Use your imagination for a moment; John Key playing a round of golf with some new mates.
Well, the first time we did this was on the lush fairways of the Helensville Golf Club. He introduced himself with a firm handshake and impressed everyone with his telegenic good-looks and eye-contact.
The conversation quickly moved to the foreign exchange situation and the mortgage squeeze in the US. We could tell that he understood money, especially the way his descriptions of the Tokyo trading floor were punctuated with lose change jangling in his pocket.
Then he displayed firm leadership as he advised another player in the group, Bill English, that he, not Bill, should tee off first. Bill seemed slightly affronted, given that he was already on the tee with his eight iron, but he quickly re-gathered himself to closely study the score card, which at this point had no scores entered!
John looked a picture as he approached the ball with extravagant practice swings and repetitive pointing down the fairway, as if to say, follow me. The par 3 tee shot was achieved with an exquisite arch, the Big Bertha bludgeoning the white ball will effortless power. John immediately turned to us and grinned as if to say, “beat that you bastards”!
Yes it was truly a salutary first taste of John’s magnificence. The ball had sailed effortlessly, more or less to where silly point stands in cricket, and hit a skinny manuka. We dived for cover as the ball ricocheted at right angles and came to rest perfectly in the middle of the fairway.
Bill quickly pulled out his score card and pencil as if ready to mark a score already.
What happened next? Does John share his golf cart with Bill, or does he leave him to carry his old Dipton Club bag? What happens when Maurice Williamson turns up in a shinny new golf cart when John’s cart tips over into a bunker? Stay tuned.