Tax ‘swap’ needed to keep National MPs in NZ

Written By: - Date published: 1:00 pm, May 20th, 2010 - 17 comments
Categories: budget 2010, Satire, tax - Tags:

Finance Minister Bill English today announced tax cuts worth $340,000* for National MPs on their Parliamentary salaries alone.

“I’m very pleased we could announce this gift, ah, fair alteration of the tax system. There was a real danger that New Zealand could have lost the services of such valuable, highly-skilled workers as Paula Bennett, Kanwaljit Singh Bakshi, Anne Tolley, Nick Smith, Paul Quinn, and Melissa Lee if we hadn’t taken $340,000 out of working Kiwis’ pockets and doled it to our MPs at an average of $6,000 a piece.”

“And don’t forget John. He’s got countries lining up round the block wanting him to be their PM. I reckon the extra $13,000 a year should keep him from straying though.”

Added the Finance Minister with a faraway look in his eye “You know, there are times when I feel like just buggering off. Go to live in Samoa or something. Keep the farm in Dipton for appearances but, f#ck man, after a life in Southland and Wellington, I just want to spend some time in the sun” before shaking his head and concluding “but, we don’t need to worry about that any more. An extra $9,000 a year is just what I needed to make me want to stay and buckle down to some hard work”

Wearing a new Versace suit, gold Rolex, and a barely suppressed smirk Prime Minister John Key added “Look, it’s important to release this isn’t just a hand out for ourselves and our rich buddies. It’s all about .. um… growth, yeah that’s right, growth.”

“Don’t be jealous of me taking your money. Don’t hate the player, hate the game”

The Government was also keen to point out that the money they’re taking our of your pockets and putting in theirs would soon be spent, boosting the economy (which wouldn’t have happened if you had spent it). National MPs are already planning to spend the extra wealth they will gain for doing the same job. David Bennett said he was going to invest in a slingshot and a bag of $1 coins for “motivating the poor”. Asked whether he intended to shoot the coins to the poor or at them, Bennett replied “which do you think?”

*(Marty actually worked it out! 12.5% rate to 10%, 21% to 19%, 33% to 30%, 38% to 33%, and GST as % of income 4.4% to 5.2% for top decile earners. 1 PM, 1 Deputy, 18 Cabinet Ministers, 3 Ministers Outside Cabinet, 1 Speaker, 1 Deputy Speaker, 1 Chief Whip, 1 Junior Whip, 12 Select Committee Chairs, 8 Deputy Chairs, 11 Ordinary Members. Pay grades here)

17 comments on “Tax ‘swap’ needed to keep National MPs in NZ”

  1. Alexandra 1

    Great pic. Wouldnt we all be singing with evangelical joy if the budget delivered the same big fat pay increase, instead of a big fat tax increase.

  2. I think the people of New Zealand should have the final say.

    If given the choice between giving them a tax cut or giving them the finger and watch them bugger off overseas I suspect the vast majority would chose the latter option.

  3. Bright Red 3

    Speaking of deadweight Nats – Jonathan Young, Colin King, Todd McClay, Aaron Gilmore, Jonathan Coleman, Chris Tremein, Amy Adams,…. the list is endless

  4. ianmac 4

    Oh. Does it follow then, that if the tax-cuts were negative say by -$3,500 then would the MPs leave for Australia, (just like sending the convicts really.)? Could we run a sort of reverse poll that chose who would receive the tax cut? Ummmmm. Paula, Anne, Smile and Wave but only those on the Government benches of course.
    Point well made Zetetic.

  5. Lew 5

    Smartest thing Labour and the Greens could do is pool their tax cuts into a fighting fund to win the next election — or, since that’s a stretch, maybe the one after that. After all, they’ve been told it’s more of their money, and their own position is that people earning as much as they do don’t need it.

    Care to work out how much that would be?

    L

    • Bright Red 5.1

      What’s a backbencher on? $140K?

      I used the tax guide site and assumed $300 a week mortgage. Came out at $4000 each a year – 50 of them. $200,000 a year. Nice.

      And it’ll be a bit higher than that with the leader go the opposition’s pay, whips, select committee chairpersons.

      Now a bad fighting pool.

      btw, Goff should have had an answer to last night when asked what he would do with his tax cut – give it to people working for a better government and helping the needy.

      • Lew 5.1.1

        Cheers BR. That’s half a pledge card, or one hell of a grassroots social media campaign. Clare Curran, has your hour come?

        L

  6. “So lets see, no cuts to health and education, a bigger tax break for middle income earners than expected, closing the loop holes so rich people can cheat the system”

    This must be the most left wing budget in decades.

    From October 1, the top tax rate, payable on income above $70,000, will fall from 38 cents to 33. The 33 cent rate which applies on income between $48,000 and $70,000 will fall to 30 cents and the 21 cent rate, on income between $14,000 and $48,000, will fall to 17.5 cents.

    The bottom rate, on earnings below $14,000, will be cut from 12.5 cents to 10.5.

    An extra $2.1 billion for health over the next four years, including $512 million this year.

    * An extra $1.4 billion for education, including $417 million this year

    * $1.45 billion for infrastructure projects, including $200 million for ultra-fast broadband, $500 million for rail, $337.4 million to increase prison capacity and $177.4 million for new school buildings.

    The Budget estimates the economy will grow by 3.2 per cent in the next year, and remain at similar levels for the next three years.

    Unemployment is forecast to decline from 7.1 per cent in March this year to 6.2 per cent next year and continue tracking down to 4.6 per cent by 2014.

  7. Lanthanide 7

    Unfortunately Marty’s number is wrong – the tax cuts are bigger than anticipated.

    The new tax rates are:
    Up to 14,000 10.5%
    Up to 48,000 17.5%
    Up to 70,000 30%
    Over 70,001 33%

    New website to calculate your tax changes:
    http://www.taxguide.govt.nz/index.html

  8. seth 8

    Lol, this is the best you could come up with after the budget being a resounding success for all New Zealanders. You guys must livid! How the hell could they do that, what will you have to whine about now?

    [lprent: Idiot, look at the time of the post. The budget started at 2pm. Now tell me what time the post got put up on the site. Now tell me why I think you are an idiot. ]

  9. Alexandra 9

    Hold yourself in seth, wait for the analysis of health, education, benefits, somethings gotta give.

  10. Alwyn 10

    Look on the bright side chaps. This might persuade Helen to come back from the United States and help to sort out the parties problems in getting some traction with the public.
    Can anyone estimate what her tax cut would be on the superannuation she is getting after her long service as an MP and PM?

  11. Of course, all the Labour, Greens and Progressive MP’s will refuse to accept their tax cuts. No? Quelle surprise!

    • lprent 11.1

      All of the progressive parties have MP’s being large contributors to their own parties and various community organizations that they work with. It is pretty damn obvious, and if you didn’t know that then it would appear that you’re a political fool.

      Since you usually aren’t, I guess this just another line from some spinster that you’re repeating

  12. Zak Creedo 12

    congrats.. this is the best response I’ve seen from the Left (overs) to Bill’s Budget.

    As for the others – officials plus pollies – I’d have to say that they just don’t get it. Must have been that blue tie with yellow spots.. tying them all up in knots!

  13. john 13

    Pleeaase National Party Gov.PLeeaase emigrate now to a higher paid country right now and leave NZ to KIWIS who aren’t obsessed with “I am Special disease”.

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