web analytics
The Standard

Caption competition

Written By: - Date published: 3:07 pm, March 13th, 2014 - 73 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour - Tags:

John Key and baby

73 comments on “Caption competition”

  1. Seti 1

    Cunliffe reacts to Key’s third term triumph.

  2. One Anonymous Bloke 2

    Nathan, eight months, shows a keen interest in herpetology.

  3. commie-baby..!

    phillip ure..

  4. RedLogix 4

    Muldoon’s most recent reincarnation communicates what ‘alter-ego’ means.

    • sub-joke:..

      key:..

      ..’it’s muldoon reincarnated..and he’s pissed..!..

      ..something about something called ‘think big’..?..’

      phillip ure..

  5. baby:..’you messed up my milk..!..”

    phillip ure..

  6. baby:..’he’s mine..!’..

    phillip ure..

  7. Te Reo Putake 7

    Ooooh, yuck, feels like Dad’s crocodile skin boots …

  8. baby:..’now listen to me..!..punk..!’

    phillip ure..

  9. Puckish Rogue 9

    “Wow unlike Cunliffe hes the real thing”

    “It really is teflon”

  10. key:..’but..!..but..!..he’s wearing blue..!..’

    phillip ure..

  11. Tracey 11

    To Everyone’s horror the skin peeled away in the baby’s hands

  12. baby:..’this guy’s had botox..!’

    phillip ure..

  13. Clemgeopin 13

    “Take that, you pro rich hypocrite! This is what I think of your awful policies for children’s welfare”

  14. key:..’i’m down with the kids..!..this happens often..!’

    phillip ure..

  15. key:

    ..’no..!..no..!..i’m..i’m..quite ‘relaxed’ about this..!..’

    phillip ure..

  16. baby:..

    ‘..you made my mum go back to work..!’

    phillip ure..

  17. baby:..

    ..’whattaya gonna do about the price of nappies..!..’

    phillip ure..

  18. key:..

    ..’someone call security..!’

    phillip ure..

  19. Clemgeopin 19

    Key: “Hey baby, why are you pinching me?
    Baby : “Dude, you have pinched assets, freedom and things from all of us. Remember?”

  20. key:

    ‘judith collins does this to me too..!..

    ..when she gets angry…’

    phillip ure..

  21. Pasupial 21

    No matter how clean a baby may seem, it can always find something icky with which to foul its hands.

  22. Tracey 22

    Baby: your weenie is about so big

  23. Infantile nappy wearer and baby

  24. baby:..

    ..’i have seen the future..and it’s all your fault..!..’

    phillip ure..

  25. baby:..

    ..’yes..!..he really is oily..!..’

    phillip ure..

  26. Clemgeopin 26

    Nah, you can’t fool me!

  27. baby:..

    ..’see..!..i told you..!..a reptilian shape-shifter..!’

    phillip ure..

  28. karol 29

    “Hey derp face, you’re ruining my baby pic.”

  29. JustLikeTigerWoods 30

    When I did this to Norman, he squealed like a Mollyhawk

  30. mickysavage 31

    Young child attempts to establish if Prime Minister of New Zealand is really a shape shifting reptilian …

  31. baby:..

    ‘the stench of corruption is strong with this one..!..’

    phillip ure..

  32. Vulcan mind meld unsuccessful – baby declares “nothing was there, just nothing…”

  33. baby:..

    ..’yeah..!..he’s wearing a rug..!..’

    phillip ure..

  34. joe90 35

    Up…up…to the left..left…ah …that’s the spot right there, see .. my Muldoon dimple.

  35. Ben 36

    “Yuck! Your mouth smells like a bum!”

  36. Ben 37

    ‘Kid, what does the fox say?’
    ‘Cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek!’

  37. Ben 38

    ‘Kiddy, pinch me if Collins and I are liars’
    ‘Ok, there you go!’

  38. JK 39

    That’s right, baby – he looks just like Muldoon ! !

  39. baby:..

    ‘yep..!..he’s got a diamond-stash up in there..!..’

    ..phillip ure..

  40. captain hook 41

    dont tell lies johnokeyio.
    dont tell lies or your nose will grow.

  41. ropata 42

    Cam Slater’s snake oil extraction technique. Squeeze the pus from the PM and publish it in his blog.

  42. “Take that for not recognizing that 285,000 of us are living in poverty!”

  43. Chooky 44

    Lefty baby demonstrates taking a “A pound of flesh!”

    …this is a political baby to watch!

  44. blue leopard (Get Lost GCSB Bill) 45

    Look everyone the smile is fake.

    This is more what he is like

    Now get me off this creep I don’t want to be part of his photo-op

  45. If you can pinch more than an inch… You’re a fat, tory fu*k

  46. fender 47

    Getting a grip on threats to the community.

    Stranger-danger beginners class.

    Baby attempts to unblock a trickle-down dam.

    Baby makes citizens arrest on asset thief.

    Spy caught in child’s room.

    Blind trust becomes a reality.

    Stuffed toy bigger than baby.

    Baby catches planet Key alien.

    Lever of power grabbed by young revolutionary.

  47. JanM 48

    Is that hard enough, Mummy?

  48. freedom 49

    extract from Memoirs of A Lost Reptilian

    Sensing the imminent loss of power I leapt into the eyes of the nearest soul. That it would be many years before I grew strong enough to rule over the quibbling livestock was a minor irritant. In due time the glory the victory the media would all again be mine mmmwwwwahahahahahaha mmmmmwwwwahahahahahaha

    mmmmmwwwwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa

  49. veutoviper 50

    I am hopeless at captions, but on seeing this photo immediately thought it should be one.

    The other thing I thought was that the baby’s lips and eyes looked very like those of Collins ….

  50. georgecom 51

    Baby reacts badly to invitation to have dinner with Judith Collins

  51. fender 52

    Baby mimics wealth grabbers behaviour.

    Young left holding crumbs in faceoff over super.

    Tot left with snot grabs shit for the skip.

    Unable to tell shit from clay, baby begins kneading shit.

    Re-arrange ya face begins with most appropriate candidate.

  52. Stuart Munro 53

    Prescient child fends off out-going prime minister.

    “Keep your lips to yourself, lizard breath”

    “Sexual harassment! Sexual harassment!”

  53. Draco T Bastard 54

    Busted

  54. Clemgeopin 55

    Don’t try your tricks on me, bogeyman.

    You may fool some people all of the time, but don’t even think of trying that on me, buster!

    This is my good bye gift for you!

  55. logie97 56

    Now I know what mumma means when she talks about men with halitosis.

  56. fender 57

    The thing every parent dreads: finding your young one playing with the contents of a nappy.

    Breastfed baby grabs the wrong tit.

    Young left holding consequences of dirty-dairying.

    Baby bonus supporter proves Key has got a cheek.

    Tickle-me-Elmo Shit-on-me-Johnny receives cold reception.

  57. Jenny 58

    How Muldoon got his scar. And why baby kissing politicians is not as common as it used to be.

  58. mac1 59

    “What a cheek!”

    “I’m one babe you’re not kissing.”

    “You want me to turn the other cheek?”

    “Boy, I hope George is better behaved.”

    “I love you, too, David.”

  59. f dx 60

    You are up to your eyeballs in the bullshit Johnny!

  60. Crunchtime 61

    Citizens arrest.

  61. Philj 62

    Xox
    “Keys love child gets own back”

  62. drmrs 63

    This is tongue in cheek when you lie, but baby has a good hold on it so the lie won’t continue. drmrs 4/3/2014

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • System failing to protect women and children from family violence
    Last week we called for mandatory child safety investigations in domestic violence cases. This came after the coronial inquiry into the deaths of Bradley and Ellen Livingstone and the verdict in the trial of the west Auckland boys charged with… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    11 hours ago
  • Backers banking on social bonds cash?
    The Government is refusing to say what the $29 million it has set aside for its controversial social bonds programme is for, raising suspicions it is an upfront payment to the project backers, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King says. A… ...
    11 hours ago
  • Plastic Free July
    Today is the start of Plastic Free July. Since its inception in Perth, Western Australia four years ago, more and more people and organisations from around the world have joined the call to refuse single use plastic products. Nearly all… ...
    GreensBy Denise Roche MP
    11 hours ago
  • State house sell off Bill gives extraordinary powers
    The Government is about to give Ministers extraordinary powers to take direct personal control of selling state houses, exempting Ministers from normal legal requirements and leaving the sale process wide open for corruption, Labour's Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. The… ...
    11 hours ago
  • Cash for charter schools, mould for state schools
    At a time when state schools are struggling in old, cold, mouldy buildings and can barely make ends meet, the National Government is shovelling cash at charter schools which aren’t even spending the funding on kids’ education, Labour’s Education spokesperson… ...
    11 hours ago
  • New Zealand needs a wise response to climate change
    Today in Parliament I got to hear from a group of New Zealanders who are concerned for the future of our country. Called Wise Response, the group is a broad coalition of academics, engineers, lawyers, artists, sportspeople and others who… ...
    GreensBy Russel Norman MP
    11 hours ago
  • No alternative as waste scheme trashed
    Nick Smith must explain how he is going to prevent contamination of New Zealand’s ground and water with liquid and hazardous waste after scrapping the only monitoring scheme and offering no replacement, says Labour’s Environment Spokesperson Megan Woods. “From today,… ...
    13 hours ago
  • Flawed system rates death traps as safe
    ACC Minister Nikki Kaye needs to come clean about what really lies behind the reclassification of 18 vehicles in her new motor vehicle registration system introduced today, Labour’s ACC spokesperson Sue Moroney says. "New Zealanders deserve the truth about the… ...
    16 hours ago
  • Tiwai Smelter and 800 workers left in limbo
     Workers at Tiwai smelter and the people of Southland have once again been left in limbo over their future in the ongoing debacle over whether the plant stays open, says Labour’s Leader Andrew Little.  “It’s not good enough that after two years of… ...
    16 hours ago
  • New twist in state house sell-off saga
    The Government has opened the door to buyers of state houses simply being landlords and not required to provide social services, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. The Prime Minister said at his post-Cabinet press conference buyers would not “have… ...
    17 hours ago
  • Government fees will hit charities hard
    National’s decision to ignore the concerns of charities will see the voluntary sector face hundreds of thousands of dollars in new costs if the Policing (Cost Recovery) Amendment Bill passes, says Labour's Community and Voluntary Sector spokesperson Poto Williams. “National’s… ...
    1 day ago
  • Four out of ten for Simon’s Bridges
    The Transport Authority’s decision to fund only four of the 10 bridges promised in National’s shameless Northland by-election bribe is a huge embarrassment for Transport Minister Simon Bridges, Labour’s Transport spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “After one by-election poll showed they… ...
    2 days ago
  • Falling consents adding to Auckland housing woes
    Falling numbers of building consents being issued in Auckland will add to the city’s housing shortfall and fuel skyrocketing house prices, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford “The Productivity Commission found there was a shortfall of around 32,000 houses by the… ...
    2 days ago
  • So Mr English, do you have a plan?
    DIpping confidence about jobs, wages and shrinking exports are highlighting the lack of a plan from the government to diversify the economy and build sustainable growth, Grant Robertson  Labour’s Finance Spokesperson said. " Data released over the last week… ...
    2 days ago
  • Serious risks to tenants and assets in sell-off
    Overseas evidence shows there are serious risks around the Government's plan to sell off state houses to social housing providers, Opposition Leader Andrew Little says. “In the Netherlands – where community housing providers supply the majority of social housing –… ...
    2 days ago
  • Land of milk and money
    Kiwi families are paying over the top prices for their milk and someone is creaming off big profits, says Labour’s Consumer Affairs spokesperson David Shearer. “In 2011 the Government told us high New Zealand milk prices were a natural result… ...
    3 days ago
  • MoBIE largesse doesn’t stop with TVs and hair-straighteners
    The number of MoBIE staff earning more than $150,000 has risen 23 per cent in just a year, Labour’s Economic Development Spokesperson David Clark says. Documents obtained from the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment show there are now nearly… ...
    3 days ago
  • English wants to flog state houses to Aussies
    Bill English’s admission that he would sell hundreds of New Zealand’s state houses to the Australians is the latest lurch in the Government’s stumbling, half-baked housing policy, Labour’s housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “Bill English should face reality and admit his… ...
    5 days ago
  • Exports continue to fall as Government fails to diversify
    The Government quickly needs a plan to diversify our economy after new figures show that exports are continuing to fall due to the collapse in dairy exports, Labour's Finance Spokesperson Grant Robertson says. “Dairy exports fell 28 per cent compared… ...
    6 days ago
  • Government inaction leads to blurring of roles
    The Treasury wouldn’t have had to warn the Reserve Bank to stick to its core functions if the Government had taken prompt and substantial measures to rein in skyrocketing Auckland house prices, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says. “The problems… ...
    6 days ago
  • Courthouse closures hitting regions
    The Government’s decision to shut down up to eight regional courthouses, some supposedly only temporarily for seismic reasons, looks unlikely to be reversed, Labour’s Justice spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says.“The move has hit these regions hard, but appears to be a… ...
    6 days ago
  • A Victory for Te Tiriti o Waitangi
    This week my partner, who has a number of professions, was doing an archaeological assessment for a District Council. He showed me the new rules around archaeologists which require them to demonstrate “sufficient skill and competency in relation to Māori… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    6 days ago
  • Tough bar set for Ruataniwha dam
     Today’s final decision by the Tukituki Catchment Board of Inquiry is good news for the river and the environment, says Labour’s Water spokesperson Meka Whaitiri. “Setting a strict level of dissolved nitrogen in the catchment’s waters will ensure that the… ...
    6 days ago
  • Minister for Women and National missing the mark – part two
    The Minister for Women was in front of the select committee yesterday answering questions about her plans for women. Some useful context is that we used to have a Pay and Employment Equity Unit within the then Department of Labour… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    6 days ago
  • Lavish penthouse spend confirms culture of extravagance
    At the same time thousands of New Zealanders are being locked out of the property market, the Government is spending up on a lavish New York penthouse for its diplomats, Labour’s Foreign Affairs spokesperson David Shearer says. News that taxpayers… ...
    6 days ago
  • Māori Television exodus cause for concern
    The shock departure of yet another leading journalist from the Native Affairs team raises further concern the Board and Chief Executive are dissatisfied with the team’s editorial content, says Labour’s Māori Development spokesperson Nanaia Mahuta. “Annabelle Lee is an experienced… ...
    6 days ago
  • Million-plus car owners to pay too much ACC
    More than a million car owners will pay higher ACC motor vehicle registration than necessary from July, Labour’s ACC spokesperson Sue Moroney says. “During a select committee hearing this morning it was revealed that car owners would have been charged… ...
    7 days ago
  • Bill will restore democracy to local councils
    A new Labour Member’s Bill will restore democracy to local authorities and stop amalgamations being forced on councils. Napier MP Stuart Nash’s Local Government Act 2002 (Greater Local Democracy) Bill will be debated by Parliament after being pulled from the… ...
    7 days ago
  • Minister for Women again misses the mark – part one
    Yesterday I asked the Minister for Women about the government’s poor performance on it’s own target of appointing women to 45% of state board positions. I challenged why she’d put out a media release celebrating progress this year when the… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    7 days ago
  • Banks enter Dragon’s Den in pitch for Government’s mental health experi...
    Overseas banks and their preferred providers were asked to pitch their ideas for bankrolling the Government’s social bonds scheme to a Dragon’s Den-style panel, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King says. Dragon’s Den was a reality television series where prospective ‘entrepreneurs’… ...
    1 week ago
  • Global Mode bullying won’t stop people accessing content
    It’s disappointing that strong-arm tactics from powerful media companies have meant Global Mode will not get its day in court. Today a settlement was reached terminating the Global Mode service, developed in New Zealand by ByPass Network Services and used… ...
    GreensBy Gareth Hughes MP
    1 week ago
  • More questions – why was the Former National Party President involved wit...
    Today in Parliament Murray  McCully said the reason Michelle Boag was involved in 2011 in the Saudi farm scandal was in her capacity as a member of the New Zealand Middle East Business Council. The problem with that answer is… ...
    1 week ago
  • Minister must explain Maori TV interference
    Te Ururoa Flavell must explain why he told Maori TV staff all complaints about the CEO must come to him – months before he became the Minister responsible for the broadcaster, Labour’s Broadcasting Spokesperson Clare Curran says. “Sources have told… ...
    1 week ago
  • KiwiSaver takes a hammering after the end of kick-start
    National seems hell bent on destroying New Zealand’s saving culture given today’s news that there has been a drop in new enrolments for KiwiSaver, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson.  “New enrolments for the ANZ Investments KiwiSaver scheme have plunged… ...
    1 week ago
  • Straight answers needed on CYF role
    The Government needs to explain the role that Child, Youth and Family plays in cases where there is evidence that family violence was flagged as a concern, Labour’s Children’s spokesperson Jacinda Arden says. “The fact that CYF is refusing to… ...
    1 week ago
  • Prime Minister confuses his political interests with NZ’s interest
    The Prime Minister’s statement in Parliament yesterday that a Minister who paid a facilitation payment to unlock a free trade agreement would retain his confidence is an abhorrent development in the Saudi sheep scandal, Opposition leader Andrew Little says.  ...
    1 week ago
  • #raisethequota
    Last Saturday was World Refugee Day. I was privileged to spend most of my day with the amazing refugee communities in Auckland. Their stories have been inspiring and reflect the ‘can-do’ Kiwi spirit, even though they come from all different… ...
    GreensBy Denise Roche MP
    1 week ago
  • Dairy conversions causing more pollution than ever, report shows
    The Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment (PCE) released two reports on freshwater quality and management last Friday. The water quality report shows that dairy conversions are hurting water quality and says that despite great efforts with fencing and planting, large… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    1 week ago
  • Employers want urgent action on health and safety
    Moves by National to water down health and safety reforms have been slammed by employers – the very group the Government claims is pushing for change, says Labour’s spokesperson for Labour Relations Iain Lees-Galloway. “The Employers and Manufacturers’ Association has… ...
    1 week ago
  • Labour calls on all parties to end coat-tailing
    Labour MP Iain Lees-Galloway is encouraging all parties to support his Bill to end the coat-tailing provision when it is debated in Parliament this week.  “New Zealanders have sent MPs a clear message. An opinion poll found more than 70… ...
    1 week ago
  • Government social sector reforms
    I’ve written previously about the major shake-up that is happening in the provision of government and community services. Yesterday, the Minister of Social Development spoke publically about what these reforms are likely to look like within MSD. There are major… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    1 week ago
  • PM must explain Saudi sheep scandal backflips
    John Key’s explanations of the Saudi sheep scandal continue to be riddled with inconsistencies and irreconcilable backflips, Labour’s Trade Spokesperson David Parker says. “Either he has been misled by his Minister Murray McCully or the Prime Minister is deliberately obfuscating… ...
    1 week ago
  • Independent investigation needed into claims scientists gagged
    Steven Joyce must launch an independent investigation into claims that scientists are being gagged, says Labour’s Science and Innovation spokesperson David Cunliffe. “When 40 percent of scientists say they are being gagged and can’t speak out on issues of public… ...
    1 week ago
  • Swamp kauri mining and exports should stop
    Seeing swamp kauri mining for the first time this week was a shock. Dark peaty soil had been stripped of its plant cover and giant excavators were digging into wet, swampy soil to unearth logs that had been buried for… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage MP
    2 weeks ago
  • MSD going down wasteful spending track
    The Ministry of Social Development is paying big salaries and forking out hundreds of thousands of dollars on management courses while at the same time looking to hand some services over to a multinational outsourcing company with an appalling track… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • South Auckland housing meeting highlights stark realities
    The stark realities of life for South Aucklanders in substandard Housing New Zealand and private rental homes were fully exposed at a South Auckland housing meeting today, Labour’s MP for Manukau East Jenny Salesa says. “Local people generously shared their… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • The Pope, the scientists, and the diplomats: getting there on the climate ...
    The Pope’s Encyclical on the climate: ‘On Care for Our Common Home’, has finally been released. Evoking St Francis before him, the Pope reminds us that “our common home is like a sister with whom we share our life, and… ...
    GreensBy Kennedy Graham MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Green Party supports Gifted Kids Awareness Week 2015
    Providing high quality teaching that caters to the specific needs of every child is an enormous challenge, but there is no investment more rewarding for society. Gifted Awareness Week gives us a chance to think about how diverse the needs… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Truck sellers still getting away with rip-offs
    The Government has admitted its brand new lending rules are already inadequate, says Labour’s Consumer Affairs Spokesman David Shearer. “Gaping holes in the Responsible Lending Code – which came into effect this month -- mean the vulnerable will not be… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Government Screws the Lid Down On Raw Milk Access
    The Government’s raw milk policy announced yesterday will make it more difficult for many consumers to access the quality product of their choice, and may even be setting up the raw milk sector to fail. The Government, in its paranoia… ...
    GreensBy Steffan Browning MP
    2 weeks ago

Public service advertisements by The Standard

Current CO2 level in the atmosphere