I’d phone a friend but they’re all Young Nats too

Written By: - Date published: 12:30 pm, July 23rd, 2010 - 113 comments
Categories: activism, Media, Politics, tv - Tags: , , ,

Halfcaste interviews a selection of Young Nats at their recent conference.

Interviewer: “What’s your favourite tribe?”

Young Nat: “To be honest I don’t have a favourite Maori tribe”

Interviewer: “Top three?”

Young Nat: “Ahh… I don’t think I know…”

Interviewer: “Don’t know any Maori tribes?”

Young Nat: “Noooo… No, hang on, Maori tribes… no sorry…”

The clip below’s just a teaser, you can watch the whole thing here including cameos from Nikki “Equality of opportunity, not equality of outcome” Kaye and Simon “A hand up rather than a hand out” Bridges.

113 comments on “I’d phone a friend but they’re all Young Nats too”

  1. This is really good satire. Labour youth must be involved in this.

    It is satire isn’t it? You mean …

  2. Jim Nald 2

    Those two would make fantastic National cabinet ministers for a fresh, ambitious New Zealand future.

  3. Lew 3

    Outstanding. Made my day.

    L

  4. Maggie 4

    Don’t dis the Young Nats, their parties are legendary!

    • blueboy 4.1

      I beleive their parties are legendary, at least they pay for their own booze unlike young Labour who tend to steal their booze.

      • loota 4.1.1

        Nah blueboy, I don’t think Young Nats have to pay for their own booze. that’s disengenuous, just grab the glenfiddich from the folks’ liquor cabinet. And aren’t these the kinds of parents who are quite happy to supply their teenage kids with shedloads of alcopops for their after ball bashes?

      • Ari 4.1.2

        Bah, the Young Nats have effectively stolen theirs through class warfare anyway :p

  5. vto 5

    ha ha, just like the msm, pick out the best/worst and abandon all sense of balance.

    but seriously those two came across as lacking some basic basics.

    • Fisiani 5.1

      But what a stupid question. What is your favourite tribe? How about asking what is your favourite town council ? What is your favourite company? What a total non story.

      • BLiP 5.1.1

        Yours would have been a better response than what those spotty brats came up with. Its actually a great story in that it exposes the youth within National Ltdâ„¢ as the pig ignorant white trash rejects that they are. Even if you can’t perceive that, it was still full of lols which, in my book, makes it a very worthy story.

  6. just saying 6

    Cheers for that.

    Just can’t have too many laughs out-loud in a day!

    I recommend watching the whole thing to anyone with ten minutes to spare, though it is kind of disturbing……

  7. felix 7

    Watching these Mouseketeers contrasted with the child-stars Nikki and Simon and further comparing them to the full grown Nats there’s a disturbing realisation that these people never grow up, never change, and never learn anything. Except their lines. They do get slightly better at the lines. But not that much better.

    • Tigger 7.1

      Was Simon Bridges actually speaking English? I could not understand a word he said. And who on earth told Kaye to emphasise that she doesn’t stand for equality of outcome? She makes a huge point of saying she believes in equal opportunity but NOT equal outcome. It’s the dumbest right wing spin I’ve heard in ages.

      • Richard 7.1.1

        I imagine it is because equality of outcome is communism, or something.

        • Rosy 7.1.1.1

          That would be funny if it wasn’t so horrifying. Should have asked them what their ideas for equal opportunity were given people start from different places …

  8. BLiP 8

    And these people want a say in the running of Aotearoa? And that woman is from South Side?? I despair.

  9. george 9

    Felix, that’s because they don’t need to grow up. They’re cossetted by privilege and never have to face the realities that force most people to grow. The irony is they then tell people who have a lot of real world experience like nurses, teachers and union members that they don’t understand the “real world”.

  10. djp 10

    answer: “Visigoths!”

    If it is ok to have a favourite tribe is it ok to have a favourite race?

    • george 10.1

      Are you asking that because you prefer whites to non-whites and would like to be able to say so?

      • djp 10.1.1

        No georgie I am just wondering if there is a double standard there.

        I could have just as easily said Olkhunut.

        Am I the only one who thinks it is weird to expect all NZ’ers to have a favourite Maori tribe? None of the Maoris I have known (not huge numbers but still) have ever mentioned any of the particulars so I am unaware of what differences there are between Maori tribes… this makes it hard to pick a favourite.

        • Richard 10.1.1.1

          As Lew says, the point is that it isn’t a sensible question.

          The question is a joke. The young Nats are the punchline.

          But this goes totally over the heads of the young Nats.

          • felix 10.1.1.1.1

            … and others apparently.

            Next djp will be saying it’s not fair ‘cos they didn’t go and ask any young maori what their favourite celtic clan is.

            • djp 10.1.1.1.1.1

              I dont care about fairness.. the interviewer can ask whatever he likes.

              It doesnt seem obvious that it is a joke question either (esp considering the channel). Plenty of people get asked these kind of questions and the answers have a real effect.

        • BLiP 10.1.1.2

          Am I the only one who thinks it is weird to expect all NZ’ers to have a favourite Maori tribe? None of the Maoris I have known (not huge numbers but still) have ever mentioned any of the particulars so I am unaware of what differences there are between Maori tribes this makes it hard to pick a favourite.

          This comment is wrong on so many levels. At least we have a clear illustration of the level of deliberate ignorance out there. Trouble is, how can anyone make these people *want* to know.

          • djp 10.1.1.2.1

            good on you then.. if it is wrong on so many levels you should be able to come up with some substance rather then just trash talking

            • Harry 10.1.1.2.1.1

              Now you want substance? You right-whingers abandoned the substance high-ground years ago. And now you only clamour for it when you’re beat. Suck it up loser.

              • djp

                I am not a right winger and your argument amounts to “neener neener”

                Unfortunately there are no winners in this level of discourse

            • BLiP 10.1.1.2.1.2

              The plural for Maori is Maori. How can you say you “know” a Maori if you don’t know their iwi affiliation? If none of the Maori you say you know haven’t told you their affiliation means you can’t answer the question then that indicates you have never bothered to find out for yourself. Etc etc etc . . .

              • djp

                My best friend for a couple of years was my half cast neighbour named Winara, his tribe never came up as a part of conversation. Either he wasnt a real Maori or you are full of it when you say you cant know a Maori if you dont know their tribe.

                I did learn a new way to pronounce Taupo though

                • Harry

                  Some of my best friends are maoris.

                • BLiP

                  That it didn’t come up in conversation or that you weren’t interested enough to ask fits nicely with your use of the term “half caste”. I note you didn’t respond the fact that you need a Maori to tell you which tribe is best because you can’t be arsed checking it out for yourself. Tell me, what’s the first five lines of the national anthem in Maori?

                  • djp

                    well I guess a white dude chilling out with a brown dude just isnt good enough for you is it?

                    You are right though, I cant be bothered learning about Maori tribes and similar topics because smug assholes like you turn me off the subject altogether.

                    • Harry

                      Some of my best friends are maaaoris. We chill out together all the time. Man.

                    • BLiP

                      You’d better hurry up and join the YoungNats, then.

                    • djp

                      piss off Harry… you never once asked me my tribe, Im just starting to think you dont care enough

                    • felix

                      Maaaaris are alright as long as they keep all that maaaaari stuff to themselves.

                    • djp

                      Seriously.. you guys all seem like weirdo PC freaks to me.

                      If not looking at the world through brown colored glasses makes me a racist prick then so be it.

                    • Harry

                      Oh noez djp has been turned off! It’s not all about you little fella. Despite what your mum told you.

                    • BLiP

                      heh! classic!!

                      Funny how “PC” has gone from being a bit of an in-joke amongst lefties to a pejorative term bandied about by RWNJ trolls. Even more amusing is the fact that the trolls can’t explain what “politically correct” actually means when they use it except to describe it as some kind of mind-control mechanism the supah-sekrit Socialist planetary overlords have stuffed down their throats via the panty waisted liberal media so that they can’t use the word n1gger any more.

                      djp – why don’t you and your imaginary maaaari friend go to your room. Its past your bedtime.

                    • Ari

                      PC is still an in-joke among lefties, the righties just don’t realise it yet. 🙂

    • Lew 10.2

      If the hapless young Tory had responded with something like “that’s a weird question, tribes aren’t something you just pick as favourites” it would have been to her considerable credit. But that would have required her to have actually thought about the topic.

      L

      • djp 10.2.1

        Fair enough.. they did seem like muppets

      • Rex Widerstrom 10.2.2

        Fair point I guess, but as I was reading down the transcript my first thought was “Isn’t that some obscure question about hiphop music? Are they trying to show the young Nats are un-hip?”.

        I’ve faced all sorts of live interviews on all sorts of topics in my time and that question would have thrown me completely because it is so weird and there’s no right answer. And human nature is such that no one wants to say “I have NFI what you’re talking about” only to realise they’ve misheard or misunderstood and then come off loking like a prat.

        Even asking “Please explain?” didn’t exactly do wonders for the politician who resorted to it 😉

  11. outofbed 12

    An observation

    Young Greens? Not a black brown or yellow face amongst them, all Vote Green
    Young Nats? Not a black brown or yellow face amongst them, most Vote Act
    Young Labour? A few brown black or yellow faces, most Vote Green

  12. loota 13

    These Young Nats are going to become fast friends with Maori Tv, I can see it now. Don’t they even bother to read the news about Key and Tuhoe?

    Bizarrely uninformed and unaware for aspiring young politicians.

    captcha: CLEARLY

  13. tc 14

    Just like the senior nat’s….don’t let knowledge/rational thought/evidence and logic get in the way of your ideology….blinkers on and off we go into the wild blue yonder.

    Reminds me of that young ones episode where Emma Thomson/Stephen Fry and Ben Elton played the footlights college toffs on University Challenge……just with a kiwi 21st century twist.

  14. Mostyn 15

    Shouldn’t make fun of the kids I suppose, but that was very, very funny.

  15. Jim Nald 16

    Ok, I watched that longer version and was blinking so much in disbelief that my contact lenses nearly both fell out. Is the clip for real??

    Comments after watching it … what to say?

    An embarrassment of riches

  16. Brett 17

    What is this Maori nation the interviewer speaks of ?
    Also favourite Maori tribe ?
    WTF.

    • Lew 17.1

      No comment thread about ethnic politics is complete without Brett turning up and utterly misunderstanding everything about it.

      L

      • Brett 17.1.1

        Just watched the whole vid
        Jeez what a wanker that guy from Maori TV is, what an ego.

        • Richard 17.1.1.1

          Yay!

          That’s nearly(!) as funny as the original.

          Well done Brett.

        • loota 17.1.1.2

          Mate, I guess its tough not to feel superior when you’re shooting fish in a barrel.

    • Bill 17.2

      That really does take the biscuit Bret.

      At least the kids on the vid have a bit of an excuse insofar as they were in front of a TV camera being interviewed and had to offer instant responses in an unfamiliar situation.

      You, though, have no excuses. Maybe you really do need to sue your parents?

  17. The point is Brett that if you live in Aotearoa and expect to be a leader and cannot name even one Maori tribe then you have a serious hole in your knowledge that should be justification for preventing you from ever holding office …

  18. Brett 19

    Yes I agree you should be able to name at least one Maori tribe, but what’s your favourite tribe,honestly how do you answer that?.
    I like Tuhoe because they always have heaps of piss owww ?

    • Richard 19.1

      Brett, how would you answer the question:

      “What is your favorite magazine to read?”

    • fraser 19.2

      brett “but what’s your favourite tribe,honestly how do you answer that?.”

      how about something like – “well i wouldnt want to pick a favourite but [insert tribe] has done some good things”

      that would suffice surely?
      (of course, thats in hind site – and im sure anyone of us could easily look like a bit of a twit when put on the spot)

    • felix 19.3

      Thing is, Brett, a question in an interview (as opposed to a quiz) is really just an invitation to speak briefly on a subject.

      If you have nothing – nothing at all – to say on that huge, huge subject (or just something stupid like your comment above) then that in itself speaks volumes about you.

      Gee I wish Brett Dale were here – at least he’d be amusing for while. This other Brett is just sad.

    • what’s your favourite tribe,honestly how do you answer that?.

      The thing is the future of the National Party obviously could not name any tribe. They should have come out with anything like Nga Puhi, Ngati Porou, Tainui, Ngai Tahu or any other tribe.

      It was a great question. It was far worse not to answer than to answer.

      • comedy 19.4.1

        How about if they’d said Ngati benephiti, Ngati tai troughy, and Parekura’s tribe Ngati phery phati

        • Harry 19.4.1.1

          haha – you’re a racist! Got a few self-respect problems you’re compensating for there racist?

          • comedy 19.4.1.1.1

            Yes like this guy.

            • Harry 19.4.1.1.1.1

              No. More like a sad racist you. Be proud and own it. Or alternatively keep digging. It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen from you so far, “comedy”.

        • BLiP 19.4.1.2

          Playing the race card again, Comedy? I would have expected higher standards from you given your wee tanty the other day.

          • comedy 19.4.1.2.1

            I hear you lurve the cock

            • Harry 19.4.1.2.1.1

              I’ve hear you haven’t even got a cock to speak of. Seems about right.

            • BLiP 19.4.1.2.1.2

              Which particular cock are you referring to – John Key?

              • comedy

                He’ll do, or anyone on the other side of the house, or Felix or Harry who appears to have joined the happy group of tame trolls.

            • Ari 19.4.1.2.1.3

              You know, some of us who comment here actually are queer, (or even straight women :P) Comedy. 😛

              • comedy

                And most like yourslf and Uroskin are intelligent

                • Ari

                  What does that have to do with the inappropriateness of implying that being GLBTQI is somehow insulting?

                  If you respect queers, (in specific or in general) you shouldn’t do it. >:(

                  • comedy

                    What is insulting about lurving the cock ?

                    Don’t plenty of people lurve the cock ?

                    I don’t disrespect or respect queers – most of the time I wouldn’t have a clue who was or wasn’t queer.

  19. Luke 20

    Woo, bunch of lefties bagging on national supporters.
    You’re not adding anything to NZ politics by sitting on your computer dissing these guys. Everybody knows Maori tribe names but in an interview situation I’m sure it’s hard to think.

    If it were Young Labour in this interview, everyone here would be saying ‘oh hey don’t be mean to them, it was a bad question’ or ‘they were under pressure’ or something. So don’t go acting all sanctimonious.

    • Lew 20.1

      Woulda shoulda coulda. Leave it out, chap, they were asked a sharp question and choked.

      L

      • IrishBill 20.1.1

        Everybody knows Maori tribe names but in an interview situation I’m sure it’s hard to think.

        That sounds a bit nanny state liberal to me. Whatever happened to standing on your own merits and taking personal responsibility?

    • felix 20.2

      Luke,

      When you’re the butt of a joke that you don’t get, it doesn’t help to cry foul.

  20. Cnr Joe 21

    Toi Iti is it?
    He’s great, Tamas son I suppose?

  21. DS 22

    How hard is it to say: I’ve really admired how Ngai Tahu/Tainui/Ngati Porou have done great work in [x].

    Eg – being a South Islander I (hope) I would have said ‘I’m impressed by the work Ngai Tahu have put into furthering tertiary education by their intelligent use of redevelopment of land etc’

    Failing that: All of them.

  22. RedFred 23

    funny

  23. BLiP 24

    Sorry – but I just can’t over this video. I called a couple of my nephews aged 12 and 13 on the pakeha branch of te whanau and asked them the same question. The older one said: “they’re all good, why’s that?” Good Answer. The younger one, although he got it completely wrong, said “Parihaka because of what happened”.

    Remind me to buy my sister a bunch of flowers – I might even shout her National Ltdâ„¢ voting husband a beer next time I see him.

    • Anne 24.1

      Watched video 3 times now. They fascinate me. So thick! I’m picking they went to private schools where they learnt bugger-all about Maori. Standard of education below par… yet the private schools are exempt from National Standards!

      As for the loony mantra “I believe in equality of opportunity but not equality of outcome”. What’s it supposed to mean? That everyone should have the opportunity to learn to read and write, but only the privileged few (such as themselves) should be able to go on to have successful, fulfilling and lucrative (emphasis on lucrative) careers? It beggars belief.

      • BLiP 24.1.1

        Those vapid cretins seem to live in an alternate universe where everyone is like them, or wants to be, and all they have to do is recite their rote-learned lines without the application of thought. In fact, the application of thought would be detrimental to any acceptance they might receive from their peer group.

        The mantra is the epitome of the blame culture thinking whereby: you deserve what you get because you had same the opportunity. It is also a classic example of the primary failure in economics: namely, in establishing any model the primary assumption is that “all things being equal”. Thus, its possible to postulate that if everyone goes to school, everyone has the same chance of success provided they make the same effort. Trouble is, how does that account for the fact that some of the kids arrive at school barefoot and hungry, or others have dyslexia, some have computers and some don’t, and so on. To see re-framed economic babble spouted in relation to the social areas of politics by youth is a frightening glimpse into the future of Aotearoa.

  24. RedFred 25

    Although someone just got banned for posting another sketch by Halfcaste over at Red Alert.

  25. Descendant Of Smith 26

    Sorry but it’s hard not to feel embarrassed when young people who aspire to be leaders can’t even play a simple word association game and name at least their local tribe, let alone any of the well known tribes in NZ.

    Sure some of that simply reflects urbanisation – city folks huh but for goodness sake what country do they think they are living in?

    These kids are going to have to face a NZ with all the baby boomers dead and 50% of the workforce non-white.

    They ain’t got a hope in hell.

    • loota 26.1

      That’s why they’re all going over to Oz to do university or careers.

    • Gosman 26.2

      Because the names of tribes come up a lot in the average workplace.

      LOL!

      • Harry 26.2.1

        And so do classical economic theories. Lol!

        • felix 26.2.1.1

          I like the way you roll, Harry.

          • Harry 26.2.1.1.1

            yeah but they be hatin. (theirselfs mainly).

          • Descendant Of Smith 26.2.1.1.2

            “Because the names of tribes come up a lot in the average workplace.”

            I’ve worked in a few workplaces from working in the bush, to abattoirs, to retail, to the disability sector, community organisations and banking.

            The only normal workplace that had no discussion about Maori and Iwi and what was happening on a particular marae was in the banking industry – which was predominantly white and in terms of management almost exclusively male – I remember when the ANZ bank appointed the first female accountant in Australasia.

            I guess your definition of a normal workplace and mine are poles apart. As I noted earlier I suspect urbanisation plays a significant part but for us country boys it was just part of everyday life born out of a commonality of living in the same community.

            • Ari 26.2.1.1.2.1

              Even being an urbanite is no excuse. I live in an almost entirely white suburban “paradise”, but I could name three or four tribes off the top of my head.

              It’s a matter of putting in some effort to your social education. Out in the country you have to do that, but privileged people in the cities seem to think it’s optional to be aware of the wider community.

  26. Kevin Welsh 27

    Now I know what Tim Nice But Dim, did when he left school.

  27. ak 28

    “No hang on…. Maori tribes….”

    Watch it a dozen times and weep for the future.

    As the grotesque, Mauler Benefit/Thatcherite “confident woman” tory appropriation of progressive feminist gain attaches the equally-obscene GrinnyKey “love me for my ignorance” appropriation of respect for the simpleton – and crystallises, fatally, into classic pathos.

    Morbid fascination, with a word for the wise:

    Ae, Tariana, this is how they’re raised.
    Deliberately.
    And determinedly.
    Hone’s right.
    Be advised.

    Ano. Play it again – and again and again, Haami.

  28. Lew 29

    Sure lends a bit of context to the finding of UN Special Rapporteur on Human Rights James Anaya — that the status of te reo Māori is somewhat hollow, since it’s an official language which isn’t actually taught.

    L

  29. vto 30

    This is a classic re-run of Dr Suess’s “Butter Battle Book”.

    • comedy 30.1

      You’ll like this then.

    • felix 30.2

      The Butter Battle was about two parallel societies, each equally ignorant of the other.

      This really isn’t like that at all, v.

    • vto 30.3

      Yes I do like that mr comedy.

      Felix, perhaps its not in the wider context but it certainly is when it comes to young pollies buttering up each others buttering bits.

      btw, anyone ever try buttering their toast butter-side down? Clearly one society is all upside-down about things…..

      • felix 30.3.1

        Ok then. This is just like Mullholand Drive, maybe not in any specific way but there’s people and a party and dialogue.

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