo-ops.

        • lprent 9.2.3.2

          Z tends towards the satirical, and frequently satires repetitive behavior. Click on their name and read his previous posts.

          I am pretty sure that he’d have taken the piss if Helen had done it as well – if she’d had the history of shamelessly chasing photo-ops. Since she was never known for selecting photo ops over the work she got paid for, then your points are rather moot.

          It is always the time for satire.

          Personally I am sure that the PM has some more effective ways of raising money and resources for fixing Christchurch than a frigging charity cricket match. Getting the debt in place to pay for sewerage systems come to mind

          • Paul Williams 9.2.3.2.1

            Z tends towards the satirical, and frequently satires repetitive behavior. Click on their name and read his previous posts.

            Lyn, I lurk here bit, I’m noticing a decline in the quality of satire. I’ll leave it now, I’ve made my point.

          • Armchair Critic 9.2.3.2.2

            Personally I am sure that the PM has some more effective ways of raising money and resources for fixing Christchurch than a frigging charity cricket match.
            C’mon LP, all Key needs to do is play another 39,999 matches like that and he’ll have raised the full $20b to fund the rebuild.
            AFAIK that’s about ten times more matches than the total number of international ODIs ever played, but whatever.

        • Bright Red 9.2.3.3

          the money would have been raised with or without Key. You can’t credit him for it. Tickets had sold out before he even said he was taking part.

          If Key wants another $500K for Christchurch, he could allocate it could cut the cycleway funding by 4%, or he could donate it himself.

          Don’t try to tell us showing up at a cricket game that raises half a million is the best the PM can be doing.

          • Paul Williams 9.2.3.3.1

            I didn’t say that, that’s a complete strawman.

            • Bright Red 9.2.3.3.1.1

              you are implying that him being there some how contributes something to the fundraising effort.

              I’m saying it doesn’t and if Key wants more money for Christchurch, he can easily find real funds for it.

              You know, in two weeks the emergency benefits for the 50,000 people whose jobs are gone or shut temporarily by the quake end. The government has said it ‘might or might not’ extend the benefit or replace it. If Key really wanted to help Christchurch, he could start by not making those 50,000 people and their families live in fear.

              • No Bright Red, I’m saying, not implying, the PM of the day should be there and that to criticise him for that is silly. His presence might have helped raise money, some donors want a photo-op with the PM, which is all the more reason why any PM of the day would attend.

                This is getting repetitive.

                • gobsmacked

                  Paul’s right.

                  It was a fun day, raised plenty of cash, and Key played his part.

                  It’s a valid criticism to say that while he clearly succeeds in this kind of thing, he clearly fails in the big stuff.

                  But it’s also a valid criticism of some of his critics on here, that they make exactly the same mistake.

                  Concentrate on the government’s substantive failings (and therefore the Prime Minister’s), and the public will listen.

                  Exhibit A:

                  http://www.horizonpoll.co.nz/page/106/new-zealanders-not-confident-government-has-adequate-economic-plans

                  Pretty clear message for the opposition there.

                  • Jim Nald

                    The piece is refreshingly honest and sharp. Well done.
                    The criticism is along the lines of Nero fiddling while Rome burned.

                    Rebuilding Christchurch, the immediate plans to help people adjust and resettle in Christchurch, and the challenging decisions and real funding commitment to be made, ought to come first.
                    There is still nothing remotely looking like real steps being taken or even real plans being prepared. But there are already signs of preparation for the next photo-op.

                    The piece is to be commended for raising criticisms of John Key in a satirical form.

                • Bright Red

                  The criticism is not of the photo-op but of the lack of anything else.

                  Why hasn’t Key given 50,000 Kiwis some reassurance about their future? Was he too busy practising his slog?

        • Colonial Viper 9.2.3.4

          Zetetic, he was part of an event that raised $500k.

          Big frakking deal, $500K is enough to tear down one wrecked house, remediate the land and rebuild it.

          One house. One property.

          Like I said, big frakking deal.

          Key needs to lift taxes and raise levies in order to secure $5B-$6B ASAP. Or, alternatively he could do 12,000 cricket fundraisers making $500K a pop.

          What will it be?

  10. Pete 10

    I don’t know that felix, and I’d guess that you’re making it up. Or do you have some evidence of that?

    Internationally the plight of Christchurch has been overwhelmed by the multiple horrors in Japan. All the more important for us to not forget what’s still happening in Christchurch and to do everything we can to keep supporting them there – a pity many attention spans seem to have flitted back to pettiness already.

    • felix 10.1

      Indeed, for example the PM who can’t find any better way to spend his time as the leader of our nation than playing cricket and meeting princes.

      Sad that those on the right aren’t calling for Key to do some fucking work when his country needs him.

      • Bored 10.1.1

        It might be rather nice if he were to roll up his sleeves, take the spray can and mark out the Chch leg of the cycleway!

    • Colonial Viper 10.2

      Or do you have some evidence of that?

      The cry for evidence always seems to come from the unimaginative who have no reasoning or logic.

  11. higherstandard 11

    They raised 500k for CCH and Key played a very minor role – which was requested of him by Stephen Flemming.

    There’s no doubt lots of thing to criticise him on but to have a go at him over this is pathetic partisan hackery at its lowest.

    A bit like arguing the rights and wrongs of the A bombs being dropped just after Japan has being delivered a horrendous earthquake and tsunami.

    • Zetetic 11.1

      I’d like the PM to be doing more for Chch than playing more than a minor role at minor fundraisers.

    • Akldnut 11.2

      Key played a very minor role – which is exactly the point.
      The cause was great but IMO the people of CCH would have better served had the great entertainer been at work being a great PM, instead he used it as a photo-op/PR exercise.
      More of smarmy, smiley Mr feel good.

  12. Pete 12

    I don’t care for celebrity type crap, but as higherstandard says, Stephen Fleming asked Key and others to take part in the cricket, they raised half a million dollars for Christchurch and showed they cared, so good on them.

    I don’t care for our monarchy either, but if the Queen chooses to send her grandkid as representative and, as I’m sure it will, it gives thousands of Cantabrians a thrill and belief that the nobs over there care then good on them.

    • Zetetic 12.1

      point is that the symbolism becomes the substance. All Key is ‘doing for Chch’ is appearing in photo-ops. Wouldn’t mind him playing some cricket if he also had presented the kind of plan Marty suggested the other day.

      You happy that the memorial day is timed for Prince William? Because everyone in Chch says it’s too soon.

      • Pete 12.1.1

        I don’t care when the memorial is timed, it’s got nothing to do with me.

        How do you know “everyone in Chch” says it’s too soon? I took part in a remembrance service in Dunedin two or three weeks ago, that wasn’t seen to be too soon.

        • Bright Red 12.1.1.1

          that was the national two minute’s silence genius. It was exactly a week after the quake

          everyone from left and right who has commented here and lives in chch has said this friday is too soon. how do you have a memorial service for something that is still ongoing? When not all the missing are accounted for and the dead not identified yet how can you hold a memorial for them? Why not wait until the emergency is over before memorialising it?

          I just see a huge contradiction in having a memorial service at the same time as a national state of emergency is still on.

          • Maynard J 12.1.1.1.1

            I see a contradiciton in having a memorial service when they’re unlikely to have named all of the dead.

            Some poor folk won’t even have official confirmation of the death of the people for whom the service is intended to honour.

            A bit disrespectful, to say the least.

    • ghostwhowalksnz 12.2

      Have you been following what Key has been saying. Its all a garbled nonsense. These is some big promises made but as the rest of the country found out after the election , and the west coast more recently found out, its all ‘aspirational’.

      Key hasnt a clue on how to set a policy in place and have it carried out.

      He has a habit of even forgetting his own ‘promises’ about 2 years down the track. GST anyone ?

    • Craig Glen Eden 12.3

      Unlike the Prince (Totally useless Figurehead) Key is meant to be Prime Minister ( His job elected to Work) Perhaps instead of waisting time in the nets he could learn his speech’s so he doesn’t have to learn them woooord for woooord.
      Maybe he could spend so time looking reading and understanding the papers he signs, then he wouldn’t have to blame others for his cock ups!
      If he really wanted to help the people of Canterbury he could donate a Million or two then get on with his job.

  13. Monty 13

    the bitterness and vile that you lefties write is a sad reflection on yourselves. Goff would do (and indeed he does attempt) just about anything for a fraction of the popularity that John Key enjoys. If you lot were not so sad, and pathetic, I would laugh at you. (Well actually we do laugh at you and your pathetic hatred and bitterness – God knows it is so self destructive.

    • Craig Glen Eden 13.1

      No one no leftie would deny or support Key being at the Cricket but he shouldn’t play. I dont pay taxes for a Priminister to piss about with continuous Celebrity photo ops. I pay him to actually produce policy and until he can actually do something that benefits NZ I want him to do his job.

      He is the most over payed useless public servant we have, do some work Key you useless muppet!

      • Monty 13.1.1

        such vile and anger – the publicity of John Key being at the cricket and taking the bat to hit a boundary was worth one company donating $100,000 to Christchurch. Not a bad efort for an afternoon’s work. Or is it the “Tory charity” you hate? Or is it the publicity John Key got that you hate?

        I would be very careful about criticising John Key and his work load. I dare say he works harder than any minister and probably harder than any Labour Minister –

        But keep vomiting the vile and hate – it is working for your guys. I think Goff went up in the preferred PM stakes to 7.2% as a result of your sterling efforts.

        [lprent: Haven’t you just said most of that in a different comment with the same words with very minor variations in this post? Looks like you added a paragraph.

        Repitition makes me to start watching you as a troll. Especially since you haven’t offered any reasoning or rationale for your various statements. In the assertion about Key and his work, there are no links. it appears to be a unsupported opinion being stated incorrectly as fact.

        To show you how to express an opinion, try this. John Key is in my opinion the most lazy and ineffective PM out of all of the ones I have known, and I have known a number of them. ]

        • mickysavage 13.1.1.1

          I would be very careful about criticising John Key and his work load. I dare say he works harder than any minister and probably harder than any Labour Minister

          Do you have any facty thingys suggesting how hard Key works? He does do more smiling and waving than any other PM I can think of but otherwise he is disappointing. He has a poor grasp of his portfolios, does not seem to know what his ministers are doing and the Government is achieving nothing apart from giving the rich undeserved tax cuts and watching the public service slowly grind to a halt.

          But what a guy eh, especially after hitting a Warney full toss for a four …

        • Rob 13.1.1.2

          “I dare say he works harder than any minister and probably harder than any Labour Minister”

          Well that’s not hard. There are no Labour Ministers.

        • Blighty 13.1.1.3

          you seem to be assuming that Fujitsu wouldn’t have donated the moeny if Key hadn’t hit the boundary.

          I believe ‘yeah, right’ is the saying.

          • Paul Williams 13.1.1.3.1

            If that’s in relation to my comment, that’s not what I said. I never said Key made the event, he didn’t Fleming did and clearly his idea, management and personality dragged in many many more wonderful sportspeople and personalities. I did observe that the organisers would benefit from Key being there since it might help get some sponsors on board. I’m not going to speculate what Fujitsu might not have done, I’m just really pleased that the did contribute and if they get a photo op out of that, so be it. Frankly, I’d far rather have a photo op with Gavin Larsen, that bloke’s a bloody hero.

            Someone up thread mentioned they could read without bolding… it’s not obvious.

            Hah, capcha is “whatever”

      • Jim Nald 13.1.2

        Alert – a RWNJ playing the politics of resentment and envy

        • Tigger 13.1.2.1

          Monty – pity Key’s got no interest in taking up a bat for the people left out of pocket by Pike River. See, that’s not a sexy photo op anymore, those poor mining families don’t make such interesting pictures as Key playing cricket.

          • Pascal's bookie 13.1.2.1.1

            Oh now I get it. When he said that in NZ we are our brother’s keeper, he meant that we are trying to stump him.

  14. Jono 14

    Yeah, this is seriously pathetic. I think it’s great that he played, as does I would imagine the vast majority of the country (except I imagine those who would become personally enriched/more powerful by a change of government). It was a really good game & raised heaps of money. Don’t be so miserable all the time. Boo hoo, the pm went to a fun game of cricket on a Sunday afternoon.

    • Craig Glen Eden 14.1

      Go to School little Jono, learn some critical thinking skills so you can actually have something to say that is not childish.

    • felix 14.2

      No-one cares that he plays a game of cricket.

      We care that all he does is play a game of cricket.

      • Rosy 14.2.1

        And I care that when there is an opportunity for him to talk about plans for Christichurch it ends up in him talking about a game of criket. He can play cricket all he wants, in his free time, but not displace media time that should be spent on the important stuff with a bloody game.

        • Jono 14.2.1.1

          Man, I would probably bet serious money that none of you actually watched the game.

          • Blighty 14.2.1.1.1

            I’m not sure how that enters into it either way, old boy. Because the criticism isn’t that there was a game, or even that Key had a cameo. It’s that there’s to many photo-ops and too little substance.

            • Bored 14.2.1.1.1.1

              Bugger Key and his photo ops. Every time from now on Shonkey does a photo op I am going to mentally blank it out with the wonderful miraculous image of the Japanese man rescued miles out at sea sitting on his house roof.

  15. tc 15

    Oh Monty that’s pure gold….key and his relentless focus on blah blah blah you lot are so gullable but then that’s no surprise as enough twats voted for him that loving feeling still lingers with some but not all.

    Wilkinson/bennett/wong to name but a few really hard working ministers…..lol wilko can’t even hide her cluelessness with some decent polly-speak she’s so bad.

    • Blighty 15.1

      how many jobs lost since Key declared he would have a “relentless focus” on them?

      To quote the Minister for Economic Development: ‘heaps’

  16. ianmac 16

    The problem with Key is he acts as though he is a sort of figure-head President. Which is why the photo-op smile and wave would maybe fit. Maybe.

  17. Irascible 17

    The Herald Online & Yahoo News – NZPA reported the match in much the same way as this article commented – they played up the Key talking dirty angle – Key sledges Warne with a Hurley… Key Hurley’s Warne…. yeah this is the level of respect that we should have for a PM isn’t it???
    Fascination with his fantasies to disguise his lack of substance as a leader.

  18. Murray 18

    It would appear that the level of waffle that apparently afflicts the Labour Party is spreading like a virus through the Fan Boys and Fan Girls of the left.
    The level of hysteria and unhealthy obsession with John Key that the left exhibits seems more to do with Labours standing in the poles rather then any real issues.
    This blog is fast becoming a nasty hissy fit gossip rag.
    As the Guest Post in Waffle says, You lot are so fucking fucked.

    • Fisiani 18.1

      You have given away the master plan Murray. The Standard is actually hosted by the National Party. many of the so called leftist nutters actually work in Nat party headquarters. It is so extreme in some of the comments and into hyperbole in making out that John Key is the epitome of all evil/laziness/fascism/indolence/wickedness/narcissism and falsehoods.
      This further confirms the self evident truth to all reasonable people that John Key is a good/hardworking/centrist/busy/saintly/self effacing truth teller.
      It’s a very effective strategy.

      • Murray 18.1.1

        Wow ! That is brilliant, It all becomes clear now. That Crosby Textor bunch really know their stuff. Imagine The Standard actually run by The National Party

        • Colonial Viper 18.1.1.1

          John Key fails, and no more National Government for about 4 terms. That’s how thin your ranks are. Why do you think Power left.

  19. Jim Nald 19

    Hey everyone, stop it stop it
    The RWNJs here are not impressed

  20. Colonial Viper 20

    lolz

  21. Maggie 21

    I wouldn’t mind seeing John Key fooling around occasionally, we all need some fun, if he was a serious Prime Minister as well. But he isn’t.

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