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Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 1:17 pm, June 9th, 2012 - 76 comments
Categories: caption contest, john key - Tags:

Before the captions, some serious analysis, because this new Nat promo photo really astounds me.I honestly don’t know what the Nats were thinking.

It might work if Key were a nationally-adored figure, a kindly uncle, who had delivered a golden age for the country (fat-arse watch symbolising prosperity) and was at the height of his popularity. But he hasn’t delivered a golden age. He’s six months past his peak and on the way down quickly. Increasingly, when we see him it’s defending the indefensible and arguing with the media.

Given that reality, it looks like some creepy dating site pic.

Key looks out of touch, saying ‘ ain’t everything grand?’, drawing the response, ‘maybe for you but not for us, and what the fuck was that about increasing class sizes?’. It’s hardly in keeping with the new ‘statesman’ iteration of Brand Key the Nats are trying to build.

Maybe his advisors are getting out of touch too.

76 comments on “Caption contest ”

  1. bbfloyd 1

    “four years and they still havn’t cottoned on to me”…… dumb bastards….

  2. He he New Zealand, you might have kept your intermediate school teachers but you are about to lose your assets …

  3. Kotahi Tane Huna 3

    “Fuck this feels uncomfortable, I’m sick to death of pretending to give a shit abut these subhumans.”

  4. dan1 4

    I’m so cool. I have seen the queen. I have given Phillip the thumbs up. I’ve got my knighthood in the bag. Stuff the teachers. My kids get a ratio of 1:16 so I’m Ok. Performance pay is for the plebs. Just as well because I might miss out. Anyway, my mates in Hawaii say the temperatures are fine. I’ll head off there as soon as poss. Dodge the media who are so stroppy at the moment. They are asking harder questions.

  5. risildo 5

    I am on the Methadone program.

  6. “You think I care what you write about me?”

  7. Jackal 7

    “You want smug… I can do smug!”

  8. fustercluck 8

    Guess where I just pulled this fist out of.

  9. PM asleep at the wheel – no one notices.

  10. ianmac 10

    “Come closer little ones. I have some lovely lollies for you.”

  11. Bob 11

    Not long now till the jobs done and I can be off home.

  12. Adders 12

    Super-Sized Numbers Man pulls some more from out of his arse.

  13. Sookie 13

    Pervy PM has good night in Calendar Girls avidly watching poverty stricken students work the pole.

  14. The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human… sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot.

    ht kyle reese

    • They say it got smart, a new order of intelligence. Then it saw all people as a threat, not just the ones on the other side. Decided our fate in a microsecond: extermination.

  15. quartz 15

    Anyone know what kind of watch that is? It looks like it’s worth at least three months worth of gross minimum wage.

    • Anne 15.1

      Rolex I expect. That’s the hall-mark of the upwardly mobile. They don’t own “watches” like the rest of us.

  16. Foreign Waka 16

    See the big tik tok? Time’s up.

  17. fender 17

    Hi everyone, its me the smiling assassin. If you look at my right hand you can see it is now in a permanent pistol-grip, finger on the trigger shape due to the high usage. But having no conscience allows me to keep smiling.

  18. Bill 18

    You do finally understand we got options on your time, don’t you?

  19. I’ve just dropped a stinker of a budget, and it’s fun watching people quirm.

  20. D-D-D-Damn ! 20

    Photographer: “I said ‘laid-back’, John, not fucking comotose !!!”

  21. jack 21

    We’re going to make a shit load of money from these ignorant taxpayers like we did in Ireland. 70 billion, all under my control..All I have to do is smile and wave. Let’s see, 100 million goes to Goldman sachs, then 50 million goes to …..

  22. D-D-D-Damn ! 22

    Photographer: “Oh Christ, you’ve been drinking again, haven’t ya, mate.”

  23. burt 23

    I didn’t get where I am today by waiting for the government to put my benefit up.

  24. Kevin Welsh 24

    Fuck youuuu!

  25. Jackal 25

    “Don’t I look spesh with my Tephlon veneer all buffed?”

  26. Tazirev 26

    Tick-tock, tick-tock,
    Listen to the little clock.
    Tick-tock, tick-tock,
    Johnny is a little cock!

  27. willie maley 27

    What a smug, self satisfied tosser.

  28. mac1 28

    Wow, a five button general!

  29. seeker 29

    King cNUT

  30. Scott 30

    Guess who just looked at his bank statement.

  31. Augustus 31

    Stopping the family from thriving: Legend

  32. Jackal 32

    “Poverty… What poverty?”

  33. Thinking : “I’m going to Europe. Must build contacts for my next job. I wonder if I hang around outside the Bilderbergers will let me in?

  34. Old Tony 34

    “The most amusing part of this job is the conspiracy theories that emanate from the Left which trouble me not in the least”.

  35. joe90 35

    If the taxpayer had supported your family and paid for your education you’d be smirking too.

  36. Jenny 36

    Stop hitting yourself

  37. Jim Nald 37

    Is this the face of a front-line con-artist?

  38. Jackal 38

    “Dush you like my new toupée?”

  39. Why is he making his watch a feature? Normally you would pose with it half covered given the pose you have adopted.
    And what is with that right arm and hand position? And the finger arrangement?
    It is altogether creepy.
    Who chose this out of all the photos he did in this shoot? Was this the best?
    Maybe his minders have given up dressing their election prop? Maybe they know he wont be around for long.

  40. Fiji Bill 40

    Not only my thigh is itchy, two things…

  41. Te Reo Putake 41

    NEW from BOLLOKA; The Banker.
    Have you been living on borrowed time? Feeling interest ticking away? Now Switzerland’s finest watchmaker has the watch for you.
    The Banker.
    Made from steel from the same foundry that Geneva’s gnomes use to make the doors to their vaults, the Banker features a changeable front, with two patented Smugolene faces to match your moods, both smiley and wavey. The Banker comes with selective memory, that you can switch on and off just by one toss of the wrist.
    Tell the world that You’ve Made It, and you’re laughing all the way to The Banker.
    Bolloka Watches. Bern. London. Waikiki.

  42. pdubyah 42

    the Right hand Finger is straight from the creepy Farmers Santa

  43. Rupert the Beer 43

    “And, bachelor number 3, what’s your idea of a romantic legislative agenda?”

  44. ‘ how could ya not love me, stuff do ‘

  45. BillODrees 45

    What is scarier than this photo? That a PM is surrounded by idiots who think it is clever. 

  46. Scotty 46

    Smirkey gives himself a well deserved upper cut.

  47. Brian 47

    “Anyone wanna buy a watch” ?

    “It’s not yours to sell”

    “Ok, anyone wanna buy 49% of a watch”?

  48. rod 48

    The watch automatically wakes me up when a NZ TV camera man appears and wants my latest winning pose. God I’m good looking.

  49. Johnm 49

    I am the the slick, charming Wall Street salesman: I’ll steal your soul and sell it back to you! And you will thank me for it!

    My credentials? I got 50,000,000 dinero out of Merrill Lynch before its Ponzi scheme went BUST!
    Me and my classmates will do the same to NZ before it goes BUST!

  50. What’s important here is a monitory system and the Bankers can’t let them fail, what would
    become of me?

  51. Treetop 51

    I’m busting to go.

    Just cross ya leg a bit harder and don’t look at ya watch.

  52. fender 52

    I love to look in the mirror and push my left cheek up so that I resemble Muldoon. Hope they cant tell I’m wearing Hekias g-string and its on backwards.

  53. Chris 53

    And on the seventh day after stuffing up an entire country moronkey rested.

  54. This is a comment he actually made to me last year, in Lower Hutt, at a public meeting organised by Greypower,

    “Don’t you worry about asset sales. It’ll all be alright.”

    I kid you not.

    • jack 54.1

      That’s what he probably told his clients while working for Merril Lynch before the whole derivative scheme went belly up. That worries me.

  55. Jenny Michie 55

    Sleepy, Happy and Dopey

  56. McFlock 56

    I want to say a funny caption, but the photo is too shite.

    A smile, slightly rumpled suit and a slouch to make him look relaxed and approachable. Run of the mill so far.
    The slightly lower pov to give an air of authority – at least they didn’t overdo it.
    Can’t do much about the dead eyes, but a lot of people won’t notice.
    But then the fist, the trigger finger and the defensive knee? Is that seriously the best they could come up with? Out of how many taken in the photo shoot? They seriously sat down and said “this is the best shot we have, it’s awesome”? My best guess would be that it was a 3news photo in the studio,  he was in a bit of a hurry for it, and his minders had little control over which ones got used (or maybe didn’t see them before publication). 

  57. Phil 57

    Horologist? Moi?

    Anyone know the make of said watch?
    Let’s have a gander at how accurate his time keeping is, 1975 anyone?

  58. felix 58

    Believe it or not, this is as straight as he can sit. You should see what happens when he tries to lie straight in bed.

  59. Phil 59

    Maybe Aunty Betty bought it for him, or was that Aunty Olga, Or Aunty Helga?

  60. Rodeel 60

    “What’s the purpose of my visit to New Zealand?……..Ummm… Money..I think you guys pay me…don’t you?

  61. M 61

    John Key proves he does a better job of propping up his head than he does the economy.

  62. Tracey 62

    How long til my knighthood, cos I cant keep up this smiling forever?

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