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Key the Diplomat

Written By: - Date published: 9:14 am, November 3rd, 2012 - 171 comments
Categories: john key, tourism - Tags:

Look at this: Britain’s largest selling daily newspaper The Sun (daily readership 7.6 million), has this story about Britain’s favourite sportsperson as their lead:

Becks is as thick as bats*** says New Zealand’s PM

So our PM and Minister of Tourism is presumably trying to put as many British people off us as possible?

I like the Herald’s version:

Later Mr Key played a round of golf with former All Black captain Sir Brian Lochore, former All Black player and coach Laurie Mains and former Otago rugby player Brett McCormack.

(busy day, slagging off other countries’ favourite people and playing a round of golf)

Also like that The Sun has:

The office of David Key refused to comment also

Key’s not important enough to even get his name right…

171 comments on “Key the Diplomat”

  1. Tom Gould 1

    According to right wing ideology, Key used his talents and wits to accumulate $50m which makes him prefect to lead the country. So having used his talents and wits to accumulate $300m, Becks should be President, right?

    • Treetop 1.1

      Yes how do you measure success?

      Not sure if Beckham has a knighthood but I reckon he would get one before Key and that Beckham’s one would be deserved and Key’s one would be done as a favour for a past favour.

    • Chalupa Batman 1.2

      I guess Key had to go to Uni and then work his way up the corporation ladder to achieve what he has whereas Beckham was lucky enough to be born with superior hand-eye co-ordination and (probably) an abundance of fast-twitch muscle fibers without which he would unlikely be where he is (not saying he hasn’t had to work and damn hard) but Beckham would not be the first person you’d think of wanting in your pub quiz team

      • Treetop 1.2.1

        Regarding the pub quiz team, I would not want Key in my team to answer political questions as he does not remember much of anything. I would want Beckham in my pub quiz team to answer sporting questions.

        • Chalupa Batman 1.2.1.1

          Fashion questions maybe…he doesn’t strike me as a student of the game

        • felix 1.2.1.2

          Yep, Key would struggle in a pub quiz.

          He wouldn’t be allowed to change his answers later and he wouldn’t have the referee providing him with the answers to the tricky questions either.

          • Chalupa Batman 1.2.1.2.1

            Burn…

          • Treetop 1.2.1.2.2

            Lol. May be Key would find a way to cheat. We are all good at something.

            • Logie97 1.2.1.2.2.1

              Seems the Key supporters here have missed the point completely and want to discuss David Beckham. It does not matter one iota who the personality that Key maligned.

              Key’s lack of judgement and class is there now for all the world to see.
              Such utterances are far from Prime Ministerial. He is simply displaying his playground level of competence on social issues. The man is a buffoon.
              And it goes with the many instances of when he is economical with the truth – those instances are now well documented.

              When is someone from within the National Party going to redress this – oh for a Shire Tory to gain the rains back from the Nouveau Riche who have captured the party?

              • seeker

                “Key’s lack of judgement and class is there now for all the world to see.
                Such utterances are far from Prime Ministerial.”

                My thoughts exactly. And fancy him uttering such comments to school boys – glad my son wasn’t there. He has been brought up to expect better behaviour from proper leaders and I wouldn’t want him confused by a ‘trash talking’ idiot like Con Key, who is an irritating, low standard, menace posing as a leader, unfortunately for
                New Zealand.

                The other thing I thought today on reading this story was pot and kettle, or, it takes one to know one- and Key’s inappropriate utterances to school kids sure bears this out and definitely gives Key the ‘Batty Man’ trophy (troatie) for excreting his own special brand of guano.

              • Key’s lack of judgement and class is there now for all the world to see.
                Such utterances are far from Prime Ministerial. He is simply displaying his playground level of competence on social issues. The man is a buffoon.
                And it goes with the many instances of when he is economical with the truth – those instances are now well documented.

                +1

                It must be deformation, not so much for what he said but because of who said it?
                A PM can’t slag someone off, who lets face it is innocent of any bad intent to Key or his son?

      • fatty 1.2.2

        Bullshit… His genetics have little to do with it, he is not a fast player with quick feet, he has always been slow, he wouldn’t have an abundance of fast-twitch muscle fibres, and I doubt his hand-eye coordination is any better than many thousands of players in the UK. He is a dead ball specialist, that takes practice, not an inborn talent. Most professional players have better genetic material than him

        • Te Reo Putake 1.2.2.1

          Au contraire, fatty. Becks has always been quick, which is why he played on the wing for Man U all those years. His dead ball expertise came much later and was mainly a feature for his latter day England appearences and occasionally for the Galaxy.

          What he is known for actually are his crosses from the wing, which feature an exaggerated curve away from goal and back toward his teams’ strikers. That’s where ‘bend it like Beckham’ comes from, not free kicks. And his delivery from out wide was why Fergusson wouldn’t let him play a central midfield role and was part of the reason for his departure from MUFC

          He was also a child prodigy, attending many age group coaching clinics, including at United and Barcelona, before being signed at Spurs as a teenager. That suggests he had both the genetic makeup and the capacity to train hard and learn well.

          • fatty 1.2.2.1.1

            “Au contraire, fatty. Becks has always been quick, which is why he played on the wing for Man U all those years. His dead ball expertise came much later and was mainly a feature for his latter day England appearences and occasionally for the Galaxy.”

            I’ve thought Beckham has always been regarded as a slow winger, you’re the first person I’ve come across that claims he’s quick. There are slow wingers. Mata for Chelsea and Ramsey for Arsenal are probably the two slowest players in their squads at the mo, but they have both been playing on the wing – for teams which move the ball fast. You are right that he has always been on the wing for his crosses, but Fergusson got rid of him because he married a Spice Girl and was primarily a celebrity.
            Being able to cross the ball takes a lot of training, especially for someone like Beckham who doesn’t have the natural speed of many other wingers. He didn’t take free kicks at united because of other players such as Cantona. Beckham was taking free-kicks for England by 1998

            “He was also a child prodigy, attending many age group coaching clinics, including at United and Barcelona, before being signed at Spurs as a teenager. That suggests he had both the genetic makeup and the capacity to train hard and learn well.”

            Nah, he’s only looked back as a prodigy…most players get signed up at that age for clubs. He was part of a young group that created history for United, others were talked up just as much at the time including average players such as Nicky Butt and Paul Nevile. Beckham had no more genetic material to work with than those players. Roonpig and Walcott had more hype around them at age 16.
            Beckham’s most valuable genetic traits are his good looks…his lack of fast-twitch fibers was a barrier he overcame. He was also lucky he comes from England where they hoof it forward and chase…he’s never had the skill, technique or speed of the greats from other countries…but he trained hard and became able to put it on a dime.
            This was a cheap shot by Key on a person that has been a pretty good rolemodel.

            • Te Reo Putake 1.2.2.1.1.1

              Nice analysis, fatty, you’ve got a good understanding of the game. There is no question that Becks isn’t the quickest, then or now, but you did suggest he was slow, which I still think underestimates him. Even in his late thirties he’s competitive against pretty young opposition in the USA SoccerBall! (TM) World Series.*
               
              I’d say David Beckham has earned his coin honestly and, at times, cleverly. Not so sure about whether the same could be said for Key.
               
               
              *may not be the actual name of the competition.
               
               

              • fatty

                Nah…I’ve got a football addiction and and a strong opinion…if my analysis of football was better, then my fantasy football team wouldn’t be such a disaster.
                I used to hate Becks, but now I quite like him…like you say he’s had a long career, and he manages to keep up within the USA competition (which is a better competition than many people give it credit for). He does this even though he spends a lot of time coaching kids and setting up training camps for them. He uses his fame in a positive manner…and Beckham has had a microphone in his face for years – we’d all have records of illogical sentences if everything we said was reported.
                John Key should give Beckham credit for winning a lot of troaties

                • tc

                  Fatty an excellent summary. Great dead ball specialist and passer of the ball, awesome fitness but neither had pace nor an ability to tackle which Roy Keane/Butt mostly did anyway.

                  Benefitted from having superb management personally and as a footballer with Ferguson then capello at real Madrid. Made every post a winner so credit where it’s due as he’s won titles in England, Spain and the US.

                  Key shows his lack of class and general stupidity dissing someone hes probably envious of.

  2. Colonial Viper 2

    Plenty of New Zealanders are going to get bottled and spat on this weekend. Thanks Prime Minister Key.

    • Redbaron77 2.1

      The Sun currently has it as the lead on its website. Hopefully the story dies a quick death and does not build up into a “useful” distraction from the Saville scandal which has dominated UK media for a good fortnight. Looking at the comments in The Sun the invective is being directly cast towards the PM rather than NZ’ers in general (touch wood). Nonetheless JK is not a novice and New Zealanders have been poorly served by his loose-lipped comments.

    • PlanetOrphan 2.2

      Trying to encourage repatriation ya reckon?
      Scare them back home with bigotry and ridicule.
      That’ll work M8!

  3. marsman 3

    John Key should know about being thick as batshit, half his cabinet are and Key is not the brightest button in the box either.

  4. ianmac 4

    As a child was heard to remark,”Takes one to know one!” :)

  5. ak 5

    Cringe. Wee Johnny Dubya strikes again.

    Could some kind patriot please send the Sun a compilation of Keyisms in the hope that any further reputational harm is isolated to this clown alone?

    • Rodel 5.1

      Please also tell them that Key isn’t representative of New Zealanders and doesn’t represent us either.He’s just a pretending PM until we get a real one.

  6. PlanetOrphan 6

    Just Imagine “John Hollywood Sparkles” playing football ……

    They ban maggots like you these days Johny Boy!

    Johny sitting onfield clutching his shin in agony….
    Ref yelling from the side line, “The Game hasn’t started yet fool!”

  7. Chalupa Batman 7

    You are sad little people

    • Colonial Viper 7.1

      “Batshit thick” is going to be on all National’s 2014 election hoardings.

    • thatguynz 7.2

      How does the saying go? “There are none so blind as those that can not see”.. Perhaps you should question why you support your corrupt Dear Leader before you worry about pointing the finger at others..

      • Chalupa Batman 7.2.1

        “There are none so blind as those that can not see”
        - Oh gosh thats a killer blow because that obviously only works one way. It could never be leveled at anyone else. Muppet.

        • thatguynz 7.2.1.1

          Sigh… That’s the best you could do? And you call ME a muppet. lol

          If you want to get into a battle of wits you’re going to have to do better than coming half equipped.

          • Chalupa Batman 7.2.1.1.1

            Being that you think “There are none so blind as those that can not see” is somehow the ultimate burn suggests you are unoriginal and therefore boring.

            I’ll just wait to see how long it takes for you to say I’m a Nazi or something similar…

            • PlanetOrphan 7.2.1.1.1.1

              When a Blind man cries, he feels it from his soul …..

            • thatguynz 7.2.1.1.1.2

              More bluster. Well done, you are on a roll! “Ultimate burn”? Good lord, how old are you?

              I suggest you go back and re-read the original statement I made. Coming to a left leaning blog with nothing but shallow rhetoric makes you nothing more than a troll. If you would prefer to substantiate and debate as opposed to your poor attempts to belittle then perhaps you may have more success..

              • Chalupa Batman

                How does the saying go? “There are none so blind as those that can not see”.. Perhaps you should question why you support your corrupt Dear Leader before you worry about pointing the finger at others..

                - See I read the comment and decided that it had nothing to do with the thread itself. This is about about John Key pointing out Beckham is as thick as batshit and the resulting bad publicity.

                Nothing to do with corruption whatsoever but if you’re wondering why I support him in this particular matter its because from the comments he makes in the media Beckham does indeed sound as think as batshit

                If you mean supporting John Key in general then you might want to read this comment:

                In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as a forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

                You are a troll because this thread is not about whether John Key is corrupt (off topic) or you are a troll because you are trying to provoke an emotional response from me

                You Sir are a troll and so I expect you to show some respect for this thread (and the authors) and refrain from posting.

                [Bunji: okay, let's stop the flame war... it only results in lots of work for site moderators...]

                • thatguynz

                  Umm… “You are sad little people” at comment 7. Enough said.

                  As Bunji has suggested I’ll leave it here – you pretty much made my argument for me.

    • @Chalupa Batman

      What is with the “you are sad little people” bit?

      Are you aware you are talking to all the voices in your head on a public website?

  8. BM 8

    Some Beckhisms.

    “”Alex Ferguson is the best manager I’ve ever had at this level. Well, he’s the only manager I’ve actually had at this level. But he’s the best manager I’ve ever had.” David Beckham

    “My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about seven.” David Beckham

    “I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.” David Beckham

    “That was in the past – we’re in the future now.” David Beckham”

    “Their homework is so hard these days. It’s totally done
    differently to what I was teached when I was at school, and you
    know, I was like, Oh my God, I can’t do this.” David Beckham”

    • PlanetOrphan 8.1

      You should challenge that Beckham to a a game of Ruggers M8!

      Might be the first game you’ve won in your life BM :twisted:

      Would ya believe I understood every word Beckham was trying to say, and he is a nice guy.

      Obviously why people like u bag him I guess, easy mark(s) n all …..

      • BM 8.1.1

        The guys isn’t the sharpest knife in the block, there’s no denying that.
        But he’s a very successful footballer and has done very well, personally I’m a bit surprised John Key made this comment.
        He’s in the heart of socialist NZ and must realise that he can’t speak off the record as certain people will run to the press with any comment that can be used against himself and National.

        • Chalupa Batman 8.1.1.1

          Thats true but do you think these comments will hurt him or endear him to more NZers. I think it’ll help and the more publicity it gets the btter.

          I’m guessing the traditional working-class man in NZ probably agrees with him and doesn’t see the problem.

          • BM 8.1.1.1.1

            I’m picking that Labour will try to use it against JK to score points and once again, in their usual ham fisted way, have it back fire on themselves with JK coming out the winner.

          • felix 8.1.1.1.2

            Yep Chalupa. This is just Key doing his “permanent campaigning” bit for the home crowd.

            He doesn’t give a flying fruitbowl about diplomacy, which he should, as it’s quite an important part of the PM’s job. But we all know how seriously he takes the PM job, don’t we?

            He also doesn’t give one about offending the poms, but they’re all well aware of Beckham’s “environmentally sustainable use of the power of thought” anyway and probably wouldn’t argue the point.

            Nah, what he cares about being the man in the eyes of kiwi dickheads. He is, after all, an entertainer first and foremost.

            • Chalupa Batman 8.1.1.1.2.1

              Well as every political party knows the ends justifies the means I guess or is it just playing to your strengths?

              • PlanetOrphan

                Justification of his own Guilty conscience and by transference those of his followers M8!.
                Simple “child” psychology applied to the masses M8!
                PlanetKey Featuring DunnoKeyo the talking ass.

                • Chalupa Batman

                  True but every party does it (not that it makes it ok)

                  • PlanetOrphan

                    If they all stopped playing politics ….

                    I don’t think “Guilt” is a driver for all the opposition parties, but in Labours’ case it’s hard too ascertain what is driving them.

              • felix

                “the ends justifies the means “

                That depends entirely on what the ends are. And the means.

                I don’t think it really applies to Key.

        • PlanetOrphan 8.1.1.2

          Well he knows there’s nothing good to say so negative publicity is the only publicity ……

          • Chalupa Batman 8.1.1.2.1

            Um I don’t think he was saying it for publicity, Key seems to be at least one or two percent points ahead of his nearest rival…

            • PlanetOrphan 8.1.1.2.1.1

              U underestimate them, as others have said the “trick” is to repeat it ad infinitum
              It’s a fallacy, but too them it’s the conservative justification of action(s).
              Observational sciences run amok M8!

            • felix 8.1.1.2.1.2

              You misunderstand the game, Chalupa. Key doesn’t.

              • Chalupa Batman

                Thats more than likely correct, Keys pretty smart

                • felix

                  I never suggested he was smart, just that he’s smarter than you.

                  And really, that’s all he needs to be.

                  • Chalupa Batman

                    In all seriousness if you look at his education and career and how good he is at being popular (as a politician) one would have to (grudgingly) accept he would be above average intelligence,

                    Wis: 12
                    Int: 15
                    Char: 16

                    • Jackal

                      And yet if we judge David Beckham by the same criteria we find that he’s at least three times as successful as John Key. If success truly does relate to intelligence, and Key thinks Beckham is “thick as batshit”, that would indicate that Key is even thicker than batshit… Likely the reason he made the statement in the first place.

                    • felix

                      Chaotic Evil. Also your Wis score is waaaay too high.

                    • PlanetOrphan

                      Court Jester skill: 100

    • mike e 8.2

      Bm he would make a good leader of the national party

    • Fisiani 8.3

      People here are always asking John Key to be truthful. Surely everyone agrees that his joke was accurate? Get a life folks! I fully expect this comment to be used by Labour in question time next week as they try yet again to score a hit. They never seem to learn. Key can swat that back with consumate ease. He made the comment at a school in Dunedin and the media making a storm in a D-cup plays his words to a wider audience. Waitakere voters lap it up just as they lapped up his swigging a cool beer whilst cooking a barbie with Prince William. You really dont get it. This is actually PR gold for John Key. The faux outrage is hysterical.

      • Te Reo Putake 8.3.1

        Er, Beckham isn’t thick, he’s just not educated. Spent his schooldays kicking a football instead of swotting. And, just out of curiosity, how thick is batshit? Isn’t the fact that the PM mangled his insult an indicator that it’s Dunnokeyo that is the thickie, not Beckham?

      • gobsmacked 8.3.2

        Shorter Fisiani:

        “Whatever John Key says is awesome!!1!1″

        Next: “Key says Valerie Adams is a fat Poly slag …” More PR Gold! Waitakere voters!

        Anything, ever – “I LOve YOu JoHn …”

        • Fisiani 8.3.2.1

          Gobsmacking hyperbole simply proves my point. Please keep it up. Your insults of the most popular PM in history with a proven track record of the best turnaround in NZ’s future economic prospects need to be better than that!

          • gnomic 8.3.2.1.1

            Haha. Ha. This is some sort of ultra-satire attempt right? From way beyond the fringe. If not, you need help, but I’m not sure you can be fixed.

      • Jilly Bee 8.3.3

        Fisiani – this Waitakere voter DIDN’T lap it up at all and I’m of an age where I would prefer the PM of NZ didn’t use that sort of language to college age students. It’s not setting a good example.

        • Fisiani 8.3.3.1

          Are you seriously saying that the word shit is the end of the world. Methinks thou dost need to get a real life. Seriously though I wish you well.

          • North 8.3.3.1.1

            You Fish are apologising for Dunnokeyo making himself look like an utter (ungrateful and gossiping) tit. Clap your hands if you like but it doesn’t alter the fact…..a tit. Behaviour unworthy of a PM. Little by little he shits more and more in his own bat nest so don’t be so sure about “the most popular PM ever….”

    • Anne 8.4

      Who supplied you with that list BM? Cameron Slater? Or did it come direct from National HQ?

  9. ianmac 9

    On Christening, I thought he just meant that they had to decide on C of E or Presbyterian or..
    Parents being there for him since he started showing soccer skills.
    Being in the future now seems reasonable. (There is no NOW. Only PAST or FUTURE.)
    He had managers at previous levels but Alex was the pick of them all even though the only one at top level.

    Sportsmen are prone to making innocuous but safe statements to the press. Surely they are not intimidated by having fair comments ridiculed and twisted as David has had done. Anyone would think that Mr Key for example has never put a word wrong. Hmmm?

  10. Chalupa Batman 10

    and you wonder why, in spite of how National is doing in the polls, John Key is still so popular.

    This comment will only make him more popular because:
    a. He wasn’t saying it to appeal to NZers as a whole
    b. It wasn’t scripted
    c. Most NZers either don’t care or agree with him anyway

    • Colonial Viper 10.1

      you forgot to add

      d. Every other irrelevant, assumption filled reason I could think of.

      • Chalupa Batman 10.1.1

        You’re probably right, I mean how much more popular could he possibly be?

        • felix 10.1.1.1

          You’re not quite correct about it not being scripted. Sure, the words weren’t written for him, but the storyboard has been revised. Key has internal polling (and his political gut) telling him he’s losing the dickhead vote, and fast.

          Dickheads are happy to vote for a dickhead when things are going well for them, but they’ve seen Key caught out in a few too many lies lately. And that’s tolerable to a point, but only in the good times. If they don’t start getting more work and security, better pay, and a generally less fucked country soon then they’ll turn away in droves*.

          Trouble is Key can’t provide any of that, so expect to see a lot more full-on dickhead behaviour from him in coming weeks and months. It’s quite literally the only trick he has left.

          *Or even worse, turn on him. And Key knows that a while a happy dickhead might be good company, a bitter, angry, cornered dickhead is another thing altogether.

    • framu 10.2

      ” or agree with him anyway”

      that whole “hes just saying what we are all thinking” line again right? – give me a break, thats weak

      im not going to assume to know what all NZers think. But im far from impressed that the leader of our govt thinks its A-OK to just slag someone, anyone off for no reason.

      It might be OK round the BBQ, depending on whos present – but theres a difference between pub talk and public talk – Key doesnt seem to know the difference (hell he barely seems to know hes the PM most of the time) – and neither do you it seems

      Ask yourself, if you were a senior public figure, and journos, bloggers or anyone other than close personal friends was in the room – would you so willingly drop your pants and put your foot in your mouth?

      • Chalupa Batman 10.2.1

        I wouldn’t but then I’m not the Prime Minister + the phrase mountain out of a mole hill springs to mind

        • framu 10.2.1.1

          so you wouldnt personally if you were PM (im guessing you know that its not a good look?) but you’ll defend Key to the hilt?

          Thats kinda weird behaviour

          whos making a mountain? – no one it seems

          or are we not allowed to comment now? is any thing that doesnt gel with your world view somehow a big deal?

          • Chalupa Batman 10.2.1.1.1

            so you wouldnt personally if you were PM (im guessing you know that its not a good look?) but you’ll defend Key to the hilt?

            - Yes its a bad look (to me) but then a lot of what politicians do is things I wouldn’t consider doing, like how MPs use parliamentary privilege to lie and slag off others

            whos making a mountain? – no one it seems

            - This whole is based around saying Beckhams thick. Thats all.

            or are we not allowed to comment now? is any thing that doesnt gel with your world view somehow a big deal?

            - My comment was this is a mountain out of a molehill, not saying it shouldn’t be commented on but just letting people know its really nothing

            • framu 10.2.1.1.1.1

              OK everyone – lets drop this – CB has let us know that its nothing really, just a bit of a joke really, so please dont talk about it – that would be elevating the issue from a discussion to something of national importance. So can we all not expect appropriate behaviour from the PM? after all other politicians say dumb stuff too.

              I still think your defense of Key on this is strange CB – “I wouldnt do it – but others do so i will defend it”

      • felix 10.2.2

        “It might be OK round the BBQ”

        Key is always around the BBQ from now on.

      • Treetop 10.2.3

        framu, Key’s defence is, it was a private conversation and next he will claim media intrusion just like with the teapot tape.

        • framu 10.2.3.1

          Yeah i would put my money on that too – Doesnt change the fact that he is the PM and as such should treat virtually everything said outside the confines of a closed room as “possibly public”
          Especially if he thinks hes just having a laugh

          – i mean ive got some off colour humour and pretty colourfull vocabulary – dont bring it to work, dont even bring to the carpark outside work

  11. Jackal 11

    The Mirror (daily circulation over 1 million) has a more critical article about Key’s comment:

    Mr Key, a father of two who has British heritage, was elected in November 2008.

    A former foreign exchange dealer, he has come under fire for several gaffes.

    In 2010 he was criticised for joking about being eaten by members of New Zealand’s Maori population.

    His office declined to comment on the Beckham claims.

    It would have been interesting if they had listed all his gaffes so to speak… But I guess that would have taken up an entire page if not more.

  12. ak 12

    Chalupa’s right. This is a disaster for Labour.

    Any minute now, headline in Truth: Celeb Couple Malljane: “SHOW US THE SUN, MR SHEARER”

  13. Just Julie 13

    This so-called “Leader” is neither a Statesman nor a Patriot, and has long since given up any attempt to behave in a Prime Ministerial fashion. He was always more style over substance, but now even the former is sadly lacking.

  14. ak 14

    BEX BEMUSED BY BATSHIT KEY-WEASE

  15. gobsmacked 15

    Key’s desperate defenders (both of them) can’t have it both ways.

    When he went on Letterman, some of us cringed, but the justification was … “Worth millions! Great marketing! Minister of Tourism puts NZ on the map!” etc.

    If that was true, then so is this. “Minister of Tourism insults a nation’s favourite son in major market, loses millions”.

    New Zealand has a good reputation in the UK. Partly because nobody over there has ever heard the wit and wisdom of our Prime Minister. Now they have. He’s reached far more people than Letterman, so how many jobs has that cost?

    Please feel free to admit what we all knew, but only some of us said – that the Letterman stunt was all about selling John Key to voters, not selling the country overseas.

  16. Not too mention a lack of manners. Beckham spent 45 minutes with John Key’s son and this is how Key thanks him. How many kids would have giving their eye teeth to be in Beckham’s company for 45 minutes? Key needs to apologise.

    • fatty 16.1

      Yes, Its a dig at someone who shouldn’t have to put up with that. I’m no fan of Beckham, mostly because I am anyone but United. But as a person he’s done a lot of good things…John Key being an arsehole again.
      The difference between Beckham and Key is that Golden-Balls uses his talent to help & inspire children, whereas DonKey-Balls uses his talent to force more Kiwi children into poverty

      • seeker 16.1.1

        @fatty

        “The difference between Beckham and Key is that Golden-Balls uses his talent to help & inspire children, whereas DonKey-Balls uses his talent to force more Kiwi children into poverty ”

        Good comment, but so sad that it is all too true. However I couldn’t help chuckling at your comparison of nicknames, especially as I have been thinking of Don Key as Con Key for a while now, and couldn’t work out which name suited him better as regards the use of the word ‘balls’ when describing the ever shrinking pm.

    • Murray Olsen 16.2

      It does demonstrate a huge lack of respect, but if it leads to other celebrities ignoring Key’s obnoxious brats, great. BTW, it occurs to me to wonder if this 45 minute story is even actually true. Were they on the same plane on a 45 minute flight, for example? I imagine Beckham doesn’t have a lot of free time anyway, so why would Key’s brat get 45 minutes of it?

    • prism 16.3

      After Key’s son got special treatment from a man who has earned his money with physical skill and financial intelligence, then the question has to be asked ‘Who is the batwit?” What a lack of social training and control from our Prime Minister. Another low point for NZ from the RWNJ side that is so fond of bringing the image of our becoming a future banana republic to the fore, ignoring the fact that they are pushing us there.

  17. Tony P 17

    While most of the chatter focuses on Key’s comments I’m a little pissed off about who it was said to. A group of school children FFS. As a teacher I would never use this language when speaking to them and would be censured if I did. Totally inappropriate.

    • The inappropriateness for the audience goes without saying.

      Not to mention he’s Minister of Tourism slating a high profile international public figure. Pure NZ – you bring ‘em, we’ll bag ‘em!

    • @ Tony P

      Yes, good point.
      The comment is entirely inappropriate and an entirely disrespectful thing to say on so many levels that the list is probably fairly well endless.

      • dan1 17.2.1

        Namedropping has been a part of Key’s modus operandi for years. I would understand Key giving such insightful revelations to his local golf club or to some half tanked Rotary meeting, but to give it to schoolgirls at a private school, and then to tweet that “I have been to St Hildas today!” speaks volumes for the guy’s mindset.
        We have got to get rid of this moron.

  18. fender 18

    These are the ramblings of a sleaze. RNZ reported his comments were made at an all girls school. He’s clearly fishing for school girl crushes on himself.

    Key is a fool and unfit to be PM. He should be sacked and taken to the cleaners in court by Beckham.

  19. Chris 19

    If key used language like that on a school visit then he should be censured. Did he think that the young girls would be impressed. I should think that they would have more intelligence that that.He is just such a cringeworthy little moronic oick,it beggars belief that he is our “most popular(snigger)pm ever.And how did David Beckham ever come to be mentioned? Did they ask him if he knew Beckham? Heavens, I do feel sorry for his kids,they must get so ashamed of him.Anyway.Becks thick as bat…t (not that I think so)worth $300 mil,key thick as pig…t (do think so) worth $50 mil and I bet that’s a lie as well..He is just SO EMBARRASSING!!! Bet he goes to ground for a while.

  20. bob 20

    I think there will be a new guy fawkes this year on british bonfires. Key is a nasty rightwing pakeha type with a nasty brand of humour. What a fucking dumb thing to say.

  21. ak 21

    Meanwhile, in a secret location deep in the heart of the Remuera badlands, the three friends confer……

    “Holy asset sales BATSHITMAN, it seems the DOTCOM fiasco has exposed our secret control of the civilian spy network and the POLICE!!!!! This could be bad, next it could be our covert ties to the MEDIA!!!!

    “Ha! ~ Fear not, DOBBIN, the Forces of Progression have been thwarted for two millenia by the BATSHIT dynasty and the NACTZI ALLLIANCE!!!! While there remains anywhere, anytime, the poor and weak, the feeble and defensless, the despised or the mocked, BATSHITMAN AWAITS! ALFRED – prepare the BASHMOBILE!”

    Who will get the bash this time? Find out in the next action-packed episode of BATSHITMAN and the FARCES OF WEEVIL

  22. I guess the easiest response to yet another example of the endless puerile and disrespectful utterances from our PMs cake-hole is:

    Yeah, well he would know about being as thick as bat-shit, wouldn’t he? Being that it takes one to know one and all….

  23. Blue 23

    Ha, this is classic. Key casts aspersions on Beckham’s intelligence whilst garbling the insult so badly he turned ‘thick as pigshit’ and ‘batshit crazy’ into his own special brand of nonsense.

    He’s so desperate to impress by name-dropping all the big celebrities he’s met that he just can’t resist the chance to show off – ‘I met David Beckham OMG!!!’

    What a guy. Swearing in front of schoolkids, dumping on a guy who was nothing but nice to him and his son, causing international headlines with his complete lack of diplomatic skill and displaying his own less than stellar grasp of the English language to boot.

    I would love to be a fly on the wall if he ever meets David Beckham again.

  24. Prodigal Son 24

    So, despite this, how come Key is still way more popular than Clark was?

    • fender 24.1

      Yes you are quite correct to point out we have a “thick as batshit” problem with voters who fail to see the real Key. But his hidden side is being exposed now his motor mouth keeps trying to enlighten everybody into seeing his true nature.

      • blue leopard 24.1.1

        The popularity Mr Key apparently continues to enjoy (if the polls are to be considered accurate), might be less indicative of NZers being as thick as batshit and more indicative of the powerful effects that spin has on people who are trusting.

        Although, yes, it really does feel like people here are as thick as batshit to be still indicating they approve of this Government after all that is going on… Tired and frustrated sigh

        • Captain Nemo 24.1.1.1

          I think if there were a credible. cohesive and non-loopy alternatve then things might change, but until then, just like the latter days of Clark, the status quo will continue – until the middle ground hate the incumbent so much (as happened for Clark) that they will take any other option.

        • KJT 24.1.1.2

          But they do not know what is going on.

          We will be waiting a long time if we expect anything from the media but National propaganda.

    • fender 24.2

      Or there are folks who want a Paul Henry clone as PM?

  25. Logie97 25

    Just another example of his lack of nouse.
    Remember the interview with Paul Henry about the Governor General.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqAEvkNtJ6A

    Prime Ministerial behaviour – Nah.

  26. bob 26

    English people are gonna hate this. Beckham isn’t the shy 20something to them anymore , he’s quite rightly, one of their greatest footballers and they will see the slight as an attack on their own, what is it with the National party and slagging off other nations when it suits.

    • fender 26.1

      National has always attracted two-faced, racist, bigoted, narcissistic psycopaths.

      • North 26.1.1

        Right on with the “narcissistic” characterisation Fender !

        Who wouldn’t be with the smarming, giggling, flibbertigibbet Heki Pirau Parata (Trish Carter before she became Maori) giving you sweetie eyes across the Cabinet table…….?

        Dunnokeyo’s performance as PM is getting positively Monty Pythonesque.

    • tc 26.2

      And a key figure in securing the Olympics so for someone in public life to say such a thing about anyone, let alone Beckham shows what a twat Sideshow John is.

      The UK press will not rollover like his mates holmesy, garner and gluon do here. This foot will stay in the mouth awhile as the Brit media will enjoy this and maybe show our MSM what a hatchet job really looks like.

  27. infused 27

    Who really gives a shit.

    • fender 27.1

      Not you until the day he declares “that infused idiot is thick as pigshit, batshit crazy”

      Others want a more civilised person to represent their country.

      John Key/Bush/Romney types should never get to lead a nation if their nation wants to be taken seriously and gain respect. It’s a failure of the National Party to let this fool lead their party.

      Isn’t Prince Charles about to visit? I’d like to see him make an issue about this and refuse to meet with the PM but he will meet with the deputy in the hope that he has more decorum.

      • Anne 27.1.1

        Isn’t Prince Charles about to visit?

        Thanks for the reminder fender. It makes it even more deliciously humorous. Key was expecting the usual political kudos out of the visit as he waltzed around the country with them. The British media pack accompanying Charles and Camilla will be feasting on Key instead. Isn’t Beckham a personal friend of some members of the Royal Family? He and Posh were guests at William and Kate’s wedding.

        • fender 27.1.1.1

          The crass Key was also a guest at the wedding (he was probably the one farting and belching at the dinner table) but hopefully he’s been scratched for any future celebrations.

        • Chris 27.1.1.2

          Oh fantastic!! I cannot wait to see what sort of little witticisms he comes up with.”Camilla(or Cam), looking lovely today, gosh your mane is looking lovely and shiny, what horse shampoo are you using on it?

    • North 27.2

      Bats maybe ? Does Judy Girl qualify ?

  28. Key = Brain Fade = Dumb and Dumber
    What an absolute Plonkey, especially when he considers his nact govt is the epitome
    of higher standards for education, just what did his remark teach the students?

  29. seeker 29

    I knew Key could attain the heady heights of becoming a British tabloid headliner! And in The Sun no less! His character, behaviour and leadership is certainly worthy of such a suitable accolade.

  30. Tanz 30

    Just the real Key coming through, now that the shine is wearing off him/.

  31. gobsmacked 31

    John Key’s name is mud.

    No it’s not, it’s David Key. Or Jeff Key. Or John Kay …

    http://www.listener.co.nz/commentary/the-internaut/keys-thick-as-batshit-beckham-comments-win-international-headlines/

    Loving this. The name-dropper’s name is … not worth knowing. Just ask President Obama, good friend of “Mr Keys”.

    He sets such store by being A Very Important Person, and in reality, he’s nobody.

  32. dan1 32

    Thick as batshit! Not exactly a New Zealandism. It indicates just how far he defers to be American!

  33. bob 33

    Beckham has an amazing capacity to deliver in very stressful situations, his football intelligence and his ability to focus are not the mental attributes of a “stupid” individual. Key just doesn’t understand a quiet east london guy like Beckham.

  34. gnomic 34

    Scowling (formerly smirking) batshit weasel man is just another member of the ‘Hone’ Carter school of National Party would-be humourists, their supposed witticisms get rave reviews from the faithful, but fall flat for everyone else. The batshit weasel isn’t actually all that bright and seemingly has next to no background in cultural and artistic matters. Could be be both a hollow and a shallow man? Anyway, all anyone needs to know about Key is that his political hero is Robert Muldoon. Somehow I don’t think that NZ’s last socialist would approve of his successor’s agenda.

  35. Brian 35

    Matters not one jot if Beckham is thick – Key is an arrogant and ungrateful arse who lacks simple civility. If this is what he thinks of successful people we can only imagine what his opinion of the average NZ voter is.

  36. Tombstone 36

    Thanks Key – just what this country needed. Fuckin’ dick!

  37. Ok, let me get this straight. One tiny newspaper in New Zealand finally breaks the news that bankers have been ripping off NZ farmers as well as everybody else with Derivatives and you are talking about what one of those bankers who got away with it has to say about a well managed but indeed an incredibly thick sportsman with a knack for kicking a ball in the right direction.

    Talk about screwed up priorities!

    • Kinda agree with you, hope that you write an article on the subject here, travellerev, I have heard of this subject on Max Keiser and its an incredibly dodgy scam, if it is the same as what has been going on in Britain.

  38. deuto 38

    The Herald’s take on it this morning – ‘Thick as bat shit’ remark gets brush-off from Beckham camp

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10844975


    David Beckham’s public relations chief has put the boot into comments made by Prime Minister John Key after he branded the football superstar “thick as bat shit”.

    “It is not worthy of comment,” Oliveira told the Herald on Sunday. …

    But a source close to Beckham claimed he barely remembers meeting Key.

    “David isn’t sure he spent much time with him at all,” the source said. “He remembers the previous leader Helen Clark a lot better.”

    A spokesman for Galaxy said the club had never heard of Key and their star player was too busy preparing for a weekend match to get involved. …

    Key yesterday tried to distance himself from his remarks as he attended a fundraising event at a Devonport bowling club in Auckland.

    “I have nothing to say,” he shrugged. “It was a personal comment and I am not going to engage in talking about something that someone thought they heard me say.”

    Brian Lloyd, bat survey officer for Forest and Bird, said Key’s remarks were “an insult to bats and to Beckham”.

    “Bats are pretty intelligent. Their droppings are rich in nitrogen and produce their own ecosystem. And they are anything but thick.”

    Max Cryer, author of popular Kiwi linguistic books, said he thought the PM had got his words mixed up and a more common expression was “boring as bat shit”.

    “He may have meant to reference pig shit, which is a far more widely used term,” Cryer said.

    “He perhaps should check what he is saying before getting it wrong and accusing other people of being thick.

    “David Beckham has made hundreds of millions of dollars from his off-field business activities and you would think John Key would be aware of that.”

    IMO, as I commented a week or so ago re Key and Dotcom, I think Key is envious/ has Tall Poppy syndrome towards anyone who is richer than him and therefore disparaging in an attempt to maintain his own top of the pops position (in his own view anyway).

    I agree wholeheartedly with the remarks above about the inappropriateness of Key making these remarks to a school audience – and the complete lack of good manners towards someone who went out of his way in spending time with Key’s son.

    • Colonial Viper 38.1

      Max Cryer, author of popular Kiwi linguistic books, said he thought the PM had got his words mixed up and a more common expression was “boring as bat shit”.

      Ahhhh…I think Cryer got it right – John Key mixed up common sayings and mangled them, while accusing someone else of not being too bright. The irony.

      • fender 38.1.1

        I thought he had mixed up “thick as pigshit” and “batshit crazy”

        Either way Key is by far the bluntest knife ever to be pulled from the PM drawer.

    • Thanks for the info Deuto,

      I had to laugh, “It is not worthy of comment” and “Beckham claimed he barely remembers meeting Key”…”He Helen Clark a lot better”

      LOL! Brilliant!

      Clearly Mr Beckham’s PR people are on the ball…am wondering if they would come and work for NZ Labour Party for a while…..?

  39. Anne 39

    “I have nothing to say,” he shrugged. “It was a personal comment and I am not going to engage in talking about something that someone thought they heard me say.”

    I nearly commented on this post last night predicting Key would say:

    It was nothing. Just a bit of a joke and I’ve been quoted out of context anyway.

    What it shows is that he is a thoroughly nasty piece of work and has been all his life. In fact, didn’t someone come forward a few years back and claim he had been bullied by Key at primary school?

    I noted Beckham remembers Helen Clark but not Key! That tells me he isn’t as thick as Key claims. :D

    • fender 39.1

      Sure was a “personal comment” or more accurately a “personal attack” on a well respected nice guy that was unprovoked and totally out of line. Perhaps he meant to say it was a “private comment”(?)

      My 12 year old son has a better understanding and command of the english language than the rusty padlock that is Key. Did Key pass S.C. english I wonder(?)

  40. deuto 40

    +1, Anne. I too expected Key to try to brush it off – and like the comment re Helen Clark.

    I also laughed at the Forest and Bird comments re Key’s remarks being an insult to bats, and bats being anything but thick!

  41. Descendant Of Smith 41

    This is a government that continually insults many of it’s own citizens, particularly those who are less well off, have been laid off from their jobs, have had husbands leave them or become struck with illness – whether physically unwell or mentally unwell.

    If they have no respect for the people they are supposed to govern then why would they have respect for anyone else.

    They also confuse governance with ruling and democracy with facism which is why we see increasingly a lack of concern and respect and consideration of minority groups and disadvantaged people and increasing numbers of laws being passed that allow unwarranted access to our homes and information, the removal of democratically elected boards, the introduction of policies that support corporates rather than small business, the pitting of one section of New Zealanders against the other and so on.

    Governance and democracy is about ensuring all citizens are considered.

    This government quite simply sucks at both those things.

  42. ak 42

    “….something that someone thought they heard me say.”

    Unbelievable. Just when we thought puerile crassness, blatant lies from the very top and this once-proud country’s reputation couldn’t possibly go any lower…. “Wasn’t me, mum! Those girls are telling fibs!”

  43. Rhinocrates 43

    Machiavelli once said, “your greatest strength is your greatest weakness” (OK, to be honest, I can’t reread The Prince to find an exact reference in time to comment) and Key’s brush-offs, and general casual style once appealed are now increasingly looking like sloppiness, which – if there was a decent major opposition party* – could be capitalised upon, but which nonetheless still seems to be seen broadly as now an indicator that Key does not have the gravitas for his job.

    The persistent refuge in uncertainty – “I might or might not have said that”, “That’s one opinion, but there are others”, “I don’t recall” could all be turned into powerful campaign tools if… um… damn, who was the leader of the opposition again?… anyway, um… ah… you know what I mean, there are some who say so, say that it could be used… people are our priority… there, did I get that right?

    There was a moment in the Reagan versus Carter debates in 1979 when Carter presented a perfectly well-reasoned and clear argument and Reagan, turning the charm up to eleven said, “There he goes.” It was utterly devastating. Key, on the other hand, isn’t Carter: he’s disingenuous, shifty, slimy, lazy and increasingly seen as such. Guess who still can’t score a hit.

    Labour couldn’t score a hit on Key because of his “charm” in 2008, but now he’s vulnerable, seen as vague and stumbling, his ministers are hated and that alleged charm now looks like smugness. Once people wanted reassurance and they thought they had it in his easiness, but now they want answers and that ease is turning into arrogant brush-offs.

    Key’s a sitting duck, a decent leader of the majority opposition party could score like Reagan with a “There he goes” quip and all that “ease” would pop like a soap bubble.

    Shearer can’t, Labour’s ABC club won’t let Cunliffe do it, but It’s good that that’s becoming so obvious to everyone now at least.

    *Yes, the Greens are doing a great job in being quick, clear and available, and Hone is really surprising in his maturity, but for some reason, the majority of the opposition seats held by… um, you know… ah… well they have been called Labour, by some… we might, ah… possibly… definitely… possibly definitely… as far as I’m concerned, maybe the Labour Party… seem to be filled with bowls of cold porridge… they could be lukewarm porridge… people are our priority…um… we’ll put people first… baby harp seals are being clubbed and that’s sad… does that make you sad? If that makes you sad… let me, ah, assure you, or I mean… possibly… instead of playing guitar, I could play a violin… would that make you sad? I mean it’s a priority… I know I won’t commit and I have no plan… but a plan, ah… well… so I don’t think that in terms of numbers there is a real opposition to porridge and we offer muesli – or possibly Weetbix… no, I didn’t say that, what I meant was… we have a priority. Um, yes, a priority. Hello? Is this switched on?

  44. Populuxe1 44

    Is this even important enough to waste breath on? Seriously? I really wish there was less trivial gloating on The Standard sometimes  - I don’t think it does any credit as far as perceptions of the left go, especially when there are so many deadly serious things to attack Key on.

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    Last month the government announced it would be spending $212 million on regional roads. Every single one of the priority projects (and eight of nine lower priority projects) is in a National-held electorate, which suggested immediately that this was pre-election...
    No Right Turn | 29-07
  • Another fluoridation whopper from Declan Waugh
    Declan Waugh is a self-proclaimed “scientist and fluoride researcher” who seems to spend all his time misrepresenting and distorting  scientific literature and health data to promote his anti-fluoride cause. Waugh has an avid following, among fellow anti-fluoride activists and propagandists. The...
    Open Parachute | 29-07
  • Whyte supremacy
    Emphatically, he says, an ACT party led by Whyte would not go to war on Treaty issues. “I’ve got no interest in Maori-bashing as a political game.” Dr Jamie Whyte back in January when he assumed leadership of ACT.  The...
    DimPost | 29-07
  • Whyte supremacy
    Emphatically, he says, an ACT party led by Whyte would not go to war on Treaty issues. “I’ve got no interest in Maori-bashing as a political game.” Dr Jamie Whyte back in January when he assumed leadership of ACT.  The...
    DimPost | 29-07
  • New Fisk
    It's not just radicalised Islamists - what about foreign fighters who flock to the other side?...
    No Right Turn | 29-07
  • How we should deal with rorting MPs
    Prosecute them for theft:Former parliamentary speaker Peter Slipper tried three times to have criminal charges thrown out of court following claims he misused his travel entitlements during several trips to some of the Canberra region's most prestigious wineries. But three...
    No Right Turn | 29-07
  • July 14 AT Board Meeting
    The Auckland Transport Board is meeting today and as usual I’ve had a look through the papers to see if there is anything interesting. Below is the collection of items or comments that caught my eye. The rest of this...
    Transport Blog | 29-07
  • Powerful and Cold-hearted
    click here to read this compelling article ...
    Closing the Gap | 29-07
  • Wilkinson and Picket Lectures in New Zealand
    Click here to get these lectures. Folks who missed the Douglas Robb lectures last month can view them here l...
    Closing the Gap | 29-07
  • The Changing Priorities Of Protest
    The Changing Face Of Protest: In marked contrast to the theologically- and ideologically-driven protest movements of the 1960s, 70s and 80s, contemporary protest, like this demonstration against the latest Israeli assault on Gaza, tends to be led by those whose stake in...
    Bowalley Road | 29-07