Prime Minister John Key has reacted to growing fears that the world is slipping into a second round of financial crisis and recession before it has recovered from the first one by boldly opening a 180km cycleway through the King Country. Part of a $50m cycleway project, it is expected to boost the economy by $5 to $20 quadrillion, according to the PM.
The ‘national cycleway’ project is part of a ‘rolling maul’ of initiatives that the Prime Minister announced in response to the first round of recession after it was already over. Other initiatives included … um, oh, … that one where they paid $30,000 for a single pumpkin to be grown, and that finance hub thingy that is still just around the corner… oh yeah, and pandas, economy reviving pandas! Are they still coming?
Together, these measures have succeeded in reducing the number of Kiwis out of work from a staggering 188,500 when the recession officially ended to just 251,000 today.
“Fun fact,” said Mr Key “If all 58,000 young people not in employment, education, or training lay end to end with their arms stretched out above the heads, you could cover over two thirds of the length of the cycleway in wasted young lives! But if you only count those on the unemployment benefit, like I do, then they would reach only about 30km!”
84,000 New Zealanders could not be reached for comment because they have emigrated to Australia since the cycleway project was announced.