Posts Tagged ‘imperator fish’

Imperator Fish: The terrifying cost of Labour’s UBI

Written By: - Date published: 8:01 am, April 1st, 2016 - 220 comments

Imperator Fish warns us of the terrifying cost of Labour’s UBI.

It’s even worse than you think.

Imperator Fish: Let’s hear them out

Written By: - Date published: 10:43 am, December 24th, 2014 - 12 comments

Sky City wants the taxpayer to help cover the increased cost to build its new Auckland convention centre. They agreed to build the convention centre in return for the government giving the casino a licence extension and allowing it to operate more gaming machines…. So…

Imperator Fish: The Labour Party plot to kill Cameron Slater: the shocking evidence

Written By: - Date published: 6:00 pm, November 27th, 2014 - 33 comments

Imperator Fish claims to have received from an anonymous source a recording of a conversation between senior Labour Party members in which a plan to kill Cameron Slater is discussed.

ImperatorFish: A plea for help

Written By: - Date published: 11:24 pm, November 3rd, 2014 - 35 comments

I don’t usually ask for help, but this is different. I have made a lot of enemies, and some of them are determined to destroy me. I have managed to clad some of the roof of my house with aluminium foil, but funds are tight. If you don’t give me money it will make you a bad person

 

ImperatorFish: There appears to be an off button

Written By: - Date published: 9:16 am, October 29th, 2014 - 16 comments

Scott wonders how we can get around the wonder of whether John Key is currently Prime Minister

ImperatorFish: A statement from the Israel Defence Force

Written By: - Date published: 8:00 am, August 5th, 2014 - 81 comments

The indiscriminate and criminal slaughter of children and civilians of Gaza perpetrated by the fearlessly over-armed IDF must make every Israeli or fellow traveller armchair warrior grasp their groin in total excitement.

Imperator Fish: Read the law

Written By: - Date published: 1:28 pm, July 18th, 2014 - 6 comments

Imperator Fish discovers that the official legal website for law in NZ has been hacked. The law that the Independent Police Conduct Authority (IPCA) used to look at complaints about the interception of communications for Kim DotCom, political parties, and anyone that the police deem as being suspicious was obviously incomplete. So the IPCA used some invisible law in their ruling. Who cares what the real law is anyway?

Imperator Fish: In the Beehive today

Written By: - Date published: 12:14 pm, July 7th, 2014 - 5 comments

This post was put up at Imperator Fish on Sunday evening. It looks like Hekia Parata was following Scott’s script today. 🙂

Sure we need a better class of wingnut commenter, as is frequently suggested here. However surely it is more important that we get a better quality of government minister than ones who think that evidence based policies means only the evidence about how well their party is doing in the polls?

The police must investigate the alleged Liu donations because…

Written By: - Date published: 5:05 pm, June 22nd, 2014 - 24 comments

Scott Yorke makes some excellent arguments in favour of a full police investigation into the Liu saga.

Imperator Fish: Winning in 2014: a prescription for Labour

Written By: - Date published: 11:04 pm, June 10th, 2014 - 38 comments

Scott Yorke at Imperator Fish is well known for his inciteful insightful analysis of many issues. However he has really really outdone himself on this clarion call for rioting clarity. It will bring war unity to all parts of the political spectrum outside of Labour  advising them on their strategy. Who can wait to read the few lines of commentary by David Farrar giving the 9th floor position as he quotes this post. Indeed!

Imperator Fish: Move along please, sir

Written By: - Date published: 10:20 pm, June 7th, 2014 - 8 comments

As a senior member of the New Zealand Police, I would like to respond to allegations that the police were remiss in not prosecuting ACT Party MP the Hon John Banks. There is no police corruption here.  We may have been disgracefully, eye-wateringly incompetent, but we are not dirty. Now please move along, as we wish to put this entire incident behind us as quickly as we can, before too many questions are asked.

Imperator Fish: How to win an election

Written By: - Date published: 11:10 am, June 3rd, 2014 - 143 comments

Scott Yorke at Imperator Fish opines on electorate seats and inter-party relations. On the way through he identifies some strikingly bad net behaviour. Labour MPs past and present who badly need to learn to control themselves on the net just as much as Bomber does.

Imperator Fish: Let’s shut down the internet

Written By: - Date published: 1:40 pm, May 22nd, 2014 - 18 comments

There appears to have been a hiatus in the flood of posts today. Perhaps it is because of the wise words of Imperator Fish pausing the world as they consider his wise words… And those of Speaker Carter (who appears to have a problem with most current culture).

Right thinking: Just looking after the investor

Written By: - Date published: 10:31 am, May 2nd, 2014 - 10 comments

Imperator Fish nails the essential relationship of a National/Act caucus with donations. “Why should a good hard-working minister have to resign over such a minor thing? All he did was put a little pressure on the police. Where’s the harm in that? Isn’t that what we pay our MPs for? To look after our interests and help us when we get into bother?” “Mr Liu invested a lot of money with the National Party. Isn’t he entitled to see a return on his investment?”

Imperator Fish: A sacred day

Written By: - Date published: 10:54 am, April 25th, 2014 - 10 comments

“Today is the day when we remember those who fell.

I plan to honour this sacred day by not indulging in political discourse of any kind until 1:00 pm.

At 1:00 pm the shops open and life returns largely to normal. At 1:00 pm I will resume my ceaseless efforts to destroy this monstrous government.”

ImperatorFish: A day in the life of Simon Bridges

Written By: - Date published: 3:50 pm, April 10th, 2014 - 8 comments

ImperatorFish generously allows us to repost some of his posts. It was impossible to resist this satire.

“Just asked Hekia what I should do. I told her I feel like I’m the weakest link in the entire Cabinet. I could swear I saw relief on her face as I said it. “Don’t you dare leave,” she told me.

IF: A day in the life of Matthew Hooton

Written By: - Date published: 7:39 am, March 25th, 2014 - 32 comments

[Satire]  I has a dream… Winston retired from politics and went on to set up a bird rescue centre in a remote spot in the Raukumura Range, but the centre was burned down after two teenagers high on glue broke in and set it alight. The delicious smells of hundreds of roasted native birds attracted the attentions of the poor for miles around… desperate and hungry people tore at each other to get into the still-burning sanctuary…  I awoke in a fever and ran to my computer, and in seconds flat I had my NBR column finished.

ImperatorFish: John Key explains to the media

Written By: - Date published: 8:41 am, March 12th, 2014 - 4 comments

[satire] Let me explain. There has been no breach of Cabinet rules. This has been confirmed by the Cabinet Office. Not the real Cabinet Office, but the one that exists in the deepest recesses of my imagination. That particular Cabinet Office always gives me the advice I want to hear, and the one thing I’ve learned from all my years in this place is to always listen to the voices in my head.

BREAKING EXCLUSIVE: Allies win World War Two

Written By: - Date published: 8:59 am, February 27th, 2014 - 12 comments

Breaking: These Germans will be defeated. In an EXCLUSIVE report, Imperator Fish can now confirm that the Allies won World War Two. Hitler will be DEFEATED !!!!

Imperator Fish – The State of the Nation: an interview with David Cunliffe

Written By: - Date published: 10:31 pm, January 28th, 2014 - 8 comments

Scott gets an exclusive interview with David Cunliffe… and then goes Paddy Gower on his a#$e. Always good to be fair and balanced on the 2 sides of the House.

ImperatorFish: Unity!

Written By: - Date published: 11:59 am, January 12th, 2014 - 22 comments

In which ImperatorFish vows to turn over a new leaf and despite the outrageous and completely unfair barbs aimed in his direction. He will NOT respond to the wrong thinking arseholes! Afterall this is election year.

It is nice that he has included the “pond slime over at The Standard” in this vow.

Right Thinking: just another lawbreaking socialist villain

Written By: - Date published: 2:07 pm, December 30th, 2013 - 8 comments

Normally we’d put “ImperatorFish: ” because, well, the post come from that site and from the fertile satirical mind of Scott Yorke. But in this case it is clear that someone else must have written the post. They couldn’t get the sequence of events right and they admitted to an act that a lawyer (such a fine upstanding and moral part of community) would never admit to. Has Scott has been hacked? And why does it sound like actual Cameron Slater writing on one of his better days.

Our boat is faster than theirs

Written By: - Date published: 2:32 pm, October 3rd, 2013 - 27 comments

In the wake of the astounding victory of the NZ team in San Diego, Scott at Imperator Fish offers these words of sage advice to those on the left looking at recent polling. For those of you convinced by the current winning trend, some of us hope that you will take his advice (so the rest of us can carry on with the work that needs to be done).

ImperatorFish: David Shearer suspends rule-breaking Labour MP

Written By: - Date published: 8:02 am, March 19th, 2013 - 113 comments

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.

Imperatorfish – Meet the firebugs

Written By: - Date published: 11:59 am, March 8th, 2012 - 2 comments

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here: Widespread industrial action, economic growth projections revised downwards, more job losses, attacks on the welfare safety net, selling our strategic assets, and no strategy to grow our economy.

ImperatorFish: Red Alert: The Best Is Yet To David Farrar

Written By: - Date published: 6:34 pm, January 20th, 2012 - 14 comments

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here

Scott’s take on Red Alert’s cult of David Farrar.

ImperatorFish: Not Irony #1

Written By: - Date published: 9:54 am, December 8th, 2011 - 28 comments

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here

David Farrar applies some wonky logic in order to blame everything bad the Nats do on the left. If any group of voters is to blame for the National/ACT deal, it’s those voters who gave National their party vote and/or John Banks their electorate vote.

Your Tory: A Care Guide

Written By: - Date published: 5:17 pm, August 22nd, 2011 - 44 comments

Below are the care instructions for your Tory. Please read them before using your Tory for the first time. Provided you follow these instructions you can look forward to many years of uninterrupted conservative cronyism.

Your Tory comes with a three-year warranty. In the event you are dissatisfied with your Tory for any reason during that period, please remember that you were the fool who voted him in.

Vote for Change stumbles at the startline

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, July 5th, 2011 - 10 comments

Peter Shirtcliffe’s Vote for Change is reeling. On Sunday, they had to boot out Alex Fogerty after the Young Nat’s neo-Nazi affiliations were made public. Yesterday, they lost their token Leftie, Bob Harvey, when he realised that being used by a collection of capitalist elitists and white supremacists wasn’t the legacy he wanted.

Garrote them for shagging sheep

Written By: - Date published: 9:41 am, May 10th, 2009 - 38 comments

The strange Sensible Sentencing Trust three-strikes bill put up by ACT’s David Garrett aka ‘Garrote‘ has some strange implications. Scott at Imperator Fish points out this one. Even if lawmakers could accept the principle that after three serious offences you’re a goner, getting them to agree on what those offences should be would be next […]

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