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notices and features - Date published:
2:05 pm, October 8th, 2015 - 100 comments
Categories: caption contest, john key, national -
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I don’t need protection for my head, there’s nothing in there that can be harmed.
Ok, so how do I look in beige?
Dazed and Confused
2017 Election campaign kicks off in Huntly
Do I get a codpiece like Bush the younger did when he proclaimed Mission Accomplished?
Do I?
looks like a yank
sounds like a yank
He has shares in bank of america, a place in hawaii….. If it looks like a duck…
“Remember: Smile, wave, scuttle and RUN” … Damn Crosby Textor for telling me that channelling Rambo is meant to be good for my macho image.
Dude’s a tactiicool operator…..
Hey Barrack, 150 yards to the green…..7 iron should do mate.
Key understood to be considering breast reduction surgery
Man bra wearer discovered by booby trap detector
What? You mean ACTUAL mines? Really?!
Bugger, no ponytails amongst this lot!
Hang on I always carry one just in case of emergency, turn around so I can attach it.
What? You want me to stick that where?
BBQ king models new apron with insulated six pack.
General McArthur role in new Jackson movie to be readvertised as PM proves too arrogant for the part.
I came here as a distraction from the TPPA but this Iraqi food has done my guts in and my PA thought I said to leave the TP behind.
Soldier: “Sorry sir, no cowards or hypocrites allowed”
Deep in Iraq with magazines and something resembling a cafe number stand in front of him, the Prime Minister tells stories of a different sort of battleground in Parnell involving the dreaded HipHop group, bodyguards and a deranged individual in close quarter combat.
The blind leading the blind !!
what is your major malfunction numbnuts?
“why is your equipment so dirty and tattered? This is my photo-op, you should have worn new gear like I did.”
” You blind boy “?
Singing under his breath through clenched teeth; “Macho macho man, I want to be a macho man………………….”
So about the Flag and Pandas …
Which way to muzzas sheep station ?
Key detours to Afghanistan to pick up a flak jacket ready for his return to NZ to face protest against the shitty TPP deal.
When I saw the leader of Iraq meeting Key last night I thought this might have gone through the good leader of Iraq’s head
“What is Obama’s caddy doing in Iraq???”
“G I John” dolls available for christmas . PM models new look for Mattel .
Solid Energy should have put up solar panels. This sun is burning mighty hot.
“when I said “behind the wire” I did think there would be more than three”
I am invincible!
From the movie..
I am bloke
How dare the US say this base is a dog
“you’re sure I’m not going to have to use a hammer?”
Ta for the offer mate but acshully my eyesight’s great as long as I just look to the right.
Daesh miss opportunity, resemble incompetent wingnuts again.
NZ Prime Minister shows support for our brave servicemen and women, serving under terrible conditions at great risk.
Like him, I am proud of them and their dedication, whatever the politics.
Not the time to sneer or take cheap shots.
Unworthy of you all.
Right winger clutches pearls, displays risible ignorance of military humour, let alone civilian.
Fuck off, dickhead.
The hatred is strong in this one. Another suffering from Key Derangement Syndrome.
Perhaps you would prefer to be over there fighting the infidels that our allies have kindly funded, so we can reinstate the kiwi bbq on 1/4 acre sections in baghdad.
http://beforeitsnews.com/opinion-conservative/2013/02/scientifically-proven-right-wingers-are-dumb-2-2585834.html
I used to cite that survey before I learnt the ratio between the psychology papers that find the hypothesis and those that attempt replication of previous results.
“Psychology” is indistinguishable from confirmation bias.
And this one!
Well said Bea. The hatred from the left when it comes to JK has been going on since he became leader of the opposition. Why don’t they just build a bridge……
“Why don’t they just build a bridge”
Cant and never will, its called envy on everything that John Key stands for.
Their attitude is not fit for the government benches.
as opposed to assaulting a waitress, insulting Tuhoe, lying about Pike River, and engaging in a massive dirty politics campaign so that idiots like you think he’s a “nice guy” ?
https://offkey.hackpad.com/Honest-John-NgiWfXTpnvD
Like a bridge, over degradation of human rights, and the rule of law, I will lay me down…
Yeah nah. I couldn’t care less about your Dear Leader: it’s the lies he represents.
As I said, the hatred is strong in this one!
So much hatred, only the left is capable of this !!
Only the Left and the Law Society and The Lancet.
Has my charitable donation to your Google-ignorance fund arrived yet Stigie?
And watch it get washed away in the next climate change flood devastation. Really? yeah thats what happens to promised bridges in election bribes how utterly utter of you Phil, Duke of Edinburgh award is in the post .
“I want to live my fantasies”.
“Permission to speak freely Sir.”
“Granted.”
“Sir, no-one here is going to escort you to enemy territory. You’re on your own.”
What are you talking about. They will be more than happy to escort him to enemy territory.
Not suddenly pulling out and leaving him behind while heading back to the safety of the base as soon as he gets out to look around. Now that is a different story. ;-p
Commander of thief’s
“Does my trade agreement look big in this?”
so why does mine have the ceramic plate pulled out and a copy of the TPPA stuffed inside the vest?
I thought photographers scoffed at ‘bird on a stick’ photos, but look, if you’re saying Barack is looking for a Kiwi on a stick to add to his ornithological collection, then, ah sure – I’m fairly comfortable with that. Just give me a moment to get ministerially relaxed….
With that aerial you can receive National Radio, is Kim Hill still on morning report. Oh….can i hang with you guys a bit longer
Yeah, yeah, I know there have been Government cuts to defense spending, but I thought we could’ve supplied you with a more realistic-looking toy gun than that one.
Key finds the safest place in the world to hang out with some kiwi’s after agreeing to the TPP deal.
“Thankyou for defending our allies”
“It ain’t me, it ain’t me,
I’m no military son, y’all.
It ain’t me, it ain’t me,
I’m no fortunate one…”
(Fortunate Son, Creedence Clearwater Revival)
“How effective is the padding on the back of the jacket? Does it stop knives as well as bullets?” said John, thinking of Judith.
Wow wearing this uniform beats tugging ponytails anyday.
“My mate Paul Henry will be adding this photo to his wank files I bet” says john
9th floor Christmas do. Paintball At Granada Park.
“Why is that guy cheering for Russia?”
Do these sunnys make me look the part?
Key: “Do I get to drink my piss like Bear Grylls?”
“Suits you Sir!”
Key: “Do you think I’m in danger here?”
Soldier: “No sir. We’ve told the terrorists that Judith Collins is the PM and you’re just an old has-been”.
give me a drone to play with
i wanna i wanna be just like obama
indiscriminate killing by remote control
Key: “What’s with the straw?”
Soldier: “It’s all we’ve got left now sir, now that you’ve spent $200,000 a piece on new BMWs, sir”.
I better keep it on when I get home, well back to NZ, ITS NOT RREALLY home eh? can I take one of those gunny things as well?
“When do I get to say mission accomplished ?, …. and do my guts look big in this ?”
A masterful hachet job by someone who has a clue: http://www.kiwipolitico.com/2015/10/another-dog-and-pony-show/
The Generalissimo can see you now !
But I thought ISIS was on our side. They are in Syria, aren’t they?
Really? They use this on people to tell the truth!
no one expects a poke in the eye with a blunt stick…. except perhaps an inside trader.
Tell me soldier :Do I look like Macarthur
Soldier; dead pan : Bite my fuckin lip jez get me out of here you’re making us a target
Oh my deluxe PM selfie stick, nearly forgot that, thank you scum bag funky…
Now when will I be Photo Bombed?
Oh don’t worry Sir, you will be Bombed!
Excellent!
Your shitting me?! This is The New, New, Air New Zealand, Cabin Uniform?
i know it doesn’t look much yet..but when I get them to vote the new flag in…………..you will have something to run up it…
Oh, Judith your joking? I know we are close..yet there is no fecking way I am shuving that up yr or my *****…..Jesus Woman that’s disgusting!
Ok, Bear, your telling me that when you were with Barack…you did Penis Shaking? Ok dokey,,,Lets do it,,and don’t let it be said i don’t do anything for my country!
Nats Fund Raising Fancy Dress Party, got off to a bad start for John……
No Sir……You have put the padded bra on the outside & upside down!
Ok,,,How comes everyone else gets a semi automatic weapon, lots of grenades and a rocket launcher and your trying to palm me off with a pointy stick?
Well, Sir, even in your Army,,we never give out arms to minors or the incompetent….
Nat Cabinet on Boys Night Out….OK, which of you Bastards just shot that fucking Panda..Its took me agessssssssss to get that!
The dickhead who gave me this baseball hat is so fired……
I defo asked for one that said USA.
You see Sir, we are going to bury, the full terms, conditions and selling off South Island in our sell out, I mean TPPA agreement treaty..right here , where I point the stick of destiny PM!
Oh Excellent Idea… No one will ever know sir……..
Richie? Are you sure that even YOU, can get away with this, on the Pitch?
Isn’t using arms in a game of rugby called cheating?
McCaw to PM…..You Liberal ********
I don’ care if you are the General In Charge of Our Forces here…….
Will you stop using that feather duster on my manhood!
How many Whitaker peanut slabs does the pouch hold?
jOHN gettin ready to conduct the troops in singing Military Madness
Can I have the batton ?Thanks soldier
“U would like me to conduct the singing of the national anthem and hold up the flag!! ? Jez get some guts Im trying to change all that”