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Bridges believes fictional character is definitely a male

Written By: - Date published: 7:22 am, November 27th, 2018 - 91 comments
Categories: making shit up, Media, national, same old national, Simon Bridges, the praiseworthy and the pitiful, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

Ho ho ho and ‘tis the season to be jolly.

The latest piece of click bait social media is the unfortunate tale of a poor Santa Claus provider who apparently lost his contract because he thought the suggestion that there could be a female Santa was heresy.

The reality appears to rather different. From Cleo Fraser at Stuff:

Last week, Neville Baker told NZME his company My Santa would not hire women to play Santa in the annual Santa Parade as he wanted the character to be as “authentic” as possible.

He elaborated on his comments in the article, saying he didn’t want children to notice Santa’s boobs and would instead dress up female applicants as Santa’s helpers in a “little skirt and top”.

Having read that I formed the firm conclusion that the trust’s decision to forgo the chance to use his services was rather appropriate.  The guy seems somewhat obsessed with the female form.

But there was the usual media beat up on the issue. Loud voices expressed the firmly held opinion that surely no one would be so dumb to suggest that a fictitious character devoted to the spreading of good will and the giving of gifts could possibly be a woman. Because …

Simon Bridges joined in and someone at Stuff came up with the headline of the year.

He said it was PC gone too far and Santa Claus is a man and that is how it should be.

This particular incident is a classic example of so much modern media, twist a story out of reality, say it is something completely different to what it is, add an anti “PC” element to it then get the usual suspects to add to the beat up.

As for Simon I would prefer that my Prime Minister actually tried to grasp and comment on reality. Trying to score cheap political points by feeding prejudice should not be in the job description.

And yes girls can do anything.

91 comments on “Bridges believes fictional character is definitely a male ”

  1. Ed 1

    “As for Simon I would prefer that my Prime Minister actually tried to grasp and comment on reality.”

    Couldn’t agree more.
    Politicians wasting their breath on this nonsense are culpable.
    Bridges wastes his time on this, rather than dedicating his tax payer funded time to dealing with the big issues that confront us.
    Fiddling while Rome burns…..

    https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcRm33p2eeeVilth-XBOCmzUFVVi8MF739gUmYPLQgrMcumzsHR9

  2. solkta 2

    “I just want a few things in life i can believe in Duncan.”

    • Ed 2.1

      Bridges sounds like he’s about 8.

    • AB 2.2

      A starter list of a few nonsensical things for Simon to believe in:
      1.) Santa is a man
      2.) Free markets are efficient and tend towards equilibrium

      • Chris T 2.2.1

        I hate to break it to you but Santa is a dude.

        The clue is in St Nick’ was a dude, and even “Claus” is a dude’s name.

        • solkta 2.2.1.1

          I hate to break it to you but Santa is a fictional character.

          • I feel love 2.2.1.1.1

            Yar irony be lost on idiots. Actors act, women can play men, men can play women, jeez Shakespeare plays were all male til a few 100 years back. The Rock plays a tooth fairy in a movie, etc…

          • Chris T 2.2.1.1.2

            Fictional character based on a real dude

            • joe90 2.2.1.1.2.1

              Actually, dude’s a fictional character based on another fictional character who’s based on another dude who may, or may not be another fictional character.

              The centuries passed. Much in this manner:

              • First century: Christ and the apostles are alive. People who knew Christ and the apostles are alive.
              • Second century: People who knew people who knew Christ and the apostles are alive.
              • Third century: People who knew people who knew people who knew Christ and the apostles are alive.
              • Fourth century: It’s anyone’s game.

              http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/014838.html#014838

              edit: the boot fits, too

              We should not speak here of Black Peter, who accompanies St. Nicholas on his rounds. Black Peter beats bad children with his cane. You were wondering what candy canes were all about, eh?

              http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/007057.html

              • Gabby

                Black Peter’s a chick y’know.

                • Sabine

                  well we call St. Niclaus little helper Kramperl. A hideous figure, clothes in sackcloth, covered in ash, no one ever saw the face of this creature, the hooded head is always looking to the floor, hands wrapped in bandages holding the twig cane firmly so as to beat the little children legs when the Holy Bishop of Barsi reads from the book of good deeds and bad deeds. Good Deads of course are rewarded with cookies, nuts, and oranges, and maybe a small piece of chocolate, however the bad children can only ever expect a few light tabs with the cane on their legs and a piece of coal. Who knows if Kramperl is female or male, considering that no one ever saw the face.

                  Black Pete, or Swarte Piet is dutch. And they have their own story.
                  Literally any country in Europe has their own St. Nicolaus traditions.

                  Also St. Nicolaus is on the 6th of December, and on that day the Bishop will come and visit the children in the neighborhood.

                  In some areas – villages, small towns, it is a local that is hired to go and do the round of all the houses, dressed in the typical garb of a bishop, sporting a Mitra, a long walking stick and a book, while the kramperl will hold the cane and the bag with goodies.

                  There is no ‘Santa’ on christmas eve, no fat arse trying to break in via the chimney, no rednosed reindeer and stuff.

                  But, if the children are not good throughout the year, St. Nicolaus and Kramperl will know all about it, and tell you on the 6th of December, and you better be good if you expect Christmas Pressies, or else the Krampus/Kramperl/ is gonna come and get ya. Its sort of a demon if you want.

                  https://www.pinterest.nz/pin/662381057665288821/

                  https://www.pinterest.nz/pin/42925002683382215/

                • What about Rudolph ?. Gender neutral ?. Gelded perhaps, is the red nose a sign of over imbibing to cover the trauma of being bullied by his peers.

                  • Sabine

                    nope no Rudolph either,

                    St. Nicolaus walks. No Reindeer in Bari.

                    but there is this lovely story about how these guys came about

                    https://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/12/131219-santa-claus-origin-history-christmas-facts-st-nicholas/

                    “In 1821 an anonymous illustrated poem entitled “The Children’s Friend” went much further in shaping the modern Santa and associating him with Christmas. “Here we finally have the appearance of a Santa Claus,” Bowler said. “They’ve taken the magical gift-bringing of St. Nicholas, stripped him of any religious characteristics, and dressed this Santa in the furs of those shaggy Germanic gift bringers.”

                    That figure brought gifts to good girls and boys, but he also sported a birch rod, the poem noted, that “directs a Parent’s hand to use when virtue’s path his sons refuse.” Santa’s thin wagon was pulled by a single reindeer—but both driver and team would get a major makeover the next year.

                    In 1822 Clement Clarke Moore wrote “A Visit From St. Nicholas,” also known as “The Night Before Christmas,” for his six children, with no intention of adding to the fledgling Santa Claus phenomenon. It was published anonymously the next year, and to this day the plump, jolly Santa described therein rides a sleigh driven by eight familiar reindeer.

                    “It went viral,” Bowler said. But familiar as the poem is, it still leaves much to the imagination, and the 19th century saw Santa appear in different-colored clothing, in sizes from miniature to massive, and in a variety of different guises. “I have a wonderful picture of him that looks exactly like George Washington riding a broomstick,” Bowler said. (Read: “Could the Remains of Santa Claus Be in This Turkish Church?”)

                    It wasn’t until the late 19th century, he added, that the image of Santa became standardized as a full-size adult, dressed in red with white fur trim, venturing out from the North Pole in a reindeer-driven sleigh and keeping an eye on children’s behavior.”

                    and

                    “The jolly, chubby, grandfatherly face of this Santa was largely created by Thomas Nast, the great political cartoonist in an era that featured many. “However, Nast did leave him half-sized,” Bowler added, “and in what I think are rather indecent long johns.”

                    Once firmly established, North America’s Santa then underwent a kind of reverse migration to Europe, replacing the scary gift bringers and adopting local names like Père Noël (France) or Father Christmas (Great Britain). “What he’s done is pretty much tame these Grimm’s Fairy Tales-type characters from the late medieval days,” Bowler said.”

              • WeTheBleeple

          • Anne 2.2.1.1.3

            He’s only a fictional character to adults. To children he is as real as the Sun. Don’t take it away from them. They only get to believe in fairies and Santa (Santa is a man) and ghosts for a short time and it helps them grow an imagination which serves them well in adulthood. Imagine a society without imagination… a very poor place indeed.

            • solkta 2.2.1.1.3.1

              Kids don’t need to believe in Santa to have an imagination. Santa has loaded messages that harm children from low income families by suggesting to them that they are not worthy.

              • Anne

                That is more a political issue – greed and selfishness exacerbated by market place neoliberal attitudes. That is what needs to change not the wonderful childhood beliefs and tales of old.

                When I was growing up children were not spoiled with masses of toys like they are today. The bulk of the population were not rich, but every child had a stocking with a few bits and bobs (colouring books and the like) and maybe one special big toy like a bike or a dolls pram (frequently second hand but spruced up) and no-one missed out.

                • solkta

                  Everything is political. The Santa myth is what it is. Myths change as they are adapted by culture. Santa has been for a long time consumerism embodied. I grew up in the 70s long before the neoliberal thing and it was the same then.

                  • Draco T Bastard

                    /agreed

                  • Anne

                    Well I’m sorry to say you missed out. Consumerism – which is part of the neoliberal myth – began to show its colours in the 1970s but it was the 1980s before it moved into full throttle.

                    I grew up in the late 40s and 50s and it was a joyous time for children… heralded about 2 to 3 weeks in advance with the Salvation Army band wandering the streets playing Xmas music. This was the days before the cars took the streets over, and it was still Xmas as it was meant to be.

              • greywarshark

                Solkta
                It appears to me you yourself have limited imagination. So then it is difficult for you to imagine what others might like to have and how they might think. You have perhaps been brought up to be literal and logical and life must be analysed and split into equal parts before anything can be done.

                • solkta

                  So because i don’t like Christmas you will judge me as having no imagination? That about sums up the fuckwitery of Christmas. Plenty of really good stories out their for kids.

            • McFlock 2.2.1.1.3.2

              Then if any of them notice you go with the mall santa excuse use for decades: you’re right, but she’s helping the real santa because he’s so busy at this time of year, you’re so smart for noticing.

            • Draco T Bastard 2.2.1.1.3.3

              Having them write the stories would develop their imaginations far better than having them believe in santa.

            • SHG 2.2.1.1.3.4

              They only get to believe in fairies and Santa (Santa is a man) and ghosts for a short time

              Please tell me more about Ratana

        • stigie 2.2.1.2

          And Mary Poppins should be a woman !!

  3. JessNZ 3

    I totally get that traditionally St Nick is male, etc, and change is Super Hard for some to even consider. I also get that the news is really about the creepily sexist comments.

    But I genuinely wonder what would happen if you gave kids the choice between sitting on Santa’s and Mrs Santa’s lap, allowing equal job opportunity… A lot of kids get scared of Santa the big strange dude.

    • Gabby 3.1

      You wouldn’t want to reinforce carer stereotypes would you jessy.

    • greywarshark 3.2

      Wasn’t the man just saying what everybody knows – that Santa is a man. What’s creepy about that. Always has been until nit-picky authoritarians with issues come along.

      • JessNZ 3.2.1

        (sigh) as in article….
        ‘He elaborated on his comments in the article, saying he didn’t want children to notice Santa’s boobs and would instead dress up female applicants as Santa’s helpers in a “little skirt and top”.”

        Creepy and sexist. Santa’s helpers are traditionally elves, not car models.

  4. Incognito 4

    Please don’t ask Simon about his views on God. Or whether the PM should be (a) male. Or the Minister of Defence. Most importantly though, for Simon, should the Leader of the Opposition be a twit or a twat? He obviously needs to believe in himself.

  5. How many mothers hide away on Christmas eve wrapping up presents for “Santa” to give their children, leading to my theory that “Santa” is and has always been a woman disguised as a man.

    • woodart 5.1

      my theory is ,that santa is a shopowner disguised as a man, who sucks in rubes to spend money they dont have , on rubbish they dont need.

  6. Nick 6

    It makes me feel quite sick that this guy is the leader of the opposition. His ability to say stupid things over and over again about soooooo many topics is astounding. Perhaps the worst part is that his colleagues voted him to be leader. The bar is set so low.

    • Chris T 6.1

      Ardern said Santa is a bloke on Hosking this morning

      Does she make you sick?

      • Nick 6.1.1

        No Chris, Jacinda doesn’t make me sick, quite the opposite. When you mentioned hosking, then the bar dropped down to soimons level.

      • bwaghorn 6.1.2

        Good on her and to be honest yesterday is the only time I can recall agreeing with bridges.
        Of course santa is a bloke . If a female wants to play Santa im good with that but sacking a dude over it is pathetic .
        I saw an ad on a rural FB post saying female preferred for a job and it didn’t bother me other than to note not a single bit of outrage followed .

        • McFlock 6.1.2.1

          Sacking a dude over the fact that he only saw roles for women if they wore little skirts and tops, on the other hand, I’m completely ok with.

      • Mr Marshy 6.1.3

        Steady Chris – socialist can’t handle logical thinking

  7. Lucy 7

    I never let my children believe in Santa – for me the idea of working hard to provide presents for your children and then to tell them that someone else bought the presents is stupid. As is telling them that an unknown man is allowed access to their room. Or that a fairy put money under their pillow when a tooth dropped out. These traditions all originated in the first half of the last century and will die out in this century.
    Santa Claus is a cola construct of a slightly older Dutch legend about a man putting a present or a piece of coal in a shoe in the porch – was a crap idea to sell a soft drink and I see no reason to keep it alive

  8. Doogs 8

    OK Lucy I see where you’re coming from but there’s a bit of PC gone mad in it as well. I know about Coca Cola’s invention and how it changed St Nicholas. I’m also aware of the nauseating American adherence to this actually quite harmless little con. As a family we let our kids believe until they didn’t believe any more. Ditto the tooth fairy. They have not grown into screwed up little nerve bundles.

    I honestly don’t see the fuss about Santa not being a woman. People can be feminist and supportive of smashing the glass ceiling without falling over backwards to create female characters where none exist. I know The Rock played the tooth fairy, but to have the TF as a guy in children’s minds . . . really! How about characters like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty as guys?

    I really do see this fuss of standing up for a female Santa as OTT and a little bit of over zealous political correctness.

  9. ianmac 9

    If God is a woman why can’t there be a Mother Christmas?

    • Gabby 9.1

      If maccy, if.

    • Heather Grimwwod 9.2

      To ianmac at 9 : I can attest that there IS a mother/Mrs Christmas!!! I saw her alternate with Mr Santa in peering down through the person-hole in the ceiling of the St Bathans’ Hall in 1935 …very scary and puzzling. However she turned out to be of most kindly generous nature when she came in the door and dispensed her booty.

  10. DJ Ward 10

    The firing of the person is wrong.

    Human Rights Act.

    28 Exceptions for purposes of religion (erroneous claim but ‘arguable’)
    And
    27 (1) Exceptions in relation to authenticity and privacy. (It’s legal to exclude a gender)

    I hope the person who fired Santa doesn’t actually hate men.

    A person who applies to play Queen Elizabeth in a movie can be excluded if they are male, even if they are the best actor who applied. And rightly so.

    Superman is a man, Wonder Woman is a Woman, Dracula is a man, Lady Justice is a woman, etc etc.

    The borderline for the argument exists in terms like Midwife. But I’d does not exist in fixed gender fictional characters.

    If feminists wish to hire a female Santa, or create a movie with a female playing Santa there is no barrier. But there is no law that allows a person to be fired for not accepting the possibility.

  11. greywarshark 11

    Implying that Santa Claus is a fictional character and therefore the argument is risible misses the point. We identify with Santa as a kindly male figure; for gods sake we need more kindly male figures, leave him alone. He is a beacon going round to ALL children giving them things, and keeps that ideaof generosity and thinking of others alive in men’s minds. Let us have more men who think like Santa and being good to children. And have less violent man, profit man, efficiency man, landlord man.

    • solkta 11.1

      He is a beacon going round to ALL children giving them things

      No he isn’t. He is an arsehole. He doesn’t give stuff to poor kids and the wealthier the parents the better the present. Santa is more about defining social position than anything else.

      • greywarshark 11.1.1

        It’s the IDEA solkta. Keep the idea alive or we will end up with less than our present diminished state. I have hope we can improve this, so keep the idea alive, and give poor people some little fun to look forward to, some colourful ritual – even Halloween which I now embrace – and don’t be such a Scrooge.

        And others please don’t bring up the bit about it being commercialised and getting people into debt. The way round that is to have night classes during the year where people can gather and work together making their own things for Christmas. This would be community building and transport would be provided for the poor families. This would be the intelligent way of having an affordable Christmas and increasing social mixing and wellbeing, and there would be help with materials also. That would be a positive response to cost and commercialisation, not just dismiss the whole festival altogether.

        Don’t take all the fun out of life by applying some measure to it looking at it judgmentally and when it isn’t perfect saying “Well it doesn’t satisfy me, it isn’t fair and equitable to everyone, so we won’t have it at all.” Sounds like stern,
        joyless, critical, authoritarian parent, and the kids say Oh in disappointed voices.

        • solkta 11.1.1.1

          There are plenty of local and meaningful things to celebrate like Matariki.

          Best time to celebrate kids is on their birthday.

          • greywarshark 11.1.1.1.1

            So you want to decide do you? You want to be one of the managing middle class, tell everyone what to do, decide what’s right, how to do it, and if that is not what is wanted, you tell them quietly and nicely how wrong they are, and you are wiser and more informed.

            I’ve got an idea that feeling is at the heart of why a large number of people voted for Trump. Too much ordering around and interference from those of a higher calibre. Makes them want to get out their weapons of a certain calibre.

            Kids can still have their birthdays, Matariki is a special festival that is being included in our regular observances. Christmas is something the whole community can enjoy, and most do. It encourages people to think of others and give them gifts, and they don’t have to be expensive. And it is related to Christianity and encourages people to think of religious observance and community in its best form. If it is too plebeian for you, just let it be enjoyed by ‘those people’. It is no business of yours if they like to have their innocent pleasures.

            • solkta 11.1.1.1.1.1

              I’m not deciding for you. I’m just criticising a really crap tradition from my own culture. You don’t seem able to take a step back and have a wider think.

              • greywarshark

                don
                t read my explanation of why Christmas is good. I guess I can’t expect a higher level intellect to understand low basic happiness.

      • Sabine 11.1.2

        +1

      • Ed 11.1.3

        Christmas was only commercialised when capitalism saw it could be used to sell more crap.

  12. DJ Ward 12

    Santa was an arsehole to me one year.

    All I got was my older brothers used clothes.

    Kept to tradition as well, wrapped in paper from the year before.

    • Gabby 12.1

      You should have been a better little boy dud4. Just be grateful they weren’t your sisters’ clothes.

      • DJ Ward 12.1.1

        Yes I didn’t have a sister until about 15 years later. What do I wear today?
        My birthday suit?

  13. Sabine 13

    Have St. Nicolaus on the 6th of December – because it is a neat tradition, and then simply have the birth of Christ – if you are so inclined – on the eve of the 24th. Celebrate the birth of Christ with the giving of gifts, a small dinner and then off to the Christmas Mess – a lovely thing to do when you are a child and its cold, dark, stars are out, lights are all on. Truly a winter wonder land. Here in NZ we can go in shorts :), still strange to me.
    The 25th and in Germany the 26th are statutory Christmas Holidays, were people meet to exchange gifts and eat and drink and generally be merry.
    And this can be explained to children, and they will have no issues accepting it and believing it, cause St. Nicolaus, the bishop of Bari did exist, and he distributed food and needed items to the poor.

    If we take this into context of Europe being in winter, just about to reach the coldest part of winter – January which before global warming and such could easily hit up to -25 degrees Celsius, this would have been the last feast of the season, together with New Years eve, and the finishing of of hte Christmas Season with the arrival of the three Kings, the blessing of the Houses by the local priest, on January 6th. Also called the Epiphany, celebrated with another round of small gifts, the local priest showing up with holy water and chalk, and King Singers in front of your property marking the door in chalk to bless the house and all those that live in there.
    Again, you can see the blessings often all throughout the year all over Europe, as these blessings are not washed off.

    https://us.123rf.com/450wm/fermate/fermate1512/fermate151200026/50505192-epiphany-day-sign-of-blessing-written-on-a-front-door-with-the-year-2016-and-the-initials-cmb-for-ca.jpg?ver=6

    After that come the fasting times, the unholy week of Carnevale (fest of he meat) or Fasching, followed by Ash Wednesday, some more fasting until the Easter Period starts.

    Simon Bridges is a tiny little uninspired man, living a tiny little uninspired life.

    now i ago back into my kitchen making chocolate Santas, cause Christmas is coming and it demands chocolate.

  14. Puckish Rogue 14

    Well if we’re being completely honest no matter what Bridges said on this matter would have been twisted negatively

    For example if he’d said something like “I don’t teach my kids to believe in Santa” then the headline would have been something along the lines of:

    Simon Bridges:Grinch

    Simon Bridges proves he’s a Grinch (like all Torys) by denying his children the magic of Christmas

    • Sabine 14.1

      The thing is that he actually does not have anything to say about it at all. How bout that?

      I mean, seriously he could say ‘for me’ or he could say ‘ to each their own’. Or or or.

      But this feels a bit like the ‘Santa is white’ comment from Megyn Kelly in the US. Like seriously, maybe in her household Santa is white, but that is because she is white, but talk about stupid, empty headed and pointless. This is the same.

      It should be to everyone what everyone wants it to be. Christmas in the best of tradition is a fest of revival, survival, and sharing. Not a consumer mayhem leaving everyone stressed, angry, disappointed, and shaking their heads.

      • DJ Ward 14.1.1

        That is the difference between a tradition and a fact.

        It’s a fact the fictional character Santa is a man.

        Megyn Kelly’s tradition is that Santa is White.

        Technically a person living at the North Pole is an Eskimo or other brown skinned group. A Santa in the Congo will be traditionally black but will always be male.

        I’m looking forward to the deconstruction of female fictional characters, like a Snow White movie played by a black man poisoned by an evil King and Princess Charming who once was a man.

        • Sabine 14.1.1.1

          Snow white was a stately prince born with hair black as ebony, skin as white as the snow and lips as red as a blood red rose.
          His Stepmother, an evil witch could not bare to compete in beauty with a mere male so she instructed a hunter to take the young prince into the forrest and kill him there, bringing his heart as proof that the boy was killed. Once the hunter arrived at the killing fields he could not complete the task as the boy was so young, innocent and told the child to run in the forrest and be never seen again. Instead of the boy the hunter killed a dear, cut out the heart of the carcass and send this heart, still dripping with blood to his Queen. Thus satisfied the queen lived happily for a while. But then, one day again consulting her mirror, she realized that the hunter had betrayed her, that the child still lived and so she set out to kill the boy herself.
          The boy in the meantime has found shelter with a bunch of gnomes and lived with them, and took care of general things he could do in the household such as sweeping the floors, washing the dishes etc. The gnomes themselves found the child to be a nice company to keep and wowed to assure that no harm would come to the child. Yet, one day, while the boy was going about his everyday tasks, an old women carrying a basket full of apples approached him. Apples, she said, beautiful ripe and juicy apples, fit for a prince, she said. The boy, a bit hot from all the yard work, approached the old women and asked for one of the apples, which she gave him. He took a bit, and instantly dropped to the floor unconscious. The old women laughed, and disappeared in to the Forrest. Upon their return from work the gnomes realised something was wrong as there was no fire coming from the chimney, and carefully approached the house, finding the young prince on the floor where he dropped earlier that they. They could not revive him, and eventually decided that it was best for him to be buried. So they build a coffin of glass, and put the young boy in it, where he stayed for years and years. Oddly tho, it seemed that the boy grew into a handsome young man. On day….many many years later a young princess out on horseback with her entourage came by the coffin made from glass and fell in love – head over heals – with the beautiful young man in it. She ordered her guards to lift the top of the coffin, so that she could kiss the young man. Doing so, suddenly the prince stirred, coughing up a small piece of poisoned apple, and thus was revived again, with a kiss of pure love. …..the prince and the princess lived happily ever after once they dispatched the evil old witch aka stepmother to be burned at the stake and had many many pretty children.

          I would posit that maybe snow white was never a princess to begin with but rather a vampire. Consider the black hair, white bloodless skin, and blood drenched lips. Hence her Step Mothers wish to have her killed, her heart cut out to assure her that Snow White was dead. Also would explain her not getting lost in the forrest, being able to convince the gnomes to live there etc. But that would be a story for another night.

          In saying that, St. Nicolaus is the christian tradition that did away with a pagan tradition. Yule Log, winter solstice etc.
          Santa Claus is a tradition that did away with the christian tradition of St. Nicolaus.

          And women ‘interpretating’ or ‘acting’ any one of these characters should be of no offense to anyone not called Simon Bridges.

          • DJ Ward 14.1.1.1.1

            Yes that was pretty good.

            The only thing you got wrong is Snow White was never able to consent to the kiss.

            • Puckish Rogue 14.1.1.1.1.1

              Also I expect Ed will be none to pleased with this: line “Instead of the boy the hunter killed a dear, cut out the heart of the carcass and send this heart, still dripping with blood to his Queen”

              • Sabine

                It was a very wasteful killing of a dear. In my extended story i will lay out the meal he cooked himself with the meat, the coat he made from the fur, the buttons made from the horn of the deer, and the many many people that got to partake in this feast. You see ordinary people did not have a permit to kill deer in the royal forests, so this was an exception, and the hunter not being an unkind bloke put on a bqq for everyone that could come – rich or very poor – that would put James in a bind to do better the following year. But that too will be a story for another night.

            • Sabine 14.1.1.1.1.2

              True that, but then it woke him up. So there. And hey, maybe the virgin princess literally just blew a kiss on his cheek? its not the kiss that woke him up, its the pure love that was delivered that mattered.

              But then, that too would be a story for another night.

              bye now.

    • bwaghorn 14.2

      He says so many stupid things and the one time he says something that was of no note we get this shit .

  15. SHG 15

    I can’t believe there is nothing more important to NZ than this shit.

  16. McFlock 16

    Fucksake.

    Santa might be thought of as a man, but on a truck 50 yards away a freaking robot can play the role. Santa is portrayed as being obese. Of course Santa, if Santa were real, would have boobs.

    • DJ Ward 16.1

      The boobs and pregnant to represent the too much cookies and milk, dad bod, beer gut. You forgot the traditional nose a well. Definately an alcoholic, pregnant woman job.

  17. I feel love 17

    Simon shoulda just said “Ho ho ho”.

  18. shadrach 18

    A bit naughty in this one Mickey.

    For example this:
    “Loud voices expressed the firmly held opinion that surely no one would be so dumb to suggest that a fictitious character devoted to the spreading of good will and the giving of gifts could possibly be a woman. Because …”

    A pure straw man. No loud voices expressed anything about such a character, per se. The voices are expressing an opinion about Father Christmas, specifically. Who is male.

  19. Mr Marshy 19

    Lol you socialists are really quite a sad bunch, but never fail to amuse. So pretty much the whole world associates this ‘fictional’ character as a male. And yet you are trying to ridicule Bridges over it. You really should find an actual story to report on. How about the tail between the legs back-down over labour reform thanks to Peters? No? No comment?

  20. cleangreen 20

    Why have i gone off xmas after seeing these images?

  21. Anne 21

    Well I’m sorry to say you missed out. Consumerism – which is part of the neoliberal myth – began to show its colours in the 1970s but it was the 1980s before it moved into full throttle.

    I grew up in the late 40s and 50s and it was a joyous time for children… heralded about 2 to 3 weeks in advance with the Salvation Army band wandering the streets playing Xmas music. This was the days before the cars took the streets over and it was still Xmas as it was meant to be.

  22. the other pat 22

    man oh man….from so many zillion years ago from St Nick thru to Santa….has always been a male……jesus mother was a woman…..we gunna say she was trans gender now… or could be a man???……FFS….find something better to worry about people.

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