web analytics

On the first day of leakmas …

Written By: - Date published: 8:30 am, December 10th, 2018 - 46 comments
Categories: humour, national, same old national, Satire, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

Overheard at a Press Gallery BBQ …

On the first day of leakmas my deep throat gave to me … internal polling for the National Party.

On the 8th  day of leakmas my deep throat gave to me …

Eight anonymous donations

Seven burner texts

Six MPs cavorting

Five policy proposals

Four allegations of bullying

Three talking points

Two official investigations

and internal polling for the National Party.

To be continued.

46 comments on “On the first day of leakmas … ”

  1. patricia bremner 1

    The gift that keeps on giving lol

  2. Puckish Rogue 2

    Conspiracy theory time everyone is dressed in dark hues or neutral tones so theres a lot blending in

    Everyone except for one person in bright yellow, in eye catching bright yellow, in stand-out-from-the-pack bright yellow

    One person

    In yellow…

    • Robert Guyton 2.1

      Big mistake, Judith – you can never get blood stains out of yellow fabric!

    • Red Blooded One 2.2

      Did she borrow Rodney’s Epsom jacket, Next leader of the ACT Party maybe, if Simon survives her Christmas barbie-skewing.

      • Puckish Rogue 2.2.1

        He hasn’t stopped the leaker and isn’t getting any cut through so he’ll be gone before the election

    • veutoviper 2.3


      I thought of you last night when I read Martyn Bradbury’s latest theory on the National Party on TDB – titled “I was wrong about Judith Collins …”


      • Puckish Rogue 2.3.1

        “Judith is winning more support in Caucus because she and she alone inside the National Party has a working relationship with Winston Peters which would be crucial if they want to try and win 2020.”

        If that’s true, and that’s debatable, the that’d make the next election v-e-e-e-r-r-y interesting and would make the leaders debates (which would include Winston this time) must see tv

        • veutoviper

          Personally I have never seen any indications that she and Winston have a working relationship. If I could be bothered, I would ask Martyn for evidence … Thought about it and no, can’t be bothered.

          As you say, it would make the next election and the leaders’ debates v-e-e-e-r-r-y interesting !!!!!!

          • Pete

            What do you think, there’s enough to get Nats/NZF combined over the line and Winston says to their leader Judith, “we’ll go with you if you let me be PM.”

            Or the same situation but Simon is their boss. What would happen?

            • Puckish Rogue

              “we’ll go with you if you let me be PM.”

              I think Winston is smart enough to realize that Jude will not give up the title of PM for anyone

              Knighthood sure, foreign minister why not, deputy PM of course, ambassador to Scotland to conduct fact finding missions to distilleries absolutely but ask to be PM and it’ll be her foot to Winstons arse quicker than he can say scampi

              Soimon…I don’t know, maybe?

              • solkta

                There is no way that National or Labour could let Winston be PM, they would look like a joke. Oh wait. the Soyman…

              • Draco T Bastard

                Knighthood sure, foreign minister why not, deputy PM of course, ambassador to Scotland to conduct fact finding missions to distilleries absolutely

                Don’t you just love the way that the RWNJs endorse corruption?

                • Puckish Rogue

                  Sure cause its not like Winston isn’t the deputy PM and foreign minister now is it

                  • Draco T Bastard

                    And how is that due to the type of corruption that you outline?

                    IIRC, Winston actually turned down National’s attempts after the last election.

                    • Puckish Rogue

                      Maybe, maybe not

                    • McFlock

                      Maybe, maybe not

                      Your honour, there’s no evidence I tried to bribe that police officer because he didn’t do what I was trying to pay him to do… after I called him a piece of shit and spat in his face.

            • veutoviper

              I don’t want to think of either possibility! Not my scene at all. I will be quite happy for the current COL government arrangements to continue and will be working to that end.

              • Draco T Bastard

                I’d be happier with a Labour/Green government but what we’ve got now is better than any government with National in it.

          • Michelle

            are you joking about Winston working with Judeath can’t see it happening

    • NZJester 2.4

      Yellow is the party color of ACT.
      Are they preparing to push her over to take over as ACT leader to give them a strong puppet party?

      • Puckish Rogue 2.4.1

        Winstons shown how much influence so few votes can garner and that’d probably mean two electorate votes and more list votes…

    • patricia bremner 2.5

      PR, a silent supporter of Act policy perhaps? Judith smiles like Scott Morrison.(AUS)
      He also backed “The Current Leader” until he became Leader.

    • Gabby 2.6

      Jaundice Collins puckers?

    • Descendant Of Smith 2.7

      Canary in a coal mine immediately sprung to mind.

  3. Kat 3

    All good, Simon said on RNZ this morning he has a strong caucus backing him and they are holding the govt to account. No leaks, not from his team. Maggie Barry is a hard working MP and has been cleared of all bullying claims and really nothing to see at all. Simon is planning to leave Santa a big tasty ham sandwich, a glass of milk and some lollies for when he comes down the chimney. All he wants for Christmas is a hearing aid and a large magnifying glass which he said Maggie Barry had her office request by letter to the North Pole but he denies this is using parliamentary services for National party work.

    • veutoviper 3.1


      There are some wonderful comments on Twitter in response to his RNZ (and other) interviews this morning here:


      Just a few quotes:

      “oh dear oh dear @NZMorningReport This man, Simon Bridges, thinks he can run the country. “Its binding. If it isn’t binding it will be eventually”. Espiner reads out the bit about countries maintaining sovereignty. “So if it’s not binding why sign”. aagh”

      “Simon Bridges says Christian education has a place in our schools because of our heritage. Are we also teaching Te Ao Māori wairuatanga?”

      “Just heard the most awful interview on Radio NZ, Guyon Espiner vs Simon Bridges. National now found indistictional from Trump and the GOP. Any one who can say the US and Australia have immigration policies that are “right for NZ” will never get my vote!”

      Hamish Keith @hamish_keith

      Simon Bridges would like New Zealand immigration policies too be like Australia and the US

      Tom @_T0M_V_

      How could any person with a shred of decency, look at US or Aus immigration policy, and see something to aim for?

      Hamish Keith @hamish_keith

      Well it was Simon Bridges


      “Simon Bridges says the UN migration pact could limit New Zealand’s ability to set its own migration policy. Anyone remember Peter Thiel or Kim Dotcom?”

  4. NZJester 4

    Maybe National should use the colander as their party symbol?
    Mind you I think if you put water in a colander it would leak less than National.

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Boosting our immunity against Omicron
    With Omicron in the community, it’s vital we all do our bit to help to slow the spread, keep each other safe and protect our health system. One of the most important ways we can reduce the risk of Omicron is to get a booster dose as soon as we’re ...
    1 hour ago
  • Equitable response to Omicron vital
    The Green Party supports the Government’s decision to move Aotearoa New Zealand to traffic light level Red at 11.59pm tonight, but says its success will depend on the support that is made available to the most vulnerable. ...
    3 days ago
  • How we’re preparing for Omicron
    As countries around the world experience Omicron outbreaks, we’re taking steps now to ensure we’re as prepared as possible and our communities are protected. ...
    6 days ago
  • What’s Labour achieved so far?
    Quite a bit! This Government was elected to take on the toughest issues facing Aotearoa – and that’s what we’re doing. Since the start of the pandemic, protecting lives and livelihoods has been a priority, but we’ve also made progress on long-term challenges, to deliver a future the next generation ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Tackling the big issues in 2022
    This year, keeping Kiwis safe from COVID will remain a key priority of the Government – but we’re also pushing ahead on some of New Zealand’s biggest long-term challenges. In 2022, we’re working to get more Kiwis into homes, reduce emissions, lift children out of poverty, and ensure people get ...
    2 weeks ago

  • Government’s Family Package continues to deliver for New Zealanders
    The Families Package helped around 330,000 families in its first year - more than half of all families with children in NZ These families received an estimated $55 per week more from Families Package payments in 2018/19 than in 2017/18, on average Families Package increases to the maximum possible Accommodation ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 hours ago
  • New Zealand retains top spot in global anti-corruption rankings
    Justice Minister Kris Faafoi has welcomed news of New Zealand’s ongoing position as top in the world anti-corruption rankings. The 2021 Corruption Perceptions Index released by global anti-corruption organisation, Transparency International, ranks New Zealand first equal with Denmark and Finland, with a score of 88 out of 100. “This is an ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    16 hours ago
  • Testing improvements see New Zealand well prepared for Omicron
    New Zealand’s PCR testing capacity can be increased by nearly 20,000 tests per day to deal with a surge in cases as part of our wider COVID-19 testing strategy, Associate Minister of Health Dr Ayesha Verrall said. “We have continued to adapt our public health response to safeguard the health ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    21 hours ago
  • 5,000 portable air cleaners for schools on their way
    As schools are preparing to return, Education Minister Chris Hipkins has announced 5,000 air cleaners have been ordered for New Zealand schools. “As we know, along with vaccination, testing, good hygiene and physical distancing, good ventilation is important in minimising the risk of airborne transmission of the virus that causes ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • New Zealand to move to Red from 11.59pm today
    All of New Zealand will move to the Red setting of the Covid Protection Framework (CPF) at 11:59pm today as Omicron is potentially now transmitting in the community, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern says. “Nine COVID-19 cases reported yesterday in the Nelson/Marlborough region are now confirmed as Omicron, and a further ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Mandatory boosters for key workforces progressing well
    More than 5,785 (82%) border workers eligible for a booster vaccination at 6 months have received it so far, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins says. “That’s a really strong uptake considering we announced the requirement the week before Christmas, but we need to continue this momentum,” Chris Hipkins said. “We ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • NZ to move to Red
    Nine COVID-19 cases reported yesterday in the Nelson/Marlborough region have now been confirmed as the Omicron variant, and a further case from the same household was confirmed late yesterday. These cases are in a single family that flew to Auckland on 13 January to attend a wedding and other events ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • New Zealand to provide further help for Tonga
    Aotearoa New Zealand is giving an additional $2 million in humanitarian funding for Tonga as the country recovers from a volcanic eruption and tsunami last weekend, Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Defence Minister Peeni Henare said today. This brings Aotearoa New Zealand’s contribution to $3 million. “This support will ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Quarterly benefit numbers show highest number of exits into work
    The Government’s strong focus on supporting more people into work is reflected in benefit figures released today which show a year-on-year fall of around 21,300 people receiving a main benefit in the December 2021 quarter, Minister for Social Development and Employment Carmel Sepuloni said. “Our response to COVID has helped ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Northland to move to Orange, NZ prepared for Omicron 
    Northland to move to Orange Rest of New Zealand stays at Orange in preparedness for Omicron All of New Zealand to move into Red in the event of Omicron community outbreak – no use of lockdowns Govt planning well advanced – new case management, close contact definition and testing rules ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • RNZAF C-130 Hercules flight departs for Tonga as Navy vessels draw nearer to Tongatapu
    A Royal New Zealand Air Force C-130 Hercules has departed Base Auckland Whenuapai for Tonga carrying aid supplies, as the New Zealand aid effort ramps up, Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Defence Minister Peeni Henare said today. “The aircraft is carrying humanitarian aid and disaster relief supplies, including water ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • New Zealand prepared to send support to Tonga
    New Zealand is ready to assist Tonga in its recovery from Saturday night’s undersea eruption and tsunami, Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Defence Minister Peeni Henare said today. “Following the successful surveillance and reconnaissance flight of a New Zealand P-3K2 Orion on Monday, imagery and details have been sent ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Aotearoa New Zealand stands ready to assist people of Tonga
    The thoughts of New Zealanders are with the people of Tonga following yesterday’s undersea volcanic eruption and subsequent tsunami waves, Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta says. “Damage assessments are under way and New Zealand has formally offered to provide assistance to Tonga,” said Nanaia Mahuta. New Zealand has made an ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Record high of new homes consented continues
    In the year ended November 2021, 48,522 new homes were consented, up 26 per cent from the November 2020 year. In November 2021, 4,688 new dwellings were consented. Auckland’s new homes consented numbers rose 25 per cent in the last year. Annual figures for the last nine months show more ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Report trumpets scope for ice cream exports
    Latest research into our premium ice cream industry suggests exporters could find new buyers in valuable overseas markets as consumers increasingly look for tip top quality in food. Economic Development Minister Stuart Nash has released a new report for the Food and Beverage Information Project. The project is run by ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Honouring the legacy of legendary kaumātua Muriwai Ihakara
    Associate Minister for Arts, Culture, and Heritage Kiri Allan expressed her great sadness and deepest condolences at the passing of esteemed kaumātua, Muriwai Ihakara. “Muriwai’s passing is not only a loss for the wider creative sector but for all of Aotearoa New Zealand. The country has lost a much beloved ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Have your say on proposed changes to make drinking water safer
    Associate Minister for the Environment Kiri Allan is urging all New Zealanders to give feedback on proposed changes aimed at making drinking water safer. “The current regulations are not fit for purpose and don’t offer enough protection, particularly for those whose water comes from smaller supplies,” Kiri Allan said. “This ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Planting the seeds for rewarding careers
    A boost in funding for a number of Jobs for Nature initiatives across Canterbury will provide sustainable employment opportunities for more than 70 people, Conservation Minister Kiri Allan says. “The six projects are diverse, ranging from establishing coastline trapping in Kaikōura, to setting up a native plant nursery, restoration planting ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • New Zealand congratulates Tonga's new Prime Minister on appointment
    Minister of Foreign Affairs Nanaia Mahuta today congratulated Hon Hu'akavameiliku Siaosi Sovaleni on being appointed Prime Minister of the Kingdom of Tonga. “Aotearoa New Zealand and Tonga have an enduring bond and the Kingdom is one of our closest neighbours in the Pacific. We look forward to working with Prime ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago