- Date published:
7:06 am, November 24th, 2012 - 37 comments
Categories: Environment - Tags: mark unsworth, satire
Hot on the heels of his bold stand against environmental scientists, uber-lobbyist Mark Unsworth has come out swinging against the police and crown law over their unpatriotic highlighting of crime in New Zealand.
“Look, as my good friend John Key will tell you perception is reality and right now the perception of New Zealand is that we’re a nation of friendly hobbit-like folk. But by publicly prosecuting and convicting these middle-earthians the police and Crown Law are shitting all over that perception.
“And while we’re at it I’ve a bone to pick with those bastards at the department of statistics with their “facts” and “figures” – they need to get with the programme and realise that facts are for dinosaurs. And look how things turned out for them, eh, eh? Like I said to my old mate Wayne Eagleson while we were in Vegas – those pointy-headed number-crunching traitors would be better off turning their hand to the real science of focus group testing.”
When asked by the Standard whether he denied the materiality of existence Unsworth replied “I refute it thus” before putting his fingers in his ears and chanting “nyh nyh nyh I can’t hear you… Now if you’ll excuse me I have to send an angry email to my Doctor – the treacherous bastard’s trying to claim it’s the cognac that’s giving me gout without conducting any market research at all, not even an online preferences survey!”
Here’s the article in the NYT if you’re interested, the one Unsworth is whining at Mike Joy about. Seems like the word is out.
Criticism like that could be an incentive to clean up our rivers.
Sure, it could be but what we got was the RWNJs whinging about scientists again. You’d have thought that they’d have learned that that doesn’t work too well when John Key tried the same thing on the Hard Talk interview.
Could be, should be, But under Key Won’t be.
No they just want the money coined from the image of clean green New Zealand. They certainly are not interested in spending money on caring for the environment. If the reality doesn’t match the hype – cover it up and shoot the messenger.
Maybe if we all put our blinkers on like Unsworth recommends, everything will be OK, and tourists won’t notice that half our waterways are putrid.
I expect ads any day now telling us that pollution is magical poop left by wizards and hobbits and of no danger to anyone.
Of course. Saruman had his own PR crew lead by Wormtongue. It never ceases to amaze me that Kiwis forget The Scouring of the Shire. Wake up little hobbits.
Hilarious Tigger. Thanks for giving me a continuous chuckle today. Your comment is up there with Imperator Fish’ and his “Transcript Of Labour Party Caucus Meeting.”
Thanks too to Irish Bill for his brilliant post which, for me, began some uproarious moments. Nothing like laughter to lift the spirits.
Hi Irish Bill.
I love a bit of satire .Not quite up to the standard of DimPost but quite funny
Cheers Mark – hope that gout clears up.
oops that was satire?
Probably above your head. I’ll make sure I put a fart joke in the next one just for you.
I also got a fair way into it before realising these were unlikely to be genuine quotes – but that’s more of a reflection on right-wing political lobbyists than on Irish Bill.
Its in the interests of big media to peddle crime stats out of proportion because them it increases fear of crime and so the big media program selectors job becomes oh so much easier, selecting wall to wall crime dramas, police cop shows, its called 1984, the manual for the modern media baron (and his public taxpayer funded counterpart). NZ is not a democratic nation, just look at the dictatorial powers in ChCh, the lack of accountability where the minister for mines gets an effective promotion less work same wages, same title, Minister. Our government, still in rapture over neo-liberalism break it and do away with it governance, is now signing us up to a global free trade scheme that is neither capitalism or empowering to markets but hands away sovereign rights to a few global nexuses of corporate power. Worse, the whole world economy is shifting down a quantum of gears due to peaking and then fast decline of petroleum, and these uber geniuses are hidden away from the light, supping on a now discredited economic paradigm, signing us up to trade terms for the foreseeable future. Free trade as presented is castrated capitalism.
And don’t forget the looming competition between the USA and China for Pacific resources and economic/political advantage. NZ will be stuck right in the middle of two very powerful adversaries, and we will have to be careful.
The only solution to that is a declaration of neutrality and building up our defences. But I don’t think either this government or a Labour led government will do that. Instead they’ll continue to try to kiss arse.
In general, agree. However, we’re also a country located at the end of long, imperially sourced and protected supply chains. Some slight and smart measure of kissing arse is going to be necessary.
Unsworth’s email was pretty astonishing. Given its tone and time of sending, i can only assume he was tired and emotional when he sent it.
As Hooton might put it, Unsworth is dramatising.
Attention seeking on whose behalf and how much this time?
And what was he when he stood by it?
An odious bully. He could use a dose of his own medicine.
I wonder how Caltex, British Gas and Air New Zealand like being associated with this bully. Perhaps they need to reconsider their position in the light of Mr. Unsworth’s intemperate and unwise attack on Dr. Joy.
Perhaps we could help them reconsider.
Nice to see Mr Joy drawing another one of the environmental criminals out.
This guy will be lucky to have a job late next week, he’s let his emotions run away with him in public, this is not the kind of publicity his masters will like I suspect.
Indeed. I expect the Greens and Labour will demand vigorously that this corporate thug or any of his associates no longer has access to the corridors of our democracy’s parliament.
I think that they would consider their money well spent. Not only does Unsworth epitomise the corporate groupthink, he has a personalised swipe card that lets him past the Beehive security to ‘lobby’ any MP he thinks he can manipulate in his paymaster’s interests.
I wonder how long that will last now Saunders Unsworth are a by-word for drunken bullying.
Russell Brown’s spin on propaganda 360 degrees
As the farmers increased their output after 1984, so did the run off of nitrogen and the increase in pollution due to an increase from around 3 mil cattle to 4.2 mil Dairy Cows and 5.2 Mil Dairy Cattle. These are 2007 figures, so today’s figures could be higher. Also unnoticed: Deer farming has increased stock from 150 000 to 1.6 Mil. Deer is a pest animal in NZ. Native Forests are invaluable and yet at best only some 20% of NZ land has still coverage.
It is not difficult to see why the water ways are polluted and why greenhouse emissions have sharply increased. Even if there are no people in NZ this would have happened under the current land use.
These are facts known by people who are interested in biology, nature etc. However, for a tourist it is more important to have clean water to drink, swim and enjoy whilst tramping especially when on tour with children.
Perhaps Mr Joy’s timing and use of media outlet can be debated but in the end it will not change perception. Most people outside NZ are aware and do compare environmental records.
What a nasty bit of work. He certainly seems to represent the views of “the business community”.
NZild you’re standing in it.
Scientist labeled traitor by influential parliamentary lobbyist.
Who are the real traitors to this country, those who pollute New Zealand’s environment and the lobbyists paid by them to pressure MPs to ignore it?
Or, those who whose duty it is to expose it?
Is Mark Unsworth the sort of lobbyist that David Shearer gets the idea from, that it is better to be a climate change ignorer than stand up to, the not insignificant pressure that such people exert on MPs?
For sending defamatory and reputation damaging email attacking Dr Mike Joy, – Parliamentary lobbyist, Mark Unsworth should have his parliamentary swipe card taken off him. If it is not, then a serious complaint needs to be made to parliament and the speaker demanding that this unelected individual’s special privileges to enter our democratic parliament to secretly lobby and pressure MPs, be ended forthwith.
>Is Mark Unsworth the sort of lobbyist that David Shearer gets the idea from, that it is better to be a climate change ignore than stand up to<
Shearer has Climate Change down at 24th on his list of priorities, is Unsworth pissing in his pocket as well?
With Shearer promoting more growth via housing etc, clearly David is listening to Mark.
We are screwed ……. and in 3-5 years we should all realize it.
FFS people! Look at the state of the guy! Why is this an issue? Why do people give it credibility?! at the outset. Are we (NZers) THAT thick? Makes me want to hibernate – I guess we are that thick – after all we elected Phill Stein es Proim Minsta en BulInglsh es depyadee en Jer es champeen fa De-mockerysee in Kentabree
We are unsworthy
And re elected them so yes we are that thick, can’t wait for the folk of AKL to vote in a RWNJ like fletcher, brewer or the like next super mayor contest. It seems as inevitable as day following night.
Inevitable as Len Brown condoning anti-union attacks on MUNZ by Ports of Auckland.
Inevitable as National refusing funding to Auckland as revenge for not voting for Banks and privatization.
If the pro-privatisation crowd had got in their would have been any amount of funding to make the privatised assets more profitable for the buyers.