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notices and features - Date published:
1:25 pm, October 25th, 2015 - 104 comments
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Listen here now little fella.
Let’s cut the crap now eh! Enough of the Neoliberal match play.
“I’ve come for the spare Number 7 jersey to wear for next Saturday?”
“OK guys forget what Shag tells you about team work and co-operation, that’s all socialist clap trap. It’s every man for himself out there. Then one of you can have all of the wealth and the rest can have a pittance. Sound good?”
Richie “You can put him down now, there’s a chap”
“Hey Mister when I grow up can I be big and strong like you?”
“I am not sure that Hobbits ever grow up son”
I’ve never met a manlet….
All was going well for Gulliver, until he met the leader of the Lilliputians.
“Oi, Pinocchio! You seen a guy with some magic beans around here?”
Sorry, what’s your name again little man? or…
John Key is beLittled.
Er hello Sam….I think I just **** my pants!
McCaw looks on happy to be benched.
Help! Help! This giant is crushing my tiny man-hand
This isn’t your chicken feeding hand is it?
This isn’t your chicken feeding hand is it ?
Well that settles the limits on Key’s size.
According to the photo he is bigger than McCaw and smaller than Whitelock.
That camera lens must have been as warped as the one they used for the pledge card snap.
he’s a little dude, barely scraping 5 feet
Even more warped 🙂
Ha ha, look fellas, the creepy slimy stalking toad has turned up!
Throw him back into the murky pond from where he came!
Figure 1: Feeding too many chickens can reduce your stature.
Ha haa
🙂
@rOb…this could be true
http://catholicbridge.com/catholic/masturbation.php
http://www.fortressbody.com/questions/masturbation-and-working-out/
“Well… [ limp flapping wrist]… honey what can I say to that ?!”
If you take a knight hood Sammy I’ll stop tweeting Richie I promise.
I think this was the one FJK was shooting for, prepare to cringe
Lol. Just about hear Richie saying “flipping heck, give him a beer and ignore him and he might go away!” Notice key is only one drinking.
Key is living out his middle aged male fantasy. #JKLovePoetry
Pretty sure that sponsors and fans are getting sick of FJK’s face popping up next to Richie all the time, what a try-hard tosspot
I can’t help feeling that the French cuff is not working here.
The stuff of JK’s fevered dreams
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZnoQjnhCiMc/VeYwUN8H4HI/AAAAAAAAD0M/HVVetixpqX4/s1600/Branding-Exercise.jpg
Definition of a pervert … let me see …
Has a ponytail fetish
Stalks rugby captains
Enjoys being questioned about personal dirty little habits
Loves to hang around rugby players’ change rooms
Hmmm …. anyone come to mind?
Well Johnny Boy, now you’ve sent your first dick pic mate.
It’s Richie’s little mate from the adverts!
I hope John Oliver sees this photo. Who else has a Hobbit for a pm? What a dick. Bet he was in the sheds before the ab’s so he could bags the seat next to Richie before anyone else.
“Anybody want a peanut?”
‘
“Hi John. Look, would you mind please if we all took our showers first, this time?”
I promise I won’t pee in the shower. Pretty please….
Sorry. No quip. Just seen pic for first time. I’m flabbergasted. So the Key dick actually gatecrashed their changing room? I can’t believe its for real. How embarrassing. John Oliver is going to love this.
Who gives a continental what John Oliver thinks ? Apart from left wing tragics
He is the leader of the country wether you like it or not, why should he not congratulate the team on behalf of the country It looks like he presence is appreciated
Again a clear demonstration of jk living rent free in many of your heads
No-one gives a continental what you think oh ‘delusioned’ one. He maybe the leader (more fool the voters) but he ain’t no leader. He’s a philistine and I put you in the same bracket.
Have some grammar lessons and learn how to spell and you too can be like us.
… may be…
Oh I am devastated Ann by your put down I thank the lord every day that i am not part of your little collective, a life of bitterness glass half empty, , whinging and moaning is not for me, nor is an unhealthy fixation on one man that borders on psychotic
Take labour day to reflect, it does not have to be that way
You spend most of your time here, whinging and whining about opinions that no-one actually holds.
So there’s that.
Instead of vomiting another fact-free rant, you should be thanking union activists for your day off today.
You cant help being self deluded in your own nest and think that you hold the upper ground thats until it falls under your feet
Others know what it cost the workers of this nation to keep that Key pricks crimes paid in full
Make no mistake Key is here to balance his books not ours
And just like his mentor Douglas will live off this nation and return SFA except delusion like yours
Do you think Labour should also get free election advertising throughout the rugby season? The problem is JK lives “rent-free” in the head of the average kiwi, enabled by fawning media and useful idiots like yourself.
Sorry if we are puncturing your JK fantasy world.
Redetc. Cue violins.
The SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE
‘After handshakes, we sniff people’s scent on our hand’
https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn27070-after-handshakes-we-sniff-peoples-scent-on-our-hand/
“What a luxurious beard you have…”
Keys gets introduced to PM McCaws body guard
Look PM, I don’t fecking care…….i am off for a beer……i don’t care about fern flag or hobbit on a flag..PO
Ok you fucker I have been writing to you for ages about the lack of apprenticeships, zero hr contracts, the housing crisis and global warming.
Yet u dint reply…
NJow you will step outside with me!
McCaw, other teams get groupies and we are stuck with this idiot……..
this cannot continue!
This is your last warning, you show up here next weekend…..and I will make you wish you’re in opposition!
Christ! Paula!
What happened? New Treatment went wrong again?
Oh please please, pretty please,,,,,Next week can i lead the haka!?
I have seen your photographs in the papers……yet who the feck are you again?
Hi My name is Keys, John Keys, I have this idea i am foisting, I mean giving the nation a choice on, would you like to be the flagpole?
McCaw: Its ok Fellas, he keeps following me around, don’t worry, after a bit he disappears up his own arse..or buggers off to play golf…
I haven’t got my contacts in..yet if your the the fourth official who put me in the bin..you are so dead
Christ, I wouldn’t have believed till I saw you PM,,,,,,You make Trumps hair, look real…you slap head!
Ok, we unlucky five have to shake hands with you….whilst the rest of the team is with your wife,,,,,the sacrifices we make Richie!
MCaw..Really fellas, You have no idea……..your complaining that he is here now,,back home he follows me around….. the month before last he was sleeping in my dustbin
McCaw..Really fellas, You have no idea……..you’re complaining that he is here now,,back home he follows me around….. the month before last he was sleeping in my dustbin
You come in here, and call yourself an All Black with that white shirt?! Right I am gonna break yr pulse for that….
Who’s is this again Richie?
Ok Fellas……bad news…..we are gonna loose next week…..good news,,,,,,,he wont be here!
yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
No I wont caddy for you!!!
Ok Fellas, look at this way……..i know its hard having him around..yet whilst he’s here he ain’t doing any damage at home!
And what exactly is in the TPPA for me prime minister?
Nonu: That’s it,,,,,,,i have listened to his BS, shaken his hand for his PR selfies,,,,,,,yet FFS,,,,,,,he just let rip an awful little fart,,that’s so disgusting I am out of here
Christ PM…..you look even smaller in real life.
Oh Fellas, not again,,,You cant leave me alone with him………..no,,pleaseeee…..the rest of you come back, Please……….
all he does is talk about golf and politics
No PM, I am not joking,,,,if you ever touch my daughters ponytail….I will detach this arm i am holding..got it?
good!
MCaw…No, Dan,,don;t break out the beers,,,,,,otherwise will never get rid of the fecking klingon
You haven’t heard the worst of it ….we are all invited to his holiday home in Hawaii………………………………..where are you all going?????
Don’t leave me alone with him!!!!!
No Pm, when I get done by the law I have to pay the penalty of spending 10 mins in the bin..
When you break our laws,,,,,,,nothing happens.
Yes PM…..Yet you do know what they say about the size of a blokes shoes and other parts of his body..so that makes you even more insignificant
No,,,,,Please let me get this for myself…….You’re the 4th official? No, ermmmm the president of South Africa? no, ermmmmmmmm the head of the organizing committee? no?
Ok i give up, who are you?
http://static.commentcamarche.net/es.ccm.net/pictures/Ud6krzOUaQiVrbx4IWkuzUrMD8vWr4qbG1wMtmWKQ94r7Doi6fybXXnACJoLFtKR-lol.png
Pleased to meet you Mr Pee M, you’re quite a wee man. I heard you’re a water boy.
“Fuck off Key. What the hell are you doing in our changing rooms? And one more thing: if you come NEAR my little girl I’ll rip your smug head off.”
Just tweet Go Nats on Election day, you will be rewarded!
Don’t worry about any negative consequences, the Nats will ensure you just get a slap on the hand with a wet bus ticket (if that).
Here Richie, I got you this John Key action figure. It does fuck all and I would’nt put it anywhere near your moneybox or Barbie, it can pull a ponytail with one hand and feed the chickens with the other.
lol 🙂
lol…very good!
excellent jag, well done.
Generally I’m in favour of photo-ops but, hey, this is embarassing.
Jack (Key) to the giant, “just give me the golden goose (rugby cup) and I’m off.”
Today’s Tremain
http://static1.squarespace.com/static/52aca146e4b06d986ca82df3/52c0ec1ce4b0f4346e9358a5/562c82ffe4b0c83a2e6d445f/1445757730260/toadyW.jpg?format=750w
sort of says it all
Keys probably pissed cairns got caught ,he would of made a great national mp.
Yes clears the throat when you try to laugh knowing if Key will have CT trying to spin an advantage out of Cairns. Just how gullible does he think we are.
Wouldn’t it be great if it was boxing for charity!
Wonderful!
And Toby Manhire’s article for The Spinoff is also great – especially the compilation of photos of Key looking adoringly at Richie.
https://t.co/fIkT4sjalj
Sportsfreak’s comment in this twitter thread is priceless!
https://twitter.com/Sportsfreakconz/status/658456897075331072
Great link, Manhire is a national treasure
+100…the photos are embarrassing!… i wonder what the All Blacks really think about jonkey
Now that’s clever. 🙂
Havent laughed inside so much for ages, whole article a masterpiece
All Blacks drug rested after being seen with JunKey.
Bruce, John, John this is Bruce. Bruce would like you to explain about how you glommed his dad’s money through Equiticorp.
Forget smile and wave, meet microwave.
“Fee, fi, fo, fum. I smell the blood of a charlatan.”
“Yes Mr Whitelock I will remember to shake hands properly and leave ponytails alone, just dont break my hand”
Keiran :Jez Sam give him a break
Richie :You can let him go now Sam
” Oh, the Prime Minister, geez Ritchie I thought he was one of the ball boys”