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It came from Planet Key

Written By: - Date published: 9:15 am, September 22nd, 2012 - 39 comments
Categories: class war, Minister for Photo-ops - Tags:

Watch this clip, starting at 45s for 15s. John Key on the impoverished Chatham Islands, holding a huge crayfish. He says ‘big as a horse, freshly cooked, $80 a kilo.’ He kisses the cray, then looks at the camera and says ‘jealous?’

Christ, what a cock. Those 270,000 kids aren’t jealous, arsehole. They’re hungry.

The fact he knows the price of cray off the top of his head but not how many Kiwis are unemployed tells you all you need to know.

As for helping the Chathams, Key found just $400,000 for social housing and made money for renewable electricity dependent on either seabed mining or asset sales. A little 3-year old boy had it right when Key asked him what he thought of his PR stunt – “it sucks” said the sprog.

PS. I couldn’t help but notice that 3news cut the worst part of Key’s behaviour from the 6pm version of the story.

39 comments on “It came from Planet Key ”

  1. Kevin Welsh 1

    No wonder they call themselves Chatham Islanders and not New Zealanders.

  2. Jokerman 2

    i found the illustrious PM’s display obscene; what message does he think (not think) he sends to our neighbours
    Is the “man” about to explode from the expansion of his own ego?

  3. Lanthanide 3

    “I’ve been to Buckingham Palace to have lunch with the Queen, I’ve been to the White House to have lunch with the President of the USA, and I’ve been to Antarctica to see the penguins … but I’m more excited about coming to the Chathams than all of those things,” he told a group of children at a Ngati Mutunga marae.

    Yeah right.

  4. Colonial Viper 5

    3 News, good old corporate lackey editors.

  5. ed 6

    Thats the sanitised version of the shit we do see, I shudder to think what we dont see.

  6. Poission 7

    Key found just $400,000 for social housing

    $400,000 = 5 houses.

    The premis is simple as the social goals of Chatham Council state eg

    Access to affordable, quality housing

    A community able to live within its means whilst enjoying a standard of living.


    Lot less bling, functional design, no imported tiled bathrooms or marble benchtops No McMansions.and No leaky buildings.

  7. Chris 8

    How much again did he spend on Gubbermint House?

    • Colonial Viper 8.1

      And the fleet of Beamers.

    • bbfloyd 8.2

      Let’s be accurate… it’s pronounced “gummint”…

      • Chris 8.2.1


        • bbfloyd

          An easy mistake to make when attempting to decipher johnny sparkles deliberate slurring and vowel swallowing….

          Could be a case to be made that anyone applying for the position of spokesperson for any important, and influential body needs to pass a basic literacy, and diction test…

          johnny would pass if he made the effort, but if it was made compulsory to maintain those standards throughout his/her tenure, then it could get awkward…

          • Chris

            I read an article by Chris Trotter a little while ago and he reckons that key deliberately speaks like that so us common folk won’t be intimidated by him,cause you know like he sounds jus like us.He also said that key was intelligent. Big difference between intelligence and cunning.

  8. Eddie 9

    Pedant alert#

    Key means “envious” not “jealous”.

    Someone who wants what someone else has is envious, someone who fears that someone else will take what they have is jealous.

    Othello has the green-eyed monster of jealousy because he thinks that whathisname is after Desdemona. Iago is envious of Othello’s prestige and wife.

    • mike e 9.1

      Civilisation has grown from peoples willingness to contribute to society1
      Those who only take ‘Greed ‘destroy society!

    • bbfloyd 10.1

      As a piece of rose tinted speculation that article is unsurpassed!!

      Any bets on where the company that gets to destroy the seabed around the islands will come from? And just how much of that money will stay here?

      My impression was that the islanders being interviewed on this were just being polite…. I picked up an undertone of misgivings that was barely suppressed…. Not surprising as these people would have a keen understanding of their local environment, and an understandable reluctance to destroy what would have been their childrens inheritance…..

      These people don’t live there because the islands are making them rich…. it’s the way of life….

      All they are asking for is the same level of assistance that other islands in the pacific are getting…. I’m sure they weren’t envisaging having their pristine environment turned into another martha hill….

      • Gosman 10.1.1

        If they want assistence the same as certain Pacific Islands get then perhaps they should declare themselves independent and then become Foreign aid dependent basket cases like those other nations.

    • Draco T Bastard 10.2

      he project will generate $300 million of export revenue for each of the 16 years of production,

      16 years and then it’ll be all gone – most of it overseas. This is a great example of living beyond our means.

  9. tc 11

    What electorate does it fall within ?

  10. Rusty Hellback 12

    Christ…what a cock alright!!!

    • RedLogix 12.1

      Exactly. I struggle to think of ANY other Prime Minister of this country who have would behaved like this.

  11. muzza 13

    What an incredibly pure insight, as if there were need for more from this clown.

    Sadly he strikes a chord with all the aspiring “well to do ” mob, who see themselves in Key, and really enjoy these sorts of displays, and relate to it!

    Whoever mentioned Keys speech etc, yes its clearly faked!

  12. Gosman 15

    Can someone please explain why Chatham Islanders deserve any more financial assistance from the Government than any other New Zealander?

    • vto 15.1

      Sure gosman, as soon as someone explains why the NZX, dairy farmers, Mediaworks, and central city Chch property owners, to name but a few, deserve their own special attention.

      Bloody favouritism

      • Gosman 15.1.1

        The Government’s logic, (I presume), on many of those is that the return from giving them preferential treatment will be greater than the cost. If the Chatham’s can make the same claim then they should have no problem getting funding. Somehow I doubt they can unless they increase their economic output from activities like the proposed underwater Phosphate mining.

        • felix

          You haven’t yet made the case for the return being greater than the cost of preferential treatment for the people vto listed.

          Until you do, you’re in no position to expect the same case to be made for the Chathams.

          • Gosman

            I don’t need to as it they aren’t policies I necessarily agree with. The point I made was that if the Chatham Islanders want more money than the average New Zealander gets then it is unlikely they will get it by just begging for it. They have to try and convince the Government that there will be a worthwhile return. Whether this is in fact realised is irrelevant to getting the money in the first place.

        • mike e

          John Key needed another smile and wave opportuity!

          • mike e

            Aschualli when the islands phosphate runs out national are going to turn it into a detention centre for boat people aka Nauru!

            • Gosman

              They should offer the islands as a location for this now then. I suspect there might be some difficulties with the concept as the benefits of using Nauru for the Australian Government is that it is an overseas country. The same will not apply in the Chathams.

        • Colonial Viper

          The Government’s logic, (I presume), on many of those is that the return from giving them preferential treatment will be greater than the cost.

          Giving rich business people and corporates preferential treatment certainly gives them greater returns.

          Funny thing about Government though, it’s supposed to be about helping all citizens, especially the ones truly struggling to get by. Too old fashioned a concept for you?

          • Gosman

            Nothing the Government should be doing should solidify long term economic dependency. If the Chathams cannot offer the potential for economic self sufficiency long term then ultimately the Islands should be abandoned.

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