web analytics
The Standard

Caption Contest

Written By: - Date published: 8:44 pm, May 8th, 2013 - 95 comments
Categories: Economy, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

Well Key’s cornerstone policy, the one that many commentators claimed was him showing his mettle, has come to fruition. And it’s such a poison chalice he didn’t even have the guts to show up for the big reveal in person (spoiler: less than half the number of people who signed up to oppose asset sales signed up to buy).

So let’s mark this nadir in political history with a caption contest. And who better to provide the mirth than the classic comedy duo of English and Ryall – flogging our assets together since 1990.

Asset sales fuckwits

95 comments on “Caption Contest”

  1. IrishBill 1

    *sotto* Jesus Christ Bill. They’re not falling for it a second time. Wrap it up and let’s get the hell out of here.

  2. karol 2

    Key’s voice in ear piece “Fucks sake, guys! Try to look like you’re singing from the same song sheet”.

  3. vto 3

    i’m tired and i want to go bed …..

  4. r0b 4

    “So in short, privatisation is a flop, the economy is as dead as Wellington, and we don’t know how to fix it. Let us pray…”

  5. boonman 5

    Bill: $2.50 is a fair price blah blah blah mums and dads blah blah blah labour greens north korea economic sabotage blah blah blah…

    Tony: this sudoku’s a bitch.

  6. mac1 6

    “You want me to comment on Aaron Gilmore’s good taste, when Tony Ryall stands so sartorially stentorian behind me?”

  7. Jimmie 7

    Well that is one way of spinning this….

    Another way you could look at it is that MRP once it lists will have many more shareholders than any other listed company in NZ – also they are saying that 68% of those who signed up have no CSN number ( my better half and I) so are a large proportion of 1st time investors.

    However, I am pleased by the looney left attack on the float as at $2.50 per share is a nice discount on the possible $2.80 initial price so great go for red/greens.

    And with the recent failure of the CIR petition I would say that NZ has voted twice no thanks to the leftie agenda – so sad, gotta cry a river.

    Oh and there is an extra 1.7 billion to help pay for schools and hospitals that don’t have to be borrowed to pay for. (And don’t go on about lost dividends – according to Shearer & Norman they are disposable and not so important)

    So yeah a great deal all round…..

    • IrishBill 7.1

      68% of those who signed up have no CSN number

      You know Jimmie, rather than parroting lines from Farrar you should be asking yourself if you really want to put your hard-earned cash into something that Key refused to front for and Farrar is only buying into as far as he has to to maintain face.

      • Jimmie 7.1.1

        Well yes it is – we put in $4K from our hard earned savings and have no regrets. This will be good for us long term and I am happy to have some personal ownership in MRP.

        • Colonial Viper 7.1.1.1

          Buyers remorse comes later, idiot

        • Mike S 7.1.1.2

          You sound happy with your investment, and why not. By all accounts you will still get a good return on your MRP shares in the future, maybe just a bit less than you would have without NZPower coming into force after the next election. You believe you got a good price also, so you would support the NZPower policy then? (Seeing as though it is the reason you are pleased about your investment)

          Spare a thought for the vast majority of Kiwi’s though. They couldn’t afford shares and will see the their power company lose 49% of it’s value immediately (transferred to you and other investors) and they will be missing out on future public services due to the loss of future dividends.

          • Jimmie 7.1.1.2.1

            Support the NZ Power policy – no not really as I’ve never seen any system where big central government can produce an efficient service that delivers good results to the end customers (Think 1980’s Telecom)

            Plus when all the other Lab/Green tax and spend policies are added voters would be deluding themselves to think that they will be financially better off by voting to the left.

            Also Shearer and Norman have made it clear that they don’t mind losing dividend payments from the power companies so the dividend income stream is reduced under both National and Lab/Greens.

            The difference is that Key will have 1.7 billion next week to plug into infrastructure that he never borrowed and under Lab/Greens in 2014 we will have a new department of paper pushers that will somehow magicly conjur up 5000 jobs through increased economic activity?

            (Though how by giving $300 with one hand and taking twice that with the other hand is supposed to create jobs is beyond me)

            I mean please – its a lost battle.

            • Ross 7.1.1.2.1.1

              Jimmie

              The overwhelming majority of NZers didn’t buy shares.

              Selling MRP will add $100 million to the deficit each year. You’re one of the few people I know who thinks that’s good.

              • Alanz

                “The overwhelming majority of NZers didn’t buy shares.”

                Umm … some mums and dads have decided gifting the money to sons and daughters to help them build the deposit for purchasing their first homes, thanks to the runaway housing market that has failed the younger generation.

            • Colonial Viper 7.1.1.2.1.2

              no not really as I’ve never seen any system where big central government can produce an efficient service that delivers good results to the end customers (Think 1980′s Telecom)

              We don’t have a big central government you idiot

              Think of the mail service since the 19th century for gods sakes.

              1980’s Telecom??? That’s pre-IT/internet boom of course it was slower than today!

    • Ross 7.2

      Jimmie,

      I’ll have whatever you’re having. Less than 3% of the population bought shares. Obviously the vast majority didn’t want a bar of this sham sale, or they couldn’t afford to buy shares. If you’re trying to spin this as a good news story, you’re going to have to do a lot better than that.

      The CIR petition hasn’t failed. You’ll probably find that when the dust settles there’ll be about 3 times as many petitioners as there are shareholders. It makes you think.

      • felix 7.2.1

        Makes Jimmie think? Don’t count on it.

      • Jimmie 7.2.2

        3% of the population?? Huh just more spin. Why not make it sound worse and say .0000001 of the world population bought shares so it is a fail.

        The reality is that despite 3 years of leftie harping on about assets sales that it has gone through, the government has raised 1.7 billion for building other assets, ans over 100,000 kiwis are now personal owners of MRP.

        Oh and the sky hasn’t fallen on our heads.

        Really the left have to find another issue to bleat about as if you look at the miserable turnout to the various protests the rank and file know that this is flogging a long dead horse.

        • Colonial Viper 7.2.2.1

          Well, in that case why are you so fearful and shrill?

        • Ross 7.2.2.2

          “Why not make it sound worse and say .0000001 of the world population bought shares so it is a fail.”

          The rest of the world couldn’t buy shares.

          The fact that more than 97% didn’t buy shares is apparently of no concern to you. Surely, if this was easy money, every NZer would have been keen to buy. What went wrong?

        • geoff 7.2.2.3

          Why not make it sound worse and say .0000001 of the world population bought shares so it is a fail.

          Hah. Ironically, you’re absolutely correct, public companies and shareholders have been a miserable fail, as you point out it has only facilitated the robbing of the world’s wealth by a tiny minority.

        • vto 7.2.2.4

          “raised 1.7 billion for building other assets,” ……
          1.7 billion is how much was unnecessarily given to investors in the dodgy South Canterbury Finance.

          ” ans over 100,000 kiwis are now personal owners of MRP.”……
          ans over 3,900,000 kiwis are not now owners of MRP

          I am continuously astounded at the lack of brain cells in te world……

          silly jimmie

        • Mike S 7.2.2.5

          “Oh and the sky hasn’t fallen on our heads.”

          Correct. And you still bought shares knowing about the definite possibility that the NZPower policy will be implemented. So obviously, you and other investors feel that you can still make a good return on your shares despite NZPower? So why all the doomsday type talk from potential investors? (unless they are greedy and wanting more than a good return)

          Just as a matter of interest, MRP is forecasting somewhere around 4-5% net dividend return per share

          So you would increase your $4000 to around $4200 after a year. If we take an average inflation rate of say 2.5% (avg since 2001 is 2.7%) for this year (the real inflation rate will be much higher than this, but we aren’t told about that), your ‘real’ return will be around $100. (let’s not think about the possibility of inflation jumping to 5% at some stage, which is it’s average for the last 50 years)

          For the amount of shares you’re buying (1600), isn’t it a slightly risky investment with risks such as the possibility of NZPower on the horizon and Tiwai Pt winding down, as well as other standard risks, considering that you can get over 4% at the bank even in the current low interest environment with no risk. (and interest rates will rise). The default Kiwisaver options yield around 5% per annum over 5 years. I can’t see long term MRP share prices increasing substantially unless profits are increasing every year, which we would assume they won’t do as much under a NZPower regulatory environment. You stated it is a long term investment for you.So how do you see the investment as being “good for us” long term?

        • CnrJoe 7.2.2.6

          its not original Jimmie but – what do the govt sell every year after to ‘build other assets?’

      • Jagg 7.2.3

        “about 3 times as many petitioners as there are shareholders”

        Over 400,000 went to the trouble of lodging their interest and asked for the prospectus.
        113,000 people still put their money where their mouth is – even after a concerted sabotage effort.

        On the flipside…
        300,000 people made the earth-shattering commitment of picking up a pen – not even enough to get a “mandate” for a referendum. Hardly worthy of comparison.

        • Ross 7.2.3.1

          Maths isn’t your strong point I see.

          • Jagg 7.2.3.1.1

            Don’t see your point – 400,000 people registered interest, that should be the comparable statistic. I think that shows greater commitment than signing a piece of paper.

            113,000 put their money where their mouth is – that is hugely significant, would 113,000 signatories of the petition commit to anything more than ink a piece of paper shoved in front of their face by some funded lackey???

            • Te Reo Putake 7.2.3.1.1.1

              Signing up for the prospectus took even less effort than signing the petition. What was your point again?

              • Jagg

                Sorry??

                Spelling your name and remembering your address when someone shoves a piece of paper under your nose takes more effort than going to a website and filling out your details when you are seriously considering an investment decision?

                Ross suggests that numbers aren’t my strong suit well I can assure you that I have a particularly strong background in behavioural finance and the complexities that committing money add to a decision-making process are far beyond those of signing a petition…. if that logic is beyond you then I’m afraid you’re not worth my time.

                • Colonial Viper

                  Behavioural finance? What a joke.

                  if that logic is beyond you then I’m afraid you’re not worth my time.

                  Do feel free to go if you believe that.

                  • Jagg

                    “Do feel free to go if you believe that.”

                    I might just do that and leave you at peace in your echo chamber.

                  • McFlock

                    Behavioural finance?
                    Another mumpty who thinks economics is a science.

                • Murray Olsen

                  Behavioural finance? Does that mean working out why people are happy when they win Lotto? I’m afraid you’re not worth my time.

                • felix

                  “Spelling your name and remembering your address when someone shoves a piece of paper under your nose takes more effort than going to a website and filling out your details when you are seriously considering an investment decision?”

                  Seeing as anyone could register anyone else’s name on the website, yes. No effort required on your dog’s part at all, for example.

                  You could say the same for the petition of course, but the numbers would be against you. As it turns out, 25% of the signatures can be discounted. In the case of registering for shares, 75% can be discounted.

                  As has already been noted, maths isn’t your strong suit.

        • Te Reo Putake 7.2.3.2

          300,000 is more than 115,000. 4 million is also more than 115.000. I’m proud that the vast majority of my fellow Kiwis aren’t going within cooee of this sham.

          • Jagg 7.2.3.2.1

            See above.

            Hugely arrogant to suggest that 4m NZers are opposed let alone you, in any way shape or form, speak for your “fellow kiwis” when 400,000 got off their collective arses to register interest.

            Also doesn’t take away from the fact that you couldn’t muster enough of your so-called “fellow kiwis” to secure a mandate for a non-binding referendum.

            • Colonial Viper 7.2.3.2.1.1

              3/4 of those “registering interest” turned out to be uninterested when the money was due

              • Jagg

                How many people would have signed your petition if they were later asked to contribute even just a token $10 to the cause?

                • Colonial Viper

                  Yeah I agree, democracies started going shit when poor people were given the vote

                  • Jagg

                    That is not my argument and you know it – I am saying that signing the petition is no more of a commitment than registering.

                    If anyone had to make a further commitment to your cause, be it in the form of time or a token donation the proportion would be far less than 113/400.

                    The only close valid comparison would be if the rallys attracted >113,000 – frankly, they didn’t.

                    • Colonial Viper

                      You still don’t get it do you.

                      You’re judgements on what is a success or not matter fuck all. This mediocre MRP share float is the financial and market interest high tide of National’s entire asset sale programme. It’s all going out from here. They’re screwed in 2014.

            • Ross 7.2.3.2.1.2

              You mean 400,000 sat at their computers…hardly an onerous task.

              The fact remains that almost 3 times as many people said let’s have a referendum.

              • Jagg

                Oh you really can’t be redeemed if you think it is materially more difficult to sign a petition than lodge interest in an IPO.

                Colonial Viper, well maybe the left’s entirely vindictive sabotage campaign had something to do with it, which if you asked Clint in private I’m sure he would confirm that you’re all ecstatic about.

                • Clockie

                  Well, actually, having to stop what you’re doing, whether it’s shopping or enjoying a day out or dealing with a whiny child, to balance a clip board on your arm on a wet and windy day while you scribble your details on a mangled bit of paper and share a word or too with the dedicated volunteer who gave up half a day on a Saturday morning to collect signatures because they think it’s morally reprehensible to sell public assets, demands a bit more commitment from both the aforementioned parties than tooling around on your computer for thirty seconds in the comfort of your own home. Having said that, many people signed the petition on line. Do they win your seal of approval for their commitment? Oh, and quite a few of those same people have also been making donations to the Green Party and other causes they believe in so don’t go getting too ridiculous with your spurious value judgments about other peoples commitment to their beliefs and ideals.

            • Te Reo Putake 7.2.3.2.1.3

              “Also doesn’t take away from the fact that you couldn’t muster enough of your so-called “fellow kiwis” to secure a mandate for a non-binding referendum.”

              And yet we’ll still be having a referendum on the issue and the Government, and you, will be shown to be representing only the tiny minority; the most venal and the disloyal of my fellow kiwis. Funny old world, eh.

              • Jagg

                “most venal and the disloyal of my fellow kiwis”

                Holding a desire for our country to have functioning and healthy capital markets to fuel growth and job creation is about as far removed from being venal and disloyal as a kiwi can possibly get – I’m 8th generation which should (just about) make me kiwi enough to credibly hold that opinion.

                • Pascal's bookie

                  Oh for goodness sake.

                  This claytons IPO isn’t a sign of healthy capital markets. If we had healthy capital markets we wouldn’t need to be flooding them with govt backed listings that require bribes in the form of ‘loayalty shares’. And what’s the point of that if it’s not political?

                  The point of having ‘deeper’ markets is that more capital is available for investment, so why encourage people to park their money in these companies with an implicit govt backing?

                  How does that encourage “growth and job creation”? The companies aren’t getting the money, the crown is. What these ‘floats’ do is take money that might have been invested somewhere else, and give it to the crown. It’s not a sign of ‘healthy capital markets’ it’s a sign that people in NZ with money to invest can’t find anything to do with it other than give it the government in return for a share of the dividends provided by a crown built enterprise.

                  From a right wing perspective it’s a damning indictment on our private sector and capital markets.

                • felix

                  What Pascal said, and also too:

                  If your investment decisions really are motivated by “a desire for our country to have functioning and healthy capital markets to fuel growth and job creation” then you’re a terrible investor.

                  Markets allocate capital to the companies that, on aggregate, investors believe will perform best in those investors’ own interest.

                  Frankly if you have any motivation other than a desire to see the best return on your investment then you’re not helping the market to function at all. You’re actually hindering the market from performing its primary role.

                  Some capitalist you turned out to be.

          • Jimmie 7.2.3.2.2

            So how come these 4 million kiwis voted John Key back in in 2011?

            • Te Reo Putake 7.2.3.2.2.1

              They didn’t. He barely scraped in, and without a mandate to sell the assets.

              • Jagg

                Now I know that I’ve been accused of being poor at maths, so I should clarify, last I checked:

                1,059,000 > 309,000?

                Am I missing something when it comes to mandates?

              • McFlock

                Jimmie thinks nz has more than 8,000,000 voters?
                Faboo.

                • Jagg

                  Pray tell when was there EVER a vote held where 4,000,000 individuals voted against asset sales?

                  The general election is the only thing to go off here – 1 million + voted for National in the polling booths, which by implication means Te Reo is suggesting there are (AT LEAST) 5 million registered voters for him to have 4 million “fellow kiwis”.

                  • McFlock

                    Amazing how you take random words and throw them together.

                    Maybe we should sort out the entire mandate thing with, oh, a sort of vote where only one issue is considered rather than a hodge-podge of personalities and policies. It’s a word beginning with “r”, I think.

              • tricledrown

                shagg if the all blacks had lost the world cup key wouldn’t be PM!

  8. BLiP 8

    We know New Zealanders have swallowed our policies in the past, but this time we are offering a new passage in our history. National Ltd™ will be issuing each New Zealand resident shareholder with a free bottle of lube.

  9. Appleboy 9

    Jimmie – well done bgig spender , hey you put $4000 dollars in, and hey if you double your money in eight to ten years you’ll have made…$4000. Woohooo. You idiot – we..and you already owned the assets..and your $4000 profit will buy fuck all then.

    • geoff 9.1

      That’s the trouble with wee wankers like oor jimmie, they don’t care that the end result of their grubby conceit is that financially vulnerable people are made to further suffer just so jimmie and his ilk can enjoy slightly nicer wine during their next holiday to the Gold Coast.

      • Jimmie 9.1.1

        Ok so the government spending 1.7 billion on hospitals and schools without borrowing will make finacially vulnerable people suffer??

        Play the other one that goes jingle bells.

        And FYI I’ve never been to the gold coast and I don’t drink wine

        • vto 9.1.1.1

          is that your caption?

          or your contest?

        • Ross 9.1.1.2

          “Ok so the government spending 1.7 billion on hospitals and schools without borrowing…”

          Hmmm what happens when the money is spent, and we need to spend more money on schools and hospitals? Will we sell another asset? Then what? We do it all over again?

          That’s plain dumb.

  10. Jackal 10

    “Now for my next trick I’m going to teach your mum and dad investors to suck eggs” said Mr English.

  11. tc 11

    Slurring into earpiece ‘You are my number 2 Blingy boy, here’s another stinker to front and sign off on…..you really should’ve done better in 02 Mr charisma like me in 08 and 11….’

  12. Te Reo Putake 12

    Er, and if, by any chance, you’re thinking of putting SHARE FLOAT FAIL on the front page tomorrow, Tony’s got copies of the rest of Aaron Gilmore’s txts for you. Play ball and we’ll let you have the Hanmer hotel security cam tape on Friday. He agreed to go quietly if John took him out for a drink.

    or:

    26% of those who got the prospectus bought shares, so, ah, more popular than me, then.

    or:

    And now Tony will give you each a copy of the list of excuses we’ll be using …

  13. fender 13

    We proudly announce that less than 3% of NZers have some money.

  14. ianmac 14

    26.9% Retail
    8.6% NZ Institutions
    13.5% Overseas
    49% owned by Kiwi Mums and Dads. = about 55,000 Mums and Dads. Not so wonderful???

    • DH 14.1

      By the look of it they’re playing creative accounting ianmac, their percentages look to be worked back to include the 51% kept by the Govt. The ‘paper said NZ institutions bought $300 million worth and that’s 8.6% of the full market value not the 49% sold. I’d think the retail investors are mum & dad. Of the shares sold I think it goes like this;

      53.8% Retail $914 million
      17.2% NZ Institutions $292 million
      27.0% Overseas $459 million

      That 17.2% is pretty concerning, I assume “NZ Institutions” includes the mobs with all the Kiwisaver cash and they really haven’t spent much here.

      Interesting maths on the Retail side, average of about $8000 spent per investor.

      • BLiP 14.1.1

        I think the Kiwi Saver crew are pretty flush at the moment. Didn’t they sell the New Zealand forests to the Chinese last week? Timing is everything.

  15. Blue 15

    “Um….yeah. John ran off ten minutes ago muttering something about Hawaii. I tried to get Gerry to do it, but he told me to get stuffed. So then I promised Tony the deputy leadership if he’d come with me. Oh, God, why is it always me?”

  16. Mr Interest 16

    O Come All Ye Faithful
    Joyful and triumphant,
    O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.
    Come and behold Him,
    Born the King of Angels;
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    Christ the Lord.

    O Sing, choirs of angels,
    Sing in exultation,
    Sing all that hear in heaven God’s holy word.
    Give to our Father glory in the Highest;
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    Christ the Lord.

    All Hail! Lord, we greet Thee,
    Born this happy morning,
    O Jesus! for evermore be Thy name adored.
    Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing;
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    Christ the Lord.

  17. fender 17

    Pre-registration ejaculation proves hard to wash off.

    Ryall studies Keys apology for rorting pre-registration process before reading it to the media.

  18. vto 18

    We are taking $1,700,000,000 from good ordinary kiwis and giving it to South Canterbury Finance investors. No we’re not, we are giving $400,000,000 of it to farmers for their water takes. I mean, no that’s not right. We are investing this $1,squiggly,000 in … um, well

  19. Brian 19

    “hang on – it says $50,000.00 here”

  20. risildo 20

    Vile & Bonehead strike again

  21. North 21

    Gok Wong resigns post of Tony’s fashion adviser. “Some jobs are just too big……”

    • Adrian 21.1

      ” We now don’t own a fair bit of what we did own before we didn’t own what we did own after we did own what we now don’t own. That’s what John said to say anyway and yeah, nah I haven’t got a fuckin clue what it means either. What do you think, Tony” . “Fucked if I know, I’m only here because I get a free suit from Letsalllooklikewankers, if I get on TV”.

    • North 21.2

      Sorry……Gok Wan.

  22. Paul Campbell 22

    “Why yes we think it’s a great investment, you invested right Tony? Tony?”

  23. felix 23

    “It’s no good Bill. I think they still remember who won last time.”

    “You mean the election, Tony?”

    “No Bill, I mean the 1980s.”

  24. felix 24

    Neil Finn and Noel Crombie experiment with phase cancellation.

  25. (ryall – to self)

    “..must – not – smirk..!”

    phillip ure..

  26. ryall:..

    “..just making sure bill is following the agreed-script..”

    phillip ure..

  27. english:..”..”..Only if you have the core competencies will you be able to action the key deliverables for your relevant stakeholders going forward..”

    ryall (to self) “..whoar..!..nice one bill..!..”

    phillip ure..

  28. english:..”oh..!”

    (question:..where exactly is ryalls’ right hand..?..)

    phillip ure..

  29. english:..to the mug-punters/former owners of mighty river power…

    “..now..when you bend over and grab yr ankles for us..make sure you grease up first…

    ..and make sure you say ‘thank you!’..when we’re finished..”

    philllip ure..

  30. (bad-radio..)

    ..bill and tony..reprising the big-hits..of the 80’s..

    phillip ure..

  31. ryall:..”my american-masters wanted me to wear the red white and blue shirt..

    ..they thought it would make a nice touch..

    ..and would be far more subtle than a flag-pin..”

    ..phillip ure..

  32. georgecom 32

    “look, when we announced this package we used hyperbole and spin, we over hyped and over promised the public interest and we used duplicitous language to promote it. In terms of the actual benefit for the country I was honest enough to say I could only guess, that I really had no idea

    Now I can announce that the policy is a success. We met none of the over hyped criteria we stated in public but have met the real objective, placing the collective wealth of NZ into the pockets of a few.

    I can announce today a further changes. Mum and Dad power users are going to be paying more for their power from now on to subsidise the lifestyles of the 3%”

  33. rod 33

    Bill and Tony, New Zealand’s got Talent. Yeah Right.

  34. Binders full of viper- women 34

    Back to the caption contest… “mmm these are funny communists .. Muesli & Mumbletruck.. their NZpower scheme will benefit rich families more than poor families ( who will get FOUR packets of chewing gum)”

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • $4 million was to advance trade not settle legal claim
    It is now even more apparent that the $4 million payment to the Al Khalaf group was to advance trade with Saudi Arabia, not to settle a legal claim, says Export Growth and Trade spokesperson David Parker. “Documents released today… ...
    12 hours ago
  • Predictable result of unfair law changes
    National’s destructive labour laws have forced 1000 workers at Talley's-owned freezing works AFFCO into taking strike action just to keep their employer at the bargaining table, Labour’s spokesperson on Labour Issues Iain Lees-Galloway says. “The Government only has itself to… ...
    14 hours ago
  • Changes dilute Coroners’ role
    A planned change to the Coroners Act which means an inquest won’t be required when a death occurs in official care or custody is a backward step and weakens the important role coroners play, Labour’s Justice spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says.… ...
    18 hours ago
  • Obama acts – Key sits on his hands
    President Obama’s plan to tackle climate change proves that leading nations are mustering the courage to do what is necessary, says Labour’s Climate Change spokesperson Megan Woods.  “His plan to cut emissions from United States power stations by a third… ...
    18 hours ago
  • Forestry death guilty plea proves case for reform
    A logging company’s guilty plea over the death of one of their workers proves the need to strengthen health and safety laws, Labour’s spokesperson for Labour Issues Iain Lees-Galloway says. Charles Finlay was killed in July 2013 when he was… ...
    2 days ago
  • Daughter for the Return Home
    Christchurch East MP Poto Williams who hails from the Cook Islands, will be returning this week as part of the Cook’s celebrations on becoming self-governing 50 years ago.  Her family background is connected to the northern Cooks, the islands of… ...
    2 days ago
  • Tiwai Point welcomed but strategy needed
    The  news that Tiwai Point Aluminium smelter will remain open is good news for the 800 workers at the plant and the people of Southland, but points to a need for a comprehensive regional development strategy, Opposition leader Andrew Little… ...
    2 days ago
  • Stalled TPP chance for wider discussion
    Failure to get the TPP agreement across the line gives New Zealanders an opportunity to put more pressure on the Government not to sign away our sovereignty, Opposition leader Andrew Little says.“New Zealand land, dairy and medicines are up for… ...
    4 days ago
  • Will poor TPP dairy outcome stop National selling out our homes?
    After failing to protect the right to stop foreign speculators buying our houses it’s clear the Government is not going to get wins on dairy in their TPP negotiations either, Labour’s Trade and Export spokesperson David Parker says. “Labour has… ...
    5 days ago
  • Feeling aspirational
    Yesterday the Rich List showed the number of people who have over 50 million of wealth had increased by another 15 people since last year. Collectively this group are now worth 55 billion, an increase of over 7% since last… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    5 days ago
  • Feeling aspirational
    Yesterday the Rich List showed the number of people who have over 50 million of wealth had increased by another 15 people since last year. Collectively this group are now worth 55 billion, an increase of over 7% since last… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    5 days ago
  • Feeling aspirational
    Yesterday the Rich List showed the number of people who have over 50 million of wealth had increased by another 15 people since last year. Collectively this group are now worth 55 billion, an increase of over 7% since last… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    5 days ago
  • Bennett’s legacy a test for Tolley
    Former Social Development Minister Paula Bennett has been thrown under the bus by her successor after its been suggested that Ms Bennett gave the green light to an ‘unethical’ observational study of high-risk children, Labour Children’s spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says.… ...
    5 days ago
  • Submission to Greater Christchurch Earthquake Recovery: Transition to Rege...
    Thank you for the opportunity to contribute to the Draft Transition Recovery Plan on behalf of the New Zealand Labour Party.  It is important that the citizens of Canterbury have a voice in the governance of the next step of… ...
    5 days ago
  • Troubled school wanted $25,000 dollars to fence farm
    The troubled Whangaruru charter school asked Hekia Parata for $25,000 to fence the school farm at the expense of spending on teaching, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. “This unbelievable revelation comes hard on the heels of Hekia Parata’s decision to… ...
    6 days ago
  • Troubled school wanted $25,000 dollars to fence farm
    The troubled Whangaruru charter school asked Hekia Parata for $25,000 to fence the school farm at the expense of spending on teaching, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. “This unbelievable revelation comes hard on the heels of Hekia Parata’s decision to… ...
    6 days ago
  • Government report on sexual & family violence a good first step
    Yesterday the Government released the cabinet paper on progress on the work programme of the Ministerial Group on Family Violence and Sexual Violence. Along with the Human Rights Commissioner and Women’s Refuge, I really welcome the report. I’m relieved that… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    6 days ago
  • Government report on sexual & family violence a good first step
    Yesterday the Government released the cabinet paper on progress on the work programme of the Ministerial Group on Family Violence and Sexual Violence. Along with the Human Rights Commissioner and Women’s Refuge, I really welcome the report. I’m relieved that… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    6 days ago
  • Prisoner voting disqualification and the Bill of Rights Act
    In 2010, National rammed the Electoral (Disqualification of Sentenced Prisoners) Amendment Bill through Parliament. Paul Quinn’s Member’s Bill existed because Paul Quinn thought anyone who’d been imprisoned was a serious offender, and serious offenders had ‘forfeited’ their right to vote.… ...
    GreensBy David Clendon MP
    6 days ago
  • Mainfreight ‘appalled’ by Government’s rail madness
    The Government has been given a serve by New Zealand-based international trucking and logistics firm Mainfreight which says it lacks a national transport strategy, and has treated rail badly, Labour's Transport spokesperson Phil Twyford says. The company has told shareholders it… ...
    6 days ago
  • National’s Health and Safety Reform Bill: less safety and fewer rights at...
    The New Zealand Council of Trade Unions is embarking on a campaign to fight the changes that weaken the Health and Safety Reform bill. As part of the campaign the CTU has organised vigils with the display of 291 crosses… ...
    GreensBy Denise Roche MP
    7 days ago
  • All options need to be put on meat sector table
    Farmers must be given every assurance that all potential risks have been considered before Silver Fern Farms opens its door to foreign equity, Labour’s Primary Industries spokesperson Damien O’Connor says. “The ongoing saga involving the meat sector and amalgamation has… ...
    7 days ago
  • Flag the referendum if 50% or more don’t vote
    Labour has moved to have the second flag referendum canned if the first attracts fewer than half the eligible number of voters, Opposition Leader Andrew Little says. “John Key has already wasted more than $8 million on his vanity project… ...
    7 days ago
  • 90,000 cars reclassified in botched ACC ratings
    New figures obtained by Labour show the ACC Minister’s botched motor vehicle levy system has resulted in 90,000 vehicles having to be reclassified so far – at a cost of $6 million, Labour’s ACC spokesperson Sue Moroney says. “Nikki Kaye’s… ...
    7 days ago
  • Brutal health cuts confirmed, crucial services suffer
    Chronic under-funding by National has seen the health budget slashed by $1.7 billion in just five years, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King says. A report by Infometrics, commissioned by Labour, shows health funding has been cut in four of the… ...
    1 week ago
  • Meth ring under Serco’s nose
    The news that two Serco inmates have been arrested for helping to run a methamphetamine ring from prison should be the final straw and see their contract cancelled, says Labour’s Corrections Spokesperson Kelvin Davis. “National has stood by Serco despite… ...
    1 week ago
  • Ministers failing women and their own targets
    New figures showing just five Ministers have met the Government’s own reduced targets for appointing women to state sector boards is evidence National is failing Kiwi women, Labour’s Women’s Affairs spokesperson Sue Moroney says. “The Ministry for Women’s 2015 Gender… ...
    1 week ago
  • Charges up for some as funding up for grabs
    A proposal being considered by the Government would see some people having to pay more for health care and district health boards forced to fight amongst themselves to fund regional health services, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King says “Information leaked… ...
    1 week ago
  • Stop experimenting on kids
    The trouble with the Charter school model is that it is a publicly funded experiment on children. The National Government has consistently put its desire to open charter schools ahead of the safety of the children in them, ignoring repeated… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    1 week ago
  • Bank puts the squeeze on mid Canterbury farmers
    News that an unnamed bank in Ashburton has put a receiver on notice over financially vulnerable farmers will send a chill through rural New Zealand, says Labour’s Finance Spokesperson Grant Robertson. “The Government needs to work with  New Zealand’s banks… ...
    1 week ago
  • Key is trading away New Zealand land and homes
    John Key yesterday admitted what National dishonestly refused to confirm in Parliament last week – he is trading away New Zealand’s right to control who buys our homes and land, says Opposition leader Andrew Little. “The Prime Minister must now… ...
    1 week ago
  • Razor gang takes scalpel to health
    Plans by the Government to take a scalpel to democratically elected health boards are deceitful and underhand, coming just months after an election during which they were never signalled, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King says “Leaked documents reveals a radical… ...
    1 week ago
  • Spin lines show a department in chaos
    Corrections Spin Doctors sending their place holder lines to journalists instead of responding to serious allegations shows the scale of chaos at the department over the Serco scandal, says Labour’s Corrections Spokesperson Kelvin Davis. “As more and more serious allegations… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Court ruling shows law should never have been passed
    A High Court ruling that a law banning prisoners from voting is inconsistent with a properly functioning democracy should be a wake-up call for the Government, Labour’s Justice spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says. In an unprecedented ruling Justice Paul Heath has… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Judicial Review Gamble Pays Off for Problem Gambling Foundation
    Congratulations are due to the Problem Gambling Foundation (PGFNZ) who have won their legal case around how the Ministry of Health decided to award their contracts for problem gambling services to another service provider. Congratulations are due not just for… ...
    GreensBy Denise Roche MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Environmental Protection Agency appoints GE advocate as new CEO
    This week, the Environmental Protection Authority Amendment Bill passed its first reading in Parliament. The Bill puts protection of the environment into the core purpose of the Environmental Protection Authority. This month, Dr Allan Freeth, the former Chief Executive of… ...
    GreensBy Steffan Browning MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Charanpreet Dhaliwal death demands genuine health and safety reform
    The killing of a security guard on his first night on the job is exactly the kind of incident that National’s watered-down health and safety bill won’t prevent, says Te Atatu MP Phil Twyford. The coronial inquest into 22-year-old Charanpreet… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Arbitrary sanctions hit children hardest
    Increasing numbers of single parents are being penalised under a regime that is overly focussed on sanctions rather than getting more people into work, Labour’s Social Development spokesperson Carmel Sepuloni says. “Figures, obtained through Parliamentary questions show 3000 more sanctions,… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Hekia just won’t face the facts
    Hekia Parata’s decision to keep troubled Whangaruru Charter school open despite being presented with a catalogue of failure defies belief, goes against official advice and breaks a Government promise to close these schools if they were failing, says Labour’s Education… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • No more silent witnesses
    Yesterday I attended the launch of a new initiative developed by and for Asian, Middle eastern and African youth to support young people to name and get support if there is domestic violence at home. The impact on children of… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Single Use Plastic Bags campaign – Some wins and some green-washing
    As we near the end of Plastic Free July I’m nearing the conclusion of my Say No To Plastic Bag tour when I will have completed all 30 of my public meetings. The campaign was designed to work with community… ...
    GreensBy Denise Roche MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Single Use Plastic Bags campaign – Some wins and some green-washing
    As we near the end of Plastic Free July I’m nearing the conclusion of my Say No To Plastic Bag tour when I will have completed all 30 of my public meetings. The campaign was designed to work with community… ...
    GreensBy Denise Roche MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Minister must take responsibility for problem gambling debacle
    The Government’s handling of the Problem Gambling Foundation’s axing in a cost-cutting exercise has been ham-fisted and harmful to some of the most vulnerable people in society, Associate Health Labour spokesperson David Clark says.“Today’s court ruling overturning the axing of… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Labour will not support TPP if it undermines NZ sovereignty
    The Labour Party will not support the Trans Pacific Partnership Agreement unless key protections for New Zealanders are met, Opposition leader Andrew Little says.“Labour supports free trade. However, we will not support a TPP agreement that undermines New Zealand’s sovereignty. ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Coleman can’t ignore latest warnings
    Resident doctors have advised that a severe staffing shortage at North Shore Hospital is putting patients’ lives at risk, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King says. “They say a mismatch between staffing levels and patient workloads at North Shore has… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • ACC must remove barriers to appeals
    The Government must prioritise removing barriers to justice for ACC claimants following a damning report by Acclaim Otago, Labour’s ACC spokesperson Sue Moroney says. “ACC Minister Nikki Kaye must urgently scrap her flawed plan to remove claimant’s right to redress… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Six months’ paid parental leave back on the agenda
    Six months’ paid parental leave is back on the agenda and a step closer to reality for Kiwi parents after Labour’s new Member’s Bill was pulled from today’s ballot, the Bill’s sponsor and Labour MP Sue Moroney says. “My Bill… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Sole parents at risk of having no income
    New requirements for sole parents to undertake a reapplication process after a year is likely to mean a large number will face benefit cancellations, but not because they have obtained work, Labour’s Social Development spokesperson Carmel Sepuloni says. “Increasing numbers… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Juking the Welfare Stats Again
    Last week the government’s major initiative to combat child poverty (a paltry $25 increase) was exposed for what it is, a lie. The Government, through the Budget this year, claims to be engaging in the child poverty debate, but instead,… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    2 weeks ago
  • OCR rate cut a result of flagging economy
    The Reserve Bank's decision to cut the Official Cash Rate to 3 per cent shows there is no encore for the so-called 'rock star' economy, says Labour's Finance Spokesperson Grant Robertson.   "Today's interest rate cut comes off the back… ...
    2 weeks ago

Public service advertisements by The Standard

Current CO2 level in the atmosphere