Written By: r0b - Date published: 3:27 pm, November 5th, 2010 - 41 comments
Categories: humour, john key -
Tags: clueless, hillary clinton
Labour Party leader and PM of Japan John Key
talks to visiting US President Hillary Clinton.
John’s other boob-boob,”I prefer boobs this big.”
Was he with Mana resident Hekia Parata? http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/4310531/Nationals-candidate-doesn-t-live-in-Mana
Well apparently he thinks he’s married to a hobbit, so I guess anything’s possible…
Hillary Clinton meets, and instantly forgets meeting, the “former Prime Minister of New Zealand”, John Key.
Whoever it was that first compared Key to David Brent was spot on.
Cringeworthy. To the extreme.
“Very interesting John. That’s how you prefer to do a hobbit is it? And the rest of the country? Oh. Any old way. I see.”
“So that’s why I think bike tracks are the way to go for you guys, good photo ops lol, but nah actually. Think about it eh. You could get the hubby out there biking an appalachian trail and ah, and it’s good ready umm work… spades, shovels whatever you know, kenyan economics eh. Not my sort of thing but that’s what we’re doing anyway lol, ‘cept we’re not really. ‘do fest’ hah! Hey there’s Judith Collins, don’t know why she’s here but better not show her those interrogation docs from afghanimastans, just sayin. “
Yes John, of course – you have a very statesmanly countenance.
“Is that your arse on fire there, Madam President, or are you just pleased to see me?”
JK: So it’s like I can hold two beers? One in each hand? And as long as I remember to maintain the ballast; the alcohol balance between the left hand and right hand, I find I can slur without staggering?
HC: Interesting, John.
“So I understand there was all this fuss about your husband getting interned? I looked it up… wow it must have been horrific being buried alive!”
JK: I’m kinda that musch like Obama… well, maybe not quite THAT much. More like THISH musch. Eshpeshly when I talk about being ambishish for New Zild.It’s kinda like Yesh I can… er… we can.
HRC: Hmmm. Yes. It would have been interesting to have been campaigning against you in the primaries.
Hillary says to John
“Er yeah, Obama’s blackberry diary is full till 2012 … (awkward silence) cough… but I might be able to swing you a impromptu meet n greet at Bubas steak house with George W… he doesn’t get out much these days…. oh and photographs are optional extras but George likes to be paid in euros.. and what ever you do, don’t tell him I know you….. need to know basis…. (nervous gulp) now wheres that designer pantsuit boutique you speak so highly of ? “
Hillary: Are you sure you’re not from the 90s?
Key: Yeah nah, I’m from New Zulland act-chewly, Mussus Prusudunt.
Me and Obama aren’t so different really – we’ve both been successful in driving wages down, for instance, only I did it on purpose!
HC: You Australians are so laid-back with your “pop another shrimp on the barbie” and “tie me kangaroo down.”
JK: Nah yeah, we’re actually Warner Brothers-New Zealand.
“Gone by barbeque time”.
Doofus? Me? Why would your briefing papers say that?
Clinton: when I was pregnant with Chelsea I was way out here.
Key: were you really? I hardly showed for both my kids.
“I guess it’s swings and roudabouts Hillary – an earthquake in Christchurch and a landslide in Auckland”.
HC: Nice smile. You remind me of Bill.
JK: As if! He only screwed one intern, Mrs President. I’m rooting a whole country!
“No, the red flowers aren’t my idea of a joke. They were supplied by the Chinese Trade Counselor and I don’t think either of us are really in a position to turn them down”.
Good to know that our glorious leader has already got himself an international reputation as “gaffe-prone”. He’s put New Zealand on the map!
The Guardian today:
For Hillary Clinton, questions about her presidential ambitions followed her all the way to New Zealand, where she curtly ruled out running in 2012 or 2016 after being questioned by journalists during her visit there.
But it didn’t seem to make any difference to New Zealand’s gaffe-prone prime minister John Key, who described her as “President Clinton” while thanking her at a joint press conference in Wellington yesterday.
(Link provided, but it’s a live blog, may need a lot of scrolling)
He needs to hold off on the bourbon. Like seriously, even the 12yo Wild Turkey is out of bounds.
Do you have a free press in New Zealand, John?
Hell, no, Hillz, they cost me a bottle of wine each!
I should get my hands dirty ? Do you really think so ?
All of these are rich comedy gold! 😀
JK: Why are my hands like this? Oh, that would be from the many months I was holed up in a closet in ’81 with only ‘Hustler’ for company because I couldn’t bear to make a decision. To this day I blame my pallor on having to hide out but I did perfect my shifty, nonce look.
John shows Hillary how he’s going to help in a practical way with the new cycleway by being a bike rack.
“Do you think Bill could fix me up with Monica? Bronagh’s not much interested since the Hobbit crack.”
I always stand with my hands like this because in this job you have to wave at a moments notice, its extra super hard when I have to multitask by smiling at the same time. But yeah no…I’m still pretty relaxed about it.
If you really can’t stand still like a big boy then try clasping your hands together like this. Now say after me…Tow-may-tow, now Nucle-ah. We’ll have you Kiwis singing like choir boys from our song sheet yet.
JK: oh wow – I get to have a photo-op with the president! Watch me celebrate with a robot dance!
HC: hmmm – so you’re the reason the founding fathers went with an electoral college…
Maybe it was on purpose, to gain extra pubicity? Key just isn’t that dumb.
I see, a deliberate ploy to make Hilary misunderestimate him.
Tanz, he has said he wants to lead a Labour government, that he lives in Japan, that Clinton is President – and that’s just the examples r0b has quoted!
You think he’s not dumb enough to mis-speak? You ought to listen to him more closely. Most of what he says is grammatical nonsense. Check out this quote of Key’s on the Korea FTA, from Eddie’s post:
“We really didn’t have a deal and now I think we’ve got some fresh legs on that debate now and we’ve got a plan to go forward,”
Now, I can’t for the life of me work out what he is actually saying other than the obvious: there isn’t a deal yet and they want one. It’s just information-free gibberish.
If you really listen to his replies to questions that’s how he typically speaks. Say an interviewer says ‘do you support x or not?’ he’ll reply ‘well if we take a step back there is clearly this thing called x and it is something we will have to consider, we’re committed to moving forward, and x may be part of that framework’
and gain extra publicity for what precisely? That he can’t go two weeks without putting his foot in his mouth?
or perhaps you would care to tell us the substantive results of his talks with Clinton and how him calling her President assists in giving them publicity
But the MSM don’t care, and it has garnered him extra attention, and all with a light laugh. He’s gotten away with it, I guess he is allowed to make mistakes.
oh, so what you mean by ‘gain extra publicity’ is ‘got himself in the oddspots of the foreign media again’?
If that’s you’re measure of a successful politician, you would presumably applaud him if he got a dog do this – http://au.eurosport.com/rugby-league/monaghan-remorse-over-dog_sto2530740/story.shtml
Talk about making an impression, the wrong impression.
JK: so…yeah, like, I always was a fan of the Fonz. Check this out…Heeeyyyyyyyy! Ya reckon you could get me a meet up with the Fonz?
HC: erm…uh…Wellington is such a lovely small capital…
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