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The Standard

“I genuinely have no clue”

Written By: - Date published: 4:04 pm, April 16th, 2013 - 53 comments
Categories: uncategorized - Tags:

Finally, John Key comes clean. Watch this!

Interesting though, how “can’t remember” has become his default answer.

53 comments on ““I genuinely have no clue””

  1. McFlock 1

    What I find fascinating is that dunnokeyo’s still a pub braggard, but he’s lost a bit of nous. What politician on their game would say they didn’t have a clue about any topic in particular? Of course the natural gimme is “clueless”.

  2. quartz 2

    Mike Smith posts a Grant Robertson question.

  3. vto 3

    Holy shit, he starts off saying he has no idea how he got the phone number. He says this twice. Then about one minute later he says he rang Queensland Directory Service (and how would he get that phone number ffs?)(and is if a PM would do that ffs). Then when questioned on how he got a cellphone number when they don’t give those out he seems to remember that the call was diverted and that was how he got the number.

    Who does Key expect to believe such a pile of bullshit?

    First he cannot remember a single thing. Then instantly he can remember explicit detail, and detail which is patently absurd no less.

    Fuck off Key – you’re embarassing the entire country.

    • felix 3.1

      It gets worse vto. 15 minutes later he seeks the leave of the house to correct that answer.


      Now he says akshully he might not have done any of that stuff that he suddenly remembered in great detail, it akshully might have been someone else that did it, if anyone did.


      • McFlock 3.1.1

        I love it.
        He gave an answer where he finally claimed to have done something personally, and then has to correct himself to say he doesn’t remember who actually did it.

        He is so forgetful he forgets to forget. The man needs an immediate cognitive evaluation!
        Or a transplant for his atrophied truthiness gland.

      • freedom 3.1.2

        surely a simple audit/search of calls from the PM’s office to Queensland Directory can clear all this up? :???:

      • emergency mike 3.1.3

        First it’s “I genuinely have no clue,” then seconds later it’s “I called directory, I was redirected to his mobile” then minutes later it’s “We cannot be 100% sure whether I rang directory or my assistant rang directory, it’s possible of either. It was either redirected or the number was given, we’re fairly sure it was redirected.”

        What does the manglish “it’s possible of either,” mean? That it’s possible that neither made the call? It’s a curious correction form Key, what’s the point? Is this just an example of the new ‘I akschully checked my facts this time and it turns out that in spite of what I just said it turns out that I really can’t recall’ John Key that he recently promised us?

        He’s gone to the next level: now he’s saying that he forgot that he couldn’t recall.

        • felix

          The purpose of the correction was to give himself an escape in case anyone checks the phone records.

          His updated story is it could have been him, it could have been his assistant or it could have been anyone else.

          • Pascal's bookie

            Pumping out fudd.

            “At different times, different things are true. That’s how time works. What is true right now about what I know, may not be true in the future, and may not have been true in the past. This much is clear. At some time, I did not have a clue. At another time his number was in my phone. And t another time from that, directory services may have been called, perhaps in NSW, perhaps from my office; now watch this drive”

            • Richard

              I thinks its a case for Key of what he knows, his known unknowns and his unknown unknowns, and knowing what bullshit lies he can get away with this week. First the WMD claim, then this Rumsfeldian moment. Its all so early 2000′s.

          • emergency mike

            Yep. Including the original “I had it on my phone,” he has now given four different answers to the simple question “How did you get Ian Fletcher’s phone number?”

            How close is John Key from jumping at the shark and getting torn to shreds? So close…

    • aj 3.2

      Dig that hole deeper JK.

    • Dr Terry 3.3

      Regretfully Key dies not embarrass the whole country – possibly near half people “pre-forgive” him, meaning he can do what and as he likes and count on their backing regardless, he has carte blanche.. The point is that ideally he “should” be an embarrassment to the whole country but human beings are strange animals most of which cannot think and have poor vision.

      What is it supposed to mean “I ‘genuinely’ have no clue”? The word “genuine” in this context is of course absurd. The thing is that either you “have no clue” or you do have a clue. Key confesses himself clueless full stop and hopes that he can soften this by throwing in the word “genuine”, the very last thing that he ever was or is..

  4. fender 4

    That has to be his most pathetic attempt at lying, he’s getting careless and clueless, what a disgrace.

    Who could vote for this crook ffs.

  5. Tigger 5

    I’d use his not remembering the Auditor General’s gender as fodder to support his ‘bad memory’ but we all know that’s just his raging sexism rearing its head.

  6. ghostrider888 6

    he he, they were laughing at him (no, not the people behind him).

  7. yeshe 7

    How does Carter let him get away with it like that ? Bad days for NZ.

    But we did have the honesty from Blingish when he fluffingly referred to “Mighty River Shower” to applause from opposition benches !

  8. Brian 8

    What a tangled web we weave….

    • Alanz 8.1

      Ahem — considerable time, effort, people and drafting versions went into reconstructing and putting together that first lot of response which the Nincompoop parroted in reply. If only you could see the material!

      Can someone (GCSB: can you help) leak the trail of documents? Perhaps post them on a website of a strategically ‘safe’ jurisdiction for the NZ public to view? Some of the material would have been saved or transmitted electronically on or via servers, so destroying hard copies or deleting them electronically will still leave copies that would, to put it politely, be quite damning.

  9. AmaKiwi 9


    And Shearer says he might support this compulsive liar’s changes to increase the powers of GCSB!

    Sometimes I wish I took mind altering drugs. Maybe then I would be able to ignore this insult to the people.

  10. NickS 10

    I see a “bright” future in stand-up comedy for Key.

  11. felix 11

    AND this all comes on top of the correction he made before question time today, a correction to his answer on the 27th of march on the same subject.

    Lies covering up other lies about lies he told before.

  12. felix 12

    Oh noes, Darien Fenton exposes ANOTHER lie from Key: http://inthehouse.co.nz/node/18148

  13. Rhinocrates 13

    Oh, that’s beautiful. My schadenfreude intensifies and becomes merkwürdigliebe. Now Key smells his own blood in the water. Keep the pressure on him, never give him a moment to recover. There may be no big scandal that brings him down, but if he suffers the death by a thousand cuts, all the better and it will be a pleasure to watch (and I would hope that Shearer suffers the death of a thousand yawns, but as Dorothy Parker said when being told of the death of Coolidge, “How could they tell?”).

    LINO’s mistake in terms of attack has been to try to portray Key as a Nehru-jacket wearing, cat-stroking James Bond villain, and that was never going to gain traction as long as his “unpretentious kiwi joker” persona held prominence. If they can push the incompetent bullshitter, Dad dancing at the wedding and the embarrassing drunk uncle at the BBQ, they may achieve more. That may seem trite and vulgar, but in fact it’s closer to the real truth of his nature.

    Now if Labour – the real Labour, and not the parasites like Hipkins – can find a leader with the eloquence, principle and charisma of Lange and the competence of Clark… instead of a leader with the eloquence and principle of rice pudding and a deputy with the charisma of a damp sock…

    • ghostrider888 13.1

      enjoyed that slap-up Rhinocrates: interesting characterisations from the pantry and the wash-house

    • Red Rosa 13.2


    • deemac 13.3

      pathetic character assassination – Shearer has no principles? how does that fit with his record? you are entitled to dislike someone but don’t pretend they have vices unless you can actually give examples, not abuse

      • Colonial Viper 13.3.1

        You mean apart from Shearer letting his team run a fact free character assassination of Cunliffe in 2012? Or is this a case of do as i say, not do as I do?

  14. vto 14

    All that is needed now is each opposition party to appear in the media once a week doubting whether they can believe anything the Prime Minister says about anything. Over and over and over. Got the traction and bite now – follow it up with repeat after repeat after repeat.

  15. North 15

    The Gosman and the Chris73 and the Bowel Motion and the Tighty Righty and the Dumb Arse are very conspicuous by their absences. Could it be that they’re they’re just too fucking embarrassed ? And nutting on about Shearer (which so many here agree with anyway) just don’t cut the mustard as a response anymore and they know it ? And they’ve taken up tatting as a hobby rather than the day-to-day circus that the pathetic little non-man Key provides ?

    Oh well…….to be honest, not really missing you malevolent dumb bastards.

    [lprent: Chris73 and dumarse have a good excuse. I banned both of them the other day for trying to insert words that weren't there into one of Helen Kelly's post. Dumarse got 2 weeks for the primary offense. Chris73 got a double up for trying to be a lawyer with these words "But I’m sure thats not whats being suggested…".

    Of course it could have been that I had the flu and was seriously pissed off at having to moderate something as stupid as that. But those are the breaks when making comments that transgress the policy. You never know which moderator and which mood they are in until after they have rewarded the prize winner. Of course they could have been luckier still and caught Irish.

    But today I'm feeling kind of mild. I have problems talking, but at least I'm no longer sleeping 18 hours a day and attempting to see how fast I can soak pillows. Bloody nasty bugs around this year... ]

    • infused 15.1

      I’m quite upset you left me out :(

      [lprent: of North's comment or my note.... I'd hate to think that you felt left out! What can I do to help. :twisted:

      Couldn't resist the straight line. ]

      • felix 15.1.1

        Don’t take this the wrong way infused, but I think North was listing the truly sycophantic govt fan club fluffers. You’re a bit more of a cynic than that lot, aren’t you?

      • emergency mike 15.1.2

        We might disagree with what you say infused, but use some semblance of a rational argument and you are welcome to say it. You are not one of them. The spotty members of the ‘let’s troll The Standard’ John Key Youth Movement listed above who fuck off to the Whalecave whenever their god does or says something fucked up are welcome to fuck off anytime.

    • TightyRighty 15.2

      I’m hungover to shit, massive night out with the finance boys celebrating how much money we all made on the last deal. That’s why I wasn’t here, hoping some fat fuck on the opposition benches could almost land a hit on our beloved by all prime minister, then watching it on the standard.

      • vto 15.2.1

        You clearly mean the finance boys who are in jail for fraud, bankrupt, shut out of future dealings, or dead from stress. What goes around comes around. Enjoy.

      • scotty 15.2.2

        How is the soggy biscuit club.? still just the three of you?

        • TightyRighty

          Bringing back repressed memories of what you did down the bank at high school scotty? Careful, that kind of shit isn’t covered by ACC, you’ll have to pay for the counselling yourself. We know how tight fisted left wingers are, dont pay for anything while relying on the government.

      • felix 15.2.3

        A couple of shandies with your mum then.

  16. Chris 16

    “I genuinely have no clue”.At last he speaks the truth!

  17. Roy 17

    Maybe, like Thatcher and Reagan, Key is developing Alzheimer’s.

  18. veutoviper 18

    Will we have another ‘clueless’ episode this afternoon in Question Time?

    Question 12:

    GRANT ROBERTSON to the Prime Minister: Does he stand by his statement on 24 September 2012 in relation to the work of the GCSB, “I think you can take confidence in the fact that to the best of my knowledge, I’ve never been informed or ever had reason to believe there’s ever been an error before”?

    Presumably this question is based on the fact that Key made this statement AFTER May and July 2012. when we now know possible problems with the GCSB legislation vis a vis NZSIS were raised with him by Neasor and Fletcher. Which makes a nonsense of “… to the best of my knowledge, I’ve never been informed or ever had reason to believe…”.

    My money is on Key trying to spin this on saying that these briefings did not represent telling him that there had not been any other errors – other than the Dotcom one.

    Or that in September, he could not recall those briefings (another brainfade).

    Or that he is not in the House this afternoon …..

    PS – A few other good questions this afternoon on other subjects – eg

    Question 4 – METIRIA TUREI to the Prime Minister: Does he stand by his reported statement in relation to Cabinet’s decision to integrate Wanganui Collegiate, that it was a very difficult decision, but he is sure it was the right thing to do; if so, why?

    Shearer has his usual at Q2 – asking the PM if he stands by all his statements.

  19. A big thumbs up to the opposition.

    It appears that there has been a tangible improvement in the opposition this year; The opposition parties are coming across strong and united. Mr Key’s “correction” shows the results of this improved strength; an indication that he’s no longer willing to leave an opening for attack, as was the case last year, he’s attempting to dot the ‘i’s and cross the ‘t’s. (as far as he is capable of, which doesn’t seem very far…)

    It is really great to see this improvement.
    Gives a vision of an organized and united government for next term
    Keep up the good work opposition parties!

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