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New heights of childishness

Written By: - Date published: 7:25 am, November 8th, 2012 - 33 comments
Categories: Minister for International Embarrassment - Tags:

Yesterday, Key denied calling David Beckham “thick as batshit”. Specifically, he denied using the word ‘batshit’. While it’s enlightening to see Key remembers quips to schoolgirls better than he does briefings from his spies, couldn’t he just have manned up and told us exactly what insult he did use against the football star who was nice enough to spend them with his kid? Oh, and then do the adult thing and apologise.


33 comments on “New heights of childishness”

  1. mike e 1

    Batshit is runny as shonkeys mouth.
    Maybe its his vampire capitalist background!

  2. Tom Gould 2

    Slippery John, up to his old tricks again. Seems he can now recall that he can recall what he said, verbatum.

  3. Jackal 3

    What he actually said was David Beckham is “ash fick ash bashit”. See! All fixed now.

  4. vto 4

    Good to see “Planet Key” catching on as in the cartoon..

    So what word did John Key use to enhance his “thick” description?

    Thick as catshit?
    Thick as batnuts?
    Thick as my bat cave?
    Thick as rat shit?
    Thick as bullshit?
    Thick as a plank?
    Thick as two planks?
    Thick as three planks?
    Maybe just thick?

    Someone should ask him. I am sure that being the nice genuine friendly laugh-a-minute joking kinda guy he is, and that he had no hesitation in telling the schoolgirls anyway, he will have no problem in telling everybody.. surely.. I mean, you know, it was just a light-hearted throw-away line.. so what’s the problem, ay John? So tell us.

    I suppose someone could ask the schoolgirls too..

    • weka 4.1

      “Someone should ask him.”
      After Key stated ‘categorically’ in Parliament yesterday that he didn’t use the phrase, Peters asked what he actually said at the high school. The speaker refused the question.

      • Tony Webb 4.1.1

        He said “thick as pigshit”.

        Even John Key knows that the batshit phrase it “Batshit Crazy”.

        • mike e

          Tony that most likely what mumble mouth said but he thought pigs can fly!
          Given this school is full of farmers daughters that would not offend many of them!

  5. kea 5

    I have a problem. It is not that I disagree with you guys .. although Key’s PR and legal team is trying to extract him from the mire while furiously muddying the waters .. but that when I see such astounding unanimity I keep thinking of a lynch mob.

    It would not be a good look to get a writ for defamation from Beckham’s legal team. It may still happen, as Key’s curt statement this morning suggests.

    Put yourself in the seat of the National Party strategos, err .. strategist.

    Key has been their prime electoral assett with his youthful bravado and goofy Reaganesque charm hiding .. I’m not sure what.

    Ask any stand-up comedian. The gag will only work for so long. At some point the crowd will walk away.

    But someone needs to keep this waka afloat.

    • vto 5.1

      John Key has no effect on the floatability of our waka.

    • gobsmacked 5.2

      Why are you thinking of a “lynch-mob”, Kea?

      If 80% of the voters support one party, we can start worrying about “astounding unanimity”. That’s hardly the case in NZ now.

      If you mean that almost everybody says John Key was stupid to say what he said, and/or deny it, then yes, almost everybody is right.

  6. One Tāne Huna 6

    What he actually said was “…thick as thieves with Posh”.

    The problem is that when our Prime Minister mumblefucks the above phrase it sounds to everyone else like he said “batshit”.

    • Rodel 6.1

      OTH Ha ! Well said.

      I await our PM’s comments on next week’s visit by a well known UK celebrity and his ‘wife’. Christopher Hitchen’s references to jug ears and horses are old hat.

      He should ask his kids for fresh, witty, adolescent expressions that will win friends and influence people, but won’t endanger his knighthood.

  7. Blue 7

    What a dick. The time to deny saying it was nearly a week ago when he was first accused of saying it. Trying to pretend he didn’t say it now is just lame.

    A quick recap of Johnny’s defences:

    I’m not going to respond to what some journalist thinks they heard me say
    It was a private conversation
    He’s made more money than me so he must be smart
    I did not say that (referring to batshit) (but refusing to rule out that he did use a swearword)
    Becks would be really flattered if he heard the rest of the conversation (as if Becks cares…)
    No, I won’t repeat what I actually did say

    What sort of loser flails around for a week gathering bad press before they open their mouth and dig a deeper hole for themselves?

    Looks like he just doesn’t give a damn anymore.

  8. Dr Terry 8

    Did Radio NZ not record the speech? In future absolutely every thing he says and does MUST be recorded on radio or videotape. Otherwise he is allowed over and again to lie and slide out from under.

    • Rosie 8.1

      Maybe one of the girls had their cell phone on ‘record’. Maybe Keys men took a few days to check this out, then confiscate the phone(s) containing the evidence, hence the lag before Key finally denied he said it? Or then, maybe they learnt from cuppa incident and keys men swept the room for devices prior to allowing him to speak with members of the public, or with anyone in a public space. Maybe his minders should tape his mouth shut.

      I’m just waiting for someone to publish a comedy booklet of Keyisms. Maybe that could be a project for http://www.lolnats.co.nz Great stocking filler for your RW or nat voting friends and family at xmas.

      • weka 8.1.1

        The five day gap between the statement being made and Key for the first time categorically denying he made the statement is certainly suspicious. Almost like someone needed time to make sure there were no recordings (or to deal with any recordings that existed).

        • Rosie

          Hi Weka. I was half joking when I posted that comment. Half joking because the idea seemed so absurd and somewhat desparate that there would be a check for recording devices and subsequent evidence, after the fact. However, we can only guess at why there was such a delay in coming out with a denial. In the case of the “gay red shirt” he had to front up as it was on the radio where as in the “batshit” case there may have been uncertainty around the statement being on record. Certianly is suspicious though, I agree.

  9. Uturn 9

    The reported quote is:

    “Beckham is handsome and a really nice guy to spend that long with my son, but is also “thick as batshit” “.

    What he really said was,

    “Beckham is handsome and a really nice guy to spend that long with my son, but is also quick at hat tricks.”

    It makes perfect sense. The audience were teenage girls, and Key, presumably being a hetro guy, thought they would like mention of Beckham’s appearance. Cunningly deducing there were no feminists in his audience and since looks aren’t everything to a girl on the pull, he made careful note that Beckham was also nice. Then he implies that spending time with kids slows you down, and being slow is not good, especially if you’re a soccer player on the field. Other people may get a goal while you dawdle about. So Key was careful to add, noticing the sight grimace of his soccer-mad audience, that Beckham was also “quick” at hat-tricks. Of course this is a joke that only soccer connoisseurs would appreciate. Beckham has never scored a hat trick, but in 2002 he was denounced as pulling a “hat trick” when he wore a hat to a press conference made by a rival brand to England’s official kit supplier. With this insider joke, Key actually endorsed the business nous, bob-each-way, rascally individualistic nature of Beckham.

    I don’t know how anyone could have missed this. Key is smarter than we gave him credit for and his sense of humour reaches deep into the heart of school girls and both the common and elite sportsman. If he must apologise for anything, it is only for being too damn accomodating by taking an interest in sports he doesn’t even like.

  10. ianmac 10

    Thanks to Brian Edwards he is pointing to a clip by Greg Goodyer (Key). Note the very last few seconds.
    Hope it is the right clip.

  11. Fortran 11

    Boring – can nothing of importance be put forward ?
    Is this the best that this blog can do?

  12. burt 12

    A PM apologise…. lol….

  13. aerobubble 13

    Hansard 6th Nov.
    Kevin Hague: Does he agree that standard economic theory suggests that profit-maximising firms will always prioritise profitability over safety, unless the Government, as regulator, ensures the safety of workers?

    Rt Hon JOHN KEY: I think that is a ridiculous statement. That is saying that a company is prepared to risk the deaths of its employees and the reputation of the company for the sole purpose of making money, and even from the most hardened socialist I find that something difficult to believe. In the case of the Pike River mine, let us argue just for a moment that the Pike River Coal company was halfway through its mining operations, and was a successful operation that was operating well. An explosion of the magnitude that took place back in 2010 would have then completely and utterly collapsed that company. That would have made no economic sense to anyone.

    Key was clear in his defense of business executives,
    he does not believe any executive intentional loses
    money and cost workers their lives. Fraud, Greed, Incompetence,
    has never been ever discovered in any company boardroom.

    Of course the same day his minister massively
    decreased her productivity, keeping her income
    stagnant by dropping off a ministry portfolio,
    so she had less work and so ‘was’ making a statement
    about her feelings over the death of 29 on ‘her watch’.

    Key is clouded by the hogwash of neo-liberalism, they take
    the positive result of their policies, then turn that into an
    assumption, from which to push impractical and counter-productive
    policies that harm the positive outcome.

    Take the tax payer who recently argued that bludgers had no right
    to stay in their home, in their communities, being that the goal of
    social housing is to provide social cohesion. Get it. The assumption
    under pinning social welfare is to provide everyone the safety that
    is provided those in work, in order to protect those in work from
    the detrimental effects of poverty, crime, disease, civic unrest, that
    would over run the ability of society to provide security to those in
    work, who thanks to neo-liberalism, thoughtless reiterate the
    self-destruction that maintains their own social security.

    Very proud of the ancestors who stood up to fascism,
    we should be vigilent that fascists do not swap out
    democracy and replace government with rule of rightwing
    commerisars. National MP was rightly angered for the obvious connection
    his government and its ChCh putsch.

    But hell! when we live in a nation that is exporting its skilled young, is
    it any wonder National Radio are running quotes from benefit bashers
    as reasonable positions of the raging right-wing social fascism systemic
    and implicit to neo-liberalism.

    Digitial rollout designed to provide rentee seekers
    incomes streams by turning a commodity into a service.
    Again backwards, neo-liberal thinking, digital rollout will eventually
    provides rent seekers with income streams, but in
    order to create competition front loading winners
    never works. Small business are hurting, they’d like
    to use skype not have to get a landline bundle, whereas
    big business has the choice. Key government is harming small
    business by forcing landlines on homeowners.

  14. fisiani 14

    How do you convince 27 Leftists to waste hours of time and effort on a trivial and pointless cul-de-sac that fails to score a single point. See above.
    I must write to John Key and ask him to make several more comments that provoke hours of faux outrage

    • Colonial Viper 14.1

      I must write to John Key and ask him to make several more comments that provoke hours of faux outrage

      Don’t waste your time, Key doesn’t need an excuse to make dickhead comments.

    • infused 14.2

      Pretty much. Yet Labour can’t work out why they are not getting traction.

  15. Chris 15

    Key,adult.apologise!!!!All in the same sentence! Ha ha ha.

  16. Chris 16

    I was waiting for lockwood smith to give him the answer to give when Winnie was asking the question. (Like he did with parata)However he did manage to stall the questioning.He is just a key enabler. No wonder the sub species in blue are so complacent.

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