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Key to Homeless: You Can Stay at Mine

Written By: - Date published: 9:08 am, May 18th, 2016 - 54 comments

Prime Minister John Key has today announced a radical plan to solve the housing crisis. The homeless are now welcome to go flatting with him in his Parnell bach. The plan includes draining the swimming pool and subdividing it into flats, putting hammocks in the palm trees and making soup in the pool cabana’s kitchen. Max Key may have to move out to make way for the homeless, but the PM described that as a painful sacrifice he was now willing to make in the light of his son’s most recent social media posting.

The great big list of John Key’s big fat lies (UPDATED)

Written By: - Date published: 7:00 am, January 27th, 2016 - 76 comments

How many more lies will John Key tell today in his so-called State of the Nation address? Virtual chocolate fish to whomever guesses the closest number.

John Key’s patchwork ‘job machine’: user pays

Written By: - Date published: 8:08 am, December 28th, 2013 - 47 comments

John Key’s great idea for job creation – his cycleway project – has produced some benefits, but is a patchwork production.  Some sections will be user pays to fund maintenance.  Meanwhile the job creation benefits have been limited.

Axe the Copper Tax wins

Written By: - Date published: 6:49 pm, November 28th, 2013 - 32 comments

Every other political party has said an emphatic no to National’s proposal to override the Commerce Commission’s reduction in broadband charges.  I suspect that  Cabinet and Chorus’s board are not having a very good day …

“The Big Issue”: councils & transport

Written By: - Date published: 10:57 am, August 5th, 2013 - 15 comments

Campbell Live last Wednesday focused on transport: funding & Auckland versus the regions; public transport & roads; the revolutionary Congestion Free Network plan.  City Vision (supported by Labour & the Green Party – with a major focus on transport) & 2 Future West candidates launch their Auckland council campaigns.

Take “a long short walk”

Written By: - Date published: 10:22 am, May 6th, 2013 - 12 comments

It’s UN Global Road Safety Week, with a focus on pedestrian safety. NZ statistics for pedestrian injuries and deaths are sobering.  Children are especially vulnerable to careless driving practices. In the interests of our people and environment, walking and cycling need to be less dangerous, and more fun.

Missing the point: Minister of Tourism fail

Written By: - Date published: 8:10 am, January 13th, 2013 - 102 comments

Michael Field on Stuff, responds to a question he attributes to “Labour Party blog, The Standard” about our Minister of Tourism spending most of his holidays in Hawaii  and fails to answer the question he cites. Field diverts to past PMs, ignores all Clark’s NZ holidays, and champions “Kiwi” Muldoon.

Target practice

Written By: - Date published: 1:48 pm, June 30th, 2012 - 8 comments

Just before the parliamentary recess National released its latest set of Laura Naude targets.  They will join all the others – catching up with Australia, jobs from the cycleway, government surplus by 2014, yadda yadda yadda. I can’t think of a single target National has actually met. These targets aren’t real; they are just there to provide fodder for uncritical media.

Chart o’ the day: drop meet ocean

Written By: - Date published: 11:01 am, August 24th, 2011 - 17 comments

Economic cycle

Written By: - Date published: 10:52 am, August 20th, 2011 - 24 comments

Prime Minister John Key has reacted to growing fears that the world is slipping into a second round of financial crisis and recession before it has recovered from the first one by boldly opening a 180km cycleway through the King Country. Part of a $50m cycleway project, it is expected to boost the economy by $5-$20 quadrillion, according to the PM.

National cause of dire economy

Written By: - Date published: 2:20 pm, December 21st, 2010 - 12 comments

National still seem to be getting a lot of cover for their economic mismanagement from the Global Financial Crisis way back in 2007-2008.  But New Zealand’s failure to be “roaring out of recession”, as John Key promised, is no longer tied to the GFC.  It’s Bill English and National’s economic policies that mean that the government deficit is pushing the limits with no reward for average kiwis.

Spinning while the economy burns

Written By: - Date published: 1:12 pm, September 23rd, 2010 - 53 comments

The latest GDP figures are awful. the Reserve Bank had predicted 0.9% growth in the June Quarter. It came in at 0.2% – far worse than anyone expected and slower than population growth. The Key Government’s reaction? Deny there’s a problem and spin, spin, spin.

PM punts for growth

Written By: - Date published: 11:39 am, July 15th, 2010 - 15 comments

Prime Minister John Key today conceded that growth remains too weak, unemployment is too high, and that it is unacceptable that workers’ wages are going backwards when he promised they would match Australia’s in just 15 years. Speaking to a rapturous crowd of schoolchildren and journalists, Key announced a bold new economic agenda.

On yer bike, John

Written By: - Date published: 12:02 pm, May 31st, 2010 - 11 comments

After 15 months, just 10km of the 2000km John key Memorial Cycleway has been built at 3 times the budgeted cost. I’d like to see Goff take Key up on his offer of a ride on his recession-busting national cycleway. They’d be done in half an hour. Key’s flagship policy was always a joke and, now, everyone’s laughing. Come next year, voters are going to look at this record and say ‘on yer bike, John’.

No progress on Key memorial cycleway

Written By: - Date published: 9:30 am, May 24th, 2010 - 40 comments

I love that John Key is so desperate to show some progress on his memorial cycleway that he’s even going along to the opening of cycleways that aren’t funded with its money. On Sunday he showed up at the opening of a cycleway in Oamaru. The cycleway was funded by the council and NZTA. The recession has been over for a year – not a single job has been created, no cycleway built.

Re:Cycle (re-run)

Written By: - Date published: 7:03 am, February 27th, 2010 - 18 comments

We received this guest post about half an hour after John Key announced his cycleway. At the time, the very sensible criticisms it raises were ignored by an enamoured media.

How prescient it looks now, on the anniversary of the Prime Minister’s Jobs Summit.

The 59,000 failures of John Phillip Key

Written By: - Date published: 10:31 am, February 5th, 2010 - 47 comments

Nearly a year ago, John Key, shaken by the first whispers of disquiet over his government’s month-long holiday at the height of an economic crisis (whispers that would later grow into cries of ‘Do Nothing’ Key), decided to hold the Prime Minister’s Jobs Summit. This would not be a talk-fest, it would be a ‘do-fest’ […]

Key’s flagship policy now his joke

Written By: - Date published: 11:19 am, November 23rd, 2009 - 27 comments

Anyone with a brain has always known Key’s cycleway is a joke. The sick thing is he’s now using it as a punchline himself: Barack Obama’s planned White House Job Summit struck a note with our own PM when he heard about it during the Singapore Apec meeting. “Maybe he’ll do a national cycleway,” John […]

Laugh track

Written By: - Date published: 12:57 pm, November 18th, 2009 - 6 comments

As Irish has already noted, Fran O’Sullivan has savaged John Key’s record on employment and said that Paula Bennett is “too busy puffing her own achievements to pay much heed” to warnings on the dire long term-effects of high youth unemployment. What caught my eye was her quote from Key at the start. President Obama is looking for ways […]

Greens greenwashing for anti-environment govt

Written By: - Date published: 11:46 am, November 14th, 2009 - 10 comments

The Greens have announced the collapse of the cornerstone of their Memorandum of Understanding with National. With Gerry Brownlee as Minister for Energy, National hasn’t only failed to make progress on energy efficiency and conservation, it is taking illogical, retrograde steps. So why are the Greens continuing to provide greenwash for this government? I’m thinking about […]

Spin cycle finally into 1st gear

Written By: - Date published: 11:30 am, November 11th, 2009 - 6 comments

I’m all for cycle-ways but excuse me if I don’t get all silly over John Key knocking a post in the ground in Waikato and declaring his first cycle-way under way. The reality is the Waikato River Trail was being built anyway. In fact, it is already over half built. So this $3 million isn’t actually creating […]

Cycleway to nowhere

Written By: - Date published: 9:30 am, October 31st, 2009 - 8 comments

This just in: A picture of stage one of PM John Key’s personal solution to NZ’s recession – the cycleway to nowhere! OK, just kidding. It’s one of the images from The Guardian’s photo show on “Crap cycle lanes”. View them and weep, fellow cyclists… (If you want a political angle to haggle – how […]

So what was phase one?

Written By: - Date published: 2:50 pm, October 15th, 2009 - 14 comments

Funny thing, I woke up this morning and thought to myself “what happened to the cycleway?” I was even going to put a “quick question” post up later today to see if anyone out there knew. Then just a few minutes ago a media release from Tourism New Zealand turned up in my inbox to […]

Caption competition

Written By: - Date published: 4:44 pm, July 31st, 2009 - 75 comments

Just when we thought he couldn’t top the comic value of the cycleway…

More cycleway spin

Written By: - Date published: 10:35 am, July 27th, 2009 - 19 comments

[At the outset of this, let me restate, once again, I’m all for cycleways. Indeed, I wish the Key government hadn’t cut millions from urban cycling in the Budget. What I object to is the overhyping of a few possible cycleways as if they constitute some kind of economic recovery plan] Key has identified seven […]

Big dreams, no delivery

Written By: - Date published: 6:58 pm, July 12th, 2009 - 12 comments

Tv1 has revealed that our daydreamer PM had much much bigger plans for the cycleway. Like excited schoolkids, he and good mate Mark Weldon of the NZX drew up plans for a grand cycle race to be called the Sir Edmund Hillary tour that would go the length of New Zealand along the cycleway. They […]

CycleWatch – 100 days

Written By: - Date published: 7:47 am, July 5th, 2009 - 12 comments

As CycleWatch hits 100 days, John Key’s been caught with his pants down. As No Right Turn explains a few days ago: [There has been no cost-benefit analysis] and now it seems to have abandoned its own timetable for beginning the project. Either that, or the Prime Minister is going to pull the initial selection […]

1 million Aussies? Don’t get too excited

Written By: - Date published: 8:43 am, June 23rd, 2009 - 17 comments

So 1,001,880 Australians visited New Zealand in the year to May, up 3.7% over the last May year despite the recession Yay? Well don’t pop the bubbly just yet. The total number of visitors fell 2.6% from 2,482,881 to 2,418,647. The decrease from other countries wiped out the gain from Australia. And here’s the important […]

Get a padded bicycle seat, save taxpayers money

Written By: - Date published: 2:30 pm, June 12th, 2009 - 7 comments

No Right Turn has been investigating John Key’s baby: Back in February, Prime Minister John Key came up with a bold and radical plan to end the recession and create jobs: a cycleway the length of New Zealand. As it became apparent that the plan was not a joke, and was in fact being taken […]

Cyclewatch

Written By: - Date published: 11:09 am, May 19th, 2009 - 32 comments

Time: 54 days Jobs created: 0 Built (km): 0 out of 1500 Cost thus far: $50m (Budget 2009) Govt estimated cost (English): ‘Not $50m this year, next year, or the year after’ Country status: In recession Eddie wonders aloud: “Who’s more deluded, John Key for thinking his cycleway spin would make people forget about unemployment, […]

Cycleway gets the cash

Written By: - Date published: 3:31 pm, May 14th, 2009 - 22 comments

John Key has overruled Bill English and got the money for his beloved cycleway (now a group of “Great Rides”), $50 million spread over three years. I won’t waste too much time on the substance.The argument’s the same as it always was. Cycle tracks are neat but spending $50 million on them over three years […]

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