web analytics

Memo from Crosby Textor – National’s leak problem

Written By: - Date published: 7:34 am, December 5th, 2018 - 23 comments
Categories: humour, jacinda ardern, making shit up, national, paula bennett, same old national, Satire, Simon Bridges, spin, the praiseworthy and the pitiful, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags: , ,

Memo from Crosby Textor

To senior office holders in the National Party

As part of this firm’s intelligence gathering role we have kept up to date with New Zealand politics even though our professional services are not currently required.

We have prepared this memo because the New Zealand conservative movement has become a laughing stock throughout the world, even worse than their Australian counterpart. Scott Morrison’s favourability ratings are not as bad as Simon Bridges’ and this is not a situation we ever thought could occur.

It seems clear to us that the party is in melt down, shown by the number of recent leaks that have occurred.

In no particular order this year there has been the following leaks.  The list is not exhaustive.  They include:

Simon Bridges’ claim that the latest leak did not come from within National is laughable and mirror his previous identical claim which was also laughable.  This is even worse than his earlier claim that he used his prosecutorial skills to ascertain that Trevor Mallard was the leaker, a claim made shortly before he announced that it was actually Jami-Lee Ross who was the leaker.

And besides it should be abundantly clear that Ross is not the current leaker.  The possibility is that there are many leakers from within National’s caucus.

We always were concerned that the evidence supporting the allegation that Jami-Lee Ross was the original leaker of Bridges’ travel information was not sufficient.  We understand that he was, but the public justification was weak in the extreme.  We accept however that if Ross’s motivation for leaking the information was exposed it would cause further reputational damage to the party.

One final piece of advice.  There has been recent concerted effort to denigrate Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern on the basis she did not front up yesterday to Parliament.  She was in an important meeting with the head of South Korea. Such criticism makes the party look churlish and lacking in important matters to criticise the Government about.  We recommend that further attacks of this sort are not pursued with.

Should your party wish to engage our services again there will be a 30% premium applied to our normal charges given the enormity of the job and the potential risk to our reputation.

Under no circumstances should the contents of this memorandum be disclosed to anyone outside of the immediate distribution list. Any publication of it is bound to bring further ridicule on the party.

23 comments on “Memo from Crosby Textor – National’s leak problem ”

  1. Clive Macann 1

    Had to smile right through this on such a nasty looking day, weatherwise. Thanks, Crosby Textor Group. lol

  2. Doogs 2

    Somebody needs to put their finger in the dyke!

  3. Dennis Frank 3

    A well-compiled list there. Makes the Nat caucus seem like a colander: `you’re wrong, this container has no holes’. In that analogy, the water that is poured into it is anything that makes a rival Nat look bad.

    Conservative rivalry is big in the UK media currently but not here. We need more exposure. RNZ is being proactive: https://www.radionz.co.nz/news/national/377477/hawke-s-bay-feedlot-battle-strategist-hit-with-legal-costs

    Turns out that Simon Lusk has become a shapeshifter. The gun-nut thing has been displaced by the blue-green activist stance. “The Havelock North resident filed a case against the Hawke’s Bay Regional Council in the Environment Court in August, using evidence from a Waimarama farm which he said used feedlots that were damaging soils and groundwater.”

    Goddam polluting Nat-voters getting away with regional councillor collusion, you can see why he was pissed off. And now the bureaucrats are trying to make him pay for blowing the whistle!!

    • Graeme 3.1

      A lot of the “gun nut” brigade are hunters and fishermen, and very passionate about environmental protection where it affects their interests, like keeping rivers clean so they can go fishing. Unfortunately this environmental concern can be rather selective, not having fossil fuels for their double cab ute might be another matter.

      But Lusk has been very active in campaigning against dairy in Hawkes Bay and the Ruataniwha dam proposal.

      • Dennis Frank 3.1.1

        Well, good on him then. I wonder if he’s actually a member of the blue-greens. That would be useful info. The seventies Values schism casts a long shadow…

  4. veutoviper 4


    [Initially posted on OM but then decided better here.]

    RNZ is reporting that they have received a text as above.

    Fairly short so here is most of the report:

    ” … The anonymous texter, who leaked details of National’s internal polling last week, has hit back at the party’s leader who said the leak did not come from within his caucus.

    After last week’s National Party caucus meeting RNZ received a text message outlining details of internal polling, claiming there was a lot of disappointment among caucus members.

    Simon Bridges yesterday said the leak did not come from within his caucus, and would not discuss the polling numbers which were not as flattering as a recent public poll.

    “I’m not going to talk about internal polls, what we know is we’ve got a poll there that’s public, that’s 46 percent, that shows we’ve got momentum, you can understand there’ll be speculation and rumours.”

    He was asked about the internal polling, putting his party 4 points lower at 41 percent.

    “I don’t talk about internal polls, it’s a Labour Party trick.”

    After RNZ ran the story with Mr Bridges’ comments, it received another text from the same anonymous person saying Mr Bridges was foolish for thinking the polling leak did not come from a National MP.

    The texter offered details of what happened in yesterday’s caucus meeting as proof they were an MP.

    RNZ has been unable to verify the texter’s identity.” END


    And here is the link to RNZ’s earlier report yesterday with Bridges’ claiming the link of the internal polling did not come from a Nat MP.


  5. Nick 5

    Some natz working hard to oust bridges. Could the Standard run a poll?

    • Anne 5.1

      What is going on? There’s dissension in the ranks to be sure, but it looks like it’s getting out of control. At least three factions have developed and they’re all fighting one another? The methods being used are more brutal than Labour’s former spats but this is to be expected from National.

  6. greywarshark 6

    A 2014 piece from Chris Trotter that went into The Press then would make some relevant points to now. He quotes a *study on the USA by an academic there as well as from Nicky Hager’s book Dirty Politics.

    * The American scholar, Kathleen Hall Jamieson’s, Dirty Politics: Deception, Distraction and Democracy, was first published by the Oxford University Press in 1992.

  7. Michelle 7

    Looks like the leaker wants soimon gone who has the most to gain by this ?

  8. ankerawshark 8

    It must be hard being blue right now. Having to appear supportive of Bridges, where every fibre of your being is yelling Noooooooooooooooooooooooo

    BTW Simon why don’t you do another enquiry into who is the leaker, given the last one went so well………………………………………………….

    For those of us at the time after the report came out who queried it be Jami-Lee, good on us………………….

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Twenty highlights of 2020
    As we welcome in the new year, our focus is on continuing to keep New Zealanders safe and moving forward with our economic recovery. There’s a lot to get on with, but before we say a final goodbye to 2020, here’s a quick look back at some of the milestones ...
    3 weeks ago

  • Jobs for Nature funding will create training and employment opportunities
    A major investment to tackle wilding pines in Mt Richmond will create jobs and help protect the area’s unique ecosystems, Biosecurity Minister Damien O’Connor says. The Mt Richmond Forest Park has unique ecosystems developed on mineral-rich geology, including taonga plant species found nowhere else in the country. “These special plant ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 hours ago
  • Pre-departure testing extended to all passengers to New Zealand
    To further protect New Zealand from COVID-19, the Government is extending pre-departure testing to all passengers to New Zealand except from Australia, Antarctica and most Pacific Islands, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “The change will come into force for all flights arriving in New Zealand after 11:59pm (NZT) on Monday ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    10 hours ago
  • Bay Cadets learn skills to protect environment
    Bay Conservation Cadets launched with first intake Supported with $3.5 million grant Part of $1.245b Jobs for Nature programme to accelerate recover from Covid Cadets will learn skills to protect and enhance environment Environment Minister David Parker today welcomed the first intake of cadets at the launch of the Bay ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Cook Islanders to resume travel to New Zealand
    The Prime Minister of New Zealand Jacinda Ardern and the Prime Minister of the Cook Islands Mark Brown have announced passengers from the Cook Islands can resume quarantine-free travel into New Zealand from 21 January, enabling access to essential services such as health. “Following confirmation of the Cook Islands’ COVID ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Supporting communities and landowners to grow employment opportunities
    Jobs for Nature funding is being made available to conservation groups and landowners to employ staff and contractors in a move aimed at boosting local biodiversity-focused projects, Conservation Minister Kiritapu Allan has announced. It is estimated some 400-plus jobs will be created with employment opportunities in ecology, restoration, trapping, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Border exception for some returning international tertiary students
    The Government has approved an exception class for 1000 international tertiary students, degree level and above, who began their study in New Zealand but were caught offshore when border restrictions began. The exception will allow students to return to New Zealand in stages from April 2021. “Our top priority continues ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Tiwai deal gives time for managed transition
    Today’s deal between Meridian and Rio Tinto for the Tiwai smelter to remain open another four years provides time for a managed transition for Southland. “The deal provides welcome certainty to the Southland community by protecting jobs and incomes as the region plans for the future. The Government is committed ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • New member for APEC Business Advisory Council
    Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has appointed Anna Curzon to the APEC Business Advisory Council (ABAC). The leader of each APEC economy appoints three private sector representatives to ABAC. ABAC provides advice to leaders annually on business priorities. “ABAC helps ensure that APEC’s work programme is informed by business community perspectives ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Govt’s careful economic management recognised
    The Government’s prudent fiscal management and strong policy programme in the face of the COVID-19 global pandemic have been acknowledged by the credit rating agency Fitch. Fitch has today affirmed New Zealand’s local currency rating at AA+ with a stable outlook and foreign currency rating at AA with a positive ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Additional actions to keep COVID-19 out of NZ
    The Government is putting in place a suite of additional actions to protect New Zealand from COVID-19, including new emerging variants, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “Given the high rates of infection in many countries and evidence of the global spread of more transmissible variants, it’s clear that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • 19 projects will clean up and protect waterways
    $36 million of Government funding alongside councils and others for 19 projects Investment will clean up and protect waterways and create local jobs Boots on the ground expected in Q2 of 2021 Funding part of the Jobs for Nature policy package A package of 19 projects will help clean up ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand Government acknowledges 175th anniversary of Battle of Ruapekapeka
    The commemoration of the 175th anniversary of the Battle of Ruapekapeka represents an opportunity for all New Zealanders to reflect on the role these conflicts have had in creating our modern nation, says Associate Minister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Kiri Allan. “The Battle at Te Ruapekapeka Pā, which took ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Better care for babies with tongue-tie
    Babies born with tongue-tie will be assessed and treated consistently under new guidelines released by the Ministry of Health, Associate Minister of Health Dr Ayesha Verrall announced today. Around 5% to 10% of babies are born with a tongue-tie, or ankyloglossia, in New Zealand each year. At least half can ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Prisoner disorder event at Waikeria Prison over
    The prisoner disorder event at Waikeria Prison is over, with all remaining prisoners now safely and securely detained, Corrections Minister Kelvin Davis says. The majority of those involved in the event are members of the Mongols and Comancheros. Five of the men are deportees from Australia, with three subject to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Pre-departure COVID-19 test for travellers from the UK and the US from 15 January
    Travellers from the United Kingdom or the United States bound for New Zealand will be required to get a negative test result for COVID-19 before departing, and work is underway to extend the requirement to other long haul flights to New Zealand, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins confirmed today. “The new PCR test requirement, foreshadowed last ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • PM congratulates New Year Honour recipients
    Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has added her warm congratulations to the New Zealanders recognised for their contributions to their communities and the country in the New Year 2021 Honours List. “The past year has been one that few of us could have imagined. In spite of all the things that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • David Parker congratulates New Year 2021 Honours recipients
    Attorney-General and Minister for the Environment David Parker has congratulated two retired judges who have had their contributions to the country and their communities recognised in the New Year 2021 Honours list. The Hon Tony Randerson QC has been appointed a Companion of the New Zealand Order of Merit for ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • New Year’s Honours highlights outstanding Pacific leadership through challenging year
    Minister for Pacific Peoples Aupito William Sio says the New Year’s Honours List 2021 highlights again the outstanding contribution made by Pacific people across Aotearoa. “We are acknowledging the work of 13 Pacific leaders in the New Year’s Honours, representing a number of sectors including health, education, community, sports, the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Supporting seniors to embrace technology
    The Government’s investment in digital literacy training for seniors has led to more than 250 people participating so far, helping them stay connected. “COVID-19 has meant older New Zealanders are showing more interest in learning how to use technology like Zoom and Skype so they can to keep in touch ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago