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John Key: Labour party expert

Written By: - Date published: 9:43 pm, September 17th, 2013 - 62 comments
Categories: john key, labour - Tags:

I see both Fairfax and the Herald quote extensively from John Key on the inner workings of the Labour Party – he has all the inside gossip apparently.

Trevor, Grant, David, David, David, they may all play their hands close, but when it comes to John – they tell him everything.

So we now know that David Parker being made Deputy

“shows how deep the rifts are within the Labour Party caucus. In the end if they were really a united caucus they needed to bring the two parts of the equation together and essentially they’ve failed to do that. What that shows you is the Robertson camp isn’t really backing David Cunliffe so that will spell problems for him over time. ”

“[Cunliffe] might look slicker on top but it’s a band aid over a very divided party.”

“[Parker]’s very pointy-headed, can’t communicate with the public very easily”

“Trevor Mallard, love or hate the guy, he knows the House inside out, so that will be another sort of agitating force and there are others – we know that Phil Goff and Annette King are really opposed to David Cunliffe,”

Yup, Key’s been told about all the vast rifts and divisions and how they’re going to be attacking each other instead of him.  Because it’s not like he’d just say that, is it?  It’s not like it’s his job to make shit up about Labour.  A bit like getting Cameron Slater on as a pundit to talk about Labour (I’m looking at you TV3).

So, just to help all those poor political journos who need some tips, here’s a picture of everything John Key (or Slater for that matter) knows about the inner workings of the Labour Party:


62 comments on “John Key: Labour party expert ”

  1. lprent 1

    Blank.PNG…. Glorious…

  2. mickysavage 2

    Yep I do not understand why the media think that Key knows what happens in the Labour Party. I also do not understand why they do not comprehend that anything he says is fueled by malice.

    As for Cameron what can I say …

    He has no social boundaries. He seems to think that he can say all sorts of shyte about young people and it is justified because his side of the political spectrum has to win.

    I don’t know whether to feel really sorry for him or not. I suspect that he is actually helping left wing activism because he is that bad he is making activists more determined to achieve change.

    • tc 2.1

      This will be their line of attack, helped by the MSM.

      See the way the issues like chorus etc aren’t once they change tack onto the Labour caucus.

      All opposition MP’s need to hammer the theme ‘answer the issue, what are you afraid of….yes this is what open democracy looks like, I see you are not familiar with it etc etc’

      You do that with the gluons and rat boys and it forms part of their piece so the swingers can see who is owned and who is fighting for a fairer NZ.

    • joe90 2.2

      As for Cameron what can I say …

      A wide boy who’s too stupid to be a tory?.

  3. Boadicea 3

    “I don’t know whether to feel really sorry for him or not.” Seriously?????????????????

    Cameron, like some other media jocks and politicians, might score on many of the measurements of a psychopath:

    Facet 1: Interpersonal
    Glibness/superficial charm
    Grandiose sense of self-worth
    Pathological lying
    Facet 2: Affective
    Lack of remorse or guilt
    Emotionally shallow
    Callous/lack of empathy
    Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
    Facet 3: Lifestyle
    Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
    Parasitic lifestyle
    Lack of realistic, long-term goals
    Facet 4: Antisocial
    Poor behavioral controls
    Early behavioral problems
    Juvenile delinquency
    Revocation of conditional release
    Criminal versatility
    Many short-term marital relationships
    Promiscuous sexual behaviour


    or might not…..

    • Tracey 3.1

      Mr Slater has stated he has mental health issues. If depression is one of them he will have very low self-esteem. People who have anger and low self esteem issues feel better (temporarily) BY BRINGING OTHERS DOWN, IT MAKES THEM FEEL “BETTER THAN”… SOMEONE, ANYONE… (oops fat finger on caps lock) . They love pitting people against each other and they need it to be personal.

      However it is fleeting because soon their self talk overrides the euphoria and continues telliing them how stupid or useless they are. It is sad and you are right to consider feeling sorry for such a person.

      • onsos 3.1.1

        I don’t really appreciate this. Cameron Slater is a nasty piece of work, but it is not because of his mental health. I know plenty of people with experience of depression; almost invariably they are the subject of their own negative talk.

        • Murray Olsen

          I agree, onsos. The people I have known with depression have turned inward, against themselves. WhaleSpew’s problem is something else. It’s also something I don’t really care about. With all the problems in this world, and all the good people who are victimised and suffering, I just do not have space on my list for that hate merchant.

        • Rogue Trooper

          more complex than that.

    • Rhinocrates 3.2

      I find this really disturbing.

      Yes, Slater is a scumbag, but please don’t use mental illness itself as a smear.

      I have high-functioning autism, and as the joke has it, I don’t suffer from it, I enjoy it. On the other hand, I’m prone to bouts of anxiety and depression disorder and I don’t enjoy them at all and don’t like to see mental health problems seen as moral failings.

      “Psychopath” is an easy smear, but I’ve known plenty of people to lazily lump it with “evil”, not bothering to think that it is simply a description of behaviour that is statistically divergent from the mean.

      I’ve also seen plenty of people lump autism with psychopathy who think that psychopathy is a synonym for “evil”.

      There are in fact many individuals in history who would be described as “great” who would also be described as “psychopaths” if one went through the checklist.

      At the very least, look up “confirmation bias” – that is, assessing evidence for its “truthiness” according to whether it meets a predetermined judgement.

      Please, Boadicea, be a bit more thoughtful before you leap to using labels as judgments, otherwise you’ll be covering a lot of people who don’t deserve that judgement. Slater is scum; just leave it at that.

      • Rogue Trooper 3.2.1

        at the Lectern tonight, Hannibal.

        • Chooky

          @ Rhinocrates….good to have you back!….none of us is normal….just as well because real “normal” is very boring…..look very very closely and just about everyone is a bit abnormal …..and a bit crazy……(some nicely so and some not so nice)…..towards one end of the spectrum or the other on some diagnosis or another

          Graham Greene was a manic depressive …or bi-polar….and it probably stimulated his perception and creativity

          @ lol Rogue Trooper Possum!….I expect you are a wee bit …. anyone who likes John Maikovich and Mr Ripley (and Mr Ripley’s author was definitely not normal!)…has to be……urmmm…Look up Robert Fisk vs John Maikovich

          • ghostrider888

            His former darkness haunts him. I’ll be trailin’ him till he does!

          • Rhinocrates

            I don’t mean to attack Boadicea personally, so I hope that she’s not hurt by that – I just want to point out that one should pause before seeming to judge.

          • Rhinocrates

            Well, as it has been said so eloquently, “Malkovich, Malkocvich – Malkovich, MALKOVICH… Malkovich… Malkovich. Malkovich.”

            • Rogue Trooper

              an Adaptation of Les liaisans Dangereuses

            • Chooky

              Ok…… MALKOVICH….my spelling is awful……I will concede he is good, organic , seamless actor especially of sinister evil characters ….but Robert Fisk is a hero of mine and Malkovich blotted his copy book forever when he attacked Fisk the way he did

              Also I admit Patricia Highsmith is a classic writer of the genre and the sinister psychopath Mr Ripley…..but I never did like him….I guess I wasnt supposed to….I am actually a failed romance writer ( ha ha)….they never could get their act together….I am now thinking about crime…..crime writers seem to have more fun!

              • Rogue Trooper

                plenty of material to draw upon in the newspapers.

                • Chooky

                  @ Rogue Trooper possum…..yes but most local newspaper crime just amounts to sad lapses of self control….pointless crime and stunted thoughtless tragic acts and characters ….maybe it should be a psychological thriller ….(it will be what it will be, or not be …when i get the time)

  4. Lionel 4

    Will be hard work for Cunliffe to turn the MSM around judging by the focus on caucus instead of Chorus tongue slip the copper tax has become an issue because Key says Chorus are going broke that should be the MSMs focus I thought Cunliffe aside from the slip was solid certainly well ahead of Shearer I watched Question time Key hardly answered 1 question honestly and just took pot shots at Cunliffe and Robertson he should be looking over his shoulder being overseas for a length of time gives Joyce and Collins time to cook up a coup the Nats are just as capable of knifeing one another in the back as Labour are remember there was an attempted coup on Muldoon when he was out of the country and a successful one
    on Bolger by Jenny Shipley when he was away despite today not living
    up to expectation the tide is going out on Key only the MSM have’nt got that yet this arrogant corrupt government won’t continue to get away with what they have been able for much longer

    • weka 4.1

      Is there a reason you didn’t use punctuation in that comment? It’s hard to read.

      Re the MSM, there were 3 pieces in the ODT today, a report from Audrey Young, an editorial, and an opinion piece. The first two were actually ok in terms of not being hysterical about DC and Labour. The editorial was quite even handed. The opinion piece appeared to be from a right wing political commentator, I didn’t read much of it, but the start at least was also not inflammatory. I suspect that if DC carries on with the intelligence and taking the fight to Key over time, that there will more in the MSM willing to report more favourably. It is interesting after all, and makes a change from the last few years, which I’m sure some journos will appreciate.

      • Tracey 4.1.1

        I agree. If he doesnt get drawn into it, doesnt get defensive and focuses on repeating his message the public, if not the journos will get the message.

        Thats his task, frame a few issues and go back to them again and again no matter how asinine the questions get.

        It’s what the greens have had to learn to do and now do it so well

      • Pasupial 4.1.2

        Weka; I mostly read the online ODT, where the four front-page Politics section includes 2 AudreyYoung stories. The first from yesterday leads with:

        “New Labour leader David Cunliffe hinted this afternoon that he will recommend Grant Robertson as his deputy”

        Whereas today’s her piece on Parker as Labour Deputy says:

        “Mr Cunliffe has made it abundantly clear in public statements that had Mr Robertson wanted to be his second in command he would have recommended him for the sake of party unity.”

        I haven’t seen any public statements from Cunliffe saying that, but it might have been on TV where I would have missed it. It does comes across like she’s trying to retrospectively validate yesterday’s error though. Especially since the Dene MacKensie article above AY-AY’s says:

        “Mr Parker said he was Mr Cunliffe’s preferred nomination for deputy leader”

        • karol

          Yes, I don’t understand where Young got this from.

          It may have been from Cunliffe’s first press stand-up.

          Youtube version.

          I seem to recall that one MSM report cited this.

          But when I listened to it the day it was posted online, but I didn’t get that from the stand-up.

          Edit: Young’s reference, Monday:

          New Labour leader David Cunliffe hinted this afternoon that he will recommend Grant Robertson as his deputy at tomorrow’s vote.

          At a press conference at Parliament, Mr Cunliffe said he expected to make a recommendation on the position at tomorrow’s caucus meeting, the first since his election yesterday.

        • weka

          Pasupial, I can’t remember the content of the paper versio. But that’s the devil of it – we are so used to crap MSM jonolism, that I quite possibly overlooked her mis-information because it wasn’t hugely glaring or negative like I was expecting.

    • GregJ 4.2

      I doubt there is much Cunliffe directly can do to turn the MSM around – the corporate Media will changes its narrative only when it sees it to be in their own interest – most probably when they realise that public opinion is surging toward a change in Government. I think it is a misnomer that the corporate MSM leads public opinion – it chases it to sell advertising & make profits.

      I say lets not play the game and pin our hopes on it – there are alternatives to the Corporate MSM and those are what must be harnassed to make the change. In the same way Key needs to be made irrelevant so does the media – indeed the Labour leadership contest demonstrated how feeble the MSM was & how powerless they are when direct democracy is applied.

    • David H 4.3

      Yeah the Nats are particularly skilled at the ‘Knife in the Back’ scenario’.

  5. LynWiper 5

    Thanks BUNJI, succinctly put!

  6. Matthew 6

    Does the Leader of the house become speaker? Because if Cunliffe wants Trevor the Duck on his side, he should offer him the speakers role for when they win.
    Mallard would be excellent IMO, he knows procedure inside out, & it would satisfy his ego…

    • Boadicea 6.1

      Mallard is a damaged brand. Labour is better off with him “retired”.
      Mallard has put himself and his parochial Wellington/Hutt micro-world ahead of the NZ Labour Party.
      Mallard didn’t learn how to mature gracefully.

      • Tracey 6.1.1

        being speaker canbe “retired”. And Lockwood surprised me with how good he was (which is why Nats had to let him go). Perhaps Trevor would be similar? Need to win an election to have the worry though.

  7. fender 7

    Did Gower want Slater on because he’s tired of being the most unpleasant liar on television? Glad I missed it, I’m over the 3news that isn’t.

    And why anyone would want the opinion of a fool who clearly has no idea, or is just another fucking liar when he that said “the unions chose the new labour leader” is just beyond the joke.

    • Tracey 7.1

      what was Slater’s background before his blog? Qualifications? Job experience?

      • billbrowne 7.1.1

        Son of National Party president

      • lprent 7.1.2

        Auckland Grammar brat. I believe he started work as some kind of junior banker computer’s servant. He descended through a partnership in a (now failed and bankrupt) security firm to being at home and blogging with depression on some kind of income protection insurance.

        I’ve probably skipped a few career highlights because I haven’t seen anything of enough interest to mean that I should dig more. This is just what people have told me. You would not believe how many people have sent me the receivers report.

        Wait for the bombastic auto-biography.

        • fender

          “Wait for the bombastic auto-biography”

          Handwritten over unsold copies of “Truth”.

        • ghostwhowalksnz

          Not a junior banker …hahah.

          He was a computer operator for Databank , mainly back in days of tape jockeys and feeding paper into banks of line printers

          • lprent

            Thats right. I remembered it had something to do with being a minion in a bank.I have adjusted my earlier comment appropriately.

            Ummm I’m just figuring out the ages. He must have been doing that as the whole timeshare / batch computing operation business was going down the toilet.

  8. chris73 8

    Yeah I mean not withstanding Labours travails over Goff and Shearer these last couple of years ie backstabbing, leaking, dishormany and flat out treachery how could anyone suggest they don’t know whats going on


    • framu 8.1

      please explain how the leader of one party could be considered a credible source for info on their opponents

      go on – i dare you

      But really chris – put the pom poms down and ask yourself – is this really acceptable from our political journos?

  9. Craig Glen Eden 9

    ” the pom poms” Lol. Yeeeeeeees I think chris73 has hit himself in the head with those pom poms a few to many times. Im not aware of any back stabbing of either Shearer or Goff infact they both resigned their positions after it become clear to them that they were not going to beat Key. I would chalenge any Johnolist to come up with evidence of any attempted Leadership chalenge on either leader. Personally I told Shearer to his face he didnt have what it took to be Leader, Goff of coarse is 3 times the politician that Shearer was but just was not a leader, Goff I think if he is willing could be a good asset in Cunliffes Labour lead team so to could King.

    The next few days will be interesting as shadow cabinet minister positions get allocated, certainly Labour is looking way better than it has from what I saw in the house yesterday. Chorus/Caucus stumble the only minor issue.

  10. felix 10

    This is what John Key means when he says “centre-right vs far-left”: http://www.politicalcompass.org/nz2011

    • Pasupial 10.1


      I saw that on TDB, and it seemed a bit askew to me, but when I clicked your link I saw that it was from the 2011 election (which explains their; including “Progressive” while leaving NZ 1st out, but they’d slot in neatly where “United Future” is). “Labour’s Phil Goff” was then leader, I think Cunliffe’s Labour will be closer to where “Maori” was on the chart (but then Flavel’s Maori would be several points up on both the authoritarian and right axes – appropriately enough; a mirror image of “Mana” across the X-axis).

      It’ll be interesting to see an updated version for the 2014 election (though without enumerating the axes on a defined scale it is difficult to regard as more than a visual depiction of an opinion).

    • Pascal's bookie 10.2


  11. Enough is Enough 11

    You will give yourself an early grave if you worry about things like this Bunji.

    He is the PM. The media is going to ask him what he thinks of the new opposition. He is going to give a political answer.

    I don’t think anyone who read the PM’s comments will think it is accurate or anything other than political stirring.

    • shorts 11.1

      agree with this

      Where this can all go wrong is when Mr Key shows the electorate the man one can see in the house as he gives his informed view on Labour… his nasty smug self… his comments are pointless but the media allow the public to see the man and he can’t help himself

      Now if Labour could dispense with using the language of business people (moving forward, reaching out et al) and speak to normal kiwis in the language we use I’d be quite happy – as in stop using the same phrases national use…..

      • Tracey 11.1.1

        agree, change the language from addressing a board of directors to the people who work for the company from the junior to the 2IC

        • shorts

          there is of course a huge risk in using normal everyday language by politicians… Mallard might call Key a f___ing d__k 🙂

          • Enough is Enough

            No risk in that.

            That would be a good thing for Mad Dog Mallard to say and repeat from now until he retires in 12 months. It would be great for someone to accuratley decribe Key ansa Fucking Dick with a toupe who is stealing from your grandchildren as you sleep.

      • Martin 11.1.2

        I don’t think he will be remembered as one of the better ones.

        Going Forward…..I agree that word grouping should be an immediate black out offence in the media. I am so sick of corporate speak.

  12. Chooky 12

    “BOY AM I SCARED!…….EH!”

    (little John Key thought bubble…. on a large black McCahon canvas)

  13. Virginia Linton 13

    I can picture that Chooky, would make a nice Labour Party fundraiser t-shirt, cards or art print.

  14. logie97 14

    Was listening to the Peters/Key exchange in yesterday’s Question Time and after much prevarication on Key’s part, his last statement on it to the house was quite telling – 08:15 into question
    “I know a lot more on this issue than that member ever will …” – we know, of course, where he would be getting that information but it was the smugness of the delivery.
    Makes one wonder if he can be trusted with access to and knowledge of the security services he is in charge of? Would we ever know who he might be seeking information on through his departments?
    We do know how Bennett abused her position to get information on citizens.
    The recent monitoring of Dunne and the journalist makes one wonder – what was the brainfader’s involvement? Has that ever been clarified?

    • Anne 14.1

      The recent monitoring of Dunne and the journalist makes one wonder – what was the brainfader’s involvement? Has that ever been clarified?

      No it never was logie97. It just disappeared down a large hole like a lot of other mysteries in the past few years.

      I have no hesitation in saying that John Key’s primary reason for the GCSB legislation was to use the Dotcom affair to create a loophole that would allow him to gather any information he wanted about anyone he disliked or was looking for gen on… gen he could smear them with at a later date if it suited him. That would include opposition politicians, union delegates, public service personnel, academics, bloggers and individuals from all walks of life who dare to stand up and criticise him in public.

      He didn’t minutely study Rob Muldoon’s modus operandi for nothing.

  15. ghostrider888 15

    “what Key knows” resembles my toilet paper.

  16. Rogue Trooper 16

    that’s Modern Artifice for ya’.

  17. Gruntie 17


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    5 days ago
  • Speech to He Whenua Taurikura – New Zealand’s annual hui on countering terrorism and violent...
    Check against delivery Can I begin by acknowledging the 51 shuhada, their families and the Muslim community. It is because of the atrocious violent act that was done to them which has led ultimately to this, the start of a dialogue and a conversation about how we as a nation ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Cost of Government Southern Response proactive package released
    The Government has announced the proactive package for some Southern Response policyholders could cost $313 million if all those eligible apply. In December, the Minister Responsible for the Earthquake Commission, David Clark announced a proactive package for SRES claimants who settled their claims before October 2014. It trailed the judgment ...
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    6 days ago
  • First period products delivered to schools
    The first period products funded as part of the Government’s nationwide rollout are being delivered to schools and kura this week, as part of wider efforts to combat child poverty, help increase school attendance, and make a positive impact on children’s wellbeing. “We know that nearly 95,000 9-to-18 year olds ...
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    6 days ago
  • New support to reduce emissions from public building and construction projects
    Government agencies are getting new support to reduce carbon emissions generated by construction of new buildings, with the release of practical guidance to shape decisions on public projects. The Ministers for Building and Construction and for Economic Development say a new Procurement Guide will help government agencies, private sector suppliers, ...
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    6 days ago
  • He Whenua Taurikura: New Zealand’s first Hui on Countering Terrorism and Violent Extremism
    The Prime Minister has opened New Zealand’s first hui on Countering Terrorism and Violent Extremism, which is being held in Christchurch over the next two days. The hui delivers on one of the recommendations from the report of the Royal Commission of Inquiry into the terrorist attack on Christchurch masjidain ...
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    6 days ago
  • Speech to inaugural Countering Terrorism Hui
    E aku nui, e aku rahi, Te whaka-kanohi mai o rātou mā, Ru-ruku-tia i runga i te ngākau whakapono, Ru-ruku-tia i runga i te ngākau aroha, Waitaha, Ngāti Mamoe, Ngai Tahu, nāu rā te reo pohiri. Tena tātou katoa. Ki te kotahi te kakaho ka whati, ki te kapuia, e ...
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    6 days ago
  • Campaign shines a light on elder abuse
    A new campaign is shining a spotlight on elder abuse, and urging people to protect older New Zealanders. Launched on World Elder Abuse Awareness Day, the Office for Seniors’ campaign encourages friends, whānau and neighbours to look for the signs of abuse, which is often hidden in plain sight. “Research suggests ...
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    6 days ago
  • Farewelling sports administrator and philanthropist Sir Eion Edgar
    Sport and Recreation Minister Grant Robertson today expressed his sorrow at the passing of Sir Eion Edgar – a leading sports administrator and celebrated philanthropist who has made a significant impact both within and beyond the sport sector. “Sir Eion’s energy, drive and generosity has been truly immense. He leaves ...
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    1 week ago
  • Government to apologise for Dawn Raids
    The Government will make a formal apology for the wrongs committed during the Dawn Raids of the 1970’s. Between 1974 and 1976, a series of rigorous immigration enforcement policies were carried out that resulted in targeted raids on the homes of Pacific families. The raids to find, convict and deport overstayers ...
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    1 week ago
  • Humanitarian support for Bangladesh and Myanmar
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today announced that New Zealand is providing NZ $8.25 million in humanitarian assistance to support refugees and their host populations in Bangladesh and to support humanitarian need of internally displaced and conflict affected people in Myanmar.  “Nearly four years after 900,000 Rohingya crossed the border ...
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    1 week ago
  • Poroporoaki: Dame Georgina Kamiria Kirby
    E Te Kōkō Tangiwai, Te Tuhi Mareikura, Te Kākākura Pokai kua riro i a matou. He toka tū moana ākinga ā tai, ākinga ā hau, ākinga ā ngaru tūātea.  Haere atu rā ki te mūrau a te tini, ki te wenerau a te mano.  E tae koe ki ngā rire ...
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    1 week ago
  • Feedback sought on future of housing and urban development
    New Zealanders are encouraged to have their say on a long-term vision for housing and urban development to guide future work, the Housing Minister Megan Woods has announced. Consultation starts today on a Government Policy Statement on Housing and Urban Development (GPS-HUD), which will support the long-term direction of Aotearoa ...
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    1 week ago
  • Clean car package to drive down emissions
    New rebates for electric and plug-in hybrid vehicles start July 1 with up to $8,625 for new vehicles and $3,450 for used. Electric vehicle chargers now available every 75km along most state highways to give Kiwis confidence. Low Emission Transport Fund will have nearly four times the funding by 2023 ...
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    1 week ago
  • Progress towards simpler process for changing sex on birth certificates
    The Government is taking the next step to support transgender, non-binary and intersex New Zealanders, by progressing the Births, Deaths, Marriages and Relationships Registration Bill, Minister of Internal Affairs, Jan Tinetti announced today. “This Government understands that self-identification is a significant issue for transgender, non-binary and intersex New Zealanders, and ...
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    1 week ago
  • Crown speeds up engagement with takutai moana applicants
    The Crown is taking a new approach to takutai moana applications to give all applicants an opportunity to engage with the Crown and better support the Māori-Crown relationship, Treaty of Waitangi Negotiations Minister Andrew Little says. Following discussions with applicant groups, the Crown has reviewed the existing takutai moana application ...
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    1 week ago
  • Alcohol and Other Drug Treatment (AODT) Court opens
    The Minister of Justice, Kris Faafoi, and the Minister for Courts, Aupito William Sio, have welcomed the opening of a new Alcohol and Other Drug Treatment (AODT) Court in Hamilton. The AODT Court (Te Whare Whakapiki Wairua) addresses situations where substance abuse and offending are intertwined. “New Zealanders have told ...
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    1 week ago