On the first day of leakmas …

Written By: - Date published: 8:30 am, December 10th, 2018 - 46 comments
Categories: humour, national, same old national, Satire, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

Overheard at a Press Gallery BBQ …

On the first day of leakmas my deep throat gave to me … internal polling for the National Party.

On the 8th  day of leakmas my deep throat gave to me …

Eight anonymous donations

Seven burner texts

Six MPs cavorting

Five policy proposals

Four allegations of bullying

Three talking points

Two official investigations

and internal polling for the National Party.

To be continued.

46 comments on “On the first day of leakmas …”

  1. patricia bremner 1

    The gift that keeps on giving lol

  2. Puckish Rogue 2

    Conspiracy theory time everyone is dressed in dark hues or neutral tones so theres a lot blending in

    Everyone except for one person in bright yellow, in eye catching bright yellow, in stand-out-from-the-pack bright yellow

    One person

    In yellow…

    • Robert Guyton 2.1

      Big mistake, Judith – you can never get blood stains out of yellow fabric!

    • Red Blooded One 2.2

      Did she borrow Rodney’s Epsom jacket, Next leader of the ACT Party maybe, if Simon survives her Christmas barbie-skewing.

      • Puckish Rogue 2.2.1

        He hasn’t stopped the leaker and isn’t getting any cut through so he’ll be gone before the election

    • veutoviper 2.3


      I thought of you last night when I read Martyn Bradbury’s latest theory on the National Party on TDB – titled “I was wrong about Judith Collins …”


      • Puckish Rogue 2.3.1

        “Judith is winning more support in Caucus because she and she alone inside the National Party has a working relationship with Winston Peters which would be crucial if they want to try and win 2020.”

        If that’s true, and that’s debatable, the that’d make the next election v-e-e-e-r-r-y interesting and would make the leaders debates (which would include Winston this time) must see tv

        • veutoviper

          Personally I have never seen any indications that she and Winston have a working relationship. If I could be bothered, I would ask Martyn for evidence … Thought about it and no, can’t be bothered.

          As you say, it would make the next election and the leaders’ debates v-e-e-e-r-r-y interesting !!!!!!

          • Pete

            What do you think, there’s enough to get Nats/NZF combined over the line and Winston says to their leader Judith, “we’ll go with you if you let me be PM.”

            Or the same situation but Simon is their boss. What would happen?

            • Puckish Rogue

              “we’ll go with you if you let me be PM.”

              I think Winston is smart enough to realize that Jude will not give up the title of PM for anyone

              Knighthood sure, foreign minister why not, deputy PM of course, ambassador to Scotland to conduct fact finding missions to distilleries absolutely but ask to be PM and it’ll be her foot to Winstons arse quicker than he can say scampi

              Soimon…I don’t know, maybe?

              • solkta

                There is no way that National or Labour could let Winston be PM, they would look like a joke. Oh wait. the Soyman…

              • Draco T Bastard

                Knighthood sure, foreign minister why not, deputy PM of course, ambassador to Scotland to conduct fact finding missions to distilleries absolutely

                Don’t you just love the way that the RWNJs endorse corruption?

                • Puckish Rogue

                  Sure cause its not like Winston isn’t the deputy PM and foreign minister now is it

                  • Draco T Bastard

                    And how is that due to the type of corruption that you outline?

                    IIRC, Winston actually turned down National’s attempts after the last election.

                    • Puckish Rogue

                      Maybe, maybe not

                    • McFlock

                      Maybe, maybe not

                      Your honour, there’s no evidence I tried to bribe that police officer because he didn’t do what I was trying to pay him to do… after I called him a piece of shit and spat in his face.

            • veutoviper

              I don’t want to think of either possibility! Not my scene at all. I will be quite happy for the current COL government arrangements to continue and will be working to that end.

              • Draco T Bastard

                I’d be happier with a Labour/Green government but what we’ve got now is better than any government with National in it.

          • Michelle

            are you joking about Winston working with Judeath can’t see it happening

    • NZJester 2.4

      Yellow is the party color of ACT.
      Are they preparing to push her over to take over as ACT leader to give them a strong puppet party?

      • Puckish Rogue 2.4.1

        Winstons shown how much influence so few votes can garner and that’d probably mean two electorate votes and more list votes…

    • patricia bremner 2.5

      PR, a silent supporter of Act policy perhaps? Judith smiles like Scott Morrison.(AUS)
      He also backed “The Current Leader” until he became Leader.

    • Gabby 2.6

      Jaundice Collins puckers?

    • Descendant Of Smith 2.7

      Canary in a coal mine immediately sprung to mind.

  3. Kat 3

    All good, Simon said on RNZ this morning he has a strong caucus backing him and they are holding the govt to account. No leaks, not from his team. Maggie Barry is a hard working MP and has been cleared of all bullying claims and really nothing to see at all. Simon is planning to leave Santa a big tasty ham sandwich, a glass of milk and some lollies for when he comes down the chimney. All he wants for Christmas is a hearing aid and a large magnifying glass which he said Maggie Barry had her office request by letter to the North Pole but he denies this is using parliamentary services for National party work.

    • veutoviper 3.1


      There are some wonderful comments on Twitter in response to his RNZ (and other) interviews this morning here:


      Just a few quotes:

      “oh dear oh dear @NZMorningReport This man, Simon Bridges, thinks he can run the country. “Its binding. If it isn’t binding it will be eventually”. Espiner reads out the bit about countries maintaining sovereignty. “So if it’s not binding why sign”. aagh”

      “Simon Bridges says Christian education has a place in our schools because of our heritage. Are we also teaching Te Ao Māori wairuatanga?”

      “Just heard the most awful interview on Radio NZ, Guyon Espiner vs Simon Bridges. National now found indistictional from Trump and the GOP. Any one who can say the US and Australia have immigration policies that are “right for NZ” will never get my vote!”

      Hamish Keith @hamish_keith

      Simon Bridges would like New Zealand immigration policies too be like Australia and the US

      Tom @_T0M_V_

      How could any person with a shred of decency, look at US or Aus immigration policy, and see something to aim for?

      Hamish Keith @hamish_keith

      Well it was Simon Bridges


      “Simon Bridges says the UN migration pact could limit New Zealand’s ability to set its own migration policy. Anyone remember Peter Thiel or Kim Dotcom?”

  4. NZJester 4

    Maybe National should use the colander as their party symbol?
    Mind you I think if you put water in a colander it would leak less than National.

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