Caption contest
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11:59 am, July 29th, 2018 - 76 comments
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- 2024 SkS Weekly Climate Change & Global Warming News Roundup #20
A listing of 34 news and opinion articles we found interesting and shared on social media during the past week: Sun, May 12, 2024 thru Sat, May 18, 2024. Story of the week “The legislation I signed today [will] keep windmills off our beaches, gas in our tanks, and ...5 hours ago - Bernard’s pick ‘n’ mix 6 @ 6:06am on Sunday, May 19
TL;DR: Here’s six links that stood out to me in the last day in Aotearoa’s political economy to 6:06am on Sunday, May 19:Aotearoa-NZ is the seventh worst in the OECD’s homelessness rankings, just behind the United States and just ahead of Australia. BlackRock thinks rate hikes actually worsen inflation because ...20 hours ago - Lords of the flies
20 hours ago - Fact Brief – Does breathing contribute to CO2 buildup in the atmosphere?Skeptical Science is partnering with Gigafact to produce fact briefs — bite-sized fact checks of trending claims. This fact brief was written by Sue Bin Park in collaboration with members from our Skeptical Science team. You can submit claims you think need checking via the tipline. Does breathing contribute to CO2 ...1 day ago
- Is it time to take the Interislander away from Kiwirail?
David Farrar writes – The Herald reports: KiwiRail’s seemingly endless requests for more money is damning. At one point, KiwiRail assured Robertson when he was the Finance Minister that the worst-case scenario would be an extra $300 million before requesting $1.2 billion a few months later. Not what most people ...2 days ago - Behind Blue Eyes.
No one knows what it's likeTo be the bad manTo be the sad manBehind blue eyesNo one knows what it's likeTo be hatedTo be fatedTo telling only liesHave you ever wondered what life must be like for Mike Hosking? Seeing things in black and white through blue tinted specs? In ...2 days ago - Road food
Hello! Here comes the Saturday edition of More Than A Feilding, catching you up on the past two week’s editions.Share More Than A FeildingBike bling, London Read more ...2 days ago - Some Reader Feedback For Your Weekend
Hi,I think we all made it through another week — congratulations. I’ve been digesting the new Arab Strap record, which is astonishing. In other news, I’m going to be doing a Webworm popup in Auckland, New Zealand on Saturday July 13. I’ll bring a bunch of merch, and some other ...2 days ago - Thinking About the Property Rights in Resource Decisions As Well As Transaction Costs.
The Fast-Track Approvals Bill enables cabinet ministers to circumvent key environmental planning and protection processes for infrastructure projects. Its difficulties have been well canvassed. This column suggests a different way of thinking about the proposal. I am going to explore the Bill from the perspective of its proponents with their ...2 days ago - Bryce Edwards: Can Shane Jones be trusted in making Fast-track decisions?
New Zealand First Cabinet Minister Shane Jones has become the best advertisement against the Government’s Fast Track Approvals Bill. In selling the radical new resource consenting processes, in which ministers can green light any mine, dam, or other major development, Jones seems to be shooting the proposal in the foot. ...2 days ago - Seymour appeals to PPTA to call off meetings on charter schools – but does he seriously believe he...
Buzz from the Beehive Associate Education Minister David Seymour is urging the PostPrimary Teachers Association to put learning ahead of ideology. He wants the union leaders to call off their teachers meetings around the country where they hope to muster the strength to undo the government’s plans to establish several ...2 days ago - Police don’t fight crime
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I am painting in oil, a portrait of a manWho has taken all the heart aches,And all the pain he can stand.I am using all the colors of blue,I have here on my stand.I am painting in oil, a portrait of a man.This has been an interesting week for me. ...3 days ago - The Hoon around the week to May 17Helen Clark joins the Hoon as a special guest talking whether Aotearoa should join Aukus II, and her views on the fast track legislation and how Luxon and the new Government are performing. File Photo: Lynn GrievesonTL;DR: The podcast above of the weekly ‘hoon’ webinar for subscribers features co-hosts ...3 days ago
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You can be all negative about these charter schools if you want, but I’m here to accentuate the positive. You can get all worked up, if you want to, by the contradiction of Luxon saying We’re going to make sure that every school in the country is teaching exactly the same ...3 days ago - This Unreasonable Government.
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- Picking Sides.3 days ago
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Half of Christchurch City Holdings Ltd’s directors and its chair resigned en masse last night in protest at Christchurch City Council’s demand to front-load dividends File Photo: Lynn Grieveson / The KākāTL;DR: The chair of Christchurch City Council’s investment company and four of its independent directors resigned in protest last ...4 days ago - Controversial proposal could threaten coalitionThe University of Waikato has reworded an advertisement that begins the tender process for its new $300 million-plus medical school even though the Government still needs to approve it. However, even the reworded ad contains an architect’s visualisations of what the school might look like. ACT leader David Seymour told ...4 days ago
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Seeing that, in order to discredit the figures and achieve moral superiority while attempting to deflect attention away from the military assault on Rafa, Israel supporters in NZ have seized on reports that casualty numbers in Gaza may be inflated … Continue reading ...4 days ago - Far too light a sentenceDavid Farrar writes – Newstalk ZB report: The man responsible for a horror hit and run in central Wellington last year was on a suspended licence and was so drunk he later asked police, “Did I kill someone?” Jason Tuitama injured two women when he ran a red ...5 days ago
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- Potaka's Private Universe.
And it's a pleasure that I have knownAnd it's a treasure that I have gainedAotearoa’s coalition government is fragile. It’s held together by the obsequious sycophancy of Christopher Luxon, who willingly contorts his party into the fringe positions of his junior coalition partners and is unwilling to contradict them. The ...6 days ago - Our slow regional councilsThe Select Committee hearing submissions on the fast-track consenting legislation is starting to become a beat-up of regional councils. The inflexibility and slow workings of the Councils were prominent in two submissions yesterday. One, from the Coromandel Marine Farmers Association, simply said that the Waikato Regional Council’s planning decisions were ...6 days ago
- Ministers are not above the law after allBack in April, the High Court surprised everyone by ruling that Ministers are above the law, at least as far as the Waitangi Tribunal is concerned. The reason for this ruling was "comity" - the idea that the different branches of government shouldn't interfere with each other's functions. Which makes ...6 days ago
- NZTA takes the wheel after govt gives it the road map for regional roads (and puts a speed governor ...Buzz from the Beehive Tolling was mentioned when Transport Minister Simeon Brown announced the government was re-introducing the Roads of National Significance (RoNS) programme, with 15 “crucial” projects to support economic growth and regional development across New Zealand. All RoNS would be four-laned, grade-separated highways, and all funding, financing, and ...6 days ago
- Change in Catalonia?or the past 14 years, ever since the Spanish government cheated on an autonomy deal, Catalonia has reliably given pro-independence parties a majority of seats in their regional parliament. But now that seems to be over. Catalans went to the polls yesterday, and stripped the Catalan parties of their majority. ...6 days ago
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Green Party co-leaders Marama Davidson and Chlöe Swarbrick used this year's State of the Planet to call on the Government to prioritise people and planet as the delivery of the Budget approaches. A full transcript of their speeches can be found below. ...13 hours ago - State of the Planet: Government must be guided by values not moneyGreen Party co-leaders Marama Davidson and Chlöe Swarbrick have used their State of the Planet speeches to challenge the Government to prioritise people and planet over profit as the delivery of the Budget approaches. ...15 hours ago
- Release: Chris Hipkins’ speech: New Zealand in 2040 – A vision worth fighting for
...1 day ago - Release: 4,500 jobs lost – and countingMore than 4,500 jobs are set to go as the National Government continues its deep cuts to services to pay for irresponsible and ill-timed tax cuts. ...3 days ago
- No-cause evictions leave no hope for rentersThe Government’s introduction of legislation that would enable landlords to end tenancies with no reason marks a dark day for the 1.4 million people who rent their home in Aotearoa. ...3 days ago
- Release: National winding back mental health workThe Minister for Mental Health has found the Suicide Prevention Office and mental health support for 111 calls slipping through his fingers, says Labour spokesperson for Mental Health Ingrid Leary. ...4 days ago
- Government ignorant of evidence in neglect of tamarikiToday’s justification from the Minister for Children for scrapping protections for our tamariki was either a case of ignorance or deliberate deception. ...5 days ago
- Gang policy setting communities up for failureThe Green Party says the Government’s misguided policy on gangs will fail, following the announcement of the establishment of a national gang unit and district gang disruption units to target gang activities. ...6 days ago
- Statement from police spokesperson Ginny Andersen“With Police pay negotiations still unresolved after six months in Government, Mark Mitchell has today rolled the Commissioner out for a rebrand of their approach to gang crime,” Labour police spokesperson Ginny Andersen said. ...6 days ago
- Charter schools not a serious solutionWe need serious investment and solutions into our education system, not a vanity project from David Seymour. ...6 days ago
- Release: Ideological charter schools won’t increase achievementThe Government bringing back 50 charter schools will not increase achievement and is a distraction from the core mission of the education system, Labour education spokesperson Jan Tinetti said. ...6 days ago
- Release: Visas needed for Palestinians with family in New ZealandThe Government must show some compassion and create a special visa to allow Palestinians with family in New Zealand to be reunited with them here. ...6 days ago
- Release: Govt’s stubbornness will harm Māori childrenGovernment has remained stubborn and is ramming its Bill into the House today, which the Waitangi Tribunal has said will hurt vulnerable children. ...6 days ago
- ‘Lucky dip’ process too casual for hearing critical submissions on Fast Track approvals billTe Pāti Māori is showing extreme concern over the Environment Select Committees adoption of a lucky dip draw to determine hearings for the Fast Track Approvals bill. Of the 27,000 submissions, 2,900 requested to present. All organisations will be heard; however, the remaining 2,350 submitters will be subject to a ...7 days ago
- New Zealand First Member’s Bill to protect women’s spaces
Today New Zealand First will introduce a Member’s Bill that will protect women’s spaces. The ‘Fair Access to Bathrooms Bill’ will require, primarily in the interest and safety of women and girls, that all new non-domestic publicly accessible buildings provide separate, clearly demarcated, unisex and single sex bathrooms. This Bill ...1 week ago - Release: Support for climate adaptation inquiryLabour supports a Notice of Motion in the House today to move the Finance and Expenditure Committee to conduct an inquiry on climate adaptation. ...1 week ago
- Greens welcome cross-party approach to climate adaptationThe Green Party is welcoming Climate Change Minister Simon Watts’ continuation of Hon. James Shaw’s cross-party work on climate adaptation, now in the form of a Finance and Expenditure Committee Inquiry. ...1 week ago
- Release: Sexual violence prevention among hundreds of job cuts at ACCThe National Government plans to cut 390 jobs at ACC, including roles in the areas of prevention of sexual violence, road safety and workplace safety. ...1 week ago
- Government shows allergy to evidence in benefits crackdownThe Government has been caught in opposition to evidence once again as it looks to usher in tried, tested and failed work seminar obligations for job-seeking beneficiaries. ...2 weeks ago
- Minister of Finance reheats austerity politicsThis morning’s pre-Budget speech from the Minister of Finance offered no “meaningful” news on the Government’s trickle-down economics based plans. ...2 weeks ago
- A win for Wellington – Greens welcome more housingThe Green Party is welcoming the announcement by the Minister Responsible for RMA Reform Chris Bishop to approve most of the Wellington City Council’s District Plan recommendations. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Backtrack on school lunches a win for Kiwi kidsDavid Seymour has failed to get the sweeping cuts he wanted to the free and healthy school lunch programme, Labour education spokesperson Jan Tinetti said. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Hon Willie Jackson to debate at the Prestigious Oxford UnionHon Willie Jackson has been invited by the Oxford Union to debate the motion “This House Believes British Museums are not Very British’ on May 23rd. ...2 weeks ago
- Members Bill will prevent Māori land confiscationsGreen Party MP Hūhana Lyndon says her Public Works (Prohibition of Compulsory Acquisition of Māori Land) Amendment Bill is an opportunity to right some past wrongs around the alienation of Māori land. ...2 weeks ago
- TIKANGA IS NOT LAW. IT IS CULTURAL INDOCTRINATION.A senior, highly respected King’s Counsel with decades of experience in our law courts, Gary Judd KC, has filed a complaint about compulsory tikanga Māori studies for law students - highlighting the utter depths of absurdity this woke cultural madness has taken our society. The tikanga regulations will compel law ...2 weeks ago
- Release: National won’t commit to full Nelson Hospital upgradeThe Government needs to be clear with the people of the Nelson Marlborough region about the changes it is considering for the Nelson Hospital rebuild, Labour health spokesperson Ayesha Verrall said. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Labour calls for fast track list to be releasedMinisters must front up about which projects it will push through under its Fast Track Approvals legislation, Labour environment spokesperson Rachel Brooking said today. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: National gaslights women fighting for equal payNational has scrapped the pay equity taskforce that fights for equal pay for women and looks at ethnic pay gaps. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: More job cuts, fewer houses under NationalThe Government is again adding to New Zealand’s growing unemployment, this time cutting jobs at the agencies responsible for urban development and growing much needed housing stock. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Children fall deeper through the cracks in Govt cutsWith Minister Karen Chhour indicating in the House today that she either doesn’t know or care about the frontline cuts she’s making to Oranga Tamariki, we risk seeing more and more of our children falling through the cracks. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Labour honours memory of Sir Robert MartinThe Labour Party is saddened to learn of the death of Sir Robert Martin, a globally renowned disability advocate who led the way for disability rights both in New Zealand and internationally. ...3 weeks ago
- Release: 130,000 cattle saved from live exportLabour is calling for the Government to urgently rethink its coalition commitment to restart live animal exports, Labour animal welfare spokesperson Rachel Boyack said. ...3 weeks ago
- Central Bank makes clear Government is pouring fuel on housing crisis fireToday’s Financial Stability Report has once again highlighted that poverty and deep inequality are political choices - and this Government is choosing to make them worse. ...3 weeks ago
- New unemployment figures paint bleak pictureThe Green Party is calling on the Government to do more for our households in most need as unemployment rises and the cost of living crisis endures. ...3 weeks ago
- Release: National’s job cuts already starting to bite as unemployment risesUnemployment is on the rise and it’s only going to get worse under this Government, Labour finance spokesperson Barbara Edmonds said. Stats NZ figures show the unemployment rate grew to 4.3 percent in the March quarter from 4 percent in the December quarter. “This is the second rise in unemployment ...3 weeks ago
- Release: National hiking transport costs for families and young New ZealandersWeekly expenses will grow for more than 1.6 million New Zealanders as the Government ends free and half price public transport fares tomorrow. ...3 weeks ago
- Release: Labour welcomes EU free trade agreementThe New Zealand Labour Party welcomes the entering into force of the European Union and New Zealand free trade agreement. This agreement opens the door for a huge increase in trade opportunities with a market of 450 million people who are high value discerning consumers of New Zealand goods and ...3 weeks ago
- Surprise: Landlord tax cuts don’t trickle downThe Green Party is renewing its call for rent controls following reports of rental prices hitting an all-time high. ...3 weeks ago
- Release: $1.7b for no increase in access to medicineThe National-led Government continues its fiscal jiggery pokery with its Pharmac announcement today, Labour Health spokesperson Ayesha Verrall says. “The government has increased Pharmac funding but conceded it will only make minimal increases in access to medicine”, said Ayesha Verrall “This is far from the bold promises made to fund ...3 weeks ago
- New measures to protect powerlines from trees
Energy Minister Simeon Brown has announced that the Government will make it easier for lines firms to take action to remove vegetation from obstructing local powerlines. The change will ensure greater security of electricity supply in local communities, particularly during severe weather events. “Trees or parts of trees falling on ...2 days ago - Wairarapa Moana ki Pouakani win top Māori dairy farming awardWairarapa Moana ki Pouakani were the top winners at this year’s Ahuwhenua Trophy awards recognising the best in Māori dairy farming. Māori Development Minister Tama Potaka announced the winners and congratulated runners-up, Whakatōhea Māori Trust Board, at an awards celebration also attended by Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Finance Minister ...2 days ago
- DJ Fred Again – Assurance report received"On the 27th of March, I sought assurances from the Chief Executive, Department of Internal Affairs, that the Department’s correct processes and policies had been followed in regards to a passport application which received media attention,” says Minister of Internal Affairs Brooke van Velden. “I raised my concerns after being ...2 days ago
- District Court Judges appointedAttorney-General Judith Collins has announced the appointment of three new District Court Judges, to replace Judges who have recently retired. Peter James Davey of Auckland has been appointed a District Court Judge with a jury jurisdiction to be based at Whangarei. Mr Davey initially started work as a law clerk/solicitor with ...3 days ago
- Unions should put learning ahead of ideologyAssociate Education Minister David Seymour is calling on the Post Primary Teachers’ Association (PPTA) to put ideology to the side and focus on students’ learning, in reaction to the union holding paid teacher meetings across New Zealand about charter schools. “The PPTA is disrupting schools up and down the ...3 days ago
- Craig Stobo appointed as chair of FMACommerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly today announced the appointment of Craig Stobo as the new chair of the Financial Markets Authority (FMA). Mr Stobo takes over from Mark Todd, whose term expired at the end of April. Mr Stobo’s appointment is for a five-year term. “The FMA plays ...3 days ago
- Budget 2024 invests in lifeguards and coastguardSurf Life Saving New Zealand and Coastguard New Zealand will continue to be able to keep people safe in, on, and around the water following a funding boost of $63.644 million over four years, Transport Minister Simeon Brown and Associate Transport Minister Matt Doocey say. “Heading to the beach for ...3 days ago
- New Zealand and Tuvalu reaffirm close relationshipNew Zealand and Tuvalu have reaffirmed their close relationship, Foreign Affairs Minister Winston Peters says. “New Zealand is committed to working with Tuvalu on a shared vision of resilience, prosperity and security, in close concert with Australia,” says Mr Peters, who last visited Tuvalu in 2019. “It is my pleasure ...3 days ago
- New Zealand calls for calm, constructive dialogue in New CaledoniaNew Zealand is gravely concerned about the situation in New Caledonia, Foreign Minister Winston Peters says. “The escalating situation and violent protests in Nouméa are of serious concern across the Pacific Islands region,” Mr Peters says. “The immediate priority must be for all sides to take steps to de-escalate the ...3 days ago
- New Zealand welcomes Samoa Head of StatePrime Minister Christopher Luxon met today with Samoa’s O le Ao o le Malo, Afioga Tuimalealiifano Vaaletoa Sualauvi II, who is making a State Visit to New Zealand. “His Highness and I reflected on our two countries’ extensive community links, with Samoan–New Zealanders contributing to all areas of our national ...3 days ago
- Island Direct eligible for SuperGold Card fundingTransport Minister Simeon Brown has announced that he has approved Waiheke Island ferry operator Island Direct to be eligible for SuperGold Card funding, paving the way for a commercial agreement to bring the operator into the scheme. “Island Direct started operating in November 2023, offering an additional option for people ...4 days ago
- Further sanctions against RussiaForeign Minister Winston Peters today announced further sanctions on 28 individuals and 14 entities providing military and strategic support for Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. “Russia is directly supported by its military-industrial complex in its illegal aggression against Ukraine, attacking its sovereignty and territorial integrity. New Zealand condemns all entities and ...4 days ago
- One year on from Loafers LodgeA year on from the tragedy at Loafers Lodge, the Government is working hard to improve building fire safety, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. “I want to share my sincere condolences with the families and friends of the victims on the anniversary of the tragic fire at Loafers ...4 days ago
- Pre-Budget speech to Auckland Business ChamberKa nui te mihi kia koutou. Kia ora and good afternoon, everyone. Thank you so much for having me here in the lead up to my Government’s first Budget. Before I get started can I acknowledge: Simon Bridges – Auckland Business Chamber CEO. Steve Jurkovich – Kiwibank CEO. Kids born ...5 days ago
- New Zealand and Vanuatu to deepen collaborationNew Zealand and Vanuatu will enhance collaboration on issues of mutual interest, Foreign Minister Winston Peters says. “It is important to return to Port Vila this week with a broad, high-level political delegation which demonstrates our deep commitment to New Zealand’s relationship with Vanuatu,” Mr Peters says. “This ...5 days ago
- Penk travels to Peru for trade meetingsMinister for Land Information, Chris Penk will travel to Peru this week to represent New Zealand at a meeting of trade ministers from the Asia-Pacific region on behalf of Trade Minister Todd McClay. The annual Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Ministers Responsible for Trade meeting will be held on 17-18 May ...5 days ago
- Minister attends global education conferencesMinister of Education Erica Stanford will head to the United Kingdom this week to participate in the 22nd Conference of Commonwealth Education Ministers (CCEM) and the 2024 Education World Forum (EWF). “I am looking forward to sharing this Government’s education priorities, such as introducing a knowledge-rich curriculum, implementing an evidence-based ...5 days ago
- Education Minister thanks outgoing NZQA ChairMinister of Education Erica Stanford has today thanked outgoing New Zealand Qualifications Authority Chair, Hon Tracey Martin. “Tracey Martin tendered her resignation late last month in order to take up a new role,” Ms Stanford says. Ms Martin will relinquish the role of Chair on 10 May and current Deputy ...5 days ago
- Joint statement of Christopher Luxon and Emmanuel Macron: Launch of the Christchurch Call FoundationNew Zealand Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and President Emmanuel Macron of France today announced a new non-governmental organisation, the Christchurch Call Foundation, to coordinate the Christchurch Call’s work to eliminate terrorist and violent extremist content online. This change gives effect to the outcomes of the November 2023 Call Leaders’ Summit, ...6 days ago
- Panel announced for review into disability servicesDistinguished public servant and former diplomat Sir Maarten Wevers will lead the independent review into the disability support services administered by the Ministry of Disabled People – Whaikaha. The review was announced by Disability Issues Minister Louise Upston a fortnight ago to examine what could be done to strengthen the ...6 days ago
- Minister welcomes Police gang unitToday’s announcement by Police Commissioner Andrew Coster of a National Gang Unit and district Gang Disruption Units will help deliver on the coalition Government’s pledge to restore law and order and crack down on criminal gangs, Police Minister Mark Mitchell says. “The National Gang Unit and Gang Disruption Units will ...6 days ago
- New Zealand expresses regret at North Korea’s aggressive rhetoricForeign Minister Winston Peters has today expressed regret at North Korea’s aggressive rhetoric towards New Zealand and its international partners. “New Zealand proudly stands with the international community in upholding the rules-based order through its monitoring and surveillance deployments, which it has been regularly doing alongside partners since 2018,” Mr ...6 days ago
- New Chief of Defence Force appointedAir Vice-Marshal Tony Davies MNZM is the new Chief of Defence Force, Defence Minister Judith Collins announced today. The Chief of Defence Force commands the Navy, Army and Air Force and is the principal military advisor to the Defence Minister and other Ministers with relevant portfolio responsibilities in the defence ...6 days ago
- Government puts children first by repealing 7AALegislation to repeal section 7AA of the Oranga Tamariki Act has been introduced to Parliament. The Bill’s introduction reaffirms the Coalition Government’s commitment to the safety of children in care, says Minister for Children, Karen Chhour. “While section 7AA was introduced with good intentions, it creates a conflict for Oranga ...6 days ago
- Defence Minister to meet counterparts in UK, ItalyDefence Minister Judith Collins will this week travel to the UK and Italy to meet with her defence counterparts, and to attend Battles of Cassino commemorations. “I am humbled to be able to represent the New Zealand Government in Italy at the commemorations for the 80th anniversary of what was ...6 days ago
- Charter schools to lift educational outcomesThe upcoming Budget will include funding for up to 50 charter schools to help lift declining educational performance, Associate Education Minister David Seymour announced today. $153 million in new funding will be provided over four years to establish and operate up to 15 new charter schools and convert 35 state ...6 days ago
- COVID-19 Inquiry terms of reference consultation results received“The results of the public consultation on the terms of reference for the Royal Commission into COVID-19 Lessons has now been received, with results indicating over 13,000 submissions were made from members of the public,” Internal Affairs Minister Brooke van Velden says. “We heard feedback about the extended lockdowns in ...6 days ago
- The Pacific family of nations – the changing security outlookForeign Minister, Defence Minister, other Members of Parliament Acting Chief of Defence Force, Secretary of Defence Distinguished Guests Defence and Diplomatic Colleagues Ladies and Gentlemen, Good afternoon, tēna koutou, apinun tru It’s a pleasure to be back in Port Moresby today, and to speak here at the Kumul Leadership ...6 days ago
- NZ and Papua New Guinea to work more closely togetherHealth, infrastructure, renewable energy, and stability are among the themes of the current visit to Papua New Guinea by a New Zealand political delegation, Foreign Minister Winston Peters says. “Papua New Guinea carries serious weight in the Pacific, and New Zealand deeply values our relationship with it,” Mr Peters ...6 days ago
- Driving ahead with Roads of Regional SignificanceThe coalition Government is launching Roads of Regional Significance to sit alongside Roads of National Significance as part of its plan to deliver priority roading projects across the country, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “The Roads of National Significance (RoNS) built by the previous National Government are some of New Zealand’s ...7 days ago
- New Zealand congratulates new Solomon Islands governmentA high-level New Zealand political delegation in Honiara today congratulated the new Government of Solomon Islands, led by Jeremiah Manele, on taking office. “We are privileged to meet the new Prime Minister and members of his Cabinet during his government’s first ten days in office,” Deputy Prime Minister and ...1 week ago
- New Zealand supports UN Palestine resolutionNew Zealand voted in favour of a resolution broadening Palestine’s participation at the United Nations General Assembly overnight, Foreign Minister Winston Peters says. “The resolution enhances the rights of Palestine to participate in the work of the UN General Assembly while stopping short of admitting Palestine as a full ...1 week ago
- Speech to the 2024 Infrastructure SymposiumIntroduction Good morning. It’s a great privilege to be here at the 2024 Infrastructure Symposium. I was extremely happy when the Prime Minister asked me to be his Minister for Infrastructure. It is one of the great barriers holding the New Zealand economy back from achieving its potential. Building high ...1 week ago
- $571 million for Defence pay and projectsDefence Minister Judith Collins today announced the upcoming Budget will include new funding of $571 million for Defence Force pay and projects. “Our servicemen and women do New Zealand proud throughout the world and this funding will help ensure we retain their services and expertise as we navigate an increasingly ...1 week ago
- Climate change – mitigating the risks and costsNew Zealand’s ability to cope with climate change will be strengthened as part of the Government’s focus to build resilience as we rebuild the economy, Climate Change Minister Simon Watts says. “An enduring and long-term approach is needed to provide New Zealanders and the economy with certainty as the climate ...1 week ago
- Getting new job seekers on the pathway to workJobseeker beneficiaries who have work obligations must now meet with MSD within two weeks of their benefit starting to determine their next step towards finding a job, Social Development and Employment Minister Louise Upston says. “A key part of the coalition Government’s plan to have 50,000 fewer people on Jobseeker ...2 weeks ago
- Accelerating Social InvestmentA new standalone Social Investment Agency will power-up the social investment approach, driving positive change for our most vulnerable New Zealanders, Social Investment Minister Nicola Willis says. “Despite the Government currently investing more than $70 billion every year into social services, we are not seeing the outcomes we want for ...2 weeks ago
- Getting Back on TrackCheck against delivery Good morning. It is a pleasure to be with you to outline the Coalition Government’s approach to our first Budget. Thank you Mark Skelly, President of the Hutt Valley Chamber of Commerce, together with your Board and team, for hosting me. I’d like to acknowledge His Worship ...2 weeks ago
- NZ – European Union ties more critical than everYour Excellency Ambassador Meredith, Members of the Diplomatic Corps and Ambassadors from European Union Member States, Ministerial colleagues, Members of Parliament, and other distinguished guests, Thank you everyone for joining us. Ladies and gentlemen - In diplomacy, we often speak of ‘close’ and ‘long-standing’ relations. ...2 weeks ago
- Therapeutic Products Act to be repealedThe Therapeutic Products Act (TPA) will be repealed this year so that a better regime can be put in place to provide New Zealanders safe and timely access to medicines, medical devices and health products, Associate Health Minister Casey Costello announced today. “The medicines and products we are talking about ...2 weeks ago
- Kanaky New Caledonia unrest: French politics rocked as leaders plead for end
NC La Première television reports on the clearing of barricades after a week of protests and rioting in the capital Nouméa. Video: NC 1ère TV By Patrick Decloitre, RNZ Pacific correspondent French Pacific desk With New Caledonia about to enter its second week of deadly riots, French authorities have mounted ...3 hours ago - Pacific civil society groups condemn ‘heavy-handed’ French crackdown over Kanaky unrestAsia Pacific Report Pacific civil society and solidarity groups today stepped up their pressure on the French government, accusing it of a “heavy-handed” crackdown on indigenous Kanak protest in New Caledonia, comparing it to Indonesian security forces crushing West Papuan dissent. A state of emergency was declared last week, at ...4 hours ago
- Police and justice system need to re-earn 'lost faith' – dairy owners
The new government's promised law and order changes need to happen faster, a spokesman says. ...6 hours ago - Taiwanese Community in Christchurch Rallies for Taiwan's WHO Participation
On May 18, the Taiwanese community in Christchurch came together for the "Health for All, Taiwan Can Help" march, urging the World Health Organization (WHO) to grant Taiwan participation. ...10 hours ago - Govt policies tailored for the wealthy, not the people – GreensThe Greens are taking aim at the coalition government 's policies, saying they lack genuine care. ...10 hours ago
- What Is Behind The Turmoil In The New Zealand Green Party?The instability comes as the party tries to refresh its brand after six years of being part of a right-wing, pro-imperialist government with both the Labour Party and, from 2017-2020, the far-right NZ First Party. ...13 hours ago
- Wake Up Call: Government Debt Hits $90,000 Per Household Today – “$90k Debt Day”Based on the latest Treasury forecasts, New Zealand Government debt will tick above $90,000 per household for the first time ever at 10pm today, Sunday 19 May 2024. The Taxpayers’ Union is calling it “$90k Debt Day”. Commenting on this, Taxpayers’ ...13 hours ago
- Watch: Christopher Luxon speaks at National Party conferencePrime Minister Christopher Luxon will be talking at the Palmerston North Function Centre on Sunday morning. ...16 hours ago
- Iwi Leaders Group united against Oranga Tamariki scrapping Treaty obligationsIf the government really wants Oranga Tamariki to continue working with Māori groups, it should leave the law as it is, leader says. ...19 hours ago
- Government IT Systems Need A $800 Million OverhaulThe government is facing a bill of more than $800 million to overhaul back-office IT systems, and attempts to lessen its impact have hit delays. ...20 hours ago
- Bolstering support for Asian personnel in the NZ Defence ForceThe founder of a Pan-Asian network in the New Zealand Defence Force hopes to support Asian personnel in their defence careers. ...20 hours ago
- 'Increasingly Activist' Waitangi Tribunal Faces Its Future Under Renewed Attack From Senio...David Seymour has renewed attacks on what he says is an 'increasingly activist' Tribunal as it faces questions about its future. ...20 hours ago
- An Ode to .. Shane Jones
Arawata Shane Arawata Shane had wandered long In the wild tangled hills of the West Coast. He came to a stop on the mighty range And looked down at the wide river flats. He breathed in the clean air, And he took in the shadows playing across The face of ...20 hours ago - Fiji’s Jo Nata reflects on the 2000 coup: ‘We let the racism genie out of the bottle’SPECIAL REPORT: Islands Business in Suva Today is the 24th anniversary of renegade and failed businessman George Speight’s coup in 2000 Fiji. The elected coalition government headed by Mahendra Chaudhry, the first and only Indo-Fijian prime minister of Fiji, was held hostage at gunpoint for 56 days in the country’s ...1 day ago
- Rule change to protect powerlines from being hit by treesEnergy Minister Simeon Brown wants a 'clear to the sky' zone to prevent vegetation hanging over lines. ...1 day ago
- New Caledonia riots: Tear gas, stun grenades used as protesters swarm airport runwayBy Lydia Lewis, RNZ Pacific journalist and Kelvin Anthony, RNZ Pacific digital journalist Police have used tear gas and stun grenades on rioters at an airport near Nouméa as the chaos in New Caledonia stretched into its sixth day. Five people, including two police officers, have died and hundreds of ...1 day ago
- Government faces further legal action over Māori Health Authority axingIt is the second High Court action into the government's policies affecting Māori. ...1 day ago
- Kanaky New Caledonia: Amnesty calls on France to ‘uphold rights’ of indigenous peopleAsia Pacific ReportThe global human rights watchdog Amnesty International has called on France to not “misuse” a crackdown in the ongoing unrest in the non-self-governing French Pacific territory of Kanaky New Caledonia in the wake of a controversial vote by the French Parliament to adopt a bill changing the territory’s ...2 days ago
- Revamped school lunches may be less healthy – principalA major provider of school lunches fears the government's new $3 limit for most students will see them eating more pre-packaged and processed food. ...2 days ago
- ‘Stop laughing, I’m trying to kill someone’: Cohen Holloway on playing a serial murderer
The star of Dark City: The Cleaner takes us through his life in TV, including the VHS revolution and the John Campbell impression that started it all. Best known for his comedic roles, Cohen Holloway says he struggled at times to maintain the stone cold facade of serial killer on ...2 days ago - A life storyDavid Hill remembers an old friend, who you’ve probably never heard of. My friend Doug never travelled; he had little interest in the world beyond his own tiny rural town. I’ve rarely known anyone who radiated such contentment. Doug (I’ll call him that) died in March. You won’t know him. ...2 days ago
- Do you recognise anybody in these 150-year-old photographs?Some of the earliest photos of life in Aotearoa are on display at Auckland Museum right now – but the identities of some of the people in them are a mystery. What was it like to be one of the first people in New Zealand to have their photo taken? ...2 days ago
- The indie books fest bringing big ideas to small town WairarapaSince its founding almost a decade ago, Featherston Booktown has grown into one of the country’s most interesting and idiosyncratic literary events. Erin Banks reports from the audience. “Come in, have you had lunch? I’m about to make a cheese toastie.” Mary Biggs, operations manager of Featherston Booktown Karukatea Festival, ...2 days ago
- Enduring the voyage of the tatauAfter 33 years abroad, Loveni Enari recently returned to Aotearoa and Samoa in what a friend joked was an “existential crisis”. He learnt and re-learnt so much about his family, friends and both countries. Almost as an afterthought, he got a Samoan tatau. This is his story. (Accompanying it are ...2 days ago
- Bearing witness to a confession of murderNearly 30 years ago, two people told me they’d killed a woman they knew. I thought the truth would come out, that others would tell it. In the end, I had to. The Sunday Essay is made possible thanks to the support of Creative New Zealand. Fact: in 1995, Angela Blackmoore ...2 days ago
- The Weekend: A landmark case for trans rights in AotearoaEditor Madeleine Chapman looks back at the week and shines a light on some increasingly rare longform journalism. Mōrena and welcome to The Weekend where there will sadly be no aurora to see. After a busy week last week of short, sharp pieces, this week we swung the other way, ...2 days ago
- Tourists trapped by New Caledonia unrest feel ‘abandoned’ by NZBy Lauren Crimp , RNZ News reporter New Zealanders stuck among riots and civil unrest in New Caledonia’s capital say they feel abandoned by their own country, having received little help from the government. Nouméa descended into chaos on Monday, with clashes between indigenous Kanak pro-independence protesters and French security ...2 days ago
- Kanaky in flames: Five takeaways from the New Caledonia independence riotsANALYSIS: By David Robie, editor of Asia Pacific Report Jean-Marie Tjibaou, a revered Kanak visionary, was inspirational to indigenous Pacific political activists across Oceania, just like Tongan anthropologist and writer Epeli Hao’ofa was to cultural advocates. Tragically, he was assassinated in 1989 by an opponent within the independence movement during ...2 days ago
- When body positivity becomes problematicForget thin is in, apparently now bigger is better … or is it? After over a decade of body positivity, girls, teens and women are even more confused about what body positivity actually is. The movement began with women confronting unrealistic expectations of how their bodies should look. But sub-strands ...2 days ago
- Short story: Ruin, by Ockham winner Emma HislopGrace always sat at the bar at the back of The Cambridge, where she could watch who came in. A huge mirror ran the length of the pub, so you could sometimes watch people without them knowing. The mirror made the place seem a lot bigger than it really was. ...2 days ago
- The Secret Diary of .. Sheriff Mark MitchellMONDAY Sheriff Mark Mitchell rose at dawn. He had a long day’s ride ahead of him. He was headed for Waikeria. Waikeria! Even the name itself stirred his blood, and set root in his imagination. There was nothing and no one in Waikeria. But he would bend it to his ...2 days ago
- The Boy in the Water: A forensic examination, at lastThe first phase of the inquest into the death of Gore toddler Lachlan Jones finished this week, turning up plenty of revelations and few answers. But through all the confusion, heartbreak and antipathy on display, the simple fact at the heart of this case remains: if little Lachie’s body had ...2 days ago
- How Many Public Sector Roles Are Going, And From Where?Public servants' jobs are on the chopping block as the sector scrambles to meet the Finance Minister's cost-cutting targets. ...2 days ago
- Can you control your image? Gina Rinehart, King Charles and ‘moral portraits’Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Roger Benjamin, Professor in Art History, University of Sydney “She’s no oil painting”. Those were the unkind words of a colleague commenting on the subject of Vincent Namatjira’s acrylic painting, Gina. Every one of the prominent Australians and cultural heroes in Namatjira’s ...2 days ago
- Government plans for Māori wards breach The Treaty of Waitangi -TribunalGovernment plans to require local councils hold a referendum on whether to have Māori wards breaches the Treaty of Waitangi, a Waitangi Tribunal report has found. ...2 days ago
- Threatened species have declined 2% a year since 2000. Nature positive? Far from it.Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Megan C Evans, Senior Lecturer, Public Sector Management, School of Business, UNSW Sydney Martin Tobias Aakesson/Shutterstock Our government has great aspirations. It has committed to end extinctions and expand our protected areas to cover 30% of every Australian ecosystem by 2030. ...2 days ago
- Rugby league in Perth and Papua New Guinea? Here’s what could be next for the NRLSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Tim Harcourt, Industry Professor and Chief Economist, University of Technology Sydney This year the National Rugby League (NRL) opened its season in Las Vegas. It was an audacious move by the league’s ambitious head honcho Peter V’Landys to showcase the game in ...2 days ago
- The budget has earmarked $8.6 million for live music. Is it enough to save the flailing industry?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Catherine Strong, Associate Professor, Music Industry, RMIT University Leading music organisations have praised the federal budget for its investment in the live music sector. The budget includes A$8.6 million for a program called Revive Live: to provide essential support to ...2 days ago
- The Week in Politics: Charter schools, special police units and a tricky problem for the governmentThe Week in Politics: ACT brings back a signature policy, while NZ First mulls how to fulfil a promise. ...2 days ago
- There’s $110 million for Indigenous education in the budget. But where’s the evidence it will wo...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Marnee Shay, Associate Professor, Principal Research Fellow, The University of Queensland The 2024 federal budget contains A$110 million for Indigenous education. This includes funding for various different organisations to represent and help Indigenous people as well as scholarships in a bid to ...2 days ago
- New Caledonia’s Nouméa airport closed until Tuesday, says Air New ZealandAir New Zealand has confirmed Nouméa’s Tontouta International airport in New Caledonia is closed until Tuesday. The airline earlier told RNZ it would update customers as soon as it could. Earlier today, Foreign Affairs Minister Winston Peters told RNZ Morning Report government officials had been working on an “hourly basis” ...2 days ago
- Cameras reveal wombat burrows can be safe havens after fire and waterholes after rainSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Grant Linley, PhD Candidate in Ecology, Charles Sturt University Grant Linley Australia’s unprecedented Black Summer bushfires in 2019–20 created ideal conditions for misinformation to spread, from the insidious to the absurd. It was within this context that a bizarre story ...2 days ago
- ChatGPT is now better than ever at faking human emotion and behaviourSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Marcel Scharth, Lecturer in Business Analytics, University of Sydney OpenAI executive Mira Murati launching GPT-4o. OpenAI Earlier this week OpenAI launched GPT-4o (“o” for “omni”), a new version of the artificial intelligence (AI) system powering the popular ChatGPT chatbot. GPT-4o is promoted ...2 days ago
- Menopause can bring increased cholesterol levels and other heart risks. Here’s why and what to do ...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Treasure McGuire, Assistant Director of Pharmacy, Mater Health SEQ in conjoint appointment as Associate Professor of Pharmacology, Bond University and as Associate Professor (Clinical), The University of Queensland Speedkingz/Shutterstock Menopause is a natural biological process that marks the end of a ...3 days ago
- The Friday Poem: ‘Xiāng’ by Hannah PattersonA new poem by Hannah Patterson. Xiāng There’s a pear tree in our backyard And Xiāng tells me She can’t eat them anymore Not after some things that have happened in her life. She tells me, in Mandarin The word for pear sounds the same as the word for disassociation ...3 days ago
- Cycle lanes are good for business, actually‘Cycling Works’ aims to show business support for citywide cycle infrastructure. This is an excerpt from our weekly environmental newsletter Future Proof. Sign up here. Last week, supermarket giant Foodstuffs lost its attempt to block the construction of a cycle lane outside Thorndon New World in Wellington. The Spinoff’s Wellington editor ...3 days ago
- The Unity Books bestseller chart for the week ending May 17The only published and available best-selling indie book chart in New Zealand is the top 10 sales list recorded every week at Unity Books’ stores in High St, Auckland, and Willis St, Wellington. AUCKLAND 1 Slow Productivity by Cal Newport (Penguin, $40) Taking out the top spot in Auckland this ...3 days ago
- Nuclear subs are coming to Australia. Now the Coalition wants reactors, too. We’re not ready for i...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Ian Lowe, Emeritus Professor, School of Environment and Science, Griffith University For decades, Australia has exported uranium – but not used it, other than in the Lucas Heights research reactor. But change is coming. We now face a rapidly deepening commitment to ...3 days ago
- After 180 years, new clues are revealing just how general anaesthesia works in the brainSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Adam D Hines, Research fellow, Queensland University of Technology Sergey Mironov/Shutterstock Over 350 million surgeries are performed globally each year. For most of us, it’s likely at some point in our lives we’ll have to undergo a procedure that needs general ...3 days ago
- 'I can do much better': Green MP Julie Anne Genter promises to improve conduct"In future I should walk away," Green MP Julie Anne Genter says after complaints over an exchange in Parliament and from two members of the public. ...3 days ago
- Call to protect asylum seekers who may arrive in New Zealand by boatA group of more than 40 refugees, charities and advocates want better protections for asylum seekers arriving by boat. ...3 days ago
- Homo Pentecostus: on queer intimacies, religion, ancestry and the human need for connectionSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Jonathan Graffam, PhD Candidate in Theatre, Monash University Gianna Rizzo/Malthouse Music pumps; lights pulsate; two sweaty bodies sway together, touching, breathing in each other’s scent. A male body framed by downlight restlessly shifts between stances and gestures. He undresses. The intensity ...3 days ago
- Want to be buried on your own land, at sea or in a forest? A guide to unconventional send-offsSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Sandra van der Laan, Professor of Accounting, University of Sydney Mtaya/Shutterstock At some point, you or someone else will need to make a decision about your “send-off”. Most Australians die in an institution, such as a hospital or aged care facility. ...3 days ago
- Vanuatu, MSG chief reaffirms support for FLNKS, blames France over unrestAsia Pacific Report Vanuatu Prime Minister Charlot Salwai — who is also Chairman of the Melanesian Spearhead Group — has reaffirmed MSG’s support of the pro-independence umbrella group Kanak and Socialist National Liberation Front (FLNKS) stance opposing the French government’s constitutional bill “unfreezing” the New Caledonia Electoral Roll. It is ...3 days ago
- Blazing a trail: the Leonard family legacy in Māori televisionProducer Susan Leonard remembers her father Ernie, a pioneer of Māori television, and how his legacy lives on in Pathfinders. My father was a fabulous man. His name was Ernie Leonard and he started in TV in the 1970s when it was still glamorous – when TVNZ made behind the ...3 days ago
- Home detention for New Caledonia’s unrest ringleaders, Tiktok bannedBy Patrick Decloitre, RNZ Pacific correspondent French Pacific desk, and Lydia Lewis, RNZ Pacific journalist The suspected ringleaders of the unrest in New Caledonia have been placed in home detention and the social network TikTok has been banned as French security forces struggle to restore law and order. The French ...3 days ago
- Review finds big increase in multi-year government spends, use not always justifiedMulti-year appropriations - which give the government authority to spend money without reapplying annually - are loosening Parliament's control of the public purse, auditor-general says. ...3 days ago
- $63.6m for Surf Life Saving and Coastguard in Budget 2024"New Zealand has a tragically high drowning toll," Transport Minister Simeon Brown said at the announcement. ...3 days ago
- Dr. Eric Chuah Standing For Mayor Of TaurangaDr. Eric Chuah who stood for a centrist NZ political party in the October 2023 NZ Elections for Maungakiekie Auckland will stand as a candidate for Tauranga City Council Ward of Matua-=Otumoetai and Mayor of Tauranga. ...3 days ago
- How to enjoy a comedy festival in your own loungeIf you can’t get to the comedy fest, let us bring the comedy fest to you. This is an excerpt from our weekly pop culture newsletter Rec Room. Sign up here. The New Zealand International Comedy Festival is in full swing at the moment, with a veritable smorgasboard of comedy treats ...3 days ago
- Poll Shows Three Quarters Of Wellingtonians Oppose Airport SaleA new poll commissioned by Unions Wellington shows an overwhelming majority of Wellingtonians oppose the Council’s plan to sell the 34% public stake in Wellington Airport. ...3 days ago
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Say cheese. Then the meltdown and you are all toast.
You can see the petroleum on their breath.
The Gree Dees – greatest hits – how deep is your depravity, tragedy part 43, staying a slime, im really a joke, and of course the big favorite – lonely dazed, lonely tight when am I gonna get my money…
The Elders having a good laugh at Simon.
“The Protocols of the Elders of Simon”? Think I saw that in a conspiracy nutter’s bookcase once.
Of Zion, rather. No, no link to that whatsoever.
When you don’t get the joke, you are the joke.
Simon photobombs selfie.
The Goof, the Bad, and the Ugly.
You b….
I was going to do that one:
The Goon, the Bad and the Ugly.
I take no credit and make no apologies except to say that it was too obviously easy 😉
It was rather….
I donate to you The Goon Show Australasia.
A sneak of weasels
(What is the collective noun for weasels)
The Rat Pack.
Slytherin House prefects.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Pack
Thank you Robert. Good to learn something so appropriate.
A boogle, gang, confusion or pack of weasels.
Thank you David Mac for that contortion of lovely adjectives.
“Thanks to the vile necromantic arts of John Key and his young apprentice Simon Bridges, the National Party Conference was graced by the reanimated corpse of John Howard.”
The moment Simon realises he’s taken far too much acid…
So, Simon’s sugar rushing.
https://static.petersofkensington.com.au/images/ProductImages/636617-Zoom.jpg
Don’t you mean not enough acid? That’s his bloody problem.
Blue-green anyone?
Send in the clowns
Green as in snakeskin
Fuck your flag Winston
We want New Zealanders living in cars and under bridges.
Under Bridges – that sounds sleazy.
Hair today, gone tomorrow.
Simon and da Finkels
sack, back and crack
🤣🤣
Sag, bag, and crap. [all verbs]
The goon, the gone and the going aka the hirsute, the bald and the pony tail.
Nice one!
The Goof, the Bald, and the Smugly.
Simon, Deagol and Smeagol.
The top cast for Sir Peter’s next movie has been decided with the approval of the Actors Guild? Not so much need for Weta Studios this time 😉
I will probably get condemned here – and there – but this poster on Your NZ (or rather someone in their house) nailed it in one with this (slightly abbreviated) playing on Bridges’ tweet of this photo plus “Me and two Johns”:
Simon and two Johns = three Dicks
h/t Duperez – https://yournz.org/2018/07/29/at-least-bridges-is-getting-some-publicity/#comment-294598
OMG, the resurrection of Larry, Moe and Curly. Sad the lengths Natz will go to make itself seem a viable alternative to government!
The long term beneficiary, the war criminal and the White collar fraudster.
The exclusive brethren
That’s really funny, Tricledown!
What!? Just noticed it’s “drown”, not “down”.
Apologies.
Going, Gone, and Gone.
Or – Going, Gone and Gonzo!
The Three Stooges reboot has finally beencast.
Blood Sucking Zombies from Hell….Now playing in a country near you…even one little taste of the housing market will turn into one of their mindless minions!
The Prosecutor, the Solicitor, the Banker.
walked into a bar…
… the Banker
horses aroundgets the attention of the barmaid ……she tucks her pony-tail into her collar as the 2 Johns slide their bottoms across the soft leather of a booth. Simon shakes hands with a ‘Say Cheese’ smile, orders a Shandy for himself and cocktails for the right pair of Johns. Mr Howard ordered a ‘Snowball in Hell’ and Key asked Simon to get him an Inspiration Wasteland on the rocks.’
A gallon of eau de vie, three straws and quick now we have finished the speeches schmoozing the punters.
The barmaid thanked Simon for his tip and slid the coin into the video jukebox. A fan of early Clint Eastwood movies and choral music she selected the theme/trailer of an old movie called Kelly’s Heroes.
Key casts a dark glance at his conspiracy fellows, checks for hidden mikes in the pepper & salt shakers, and opens the conversation: “I’ve got some dirt in my top drawer that will change our fortunes. What I’m saying is that with a bit of help from our friends in the MSM we’re on the brink of something exceptional”. Simon lets escape a deep sigh of relief that sounds more like rumbling flatulence, which attracts the attention of some other dodgy characters hidden in the dark shadows of the bar: “Thank you Sir John, I was getting a little concerned about my lack of popularity”. Key, making a throat slitting gesture, hushes Simon “Zip it sweetie, John and I are having a conversation. You need to learn to respect your elders”.
Simon leaned in and said “I think Grant Robertson fiddles with another man’s thing.”
It says “[k]eep it seemly …” at the top of the post so here goes:
Key, after a long gulp from his Inspiration Wasteland and lowering his voice with a slight slurring of his words: “I have it on good authority that all Ministers of Finance fiddle while Rome burns. Tell me, have you fed your chickens lately? It is a question that every PM and aspiring PM gets asked. You’ll need to be prepared with a wise-cracking answer or you’re gone by lunch time. Don will see to it.” Simon lets rip an even louder sigh of relief that unsettles other punters in the shadows and some rustling noises can be heard. John and John smile at each other, knowingly, and nod; the GCSB is in the bar doing important reconnaissance work on unsuspecting innocent law-abiding citizens minding their own business and trying to have a quiet beer in the bar.
What an “ashpirational” group.
The Three Little Pigs
Howard’s End remake flounders.
The reverse works better….
Howard’s End remake secures funding.
Cheesy grins and hidden hands….. things that make you go hmmmmmmmm…
Rough as guts, blood and guts, get some guts
No such thing as poverty! SMILE!!
The Three Muppeteers: one for us, all for us!
Rough as guts, blood and guts, get some guts
Introducing “National” the stage show. Bringing to life past elections wins that never existed – 1817, 1917 and 2017.
What the critics say,
“Jesus Christ Superstar meets dead Cats”
Yeah, nah, yeah…
Spot the idiot.
“No. Simon, that’s not what ‘a meeting in camera’ means!”
So a seat warmer, a racist and, a has been walk into a bar.
They all hit their heads on it and fall over as that bar was their moral bar and it was extremely low.
Gog, Magog and the Progeny
Well two people thought it was a good idea to bring him over
Jail bait
meat and two vege
Drongo, Dingo. and Dorkey.
First I’ll build 10 bridges, then I’ll lower class size then I’ll …