The Government’s ‘sinking lid’ on homicides means that John Key can personally garotte 3-5 enemies and the overall number of killings will still decrease, a smiling Prime Minister told journalists today.
Since 1997, the sinking lid policy on homicide has gradually reduced the number of murders from 150 that year to 83 in 2011.
“Based on those trends, the number of murders will go down by about half a dozen this year. Which means no-one should mind if I bump off a few annoying arseholes” said Mr Key putting crosses beside names on seating map of Parliament.
“I mean, there’ll still be fewer killings than the year before, so what’s the harm?”
Asked whether the number of homicides would reduce even further if he didn’t take bloody revenge on those who had wronged him, Mr Key replied “But the number will come down even if a few certain smartarse journalists get what’s coming to them.”
“There’s a sinking lid. That means each year is lower than the year before. I really don’t see the problem here.” said the PM, sharpening his flick knives.
As of press time, Labour spokesperson for vendettas Trevor Mallard was hiding out in his family’s hometown in Sicily until the heat dies down, and was unavailable for comment.