Caption Competition

Written By: - Date published: 1:00 pm, April 24th, 2015 - 114 comments
Categories: caption contest, social media lolz, uncategorized, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags: , ,

John Key Kate Middleton

114 comments on “Caption Competition”

  1. Capn Insano 1

    “You do *what* with a bath, custard and a diving costume with the bottom cut out?”

  2. Puckish Rogue 2

    “Guess what”
    “what?”
    “Nationals still 47% in the polls according to Roy Morgan”
    “No way!”
    “Way, oh and nice hair”

    🙂

    • swordfish 2.1

      (1) 45.5%, not 47% (as you yourself acknowledged just a couple of hours ago here… /open-mike-24042015/#comment-1004827 …how strange that you’d suddenly add a phantom 1.5 points).
      Lowest Nat support level in quite some time.

      (2) Roy Morgan concludes an election today would be “too close to call”.

      (3) Conducted, of course, before the latest bizarre scandal.

      Still, amusing to see you clutching at straws 🙂

      • Puckish Rogue 2.1.1

        Sorry force of habit with National I guess 🙂

        “Guess what”
        “what?”
        “Labours dropped to 27.5% in the polls according to Roy Morgan”
        “No way!”
        “Way, oh and nice hair”

        🙂

    • ankerawshark 2.2

      Pukish rogue………………Good god man! You still want National to be high in the polls when they are lead by a man with a pony tail fetish who just can’t keep it under control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What does this tell us about you?

      • Puckish Rogue 2.2.1

        That i don’t judge someone with a mental illness as harshly as you? For shame ankerawshark for shame

        • ankerawshark 2.2.1.1

          It depends on the mental illness. Psychopathy, anti social personality disorder, sexual disorder such as fetishism…………………..not so sure I judge them, just want to stay clear of them and I certainly don’t want someone running the country with one of the above!!!!!! Less judgemental of the above if they seek out treatment and try and contain their problem rather than inflicting it on others.

          • Brendon Harre 2.2.1.1.1

            People this is not a mental health issue -I am a psychiatric nurse.

            John Key was acting in a way consistent with being a dick, a dork, a kindergarten bully, an attention seeking teenager who lacks social skills to attract the opposite sex or someone who tries too hard for everybody to love him.

            Another possibility being John Key was pissed off and physically teased the waitress because she did not show him the ‘love’ that he expects. Maybe the waitress didn’t like John before the hair pulling had started, maybe she was professional to him while the other staff went along with his ‘horsing around’ and John wasn’t going to let her get away with that so started the pony tail pulling.

            Whatever it was, it was John Keys behaviour and he was responsible for it. There is no excuses, certainly not that John Key was mentally ill.

            • ankerawshark 2.2.1.1.1.1

              Hi Brendon,

              I think you are spot on and this is one of the best analysis I have heard so far.

              Key is likely use to sycophantant behaviour and likely Amanda didn’t respond in this way to him, but kept it civil and professional. So she became a target for him “Iam going to make you love me” comes to mind…………….pathetic and sickening.

              JK is certainly responsible for his own behaviour as most people with a mental illness are (unless they are acutely psychotic).

              I do think this need of his to be “loved and admired” and not getting this bothered him enough to harass the waitress into compliance. Except, she wasn’t going to comply. Good on you Amanda

        • te reo putake 2.2.1.2

          “That i don’t judge someone with a mental illness as harshly as you? ”

          An interesting acknowledgement there, PR. If someone as devoted to Team Blue as you is prepared to publicly claim the PM is mentally ill, howdya reckon the voters are seeing it?

          • Puckish Rogue 2.2.1.2.1

            Well heres the latest poll from Roy Morgan:

            http://www.roymorgan.com/findings/6187-roy-morgan-new-zealand-voting-intention-april-2015-201504230106

            But seriously I think the rabid Key supports will cancel out the rabid Key haters and the rest of NZ that don’t really care won’t worry about it that much, like his comments on pink shirts or mincing down a cat walk

            • te reo putake 2.2.1.2.1.1

              Well, I know I’ve said this before … but wait until the next one 😉 That RM reflects the country over the last couple of weeks, including a by-election bounce for Winnie. And it still has the opposition bloc in a strong position.

              I’m guessing the likes of Reid Research and Curia will be on the phones as we speak doing a round of unscheduled ‘preferred PM’ polling. That’s where the hit will be felt first.

              PS. I have a new slogan for Labour: Sure we’ve been pretty average, but at least we’re not weirdos.

  3. Clemgeopin 3

    “ What a tantalising lock of hair you have, Katy! Deviant older men don’t pull it do they? No. That’s good. We don’t want that to happen, do we!”

  4. joe90 4

    Gimme head with hair
    Long beautiful hair
    Shining, gleaming,
    Streaming, flaxen, waxen

    Give me down to there hair
    Shoulder length or longer
    Here baby, there mama
    Everywhere daddy daddy

    • Puckish Rogue 4.1

      🙂

    • Unicus 4.2

      Walking along Mt Eden Rd a while back behind a group of middle aged guys going to a game at Eden park . Festooned with fashionably ” isis black ” flags – suddenly – and apparently oblivious of small children and old ladies also sharing the footpath one dropped his trackies and did a brown-eye for his mates following behind – enough to make a gynecologist puke.

      Oh the hilarity ! having not attended a rugby game since the National Party instigated civil war of 1981 Id forgotten what fun it must be to be out with the boys (sic) abandoned to the prerogatives of brainless mate-ship.

      So John think about what real men are doing next time you’r horsing around at Rosie’s drop those designer jeans – hey why not really test your popularity and choke a number on the magazine rack while you’re at it- you can always blame Bronagh !!

  5. oarSum 5

    What will two bottles of red wine get me?

  6. BLiP 6

    Oh, yeah, on the world stage I’m a real joker, love to relax and horse around, can’t be serious all the time, gotta have a laugh otherwise, well, you know, and ackshully do you know what? I once told everyone my wife looked like a Hobbit when standing next to Michelle Obama. Somehow neither Bronagh or Michelle thought that was hilarious, but everyone else cracked up. It was great. Almost as good as the cannibal joke I told about Maori, talk about shit-yourself-funny, it was EPIC. But enough about me. How are you? I love what you’re doing with your hair. Do you happen to know Liz Hurley at all?

  7. No, I don’t believe I’ve seen ‘Something about Mary’. Why do you ask?

    Guava, balsam and a little kiwifruit. Why do you ask?

    It’s woven out of possum, you say?

  8. Pasupial 8

    “Love the hair – give us a tug.”

  9. rawshark-yeshe 9

    I might be a party pooper. I don’t think this caption competition is appropriate especially in the current climate. Can’t articulate why just yet … but it seems to be minimalising the issues and making them seem ok ? Kind of like when somebody says ” I know it’s a bit racist, but this joke is really funny” and I ask them not to continue. Racism is never funny. And maybe this sexism shouldn’t be either.

    • BLiP 9.2

      Hmmm . . . pause for thought. Thank you, rawshark-yeshe.

      Reminder to Self: Just pause for a moment and have a wee think before jumping into a potential Dog Pile.

      • rawshark-yeshe 9.2.1

        Thx Blip — and I promise no Dog Pile from me ! I thought your caption was very clever and funny, but then I realized none of it can be truly funny. Like racism. None of it ever can be. And I thought hard before posting .. Bailey and Billingsley and millions of unseen others made me do it.

        Reminder to self: try not to leave dog piles for others to step into.

    • Murray Rawshark 9.3

      If you feel uncomfortable, I’d say that’s enough. You have good instincts.

  10. swordfish 10

    Key: “Come on, Girly, just give your Old Uncle John a quick thrill ! Oh come on, now, I just want to cop a quick feel !, where’s the harm in that ? I’ve got some sweeties in my pockets”

  11. cogito 11

    Kate: “Sleazebag”.
    Key: “That’s what they all say”.

  12. ankerawshark 12

    KEY: “I’d like to horse around with your pony”

    KATE: …………….the expression says it all

  13. Clemgeopin 13

    “Would your eyes pop out in shock if I confess I am not fond of brazilians?”

  14. joe90 14

    Come to me, my own, my love, myyy preccccccciiiouuuussss…..

  15. Change the flag to a ponytail, you say? How very interesting.

    No, I will not get you a latte even if you do call me Princess!

    No, I hadn’t heard of that practice. And you say it’s called a Hoskings? Frightfully good!

  16. and even after she asked you to stop you kept touching her hair in a creepy abusive way – what the hell are you?

  17. Potato 17

    Kate’s thought bubble – “People in New Zealand actually vote for this guy?”

  18. cogito 18

    Kate: “galloping colonial clot”.

  19. amirite 19

    “Happy to see you Your Royal Highness, that’s a hair tie in my pocket,”

  20. b waghorn 20

    Get your hand off there!!

  21. rod 21

    Hi, if you like fun, banter, horsing around and hair pulling. I’m your man.

  22. Can’t say I’m in favour of this caption contest. Sure it’s all a bit of good fun but at it’s core it’s still joking about a serious, harmful form of harassment. And I suspect the bulk of people participating have never had to worry about people in their workplace casually treating them like sexual objects, and don’t appreciate what a viscerally unpleasant topic this is for many.

    • felix 22.1

      Agree it’s minimising.

    • swordfish 22.2

      Fair enough. Must admit I had a few qualms after posting my caption. Probably should have deleted. Don’t really want to make light of an unpleasant issue.

    • BLiP 22.3

      Hmmmm . . . rawshark-yeshe said the same sort of thing. I was wondering if it was just a bit too soon but, yeah, it is joking about sexual assault, victim blaming, workplace safety, human rights abuses, and a scantily clad operation across the MSM being run by John Key’s Dirty Politics Machine.

      Interesting dillemma, though. The worker is a hero and there is much cause for everyone to be grateful to her, even John Key. It is essential that this matter be treated seriously and the delivery of whatever justice the worker requires is prompt, fulsome and complete. But what about ensuring momentum? For what ever reason, this display of John Key’s character has had real cut through across the spectrum. This issue could do so much good for so long, especially it an eternal source for universally enjoyed mockery. Does this process have to result in a minimisation of the wider situation? How else can John Key mocked without reference to this crime?

      • rawshark-yeshe 22.3.1

        Maybe it’s a little to do with power .. and I am still thinking deeply about this.

        For example only, if the competition had been for things we wish Amanda Bailey had been able to say or do to Key, would that be ok ? My first thought is yes, but am still working through why.

        And trying not to step in dog pile. And Blip .. I agree. It is vital we can keep oxygen flowing to all of this.

      • phillip ure 22.3.2

        that is what is hurting key the most at the moment..

        ..that the world is essentially laughing at him..

        ..and the more fuel on that fire..the better…

        ..and i don’t think that doing this minimises the underlying issues..

        ..in any way..

        ..in fact this is just part of an unfolding theme of awareness (finally!) of how screwed over/abused the lowest-paid are..(c.f. widespread revulsion at zero hour contracts..)

        ..satire/piss-taking has long been an effective weapon against the powerful and corrupt..

        ..a tool to hold them to account..

        ..and calls to stop that satire/piss-taking chill the blood..

        • rawshark-yeshe 22.3.2.1

          agree. but what if we are satirising the wrong target ? nowhere do i suggesxt not doing it.

        • Chooky 22.3.2.2

          pu +100…”satire/piss-taking has long been an effective weapon against the powerful and corrupt”

          ….i dont think it is minimising the topic…more like role playing empathising…and exploring the permutations around it…far better than hiding it away…and laughter is good medicine

          …absolutely anyone can be subject to offensive innuendo, harassment, bullying, false accusations, sexual harassment, assault …even guys ….by other guys or by women in positions of power

          …and I am one who once was subject to sexual harassment in the workplace by a ‘boss’ who i considered and still consider dangerous , so I sure as hell don’t minimise it! …and I have nothing but admiration for Amanda Bailey for bringing it out into the light of day!

      • Clemgeopin 22.3.3

        Amanda Bailey, the waitress, likened John Key’s behaviour to “school yard bullying” and said she felt powerless and humiliated.

        In the wake of the revelations, many prominent people and groups have weighed in, mostly in defence of Ms Bailey and ridiculing the Prime Minister.

        Political analyst Bryce Edwards told TV ONE’s Breakfast programme yesterday that Mr Key may struggle to recover from damages incurred by his ponytail tugging.

        “A lot of people will be laughing at John Key, that’s harder to recover from,” Mr Edwards said.

        link here,
        http://tvnz.co.nz/national-news/john-key-hopes-retain-happy-go-lucky-nature-in-wake-ponytail-saga-6299208 .

        • Chooky 22.3.3.1

          Clem +100…”“A lot of people will be laughing at John Key, that’s harder to recover from,” Mr Edwards said.”

  23. Sutton's li'l helper 23

    “Ever been to a ‘princess party’ Kate”?

  24. Stickler 24

    Key meets Locks.

  25. ianmac 25

    “Kate. Umm. Kate. When you get your lovely smooth sensuous hair cut next time, can I have the cuttings to stroke in my hidden place? Please?”

  26. key:..’would you like to come and see my little pony collection..?

    ..i’ll let you brush them’..

  27. key:..

    ‘can i ask what conditioner you use in your (gulp!) hair..?’

  28. key:..

    ‘would you like me to plait that for you..?’

    • Chooky 28.1

      Kate: “No !…fuck off!…lay one pudgy finger on my hair and I will smite your head off with my special knighting sword”

      …” I am going to tell my Mother-in -law on you!…just you wait”

  29. cogito 29

    Key: “Well Kate, it’s pretty simple ackshually. You either let me have a feel or I’ll change the NZ flag…. And it’ll be bye bye royals…. HAHAHA”.

  30. cogito 30

    Kate: “Mr Keylusconi, I presume”.
    Key: “Bring on the punga punga party!”

  31. Planet Earth 31

    So it is just a bit of banter, right? just checking

  32. Adrian 32

    “Ooooh, thats a lovely HEAD of hair Queen Kate”
    “Touch it , and you’ll lose yours! “.

    I wish.

  33. Clemgeopin 33

    “Hey, Kate, would your eyes pop out if I were to tell you that I have had a vasectomy done on myself? “

  34. sckiwireddevil 34

    Key; ”I’m a cross-dresser, don’t you know”.

  35. key:..

    ‘say sorry to yr mum-in-law..eh..?..for me pulling her hair when i was staying there..eh..?..’

  36. Jiminy Cricket 36

    Key sprouts blonde mullet

  37. fender 37

    “Yeah, I’m a pretty sick guy, so I’ll be emptying out the shower-trap before you board the airplane”

  38. Tel 38

    Kate never got the memo, “You might not want to invite him around to lunch.”

  39. Chooky 39

    Jeezuz what a good picture !…i can think of all sorts of things for the dialogue box….but I won’t say them!

  40. Walk Away 40

    Kate: “Security if he touches my hair shoot him.”

    or

    Kate to Key: “Yes I am more important, powerful and richer than you but NO! I will not touch your hair your little creep.”

    or

    Key to self “Hair goes the knighthood.”

    or

    Kate: “Do that again and you will find out why we still have Trident”

  41. Chooky 41

    Message to John Key:

    “Ride your own pony!”

    ( someone said this was a joke doing the rounds in South Auckland)

  42. Clemgeopin 42

    ” Katy, Would your eyes pop out if I were to show a bit of happy-go-lucky horsing around with much jolly banter and do a quick hair-pulling prank on that irresistible lock of hair of yours? I don’t normally ask permission, but you are so special!”

  43. Treetop 43

    So your the new court jester John. I do not find you to be amusing at all.

  44. fender 44

    “Some people think my wife’s a greenie cos I won’t let her shave her legs”

  45. Incognito 45

    “I bet you’d be a lovely Lady Godiva”

  46. Clemgeopin 46

    ” I am looking forward to my visit to Turkey, princes. A penny for your guess!”

    http://liberation.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451d75d69e201bb0822093f970d-800wi

  47. linda 47

    creepykey to, ” rapunzel rapunzel may i pull your hair”

  48. david 48

    My next goal is to pull the ponytail of a Royal. How about it Kate?

  49. david 49

    JK looks like he has his own grey ponytail!

    • Chooky 49.1

      yes…does this mean he is wearing a wig toupee hair piece?…because the fringe at the neck is not the same colour as the top mat!

      …maybe Winston should challenge him and Peter Dunne to a duel …a wig pulling contest to see whose hair is really really real

      ….I reckon Winston’s is real and Peter Dunne’s is real ….but I suspect that Jonkey’s wig would go flying

  50. Alpha z 50

    dont b afraid of me the big bad wolf. only want to put finger in yur luvrly hair

    ~ nah, fok off kreep!

  51. Joy Clark 51

    “May I pull your…. finger your Royal Highness….? I have been advised to change tack somewhat aye…..”

  52. Neil 52

    You want to do WHAT???
    I somehow think your wife & my husband would be utterly disgusted.

  53. Clemgeopin 53

    “Hey, Kate, would your eyes pop out if I were to tell you that my wife refers to herself as ‘Stud-Screwer’?….Oops! your eyes did pop out!, ha,ha! What a lot of fun and banter I am having!”

    [ John Key tells UN ambassadors about how Bronagh filed a tax-return with stud-screwer as her occupation!
    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11436771 ]

  54. Clemgeopin 54

    Kate : In UK we love to go hare hunting.
    J Key : In NZ, I do too and I’m the top dog!
    Kate : (Confused and eyes pop out) What!?

  55. rod 55

    Hello I’m John Key, It must be a great thrill for you to meet me.

  56. The Real Matthew 56

    Kate: So the major opposition party in your country is led by someone who came 3rd in a caucus vote?

  57. Chooky 57

    Kate: “You should join a pony club…on second thoughts maybe not!”

  58. weka 58

    Thanks Stephanie and yeshe, I also feel uncomfortable about this post and thread.

  59. Alpha z 59

    prinsuss, i got 2 films for u to see. ull luv them. hot hot as!

    ~ https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Key+pony+tail
    ~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6WUYzLaEOo&feature=player_detailpage

    [lprent: despite the tone. This is not spam. ]

  60. SMILIN 60

    “You want to do what? Im a married woman “

  61. cogito 61

    Kate: do you support the TPP?
    Key: but of course, Kate. Not only do I support it, I am it – The Ponytail Puller.

  62. Murray Rawshark 62

    This is also not my favourite post of all time. I’m not 100% sure why, but possibly because the power differential at the heart of Key’s assault on Amanda Bailey is not present in this picture.

    • I’ve been thinking about it a bit, too, Murray. For me, I agree the photo does ignore Amanda Bailey, but that’s because it’s focussing on the fallout, not the incident. It’s looking at an aspect of what this means for Key, which is international humiliation.

      This is a guy who makes a big deal about how he’s BFF’s with world leaders and royalty. But I’m betting if he ever gets to play golf with Barack Obama again, the Secret Service will be watching him like a hawk if the Obama girls are within stroking distance. Key’s forever going to be that weird guy from New Zealand; the Perve Minister, The Prime Molester etc.

    • Chooky 62.2

      as i see it this post is all about taking the mickey out of John Key

      …it is John key who should be feeling uncomfortable because he looks like an inappropriate creep around woman…looks like even female royalty are astounded and have their doubts about him!

      … if anything all the comments here are supporting the heroic stand of Amanda Bailey against Jonkey’s abuse of power and creepy behaviour

      …most unbecoming of New Zealand’s Prime Minister!…or any Prime Minister in the civilised world….

  63. cogito 63

    Kate: Her Majesty has been informed of your proclivities, Mr Key.
    Key: Well, Kate I am honoured. So far I’ve only done it with a waitress and a couple of kids, but doing it with Her Majesty… well, that has been my dream ever since I was small boy growing up in a little state house in Christchurch with my Austrian mother working three jobs….

  64. alwyn 64

    Kate. What ever happened to that peculiar man Cunliffe we were forced to be polite to last year?
    Key. He got a bit carried away with his fantasies. His peccadillos were like those of your husband’s uncle, Prince Andrew. At least David’s wife came to her senses and dumped him.
    Kate. Really. I thought he was a creep but I didn’t realise he was that bad.

    • Chooky 64.1

      @alwyn…obviously this post is getting to you because you are trying to undermine David Cunliffe….no one is fooled

      • alwyn 64.1.1

        Me, undermining David Cunliffe?
        I thought he did a pretty good job of that himself without any help from anyone else.
        Did you see the way that the Labour Party poll support dropped steadily every month that he was the leader?
        Anyway, why bother. He is like last week’s newspaper. Good only for wrapping up the rubbish and dumping it into the bin.

    • Murray Rawshark 64.2

      That’s just sick garbage. Andrew’s peccadillos are alleged to include sex with an underage woman. It’s not the Labour Party you should be looking at for that. Even so, the woman in question was a hell of a lot older than the victims of the prominent New Zealander.

  65. cogito 65

    Kate: So do you think that your tactile fascination with hair is going to damage you politically , Mr Key?

    Key: On the contrary, Kate. My fascination with hair is even shared by my political opponents, who are bringing in an attractive ex-hairdresser as their new MP. Hair politics could well determine the future look of the NZ government.

  66. burt 66

    I’ve got 2 bottles of wine, want to play Amy Winehands while I pull your hair ?

  67. Clemgeopin 67

    ” Kate, my dear! What nice eyes you have! Will those by chance pop out if I were to tell you that I am so popular down here that I can aukshully get away with anything, anything at all!…For instance, I can tug on your lock of hair many many times and carry on without a care in the world again and again, even after you tell me to stop, because, I am Rt. Honourable Mr Key and I am very popular here and everywhere! I have carefully worked people around to think that I am an easy going funny guy full of bucks and banter! And oh, if I do get caught out, no worries! All I have to do is give you a bunch of my bottles of red wine, say ‘Oh, sorry, so very sorry, didn’t realise’ and just move on! Yep, all will be kosher! No drama. Cool ye, princess?”

  68. Anon E Mouse 68

    If you pull my hair again I’m going to swat you

  69. Donald Rutherford 69

    “Akshully Im really just another wineo but I left my raincoat at the cafe “

  70. e-clectic 70

    I do a great version of the Jaws theme song, wanna hear it?

  71. e-clectic 71

    Say, how about you hop on my lap and we talk about the first thing that pops up – don’t worry it won’t be a long conversation.

  72. e-clectic 72

    Lucky that glistening mane of yours isn’t in a ponytail or I’d be all over you like impetigo.

  73. Clemgeopin 73

    “Katy, my dear, I am just looking at your tantalising hair! And such pretty big eyes too! Will those pop out even bigger if I were to casually tell you that we too have big eyes, FIVE big eyes, in fact!”

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    To Protect and Serve: When the Prime Minister finds herself enmeshed in the coils of a full-blown political scandal, her colleagues and party comrades have only one priority: to release her as swiftly – and with as little lasting injury – as possible. Is this what Jacinda Ardern’s colleagues and ...
    4 days ago
  • The rot at the top.
    When military leaders cover up and lie to elected civilian authorities, the foundation of democratic civil-military relations is undermined because it is those authorities who are entrusted to hold the military accountable to the public that they mutually serve. But this is only true if civilian political authorities take their ...
    KiwipoliticoBy Pablo
    4 days ago
  • Challenging the voting age in court
    The Make It 16 campaign to lower the voting age is launching this afternoon, and they have already announced plans to challenge the law in court:The campaign, named "Make it 16" will launch at Parliament on Friday, with plans to take their case to the High Court, testing the rights ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    4 days ago
  • Israel’s elections herald a long siesta
    by Daphna Whitmore The long years of Netanyahu’s reign are drawing to an end. For years he has epitomized reactionary zionism as he oversaw hundreds of thousands of Jewish settlers seize land in the West Bank. There are now 700,000 settlers, putting an end to the myth that Israel was ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    4 days ago
  • Petrol companies promise prices will come back down once peace is restored to the Middle East
    BP, Z and Mobil all insist that petrol price hikes are temporary, “in a very literal sense.” The nation’s major petrol providers are trying to allay customer fears over prices, promising that they’ll move to lower them again “immediately” when the Middle East is returned to its formerly peaceful state. ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    4 days ago
  • All Blacks unveil boat for Rugby World Cup 2019
    South African coach Rassie Erasmus says he has no idea what they’re going to do about the boat. In a highly anticipated press conference this afternoon, All Blacks coach Steve Hansen has finally unveiled the team’s boat for its Rugby World Cup 2019 campaign. In a press conference that went ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    5 days ago
  • An increasingly shoddy coverup
    The Operation Burnham inquiry continued to question senior NZDF staff today, and their shoddy coverup over their knowledge of civilian casualties continue to fall apart. If you recall, first, we were asked to believe that it was all a series of "mistakes and errors": a senior officer with multiple degrees ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • If we are to avoid making the earth uninhabitable, we need to rapidly decarbonise our civilisation, and cut emissions to zero as quickly as possible. This seems like an impossible task, but its not. Pushing hard on a few technologies and trends will let us halve emissions in a decade:Greenhouse ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • A further attack on transparency
    The Local Government Act 2002 Amendment Bill (No 2) had part of its committee stage yesterday. its a generally tedious bill about the nitty-gritty of local government reorganisation. But it includes a clause making the Local Government Commission subject to the Ombudsmen Act, and hence the OIA. Great! Except of ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • Ihumātao and Treaty settlements
    Yesterday Ihumātao's mana whenua reached a consensus that they would like their land back, and asked the government to negotiate with Fletcher's for its return. The government's response? Try and undermine that consensus, while talking about how doing anything would undermine existing Treaty settlements. The first is just more bad ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • Protecting our history
    Its Suffrage Day, the 126th anniversary of women winning the right to vote (but not stand in elections) in New Zealand. And to celebrate, the government has bought Kate Sheppard's house in Christchurch:The government has bought Kate Sheppard's former home in Christchurch for more than $4 million. The Ilam villa ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • Climate Change: Ostracising the coal-burners
    The UN climate summit is happening in new York next week, and unlike previous years, coal-burners and denier-states are not being invited to speak:Leading economies such as Japan and Australia will not be invited to speak at next week’s crunch UN climate change summit, as their continued support for coal ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • Jojo Tamihere Salutes Herr Goff.
    Get Back Jojo! The elation in Mayor Phil Goff’s camp may be easily imagined as they watched social media light up in indignation at challenger John Tamihere’s "Sieg Heil to that" quip. Just when JT’s notoriously right-wing, sexist and homophobic stains were beginning to fade back into his ‘colourful’ past, ...
    5 days ago
  • Hard News: A fun but flawed weed documentary
    Patrick Gower is good value when he's high. Not that I've ever, you know, got stoned with him. But in the second part of his documentary Patrick Gower on Weed, he does what you'd expect in a modern weed documentary and immerses himself – first with a doctor, then a ...
    5 days ago
  • Candidate Survey: Western Bay of Plenty – Local Body Elections 2019
    We surveyed candidates on their attitudes to issues facing the Western Bay Region, find out what they think: “Closing the Gap” Tauranga, one of the area groups of Income Equality Aotearoa NZ Inc., has surveyed all candidates in the three local body elections to discover attitudes to some basic issues ...
    Closing the GapBy Tracey Sharp
    6 days ago
  • Project Nettie calls on scientists to defend biology
    Please spread widely, and sign, to support science and rationalism over the new irrationalism sweeping universities and institutions.  PROJECT NETTIE Sexual reproduction, the generation of offspring by fusion of genetic material from two different individuals, evolved over 1 billion years ago. It is the reproductive strategy of all higher animals ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    6 days ago
  • I’m glad I don’t live in Auckland
    Just when I was thinking that Palmerston North's mayoral race (which includes a convicted child molester / public wanker and a convicted child beater) was the worst in the country, Auckland mayoral candidate John Tamihere opened his mouth:Auckland mayoral candidate John Tamihere is being slammed for using the words "sieg ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    6 days ago
  • Index of Power Update, 2018-19: China #2
    We reprint below an article from the excellent website the Economics of Imperialism by Tony Norfield This is an update of the statistics for my Index of Power, using data for 2018-19 and discussing what a country’s ranking reflects. The major change is that China’s rank has shifted up and ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    6 days ago
  • Climate Change: A history lesson
    Why is New Zealand climate change policy so crap? The Herald this morning has a long article on the twists and turns of climate change policy in New Zealand [paywalled / depaywall script], which shows where we've been. The short version is that the government first began worrying about this ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    6 days ago
  • What the All Blacks Mean to Us
    The All Blacks have been, for more than a century, arguably the most successful International sports team in the world. But they are more than that; even for those Kiwis who are immune to the charms of rugby (and there are more than a few), the All Blacks are ambassadors ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    6 days ago
  • No one is born into the wrong body
    A short and incredibly powerful speech from a young lesbian woman. No one is born in the wrong body. ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    7 days ago
  • Contempt
    Back in June, the UK Court of Appeal ruled that that country's continued arms sales to Saudi Arabia were unlawful. So you'd expect that the UK government stopped approving them, right?Of course not:The government has apologised for breaching a court ruling against the sale of weapons to Saudi Arabia that ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    7 days ago
  • Covering up the cover-up
    Yesterday NZDF officials were put on the stand about the lies they had told over Operation Burnham, making implausible claims that it was all a big mistake. But along the way, we learned they had already been put on the spot about it by a previous Defence Minister, who had ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    7 days ago
  • Not as important as they think they are
    Farmers have been whining a lot lately, about the methane targets in the Zero Carbon Bill, about Canterbury's proposed nitrogen limits, and about the government's new proposals to stop them from shitting in our lakes and rivers. These policies are "throwing farmers under the tractor", they will force farmers off ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    7 days ago
  • Behind Every Good Woman Should Stand – Another Good Woman.
    Alone, Alone, All, All, Alone: To argue that the Prime Minister is the victim of her advisers’ failure to keep her informed may offer Jacinda some measure of exoneration – but only at the cost of casting her as a hopeless political ingénue. A star-dusted muppet, whose only purpose is to ...
    1 week ago
  • Poor quality, poorly educated kiddie ‘Journalists’ spreading fake news
    In times of hysteria about the “World coming to an end” and “rising sea levels” so-called ‘Journalists’ who can barely spell words longer than four letters are having a ball! Though the majority of the Public have worked out that manmade climate change is nothing short of pseudo-science, and the ...
    An average kiwiBy admin@averagekiwi.com
    1 week ago
  • Chris Trotter on the BFD
    I don't want to give pblicity to certain parts of the internet that are better left to fester in their own irrelevance (I know, a bit like this place) but the listing of Chris Trotter as a 'author' on Cameron Slater's spinoff website, the BFD requires some explanation.Now, I don't ...
    1 week ago
  • Sex is not a spectrum
    The text below is a Twitter thread by Heather Heying that explains the essence of sexual reproduction and it long evolutionary history. She is an evolutionary biologist and a “professor-in-exile” after she and her husband, Bret Weinstein, stood up to supporters of an enforced “Day of Absence” for white staff and teachers ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    1 week ago
  • Climate Change: Trees, aviation, and offsets
    With crunch time for new Zealand climate policy approaching, most of the New Zealand media have got on board with a global reporting effort to cover the issue. There's one strand of stories today about polling and what it shows about changing public attitudes to the crisis, but the strand ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Pissing-Off The Israelis Is A High-Risk Strategy.
    Dangerous Foes: For those readers of Bowalley Road who feel disposed to dismiss any prospect of an Israeli destabilisation of New Zealand politics, the example of the United Kingdom repays close attention. Ever since the election of Jeremy Corbyn as leader of the British Labour Party, the Israelis have sanctioned, funded and ...
    1 week ago
  • Something to go to in Wellington
    Make It 16, the youth-led campaign to lower New Zealand's voting age, is holding an official campaign launch at Parliament this Friday from 16:30. If you'd like to attend, you can register using EventBrite here. ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • A founding member responds to Peace Action Wellington
    by Don Franks It was a lovely sunny Wellington afternoon with blue skies above  the beaches.  In Courtenay Place, political activists packed out a stuffy upstairs room for an important meeting. The assembled pacifists, anarchists, communists and independent young radicals of Peace Action Wellington felt the need for a mission ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    1 week ago
  • “Mistakes and errors”
    Current and former NZDF top brass are being publicly grilled this week by the hit and run inquiry over their public responses to allegations of civilian casualties. Previously, they've claimed there were no casualties, a position which led them to lie to Ministers and to the public. Now, they're saying ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • “Homosexuality is same-sex attraction and relationships, not heterosexuals with delusions of gende...
    by Rafael D. Quiles (gender-critical gay man from Puerto Rico) The writing on the wall is right in people’s faces and people just don’t see it or don’t want to. What could actually possess a heterosexual male to want to feminize himself and claim that he is a lesbian? Because ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    1 week ago
  • Trump: “Where’s my favourite dictator?”
    From the Wall Street Journal:Inside a room of the ornately decorated Hotel du Palais during last month’s Group of Seven summit in Biarritz, France, President Trump awaited a meeting with Egyptian President Abdel Fattah Al Sisi. Mr. Trump looked over a gathering of American and Egyptian officials and called out in ...
    1 week ago
  • Magdalen Burns, 1983-2019, fighter for women’s liberation
    by the Redline blog collective At Redline we are very saddened to hear of the death of Magdalen Burns who passed away on the morning of Friday, September 13 (British time). Magdalen was a great fighter for the rights of women in general and lesbian women in particular, a defender ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    1 week ago
  • Parliament and the Executive
    The Brexit issue has certainly brought with it a series of apparently difficult constitutional issues, many of them concerning the respective roles of the executive and parliament. Most of them arise because of the unwillingness of MPs, despite their professions to the contrary, to be bound by a constitutional rarity ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    1 week ago
  • The Abigail Article; Martyn Bradbury’s Article, and My Response
    . . This blogpost is different to my usual format of reporting on issues… Since July 1011, I have blogged on a variety of political issues; near always political and/or environmental; mostly highly critical of the previous National Government. Other issues included Israeli occupation of Palestinian lands and repression of ...
    Frankly SpeakingBy Frank Macskasy
    1 week ago
  • Police will have to wear silly Buckingham Palace hats from now on, says Police Minister
    Those close to the Police Minister believe the initiative may be the result of Nash “seeing a great deal” on AliExpress. In a move that comes seemingly out of nowhere, Police Minister Stuart Nash announced this afternoon that he expects all frontline staff to don bearskin hats, famously worn by ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • A sensible crackdown
    The government has released its Arms Legislation Bill, containing the second tranche of changes to gun laws following the March 15 massacre. And it all looks quite sensible: a national gun register, higher penalties for illegal possession and dealing, tighter restrictions on arms dealers and shooting clubs, and a shorter ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • California bans private prisons
    Private prisons are a stain on humanity. Prison operators explicitly profit from human misery, then lobby for longer prisons terms so they can keep on profiting. And in the US, prison companies run not only local and state prisons, but also Donald Trump's immigration concentration camps. Faced with this moral ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Why PPPs are a bad idea
    When National was in power, they were very keen on Public-Private Partnerships (PPPs) - basicly, using private companies to finance public infrastructure as a way of hiding debt from the public. They were keen on using them for everything - roads, schools, hospitals. But as the UK shows, that "service" ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • A Movement That No Longer Moves.
    Moving And Shaking: There was a time when people spoke matter-of-factly about the “labour movement” – a political phenomenon understood to embrace much more than the Labour Party. Included within the term’s definition was the whole trade union movement – many of whose members looked upon the Labour Party as ...
    2 weeks ago
  • NZ ‘left’ politically embracing extreme postmodernism
    by Philip Ferguson Much of the left, even people who formally identify as marxists, have collapsed politically in the face of postmodern gender theory of the sort pioneered by American philosopher Judith Butler. For Butler even biological sex is socially constructed. “If the immutable character of sex is contested, perhaps ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    2 weeks ago
  • The obvious question
    The media is reporting that the (alleged) Labour party sexual assaulter has resigned from their job at Parliament, which means hopefully he won't be turning up there making people feel unsafe in future. Good. But as with everything about this scandal, it just raises other questions. Most significantly: why the ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • The moment I found out that you found out, I acted swiftly
    By Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern I am every bit as angry as you are. I am every bit as disappointed as you must be. The people with power, oversight and the ability to do something about these processes within the Labour Party should be ashamed. Whoever those people are, I ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • This is why people hate property developers
    Property developers think there is an "oversupply" of houses in Auckland:High turnover rates and falling prices may be a sign that there are too many new houses going in to some parts of Auckland, commentators say. [...] Property developer David Whitburn said there was a "bit of an oversupply" in ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Australia to Pacific: “Fuck you, you can all drown”
    World leaders are meeting in New York in two weeks for the 2019 Climate Action Summit, where they are expected to announce new and more ambitious targets to stop the world from burning. But the Australian Prime Minister won't be there, despite being in the USA at the time:Scott Morrison ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Implausible ignorance
    Labour Party president Nigel Haworth resigned yesterday over the party's sexual assault scandal. But while that's good news, its unlikely to take away the stench of a coverup. Because according to Paula Bennett in Parliament yesterday, pretty much everyone in the Prime Minister's office was involved as well:I have been ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Labour’s Fatal Flaw.
     Two-Faced? Labour insiders' commitment to the neoliberal status quo puts them at odds with their party’s membership; its trade union affiliates; and a majority of Labour voters, but this only serves to strengthen the perception they have of themselves as a special elite. Among the lesser breeds, they’ll talk up a ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Ten reasons the Tories do NOT want an election
    There has been a lot of talk about Boris Johnson wanting an election, and he has blustered with great gusto about 'chicken' Jeremy Corbyn refusing one, but I think there are many reasons why he is secretly glad he has been refused the opportunity:The Tories are an utter rabble,tearing themselves ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Prorogation Illegal, rule Scottish judges
    Scottish appeal court judges have declared that Boris Johnson’s decision to suspend parliament in the run-up to the October Brexit deadline is unlawful. The three judges, chaired by Lord Carloway, Scotland’s most senior judge, overturned an earlier ruling that the courts did not have the powers to interfere in the prime ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Let me explain what I meant by Everyday New Zealanders
    By Simon Bridges. The following is a press release from the office of Simon Bridges, leader of The National Party. Key ora, New Zealand. Happy Maori Language Week. Look, I’m writing to you today because I want to clear something up. There’s been a lot of kerfuffle around some things ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Yes, the SIS is subject to the Public Records Act
    I understand there's some stuff going round about how the SIS "was removed from the list of public offices covered by the Public Records Act in 2017". The context of course being their records derived from US torture, which will be disposed of or sealed. The good news is that ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • An evidence-based discussion of the Canadian fluoride/IQ study
    Dr. Christopher Labos and Jonathan Jarry discuss the recent Canadian fluoride/IQ research. They provide an expert analysis of the paper and its problems. Click on image to go to podcast. The critical debate about the recent ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Climate Change: Australia in denial
    Australia is burning down again, and meanwhile its natural disaster minister is denying climate change:Australia’s minister responsible for drought and natural disasters, David Littleproud, has said that he doesn’t “know if climate change is manmade”. Clarifying earlier comments that the question is “irrelevant” when considering the Coalition government’s response to ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Philippines activist speaking on the Duterte tyranny
    Auckland Philippines Solidarity is excited to host Professor Judy Taguiwalo for a speaking tour of NZ in September. She is a well-known activist in the Philippines and was a political prisoner under the Marcos dictatorship. Professor Taguiwalo briefly served as a Cabinet member under President Duterte but was forced from ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    2 weeks ago
  • Disgust
    I have no special insights to offer on the Labour sexual assault coverup. All I have is disgust. Disgust that an organisation could fail its people so badly. Disgust that they punished the victims rather than the perpetrator. Disgust that its party hacks are apparently blaming the victims for demanding ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Speak Up for Women calls out Greens’ censorship
    This open letter to the Green Party was penned after an opinion piece by Jill Abigail, a feminist and founding member of the party, was censored by the Greens’ leadership. (Redline has reprinted her article here).The intolerance of the Green Party leaders and their acceptance of the misogyny of gender ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    2 weeks ago
  • Member’s Day: End of Life Choice, part 3
    Today is a Member's day, and David Seymour's End of Life Choice Bill continues its slow crawl through its committee stage. They're spending the whole day on it today, though the first hour is likely to be spent on voting left over from last time. After that they'll move on ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Flight to Los Angeles turned back after passengers decide they don’t want to go anymore
    An ambitious plan to fly to Los Angeles petered out into a brief sight-seeing trip and a desire to return home and get some sleep before work tomorrow. Air New Zealand has confirmed a flight to Los Angeles last night was turned back about a quarter of the way into ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Indigenous Futures: defuturing and futuring – an analytical framework for policy development?
    There appears to be consensus – by omission – that the concept of indigenous futures should be accepted at face value. So I scavenged the internet to see if I could locate an academic descriptor or a framework around how we think about it as a concept, and whether it ...
    EllipsisterBy Ellipsister
    2 weeks ago
  • Cadbury rumoured to be releasing the Pineapple Trump
    Here’s another novelty chocolate to shove in your gob, New Zealand Cadbury could be seeking to make itself great again with a rumoured new release: Pineapple Trumps, a spin on its classic chocolate-encased pineapple treat and do-it-yourself tooth remover. The global confectionery manufacturer and bumbling “before” character in an infomercial, ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • The coming resource war.
    During my time in the Pentagon I had the privilege of sitting down with military leaders and defence and security officials from a variety of Latin American nations. Sometimes I was present as a subordinate assistant to a senior US defence department official, sometimes as part of a delegation that ...
    KiwipoliticoBy Pablo
    2 weeks ago

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