Caption contest
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5:00 pm, November 27th, 2014 - 116 comments
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... 
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Labour is backing Christchurch City Councilâs decision not to do business with firms involved in Israelâs illegal settlements in the Occupied Territories. ...1 week ago
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The Government has created a hostile environment for companies seeking to build offshore wind farms. ...1 week ago
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Te PÄti MÄori is enraged at the National governmentâs ruthless punishment of beneficiaries, all while jobs are disappearing. MSD data shows a 133% increase in sanctions over the past year, with over 14,000 sanctions in just three months. The kicker? The jobs this government insists people should find are nowhere ...2 weeks ago
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Te PÄti MÄori MP for Waiariki, Rawiri Waititi, says todayâs police-sponsored terrorism in ĹpĹtiki is a continuation of the Stateâs predatory behaviour towards the iwi of Te WhakatĹhea. "ĹpĹtiki is once again being intentionally targeted and is the direct byproduct of this Governmentâs 'tough on crime' legislative changes,â said MP ...2 weeks ago
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The Government has gone back on its word and cut the full school lunch programme in primary schools after saying it wouldnât. ...2 weeks ago
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The Government is subverting parliamentary process on laws the evidence already shows donât work. ...2 weeks ago
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The National Government is treading water on a much-needed review of the Retirement Villages Act, kicking any amendments down the road till the next parliamentary term in 2027. ...2 weeks ago
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Nationalâs fast track bill enables the most radical and unbalanced consenting regime in living memory. ...2 weeks ago
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Despite resounding public opposition, the fast-track legislation is being pushed through Parliament with provisions that could have real consequences for people and planet. ...2 weeks ago
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Sanctions on beneficiaries have sky-rocketed since the Coalition Government came to power, pushing more families into poverty. ...2 weeks ago
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The Governmentâs cuts to the Apprenticeship Boost programme will leave New Zealand without the workforce it needs to build homes, schools and hospitals. ...3 weeks ago
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While todayâs inflation numbers are good news for Kiwis, there are still struggles ahead with rising rents, rates, insurance and high unemployment. ...3 weeks ago
- CPI figures show rents continuing to soar
Stats NZ has confirmed that higher rent prices were the biggest contributor to the annual inflation rate. Almost a fifth of the 2.2 per cent annual increase in the CPI was due to rent prices. ...3 weeks ago
- New Charter to guarantee better access for hunting and fishing
Minister for Hunting and Fishing Todd McClay has today launched an Access Charter (the Charter) to ensure better access for recreational hunting and fishing on public conservation land (PCL) across New Zealand. âThis Charter establishes guiding principles for the Department of Conservation (DOC) to provide clear and transparent decisions on ...22 hours ago - Pou Whenua blessing honours Tongariro
A beautiful new Pou Whenua at the beginning of the Tongariro Alpine Crossing will introduce visitors to the sacred landscape they are entering, says Conservation Minister Tama Potaka. Mr Potaka attended a blessing for the specially carved Pou Whenua at Mangatepopo, at the start of the track on 1 November. ...2 days ago
- New members appointed to the NZTA Board
Transport Minister Simeon Brown has today announced two new appointments to the New Zealand Transport Agency (NZTA) Board. Mary-Anne Macleod and Mike Rudge have both been appointed as members for three-year terms commencing 1 November 2024 and ending 31 October 2027. âTransport is a critical part of our Governmentâs plan ...2 days ago
- Welcome relief from new oestradiol gel funding
Associate Health Minister David Seymour is welcoming Pharmacâs funding of oestradiol gel, following global shortages of oestradiol patches earlier this year. âIâm well aware of the stress caused by the global shortage earlier this year. At the time I said I was confident Pharmac was working hard to find a ...2 days ago
- Deputy Prime Minister visit to Australia
Foreign Minister and Racing Minister Winston Peters will visit Australia next week. âAustralia is New Zealandâs closest partner, and we are pleased to make this second official visit there for 2024 following the first ever Foreign and Defence Ministers 2+2 Meeting between our two countries in Melbourne in January,â ...2 days ago
- Applications now open for new training pathway
Applications have now opened for tertiary education organisations to seek Government funding to develop New Zealandâs first postgraduate diploma programme for associate psychologists, Minister for Mental Health Matt Doocey announced today. âInvestment in this new training pathway supports the Governmentâs target to grow our mental health and addiction workforce and ...2 days ago
- Increased medicines access continues following budget boost
Associate Health Minister with responsibility for Pharmac David Seymour is pleased to see further increased availability of medicines for Kiwis following the Governmentâs increased investment in Pharmac. âPharmac operates independently, but it must work within the budget constraints set by the Government,â says Mr Seymour. âWhen this Government assumed office, ...2 days ago
- New Zealand concludes high quality trade deal with the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC)
New Zealand and the six-nation Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) have concluded negotiations on a trade agreement that will open up significant opportunities for New Zealand exporters in the Gulf region, Minister for Trade and Agriculture Todd McClay announced from Doha today. Todayâs announcement follows significant reengagement with the GCC following meetings ...2 days ago
- Government seeks views on remote court attendance
The Government is exploring how to modernise the law around people attending court remotely, to support access to justice and enhance court performance. Courts Minister Nicole McKee says the current law has not kept up with evolving court practices and public attitudes to the use of remote technology, nor been ...3 days ago
- Breast screening age extension begins in Nelson Marlborough
Free breast screening has been extended for 70 to 74-year-old women living in the Nelson Marlborough district, ahead of a national roll-out late next year, Health Minister Dr Shane Reti announced today. âBreast cancer is the most common cancer in New Zealand with about 3,400 women diagnosed with the disease ...3 days ago
- Te MÄori Manaaki Taonga Trust Board strengthened
He toi whakairo, he mana tangata. The reappointment of one trustee and the appointment of four new trustees to the Te MÄori Manaaki Taonga Trust Board will enable the legacy of Te MÄori to be carried forward into the future, MÄori Development Minister Tama Potaka and Arts Minister Paul Goldsmith ...3 days ago
- Affordable housing project supporting home ownership
Up to 300 affordable, healthy, community-tailored homes helping to support home ownership are set to be built in eastern Porirua, supported by Government funding for Our Whare Our Fale through the Building Homes for Pacific in Porirua initiative, Minister for Pacific Peoples Dr Shane Reti and Associate Housing Minister Tama ...3 days ago
- Dire benefit forecasts show the need for Welfare that Works
A new report that forecasts young people on benefits will spend an average of 20 more years relying on welfare underscores the need for the Governmentâs reforms, Social Development and Employment Minister Louise Upston says. MSDâs latest Benefit System Insights report, released today, which estimates how many future years different ...3 days ago
- Trade Minister travels to Doha for GCC trade discussions
Trade Minister Todd McClay will hold trade discussions with Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) trade ministers in Doha this week. Minister McClay will meet with all six GCC Trade Ministers, as well as the GCC Secretary General. âThis will be my seventh visit to the region this year including two Ministerial ...4 days ago
- Podiatry prescribers will boost patient care
Health Minister Dr Shane Reti and Associate Minister David Seymour say itâs great news that podiatrists will soon be able to prescribe medicines, meaning patients with painful foot and leg conditions donât have to make a separate trip to the doctor. âThis simple step means a big change for people ...4 days ago
- Historic redress inequities finally resolved for Lake Alice Unit survivors
The Government is addressing historic redress inequities for some survivors abused at the Lake Alice Child and Adolescent Unit. In 2001, the Crown reached a $6.5 million group settlement with 95 survivors subjected to abuse at the Lake Alice Unit. Law firm Grant Cameron & Associates (now GCA Lawyers) represented ...4 days ago
- ERO report shows Governmentâs truancy emphasis is vital
Associate Education Minister David Seymour says that the Education Review Officeâs (ERO) timely report on chronic school absence released today is further evidence of a truancy crisis. âChronic absence has doubled since 2015. This report reinforces that action is needed to ensure this generation reaches its full potential,â says Associate ...4 days ago
- Minister welcomes business view on AML
Associate Justice Minister Nicole McKee welcomes BusinessNZâs report which addresses reducing the compliance burden on small businesses. âThe challenges outlined in the report released today echo many of the concerns I have heard from businesses, which have informed my Anti Money Laundering/Countering Financing Terrorism (AML/CFT) priorities,â she says. âI have ...5 days ago
- Mangamuka Gorge opening in time for Christmas
State Highway 1 through the Mangamuka Gorge will be open for Christmas, with critical work currently underway to clear the large slips and dropouts that have caused significant disruption for Northlanders trying to get where they want to go quickly and safely, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. âThe Mangamuka Gorge ...5 days ago
- Trusted building professionals able to self-certify
The Government is proposing further significant action to reform the building and construction sector to support more affordable homes and a stronger economy, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. âIf we want to grow the economy, lift incomes, create jobs and build more affordable, quality homes we need a ...5 days ago
- New appointments to the TEC board
Dr Alan Bollard CNZM and Mr Bharat Guha have been appointed to the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) board, Tertiary Education and Skills Minister Penny Simmonds says. âI would like to welcome the two new members joining the TEC board,â Ms Simmonds says. âDr Alan Bollard CNZM is an experienced public ...5 days ago
- Move to fast-track overseas doctors welcomed
Fast tracking applications for registration by eligible specialist doctors wanting to practice in New Zealand is in line with the Governmentâs push to improve the health outcomes for New Zealanders, Health Minister Dr Shane Reti says. This fast-track pathway applies to specialists trained in anaesthesia, dermatology, emergency medicine, general practice, ...5 days ago
- Address to Western Sydney University: Constitutional and Rule of Law challenges in current global en...
TÄnÄ koutou Nau mai haere mai ki tenei hui Thank you to Vice Chancellor Williams, and the University of Western Sydney, for inviting me to speak today. I speak to you today in my capacity as Attorney-General â the New Zealand Crownâs Senior Law Officer. In this capacity, I serve ...5 days ago
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Minister responsible for the security and intelligence agencies Judith Collins has welcomed new guidance that aims to protect New Zealandâs start-up and emerging technology sector from the threat of economic espionage. âWe are a nation well-known for our ingenuity, and our willingness to openly collaborate in the spirit of enterprise ...5 days ago
- Funding support to strengthen frontline volunteer service organisations
The Government has approved $23.1 million for four critical frontline volunteer service organisations to replace storm-damaged assets and provide training and equipment to improve New Zealandâs response to future emergency events, Transport Minister Simeon Brown and Associate Transport Minister Matt Doocey says. $14.6 million for Surf Life Saving New ...6 days ago
- Jones heads to international mining conference
Resources Minister Shane Jones will speak at Australia's largest annual mining event in Sydney this week to mark New Zealandâs return to the international industry stage. Mr Jones will attend the International Mining and Resources Conference (IMARC) where he will update the sectorâs most influential players on the work the ...7 days ago
- NZ investing in Pacific disaster preparedness & climate resilience
New Zealand will contribute $20 million to the Pacific Resilience Facility, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters have announced. âThe Pacific Islands region faces severe challenges from natural disasters and climate change impacts and New Zealand is committed to doing its part to help meet them,â ...1 week ago
- Police to increase presence on Auckland public transport
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- Government funds helicopter replacements
The Government is investing in eight new emergency helicopters to replace some of New Zealandâs ageing air ambulance fleet, Associate Health Minister Casey Costello and ACC Minister Matt Doocey announced today. âOur air ambulance helicopters play a vital role in saving lives around New Zealand,â Casey Costello says. âThis is ...1 week ago
- China and New Zealand strengthen organic trade
An uplift to New Zealandâs organic product trade is expected through a new upgraded arrangement with China, Food Safety Minister Andrew Hoggard says.âThe upgraded Mutual Recognition Arrangement (MRA) for organic products will deliver opportunities for our organic export sector.âThe upgraded MRA was signed in Central Otago today by Andrew Hoggard ...1 week ago
- Judicial appointments announced
Attorney-General Judith Collins today announced two Court of Appeal and two High Court appointments. The four appointments will take effect on 21 November 2024 and are: Justice Christine French Justice French, who has been appointed President of the Court of Appeal, graduated with an LLB (Honours) from the University of Otago ...1 week ago
- Tuatapere Hump Ridge Track becomes New Zealandâs 11th Great Walk
Conservation Minister Tama Potaka joined tangata whenua from NgÄi Tahu and local community members today to celebrate the opening of New Zealandâs eleventh Great Walk â the Tuatapere Hump Ridge Track. âThe 60km upgraded track provides the opportunity to do one of New Zealandâs world-class multi-day walks, and will bring ...1 week ago
- New Chief Criminal Cases Review Commissioner
The Honourable Denis Clifford has been appointed Chief Commissioner of the Criminal Cases Review Commission, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. Hon Clifford brings a wealth of expertise and experience that will prove invaluable to the Commission. âHe has served as a judge at both the Court of Appeal and High ...1 week ago
- Changes to improve building fire safety
The Government is progressing changes to better protect Kiwis and their property from fires, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. âFollowing the tragic Loaferâs Lodge fire in 2023, 37 boardings houses across the country were assessed and I am pleased to say that all fire safety recommendations from the ...1 week ago
- Germany and New Zealand partner to support agriculture and tackle global emissions
New Zealand and Germany have announced the official start of a partnership aimed at supporting the agriculture sector and tackle global agricultural greenhouse gas emissions Agriculture Minister Todd McClay announced today. âThe partnership, called the Alliance for the Climate â Dialogue on Climate and Agriculture between New Zealand and Germany (Agri-DENZ project), ...1 week ago
- New members appointed to the Waitangi Tribunal
MÄori Development Minister Tama Potaka today confirmed the appointment of two new members to the Waitangi Tribunal, as well as the reappointment of Kevin Prime. The members appointed and reappointed are: Hon Richard Prebble (CBE). Mr Prebble is a former Cabinet Minister where he held a broad range of portfolios. ...1 week ago
- New appointments to the Local Government Commission
Local Government Minister Simeon Brown has today announced the reappointment of the current Chair and the appointment of a temporary member to the Local Government Commission.Current Chair Brendan Duffy ONZM has been reappointed as Chair for a one-year term ending 23 October 2025, while Gwen Bull CNZM will be joining ...1 week ago
- New Electoral Commission Chair appointed
Today the House agreed to Justice Simon Moore KC being appointed chair of the Electoral Commission, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. âJustice Moore brings with him a high level of legal acumen and decision-making ability, strategic planning skills and unquestionable personal integrity and independence. âHe retired from the High Court ...1 week ago
- Education Minister attending conference in Australia
The Education Minister is travelling to Australia today to attend the 23rd edition of public policy conference, Consilium. âNew Zealand and Australia share common challenges and aspirations for education. New South Wales has recently introduced a new curriculum that is explicit, sequenced and knowledge based while Victoria is requiring structured ...1 week ago
- Launching VisAble to enable safer lives
The launch of new community advocacy group VisAble signals an important development in community advocacy to achieve more focus on the needs and rights of disabled people in the family violence and sexual violence system. Minister for the Prevention of Family and Sexual Violence, Karen Chhour, and Disabilities Issues Minister, ...1 week ago
- Parliament Library became haunted house for Halloween
Most people might not call Parliament a normal place, but some call it a paranormal place. ...1 hour ago - Healthcare needs go beyond the physical
Opinion: Recent Census data highlights our increasingly secular and multi-faith context. More than half of Aotearoa New Zealand’s population does not identify with any particular faith tradition, and just 32 percent are Christian, down from 36.5 percent in 2018.For people whose spirituality is not associated with a faith or belief ...1 hour ago - Three reasons Americaâs democracy is under threat
For just a few weeks shy of eight years now, a certain class of Americans have been walking around in something close to a daze. The election of Donald Trump in 2016 blew to smithereens decades of conventional wisdom about the way many Americans view politics.The ensuing years have seen ...2 hours ago
- Palau newspaper sued by presidentâs family company ahead of general election
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By Caleb Fotheringham, RNZ Pacific journalist Cook Islands Prime Minister Mark Brown has returned from New Caledonia saying it is not a simple âblack and white situationâ. Brown returned from a three-day Pacific fact-finding mission in the French Pacific territory alongside the Prime Ministers of Solomon Islands, Tonga and Fiji. ...18 hours ago
- Another Palestinian journalist killed in Gaza as Israel âsuffocates the truthâ
âIn his message for the day, the secretary-general underscores that a free press is fundamental to human rights, to democracy and to the rule of law,â Dujarric said. âAlarming rate of fatalitiesââRecent years have seen an alarming rate of fatalities in conflict zones, particularly in Gaza, which has seen the ...19 hours ago
- Chris Penk lays foundations for self-certified building scheme
As the government sets about laying the foundations for tradespeople to sign off their own work, RNZ sits down with the minister responsible to hammer out the details. ...21 hours ago
- Short story: 3rd place, Sargeson Prize
WinterI still think of Michael often. We first met at Grace’s thirty-first birthday party. I was sitting outside on the back deck when he came out through the sliding glass doors. He was pulling a pouch from his coat pocket.“You want a smoke?” he asked, planting himself on the bench ...1 day ago
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MondayI sat in at a team meeting to discuss our suicide prevention fundraising event this Friday night in Dunedin and was told we were struggling to gain an alcohol licence from the council.âTell them Mike King is behind it,â I said. âMy name opens doors. Do you see that door? It ...1 day ago
- The making of Donald Trump
It’s taken six years, but The Apprentice, the film former US President Donald Trump didn’t want anyone to see, is finally out in cinemas, just ahead of the US presidential election.There was so much back-and-forth around whether or not the production would go ahead that by the time filming was ...1 day ago
- Where the brain goes, the gut will follow
Comment: There has been a growing understanding of the powerful two-way connection between our stomach and brain in recent years, suitably named the gut-brain connection. This link is so strong that the gut is sometimes nicknamed our âsecond brainâ, highlighting how real your âgut feelingsâ can be. If you’ve ever ...1 day ago
- The Weekend: When the tide turns
Madeleine Chapman reflects on the week that was. The window in which to âhave an opinionâ on an unfolding news story is shockingly small. Just as large newsrooms know that being âthe firstâ to publish a breaking news story is often more important than anything written in it â ever ...1 day ago - Let people respond to the haka how they want to
Cultural challenges are an integral part of sports, but how teams respond has been a point of debate for some time. Self-proclaimed âloose headâ England prop Joe Marler called for the haka to be scrapped earlier this week, before âclarifyingâ what he meant, attempting to pivot his statement, and then ...1 day ago
- âIâve never lived it downâ: The Breakfast live cross that still haunts Jack Tame
The TVNZ broadcaster reflects on his life in television, including a full circle moment with David Attenborough, his favourite politicians to interview and why heâll never watch Game of Thrones. Jack Tame spends most of his time grilling our own MPs, but at the moment his heart is somewhere else. ...1 day ago
- âSo subtle, yet so chaoticâ: Wiri Donnaâs perfect weekend playlist
Wellingtonâs Wiri Donna shares her perfect weekend playlist. Bianca Bailey is the lead singer, guitarist and songwriter behind the chamber-pop project Wiri Donna, which recently released its second EP, In My Chambers. âIâm feeling a little vulnerable about it, almost like Iâm about to out myself as an angry person. ...1 day ago
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Three teenage barbers in Mt Albert have capitalised on a viral haircut to build businesses on Instagram. Duncan Greive gets a haircut and a lesson in modern business. Photography by Jin Fellet. âWhen I first started cutting hair, I messed up my friend really badly,â says Ali. I shiver involuntarily ...1 day ago
- A new novel imagines a New Zealand version of the conservative South Asian grifter
Thereâs little to like about figures like American politician Vivek Ramaswamy, but there is a lot to learn. Earlier this year, American politician and failed Republican candidate, Vivek Ramaswamy, hosted notorious bagpipe, Ann Coulter, on his podcast. They talked for an hour, and frankly thereâs no way Iâm going to ...1 day ago
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https://player.vimeo.com/api/player.jsKatherine Mansfield left New Zealand when she was 19 years old and died at the age of 34.In her short life she became our most famous short story writer, acquiring an international reputation for her stories, poetry, letters, journals and reviews. Biographies on Mansfield have been translated into 51 ...
1 day ago - Podcast: Giving employees what they want, when they want it
Fintechs are changing the way we spend and save, but they are also set to change the way we could be paid for work, or more correctly, how workers receive fringe benefits. As New Zealanders weâre used to having the bulk of our remuneration paid as an electronic payment ...1 day ago
- Albanese promises changes to HELP repayment arrangements to ease cost of living
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra People repaying HELP student debts would get cost-of-living relief under changes to repayment arrangements to be announced by Prime Minister Anthony Albanese on Sunday. The minimum threshold for repayments to start would be lifted ...1 day ago
- Philippine Supreme Court orders âtemporary protectionâ for abducted environmental activist
By Jairo Bolledo in Manila The Philippine Supreme Court has granted temporary protection to an environmental activist abducted in Pangasinan earlier this year. In its resolution dated September 9 â but only made public this week â the court granted Francisco âEcoâ Dangla IIIâs petition for temporary protection, and prohibited ...1 day ago
- Politics with Michelle Grattan: Bruce Wolpe says personal relations between Trump and Albanese would...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra Days from the US presidential election, the polls are showing the outcome of the race between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump remains a nail biter. With the United States our closest ally, the result ...1 day ago
- Indo-Fijian âlisten to usâ plea to NZ over Pacific ethnicity classification
By Lydia Lewis, RNZ Pacific presenter/Bulletin editor Fiji Prime Minister Sitiveni Rabuka says that as far as Fiji is concerned, Fijians of Indian descent are Fijian. While Fiji is part of the Pacific, Indo-Fijians are not classified as Pacific peoples in New Zealand; instead, they are listed under Indian and ...1 day ago
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Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Lauren Ball, Professor of Community Health and Wellbeing, The University of Queensland KieferPix/Shutterstock Water is essential for daily functioning and health, and we can only survive a few days without it. Yet we constantly lose water through sweat, urination and even ...2 days ago
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Come next Tuesday, the world will be watching Nate Young and his team â literally. There are now 21 livestream cameras showing early voter ballot drop-off locations and the inner-workings of the Maricopa County Tabulation and Election Center.The 24/7 livestreams that capture election employeesâ every move might seem like overkill, but ...2 days ago
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Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Alexa Scarlata, Research Fellow, Media & Communication, RMIT University As I write this, people around the country will be recovering from last nightâs Halloween shenanigans, perhaps even experiencing a candy-induced comedown. Luckily, this monthâs streaming picks include a serial killer flick thatâll ...2 days ago
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Dunedin's district licensing committee has granted a special licence for alcohol sales at a fashion show on Saturday that is raising money for a suicide prevention charity. ...2 days ago
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Natzional’s last stand.
DriftWood.
Actually: adriftwood
King Canute tries to keep the land back.
On the beach redux
“Hear Ye, lowly molluscs and other sub-tidal entities….”
Tide goes out on National.
who is it..?
National – turning our backs to climate change.
woody pitches for a re-make of ‘the piano’..
..to be called ‘the lectern’…
Civil Defense finds Woodhouses’s speeches more effective than sirens at clearing beaches in an emergency
Potato lol -1000
this is the economic boat..
..that key/national promised to float…
our airforce..doing live-ammunition exercises…
‘woody’ recreates his ancestors arrival in nz..
..(i understand they brought nz’s first ever lectern with them..)
woody unveils groundbreaking new national party economic-initiative..
..the solar-powered/amphibious-lectern…
speaking to reporters woody extolled the export-possibilities of this ‘exciting’ new initiative..
..saying it will become de riguer for all politicians/captains-of-industry to have one..
..woody says that on a calm day..he pops over to waiheke on his..
..or he cruises the beaches of auckland..
..and can give speeches to both passing-craft..and beachgoers..
..’you can always feel secure’..said woody..’your genitals are always covered/protected..
..no more standing there feeling vulnerable/exposed/naked as you preach to the peasants..
..you just grab the no-slip grips on the poly-lectern..knowing yr family-jewels are protected on three sides’..
And now for something completely different
lol
“No.1: The Larch.”
Still lolling đ
lol also
Yep absolute LOL …
“I’m the king of the world!!”
At last St Woody, inspired by desperation, went down to the sea-shore, where the river runs into the sea, and having placed himself on a bank between the river and the sea, he began to speak to the fishes as if Woger had sent him to preach to them, and said: “Listen to the word of Woger, O ye fishes of the sea and of the river, and you rancid cetaceans, seeing that honest people and hard working people refuse to do so.”
All washed up.
tsunami? no its a left wing conspiracy i tell ya!
We shall go on to the end. We shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength on the air, we shall sell our islands, whatever the cost may be. We shall sell them on the beaches, we shall sell them on the landing grounds, we shall sell them in the fields and in the streets, we shall sell them in the hills; we shall surrender everything. For money.
To all of my supporters, gathered here today I say
John Key had a dream…
And here I am!
“There’s a woman down the end with a couple of kids and a bucket. Perhaps she wants to listen to me talk about how our new employment laws will help workers enjoy their lives ?”
That ladywith a bucket – any toheroa you find is Crown property!
woody suddenly realises..that for him..
..the tide will never come in..
“Ladies and gentlemen, in this lot we have the foreshore and seabed going for steal. Shall we commence the bidding! “
“Anyone makes a joke about John Key and a whale stranding and I’m off”
or (for the westie surfers): keyhole obscured by arsehole.
Lol
Galoot succeeds. The waves retreat under the crushing weight of his rhetoric!
âAll the inhabitants of the world should know that the power of kings is vain and trivial, and that none is worthy the name of king but He whose command the heaven, earth and sea obey by eternal lawsâ
As we await this fleet of China!s ships,we can say we welcome them,we are now approaching a new venture in our lands development,reaching out to a culture like ours, innovative,and not afraid to take risks.We look forward to doing business with this dynamic culture.
Who has the contract to make the gumboots,whats his name,Sushi,Sushi,no its HOE.
woody pitches for a (low-cost) remake of ‘all the presidents’ men’..
..starring him and his mate in the hat…
Nationals latest campaign to prove that they are in touch with ‘real New Zealanders’.
Michael Woodhouse says ” I like to go down and spend the day at the beach just like everybody else”.
If a National Minister speaks to an empty beach who will hold him to account?
Police Minister launches new version of cardboard cutout cop. Guaranteed for sea-level rises of up to 30cm.
And now for the next asset sale, new zealands forshore.
what do hear for an opening bid, who will start off with a bid of 5 billion?
Latest asset sale? New Zealand for sure!
in an effort to keep flights to the provinces I’m proud to call this new runway open, take it away captain
I always practice my speeches on the beach. No hecklers. And I write my promises out on the sand – transparent for all to see. There they are in black and white, or rather light brown, or even in fifty shades of grey heh heh my little joke, and anyone can come and look at them before the tide comes in. But then though they are hidden from the public, they lie in my heart.
National is constructing an ark to survive climate change, starting with the poop deck.
@Yeah
+1
Cops to target all lecterns this summer.
Police say there will be a no lectern tolerance level this summer. However, the evaluation couldn’t confirm the statistical significance of a lectern decreases because of the small numbers involved.
Prime N Z beachfront for sale to the highest bidder! Be quick, won’t last long!
Where do I tie up the Donkey!
Thanks for coming mum.
You keep dissing the Key Man, and all you commies will be swimming with the fishes.
More rubbish washes up on beach
…. ’cause John told me to…
“Minister releases new sections for affordable housing initiative”
Hehe
“F***. I shouldn’t have mentioned ebola.”
First hot-air powered hovercraft crosses Tasman
lolz much.
Michael’s press conference didn’t go as planned once the media recieved a text that one of ‘The Block’ contestants was spotted in Pak’N’Save.
From his twitter account, Woodlouse loves photo ops with sporting celebs and hobnobbing around the world on the taxpayers dime. Never heard of him til now. The Nats also enjoyed endorsements by famous All Blacks ON ELECTION DAY.
Labour aren’t the only ones who can have a Foreshore and Seabed Act.
“We must build but we must build surely.”
Party Political Beach-
“NZ beaches go under the hammer in latest government asset sale”.
Of course I can order everyone out of the water and off the beach for a couple of hoiurs, for a photo-op …. don;t you know I am?
(no)
There was Woody giving an otherwise dull speech to the House – when suddenly the PM’s Infinite Improbability Generator kicked in.
Redlogix
+1
As he drifted into the afterlife, Dobby imagined he was giving a speech on the desolate beach that would be his ending…
In order for the announcement of this new law to be legally binding it must be made on sovereign New Zealand owned soil. We are told due to a small error on a land sales document that this small section we have placed this stage on is the last piece of it left in New Zealand.
Ouch!
Woodhouse floundering!
Trying out Nationals new strategy of avoiding whaleoil tsunami!
Imbeachment
Clever clogs
First sea trial for Nationals new life raft,does not go well for junior minister.
“Auckland traffic gridlock? Where? It’s just another dirty left-wing conspiracy”.
the new minister for flotsom and jetsam speaks to his constituency..
nationals’ media-mavens come up with yet another absolutely brilliant idea…
woody has an unusual hobby…
woodys’ scrapbook:..
..what i did on my hols…
very poor turnout for the woody fanclub beach-day…
woody shows off his new beach-suit…
when woody gets all existential and angsty…
..he likes to take one of his favourite lecterns to the beach..
..so they can chill-out together…
man in hat:..
‘it’s been three hours minister…i don’t think anyones’ coming’..
minister waits for mr whippy van..
… and what’s more, JK would never bend over for CS.
minister releases policy on global warming, population explosion and sea level rise.
‘We have four of these, which proves we take seriously our response capability to any deep sea oil spill”.
That made me laugh you got my vote. đ
” The government has signed a contract with the Hyundai ship building yard in Ulsan, South Korea to have them built. The vessels will be delivered in the first quarter of the new year.
Two will be docked and utilized from Port Taranaki while the third and fourth will be shared between the East Coast of the North Is and the maritime jurisdictions of the Canterbury and Deep South basin’s.”
Minister issues apology for Climate Change policy.
Government announces new spying laws, ” The local seals have nothing to fear”
Government announces new spying laws, ” The local seals have nothing to fear”, the Minister said.
Only Navy Seals, the Minister further advised.
Phil j a series of bonny motes!
” USA Double Agent seeks asylum in Tolega Bay “
“Government Minister announces further DOC restructuring”
” Sex On The Beach is now illegal under new terrorist law “
“Man arrested for impersonating a Government Minister in a public place”
Newsflash!
” Minister declares leadership coup! “
…And the Floating Lectern Cup is still NZ’s cup. Eat that Jimmy Spithill.
….. and now I will I dig a hole in the sand and do my ostrich impersonation…..
Johns Keys flunky announces and reviews the new increased defense forces
New Zealands olympic bobsleigh unveiled
Nationals spokesman, announces new site of shallow graves for all the abandoned national policies
the intensive search for Paula Bennet fails
New Zealands new aircraft carrier had a few subtle flaws
National Flunkey, announces Life is a beach yet under National Life is a *********!
National Supporter shows off his ill gotten Ikea Lectern Gains in NZ Black Friday Sale
Aussie Invasion repulsed!
Anyone that finds the buried ego of Pete George,,,,,will be allowed to exit the country……
Santas sleigh now privatised and flogged off to highest bidder!
Ok, the bidding is currently at $10 dollars for complete drilling rights…….any other offers……going goingggggggggg.
I ordered a hovercraft…….send this back to amazon
GP spokesman, shows off new membership
At Davos In Switzerland, climate change denier, announces G20 to think about 0.9 % cut in co2 emissions
The prime minister pledged a new police vessel before the end of the year and despite a funding shortfall I am proud to launch this raft today.
And just up on the beach is the Crematorium thats why no one is here
Government unveils plans to save manufacturing and rescue the economy – Ladies and Gentlmen, introducing the wooden segway.