web analytics

ImperatorFish: Unity!

Written By: - Date published: 11:59 am, January 12th, 2014 - 22 comments
Categories: humour, parody, Satire - Tags:

IF from the editorThere was a overwhelming compulsion to reproduce ImperatorFishs powerful message of unity for the left. No violence was involved, and despite rumours to the contrary, it was not sympathy for his tortured tale of a blogger and lawyer who was forced to enjoy himself at a beach house on the Coromandel. Being compelled to drink Signature brand tonic water was a disturbing concept that should have never been raised in a civilised society.

It’s not always easy being a highly successful and respected blogger of the left, let me tell you. A lot of people envy my success, but too many of them turn envy to bitterness. I have worked hard to get where I am today, but it doesn’t matter to those people. They hate me because I have something to say and I say it more powerfully than they can.

But that doesn’t matter, because I’m not going to play their game anymore. We on the left have a problem, and it’s a problem that very often keeps us from achieving the change we all so desperately want. Those fat cats on the right are cutting taxes, slashing welfare and institutionalising poverty for tens of thousands of ordinary New Zealanders, while we’re arguing and bickering over who on the left has the most utopian vision of the future. We need to be working together, not against one another!

So I’m turning over a new leaf. Call it my new year’s resolution, if you will. I’ve never fully understood why so many on the left feel the need to take potshots at me, but from now on I’m not going to fire back. I’m focusing on the future, and on working together with others on the left for victory.

So I don’t care about the poison being written by Josie Pagani about me, and I’m not going to let it affect me. This year I’m all about the love, which is why the writings of demented class traitors like Pagani just don’t matter. I’m focusing on what we have in common, rather than on the noxious opinions of that traitor and monster, which is why I won’t be making any more comments about that awful woman. I’m not going to play the old divide-and-lose game anymore. We must unite and stand together! So it doesn’t matter to me what terrible things that woman has said on that fascist radio station she speaks on occasionally, or what treasonous bile she has written on that site Pundit (yes, apparently that site still exists! But look how little traffic they get compared to my site. Why do they bother?).

2014 is an election year, and we need to be working together, not fighting amongst ourselves. So I offer you a truce, Josie Pagani. Let’s not fight like this. It doesn’t matter to me that you represent all that is wrong in the world, and that your failure to see the true path marks you as a despicable class traitor. We are still both of the left, even if you are most probably secretly working for the fascist right. Let’s work for victory in 2014.

I heard someone say “I don’t agree with anything Josie Pagani says about the Labour Party, but she seems like a nice person.” What demented tosh! How can anyone who takes issue with me or disagrees with me in any way be even remotely human? The fact that I am prepared to work with a diabolical creature of pure evil like Pagani demonstrates how determined I am for the left to win in 2014.

Some people in the past have accused me of hypocrisy in my calls for unity. They have criticised me for being abusive towards others on the left. But that’s simply untrue! I have always worked hard for the left, because I learned long ago that the only way to beat the right is to unite and stand together in solidarity. That’s why I sometimes get so angry when people accuse me of attacking others on the left. My reputation is important to me, so please let me know if you hear of anyone out there on the blogosphere attacking me or my reputation, so I can take action against the poisonous class traitors.

I am utterly determined to make 2014 the year the left returns to power. You won’t see any friendly fire from me this year, not even against that malicious wrecker and closet Tory, Josie Pagani. I also won’t be making any attacks on the pond slime over at The Standard, and I vow to remain on friendly terms with the evil Russell Brown and his parasitic legion of followers at Public Address. And I won’t hear a single bad word said about that notorious villain and necromancer Giovanni Tiso.

So let us march in line towards victory, behind me, for I see the clearly the path we must follow. Only with unity and discipline can we win power and send these Tories back into opposition.

There will be plenty of time for debate about what we do with our power once we win it. That will also be the time to mend fences. Preferably using as building materials the bones of anyone who has wronged me, or disagreed with me in any way over any minor thing.

But for now, people, let us all unite. Your disgusting attitudes, your demented political views, and your purely Nazi ideology don’t matter to me, you despicable worthless scum, because we all want the same thing: victory for the left in 2014.

22 comments on “ImperatorFish: Unity!”

  1. QoT 1

    I confess, I snorted.

  2. veutoviper 2

    Brilliant! Waiting, waiting, waiting …………

  3. Tim 4

    Well there ya go – the reason IF is so good. Cynicism is great – indeed needed! – just as long as one can be just as cynical about oneself as they are others.
    …. of course, that’s something that evil bitch Paganini is incapable of :p. And as for her husband …. Geeez!
    ….. Oh plus she drives that fuckin awful status symbol on a bloody fishing licence!

  4. Will@Welly 5

    The sabre has been sharpened, the blunderbuss has fresh powder and ball, the battlements are manned, and the archers quivers are brim-full of arrows ready to fly straight to those causing disarray.
    The computer’s been purged of any miscreants that could cause it to crash, to get a virus, or to download some obnoxious email purporting to be friendly when we all know it’s some solicitous deviant just wanting to wind us up.
    As for the article, I simply doff my hat to your magnificence. Let the games begin.

  5. greywarbler 6

    Imperious Fishfingers, fall on those keys and Go for it.

  6. tricledrown 7

    Pagani is our Palin
    Hopefully palin into insignfigance.

  7. ianmac 8

    Wasn’t every person on board the Titanic united to a common purpose regardless of colour or creed? They ignored the trashy others who were on board didn’t they?
    But look what happened to them. Nearly all sank without trace into the chilly waters of obscurity.
    So. Be careful who you board with!

  8. I also won’t be making any attacks on the pond slime over at The Standard…

    Doesn’t this violate “policy”?

    Attacking the blog site, or attributing a mind to a machine (ie talking about The Standard as if it had an opinion), or trying to imply that the computer that runs the site has some kind of mind control over authors and commentators is not allowed.

    Or maybe he was just referring to Mickey Savage … .

    • lprent 9.1

      Doesn’t this violate “policy”?

      Ummm shouldn’t there be some encouragement of science even amongst the legal eagles?

      Pond scum is a generic term for a variety of organisms – mostly algae. While it is a generic term often used as a pejorative (like the word “lawyers” or “used car salesmen”), it refers to a collection of *individual* organisms.

      The policy you were referring to was quite specific. It refers to treating the dumbarse computer program that runs the site as if it has a brain or an opinion, and optionally that it could influence the humans making comments and posts here. The post made no assertions about the opinions of the pond scum at TS.

      Now for your deficient education, that program has a few orders of magnitude less programming information than any individual organism making up pond-scum has genetic information (or indeed any living organism that we know of apart from a some parasitic RNA based viruses).

      Now I can see how comparing algae with lawyers could work. However I suspect that you, Scott, and Mickey actually could have opinions more advanced than pond scum. But of course discussing the intelligence levels of lawyers becomes a matter of opinion – something our site is dedicated to fostering with some limits.

      So no to your query.

      Of course one of those limits is listed in the self-martyrdom offenses…

      Abusing the sysop or post writers on their own site – including telling us how to run our site or what we should write. This is viewed as self-evident stupidity, and should be added as a category to the Darwin Awards.

      Of course there is that little grey area here because it is a guest post. Should I defend Scott as the author of the post? Or should I defend Micky as an author on the site?

      Of course I could avoid the question and divert on to questioning the intelligence levels of Law profs compared to algae? 😈

  9. Molly 10

    Damn. I like Signature brand tonic water…

    • veutoviper 10.1

      Must try it Molly – saw it on special at my local Countdown last week and dittered over whether to buy it or not.

  10. Murray Olsen 11

    Great post, Bomber.

  11. Northshoreguynz 12

    I’m a Gordon’s and Rawlings man, myself.

  12. ropata 13

    All these political parties on the left just cause confusion. Let’s all join together and make a party for all where a variety of views and attitudes are accepted …
    Ahh who am I kidding 🙄

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Relativity adjustment for Waikato-Tainui and Ngāi Tahu
    An adjustment payment has been made to Waikato-Tainui and Ngāi Tahu under the relativity mechanisms in their 1995 and 1997 Treaty of Waitangi settlements, Minister for Treaty of Waitangi Negotiations Andrew Little announced today. The latest payments to Waikato-Tainui and Ngāi Tahu are $2,700,000 and $2,600,000 respectively to ensure the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    17 hours ago
  • Auckland rail upgrades pick up steam
    Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters and Transport Minister Phil Twyford today kicked off the start of the Auckland NZ Upgrade Programme rail projects which will support over 400 jobs and help unlock our biggest city. Both ministers marked the start of enabling works on the third main rail line project ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    19 hours ago
  • PGF support for Wairoa creates jobs
    The Provincial Growth Fund (PGF) investment of $3.78 million in Wairoa will create much needed economic stimulus and jobs, Under-Secretary for Regional Economic Development Fletcher Tabuteau announced today. PGF projects announced today include: $200,000 loan to Nuhaka Kiwifruit Holdings Ltd (operated by Pine Valley Orchard Ltd) to increase the productivity ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    20 hours ago
  • Public and Māori housing to trial renewable energy technology
    Tenants in public and Māori housing may be benefiting from their own affordable renewable energy in future – a fund to trial renewable energy technology for public and Māori housing has today been announced by Energy and Resources Minister Megan Woods and Associate Minister for Housing (Māori Housing) Nanaia Mahuta. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    21 hours ago
  • $2.7m for Hokianga infrastructure
    Hokianga will receive $2.7 million to redevelop four of its wharves and upgrade its water supply, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones has announced. Far North District Council will receive $1.8 million from the Provincial Growth Fund for the work on the wharves. “The work will include the construction of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    21 hours ago
  • New fund to support housing and construction sector
    A $350 million Residential Development Response Fund is being established to support the residential construction sector and to minimise the economic impact from COVID-19, the Housing Minister Dr Megan Woods has announced. “The Residential Development Response Fund will help to progress stalled or at-risk developments that support our broader housing ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    22 hours ago
  • Government investment to boost Auckland’s community recycling network
    As part of a broader plan to divert waste from landfill, the Government today announced $10.67 million for new infrastructure as part of the Resource Recovery Network across the Auckland region. “This key investment in Auckland’s community recycling network is part of the Government’s Infrastructure Reference Group ‘shovel ready’ projects ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    22 hours ago
  • Te Papa transformation starts at Cameron Road
    The Government is investing $45 million in the first stage of an ambitious urban development project for Tauranga that will employ up to 250 people and help the region grow, Urban Development Minister Phil Twyford announced today. Phil Twyford says the funding has been allocated out of the $3 billion ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    22 hours ago
  • Low-emissions options for heavy transport a step closer
    Getting low-emission trucks on the road is a step closer with investment in infrastructure to support hydrogen vehicles, the Energy and Resources Minister Megan Woods has announced. The Infrastructure Reference Group has provisionally approved $20 million for New Plymouth company Hiringa Energy to establish a nationwide network of hydrogen-fuelling stations. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • New training centre to upskill workers
    A new trades training centre to upskill the local workforce will be built in the South Waikato town of Tokoroa through funding from the Government’s COVID-19 Response and Recovery Fund, Education Minister Chris Hipkins and Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones have announced. The Government will contribute $10.84 million from ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Subsequent children legislation to change
    The Government has agreed to repeal part of the Oranga Tamariki Act subsequent children provisions, Minister for Children Tracey Martin announced today. “There are times when children need to go into care for their safety – the safety and care of children must always be paramount,” Minister Martin said. “But ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Funding to expand mental health support for Pacific peoples
    A $1.5 million boost to grow primary mental health and addiction services for Pacific peoples in Auckland, Hamilton and Canterbury will lead to better outcomes for Pacific communities, Associate Health Minister Jenny Salesa says.  Pasifika Futures has received funding to expand services through The Fono, Aotearoa New Zealand’s largest by ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Funding boost for sustainable food and fibre production
    Twenty-two projects to boost the sustainability and climate resilience of New Zealand’s food and fibres sector have been announced today by Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor. The $18m funding will deliver practical knowledge to help farmers and growers use their land more sustainably, meet environmental targets, remain prosperous, and better understand ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Mature Workers Toolkit launched on business.govt.nz
    Employment Minister Willie Jackson welcomes an initiative that assists employers to get mature workers into New Zealand small businesses. The disadvantages that older people face in the workplace was highlighted in the whole of Government Employment Strategy.  In order to address this, a Mature Workers Toolkit has been developed and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Trans-Tasman cooperation in a COVID-19 world
    New Zealand and Australia reaffirmed today the need for the closest possible collaboration as they tackle a global environment shaped by COVID-19, Foreign Affairs Minister Winston Peters said. “In these challenging times, our close collaboration with Australia is more vital than ever,” said Mr Peters. Mr Peters and his Australian ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Pike recovery efforts now in unexplored territory
    The recovery and forensic examination of the loader driven by survivor Russell Smith means the underground team are now moving into an area of the Pike River Mine that has not been seen since the explosion, Minister Responsible for Pike River Re-entry Andrew Little said. “The fifth and last robot ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Government confirms CovidCard trial to go ahead
    The Government has confirmed a community-wide trial of CovidCard technology as it explores options for COVID-19 contact tracing. “Effective contact tracing is a vital part of the COVID-19 response,” Minister of Health Chris Hipkins said. “While manual processes remain the critical component for contact tracing, we know digital solutions can ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Enhanced process for iwi aquaculture assets
    The government is proposing changes to aquaculture legislation to improve the process for allocating and transferring aquaculture assets to iwi. Fisheries Minister Stuart Nash has introduced the Maori Commercial Aquaculture Claims Settlement Amendment Bill to Parliament. It proposes a limited new discretionary power for Te Ohu Kaimoana Trustee Limited (ToKM). ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Bill introduced to fix National’s Family Court reform failures
    The Minister of Justice has today introduced the Family Court (Supporting Children in Court) Legislation Bill – the next step in the ongoing programme of work to fix the failed 2014 Family Court reforms led by then Justice Minister Judith Collins.  The Bill arises from the report of the Independent ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • DOC takes action to adapt to climate change
    A new Department of Conservation (DOC) action plan tackles the impacts of climate change on New Zealand’s biodiversity and DOC managed infrastructure including tracks, huts and cultural heritage. Minister of Conservation Eugenie Sage says extreme weather events around the country have really brought home our vulnerability to changing weather patterns. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Reduced international Antarctic season commences
    A heavily scaled back international Antarctic season will commence this week, Foreign Affairs Minister Winston Peters and Research, Science and Innovation Minister Megan Woods have confirmed. “Antarctica is the only continent that is COVID-19 free,” Mr Peters said. “Throughout the global pandemic, essential operations and long-term science have continued at ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • New high performance sports hub for Upper Hutt
    The Government is providing up to $30 million to help fund the NZ Campus of Innovation and Sport in Upper Hutt - an investment that will create 244 jobs. “The sports hub is designed to be a world-leading shared service for a range of sports, offering the level of facilities ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Govt keeps projects on road to completion
    Transport Minister Phil Twyford announced today transport projects currently in construction will continue at pace due to extra Government support for transport projects to mitigate the impact of COVID-19. To keep the $16.9 billion 2018-21 National Land Transport Programme going the Government has allocated funding from the COVID Response and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • First project utilising $50 million ‘shovel ready’ fund for rural broadband announced
    $50 million for further rural broadband digital connectivity has been allocated from the $3 billion infrastructure fund in the COVID Response and Recovery Fund has been announced by Shane Jones, Minister for Infrastructure and Kris Faafoi, Minister for Broadcasting, Communications and Digital Media. The investment will go to boosting broadband ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Ultra-fast Broadband programme hits major milestone with more than one million connections
    The Minister for Broadcasting, Communications and Digital Media has congratulated the Ultra-fast Broadband (UFB) programme on its major milestone of connecting more than 1 million New Zealand households and businesses to UFB. “This milestone has been 10 years in the making and demonstrates the popularity of the UFB network. “Uptake ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Vaping legislation passes
    Landmark legislation passed today puts New Zealand on track to saving thousands of lives and having a smokefree generation sooner rather than later, Associate Health Minister, Jenny Salesa says. The Smokefree Environments and Regulated Products (Vaping) Amendment Bill regulates vaping products and heated tobacco devices. “There has long been concern ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Government repeals discriminatory law
    A discriminatory law that has been a symbol of frustration for many people needing and providing care and support, has been scrapped by the Government. “Part 4A of the New Zealand Public Health and Disability Amendment Bill (No 2) was introduced under urgency in 2013 by a National Government,” Associate ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • More competitive fuel market on the way
    Kiwi motorists are set to reap the benefits of a more competitive fuel market following the passing of the Fuel Industry Bill tonight, Energy and Resources Minister Megan Woods says.  “This Act is where the rubber meets the road in terms of our response to the recommendations made in the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Government delivers on rental reforms promise
    The Government has delivered on its promise to New Zealanders to modernise tenancy laws with the passing of the Residential Tenancies Amendment (RTA) Bill 2020 today, says Associate Minister of Housing (Public Housing), Kris Faafoi. “The Residential Tenancies Act 1986 was out-dated and the reforms in the RTA modernise our ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • New rules in place to restore healthy rivers
    New rules to protect and restore New Zealand’s freshwater passed into law today. Environment Minister David Parker and Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor welcomed the gazetting of the new national direction on freshwater management. “These regulations deliver on the Government’s commitment to stop further degradation, show material improvements within five years and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Foreign Minister announces new Consul-General in Los Angeles
    Foreign Affairs Minister Winston Peters has announced the appointment of Jeremy Clarke-Watson as New Zealand’s new Consul-General in Los Angeles. “New Zealand and the United States share a close and dynamic partnership, based on a long history of shared values and democratic traditions,” Mr Peters said. “Mr Clarke-Watson is a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Rental reforms provide greater support for victims of family violence
    Victims of family violence can end a tenancy with two days’ notice Landlords can terminate tenancies with 14 days’ notice if tenants assault them Timeframe brought forward for limiting rent increases to once every 12 months Extension of time Tenancy Tribunal can hear cases via phone/video conference Reform of New ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Apprenticeships support kicks off today
    Two employment schemes – one new and one expanded – going live today will help tens of thousands of people continue training on the job and support thousands more into work, the Government has announced. Apprenticeship Boost, a subsidy of up to $12,000 per annum for first year apprentices and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Infrastructure to transform Omokoroa
    The Government is funding a significant infrastructure package at Omokoroa which will create 150 new jobs and help transform the Western Bay of Plenty peninsula, Urban Development Minister Phil Twyford announced today. Phil Twyford says the Government is investing $14 million towards the $28 million roading and water package. This ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Bill passes for managed isolation charges
    The Bill allowing the Government to recover some costs for managed isolation and quarantine passed its third reading today, with charges coming into force as soon as regulations are finalised. Putting regulations into force is the next step. “The COVID-19 Public Health Response Amendment Bill and its supporting regulations will ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Unemployment drop shows Govt plan to protect jobs and support businesses is working
    Today’s unemployment data shows the Government’s plan to protect jobs and cushion the blow for businesses and households against the economic impact of COVID-19 was the right decision, Finance Minister Grant Robertson says. Stats NZ said today that New Zealand’s unemployment rate in the June quarter – which includes the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • New role to champion reading for children
    A new role of New Zealand Reading Ambassador for children and young people is being established, Prime Minister and Minister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Jacinda Ardern and Minister for Internal Affairs and for Children, Tracey Martin announced today. The Reading Ambassador, announced at a Celebration of Reading event at ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Funding boost for Community Law Centres
    Community Law Centres will receive a funding boost to meet the increased need for free legal services due to COVID-19, Justice Minister Andrew Little said. The $3.5m funding is for the next three financial years and is additional to the almost $8 million for Community Law Centres announced in Budget ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • New Zealand joins initiative to boost women’s role in global trade
    New Zealand has joined Canada and Chile in a new trade initiative aimed at increasing women’s participation in global trade. Trade and Export Growth Minister David Parker, together with Canada’s Minister for Small Business, Export Promotion and International Trade Mary Ng, Chile’s Minister of Foreign Affairs Andrés Allamand, and Chile’s Vice ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Government provides $2.2m to heritage buildings for quake strengthening
    Building owners around New Zealand have benefited from the latest round of Heritage EQUIP funding with grants totalling $2,230,166. “The Heritage EQUIP grants for seismic strengthening assist private building owners to get the professional advice they need to go ahead with their projects or support them to carry out the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago