Caption competition (animated!)

115 comments on “Caption competition (animated!) ”

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1. Hayden 1

   9 March 2015 at 4:06 pm

   Knock knock

   Who’s there?

   Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock…

   John, let someone else do it.
2. lprent 2

   9 March 2015 at 4:07 pm

   Can’t nail that.

   Who’d trust anything from this builder?
3. philj 3

   9 March 2015 at 4:14 pm

   Hmmm … nail it or screw it? We’re ffff’d either way. Hmmmm. … I’ve an idea … Bridges! Bridges! Simply brulliant!
4. marty mars 4

   9 March 2015 at 4:14 pm

   bloody useless hammer
5. les 5

   9 March 2015 at 4:15 pm

   imagine this is the final nail…in Winstons…coffin!
6. r0b 6

   9 March 2015 at 4:17 pm

   Same way we hit all our targets.
7. r0b 7

   9 March 2015 at 4:19 pm

   Am I holding the right end?
8. McFlock 8

   9 March 2015 at 4:20 pm

   A nice photo-op of me nailing up a placard? Sure. If plebs can do it, how hard can it be?

   Not quite walking the plank, but another nail in the coffin of this government.
9. wonderpup 9

   9 March 2015 at 4:23 pm

   The thing about having a B. Com., is that I can manage someone who can actually do things, rather than having to know how to do them myself.
10. McFlock 10

    9 March 2015 at 4:32 pm

    Lots of noise, no results. Just how Crosby Textor tell me to run the government.
11. Clemgeopin 11

    9 March 2015 at 4:34 pm

    Dear John, you may try to stupidly nail Winston and Andrew, but that is all in vain, because you can’t keep two good strong men down.

    P.S :
    Don’t forget to revisit that hoarding on the eve of march 28 to remove your nails, including the bent ones, to use in further bi-elections during this term!
12. McFlock 12

    9 March 2015 at 4:36 pm

    In all seriousness, how did he manage to get the nail in the wood in the first place – was it already nailed in there for him to flail his hammer at it like a wet towel?
13. marty mars 13

    9 March 2015 at 4:37 pm

    I don’t like this hammer can you get me another.
14. One Anonymous Bloke 14

    9 March 2015 at 4:41 pm

    Move over, Winston’s brought a nail gun.
15. Adrian 15

    9 March 2015 at 4:42 pm

    ” What is this funny looking thing, and what’s that thing in the wood stuff….what ? hit it, this isn’t a proper job…there’s no desk of screens or phone”
16. r0b 16

    9 March 2015 at 4:49 pm

    Just pretend its a beneficiary and bash it!
17. Fee 17

    9 March 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Every time you see me that Hammer’s just so hype
    I’m dope on the floor and I’m magic on the mic
    Now why would I ever stop doing this
    With others makin’ records that just don’t hit
    I toured around the world from London to the bank
    It’s Hammer go Hammer
    It’s a Hammer yo Hammer and the rest go and play
18. Naturesong 18

    9 March 2015 at 4:57 pm

    What I’d like to see a politician singing when wielding a hammer:
    “If I had a hammer,
    I’d hammer in the morning
    I’d hammer in the evening,
    All over this land.

    I’d hammer out danger,
    I’d hammer out a warning,
    I’d hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    If I had a bell,
    I’d ring it in the morning,
    I’d ring it in the evening,
    All over this land.

    I’d ring out danger,
    I’d ring out a warning
    I’d ring out love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    If I had a song,
    I’d sing it in the morning,
    I’d sing it in the evening,
    All over this land.

    I’d sing out danger,
    I’d sing out a warning
    I’d sing out love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    Well I got a hammer,
    And I got a bell,
    And I got a song to sing, all over this land.

    It’s the hammer of Justice,
    It’s the bell of Freedom,
    It’s the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    It’s the hammer of Justice,
    It’s the bell of Freedom,
    It’s the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land”

    Youtube:Pete Seeger (Live 1956)
    • tricledrown 18.1

      9 March 2015 at 9:03 pm

      Keys Keynsian vote buying.
      Keys Hammer ways are as bad as his
      Cyckle ways.
19. felix 19

    9 March 2015 at 4:59 pm

    You know that guy who promised to build us ten bridges? We haven’t signed anything yet, have we?
20. Mike Smith 20

    9 March 2015 at 5:03 pm

    Hits the nail on the head!
21. vto 21

    9 March 2015 at 5:03 pm

    That is the most useless effort I have seen with a hammer for a very long time. Looks like he’s never used one.

    podgy
    no muscles
    cant swing a hammer
    can only clip the ticket on money trading….

    I give you folks …………. the most useless man in the world!
22. Paul Campbell 22

    9 March 2015 at 5:08 pm

    Um, John, the placard we’re nailing on is up here
23. repateet 23

    9 March 2015 at 5:09 pm

    With respect to Tony Orlando and Knock Three Times: (Sorry I don’t have the expertise to add a soundtrack, you’ll have to sing it yourself)

    Hey John, what ya doin’ down there?

    Bangin’ a nail all alone

    While we live right around you

    You can hear the votes a going
    We can hear the bribes a coming
    What will the next be
    We’re mates now you need us now you’re in poo

    Oh, my PM, knock three times

    On the nails if you want me

    You have the hype,

    Now you want my vote

    Oh, such crawling
    
After forgetting us always
    
So, tricks of that type

    Means you ain’t got a show.
24. Chrys Berryman 24

    9 March 2015 at 5:11 pm

    ………….If I was a money trader…and a little bit shady
    would you vote for me anyway…would you catch my corporate rabies
    apologies J.Cash and all carpenters
25. felix 25

    9 March 2015 at 5:12 pm

    “Ordinary kiwi bloke seeking work in the building industry. No 90 day trials please. Not much experience but have a cabinet full of tools.”
    • Molly 25.1

      9 March 2015 at 6:15 pm

      … cabinet full of tools …. 🙂
    • adam 25.2

      9 March 2015 at 8:20 pm

      ouch
26. Hayden 26

    9 March 2015 at 5:12 pm

    If only there were someone in Cabinet who could teach turds how to swing a hammer.
    • veutoviper 26.1

      9 March 2015 at 9:05 pm

      Brownlee perhaps?
      • Hayden 26.1.1

        9 March 2015 at 9:24 pm

        That was the joke, yes. 😉
27. Sable 27

    9 March 2015 at 5:15 pm

    The only real work I’ve done in the last six years…..
28. Pasupial 28

    9 March 2015 at 5:20 pm

    Key responds to criticism of his unhandiwork:

    “A builder may say that that’s not how you do the job – but that’s just one view, and like lawyers, I can provide you with another one that will give you a counterview.”
29. joe90 29

    9 March 2015 at 5:51 pm

    Dear leader hammers home his message…
30. Sans Cle 30

    9 March 2015 at 5:52 pm

    “Osborne!…..Get over here quick!……I understand you know how to get your nails done”
    • veutoviper 30.1

      9 March 2015 at 9:09 pm

      LOL – but seriously, when I first saw Key’s attempts last night on TV3 News (I think) Osbourne was shown as coming in behind Key and nailing the (nail) in one almighty swing! So perhaps he has his uses/skills ……
      • veutoviper 30.1.1

        9 March 2015 at 9:41 pm

        Yes – Osbourne does know how to swing a hammer, but still took him a few swings …. Just a couple of seconds in on this TV3 News video

        http://www.3news.co.nz/nznews/national-pulls-out-team-key-in-northland-2015030717?ref=video
        • Clemgeopin 30.1.1.1

          9 March 2015 at 9:53 pm

          I found the equally funny part in that video was at about 1:40 when papa Key assures the nervous little Osborne telling him, ” Come here, you will be totally fine”! Nice daddy! That alone should secure Osborne a few sympathy votes out of pity.
          • veutoviper 30.1.1.1.1

            9 March 2015 at 10:45 pm

            I had forgotten about that! Laughed when I saw it last night but only replayed the video tonight long enough to find Osborne doing a reasonably competent job nailing.

            I am too tired now, but I am now trying to recall whether this TV3 News video is also the one showing Osborne acting as a photographer for Key, taking photos of Key with admiring sychophants ….. rather than being the centre of attention as the Nat candidate.

            I actually feel a miniscule bit sorry for Osborne. He seems to be way out of his depth; but at the end of the day, he must take personal responsibility for making some bad life choices – eg. joining National and running as a Nat candidate.

            I also laughed when I saw the Key nailing video put up as a caption competition – this had not crossed my mind when I posted it on Open Mike earlier today.

            Yesterday I also found – and then lost – a wonderful photoshopped version of this photo of Steven Joyce ‘helping’ put up Osborne billboards on Saturday (retweeted by none other than Patrick Gower)

            https://twitter.com/stevenljoyce/status/573686427516465153
            ( The comments in this thread are well worth reading …)

            The photoshopped version,which I would love to refind but haven’t been able to,replaced the photo of Key with a photo of he who cannot be named but whose initials are M S.
            • Sans Cle 30.1.1.1.1.1

              9 March 2015 at 11:11 pm

              Yes, it was at end of that clip when Osborne took a picture of Key and fans! Tragically funny – poor guy.

              Was this the Twitter pic you meant?
              http://t.co/XFhW3zgvNN
              • Clemgeopin …

                9 March 2015 at 11:43 pm

                @Sans Cle

                Funny! All these five hoarding dudes seem to have lost some of their hair! I had thought till now that these rich nincompoops had only lost their head, heart and soul!
                • Sans Cle …

                  9 March 2015 at 11:58 pm

                  Oh, no flies on Osborne! Astute for business! Bringing in new clients while canvassing!
              • veutoviper …

                10 March 2015 at 8:23 am

                YES! Thanks so much for finding it. Also love Clemgeopin’s one below.

                As they are rather lost here, I have taken the liberty of reposting all of these links on open Mike today plus a link to one or two more.
            • Clemgeopin 30.1.1.1.1.2

              9 March 2015 at 11:58 pm

              “https://twitter.com/stevenljoyce/status/573686427516465153
              ( The comments in this thread are well worth reading …)”

              Yes, thanks. I enjoyed the comments there!

              Here is another funny hoarding I found on the TV3 site:

              http://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/1813/4074/original.jpg?w=600&h
31. fender 31

    9 March 2015 at 6:12 pm

    Wimp without guts can’t even accomplish what kids at kindy can do.

    Can’t wait to see him get thrown on his arse from the recoil when [r0b: slightly over the top] in Iraq.
32. dan1 32

    9 March 2015 at 6:21 pm

    Reminds me very much of Don Brash getting into the midget at Western Springs: totally gormless!
    • tricledrown 32.1

      9 March 2015 at 7:46 pm

      Don’t Brash walking the Slippery plank the week he was stabbed in the back by Key.
      Now Keys support is planking.
      Can’t hold a hammer because to much ,……..g
      Karmas a bitch a bridge to far.
      Simple simon says.
      Trying to claw his way back up North.
      After decades of neglect by National
      Key misses the point that after Sabin National is unfashionable.
33. Skinny 33

    9 March 2015 at 6:27 pm

    “David are you sure your polling says there is ‘zero chance’ I can’t nail this.” 🙂
34. philj 34

    9 March 2015 at 6:30 pm

    John Key or John Keys Office shows how to miss hitting the nail on the head.He says it was his intention all along. John Armstrong agrees, ‘He’s not a professional, he’s an hammer chewer.”
35. hoom 35

    9 March 2015 at 6:32 pm

    Building is low skill.
    Builders made poor life choices.
    ‘I’ve spent years & years DIY building stuff around my various properties.’
    Bent as a nail.
36. tricledrown 36

    9 March 2015 at 6:37 pm

    A poor tradesman blames his tool.
37. mac1 37

    9 March 2015 at 6:37 pm

    “Tha needs a big hammer to bang in a big nail, lad.” Fred Trueman.
38. tricledrown 38

    9 March 2015 at 6:39 pm

    Key hammers away at the oposition fails to connect with voters.
39. tricledrown 39

    9 March 2015 at 6:43 pm

    Theirs a man who,s never done an honest days work.
40. Skinny 40

    9 March 2015 at 6:45 pm

    “What do you mean David your polling now tells you ‘zero chance’ I can nail this.”
41. mac1 41

    9 March 2015 at 6:45 pm

    John Key demonstrates why there are two prices for ten bridges. This is the $69 million model.
42. mac1 42

    9 March 2015 at 6:46 pm

    Ow! I can see why they’re called hammer hands!”
43. Clemgeopin 43

    9 March 2015 at 6:51 pm

    Tut, tut John, you were asked to screw it, not waste your time, effort and bribes trying to hammer a hopeless plank up !
44. tricledrown 44

    9 March 2015 at 6:52 pm

    You can’t touch this mc hammer.
45. Ecosse_Maidy 45

    9 March 2015 at 6:55 pm

    When I watched Bob The Builder do this he made it look so easy!
    How hard can this be!?!

    Ouchhhhh Ma Fucking ********** basttttt fucking, jesus h,,,, arghhhhhhhh…..call a private ambulance now!
46. Ecosse_Maidy 46

    9 March 2015 at 6:57 pm

    No Commander in Chief…the election is over….

    We are here to take the placard down….

    CEO: If I wanna hammer i shall, fook you!
47. Ecosse_Maidy 47

    9 March 2015 at 6:59 pm

    Hey, I knew when we all did some DIY Cosmetic Surgery on Paula, that hammering would come in handy in other ways!
48. tricledrown 48

    9 March 2015 at 6:59 pm

    John Key to slippery to hold on to hammer.
49. Ecosse_Maidy 49

    9 March 2015 at 7:00 pm

    Ok, which of you Fuckos is singing a 9 inch nail track???
50. te reo putake 50

    9 March 2015 at 7:01 pm

    So, if Labour say I didn’t hit the nail, that’s just more proof of their dirty politics, ackshully. And when I said I’d resign if I couldn’t hit a large nail with a bloody big hammer, I didn’t mean this specific nail and and what’s a hammer really anyway?

    Look, what New Zullenders want to know is what would Andrew Little do different? Um, yes, I know he used to be head of the Engineers union, so he’d probably use a drill, which is typical of the left, always wasting taxpayers money by using the right tool for the job when a perfectly good hammer could do it for half the cost. Ha ha, missed again, wait, wait, I’ll get it this time. Osborne, stop shaking and hold that screw straight. No, I did not say screw, and if Hager says I did, he’ll be proved wrong again. Whoops, sorry Mark, that didn’t hurt did it?
51. Ecosse_Maidy 51

    9 March 2015 at 7:01 pm

    Take that placard! Feel My Wrath!
    Fruit Flies & IS,,Be warned…I am now armed!”
52. Ecosse_Maidy 52

    9 March 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Right if Labour aint gonna placard in Northland , I shall help put up some Labour placards…
53. Ecosse_Maidy 53

    9 March 2015 at 7:10 pm

    Phew, that was hard work!

    Is that the last of the Social Housing stock for Keys DIY Demolition?
54. ankerawshark 54

    9 March 2015 at 7:10 pm

    Umm……….John good for nothing Key.
55. Ecosse_Maidy 55

    9 March 2015 at 7:12 pm

    Are you absolutely sure, that if I hit this nail it will pierce Pgtricks brain cell?
56. Ecosse_Maidy 56

    9 March 2015 at 7:13 pm

    Easter time approaches….Keys decides to bring back Public Crucifixion for non National Voters….and in PR shot shows off his Crucifixion Nail Hitting Skills
57. Ecosse_Maidy 57

    9 March 2015 at 7:15 pm

    No PM Mrs Keys said knit one purl one….not hit nail purl one
58. Ecosse_Maidy 58

    9 March 2015 at 7:18 pm

    PM takes the orginal and does it his way…..”Iffffffffffff I had a nail sub machine gunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn , I would …..”
59. McFlock 59

    9 March 2015 at 7:19 pm

    Quoth the Craven politician
    (edited highlights, plagiarised from Poe. )

    Once upon a by-election dreary, while I pondered my vote, weak and weary,
    Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten promised law—
    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
    As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
    “’Tis some pork-barreller,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
    Only this and nothing more.”

    […]
    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
    Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
    But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
    And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “About Sabin – you knew before??”
    This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Before!”—
    Merely this and nothing more.

    […]

    Much I marvelled this ungainly foulness to hear discourse plainly,
    Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;
    For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
    Would have made him candidate, had they known before —
    Neither bird or beast upon the land would have asked the voters him adore,
    For fear the voters claim “Nevermore.”
    • Lanthanide 59.1

      9 March 2015 at 10:53 pm

      An Amazon review for Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz

      http://www.amazon.com/review/RXXPVOUH9NLL3/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B00032G1S0&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=16310101&store=grocery

      Interestingly it only seems to be available from affiliates, rather than Amazon directly. I kind of wonder if they keep it listed, just for the reviews.
      • McFlock 59.1.1

        9 March 2015 at 11:42 pm

        ha!
60. Ecosse_Maidy 60

    9 March 2015 at 7:20 pm

    PM…? I really think you need to wear yr specs,,,,,That is not a nine iron and the placard isn’t Mr Obama”
61. ankerawshark 61

    9 March 2015 at 7:26 pm

    Adapted from the song “You’ve better Knock, knock, knock on wood”.

    I don’t want to lose here,
    This seat, to Winston P
    ‘Cause if I do, I will surely
    Surely lose my majority!

    ‘Cause winning , is better
    than any love I know
    It’s like thunder, lightning
    The power I crave is frightening
    You better knock, knock,
    on wood, baby, oooh ooh oooh oooh ooh, baby

    Read more: Amii Stewart – Knock On Wood Lyrics | MetroLyrics
62. Ecosse_Maidy 62

    9 March 2015 at 7:29 pm

    PM’s, penal extension, came in semi useful, at last
63. Ecosse_Maidy 63

    9 March 2015 at 7:30 pm

    Iffffffffffff i had a hammer, i would be looking for a sickleeeeeeeeeee
    ….doo bee dooo
64. Ecosse_Maidy 64

    9 March 2015 at 7:33 pm

    At last,,,that should keep her from going on and on and on……I have finaly put Mrs Keys shelves,,,right hammer time,,,last one to the pub…….is Pete George
65. Ecosse_Maidy 65

    9 March 2015 at 7:37 pm

    PM (LORD KEYS)
    “You are My war-club, My weapon of war; And with you I shatter nations, And with you I destroy kingdoms.

    aww Thanks for the hammer guys.
66. Ecosse_Maidy 66

    9 March 2015 at 7:41 pm

    PM, denies rebuilding of Christchurch is way behind schedule and under funded and pitches in himself…
67. Tautoko Mangō Mata 67

    9 March 2015 at 7:49 pm

    ..should have gone to Spec-Savers!
    • ankerawshark 67.1

      9 March 2015 at 8:52 pm

      TMM @ 67 lol
68. tricledrown 68

    9 March 2015 at 7:51 pm

    PimpKey hammering is as good as his memory.
    Hit and mis.
69. b waghorn 69

    9 March 2015 at 8:00 pm

    Why if I have lacky s like Seymour and Dunne do I still have to get my hands dirty?
70. Neil 70

    9 March 2015 at 8:02 pm

    I want to apologize for being a man.
    • Tautoko Mangō Mata 70.1

      9 March 2015 at 8:16 pm

      Heh!
    • Sans Cle 70.2

      9 March 2015 at 8:27 pm

      ROFL! Words spoken on International Woman’s Day!
71. Tautoko Mangō Mata 71

    9 March 2015 at 8:07 pm

    XKEYSCORE
72. marty mars 72

    9 March 2015 at 8:14 pm

    God issues recall on latest Noah
73. Wynston 73

    9 March 2015 at 8:21 pm

    Shit! Missed again! Not to worry though, I’ll just deny (it as usual) ..
74. capn insano 74

    9 March 2015 at 8:29 pm

    “Why couldn’t we just pay some poor person to do this for me?”
75. Hateatea 75

    9 March 2015 at 8:36 pm

    I better not lose my day job ‘cos I have no future in this one
76. Clemgeopin 76

    9 March 2015 at 8:51 pm

    “I know noticed my nails got bent but what worries me more is that the people of this country have started getting ready to hammer their final nail”
77. tricledrown 77

    9 March 2015 at 9:09 pm

    Key was to hammered to nail it.
    Key should be investigated by OSH
    Drunk in the workplace.
    Wearing his beer goggles .
78. saveNZ 78

    9 March 2015 at 9:18 pm

    John Key, never done a hard days work in his life.
79. tricledrown 79

    9 March 2015 at 9:18 pm

    Who the f put whaloil on my tool
80. saveNZ 80

    9 March 2015 at 9:21 pm

    No wonder there is a housing shortage in NZ!
81. saveNZ 81

    9 March 2015 at 9:32 pm

    My hands are too soft for manual labour….
    Years of currency speculation mean I can’t lift a finger….
82. marty mars 82

    9 March 2015 at 9:48 pm

    liarius obnoxinae – hammerhand snake
83. Clemgeopin 83

    9 March 2015 at 10:01 pm

    “Look, help me here. I can’t honestly recall. Which one is the hammer and which one is the nail?”
84. Incognito 84

    9 March 2015 at 10:16 pm

    Key is ten times better than the famous illusionist Uri Geller; he can bent and straighten a nail without even touching it but by just using sheer willpower and incessant chanting in a strange accent only known to the Old Druids from Middle Earth. What’s more is that he looks so relaxed and comfortable casting this mind-bending spell on the hapless viewer. I certainly had difficulty regaining my consciousness watching this clip ad infinitum but then again, I regularly pass out when watching Key.
85. Stephanie Rodgers 85

    9 March 2015 at 10:49 pm

    I wonder if this was going through the PM’s head …
    http://youtu.be/WEMMVHAINFM?t=1m5s
86. HumPrac 86

    9 March 2015 at 10:54 pm

    John Key demonstrating some of the products for sale at his latest ‘asset sales convention’. The ‘asset sales convention’ is an event, for the rich, held annually by john Key on behalf of the National party. The aim of the convention is to sell the assets of New Zealanders. All of the big assets have been sold at prior conventions. Things like hammers, shoes, canned food, and kitchen utensils are still up for sale. The convention is in its seventh year of running.
87. ropata:rorschach 87

    9 March 2015 at 11:19 pm

    This is how I am building a brighter future for NZ
88. Potato 88

    10 March 2015 at 12:18 am

    ‘This tool is hopeless’ …….said the hammer
89. the pigman 89

    10 March 2015 at 1:46 am

    Hammer dreams plaintively of more adept user.
90. NZJester 90

    10 March 2015 at 6:47 am

    John key puts the first nail in Nationals coffin…. I mean by-election sign.
91. philj 91

    10 March 2015 at 7:27 am

    Where have the Key supporters gone? Makes one wonder… No pay for taking the mickey of their prime joker?
92. rawshark-yeshe 92

    10 March 2015 at 11:22 am

    There you go Mike. Your Pandora’s box is safely nailed shut, at least for now.
93. David 93

    10 March 2015 at 11:32 am

    It’s a very dynamic nail.
94. Clemgeopin 94

    10 March 2015 at 11:40 am

    “You got mail? I got nail !”
95. rod 95

    10 March 2015 at 11:45 am

    It’s not easy doing this when you are half pissed.

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