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National Has Found a Moral Compass

Written By: - Date published: 3:46 pm, June 6th, 2020 - 34 comments
Categories: election 2020, honeymoon, leadership, Nikki Kaye, Politics, polls, same old national, Satire, the praiseworthy and the pitiful, todd muller - Tags: , , , ,

The new leadership of the National Party has had an epiphany that led to the rolling of the previous leadership because they were severely out of touch with the public mood during lockdown. The abysmal polls were like a nose swap swab that screamed ‘positive’ before it was even taken.

Despite not plotting the bloodless coup for months, they ceased seized the moment in a non-opportunistic but highly pragmatic way and pounced on the unsuspecting Leader and Deputy Leader and, to their surprise, they won. This has a ring of truth about it because the new leadership was completely unprepared for what came next as the hilarious errors and highly amusing media appearances showed so clearly. Media training was in order.

This was not caused by lack of talent. The National Party is brimming over with talent. Particularly, the front bench is oozing talent. They all are Pākehā. This is not a problem because they are the best team and there are only so many spots on the party list that are safe as houses given the internal polls. National MPs find out these poll results by going on Social Media, just like anybody else in NZ, which makes it nicely democratic; we’re all in the same boat together and there’s no preferential treatment – cauc-us but only sum-of- us.

Criticism that National’s front bench lacks diversity and Māori representation is unfounded. Many National MPs may have watched Once Were Warriors and understood the moral message: some people make bad choices and they have to live with it. Life is tough.

In any case, National has done some soul-searching and realised that they have a moral imperative, which is to win the Election. If they lose, many of the sitting and talented MPs will lose their jobs and become unemployed. NZ doesn’t need more unemployed; they are a blot on our society and bad for GDP. I can see where National is coming from.

Encouraged by the after-coup poll bounce and exciting honeymoon, and with a renewed zest for life, the new Leader is throwing mana from heaven whilst giving a sermon from a mountaintop.  The symbolism is strong with this one. Symbolism is important, especially to the small and select flock of recipients devotees.

The mainstream media (MSM) in NZ have not yet realised the depth of National’s moral crusade. They are asking the new Leader impertinent questions about leaders of other nations. This is wrong! Judge not, or you too will be judged. Beneficiaries and other no-hopers know all about judgement, which is why they allegedly don’t vote. I shall not pass judgement on the wisdom of this.

I look forward to the details of National’s Economic Plan. I do appreciate that this is secondary to the primary imperative of not losing the Election and not again screwing up the coalition negotiations with the Kingmaker – the Kingmaker is not dead yet. Details are for academics, pedants, and Treasury boffins. Real managers of the economy don’t get bogged down in minutiae. They think Big and in terms of billion dollar holes, as Mr Fix-It, Steven Joyce, used to do. I miss that android man. Fortunately, the new Leader has almost as much business nous as Mr Joyce and there is even some physical resemblance between them. All is not lost.

The official start of the election period is almost upon us. I think it could be as nerve wrecking as the pandemic. I don’t dare to make any predictions as the future looks less certain every day. I feel drawn to parties that express moral certainty about which cause of action is best for our country. Yet I know that this is all just bollocks.

34 comments on “National Has Found a Moral Compass ”

  1. observer 1


    That "moral obligation" line from Kaye was a real clanger. I doubt Bridges and his moral mates (Simon O'Connor and the rest) will take kindly to being portrayed as the obstacle on the path to righteousness.

    Not sure Ardern as she-devil is a vote-winner either.

  2. In Vino 2

    A touch of pedantry – early in the piece I think you meant 'nose swab' rather than 'nose swap..

    and I think you wanted 'seized the moment' rather than 'ceased' it.

    No argument with your thoughts..

  3. Ken 3

    But Jacinda is "only good at leading in a crisis".

    I have it on good authority from a staunch National supporter, that there will be no more crises in the next nine years…..and that the real test of great leadership is how they lead us when there are no problems whatsoever facing the nation.

    • In Vino 3.1

      Well, I have it from a staunch National supporter that the equine-visaged female of a canine nature is a proven Communist who is determined to destroy our democracy – and there is a video where she is called 'Comrade', which proves it all.

      We are in it deeper than you think!

      • Barfly 3.1.1

        I have two National voting relatives who think National is a shambles and they will be voting ACT at the next election (big smile)

        • georgecom

          Great laugh A real scrap in the seat of Epsom will be wonderful. If that maori guy can win then it will be the end of ACT. happy day

      • greywarshark 3.1.2

        In Vino

        Think of the children! When you put broad irony or whatever, please put sarc otherwise the streets may be filled with kiddies and frighten the horses as well.

        • In Vino

          Sorry greywarshark, but it was not imaginative sarcasm – it was real true life.

      • Ken 3.1.3

        I also have it on good authority that when someone resorts to demeaning someone's physical appearance, they are totally bereft of argument, and totally consumed with negativity, and destined to spend at least the next six years on the opposition benches.

        • woodart

          good point. screaming headlines in media shouting comments like, "totally inept, etc" are an instant turnoff for the vast majority of kiwi voters, and personal insults about appearances also are a turnoff. says more about the commenter and their lack of awareness.

  4. NZJester 4

    Nationals Moral Compass got demagnetized long ago. They would love to bring in modern US style politics that are pay to play with legal open bribes to set policy here to New Zealand. They have already been doing some of that already in the shadows with stuff like their old cabinet club where you pay for a dinner to sit near a National MP and get their ear.

  5. Anne 5

    Love your directional diagram. Doesn't matter which way you turn it, its always in a wrong direction. cool

  6. greywarshark 6

    I noticed your deliberate mistake Incognito at the beginning – a nose swap or a nose swab? You were testing to see who reads things thoroughly I know.

    I take that all back and have caught on now.
    Everything is fine and has been written by a junior clerk in the Propaganda dept deep in the bowels of Gnational Party Headquarters.

  7. Gabby 7

    Aren't those guys in the photo both Luxie?

    • Andre 7.1

      Nah. One of them spends a lot of time shouting "Resistance is useless" and the other is Prostetnic Vogon Joyce.

  8. Actually national has never lost its compass. Back in the 1930's the farmers and business folks joined hands to destroy Labour and the unions.

    They have never deviated from it. OK farmers helped to vote in a Labour govt when they had to walk to the ballot box to vote them in. Once the Labour policies allowed the farmers to drive to the ballot box the compass never shifted.

  9. I feel like I ought to be shocked that winning power is what springs to mind for National MPs when it comes to moral imperatives, but somehow I'm not. Getting too old, too many elections under the belt maybe

    • Anne 9.1

      Getting too old, too many elections under the belt maybe

      Yes, it does make one very cynical.

  10. AB 10

    Kaye is becoming more unlikeable every time she opens he mouth. Admittedly, I do particularly loathe people who are liberal (ish) on matters of identity but run a line of hard-right economic ideas. Her threat of "debt for generations" as a result of COVID-19 unless National gets elected, shows how much she is gagging to implement austerity and see a return to surplus. And to cloak this as the 'moral' thing to do is truly horrible.

  11. Incognito 11

    Heh! Nikki Kaye is trending on Twitter in NZ 😀

  12. gnomic 12

    Joyce, Wasn't he the former Minister of Everything but not especially good at anything? Am I wrong in thinking he was perhaps the biggest liar in all the history of electoral campaigns in the shaky isles? And when he offered himself up to the National Party caucus to be leader he found he was widely reviled so shuffled off after his mate John Key.

    Wasn't there some allegedly dodgy stuff around subsidies for commercial radio years ago?

    Anyone else seen advertising posters for Muller & Kaye plus your local National MP already up on prominent signage?

    • I Feel Love 13.1

      Price makes MAGA tweets look sane, he just tweets some nutty stuff which gets retweeted. I liked that reply though, that the opposition has to lie as a last resort, what else have they got? I think journalists got so burnt by Dirty Politics in the Key years, they do seem to not be letting the likes of Price getting away with the lies like they used to.

      • tc 13.1.1

        Any journalist that actually got burnt wasn't very good at the job of being a journalist IMO, many were simply repeaters and shills. Verifying fact, checking sources, timeline analysis turns up the usual suspects pretty much every time.

        They're still there warming up the election year memes…Trevitt, Young etc and the ranty talk back will probably go up a notch with Hooten architecting Hosking frothing.

    • observer 13.2

      The Pundit site still thinks Hamish Price is an acceptable contributor. That is very disappointing (to put it mildly).

      "Comment is free but facts are sacred" – not for Price, not on a day ending in "y".

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