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Colin Craig vs The Civilian

Written By: - Date published: 10:22 pm, April 23rd, 2013 - 63 comments
Categories: blogs, conservative party - Tags: , ,

The Civilian is a new satirical blog that has making waves lately. If you haven’t visited The Civilian yet you should – add it to your bookmarks! Because after all, you know a blog has really made it when it provokes a bizarre and heavy-handed overreaction:

Colin Craig threatens satirical website

Conservative Party leader Colin Craig has threatened a satirical news website with defamation after claiming it published a story designed “to make him look ridiculous”.

The Civilian yesterday uploaded a story about Maurice Williamson’s “big gay rainbow” speech, in which the Pakuranga MP admitted “he looks pretty stupid this morning after a series of floods in the Nelson, Waikato and Bay of Plenty regions appeared to contradict his assertion that nothing bad would come of the passing of gay marriage legislation”.

It also featured fake quotes from Mr Craig, having him say “God painted a giant rainbow across the sky, which was a message that he would never again flood the world, unless we made him very angry. And we have.”

Mr Craig hasn’t seen the funny side however, and today through his lawyers at Chapman Tripp threatened editor Ben Uffindell with defamation unless he removed the quote, posted a retraction and paid him – a millionaire businessman – $500 for his legal troubles.

Well now if that doesn’t quadruple the readership of The Civilian I don’t know what will! Bloggers have been quick to respond, starting with The Civilian himself:

Thank you for your email. The Civilian was horrified to learn that it had misquoted Mr. Craig in the article in question, and if you visit our website, you will see that we have taken urgent action to rectify our terrible mistake.

We would never dream of making Mr. Craig look ridiculous. Indeed, we’re quite content to leave that up to him.

Danyl at Dimpost totally dominated the discussion with his response (my eyes are still watering). And I’d love to tell you what Imperator Fish thought, but unfortunately his thoughts have been [redacted].

I think we bloggers should all give a round of applause to Colin. So many of us struggle and toil in obscurity, never noticed. But because of Colin at least one blog, The Civilian, is assured of the praise and thanks of a grateful nation…

Update: Lyndon Hood – In defense of Colin Craig

63 comments on “Colin Craig vs The Civilian”

  1. BLiP 1

    So, Colin Craig never said . . .

    . . . “Williamson likes to talk about big gay rainbows,” said Craig, “but it would help if he understood what the rainbow actually means. After Noah’s flood, God painted a giant rainbow across the sky, which was a message that he would never again flood the world, unless we made him very angry. And we have” . . .

    . . . poor ole Colin, perhaps we can all help. I suggest calling in Barbara Steisand to help him out. The more times the statement is repeated on the more forms of intertubes media the better. For Colin’s sake, of course.

  2. McFlock 2

    Freedom of speech and satire is a basic right, as long as it doesn’t make millionaires look ridiculous. The Great Conservative (GC) would be fine with respectful satire, but this went too far.
    burn them!

  3. GregJ 3

    Colin Craig: Proof that even God likes a joke – just like the rest of us.

  4. andy (the other one) 4

    Even the Herald are trolling Craig.

    What Colin Craig did not say in the satirical post on the Civilian:

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10879437

    • David H 4.1

      And I did notice that they didn’t put up a comments section. Now that would have been interesting.

  5. Hehe. Craig has succeeded beyond his wildest dreams in drawing attention to himself.

    Wonder if it will help the Conservative Party’s standing? Maybe this is part of a cunning plan to increase exposure? After all in MMP terms it does not hurt a party’s standing if 90% of the population think its leader is a dick …

  6. lprent 6

    Dimpost’s satirical Michelle Hewitson style “interview” with Colin Craig is also inspired. For instance….

    Craig denies that his statements on contemporary morality are dominated by his religious upbringing, or the fact that I was kneeling on his throat while grating his nipples with a citrus zester. ‘I stand by my statements, no matter how much blood I’ve lost,’ he explains, a little defiant. ‘And I’m very proud of my background,’ he adds, rubbing vinegar on his lacerated chest. ‘I’m not a regular church-goer, but I cherish the Baptist values I was raised with, and the Scottish emphasis on frugality which has been passed down to me.’

    The interview that danyl was parodying is here.

    Has Mr Crag (that is his name according to his dumbarse lawyer John McKay) never heard of the Striesand effect?

    That means that I actually wind up agreeing with stupid (also known as Whaleoil) who said

    What a bunch of amateur numpties. This is what the corporate weasel lawyer looks like:


    Corporate Weasel Lawyer John McKay

    How embarrassing,welcome to more embarrassment Colin Craig and John McKay.

    I can’t believe that you advised your client to embark on such a folly, what a dick.

    • Roy 6.1

      I am stunned to find myself agreeing with Whaleoil. I think I had better take tomorrow off work.

      • Tim 6.1.1

        Take a Pharmac approved anti-depressant, a cup of tea, and have a lay down – that icky feeling when having to agree with someone like ‘dear ole Cam’ will dissipate after a few showers. Btw, you can probably obtain a shitload of anti-bacterial if you just visit the entryway to the local supermarket for a ‘browse’.
        ‘Dear ole Cam’ is egotistically driven, so you can be sure he’s currently weighing up which side of history, and which side of ideology he needs to be on to ensure he doesn’t become completely irrelevant. That tipping point, whereby Madge Majority’s awareness of their having been royally ripped hasn’t YET been reached – but that is the trend. I hope it’s sooner than later. The later it is, the more likely the more violent it will be.

        • Tim 6.1.1.1

          Actually – now I think about it, the ‘fat fuck’ could be confused with a Mussolini if you take account of time and place

    • Ennui 6.2

      MacKays photograph does weasels a disservice.

  7. leftriteleft 7

    Oh how fragile our politicians are becoming. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. See ya, goodbye.

    • Populuxe1 7.1

      Calling Colin Craig a politician is like saying John Key understands small business…

      • Lanthanide 7.1.1

        “Calling Colin Craig a politician is like saying John Key understands business…”

        Fixed that for you.

  8. TheContrarian 8

    The Civilian is no more a blog than The Onion.

    • Colonial Viper 8.1

      Hard to tell if that’s criticism or credit 🙂

      • TheContrarian 8.1.1

        It’s neither – I like The Civilian. But I wouldn’t consider it a ‘blog’ anymore than I would consider The Onion a blog.

        • freedom 8.1.1.1

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blog

          oh mary mary, you having a tough day in the garden?

          In what way does the Civilian not qualify as a blog?
          or are you simply falling into the elitist trap that words only mean what you decide they mean because you are too lazy to add an identifier to your subject term
          i.e: a political blog, or a hotairballooning blog or a rwnjfubar blog

          as for the Onion, in this day and age it basically qualifies as a fully legit news service 🙂

          • TheContrarian 8.1.1.1.1

            I view and read The Civilian as a satirical newspaper in the same fashion as The Onion.

            You wanna call it a blog go right ahead, sweet heart.

        • felix 8.1.1.2

          burt used to bitterly complain that No Right Turn didn’t count as a blog because I/S turned off the comments section because burt and his mates ruined it.

          He didn’t know what “blog” means either.

      • Tim 8.1.2

        It’s a definite CREDIT – if you subscribe to monitoring MSM for the purposes of daily ‘theme park-type’ amusement.
        TINA ffs!

  9. tricledrown 9

    Their goes any chance of national finding a moderate right wing party to support it in power!
    All Colin Craig will do now is take valuable national votes and prevent National from gaining power!
    Good onya Colin we don’t need an opposition when you have politically naive idiots likeYouself!

  10. infused 10

    Pretty bizarre…

  11. Why would anyone care what that homophobic bigot has to say?

    • Colonial Viper 12.1

      I’m not sure, but oddly enough the Right Wing seem to.

      • Tim 12.1.1

        Tipping………tipping…….tipping.

        The Cuba Street bucket – despite its atrocity has survived for – how long?

        BTW – I’ve changed my mind – I think we should keep it, as errrgly and horrific as it is. It could become a symbol of neo-liberalism: A trukle dearn, an occasional splash down that misses its mark on nearly every occasion, the occasional wet of the surrounding audience. It’s a fucking masterpiece – horrid as it is to watch.
        I’m hoping Cameron Slater might come to bath in its waters and it beauty

      • Brett Dale 12.1.2

        The extreme right wing might, most centre right people, dont.

  12. gobsmacked 13

    I’m afraid MickeySavage (above) is probably close to the mark. Now that Marriage Equality is done and dusted, Craig has lost his platform. So he needs to keep himself in the media, by any means possible. He can afford to waste money on lawyers, if it reminds people his party (i.e. himself) exists. 5% will do.

    Expect to see a lot more of this headline-hogging nonsense from Craig over the next 18 months. It would be nice to see the media saying “But you don’t represent anybody at all, so we won’t bother with your latest stunt”. Nice, but unlikely.

    Colin Craig Headline Predictor – “Party leader slams skimpy outfits on Shortland Street!”. “Top politician says Marmite makes you gay!” etc, etc …

  13. ghostrider888 14

    12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, yet a prudent man overlooks an insult.

    14:24 The wealth of the wise is their crown, but the folly of fools yields folly.

    17:10 A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool.

    oh Dora, sigh. ( for the tree was born in a thunderstorm, grow grow the lightning tree)

  14. karol 15

    Craig has now withdrawn the threat of defamation action, as reported by RNZ.

    • McFlock 15.1

      Ah, his point has been made.

      I suppose the point is that in a fit of pique he will drop more money than many people get in a week on a threatening letter that doesn’t even spell his name correctly.

  15. Matthew Hooton 16

    Right, left or just weird, they never learn.
    Labour calls Don Brash racist after he gives a speech on race. He goes up in the polls.
    National calls Labour/Green communist after they issue an electricity policy. They will go up in the polls.
    CCCP sues The Civilian for a blog post. Its readership leaps ahead of The Standard and maybe even Whaleoil.

    • Te Reo Putake 16.1

      It wasn’t Labour ‘calling’ Brash racist that moved National in the polls.

      Brash actually was racist. He gave a racist speech in hope of appealing to rednecks and the dullwitted. The racist speech itself lifted National in the polls, not the reaction to it. Happily, he was found out, just in time, to be corrupt as well as racist and that latter failing tipped the balance in favour of returning the Clark Government.

      You didn’t crayon the Orewa speech by any chance, did you, Matthew?

      • mickysavage 16.1.1

        Actually my recollection of the Hollow men is that Matthew opposed the Orewa speech and all strength for him for doing so.

        • Rhinocrates 16.1.1.1

          He also said that all the maori in Labour are stupid – and he specifically said maori – on Nine to Noon a while back. Apparently he thinks Louisa Wall is stupid.

          Coming from a man whom his own clients and colleagues according to The Hollow Men call “thick and full of himself”, that’s a bit rich.

          • Matthew Hooton 16.1.1.1.1

            TRP: talk to any serious pollster and they will tell you Brash got no bounce in the polls from his Orewa speech until his opponents attacked him, including and especially when they compared him with Pauline Hanson. That is not so say I liked the speech – I am just telling you what the data showed.
            Rhino: not sure when, if at all, i said Maori labour mps were stupid. But I certainly think that after NZ1 won the Maori seats in 1996 and then the Maori and Mana parties emerged, as a general rule, labour Maori mps have been absolutely useless.

            • Te Reo Putake 16.1.1.1.1.1

              Matthew, as sombody once said; bugger the pollsters. Wikipedia gets it right on Orewa.

              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orewa_Speech

            • Rhinocrates 16.1.1.1.1.2

              labour Maori mps have been absolutely useless.

              But the white ones have been better, eh? You just conformed my original accusation. So Louisa Wall is stupid and useless, in your not so humble opinion.

              Come on, compare:

              clear, limited to those… as a general rule

              Both can’t be true at once – so which is the lie? Can you even lie straight in bed if you reveal in one post the one before was a lie?

              Keep digging Hoots, as Kathryn Ryan said when you declared that women who become pregnant should leave their jobs.

              Sexist and racist. Cool!

            • felix 16.1.1.1.1.3

              “talk to any serious pollster and they will tell you…”

              We don’t really get the opportunity around here.

            • mickysavage 16.1.1.1.1.4

              Ohh Matthew and I was trying to be nice about you.

              Brash surged in the polls over a pretty short period of time. To say that it was because of the reaction to him rather than the speech suggests that you have magical powers of comprehension and knowledge of individuals reasons for changing their vote that I am pretty sure you do not have.

          • Matthew Hooton 16.1.1.1.2

            Rhino: should also say my comments about labour Maori mps being useless was, I hope I made clear, limited to those representing the Maori seats. And I would absolutely stand by that.

            • Rhinocrates 16.1.1.1.2.1

              Scuttle scuttle…

            • Rhinocrates 16.1.1.1.2.2

              The fact is, Hoots said that all the smart maori had left Labour, leaving the dumb ones behind. It was a pretty obvious what the implication was. It was dog whistling.

              That’s how Hoots works – he won’t say out-and-out anything obviously racist, but he’s happy working with racists like Brash and Hide and probably convinces himself that they aren’t really racists since they forgive mallowpuffs for being brown because they’re white at the centre.

              Then there’s the shilling for work with the nutters at the Sounds Symposia, the people who were such an inspiration to Anders Brevik.

              If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas, and since he keeps doing it, and starts whistling to them as well… I don’t think that Hoots’ attempts to pass himself off as a nice guy who somehow keeps finding himself entirely by accident working for racists really convinces anyone.

            • Rhinocrates 16.1.1.1.2.3

              Come on Hoots, waiting…

              Two statements, a quarter of an hour apart on the very same thread. As a general rule, Labour’s MAORI MPs are useless versus I have always been at war with Eastasia, whoops, wrong reference… oh yes, only those representing the MAORI seats right now, at this very instant.

              One statement is a lie – which is it?

              I guess you’re disappointed that Kyle Chapman can’t afford your fees.

              Anyway, if you want to be a crypto-racist instead of an obvious racist, you’ve got to be a lot more subtle and consistent than that.

              Or has the cockroach scuttled under the fridge again?

              [lprent: You’re getting pretty close to the “owned/pwned” heresy.. It is advisable not to go there. People do other things apart from hanging around in this forum (I frequently find myself without time to do it myself). ]

              • Rhinocrates

                True, good point lprent. I too need my beauty sleep, perhaps more than others.

                I expect Hooton to explain the contradiction after a good night’s sleep, when he has free time. One of the contradictory things that he said is a racist lie – I just want to know which one was the racist lie. I’m sure that he will be able to explain tomorrow.

                So Hoots, “as a general rule” all MAORIS in Labour are stupid and useless as you claimed, so is Louisa Wall stupid and useless?

                Or is she one of the minority, as in “don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are…”?

        • Pascal's bookie 16.1.1.2

          lol. He any opposition was pretty timid. Didn’t stop supporting the campaign.

          • Rhinocrates 16.1.1.2.1

            Nope. Maybe held a lavendar-scented designer hanky to his nose for a minute, but saw some cash and went “Oooh, shiny!”

  16. Tim 17

    @ Mathew…. Ever considered they might call Don Brash racist -JUST because he is? – I mean rather than because of any political contect.
    It’s a bit like that sociology professsewer – the ultimate observationist that once piqued my interest as it pertained to fast cars – as in – maybe they don’t all have small dicks and penis envy. Maybe its just that they like fast cars and have an appreciation of the technological advance that sees them where they are.
    Never mind though aye – you’ve got a luvly little Kethlic Guuurl to prop you up once a week and contribute to you’re income, even tho’ you do have to put up with her chastising you from time to time.
    Keep with that gig aye! There’s even a pussy in comfort that’s there to ‘challenge’ you!. Oh – lest we forget – there’s an entire afternoon with much the same.

    I’m wondering whether I should coonvert to Catholisism or Judaism. It appears to me that one can be a cnut by day, just so long as you front up once a week (In private) and confess, or alternatively just be a cnut and get away with it on the basis of a sympathy trip

  17. Blue 18

    Gee Tim, one could almost think you’re a bit of a lonely boy, if Hootens private life obsesses you so. Here’s a tip, if you weren’t so fucking boring, maybe you could score a nice catholic girl as well? Also leaving your mummies basement every now and then might also help.

  18. freedom 19

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