The opening addresses of Election 2014

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, August 24th, 2014 - 31 comments
Categories: colin craig, conservative party, election 2014, greens, internet mana party, labour, mana, national, nz first, united future - Tags:

Last night the opening party political addresses were broadcast on TV One, simultaneous with an All Blacks match and a live-tweeted crowd viewing of Labyrinth. So if you missed out (and don’t follow my every thought on Twitter), here’s my reaction!

(Screenshots nicked and cropped from Asher Goldman on Twitter.)

National: so corporate. Much artificial. John Key in a staged “interview” blathering about goals and targets and not changing horses midstream but really without any kind of concrete policy, while an increasingly-irritating Eminem ripoff plays. And lots of rowing. And a very clunky “Oh Bill English is a great asset FYI” line thrown in which makes me suspect succession signalling is underway.

National’s full video doesn’t seem to be available online but if you just watch the short version a few dozen times it has much the same effect. is now online here.

Labour: I loved this one. Yes, I’m biased. But the idea of getting the caucus out to do a community project, taking turns to discuss their own policy areas with real Kiwis, was genius. It was a huge contrast to National’s corporate one-man-band routine. And there were real, solid policies to work on, which is a bit of a bugbear of mine.

I actually want to help out at a community centre if it involves Andrew Little and Carol Beaumont making me cheese scones. They even got David Parker out of his suit.

You can watch Labour’s video here.

Greens: Didn’t grab me as much as Labour’s. Their focus was strongly and naturally environmental, Metiria and Russel did a great job of injecting their own stories and personality into it, but there wasn’t a strong narrative as there was with Labour’s.

You can watch the Greens’ video here.

nzfirstNZ First: Winston doing his best General Patton in front of a terribly CG’d New Zealand flag, and a diverse range of people asking rhetorical questions to camera. You may note Winston’s tie is red and black, so read into that what you will.

conservativesConservatives: Colin Craig hitting his usual talking points about binding referenda to a room of silent, bored-looking white people. He really is a charisma-free zone.

actACT: If you did not watch this, find it. Now online! Watch it! It’s the funniest thing broadcast this year and may have actually been made using Windows MovieMaker, it’s that budget.

internetInternetMana: cartoon futuristic hovercats. Enough said, really. You can watch it here.

dunnePeter Dunne: a few minutes of Dunne talking to camera about how reasonable and middle-of-the-road he is, while parroting Key’s lines about staying the course. Lacking his characteristic bow tie, which may bode poorly for him.

ALCP: Rate a mention because their video was approximately a hundred times more professional-looking than ACT’s.

Focus, Social Credit, and Brendan Horan’s outfit: Shrug.

31 comments on “The opening addresses of Election 2014”

  1. Rosie 1

    Yes, big contrast between the one man Key bored-cast which was meant to be National and the happily working all together Labour team chock full o’ policy.Good theme of many people working together, representing collective effort and mutual achievement. I vote cheese scones!

    ACT’s one was just bizarre. I thought they had bucket loads of money to spend on their campaign!

    I missed the Internet Mana one as I had the tv on mute between the ads and came back into the living room and thought I was seeing an ad for phones or something, and only put the sound back on towards the end of the address.

    And how did I miss Dunne’s? No bow tie eh? Getting ready to wind down and go an a long holiday?

  2. Enough is Enough 2

    Greens was the best. Real and touching.

    I felt labour’s was contrived and a bit try hard. David and his extension cord did not feel like David.

    • Maybe that’s not the David you’re used to seeing portrayed in the media. As someone who’s known him for many years I thought it was very natural.

    • Lanthanide 2.2

      I didn’t like Labour’s either. I thought Cunliffe was by far the best, King was ok and the rest were stilted and unconvincing.

      • hoom 2.2.1

        Yes. It quite. Came… across, that. They were. Reading scripts.

        A bit surprised that Whyte came across about as wooden as Seymore.

        Greens was great I thought.

        Nats, well I just keep on going back to the actual Eminem song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmXumtgwtak humming along to the song about an angry poor guy living in grinding poverty with only a very unlikely possibility of getting out of it.

        Wtf is up with Keys hair? He seems to be increasingly looking like his caricature http://youtu.be/yXpuhKwNgv8 just kept finding myself tuned out humming angrily, staring at that hairline…

        About the only thing that sunk in was that the 170k new jobs in the next year every year target has blown out to only 150k by 2018, just look at that aspirational super-star economy go!

      • Tom Jackson 2.2.2

        Hey, they aren’t actors. Give them a break.

        I couldn’t stop looking at Jacinda’s hair. Peter Dunne has now been dethroned in the parliamentary hair stakes in my view.

  3. ghostwhowalksnz 3

    Isnt the Nats use of the meeting with the Queen a definite no no. Bringing the monarchy into partisan politics used to be a big no, but with Key anything goes.

    There are laws to prevent using the word Royal for commercial purposes without permission, and the images are much the same. Cant see how Joyce would have got the OK, so he went ahead and did it anyway, like when he stole $110,000 of TV time by not paying the GST

  4. RedBaronCV 4

    Loved the bit where the Act guy goes”vote for values” . Nobody bother to tell him that the Values party was the fore runner of the Green Party here?

  5. Lanthanide 5

    Lol, just watching the ACT one, and Jamie is mouthing his wife’s line at 0:13.

    The “For more reform” bit is just weird.

  6. Papa Tuanuku 6

    Twitter summary:

    Nat played #dirtypolitics. Stole 2011 election. Sell assets. Reduce our rights @ work. Attack Hager and lie 2 public Keep Collins on payroll

  7. FLV 7

    Russell Norman took two years to put a headlamp on a Mitsubishi Magna – apart from that they were all fairly predictable.

    That must have been one tricky headlamp….

  8. Pasupial 8

    Frank Macskasy has a good review of the party broadcasts over on TDB. No links, but he does do; Focus, DSC & Horan, as well. He gives it to the Greens, closely followed by Labour equal to IMP as runners up. But then; he says that Key was worse than Whyte – but after clicking on the link to that ACT homevideo, I don’t see how that is possible.

    http://thedailyblog.co.nz/2014/08/24/election-tv-campaign-ads-opening-night/

  9. Ad 9

    Key is increasingly going to rely on sporting metaphors. Their choice of all-European-origin rowers is an appropriate South Island and farming signal. His monologues to camera were epic snore-induction. However, the erotic attractive sleekness of synchronised crew over water is as inspiring as test-driving a new BMW or Mercedes. National strums the national bass guitar of aspiration better than any around – and no other party is doing aspiration to wealth within high economic growth and plummeting unemployment.

    Labour’s winner, as CV said, was the extension cord. It was a concept video Bob Harvey would have been proud of. It would have been useful to have this theme earlier in the year so that Cunliffe and Labour’s messaging could have built. He’s beginning to look friendlier. Just this side of Pink Floyd in its syrup content.

    The Greens’ urban street imagery was as jarring to its primary imagery as it could possibly get. The dissonance between their highly creative billboard and pamphlet imagery shows poor campaign branding control.

    The New Zealand First flag waving will unfortunately work. Winston looked like he was about to break out into the Tom Jones hit Delilah, such was the rhetorical volume. All the over 65 girls go ahhhhh.

    Great to see the Act leader walking the grounds of Alan Gibbs’ sculptural park, with clearly no funding left for reasonable production values or sequencing. Sorry Act, they’ll let you walk on their land, but the 1%ers no long need your parliamentary representation.

    • Colonial Viper 9.1

      The Greens’ urban street imagery was as jarring to its primary imagery as it could possibly get. The dissonance between their highly creative billboard and pamphlet imagery shows poor campaign branding control.

      I was sitting with a crowd of Labour supporters in Dunedin South, we actually thought that the Green ad had ended several times because of the break points/finish screens within it. And then it started up again…

      • hoom 9.1.1

        The Greens’ urban street imagery was playing to the middle class constituency ‘We care about urban people stuff, not just dolphins & national parks’

        • karol 9.1.1.1

          Actually, I think the whole approach is about countering the mythology that the Greens are a white. middle class, provincial party.

          In the past they have been criticisied for not having a strong presence in Auckland. They showed lots of images of Auckland, and are showing they have an understanding of what it’s like to be fairly poor – facing the realities of people’s struggles.

          But, I guess it doesn’t matter what they do, some people will just keep saying they are a middle class pakeha party.

  10. Glenn 10

    Loved IMPs ” Jetson type Cartoon”. Something completely different. Then today Pam opened her mouth and screwed up…..Oh Boy.
    http://tvnz.co.nz/vote-2014-news/reporter-called-puffed-up-little-sh-t-internet-party-staffer-6063299

  11. MeToo 12

    Shame the comments are disabled on the ACT ad – I wanted to point out that “everything” starts with and “e”…

  12. MeToo 13

    Conservatives video is on the Vote Conservative NZ facebook page.

  13. Tobias Tohill 14

    Is the ACT video for real? It seems like a satirical hoax – can their election campaign video really be that bad? I mean, what is the location for it – it looks like the set of Teletubbies?!

    Struth!

    The Labour video works well, except for Cunliffe. That man seems genuine, but God bless him, he’s just really unlikeable on screen. Gets their policy across well.

    The Greens video has done well, on topic and well-targeted at their voter base. A bit of choice editing would have helped, perhaps a little more focus on some of their more inspired policies too.

    The most surprising of them was the Internet Mana clip – original, likely to catch an audience the others will miss and likely to give them a good shot at 5% or more of the vote. Shame it wasn’t a bit funnier, that way it might have gotten more social media uptake.

    National’s video was also well-directed to their voter base, but so very bland and elitist, and the interview with Key is a yawn. Vote for the john key and open the door to another long drop.

    What about NZ First? Given the consistently low reporting in polls of NZ First, which always comes out higher in actual election day results, it seems reasonably likely that NZ First will cross 5% on election day. After all, it’s polling at 4.3% right now. What will be the make-up of the parliament in the case of NZ First staying in. Let’s assume that National does as well as it did last election, as it usually sheds a few percentage points from the polls in the actual election results. Let’s assume Labour also does about the same as it did in the last election, but the Greens pick up to 15% and NZ First gets 5%, both gaining from the fall out of “Dirty Politics”. This would means something like National 47% (59 seats) Labour 26% (33 seats) Greens 15% (18 seats?) NZ First 5% (6 seats?) and then Internet Mana 4 seats (based on current polling and assume Hone Harawira holds his electoral seat), Act 1 seat, United Future 1 seat and Maori Party 1 seat (on current polls). This will mean it’s 61 seats on the right for National / Act / UP against 55 seats on the left for Labour / Greens / Internet Mana. With 6 seats between them, NZ First and the Maori Party would hold the balance of power and could decide the government. If National ties Maori Party into a coalition agreement, then it’s a hung parliament. I think it’s very likely NZ First will gain more supporters once people realise NZ First on 7% could make it the power that decides the next government. Perhaps Winston is right that the media are out to get him – after all, why hasn’t there been any reporting on this likelihood at all?

  14. Hanswurst 15

    John Key is just full of corporate platitudes. Great swathes of what he says don’t make sense. Case in point: He says that if we can just “stay the course” then we will achieve a “step-change”. It’s just a formula saying that “If we can [something probably good], then we can [something else probably good]”, and is really nothing but a seeming contradiction. “If we can just keep struggling on as we are, we’ll sudenly change gears”… OK. If the actual meaning of the words hasn’t been considered by the person speaking them, then it’s safe to say that they are quite content to talk bullshit, and that they have enough contempt for their audience to think that they’ll just swallow it.

  15. Hanswurst 16

    It’s also amusing that ACT, the bunch who are always on about personal responsibility and freedom, have a bunch of statements saying, “You want this”, “You want that”. If (as one would suspect) it’s ACT telling people that, if they’re right-thinking individuals, they want what ACT wants, then it’s talking down to people at best, bullying at worst. If it’s ACT telling people that those are the results of a survey of voters, then ACT are advocating the acquiescence of individuals to a collective view, which is the exact opposite of what they purport to stand for. Either way, it’s intellectually weak… and fronted by a philosopher.

    Couple that with Hide’s perkbuster-to-perktrougher capers and the number of convicted criminals who have represented this “law and order” party, and one would have to conclude that the ironies will just never cease with that pack of hypocrites.

  16. wtl 17

    ACT: Now online! Watch it! It’s the funniest thing broadcast this year and may have actually been made using Windows MovieMaker, it’s that budget.

    I think the reason they spent so little on the broadcast is that they using all their amount of money on directly spamming mailing voters in Epsom.

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    As the Brexit saga staggers on, the focus is naturally enough on the Prime Minister and his attempts to achieve Brexit “do or die”. But the role played by the Leader of the Opposition is of almost equal interest and complexity. The first problem for Jeremy Corbyn is that he ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    1 week ago
  • A ditch for him to die in
    Last week, English Prime Minister Boris Johnson boldly declared that he would rather die be dead in a ditch than delay Brexit. Unfortunately for him, the UK parliament accepted the challenge, and promptly dug one for him. The "rebellion bill" requires him to ask for and secure yet another temporary ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Warning! Warning! Danger Jacinda Ardern! Danger Marama Davidson! Warning!
    Lost In Political Space: The most important takeaway from this latest Labour sexual assault scandal, which (if I may paraphrase Nixon’s White House counsel’s, John Dean’s, infamous description of Watergate) is “growing like a cancer” on the premiership, is the Labour Party organisation’s extraordinary professional paralysis in the face of ...
    1 week ago
  • Union solidarity with Ihumatao land occupation
    by Daphna Whitmore Every Sunday for the past two months unionists from First Union, with supporters from other unions, have set out to the Ihumatao land protest, put up gazebos and gas barbeques, and cooked food for a few hundred locals and supporters who have come from across the country. ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    1 week ago
  • Climate Change: The wrong kind of trees?
    Newsroom today has an excellent, in-depth article on pine trees as carbon sinks. The TL;DR is that pine is really good at soaking up carbon, but people prefer far-less efficient native forests instead. Which is understandable, but there's two problems: firstly, we've pissed about so long on this problem that ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • No freedom of speech in Turkey
    Canan Kaftancioglu is a Turkish politician and member of the opposition Republican People's Party (CHP). Like most modern politicians, she tweets, and uses the platform to criticise the Turkish government. She has criticised them over the death of a 14-year-old boy who was hit by a tear gas grenade during ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Speaker: Tadhg Stopford: Why I’m standing for the ADHB
    Hi there, just call me Tim.We face tough problems, and I’d like to help, because there are solutions.An Auckand District Health Board member has nominated me for as a candidate for the ADHB, because her MS-related pain and fatigue is reduced with hemp products from Rotorua.  Nothing else helped her. If I ...
    1 week ago
  • Good little vassals
    The Inspector-General of Intelligence and Security has published their report on whether the SIS and GCSB had any complicity in American torture. And its damning. The pull quote is this:The Inquiry found both agencies, but to a much greater degree, the NZSIS, received many intelligence reports obtained from detainees who, ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Who Shall We Turn To When God, And Uncle Sam, Cease To Defend New Zealand?
    Bewhiskered Cassandra? Professor Hugh White’s chilling suggestion, advanced to select collections of academic, military and diplomatic Kiwi experts over the course of the past week, is that the assumptions upon which Australia and New Zealand have built their foreign affairs and defence policies for practically their entire histories – are ...
    1 week ago
  • The Politics of Opposition
    For most of the time I was a British MP, my party was out of government – these were the Thatcher years, when it was hard for anyone else to get a look-in. As a front-bencher and shadow minister, I became familiar with the strategies required in a parliamentary democracy ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    1 week ago
  • More expert comments on the Canadian fluoride-IQ paper
    The Green et al (2019) fluoride/IQ is certainly controversial – as would be expected from its subject (see If at first you don’t succeed . . . statistical manipulation might help and Politics of science – making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear). Anti-fluoride campaigners have been actively promoting it ...
    1 week ago
  • The return to guerrilla war in Colombia
    by Gearóid Ó Loingsigh On August 29th a video in which veteran FARC (Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia) commander Iván Márquez announced that they had taken up arms again was released. There was no delay in the reaction to it, from longtime Liberal Party figure and former president Uribe, for ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    1 week ago
  • Air New Zealand identifies this enormous plot of unused land as possible second airport site
    Air New Zealand couldn’t believe its luck that this seemingly ideal piece of real estate had so far gone entirely unnoticed. Air New Zealand’s search for a site to build a second Auckland Airport may have made a breakthrough this afternoon, after employees scanning Google satellite imagery spotted a huge, ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Redline on the Labour Party
    No-one on the anti-capitalist left in this country today puts forward a case that Labour is on the side of the working class.  There are certainly people who call themselves ‘socialist’ who do, but they are essentially liberals with vested interests in Labourism – often for career reasons. Nevertheless, there ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    2 weeks ago
  • New Fisk
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Labour’s failure
    When National was in government and fucking over the poor for the benefit of the rich, foodbanks were a growth industry. And now Labour is in charge, nothing has changed: A huge demand for emergency food parcels means the Auckland City Mission is struggling to prepare for the impending arrival ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Ardern attempts to vaccinate Clarke Gayford live on television to prove that it’s safe
    Gayford, pictured here on The Project, before things got wildly out of control. A bold public relations move by the Government to encourage parents to vaccinate their children has gone horribly wrong. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern appeared on tonight’s episode of Three’s The Project, where the plan was for her ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Has Mr. Whippy gone too far by parking on our front lawns?
    Mr. Whippy’s business model has driven it down a dark road of intimidation. Residents in major centres around the country are becoming disgruntled by the increasingly aggressive actions of purported ice cream company Mr. Whippy, who have taken to parking on people’s front lawns and doorsteps in a desperate attempt ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Cleaning up the water
    Today the government released its Action Plan for Healthy Waterways, aimed at cleaning up our lakes and rivers. Its actually quite good. There will be protection for wetlands, better standards for swimming spots, a requirement for continuous improvement, and better standards for wastewater and stormwater. But most importantly, there's a ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Fronting up
    Today I appeared before the Environment Committee to give an oral submission on the Zero Carbon Bill. Over 1,500 people have asked to appear in person, so they've divided into subcommittees and are off touring the country, giving people a five minute slot each. The other submitters were a mixed ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Politics of science – making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear
    Anti-fluoride activists have some wealthy backers – they are erecting billboards misrepresenting the Canadian study on many New Zealand cities – and local authorities are ordering their removal because of their scaremongering. Many New Zealanders ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Democracy – I Don’t Think So
    So, those who “know best” have again done their worst. While constantly claiming to be the guardians of democracy and the constitution, and respecters of the 2016 referendum result, diehard Remainers (who have never brought themselves to believe that their advice could have been rejected) have striven might and main ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    2 weeks ago
  • Government says it will now build just one really nice home
    Following publication of this article, the Ministry has requested it to be noted that this supplied image is not necessarily representative of what the final house will look like, and it “probably won’t be that nice.” As part of today’s long-anticipated reset of the Government’s flagship KiwiBuild policy, Housing Minister ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Imperialism and your cup of coffee
    Over the next week or two we will be running three synopses of parts of the opening chapter of John Smith’s Imperialism in the 21st Century (New York, Monthly Review Press, 2016).  The synopsis and commentary below is written by Phil Duncan. Marx began Capital not with a sweeping historical ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Still juking the stats
    The State Services Commission and Ombudsman have released another batch of OIA statistics, covering the last six months. Request volumes are up, and the core public service is generally handling them within the legal timeframe, though this may be because they've learned to extend rather than just ignore things. And ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Hard News: Time for a New Deal: 25 years on
    In 1994, I was editing an ambitious street mag called Planet, from a fabled office at at 309 Karangahape Road. The thirteenth issue of the magazine was published in the winter of that year and its cover embodied a particularly ambitious goal: the end of cannabis prohibition.I wanted to do ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Not impressed
    KiwiBuild was one of the Ardern government's core policies. The government would end the housing crisis and make housing affordable again by building 100,000 new homes. Of course, it didn't work out like that: targets weren't met, the houses they did build were in the wrong place, and the whole ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Solar beats coal
    As the climate crisis escalates, it is now obvious that we need to radically decarbonise our economy. The good news is that its looking easy and profitable for the energy sector. Wind is already cheaper than fossil fuels, and now solar is too:The levellised cost of solar PV has fallen ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago

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