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List contest: Coping with redundancy stress

Written By: - Date published: 8:00 am, March 8th, 2012 - 43 comments
Categories: jobs, public services, scoundrels - Tags: , ,

The $340K contractors hired to show our diplomats the door have told them that, to cope with stress, they could pray, take a bath, or get a cat. What else do you think was on the list?:

  • Suggestion 4: Whistle while you don’t work…
  • Suggestion 12: Watch The Life of Brian. Sing along to Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
  • Suggestion 18: For the love of God, stop leaking to Phil Goff

43 comments on “List contest: Coping with redundancy stress”

  1. vto 1

    Pathetic. Reminds me of what it is like in Christchurch these days i.e. one must simply not do anything whatsoever without first getting outside consultants to tell one what to do. FFS, talk about doubled-up bullshit.

    Can’t grown people work out life’s basics anymore?

    And who is to say that these consultant types actually know any better?


    • muzza 1.1

      “And who is to say that these consultant types actually know any better?”

      They are not. They produce wonderful pretty pictures, at over $3k per day.

      This is corporate welfare!

  2. Bored 2

    Treasury (who would claim to have worked hard to do so) saved $380K last year in cuts…and then this bunch spend $340K of it on idiot consultants….no womnder under the brave and fearless leadership of Shonkey we are in the crap.

  3. Uturn 3

    John Key told David Shearer that he hasn’t “actually” seen anything that was paid for. Now there’s great financial management for you.

    In any case, the consultants are wrong. Cats love is conditional on territory and food. Now a cat’s hate, that is unconditional and somewhat instinctual. Some breeds of cat are completely nuts – like Burmese. Ever seen one of those get territorial on their owners? You have to kill them to stop them.

    Cats and the internet, I’m sure there is some kind of godwin-like law about that: As any discussion goes on, the likelihood of it mentioning cats, or the killing of cats, increases and from that point the hysteria begins until the discussion is forceably closed by moderators.

    • Tigger 3.1

      I have to admit Key’s cat remark annoyed me more than anything. Cat lover here and even I will admit they will cut you just for looking sideways at them. Unconditional love? Cats don’t love at all. It is beneath them.

      • rosy 3.1.1

        They can always get the cat, as advocated and supported by Mr Moonbeam and watch themselves being cut to shreds by the public calling them lying, cheating beneficiaries with too much money of they can afford the cat.

  4. r0b 4

    Suggestion 42: “It’s just life, they say.”

  5. Adrian 5

    Suggestion No 19. Take up an all consuming detestation of the National Party and work untiringly to ensure their defeat as soon as possible, in particular as penance for those who were stupid enough to vote for the lying bastards.

  6. Ianupnorth 6

    Ask Uncle Johnny if they can borrow his house in Hawaii so they can blow their redundancy on an exotic holiday, whilst pretending that they are a man who hasn’t got a clue?

  7. Tigger 7

    Suggestion 61: Close garage door. Get into car.  Turn on ignition. Wait.

  8. Joe Smith 8


    If they didn’t hire redundancy contractors you’d complain. They did; you complained. See a pattern?

    • Ianupnorth 8.1

      National government comes to power; jobs go in MAF, jobs go at the MoE, jobs go at MFAT, jobs go at the MoH…. 2500 more to go in the next year alone…
      See a pattern?

      • Colonial Viper 8.1.1

        Wow National might save another $20M in total, once all their consulting mates are paid.

        • Hami Shearlie

          No CV, that twenty mill will be used for Mr Moonbeam Key’s consultants!

    • Vicky32 8.2

      If they didn’t hire redundancy contractors you’d complain. They did; you complained. See a pattern?

      Lolwut? What are redundancy consultants for? What are they supposed to do? Nothing useful, it would seem…

  9. grumpy 9

    Redundancy is a bastard of a thing. Over 20 years ago, I worked for a large organisation in a very senior role. I survived 7 restructurings, all made by an incompetent management to give the illusion of progress.

    It became popular with senior managers to get rid of those below them who might be able to do the manager’s job. This created a void where the senior manager’s position was solidified against further restructurings.

    We actually had a Human Resources Manager who joked about “shooting people”.

    In the end I didn’t know anyone who I was working with and all the talented people I had spent years working with had gone. Some never worked again, a very few went on to higher things, a few committed suicide.

    There was a half arsed single session of “counselling” offered. None of those who survived well through the redundancy went to it.

    When my turn came at restrructuring #8, I decided never to work for anyone ever again and set up my own business. I have never looked back.

    The ONLY way to survive redundancy is to Harden Up. Realise that nobody is going to look after you but yourself – and look for opportunities to actually start doing what you may like.

    • Uturn 9.1

      We could start at birth, grumpy, harden those babies up. No breast feeding, no clothing, just put them to work on fishing boats up norf as bait. Harden those little buggers up!

      • grumpy 9.1.1

        ..cardboard box, middle of the road……….?

        You are right – in a way. When things like this happen, reality bites. That reality tells you that in the end the only person who is really 100% on your side is you.

        • vto

          Agreed to a large extent mr grumpy. Losing your place in the world and your ability to provide for those dependent on you is heinous. It is one of those things that must be experienced to be understood. A bit like childbirth, or war, or marriage, or … well, many things. It is completely demoralising. Shakes to the core. Lonely at the top and lonely at the bottom. As mr puddle says, the cost is ridiculous if calculated completely and across the spectrum.

        • Blighty

          if the human project is, in the end, a striving for utopia, I’m not sure I want to get to grumpy’s.

          • grumpy

            I symathise but I think across all the political spectrum there is a realisation that Utopia is getting further away…………………………….

            Never hurts to be a realist.

    • insider 9.2

      Sounds like Telecom.

      I knew people there who went through dozens of restructurings under Rod Deane – every few months. Very unsettling but that was his way of aligning the business with a changing market.

      • grumpy 9.2.1

        close but no cigar

      • Puddleglum 9.2.2

        I knew people there who went through dozens of restructurings under Rod Deane – every few months. Very unsettling but that was his way of aligning the business with a changing market.

        I think we’re all aware of the human, financial and efficiency costs involved in repeated, constant restructuring and redundancies.

        So, what were the benefits of Telecom’s constant restructuring strategy (to align “the business with a changing market”) and to whom, in particular, did they accrue? (To customers? To managers? To owners?)

        • grumpy

          Call me cynical Puddles but I don’t think they achjieved bugger all.

          The old story –
          “How do you get a successful small business?”

          “Get a successful big company and give it to someone with an MBA”

          I am sure that in my entrprise’s case it only gave the illusion of progress while allowing sociopaths to let rip their tendencies.

          • Puddleglum

            the illusion of progress

            That pretty much sums it up.

            Whether it’s in business or politics, we’re always being told by the ‘big boys’ that our pain is for the greater good – it’s bad enough having relatively little power without being patronised to boot.

            • grumpy

              Howver, it was a very fast learning curve for me. The culture of corporate change is infectious and I was good at it. Introduction of IT and Financial system was at the cutting edge – we were cowboys. Just the few sociopaths at the top destroyed the whole thing.

              A very seductive time but I would not be where I am today without going through the good and bad parts.

        • insider

          It was a form follows function thing. It was a time when Vf was very aggressive in the market and Clear, and new players emerging, plus a lot of intelligence being tacked onto the network and new services buit more importantly the internet was beginning to take off. He believed that the company structure had to reflect the company objectives but the market was changing so quickly that you couldn’t sit still. I think he took a very intellectual approach, in the sense that it could appear things were almost done in the abstract. He pushed a corporate accountability ethos where people were given power to get on and do – 123 operators could give away $200 in services almost without question. He didn’t believe in management training courses – you learnt by doing.

    • muzza 9.3

      “Realise that nobody is going to look after you but yourself”

      Society has become a bunch of dicks…you are one of them!

      • grumpy 9.3.1

        Are you saying that I am wrong? Perhaps the socialist utopia you still believe in is impossible to attain?

        We live in the present and must survive in the conditions that exist.

        • muzza

          “We live in the present and must survive in the conditions that exist.”

          Society has become a bunch of heartless, creativeless, disconnected dicks…you are one of them!

          • grumpy

            Fucking bullshit. In the last 20 years I have employed dozens of people. The average time they stay is over 9 years – not bad for private sector. I pay way above the going rate and include significant profit sharing.
            One thing I learnt way back then is what not to do to people. I am sorry if my attitude upsets your quaint idea about life but it works for me and those who work for me.

            • Uturn

              Quaint idea of life? Oh grumpy, now you’re letting your cynicism get in the way of reality. Reality is not an extrapolation of pessimism mixed with misery. Nothing good happened to you? Ever? You predicted each and every event of your life? Condescension only reveals your distress, though I’m sure it’ll pass, if your personality is as you describe it.

              The idea that life is struggle is a self-fulfilling myth. If you believe it, you’ll find it. If you don’t believe it, anything may happen and nothing will last forever. But remember, if you reinforce that life is misery and struggle and a sociopath hears you, you’ll become his victim without even realising it. The only way to combat those you describe at the top is to live true realism – process and give up the pain of experience. It is the art of living: simultaneously knowing what is likely, but also knowing that you don’t know for sure what will happen next and life changes the game whenever it wants. Holding on to truisms based on experience just makes your world one rule smaller each time you form them and is an expression of conceit, as if we were gods ourselves.

              • grumpy

                Dork, you have no idea about me. Sure I’m a bit more cynical than some – and I’ve developed a low tolerance for dickheads – especially those in suits.

                Because I have the financial security that I never had as an employee, I have lots of good things happen to me and many times have been able to make good things happen to others.

                I expect nothing from taxpayers, indeed it’s the other way my tax bill would make your eyes water.

                • jimgreen

                  Lady luck is certainly on your side grumpy.

                  How much of your personal achievements you attribute to you own hard work or to simple good luck is a pretty good test of left/right orientation.

                  Come across many people you think would never make it in business? They are the unlucky ones and wage work is ultimately (and unfortunately) the destiny of many people.

                  Reducing the effect of luck on life chances is what I believe to be one of the key parts of being left-leaning. Education and healthcare are two prime examples of where luck has almost everything to do with it and the job is making sure that luck has as little influence as possible.

                  Being born ‘on to it’ enough to be in your position is a trait many people would appreciate having themselves i bet. Count yourself lucky!

          • Anne

            Society has become a bunch of heartless, creativeless, disconnected dicks…

            Add to that… selfish, self centred, ignorant, brainwashed twerps. 🙂

    • Vicky32 9.4

      The ONLY way to survive redundancy is to Harden Up. Realise that nobody is going to look after you but yourself – and look for opportunities to actually start doing what you may like.

      Harden up? Some people aren’t constitutionally able to do that, and others (such as me) would simply say “what does that even mean?”

      • grumpy 9.4.1

        Maybe, I’m just passing on my observations and what happenned many years ago to a lot of people I liked and how they coped.

        Redundancy is probably harder on those higher up the ladder – perhaps. It is an extremely stressful time and one can either become a “victim”or get stuck in.

    • rosy 9.5

      Realise that nobody is going to look after you but yourself – and look for opportunities to actually start doing what you may like.

      We did that too, after a time. And did very well, but had only just got to the stage of hiring and almost all of the work was international contracts. The trouble was, one of us got sick and you can’t have someone traipsing off all over the world when the other is housebound. So that was that. Sometimes things just don’t work out.

      There are lots of people that do try the SME route but the success rate is not high – not that many people have both the skill-set and the market position to make it successful, nor do they have the appetite for risk when things get tough. It’s a tough road, so good on you, but have a thought for those who work better in the employee game – where would you be without them?

  10. Uturn 10

    Three in a row. How nice. Now did anyone think that would happen next? No.

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